Posts by Carol Barrett2

Kimberly Cooper said:There's plenty to dig into here.

Researchers believe certain psychotic experiences are caused by an overproduction of dopamine neurotransmitters in the brain. Consequently, most antipsychotic drugs work by blocking specific dopamine receptors, which reduces the rapid transmission of signals in the brain—something that happens too frequently during psychotic states.

I'm skeptical of this definition too, so I need to look deeper. Overproduction could actually be caused by blocked receptors, and saying that slows down signal transmission... They haven't slowed the transfer; they've just shrunk the surface area for transmission. It's like all that dopamine is being forced onto a smaller space, like a massive traffic jam. I need to study this more.

You know how it is—when you're afraid your thinking is limited or "blocked," once you unblock yourself, you realize just how diminished your awareness really was.

Maybe instead of blocking receptors, we should expand the surface area. Get on the highway so there's no traffic. Think about multiple things at once—multitasking—expand the brain's capacity through various activities simultaneously so that dopamine distributes evenly instead of pooling too heavily. That would basically be psychotherapy: giving different parts of your brain different tasks to do instead of forcing one single center to run non-stop.

Are you overweight? Is your liver healthy? A person acts "normal" until their liver fails, then metabolic waste builds up in the brain and hits you like a disease. It's toxins. I wonder if psychiatrists ever bother running blood work to see what kind of junk is actually circulating in a patient's system.

It’s been ages since they flagged an issue with my liver, but they told me it recovered. I’m pretty Slim, really more like Ascet, especially considering I’m pushing almost 6'6". They haven't checked my liver since, though I can't be 100% sure. I have had blood work done, and those results were fine, nothing to worry about.

As for the whole multitasking thing—yeah, I am terrible at it. Just straight up bad. When I try to juggle too many things at once, I just get completely overwhelmed, if that makes sense.

I definitely have some skin in the game here, too. Jose Ward4 is right—I’ve let myself get a bit too complacent, if you want to call it that.

But a lot of it comes down to being broke. If I actually had some cash on hand, things would be a hell of a lot easier.

I'd probably spend my time focusing on school or something productive instead.

Jose Ward4 said:Do you struggle with split personalities? In layman's terms, that’s basically what bipolar disorder looks like. One minute you're riding high on pure happiness, and then, out of nowhere, you're crashing into total sadness. It's quite a rollercoaster.

You really have to find your own "why" when it comes to meditation. Honestly, if things were actually falling apart for you, you wouldn’t be sitting around pondering this—you’d be frantically Googling solutions to fix your life. I know, because that’s exactly how I operate. If I’m in a rut, I’m digging through the internet until I find an answer. Is finding your own purpose okay with you? Because if you're curious, once you find that spark, you can learn pretty much everything online. It isn’t rocket science, really. At the end of the day, when you first start out, it just boils down to being mindful. You focus on your breathing. Try to calm it down. Just take slow, steady breaths through your nose. That’s the layman's version, anyway. If you want a specific starting point, I can give you a name that actually caught my attention: Tony Stark. That’s who I learned from. Personally, I don't care for all that Zen mysticism stuff. If I wanted to dive into that, I would have searched for it. So, the ball is in your court. But hey, if this works for you, stick with it. What else can I say? You seem content with where you are right now. If you weren't, you would've been out there tearing up the ground trying to find a fix. Aren't we all like that?

Do you have split personalities? Basically, that's just bipolar. One minute you're on top of the world, the next you're totally miserable—layman's terms, anyway.

I used to deal with that. Not anymore, thanks to Azolar.

You need to find the purpose behind meditation. And honestly, it probably isn't even that bad for you, because if it were, you’d be hunting for solutions already. I’m speaking from experience here. Does "finding" it sound okay to you? Because if you were truly interested, you'd be scouring the internet for an answer. Finding it seems to suit you, right? If you care to know more, once you find the point of it all, you can learn everything online. It's not rocket science. It really just boils down to when you meditate—initially, whatever works for you—just paying attention, being aware of your breathing and trying to steady it. Like, just slow nasal breathing. That’s my layman's explanation. If you're curious, I can give you one name that actually caught my interest: Tony Stark. That's how I learned. I'm not really into this Zen stuff; if I were, I would've looked it up sooner. So, it's on you. But clearly, things are fine as they are, so stick with that. What else can I say? You're satisfied with where you're at right now. Because if you weren't, you would've dug through dirt to find a fix. Aren't we all like that?

I tried those breathing techniques a while back to calm down, but it was a bust since I've got a deviated septum, so breathing through one side is a total struggle.

I guess I'll Google Tony Stark and see what's up. Might as well try—nothing to lose, right? Better than being constantly hooked on meds.

If there's one thing that really messes with my life, it's sleep. I sleep way too much, so I never get anything done—plus, I end up drifting off into my own little world of random thoughts and ideas.

That's kind of why I don't work and I'm pretty broke.

I’m definitely getting plenty of sugar. I know that much. But I’m not talking about sitting around snacking on candy or cookies—it’s more that most of the food I eat is just loaded with hidden sugars anyway.

And honestly, cutting back isn't really an option when you're living on the cheap—this kind of stuff is basically the budget staple.

So, yeah, my dopamine levels are constantly spiking. It’s like being perpetually high.

It’s probably no wonder my brain is constantly racing—thoughts and ideas just sort of swarm and multiply out of nowhere.

Jose Ward4 said:You did. You explained it perfectly. I hear you. You should try meditation. Even just a few days a week. You might find those thoughts start to settle down a bit.

I mean, I'd give it a shot if I could, but there's always a "but." With the possibility of bipolar disorder hitting at the same time as this schizophrenia stuff, I honestly don't know how it would even go. If only someone here could actually walk me through it—show me the ropes or something.

I know all the "how-to" guides and videos are out there on the internet, but unless someone actually sits down and shows me personally, I doubt I'd ever figure out how to do it right.

For now, I'm doing alright on the Azolar, but the apaurin is really messing with me—it's making me sleep way too much. Like, half the day, minimum.

Look, I get it—pills aren't always the magic answer—but what am I supposed to do if I have to take them?

I'd much rather rely on meds to keep things steady than let this illness just tear me apart.

@Rebecca Rivera3 I get what you're saying—I really do—but honestly, I just get lost in my own head and forget everything else. I’m going to try to make it happen, though... either getting on permanent disability or securing some kind of long-term social assistance with those caregiver benefits.

If I can actually pull that off, I’d look into going back to school—you know, trying to retrain for something else. Something where I could maybe put in just four or five hours a day. Maybe something like running a stall at a local farmers market or something similar. Right now, it’s just not feasible because I don't have the startup capital for a market stand, nor the funds for retraining.

Back in the day, when I was younger and actually had some health left in me, I used to do a bit of side hustling—under the table stuff, mostly reselling things. Kind of like how the Trotters used to do it. I’d show up looking like that tall guy, the brother of that guy Dale.

@Kimberly Cooper, dealing with a serious illness is tricky, and it’s highly specific—from what I understand about schizophrenia, it hits everyone differently. For me, it’s like I’m constantly living in my own little world. My mind is elsewhere, no matter what I’m physically doing.

It’s hard to put into words, really. When I’m online, I’m lost in my own world; watching TV, it’s the same thing. Listening to the radio? Same deal. Even if I turn everything off, it doesn't stop—actually, it gets worse once the noise stops and I'm just left with myself while I'm trying to do something.

The ideas and thoughts just swarm in—it’s like a hive. They multiply, and it feels like my brain is racing at a hundred miles an hour or more. I can't slow them down. I end up feeling trapped inside those thoughts, just drifting away into them.

I don't know if I explained that very well. I sort of drifted off mid-sentence myself.

From what I gather about how things work here in the States, you can both collect disability benefits and still pursue an education—I mean, I’ve seen plenty of people on disability finish up college degrees or vocational training, so it seems like you can definitely go back to school if you want to.

Nicole Barrett76 said:I once held those same ambitions myself. They were intense, driving desires, and did not just elude a few people—rather, almost no one in my small, insular, and rather narrow-minded rural hometown could possibly understand them.

As far as I am aware, unfortunately, one cannot simultaneously receive disability benefits and pursue formal higher education. If such a thing were possible, would I not have saved myself? Of course, that is assuming I also had access to a university dormitory.

Hold on, why wouldn't you be able to? 😲 My plan was to use whatever disability or assistance I could get to retrain, finish my degree, or even start from scratch.

We aren't asking for much here. Just small things. Like, you know, an education. Nothing crazy. 🙂

Jose Ward4 said:Is Multiple Sclerosis an autoimmune disease?

Yeah, it is. I actually have some old notes somewhere regarding cancer and Microsoft—well, MS—and seeing this reminded me to dig back into some stuff I’ve been working on. I can't say for sure if my logic is 100% spot on, but it's basically what I've observed.

Multiple Sclerosis

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Multiple sclerosis, much like many other autoimmune conditions, is essentially a form of cancer. Think about it—cancer is also an autoimmune failure, where the body's own cells end up attacking and slowly destroying the system because of glitches in cell function, RNA or DNA replication, and all that.

I've written about this before—can't quite remember where, maybe in some old notebooks—but my theory was that all autoimmune diseases fall under one umbrella as a type of cancer, and that cancer itself is just an autoimmune malfunction.

A long time ago, I used to scribble these theories and ideas down in physical notebooks; nowadays, I just move those same thoughts over to the computer every once in a while.

Not saying I'm definitely right, though. Just my two cents.

Turning 34 this month. I wouldn't call it hypochondria—that would imply I’m constantly obsessing over being sick, which isn't really what's happening. Physically, I'm mostly fine, just... I don't know, there's something off. Mentally, things aren't great either, but I don't think I'm dealing with paranoid Schizophrenia or anything like that; it's just something else I can't quite put my finger on. My vision is pretty bad, too. I know what it's like living with MS, though—I have an acquaintance who deals with it. Anyway, we just have to keep fighting and not give up.

I'm trying to stay positive, too, but honestly, it's hard to find the motivation sometimes. Maybe once I finally get through this round of physical therapy, things will start looking up.

Nicole Barrett76 said:You haven't bored me at all; rather, my stomach has been giving me absolute hell, and I spent about six hours babysitting my sister's kids. I finally laid down to get some rest, but that "little break" stretched from two in the afternoon until almost six. Between the physical discomfort and her throwing off my entire sleep schedule, I am only just now able to respond.

Your writing is actually quite coherent, which leads me to believe that what you are experiencing isn't Paranoid Schizophrenia, but rather that non-specific version you mentioned earlier.

If I recall correctly, the Latin term for it is Schizophrenia simplex.

Honestly, there are plenty of doctors out here making massive mistakes—people have died because of it. Psychiatrists throw diagnoses at patients left and right when they really just have something else going on, like a thyroid issue or a brain tumor.

I hadn't heard of Schizophrenia simplex before. But look, some veterans I talked to told me that doctors will just label you with whatever they want, so you just have to fight for what you're actually entitled to based on this stuff—especially since I'm not getting any disability checks right now.

From what I can gather, it would be about 75% of the lowest Social Security check in the US.

Still better than nothing, I guess.

Honestly, I’m just over all of this—you, them, everyone in this thread—and man, did you really have to go on such a massive rant?

Nicole Barrett76 said:I am so sorry that they labeled you with sch. Did they at least inform you in a subtle and tactful manner? Or did you find out like I did—somewhere random, like at a crosswalk or a bus stop??? I truly hope you receive a more accurate diagnosis soon. You don't have to share it if you'd prefer not to.

Regarding the intersex thing... has that been confirmed by any blood work? Did they take your comment seriously at all, or was it just a case of, "Oh, he's just sch., what does he know?"

One theory regarding the onset of sch. is the idea of brain self-poisoning. Could it be that certain organs produce a substance toxic to the brain—not enough to kill you, but enough to trigger mental instability? If that were true, then several weekly sessions combined with the most exhaustive blood panels possible—specifically checking liver enzymes, pituitary hormones, thyroid levels, and sex hormones—would be a necessary starting point for an effective diagnosis. Plus, they should perform a full physical exam. If they find any physiological irregularities, then perhaps you really are intersex.

Then again, I don't know... to be perfectly honest, I find it hard to believe the intersex diagnosis. In my view, much of that is a social engineering construct that people latch onto today. However, if a patient holds one or two misconceptions about their condition, it certainly doesn't mean they are immediately schizophrenic, paranoid, or completely out of their mind.

Unless, of course, they cling to those ideas even after a thorough examination and hospitalization.

Man, I’m sorry to hear you got hit with the sch. diagnosis too. Did they at least deal with you professionally and tactfully about it? Or were you like me—finding out through some random person on the street, a crosswalk, or a bus stop??? Hopefully, you have a more accurate diagnosis now. Not that you have to share it if you don't want to, obviously.

Well, my wife, my sister, and I all saw it coming right after I was discharged from the hospital. But they didn't actually sit me down and tell me what the diagnosis was; they just scribbled it on the discharge papers without saying a word to my face. It used to be listed as psychosis, but now it's Paranoid Schizophrenia—with some hypochondriacal traits, though they didn't officially label it as hypochondria itself.

That whole intersex thing... was that actually confirmed by blood work? I mean, did they take you seriously when you said that, or was it just a "Whatever, he's just sch." kind of vibe?

It wasn't confirmed, mostly because they didn't even bother running tests for it. I haven't told anyone besides my family, not even the doctors. But looking at myself, I can see why people might think that—my physical appearance and everything. Honestly, I might not just be intersex; I might also be somewhat rickets-prone because I was malnourished growing up. Ever since the war, I don't know how else to put it, we call it being "rickety" here, but maybe that's not the right word. Maybe it's just malnutrition or something similar. I'm nearly 6 feet tall but only weigh about 165-170 pounds, and I've always been like this—tall and skinny.

One theory behind the onset of sch is basically brain self-poisoning. Like, maybe an organ or a few organs produce some kind of substance that's toxic to the brain—not enough to kill you, but enough to trigger mental health issues? If that were the case, having weekly sessions plus the most thorough medical screening possible—specifically checking liver enzymes, pituitary hormones, thyroid, and sex hormones—would be a solid starting point for an effective diagnosis. Plus, a full physical exam. If they find any irregularities in the genital area, then maybe you really are intersex.

I actually told them at the hospital that maybe my hormones were haywire because of my liver or something else. They should have run detailed tests, but I made the mistake of bringing it up and ended up stuck in psychiatry instead. The problem is, here in America, getting those kinds of deep-dive tests is almost impossible unless you have serious cash. Back then, about a decade ago, there was a chance, because they actually discovered some issue I had with my liver. An internist actually moved me to the internal medicine ward for those detailed tests.

I don't know... to be honest, I find it hard to believe you're intersex. It feels like one of those modern social engineering constructs that people latch onto. But hey, just because a patient has a couple of delusions about their condition doesn't mean they're immediately schizophrenic, paranoid, or totally losing it. Unless, of course, they cling to those ideas even after a full exam and hospitalization.

Look, I get it. Honestly, I didn't even know intersex was really a thing until a few years ago myself—but then I started digging into it, and I realized I share a lot of those same traits. I’m not saying I’m definitely intersex, but there’s enough physical stuff there that it feels close. It might be something else entirely, though—maybe just some weird hormonal imbalance or a sudden shift in my system, who knows.

Back in the day—nearly a decade ago—one of the staff members actually believed me and agreed with my assessment. But, well, because of how everything went down, they basically had to get rid of me and move me over to the psych ward. I wasn't being aggressive or anything, but I definitely gave them a hard time during our arguments back then.

And of course, all the paperwork, the scans, the medical records... everything just vanished. It happened back when I was in the internal medicine ward at this local hospital here. I have almost nothing left from that period, maybe just my discharge papers from the psych unit.

Before that stint in internal medicine, I spent quite a bit of time in the ER. I was pretty sick—they had me on IV fluids, I was running fevers, having these intense chills, and all that. Right before they moved me to the internal ward, they found something—some kind of spot on my stomach, something that was supposedly eating away at my body. They said it started with a "T," though it wasn't hormonal, just... something like that.

My health was a total wreck back then, mostly because depression had a grip on me and I wasn't eating or drinking anything regular.

I probably deal with depression, maybe bipolar disorder, and honestly, there could be something else going on mentally too—just not Paranoid Schizophrenia. Maybe it's some non-specific schizophrenia or perhaps a form of high-functioning autism.

Jbn, no matter how you slice it, things aren't great. It's a lose-lose situation. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle—half crazy, half sane, half healthy, half sick. If that makes any sense.

I've been getting advice from some veterans' advocacy groups and stuff about trying to claim some kind of benefits based on all this. I'm looking for any kind of scrap of financial help because right now, I've got zero income coming in. I'm basically non-functional most of the time—sleeping constantly, yet somehow always exhausted and sleep-deprived, just drifting around in my own little world.

Honestly, I felt like I was slipping into Paranoid Schizophrenia just by getting into an argument with the staff—I was terrified I’d lose something, though I won't go into detail. It’s all logged in their computer system, so apparently, according to some psychologist, I’ve officially "snapped" into paranoia. And look, I don't have hallucinations or anything like that; I never have.

I’ve had issues—or maybe I just had them—with my liver. It was damaged, but it’s recovering now, but it seems I'm intersex, so maybe my hormones are just haywire. I told the hospital staff about it. I figured I might be some kind of medical phenomenon or something.

I’m sick, though who knows why... it's not terminal or anything life-threatening, but I'm definitely feeling pretty rough because of all these different ailments.

Depression has hit me the hardest—maybe it's Bipolar Disorder—and I brought that up to the psychiatrist, along with my vision issues, since I’m visually impaired and deal with significant sight problems. And her response? Just, "What is that?"

She didn't even know what floaters were. When I mentioned seeing my own white blood cells, I can only imagine what kind of diagnosis she’d slap on me.

And you can't even get sessions with people like that here in the States. Not at all. You might find someone privately, but man, it costs. From what I can tell, 31 miles, an hour session is a fortune. Where am I supposed to get that kind of money?

Even if I could afford those sessions, how would I even talk to them? Being on these medications makes me feel... I don't know, numb? Like I can't express myself. Plus, when it comes to psychiatrists and psychologists, I just freeze up. My tongue gets tied and I can't tell them everything—the what, the how, all of it. Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to start, let alone when.

Jbn. It's all just trying to fight for some kind of right based on a diagnosis. But I'm not even fighting for it because of actual life struggles; it's more about dealing with the absolute disaster that is the bureaucracy here in America.

It turns out Nakedness actually has Multiplusclusosa—they spent years misdiagnosing her as having Schizophrenia, at least from how I saw things with Njusic.

Sean Hernandez3 said:That's because apaurin, just like any other benzo,
1 extends how long you sleep
2 but tanks the quality (it basically wipes out the most important stages, like deep delta wave and REM sleep)

The instructions for all benzos say they shouldn't be used for more than two months.
Using benzos long-term is kind of like using antibiotics long-term;
it does more harm than good, and building up a tolerance or resistance is pretty much guaranteed.
Patients just end up suffering through the side effects, which with benzos means wrecked cognitive function, memory loss, poor focus, and an increased risk of early-onset dementia.

According to the clinical guidelines for using benzodiazepines in psychosis, including schizophrenia:
1, they should only be used short-term, specifically
2, during a transition period when changing long-term antipsychotic meds, just to get through that window.

But definitely not for the long haul.> https://europepmc.org/abstract/med/27249075

😲

Thanks for the answer. Now what am I supposed to do? For 7.5 years, they've been handing me Xanax to sleep, even though I sleep plenty—actually, too much—without it, and with it, I just sleep excessively even more. I'm sleeping 10 to 16 hours a day—how does that even happen?—averaging about 12, and I'm constantly exhausted and drowsy.

Man, they've really messed me up. It's no wonder I'm almost completely non-functional, and that everything I'm going through—this oversleeping, the constant fatigue, the lethargy, the memory and concentration issues, etc.—is exactly what you pointed out.

I agree with Nakedness on what she wrote—who knows what we actually have wrong with us? Maybe they haven't even identified my actual condition yet, let alone these other issues.

Damn, I've been popping these for 7.5 years, and I tell my family straight up that I'm essentially swallowing garbage. And as for disability benefits or anything like that... no, I don't have any of that, nor do I have any rights to it.

Hang in there, Harold Anderson3. We’re all just out here doing our best to juggle whatever health issues or problems life throws at us. Honestly, the fact that you're still working is a win in my book. As for me, I'm doing alright on Azolar—I'm not having any seizures—but this apaurin is really messing with my head. My sleep schedule is a total disaster. Even when I don't take the apaurin, I tend to oversleep, but since they prescribe it to me specifically for sleep, it just turns into this endless loop where I sleep way too much, which basically flips my day and night upside down.

I actually tried to taper off the apaurin on my own to see if things would improve, but it didn't change much. It's the weirdest thing—even though I'm sleeping constantly, I still feel like I haven't slept at all.

Casey Bennett said:It's done. I've received the credentials and email from Visionary, just like we settled in our private messages. I didn't have the chance to give you a heads-up before the changes went through because administration beat me to the punch. 😁

Thanks a ton. Just seeing this now. 👍🙂🎉

Look, I’m pretty much illiterate when it comes to IT stuff, so I haven't a clue how this works. Honestly, I don't even know how I managed to end up with these two separate accounts in the first place. My goal would be to just merge them both together—maybe combine Visionary S and Visionary S into one single profile—and then if possible, just change the handle to Carol Barrett2.

But hey, what can you do? It sucks that the forum doesn't give us the option to just handle it ourselves. It feels like a massive oversight, especially since a lot of people are probably stuck in the same boat.

Is there any way to actually get this done? Like, merging the accounts into one and then switching the nickname over to Carol Barrett2.

Not much happening, just hanging out. I was just sitting here thinking about things. Anyway, cheers.

Man, you totally missed the point, Dub. Way back when I first signed up as Visionary S, I had no clue you could actually change your handle. So I ended up making a whole new account as Visionary S, and now I’m just sitting here stuck with these "Visionary" and "Visionar" nicknames that honestly just grate on my nerves—mostly because my actual life goals and these names haven't exactly shaken hands yet. I’d really love to swap out this Visionary S one instead of the other. Is that even doable? Or, if things are too messy, can we just wipe both accounts clean so I can start over with something else entirely? Honestly, I'm pretty much a tech dinosaur when it comes to this stuff.

If it’s a no, then it’s a no. I’ll just come up with something else.