Posts by Carol Barrett2

That’s exactly why I haven’t even bothered writing anything yet. I’ve basically slept through thirty hours out of the last two days—I was actually awake for maybe eighteen. I was sitting there thinking about it today, and it hit me that it’s been like this my entire life. I’d crash during high school lectures, then come home and pass out immediately after school.

This isn't exactly normal.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Carol Barrett2, I assume you’re following a specific therapy plan, since Apaurin is really just a temporary fix.
I’m not sure what happens in the next few months during my rehab, but until then, I’ll be stuck back on IV drips again.
It honestly feels like my life is slowly slipping away. I’m feeling pretty down today.
I just don't have the willpower for much of anything lately.
Part of it is this chronic fatigue that never lets up—it's basically a free gift that comes with this illness.
Just constant exhaustion; everything feels like an uphill battle...
The progress is so incremental, and most of the time it feels like we're just sliding backward, which leads to that total sense of helplessness.
Today is just one of those rough days, I guess...

It's Seroquel. From what I've gathered, it's for bipolar and schizophrenia, and now that I'm on it, I actually feel better. I might have bipolar disorder mixed with schizophrenia—though maybe not the paranoid kind. And yeah, truth be told, I've been Googling stuff because of the stress, but not all the time. They still manage to hit the mark sometimes, and some issues are being resolved, even though we're still dealing with massive problems. But the benzodiazepines? They absolutely wrecked me. They totally trashed my sleep because even without them, I sleep way too much. It's like I have a whole separate sleep disorder or something.

I get why things are tough for you—an acquaintance of mine went through the exact same thing, and I think you guys are dealing with similar symptoms and fallout from MS. Hopefully, the rehab helps as much as it can. You know, to stay mobile and all that. I remember telling her that a good wellness retreat and physical therapy made all the difference.

Chronic fatigue. I know that feeling well; for me, it mostly shows up as extreme drowsiness. And that usually brings the depression along for the ride. Plus, this time of year just sucks, as Americans say, which definitely messes with your mood.

That’s probably why today is such a drag. These feelings just roll in every now and then. Then, out of nowhere, you get these bursts of excitement and good moods when you're feeling better. I call it the "seesaw"—the amplitude, the rollercoaster. Kind of like that song "Up and Down" by Dean.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Carol Barrett2, maybe you should reach out to a social worker—just go sit down with one and lay out the whole situation. There are some good ones out there, so if you find someone who seems decent, that might be your best bet. They could really smooth out the whole process for you, point you in the right direction, explain what you’re entitled to, and show you how to actually get help.
Don't be afraid to ask for help; otherwise, you're just going to stay stuck right where you are. And honestly, you deserve more than this—you just haven't been given the right opportunities yet.

I'm sleeping okay—can't complain too much. Some nights are rougher than others, but all things considered, it's fine. Eating is alright, too. Everything feels okay, except for my physical health—that's still an issue.

Well, I need to get moving with my sister and my grandmother now. We couldn't deal with any of this before because other stuff kept piling up—one headache after another. Now that those issues are finally settling down, we're going to head over to the social services office to sort all this out. I would have done it sooner, but I had no clue how the whole system works—the procedures and everything—so I couldn't handle it alone. My condition has actually taken a bit of a dip lately; sometimes when I'm dozing off, I start hearing voices—my own thoughts, really, but they feel external—it only happens during those light naps, though, not while I'm wide awake. Maybe it's just brain fatigue from being overwhelmed. I've even been thinking about looking into assisted living for people in our situation. I mean, I don't know what would happen to my family if something happened to me. But first, I'm going to try and pull together as much support as I can.

Even if I manage to start working again—maybe something like sales—I just need to figure out a plan. I might try reaching out to a non-profit that helps people with special needs find employment and stuff like that. But man, my sleep is terrible. My day and night are completely flipped. The other day, I slept for 14 or 15 hours straight without even taking my Ambien.

Did you ever manage to get that medication? Did it help at all? And are you actually going to go through with the rehab programs at the spas? I know some people who went to local resorts and it did wonders for them. I was actually looking into Aspen. I know they have similar medical spa treatments over in America, too.

Nicole Barrett76 said:I find that I am most comfortable when the temperature settles between 77 and 86 degrees Fahrenheit; because my thyroid function is quite sluggish, I rely on hormone replacement therapy to maintain my balance. Once the mercury dips below 77 or climbs above 86, I feel completely physically overwhelmed. To make matters worse, my sleep cycle is utterly disrupted and the quality of my rest is abysmal. I often find myself waking up in the middle of the night, tossing and turning restlessly until seven in the morning, caught in this exhausting cycle of drifting in and out of a shallow slumber.

Yet, I find myself falling into a deep slumber precisely at three in the afternoon, only to awaken once six o'clock has passed. I have attempted to resist this midday nap, hoping to remain awake from three until six, but if I do, I am often overcome by a sensation around seven or eight in the evening—as if I were slipping into a light, fleeting state of unconsciousness or a momentary dizzy spell lasting a minute or two, and sometimes even longer. Is it not true that it becomes simply impossible for me to function effectively if I do not allow myself that afternoon rest?

But that isn't quite right either, is it? Who would ever consider hiring someone like me under those circumstances? And what exactly are you suggesting—that I don't need to earn a significant income? At least I have some savings to fall back on. $500 Is there any way to bring in an additional $1,500 to $2,000 while working part-time? I only wish to secure enough so that my elderly mother and I might afford more nutritious meals. Is that too much to ask?

Are you truly suggesting that traveling salesmen are the ones slamming doors in people's faces? I find that hard to believe when the reality is far more systemic; it isn't individuals turning them away, but rather an artificially engineered economic crisis that has forced those doors shut. When, after we have settled our utility bills and purchased our groceries, my elderly mother and I are left with perhaps nothing more than three hundred dollars to our names, how can we be expected to engage with anyone?$133 It is an absolute necessity to set aside funds every single month, even if it requires significant personal sacrifices, because one simply cannot survive a month without a little bit of liquid cash on hand. And then, just when you think you're managing, some door-to-door salesman arrives—especially if he shows up unannounced without first seeking our voluntary consent over the phone—to peddle a product that costs exactly those $300 we worked so hard to save?$133There is simply no amount of charisma, physical presence, or clever salesmanship—regardless of how many psychological tricks they might employ—that could ever compel me to purchase anything from him. Perhaps if that traveling salesman possessed a particularly endearing demeanor, I might feel a fleeting moment of empathy for the sheer audacity required to attempt such a venture. But will empathy be enough to secure your commission?

When someone barges into your home with all the grace of a bulldozer—unannounced and completely overstepping their bounds—don't you feel an immediate urge to show them the door? If a guest is being particularly intrusive, shouldn't you have every right to demand they leave your private sanctuary? It seems to me that many people who lack basic social awareness mistakenly believe it is their own fault when they fail to pitch their products or services to a wide enough audience. But is that really the case? In truth, much of that perceived failure stems from nothing more than artificially engineered economic downturns.

There was a time when people used to discuss that company, Kyani, on certain online forums—you know, the ones that focused on door-to-door supplement sales. I remember reading about one distributor who actually had the audacity to tell a sick or disabled individual that he simply couldn't fathom why anyone wouldn't be willing to shell out over a hundred dollars a month for their own health. Honestly, what is wrong with people? I would gladly hand over four or five hundred dollars right now if it meant I had a job that actually brought in an eight-thousand-dollar monthly income!

If you have truly committed yourself to the grind of door-to-door sales, I believe there is no better product to peddle than fine fragrances. Is there anything more inherently persuasive than a scent that immediately captivates the senses and triggers a primal, subconscious desire to possess it? Surely, selling a bottle of perfume is far less daunting than trying to convince a stranger to sign away their future with a life insurance policy. The only minor setback is that, unlike basic toiletries, people don't burn through a luxury cologne overnight; the repurchase cycle is naturally longer. However, if you play your cards right, they will surely return to buy something else from you next month. Of course, the secret to success lies in your approach—you must be persistent without being an insufferable nuisance, and you certainly cannot go in acting like you have more ego than sense. After all, quality perfume isn't cheap. $33I already have a few pieces that I received for my birthday, but if I were to purchase one for someone dear and decent, I would consider buying one for either my mother or for myself.

The issue with focusing on such small-scale retail is that the individual commissions are meager; rather, shouldn't the true objective be finding a way to cultivate a loyal, recurring customer base? Suppose I were able to connect with three hundred customers, and if even one hundred of them purchased a single $20 perfume every month—even if I only earned a modest $30-$13 profit on each sale, wouldn't that total $3,000-$1333? Even after accounting for some taxes on that amount and ensuring I can maintain my disability benefits of $500, wouldn't that constitute a fairly respectable sum of money?

Look, I actually had a decent rhythm going before—it worked just fine. I’d put in maybe 4 or 5 hours, which is pretty much my limit, honestly. And back then, the money was okay—nothing crazy, but for a young girl starting out, it wasn't bad. But then these massive corporations moved in, and now, at every single turn, they’ve got way more variety and everything is cheaper. It's tough to compete.

My old lady's been doing it the same way for years, and it's getting harder on her. She usually starts early, like 5 AM, and finishes up by 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Between prepping for work for a few hours and then pulling those 7 or 8 hour shifts, she's exhausted.

Maybe something will pop up—who knows? We’re thinking about asking the boss if there’s any extra overtime available, especially since there's some talk about a new factory opening up around here soon.

I'm just saying, this constant sleepiness is killing me. If I could just get approved for disability or even some sort of social assistance, it would take such a huge weight off our shoulders. But man, trying to navigate the bureaucracy here is a nightmare. The process is so draining, and with everything else we’re dealing with in life, we just keep putting it off. I just need something to help cover the bills and groceries for as long as possible.

If I could just land a job—even if it's just 4 hours a day at minimum wage—it would be a lifesaver.

Retail, warehouse, whatever... doesn't really matter.

Jose Ward4 said:I just caught the weather report. Looks like we’re staring down another 29 degrees starting Monday. 🤦

I guess you're a fan of moderate weather too—can't say I blame you. They didn't even start mentioning those 70-degree days until the 25th.

Nicole Barrett76 said:Is a career in traveling sales not perhaps too much for those lacking mental fortitude? If one truly wishes to pursue a life in sales, would it not be more prudent to manage a stall at a local farmers market instead? For in such a setting, customers naturally gravitate toward the vendor, whereas a traveling representative must constantly knock on doors, forced to be exceptionally assertive, bold, stubborn, and relentlessly persistent.

Yeah, I did that kind of thing a long time ago. Door-to-door stuff, back before everything changed and massive corporations—like the big Chinese conglomerates or whatever—started taking over everything. But maybe I could try this again. At least enough to scrape together some cash, maybe enough for food. Or enough to help my old lady out a bit. I just don't know. I need to figure out what I'd even sell. It feels like there's a reseller on every single corner around here lately.

As for the market stall thing... I'm not sure if I could handle it. People say the boss is decent. He pays everything on time. Honestly, he’s probably getting some government subsidy for hiring people, which is why he’s so generous with the pay. Word is he isn't even worried about making a profit himself. So, yeah, I'm betting on a federal employment incentive.

But man, this sleeping situation is killing me. I keep trying to pinpoint what's wrong, but I can't quite nail it down. It’s definitely not normal to sleep 10 or 12 hours every single day—sometimes even more—and still wake up feeling like a zombie.

Today I slept for 12 hours without any Aura, and I'm still exhausted. Clearly, even without the Aura, I'm oversleeping way too much. 🕺

Man, I remember back when I was staying at the clinic—I think it was an old VA facility—my mom actually helped me out while I was getting cleaned up. She wasn't exactly scrubbing me or anything, just helping where she could. I was pretty sick back then, dealing with some really intense pain in... well, a very uncomfortable spot. It was hard to even take care of myself because of the pain, plus the plumbing in those units was absolute garbage. Getting the water temperature right was a nightmare, and honestly, I had no clue how to adjust it. Later on, I figured out how to prep the water myself, though I still wasn't great at it. A few others offered to help me get the water ready, telling me I should've just called them over.

They’ve actually renovated that unit now—including the bathrooms, from what I hear. So, I find it hard to believe they’re still having those issues with the water being either scalding hot or freezing cold.

The only bummer is that I never actually got my full lab work done, so I don't know exactly what was going on with me. I was supposed to have a colonoscopy and a bunch of other tests, but it never happened. Even now, I still get hit with bouts of nausea and pain every once in a while. Luckily, I've learned how to manage it—whenever that feeling hits, I just drop straight to the floor.

As for that whole thing about nose breathing, I don't know. I breathe through my nose constantly, which brings me back to what I was saying before. I tend to drift off into my own world, lost in thought and all that. Fortunately, Azrael keeps me somewhat grounded.

I've got a psychiatry appointment coming up in about a week, and I'm planning to ask about tapering off the Aura. It’s just making me sleep all day; I feel drowsy 24/7. I've actually skipped a dose or two on my own already, and I still slept like a rock after taking it.

And I'll probably ask Azrael about adjusting the dosage, since it's such a hassle to take.

I'm even thinking—if I can finally fix this sleeping issue—that maybe I could get a job behind a counter as a retail clerk, or maybe get back into sales as a traveling rep. But this constant lethargy is seriously holding me back.

Today was another one where I slept through half the day, and I still feel exhausted. 🕺

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Sometimes I look at myself and feel proud of how well I’m holding up. But then I stop, look around, and wonder where I would be if I weren't going through all of this right now.
That's when it hits me—I'm actually crying on the inside. Even though I try to cherish every single moment and make the most of every day.
I am just counting down the days until those lab results come back, so I can finally put all of this behind me.
They say life tests you to see how much you can carry... well, I don't know anymore. I'm just waiting to see what's next. If things don't improve, I honestly don't think I have any strength left to carry this burden.
I'm feeling pretty low today. A friend told me I'd be a perfect ten if I wasn't sick. It was so disheartening; it’s like he thinks my value is tied to being healthy, or like he can't even wrap his head around someone living with an illness. Thinking about it that way makes me realize I'll probably never find a boyfriend. Every time I actually like someone, I pull away immediately because I know they wouldn't want to be with me if they knew I likely had MS.

Look, plenty of people here have navigated life with MS—gotten married, even had kids. Everything you're feeling makes total sense, Rebecca Rivera3, given everything you're walking through. And seriously, believe me when I say I admire you. You're doing so well, and the way you handle all of this is nothing short of incredible.

It’s all pretty subjective. I mean, how should I know? It helps some people and doesn't help others—it's not a one-size-fits-all thing. My mom has this benign tumor that might be pressing on something in her brain, so she gets these sudden bouts where she feels terrible, and when that hits, her vision starts going blurry.

She really ought to get checked out—maybe even go through with surgery—but she just hasn't. She’s doing everything we’ve thrown at her lately. And honestly, maybe she won't go for it because it doesn't happen *that* often. Or maybe this isn't even caused by the tumor. It could be her blood pressure. She struggles with that, too. Since she started taking her BP meds, those episodes haven't been happening nearly as much.

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, @Njusice. I think I have a vague idea, but man, it's hard to truly wrap my head around how tough it must be for you.

Anyway, fingers crossed that the test results and everything else come back okay.

I mean, I totally get where you're coming from, >. Hopefully a little downtime at some high-end spa or whatever helps clear the head.

@Rebecca Rivera3 I’m really crossing my fingers that the rehab and meds actually kick in—hopefully you can get into that remission stage with MS. By the way, have you thought about hitting up some wellness retreats or maybe a spa getaway somewhere? A friend of mine swore by that kind of thing, said it made a massive difference for her.

Nicole Barrett76 said:It certainly does not!

A potential deficit in empathy does not automatically mean you are an aggressive or manipulative individual like a true sociopath or psychopath.

In my opinion, you might just be being a bit of a hypochondriac, and perhaps you should simply take the advice that Rebecca Rivera3 gave you.

Yeah, I know. I Googled it. Apparently, this whole lack-of-empathy thing can be linked to medication or even schizophrenia, maybe. You all think I'm a hypochondriac? Honestly, it's the opposite—I barely look after my health at all. I just happened to stumble upon this test again; I took it once before, but I don't remember the results.

I'm thinking maybe the meds have just numbed my brain, or maybe it's the schizophrenia causing such a low score. If it isn't that, then maybe instead of schizophrenia, I just don't have a functioning brain—or maybe it's Asperger's, like I originally thought. Because, newsflash: I've never dealt with hallucinations or paranoia.

Worrying about my health once in a while doesn't make me a hypochondriac. And honestly, given everything going on, I rarely even care about my health—and when I actually want to, I just can't bring myself to do it. Between the illness and my financial situation, I'm kind of stuck.

From what I know, actual hypochondriacs are obsessively fixated on their health.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:To be honest, things haven't been going great for me lately either. I'm currently struggling with a relapse regarding my medication—I’m terrified of the side effects and constantly worried they won't even work. It’s making it impossible to stay productive or achieve anything I set my mind to, which just feeds back into this mild depression. It’s a vicious cycle, and right now, I can't see a way out. Sometimes, getting a perspective from someone else can really help.

I truly don't know how to win or even how to fight when it feels like the battle was lost before it even started. I'm just stuck in this loop.

What can I even say besides hang in there? Hopefully, those meds kick in soon enough to make some kind of difference.

🙂

Rebecca Rivera3 said:If you want my honest opinion.
Carol Barrett2, you aren't exactly hitting the mark here. You’re overhyping certain films and projects, and honestly, it feels like you're doing it because you're starving for validation or feeling like you haven't achieved enough.
You're drifting a bit far from reality. My advice? Spend some more time with your family or someone close who has known you forever. Everyone loves you, you're clearly a good person, and there's really no reason to chase what you're chasing. Just accept yourself and be content. Find other ways to stay busy; obsessing over this isn't great for your mental health—it pulls you further from reality. You seem to think that by elevating yourself, you won't be vulnerable or that you'll somehow stand above everyone else. But you know what's truly in your heart and why you feel this need. Think about that; it might actually help you feel better.

As for Jose Ward4, he’s just been a bit more down lately due to some timing and circumstances he hasn't wanted to disclose. The question is whether he's slipping into depression; clinically speaking, that’s when it lasts longer than three weeks. But from where I'm standing, he seems to have enough strength to fight through it. He's been dealing with this for a year now and is slowly finding his balance again.

If you want my objective opinion.
Carol Barrett2, you aren't exactly hitting the mark here—you're hyping up certain movies and projects just because you're clearly starving for some sense of purpose, or maybe you feel like you haven't checked enough boxes in life, or something along those lines.

Actually, I am interested. And I’m not "starving." For years—decades, really—this is just how I operate. I write essays on all sorts of topics. Theories, theses, whatever. It keeps me going; it’s what keeps me sane. I’m not claiming any of these theories are gospel truth, though.

You aren't exactly grounded in reality. My advice? Go hang out with your family or someone close who has known you forever. Everyone loves you, and I'm sure you're a good person—there's no reason to keep chasing after what you're looking for. Just accept yourself and be content. Find other ways to entertain yourself instead of obsessing over this; it isn't great for your mental health, and it's pulling you further from reality. You seem to think that by elevating yourself, you won't be vulnerable or that you'll somehow be above everyone else. But you know what's in your heart and why you crave this. Try thinking about that; it might actually help you feel better.

Look, I'm as "grounded" as anyone can be while dealing with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder—assuming I have both, anyway. I don't know if people "love" me, but they tolerate me well enough. As for socializing, I can't really keep up with anyone financially, and I'm not looking to play those social games. What else am I supposed to do as an unemployed person living with Sch? Writing these theories and theses is what fulfills me. It's not about feeling superior or acting like I'm above anyone else—that's not it at all.

I just wanted to share these ideas and theories with people. People have been telling me for ages to just start a blog and dump all these thoughts there.

I've even got ideas for actual innovations. I've already posted a few of them on my blog.

Whatever, nobody's perfect.

I have zero interest in going back to the old way of doing things. I think I might be caught in a bit of a manic phase lately—honestly, I’ve started dumping stuff on my blog; some of it is mild, some is halfway crazy, and then there’s the truly wild stuff that might actually hold some water.

Luckily, the blog isn't exactly getting millions of hits, and most of what's up there is just stuff I've already repurposed from various threads on forums like this one where I've been posting for a while now.

>>Of course I care. You all cared too whenever I was venting about my problems here.

PS. Maybe it isn't mania at all—maybe it's just this sudden itch to finally publish some of my work, specifically these collections of theses and theories I've been working on.

Jose Ward4 said:Is it just me, or is something seriously off lately? I’ve been feeling completely drained and totally unmotivated. Honestly, I feel like I’m stuck in a deep funk, maybe even some kind of depression.

Maybe it’s just this weather. You know how it is—one minute it's fine, the next it’s miserable—and that kind of stuff can really mess with your head. But if you're actually feeling off, maybe it's worth talking to a therapist.

That’s what mine told me, anyway. Said whenever I'm struggling, I should just reach out to him.

Could just be a phase, though.

So, I was reading up on this, and apparently, some people living with schizophrenia deal with a lack of empathy too. Honestly, I can’t tell if that’s actually true or if I’ve just been totally numbed out by my meds—maybe even when it comes to empathy itself. Or maybe I haven't hit that level of total indifference yet, thanks to the medication.

To be fair, I scored much higher on other tests I took previously compared to this one.

Your score was 26 out of a possible 80.

scores of 30 or less indicate a lack of empathy Common in People with Autism or Asperger ’ sa syndrome

https://psychology-tools.com/test/empathy-quotient

So I took this test and ended up with this. On other tests, I’ve gotten totally different results—stuff saying I actually *do* have empathy. Does this mean I'm a sociopath or a psychopath? Since they have that lack of empathy thing too.

I know these internet tests aren't exactly clinical grade, but I figured I'd give it a shot anyway. Honestly, it's possible I didn't even grasp all the questions properly or answered them wrong because I rushed through the whole thing.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:For those aiming for success, stop feeding yourself excuses like "I'm broke" or "I can't get my head straight." It is entirely possible... and yes, I’m using the word "looking" ironically here because my eyesight isn't the best either... anyway, the point is, I used to give myself enough "excuses" to ensure I'd never achieve anything. Now, I just feel angry at my past self. I don't make excuses, and I don't indulge in self-pity.
My starting point was abysmal. I wasn't wealthy, nor did I have particularly... supportive parents. I grew up surrounded by violence, alcoholism, and all sorts of chaos. In my household—if you can even call it a family—I was treated like an outcast. I actually had to hide just to study, because my folks would throw books at me, claiming I’d go crazy from reading and that it was why my vision was failing.
So, despite the obstacles—and believe me, there were far too many to bear—I made it.

While I am saddened because my options are still severely limited due to MS, that doesn't mean I won't find a way to achieve more. I always have, and I always will, no matter how hard it gets.

As for this entire scientific saga by Trump, I actually learned about it back in high school while reading extra literature on the side and finishing music school simultaneously. For instance, when people mention an enzyme, my brain immediately connects it to a molecule and starts calculating how neurotransmitters travel down the axon and... well, I'll stop there. That’s just how my mind works—scientifically. Anything else feels pointless to me.

Even something as simple as picking out a shelf to hang a weight on involves me applying the laws of physics, calculating inertia, checking the wall type, and so on...

That’s when my "crazy" mind takes over, and honestly, nobody can keep up with it—not even me. For example, at fifteen, I could spend an entire night studying a complex book on quantum mechanics, while my peers were busy studying the bottom of a bottle during a night out.

Different. I've always been different. People like us have a hard time fitting in, as you probably know. That often leads to loneliness, and if you're unlucky like me, you end up facing the exact illness you fear most—the one that attacks your brain. Hallelujah... what can I say? Maybe I should go dig up that bottle those fifteen-year-olds were draining. Maybe they found their answers at the bottom. Bazinga, hah.
Life is interesting; I always knew I’d spend mine trying to make sense of it.

Who else reads 750 pages of scientific literature and actually enjoys it? There's no helping it... heh... but I love who I am. People, please love yourselves, even when you're weak. Forgive yourselves, stand up, and move forward. Don't make the same mistake twice. Life is too short.

Look, I know there’s no excuse for it, but honestly? Things are just incredibly rough right now. The whole system in this country is pretty much a dumpster fire—not that it justifies my situation, obviously—but I’ve been stuck in this endless loop for years now, and getting out feels like trying to swim through molasses. It’s not just me, either; the whole damn country seems caught up in this cycle. Sure, you see tiny bits of progress here and there, but until things actually shift on a larger scale, I’m just waiting for my own moment to finally break free and make some real headway.

Fair enough. That just means your brain is actually functioning. Honestly, I wish I had a bit more raw intelligence myself—then maybe I could have actually pulled off some of my own ideas. Though, if I'm being totally real with you all, there were plenty of them I didn't even want to bring to life... mostly because half of them involved weapons, and that's a rabbit hole I'd rather not go down.

Look, I care about people—I really do—and honestly, I include myself in that group. But let’s be real: we’re also perfectly capable of chasing down our wildest dreams or driving ourselves straight into a total disaster. That’s exactly what’s been messing with my head lately. Some of these ideas I have... well, they're a bit on the edge. Dangerous, even. And yet, some of them actually seem to hold water. Still, I can't just stop thinking about them. I might even try to pull one off. For instance, I’ve been sketching out this calendar concept—it’s probably the most precise, streamlined version you could ask for.

We’re all out here doing our best, @RebeccaRivera3—really, we are. But let's be real, none of us are exactly perfect.

I’ve finally made my peace with who I am—maybe this is just how things were always meant to go. Honestly, it’s probably for the best; better to stay like this than to actually act on half the crazy ideas I get. Someone might call them "visions," if they're feeling fancy, but let's just call them what they are.

Kimberly Cooper said:Let me guess: deviated septum, you snore so loud the walls shake, and you can't get decent rest because of all that noise. Those are muscles that've gone soft, but once you tone them up, the vibrations—the snoring—will stop.

You could sleep forever, but that noise is unbearable. Look into exercises for those nasal passages; tighten those muscles up and the vibrations will vanish.

So, either your liver is trashed from alcohol or meds,

Evo, let me give you some real advice: try learning a foreign language you don't know. You can find them all online. It’ll burn off that excess dopamine that keeps looping back to the same old spots and redirect it to new neural pathways.

Honestly, meditation isn't the move for you. You don't need to freeze your state; you need to rewire your brain's layout. Learn a language, sit at your computer—it costs nothing. Or toss some apples in the air and juggle. Doesn't have to be apples; use anything. 😁

No, it's just that breathing is harder on one side. I had some swelling a long time ago that never fully went down, leaving this kind of thickening on one side of my nose. That's why I can't breathe as well through that side.

It wasn't necessarily alcohol—could be anything, really—but nothing was ever officially diagnosed. Could've been some meds I was on back then, though.

Thanksgiving for the advice. So, go hard on the languages. I actually like that idea. I pick things up fast. I'll probably dive into German and polish up the ones I already know a little bit.

And honestly, we can't all be the same, and we shouldn't want to be. Maybe my brain is just wired this way—lots of ideas, many of which have become obsessions. Other people tend to land on the same or similar ideas too.

I'm going to try the advice, especially the language thing. I actually really like that, and I've always been pretty good at it. 🙂