Posts by Harold Anderson3

Self-proclaimed doctor here, looking for some company to grab coffee with, hit up the movies, or find those kinds of spots where you can actually hang out without dealing with massive crowds or breaking the bank. 😉
Best, Diego

Harold Anderson3 said:So, what actually happened? Why did you guys break up?
It isn't the fact that I'm taking medication that bothers me so much, but rather how difficult it is to function while on them. I honestly feel a bit disgusted with myself sometimes because of how much I sleep... It feels almost like I'm retreating into slumber to escape real-world problems. Then there are those times when I sleep far too little, and I know that's a sign I'm sliding toward a psychotic state.
As for my relationship, I had a girlfriend last year... and I just don't want anyone else to suffer because of me the way she did. Everything started out fine and she was so encouraging, but eventually, she just became exhausted and started falling apart under the pressure.
On top of that, like anyone else, I just want a normal social life instead of living like a total hermit. We aren't bees or ants, but we aren't solitary wild animals either.
I'm not trying to vent here—I know most people tend to steer clear of this topic—but truthfully, I am struggling. I just want this hardship to end, one way or another.

Unfortunately, we still don't have a "silver bullet" medication for Schizophrenia. You basically have to accept that mood swings and occasional psychotic episodes are part of the territory because of the nature of the illness. There isn't a pill out there that can completely wipe out the symptoms without making you feel like a walking zombie. That's why treatment has to be a constant process of fine-tuning based on how you're feeling. It's really just a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils.

Jose Ward4 said:I don't know about that. Honestly, it really just comes down to the individual. In my experience, I started dating my girlfriend back in 2008, and she was on medication. To be fair, I wasn't sure how she'd take it when I finally opened up to her, but she handled it beautifully. That gave me so much confidence—really helped me find my footing with women in general. Women can be incredible. She didn't even realize I was on meds for the first month we were together, and once I told her, her reaction was nothing but positive. That said, I definitely couldn't handle being with someone who is completely unstable or totally spiraling because of their pills. That's a nightmare scenario for me. But that's just how it is.

Anyway, how are you doing? What's going on with you? Anything new?

So, what actually happened? Why did you guys break up?
It isn't the fact that I'm taking medication that bothers me so much, but rather how difficult it is to function while on them. I honestly feel a bit disgusted with myself sometimes because of how much I sleep... It feels almost like I'm retreating into slumber to escape real-world problems. Then there are those times when I sleep far too little, and I know that's a sign I'm sliding toward a psychotic state.
As for my relationship, I had a girlfriend last year... and I just don't want anyone else to suffer because of me the way she did. Everything started out fine and she was so encouraging, but eventually, she just became exhausted and started falling apart under the pressure.
On top of that, like anyone else, I just want a normal social life instead of living like a total hermit. We aren't bees or ants, but we aren't solitary wild animals either.
I'm not trying to vent here—I know most people tend to steer clear of this topic—but truthfully, I am struggling. I just want this hardship to end, one way or another.

I’m currently taking 20 mg of Seroquel and 10 mg of Zyprexa every day. Back when I was dealing with intense psychosis, that amount felt necessary just to stay afloat, but looking at it now, it feels like quite a lot... though maybe I’ll eventually be prescribed an antidepressant to help bring back a little bit of my spark...

Jack Smith4 said:Show me the actual statute or the Constitution link—until then, I’m not buying any of this nonsense. 😬

Well, you aren't obligated to, though I suppose you could certainly hurt your own interests if you don't. The only exception would be if you were hospitalized—in that case, you'd have no choice at all. 😁

If you genuinely need the medication, there’s absolutely no reason to feel guilty about taking it—you just do what you have to do to feel better. On the flip side, if it isn't actually necessary, there's no guilt there either, since it's not some kind of addictive drug that leaves you hooked or unable to stop.

Nicole Barrett76 said:So... God willed it, and I went to visit him. Our conversation was quite pleasant, staying very low-key and easygoing. However, about five or ten minutes before I was set to leave, an older female relative of his walked in—a woman with a truly gentle temperament, a real phlegmatic soul. She immediately asked how he was doing and remarked that he didn't look particularly well. At one point, he mentioned that she keeps throwing things at him, claiming he has an illegitimate child who is four or five years old, even though he insists this simply isn't true; he doesn't have any children at all.

Then, in her soft, mild voice, she told him that he shouldn't believe everything he hears, suggesting that we aren't angry with him because we understand he is ill, but urging him to trust us rather than his own perceptions.

The issue, on top of everything else, is that his mother is an uneducated woman. She told him he needs to learn how to behave in front of guests, despite the fact that he hasn't done anything to harm us. She suggested he should just go to his room if he intends to "act out," stating plainly that she can no longer tolerate him acting this way.

She also claimed that he is connecting everything incorrectly, mentioning how he recently accused her of calling 911 to have him taken to jail, when in reality, paramedics don't take people to jail, they take them to the hospital.

He takes nine different medications in the evening and seven in the morning. Among that massive list of pills, he also takes one specifically for his heart.

Consequently, I am deeply afraid that he might one day actually lapse into a coma or suffer from dangerously low blood pressure due to the combination of those antipsychotics and his heart medication.

It seems to me that he might actually be willing to talk to me about his illness and his medications; but is it possible that he simply cannot do so because of his mother?

My heart breaks for him, truly, because he is only 45 years old, yet he faces another 20 or 30 years—or however many years he has left—of living with this condition.

It’s a tough subject to tackle. Unfortunately, there are so many people out there who struggle to function or just can't find their footing in society. Often, those individuals end up stuck in environments that only serve to fuel their struggles rather than helping them heal.

I've been feeling pretty low lately, honestly—just a heavy sense of melancholy hanging over me. Nothing really seems to spark any joy, and I find myself just wanting to stay curled up in bed all day. It doesn't help that I don't have much of a social circle to lean on right now; it feels like this cycle where depression and loneliness just feed into one another.

I don't really follow basketball, but I'm a bit confused about why they mentioned Andy Murray. He only managed to grab one Grand Slam, didn't he? Usually, when players win those kinds of awards, they've typically secured at least three Grand Slams during the season.
The whole point is that nobody else reached that level of absolute dominance in their respective sports back in 2016 quite like Usain Bolt did, even if his actual times weren't his absolute fastest that year. He definitely ran faster at other points in his career.

http://www.bbc.com/sport/38976144

It looks like Usain Bolt has officially secured his fourth Athlete of the Year award, while gymnast Simone Biles takes home the prize for female athlete of the year following her incredible four gold medals at the Olympics.
With this win, Bolt actually ties him record with Roger Federer for the most awards ever received. It’s worth keeping in mind that since this honor hasn't been handed out since 2000, we're really looking at the definitive icons of the 21st century here. Also, Michael Phelps managed to snag the comeback of the year award.

Jose Ward4 said:I'm alright. Just feeling lonely, really. I miss having a girlfriend. Just having someone there by my side... that's what's missing for me. To just feel that love. To kiss someone and all that 🙂. Maybe the weather just hit me weird today. It feels like early spring out there. Perfect weather to go grab a coffee with someone. Regarding what you said about psychosis—yeah, I agree. And when I have to take my meds, I have to. If I don't, I just don't feel right 😢. Do you deal with those fears too? It's like this illness is practically designed for them. Sometimes I get this intense sensation, like someone is actually going to jump out and attack me outside. But then I walk past someone and everything turns out totally fine. Everything looks normal, and I find myself thinking, "Okay, the world is a normal place." But why can't that feeling just stay? That's what bugs me—how it happens all over again. It's like I can't learn that nobody is actually out to get me. Like I'm constantly on edge. Or maybe it's just a side effect from the pills we take. I didn't used to feel this way. Before, I just felt anxious. Even before the first psychotic episodes started, I knew what was happening. Real versus unreal... you can't really connect the dots when you're in it. But that was a long time ago.

Man, I wish I could help you out, but I haven't exactly mastered the art of dating myself 😁

All joking aside, I’m becoming increasingly convinced that the idea of a lasting relationship between someone struggling with mental illness and someone who is neurotypical is mostly just a myth.

Has anyone else dealt with this pattern? For me, it’s a regular occurrence following a psychotic episode. It always seems to happen eventually, sooner or later. Right before a break, I actually feel pretty incredible—like I'm on top of the world and can conquer anything—but once the psychosis hits, I lose touch with reality and my own emotions entirely. Then, once things finally settle down, I crash straight into a deep depression. It actually got so bad once that I ended up being hospitalized.
I just feel empty, caught up in this heavy nostalgia, and I find myself blaming myself for things that happened in the past. It leaves me with absolutely zero willpower or motivation to try and fix my life.
Does anyone here have any experience with this cycle?
@Angela Stewart6, since you're relatively new to navigating these mental health struggles, I really hope my post doesn't weigh too heavily on you or bring your mood down. 😉

Nicole Barrett76 said:Which symptoms are generally more difficult to endure? The positive ones or the negative ones?

It seems to me that the positive symptoms are tougher, though perhaps I am mistaken.

I mean... when you are calm and "lethargic," you are less conspicuous and cause less harm to those around you.

I believe that hearing voices, thought broadcasting, and paranoia are the hardest things to cope with.

I know an acquaintance who doesn't hear voices at all, yet experiences every other symptom of schizophrenia. Before his last extended stay at a psychiatric facility, he suffered from an intense fear of being recorded. It strikes me that this was actually a fear of thought broadcasting. During his most difficult moments, he would ask his mother for medication and paper so they could communicate via writing, because if he spoke aloud, "they" would record him. I realize that schizophrenia lacks logic, but if someone fears they are being filmed, then "they"—whoever they may be—can film them regardless of whether they write or speak.

I don't believe it was the illness that made him "lethargic," but rather the medication. He functions relatively normally in most areas, except that he is significantly slowed down due to the drugs.

-------------------------

P.S. You do not have to respond if you do not wish to. I certainly do not want to give any of you the impression that I am following you or stalking you; nor that I am stealing, broadcasting, or altering your thoughts, or anything of the sort.

It's definitely the negative ones, at least from the patient's point of view.
During a positive phase, a person feels energetic and emotional, and their brain activity is high, but the issue is that they can't distinguish reality from fantasy. In the beginning, the sensation can actually feel quite good. However, if a psychotic episode isn't recognized early enough, things turn ugly. For instance, hallucinations are one of the more difficult and dangerous positive symptoms that tend to emerge later on.

On the flip side, during a negative phase, the patient becomes blunt, apathetic, sluggish, lacks initiative in everything, and is often depressed. This isn't necessarily caused by medication; a person can go through a negative phase without any drugs at all, even though antipsychotics invariably lower overall brain activity levels.

For the patient themselves, the negative symptoms are more uncomfortable, whereas for their family and friends, the positive symptoms are much harder to handle.
People tend to think, 'As long as they just sleep and stay quiet, they won't do anything bad.' Sure, but they won't do anything good either. They won't do anything at all.

By the way, people more commonly use the term productive symptoms, because there is usually nothing actually positive about them.😉

Lisa Morgan27 said:I’m honestly fed up with my memory failing me. I forget things almost the second they happen. It’s impossible to follow instructions because my attention span is shot—I’ll read something and it just doesn't stick; nothing stays in my head. My concentration is non-existent. I get these weird waves hitting my brain and ears, this pulsing sensation that gets even worse when I try to focus. It feels like I’m physically here but mentally checked out, totally detached. Information just won't settle. I know I'm not demented since I'm only 18, so maybe it’s some mental health issue, a side effect from medication, or some kind of delirium. I don't know. All I know is whether I'm at school or at home, I can't grasp anything or retain it, and I have no clue how to fix this...
I also had this gross taste of rotten eggs from Olandix this morning.

That isn't coming from the medication; it's a symptom of the illness itself, and the meds are actually there to help you manage it. If you've dealt with a psychotic episode recently, it's actually quite 'normal' for your thoughts to not feel quite organized yet. I used to go through phases where letters would practically jump off the page, much like dyslexia but significantly more intense, and fortunately, it wasn't a permanent deficit. Just keep taking your medication and things will start to stabilize. The frustrating part is that the recovery process takes time, but there will be progress, and a full recovery is definitely possible, if not likely.

Yeah, I definitely realized I got my wires crossed there a little bit 😁
@sunčani cvijet, I can see you've been doing a ton of deep diving into your own diagnosis, and honestly, I think that kind of proactive research is really commendable 👍
In my own life, for instance, my mom also lives with schizophrenia, and watching her navigate it has actually given me a much better roadmap for managing my own journey with the condition. Of course, having all that "insider knowledge" didn't somehow act as a shield to prevent me from developing schizophrenia myself, but it has certainly made the day-to-day struggle feel a lot more manageable. There is so much helpful information available online regarding psychosis, and while things like psychotherapy and talking through things with professionals are absolutely vital, I’ve found that there is something uniquely valuable about personal experience—just learning from your own mistakes and seeing how things play out in real time. I'm rooting for you and truly wish you the very best 😉

I can’t quite believe it, but I’m officially celebrating my 10th anniversary as a member of this forum.😛 🙂
So, since we’ve all been hanging out here for so long, I was wondering if anyone would be up for getting together in person sometime? Is there any interest in a little meetup?👍

Angela Stewart6 said:If you don't mind my asking, what’s the longest stretch you've gone without needing to be hospitalized? For me, it’s been about 5 years.

Just a heads-up, though—medication isn't some magic shield that prevents every single setback. Antipsychotics come with their own set of side effects and challenges, too. The whole point of staying on a long-term regimen isn't necessarily to feel absolutely perfect every second, but rather to get you stable enough to actually navigate daily life. And honestly, that often includes dealing with the occasional brief psychotic episode every now and then.
I personally went through one major psychotic episode about seven and a half years ago, and it took me over a year to really bounce back from it (including six months spent in a hospital facility). Then, two years later, I had to stay in for two months due to depression, and most recently, I was in for three weeks because my medication wasn't sitting right with me—plus, work stress was piling up, I was struggling at college, and my relationship ended... so, I wouldn't even call this last stint a full-blown hospitalization so much as a quick adjustment to my meds since it was only three weeks.
If I can offer just one piece of advice, it’s this: please don't stop taking your medication or try to taper off the dosage on your own. Even if things eventually lead to a hospital visit, going through it while still being medicated is going to be much more manageable and less intense than trying to face it after quitting your treatment entirely.

Angela Stewart6 said:Yeah, I totally get where you're coming from. How long have you been living with the diagnosis? I find myself hesitating about the medication because, on one hand, I feel like I might actually function more normally without them—but then again, there's that undeniable need for them to stay stable.

It's been about 7.5 years for me, and I'm 29 now. I suppose if you look at it a certain way, maybe life would feel faster or a bit more upbeat without them, but honestly, staying grounded in reality feels much, much more important than just being a little more cheerful or high-energy. Plus, if you've recently gone through a psychotic episode, you're usually on a pretty heavy regimen right now that will gradually taper down over time, though completely stopping everything altogether... well, that's a tough one to call.

Angela Stewart6 said:Well, I just felt the need to share a little update with everyone! I’ve been in a stable period of remission for quite some time now—which, honestly, I am just incredibly thrilled about. Of course, I still find myself hoping for even better days ahead; maybe there will come a point where I can finally step away from the medication entirely—though, then again, perhaps I should just stay grateful for exactly where I am right now and stop asking for more. Ah... who knows, right? But anyway, I wanted to check in and see how the rest of you are doing with your F20 diagnoses?

I’ve been pretty consistent with my meds, though I actually ended up spending both Christmas and New Year's Day hospitalized over in Brooklyn. The whole trick with antipsychotics is finding that sweet spot in therapy where you slow down brain activity enough to stay out of psychosis, but not so much that you end up feeling totally sluggish and wiped out. To be honest, my three-week stay wasn't even triggered by a full-blown psychotic episode (though one was definitely looming in the background), it was mostly just about fine-tuning my prescription. I'm doing okay now.
As far as a total recovery goes, they say about 20% of people with schizophrenia manage to go off their meds entirely; I know for a fact I'm not in that group, but only time will tell if you'll be one of those 5...

When I first signed up for this forum about ten years ago, I mostly stuck to the psychology section—back then, we didn't even have the Psychoanalyst digital platform to rely on. Over the years, I've branched out and started posting in other communities too, but I always find myself drifting back to the psychology threads because there's just something special about them. I was thinking it might be fun if we all got together this Saturday at a local bakery; there’s a really great spot over in Cleveland near The New York Times, though honestly, I'm open to any cute little shop you all might suggest. You are all more than welcome to join us if you happen to see this 🙂 🙂

I’m looking for a friend to join me at AMC Theatres either this coming Friday or the next one. I'd say I have a pretty laid-back personality, though I can definitely be quite talkative once I get comfortable with someone. Why Friday, you ask? Well, they have that great deal where you get two tickets for the price of one. I’m more than happy to cover the cost of the tickets, and honestly, we don't even have to worry about popcorn if you're not into it. We can figure out what movie to see once we connect. I’m really just hoping at least one person feels brave enough to step out, meet someone new, and enjoy a movie together. 👋