So, if it’s possible, maybe go with Vision, Vasion, or Vasiona. Honestly, it's kind of a pain that we can't just change our handles ourselves like you can on pretty much any other forum out there. I actually ended up registering twice once because I had no clue a nickname change was even an option.
But yeah, if it can be done, let's do it. Technology-wise, I'm pretty much a total dinosaur.
Is there any way I can swap my handle from Visionary S. to either Ordinary or Nar? Or honestly, just anything else that isn't Visionary S. Also—if it’s even possible—could you guys just wipe the Visionary S. account entirely?
Olivia Smith2 said:How long does it take for you all to reach a point where you can discuss your conditions with this much objectivity? Honestly, I’m feeling pretty scattered and out of sorts—a bit lost for words, really. Since I don't feel heard at home, I figured I'd vent here—maybe someone else is walking a similar path?
The main thing weighing on me is this sense of instability. Even now, just thinking about my ex and everything that went down triggers this lingering unease. I actually ended up in the hospital because I was convinced I was being played—like she and her circle were pulling some kind of elaborate scheme to control me—and I saw her as this almost mythical figure. It feels like the infatuation has faded, but these strange, unsettling sensations still wash over me when she crosses my mind. I'm not a fan, to say the least. I haven't mentioned it to my psychiatrist, though—I figured I could manage it myself. Was that a mistake? I know she's just a regular person, but the sensation remains so surreal.
Also, regarding that "loss of self" and the feeling that the world is muffled—that brain fog everyone talks about—I stumbled upon this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clouding_of_consciousness. If anyone finds this relevant or feels seen by it, feel free to take a look.
What really gets under my skin is how everyone around me assumes I'm perfectly fine. Even my doctor seems to think so—it's frustrating when no one acknowledges that my perception of myself and the world has fundamentally shifted. Because of that disconnect, I find myself constantly pushing against the boundaries of what's considered "normal" just to cope with how unsettling this all is. It's exhausting.
It’s been six years—though honestly, I’ve probably had some mild version of autism or schizophrenia, or something along those lines, since I was a kid. I get where you're coming from. People keep telling me I'm perfectly fine even though I'm constantly trying to explain that I'm really not. As for my awareness or how I perceive things, it feels like nothing has changed, at least to me. Beyond that, I don't really know what else to tell you.
wanderingmoose13 said:Do you have any help? I really hope you aren't trying to tackle this all on your own. Please, don't turn your back on therapy. Seriously, just give it a chance.
You mentioned that your psychiatrist actually noted how complex and interesting you are. Honestly, that’s such a good sign—it means they’re actually listening to you and truly engaging with what you have to say!
They were trying to do the best they could for you. At the end of the day, doctors aren't gods. They did everything within their power. You really need to find a way to let go of this anger. Instead of draining your energy and wasting precious time being furious, try focusing on anything that might actually improve your current situation. Holding onto this is only hurting you.
The problem is they don't know much—and honestly, they don't seem to care that much about actually helping. Once someone snaps, they just want to patch you up, get you off their hands, and move on to the next one. Like an assembly line. And they barely listen to the patients at all.
When I mentioned having floaters and stuff, my psychiatrist basically brushed it off as some psychological thing. 😵
Then the internal medicine guys just washed their hands of me and shipped me off to psychiatry because I told them my hormones were crashing and that I was seeing red blood cells—basically, they thought I was some kind of freak.
I get it, I was being difficult, but they still should have finished the full lab work. They shouldn't have just done half-measures every single time—especially since even those partial results weren't great to begin with.
And none of those psychiatrists ever bothered to ask why I was breaking down in the first place. They have zero clue about my actual life situation, my health struggles, or any of that.
Regarding the meds—in my experience, that sluggishness feeling usually hits right when you finally get discharged from the hospital. It can drag on for a while if they haven't quite nailed down the right therapy yet. It’s weird, because while you're actually stuck in the hospital, everything feels more intense, but somehow that "slow" feeling isn't really there. Maybe it's just because there are more people around keeping you active, or maybe it's just the sheer stress of everything blowing up at once.
It’s been a full year since my last stay at the psych ward, and honestly? I still don't think my therapy is dialed in. They have me on Azolar, but man, trying to split those pills is a nightmare. I end up hunting for 5 or 10 mg versions because splitting the 15 mg ones I'm currently getting is such a hassle. And don't even get me started on the Xanax. It's totally off. They give me 5 mg, but I'm sleeping way too much—like, 12+ hours a day. Honestly, I sleep that much even when I forget to take it. When I'm on 2 or 2.5 mg, I don't know... I guess I sleep worse, not necessarily less, but I'm tossing and turning all night so it's low quality. But with 5 mg? It's overkill; I can barely wake up. It’s a shame they don't make a 3 mg version.
I get hit with that slow, foggy feeling every now and then, though part of me wonders if it's actually the meds or if it's just me. Then again, it might be the meds. I've still got my creativity, I've still got ideas and stuff, but after years of being on this cocktail, I feel like I've actually developed schizophrenia. Like, I'm terrified that the drugs themselves made my condition—both physically and mentally—so much worse that I've actually crossed the line into schizophrenia, and now I'm just scared I'm going to have a total breakdown.
Rebecca Rivera3, hang in there. I know things are brutal because, as I've said before, MS is a hell of a thing. If you can manage it, try looking into some wellness retreats or hot spring spas. I know people here dealing with MS who found that those types of places helped enough to at least improve their mobility and stuff.
Google it, Rebecca Rivera3. Just do the work. When someone’s been stuck in this kind of... I don't even know how to put it... lethargy for a while, they should just Google it. It means they aren't exactly feeling motivated to deal with anything else right now.
I know MS is a total nightmare. I’ve honestly suspected I might have it myself, but I haven't actually gone through the full diagnostic battery—just did basic bloodwork and a urine test, nothing conclusive.
The reason I suspected it is because I sleep way too much, my vision is acting up, my bones feel weird, and all that. Plus, I get these occasional—what's the word?—twitches, tingling, and random bouts of weakness.
I know people living with MS, and believe me, it’s a hell of a disease. Honestly, it's worse than schizophrenia.
Unfortunately, with everything going on lately—between the meds and just life in general—I think I might actually be dealing with schizophrenia now.
I don't really know what to tell you, other than to fight it as hard as you can, if that's even possible. Hopefully, they'll stumble upon some new treatments that make things a little more bearable for us. Hang in there.
I actually have to do the exact opposite. I need to quiet my brain down. For me, that means drowning out the noise with the internet, gaming, bingeing shows, stuff like that. Because once those thoughts start swarming, they bring all these ideas along with them—some are actually decent, while others are just straight-up crazy, and I’m fully aware of how unhinged they are. Sometimes I’ll even dream up ideas or random stuff while I'm asleep.
As for concentration and all that, I'm genuinely interested in what you guys are saying because my focus has always been pretty terrible. It’s honestly been a struggle my whole life.
Yeah, there’s definitely hope. It really comes down to finding the right treatment plan and, more importantly, cutting down on whatever is triggering the whole mess in the first place. For me? It’s the constant stress and being broke.
I’m telling you, it happens all the time—people get slapped with a mental health diagnosis just because they’re physically ill. It’s basically a byproduct of the system. You get these massive waves of patients coming through the doors, and the doctors simply don't have the bandwidth to actually sit down and listen to everyone individually. And honestly? There isn't much a patient can even do about it if they want to push back against a wrong diagnosis. Especially during those official rounds—that’s usually the only time you can even catch them, but by then, we're all basically sitting ducks.
I mean, they really could have handled things better. They basically just slapped a diagnosis of psychosis with hallucinations on me just to get me out of the hospital—even though what I was actually dealing with was delusion or delirium caused by the meds and my physical health. And then, last time, they jumped straight to schizophrenia. All because I told them I was checking into psych because of family drama and constant fighting at home.
Look, I’m not saying I don't have mental health struggles—I do—but I don't have hallucinations. Even if you want to call it schizophrenia, it’s some vague, non-specific version of it. Personally, I doubt I ever even had it; maybe it was just a milder form of autism mixed with bipolar disorder. Now, though? I’m starting to wonder if all this Risperdal and these other pills actually gave me schizophrenia in the first place.
I’ve also wondered if I might be intersex, or if I have MS. It’s possible regarding the intersex thing, but as for MS, I honestly don't know. I just know I don't feel physically right. And trust me, I'm not making this stuff up—it's not like I'd actually *want* to be sick or feeling this way.
I spend almost the entire day sleeping. My bones and joints are constantly cracking and aching, and there's a whole list of other issues... my liver took a hit, my vision is acting up—maybe it's just my prescription, floaters, or seeing spots—but it feels like I can see white blood cells floating in my field of vision.
My psychologist—who, frankly, is a bit of a hypochondriac herself—decided to pivot her "diagnosis" toward schizophrenia, and since I was totally zonked on all these pills at the time, I couldn't even hold a coherent conversation with her.
I'm not doing well, period. Believe me, if I could snap my fingers and be healthy, I would.
Maybe I'm getting a little too caught up in my own head here, but I just wanted to point out that doctors can absolutely misdiagnose someone with a mental illness when they are actually suffering from physical ailments. Physical sickness messes with your head, sure, but it doesn't mean you have everything they claim you have.
Patients just cycle through there like people on an assembly line, so I guess it’s no surprise things get botched.
I went through a similar breakdown myself—not even because I was seeing things, but just because my body was completely falling apart from God knows what. My vision is going, my liver is shot, being intersex means my hormones are all over the place, my bones are thinning... it’s a mess.
On top of all that, life has just been throwing constant family and personal chaos my way. Back then, I was taking Kefka, but now everyone knows how sensitive I am to it. My metabolism just doesn't process it right anymore.
I try telling my own people that I'm physically sick, but they just won't listen. Even when I was first admitted to the hospital, I told them I didn't know why everything was failing at once, but since I was being "difficult," they basically just brushed me off by dumping me in the psych ward.
I even had my doubts about having MS.
It's just the same old story in this part of the world where nobody listens to anyone else.
Jose Ward4 said:I'm alright, though work is kicking my butt lately. Nothing is going exactly as planned, but then again, why would it? That’s just how it goes. Still, we Americans are resilient. I can't rush things right now, but things have to get better and move faster eventually😁. I need to figure a few things out first. Adaptation is coming.
To us, you guys represent the West. 😬 Honestly, I don't worry about you all that much. While you're over there listening to talk about potential tax cuts coming in the New Year, we're looking at taxes going up here. 👎
Hang in there. I'm out here fighting my own battles too—or at least trying to fight them as hard as I can.
I actually cut my Xanax down from 5 mg to 2.5 mg on my own; I'm getting less sleep now, but I still sleep plenty, and I feel way less groggy when I wake up or try to drift off. At my next checkup, I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist to see if we can officially move me down to 2 mg.
I've started eating more, and I've been having a spoonful of honey almost every day. I've also cut back on processed sugar, though I use a little saccharin instead sometimes just to keep things manageable. Things are slightly better—at least they aren't getting worse.
At the end of the day, we have to try to help ourselves as much as possible, while leaning on others whenever we can. 🙂
Jose Ward4 said:Where’s the crew at?! What’s the word? How is everyone doing?
Things are okay for now, I guess. Life's just getting harder to manage—it feels like a constant uphill battle lately. Haven't managed to claim any of what's rightfully mine yet because I've been dealing with some major headaches... honestly, it's a mess right now.
Honestly, I’m doing alright on this Lexapro right now—knock on wood, so to speak. But man, these diagnoses just fly around left and right, and it feels like they aren't even listening to us patients. I mean, damn, we end up researching our own conditions more than the doctors do, probably because we’re actually looking for ways to manage everything, whether it's physical or mental. Take these eye floaters I've been dealing with—I’m trying to manage them by cutting back on sugar. I’ve switched to saccharin instead of sugar, and it seems like the floaters aren't spreading as much. I know surgery is the only way to get rid of them completely, but I'm at least trying to stop them from getting worse.
It made me think about that specific type of depression... was it cyclothymia? Or maybe something starting with an H? I can't remember if there are two types. Maybe I’m dealing with some kind of schizophrenia now too, but a different version—maybe "nonspecific"? I don't think it's the paranoid kind, though, since I don't deal with paranoia. No hallucinations either—never had them.
I probably experienced delirium or delusions a few times during my illness—maybe the illness itself stemmed from the depression because I was starving myself back then. And if I am intersex, like I mentioned before, my hormones are likely all over the place, too.
The thing is, most of these doctors work like they're on an assembly line. They don't have the time to actually sit down and talk to you. And like I said before, how are we supposed to have a real conversation with them when we're high on meds? I mean, come on—these pills make you so drowsy, and that's a struggle in itself.
I slept for 14 hours today. Bosaurin really knocks you out. They say it could put a horse to sleep, and honestly, the Lexapro does too. It slows everything down. And don't even get me started on what they used to give me back at the psych ward. I don't even know how I functioned back then.
Back then, they had me on Bosaurin, Loperamide, and Lexapro three times a day.
My point is, you need to be able to talk to them without being under the influence of medication. Talking to them while you're heavily medicated is almost impossible—it just doesn't work.
Honestly, maybe I’m actually dealing with schizophrenia now—I get these dark, intrusive thoughts that feel way worse than anything the Risperidone was supposed to fix. It’s like that stuff just scrambled my brain. Then again, maybe it’s not that... maybe it's just chronic depression because everything in my life is such a mess right now. Probably bipolar, but I can't keep the names straight—Type 2, maybe? Some people at the psychiatric clinic told me to just let them throw whatever diagnosis they want at me so I could finally qualify for some social services or disability or whatever. But, well, life happened and I couldn't pull it off yet, though I'm hoping I can eventually.
It’s wild out here—even when people have actual physical issues or other problems, doctors seem to want to shuffle everyone off to psych wards. Like, the other day, this woman broke something and was in the hospital, and then she somehow got injured *again* while she was already admitted—I didn't quite catch all the details—but the doctor looked at her injury and basically told her, "Yeah, you belong in psychiatry." Just like that.
I know I’ve got a diagnosis somewhere in there, the question is just what it actually is. Personally, I suspect it might be a mild form of Asperger's combined with some kind of chronic depression. I don't know the technical term—is it cyclical depression, or is it Bipolar Type 2 where the mania isn't quite as intense as Type 1? Who knows.
On top of all that, I'm dealing with various physical ailments, and honestly, if I am intersex, that could be messing with my mood too.
It's a total circus. Me, my situation, the whole deal.
So, here’s how I figured it out—we were reaching out. Me, Jose Ward4, and so on. I’ve got paranoid schizophrenia, but honestly? I don't feel paranoid at all. I don't have that feeling that someone is following me or watching my every move. I mean, I have the standard thoughts—you know, that the police or the military might be monitoring things—but it’s not like they're literally hunting *me* specifically. I don't feel persecuted.
My mom basically lost it when she told the doctors during intake that I was seeing demons in my family members. Except, I never actually said that about them. I just meant that they—my people—were driving me crazy, like they were "demons" in my head. Not that they were literal demons. It's the same thing as when I said vampires were draining my blood—I was talking metaphorically. My mom just totally misinterpreted what I was saying back then.
She’s still bringing up the stuff they have logged in their computers from when I was sick and stuck in the hospital—all the things I said back then. I was dealing with something specific and was terrified they wouldn't be able to fix it, so I kept mentioning stuff related to that.
The psychologist asked me about it back then, but since I was high on my meds, I couldn't really get anything out to her, so I just stayed quiet.
I finally came clean to my family, though—told them that being high on these pills makes it hard to have any kind of meaningful conversation with psychologists or psychiatrists. That’s why now, when I go to my psychiatrist for check-ups, I usually don't even take my medication until I get home.
I actually told him straight up during a recent appointment. I told him I'm not having any more outbursts. But that’s partly because of my family situation. We aren't fighting as much lately. There are fewer blow-ups because they aren't driving me as crazy, and I'm not driving them as crazy. Even though, you know, life is still life and everything else is pretty much the same.
Anyway, I also posted on that suicide prevention thread. As far as the outbursts go, things are looking okay for now. This Lexapro—or whatever this med is called—actually works. Though, I do feel like I need something extra in the afternoons or evenings if needed, because this one I'm on is just once a day, in the morning. I take it right when I wake up, mostly mornings, though sometimes in the afternoon too.
I don't have hallucinations; I never have. Even though there's a record saying I heard voices—which I think was just the hospital trying to write me off because I was being a handful back then.
Maybe I have schizophrenia now, but without the hallucinations. Just a mess of different thoughts. Sometimes I hear voices, too, but they're just echoes of things famous people said a few days prior—like a mental replay of what they mentioned.
I told my doctor what I suspect I actually have. Specifically, autism and bipolar disorder. He probably typed that into his computer, but they don't believe me. On paper, it still says paranoid schizophrenia. Honestly, I don't care much about the labels anyway—I wasn't fighting them before, and I'm not now.
They just advised me to stick to the official story if I want to qualify for any kind of disability benefits based on my diagnosis.
PS. I know I'm being a nuisance with all this and that this post is a bit of a mess.
Nah. It’s not really about weather sensitivity. More like... whenever the seasons shift, my mood just goes haywire—sliding straight from deep depression right into mania. Though, honestly, I probably checked the box for being weather-sensitive a long time ago anyway.