Posts by Harold Anderson3

I thought I’d stir up some memories by revisiting the very beginning of this thread. This was the opening post, and I decided to highlight the specific part that always sticks with me.

briskgull27 said:This condition is honestly so overwhelming that even doctors hesitate to officially write down an F20 diagnosis on your medical records.
I personally can't wrap my head around what exactly makes my experience so "abnormal," and truthfully, I don't even want to find out since it's a lifelong journey.
I've been dealing with this for ten years now.
People often compare managing it to living with diabetes.
It’s such a heavy burden that you'll occasionally run into someone offering "alternative" cures just to get their foot in the door.
A doctor friend of mine once explained that it's sometimes referred to as "cancer of the soul."
As for me, I don't really have any desire to fully embrace that "reality."
That's all for now! 👏
Would you actually want to have a close friend or a family member living with schizophrenia?

So, what would your answer be to that question? Could you embrace someone with schizophrenia as a close friend or bring them into your family circle?

@Rebecca Rivera3 hang in there. Of course it’s you—I know how your mind works, and you aren't losing it. 😉

Hey everyone.
So, I just got back from my check-up with my specialist.
She started me on 150 mg of Adobe SR and referred me to a local outpatient clinic for more intensive care. On top of that, I’ve swapped out my Xanax for Paxil. My Zoloft dosage is staying right where it was at 30 mg.
I have to admit, dealing with all these different medications and constant adjustments has left me feeling pretty drained—almost like I’ve hit a saturation point. It isn't necessarily that the meds themselves are the issue, but rather that I'm starting to lose hope that any of this will actually make a difference. Maybe this move to the outpatient clinic will provide some relief, since it feels like a more significant shift in my treatment plan.

Jason Kim6 said:I'm doing fine, thanks. Amon is a legend—he deserves the help. I'm broke too, I guess, but he’s truly struggling. He doesn't even have a phone—so there's no way for me to call him.

I actually spotted him over in my neighborhood recently, so if I run into him again, I'll definitely try to strike up a conversation. That is, assuming he remembers me—we used to hang out back when we were both patients at the hospital, so hopefully he does. To be fair, I was feeling pretty wiped out back then too, so I wasn't exactly in the mood to be social.

Jason Kim6 said:What a coincidence that you brought up Amon! We became friends back when I lived in Brooklyn. He isn't even on Facebook anymore, and we can never seem to coordinate a time to grab coffee—we actually bumped into each other once in the city.

To be honest, I actually spotted him just the other day, and he didn't look like he was doing too well. He's always been such a kind, sharp guy, so it's a real shame to see. Anyway, how have things been with you lately?🙂

I honestly think you might be getting your hopes up for nothing here. They aren't going to give it back, so you might as well just get used to that reality...😉

Jose Walker14 said:@Harold Anderson3, I’m interested in the book. Maybe it’s just because we go back to that first floor when Amon was still around... Anyway, long story short, do you remember who lent you that MP3 player? We should grab coffee sometime.

PS, you were pretty much a psycho back then, just like me. 🙂

That’s definitely me! I actually stumbled upon that book the other day and saw your number tucked inside, but I couldn't quite bring myself to call you. 🙂
I ran into Amon a few days ago... poor guy looks completely lost wandering around town... I think he knows where he's headed, but he's just totally checked out from reality, stuck deep in his own head.
If you happen to be in Chicago, maybe we could catch up over coffee. 🙂 😉

Andrew Doyle said:Look, you don't exactly have much time during those kinds of appointments. Doctors are often forced to churn through an overwhelming number of patients, and that's a direct failure of the healthcare system itself. I'm not trying to make excuses for anyone, but I want you to understand that this isn't always about the individual doctor-patient relationship. There is a massive, systemic machine behind it all, and ultimately, it's the patients who end up suffering the consequences.
Jose Ward4, any chance you can change your profile picture?

The mental health system here in the States is honestly a disaster. They don't have the time to focus on you even when you're inpatient, let alone when you're out in the community. At least the medications are completely covered by insurance, so I guess that's one small win. Otherwise, your only real option is private psychiatry, and the prices there are absolutely astronomical. For me, it feels like I have to work nearly two full days on a construction site just to afford a single hour of psychotherapy. It's a bit of a catch-22, isn't it? I suppose if someone actually earns enough to afford it, they must be doing okay mentally and won't need the help anyway.

Jose Walker14 said:Hey everyone,

I guess I’m joining the club of people dealing with an F29 diagnosis. I’m currently undergoing treatment for it, and I was wondering if anyone else here struggles with memory, focus, or just general mental fog after an episode? It really wipes me out afterward. Since @Harold Anderson3 is hanging out here, I might as well give him a formal shout-out: "Dr. Harold Anderson3, maybe you should read fewer books so you don't end up taking a path less traveled."

Hey there, and welcome to the forum! 😉
Yeah, most people deal with those exact issues, and mood swings usually follow close behind.
As for 'The Road Less Traveled'? Why not take it one step further and go off-road entirely! 😁

Nicole Barrett76 said:Can you even begin to fathom the psychological state of patients suffering from schizophrenia thirty or forty years ago, back when a psychiatrist was treated like God and held absolute authority over you?

Nowadays, at the very least, any patient dealing with a medical condition has the ability to research their condition through the Internet.

According to professional standards, a psychiatrist should never show surprise at anything a patient says during a session. Years ago, when my therapist attempted to prescribe an antidepressant, I asked her whether, given my specific symptoms, an antidepressant could potentially exacerbate certain issues—specifically because it triggers euphoria, hyperactivity, and heightened irritability. She took such a sharp, audible breath that even with my poor eyesight, I could tell by the sound alone that she was stunned. She looked at me and asked, "How did you know that?" I think I told her I had read it in a book, but she didn't even hear my answer.

I actually learned about that rule regarding maintaining a neutral demeanor from a book by Dr. Nade Žanko - Intervencia regarding crisis therapy. Or something to that effect. I read that book somewhere around 2001 or 2002.

That’s very true. My mother fell ill with schizophrenia about 35 years ago, and she was completely lost in her condition; her surroundings back then were quite narrow-minded, and her quality of life was essentially doomed.
On the other hand, I developed my condition eight years ago. Having seen an instance of schizophrenia in my immediate circle, I could make a pretty good guess at what was coming for me. It didn't save me from the diagnosis, but thanks to all that experience—and the internet—I’m functioning much better now. Since being diagnosed, I’ve only had two hospitalizations; the first wasn't even due to an episode but rather depression, and the second one, about five months ago, was due to psychosis. For this particular illness, that’s a pretty decent outcome, and it's largely because I didn't let the disease take over; I had ways to find information, and I had people who pushed me forward when it really mattered.

Jose Ward4 said:I hear you, I really do. Look, I'm sorry, man. I'm just not having a good day today. It’s always like this whenever I leave a session with my psychiatrist. Please don't be mad at me. I truly wish you nothing but the best. This woman just wrecks me. It’s honestly getting unbearable. And honestly? All these psychiatrists and psychologists... they just throw diagnoses at you that don't even exist just so they can play around with their expensive medications. It's all about the profit. They're all part of the same system. See? Now I'm apologizing and trying to relate. It's taking me a while to finally pull myself together. I think even my primary care doctor noticed, because I showed up at her office looking like a complete wreck. She's known me forever; I've been there a million times. She knows how I breathe. She actually rushed out after five minutes to head toward the hallway where the specialist's office is. I'm not even sure. I just don't feel right when I go to see her, and I always come back feeling broken. I'm only starting to feel human again now that I've watched "normal life" on CNN. That actually helped ground me a bit. It'll probably take me two or three days to fully recover and start functioning normally again. She just breaks me down and makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. You can't truly know a person in five minutes. Sure, they might judge how you act, how you feel, or what you think in those five minutes, but they have no idea what a person is actually going through. You need to spend real time with someone. It’s all wrong. It's all just a way to make money and build a corrupt society. It's all lies. It's just about them getting rich while we suffer. I've been thinking more and more lately that I was already hitting a breaking point back when I was in college. Back at the College of Science. I really think that if I hadn't enrolled there, I wouldn't even be doing this stuff today. Sorry again.

So, where are you planning on seeing your therapist? Which hospital are you heading to? You have to be careful because those places can be incredibly aggressive sometimes; they can practically beat the life out of you just to make you comply. In my experience, they haven't been quite that heavy-handed, but it really bothered me when they kept insisting that I was living a totally normal life and that I was just like everyone else. The problem is, whenever I actually step out into the world or head into the office, it becomes glaringly obvious that I’m not quite like the rest of them. My doctor explained that this kind of reassurace—this attempt to convince me everything is fine—is actually part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and apparently, it’s supposed to work. It’s a strange feeling, knowing they’re essentially feeding me a little white lie just so I feel better, even if it isn't strictly true. But honestly, it feels like whenever there's a choice between whether a patient actually *feels* good or just *acts* calm, they’ll always choose the latter. As long as you're acting quiet and composed, they're satisfied, even if you're going through absolute hell on the inside. That’s why I feel like most of them end up prescribing way more medication than is actually necessary. It’s just a messy way to do things.
It’s entirely possible that the fax machine caused you some grief, especially if you were following the wrong steps. But hey, what's done is done. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to wrap my head around it either, no matter how much of a math whiz I might be naturally. Some things are just plain too difficult.

Nicole Barrett76 said:Please, try not to be so hard on yourself. If it was meant to happen—if you were destined to fall ill—then it would have happened regardless of your choices.

I am not entirely sure which major you chose at the College of Science. However, if your studies focused on biology, and if that knowledge touches upon microbiology in any way, perhaps there is a path toward becoming a lab technician? You could work analyzing blood, urine, or stool samples, operating the diagnostic machinery and issuing reports.

Sure, the work might feel a bit tedious at times, but at least you would be distanced from the crowds.

Alternatively, you might be able to transition into that role provided you bridge the gap between your degree and medical school training—assuming, of course, your background is in biology or chemistry.

No matter how useless your education feels right now, you still hold a massive advantage over anyone who only finished high school.

Jose Ward4 spent some time studying physics over at the College of Science, though he didn't quite stick it out until graduation.

Jose Ward4 said:Wait, hold on. You take your medication just so you can stay active on the forum? Besides, they don't ban you just because you post a lot; it depends on *what* you actually write. I saw someone like that after I got out of the hospital, too. He had no idea where he was. Almost got hit by a city bus.

Whether I'm staying busy on these message boards or out in the real world doesn't really matter to me, as long as I'm staying productive. My main goal is just to make sure I'm not totally falling apart, whether that's online or just navigating life in general, you know?

I’m actually feeling quite a bit better now after finally getting a solid 8 or 9 hours of sleep. I just really hope this feeling sticks around for a while. It honestly feels like that entire week of manic energy and total sleep deprivation just completely drained the life out of me. 😉

So, Carl Rivera43 mentioned Sunday afternoon. What’s your take on that, Steven Lopez77? I was thinking maybe a few more people might decide to jump in too...

Nicole Barrett76 said:Oh, goodness! Let us hold fast.

I am currently being tormented by tinnitus. Is it not strange how the buzzing in my head can become so incredibly loud?

I’m still feeling completely wiped out, even though I managed to sleep for fifteen hours straight. On top of that, I've been feeling pretty low.
Maybe my current medication isn't quite hitting the mark. I think I saw my old therapist last Wednesday, and she suggested that 30 mg of Zoloft might actually be too much for me. So, I dropped down to 15 mg for a few days, and honestly, I felt better almost immediately. During those few days, I was incredibly active on here, posting twenty times a day or even more. Of course, the more you post, the higher the chance you'll run into a ban, which is exactly what happened to me.
It seems like 15 mg might actually be too little, though. I probably need to settle somewhere around 20 mg. It’s such a delicate balancing act trying to find the right cocktail from all these different medications available. In fact, I really need to overhaul my entire treatment plan.
Yesterday, I ran into a guy I knew from my last hospital stay. He was just wandering aimlessly through the city, looking totally lost. He didn't even recognize me. Honestly, seeing him made me think he might be having an even harder time than I am.

Is anyone up for grabbing a coffee or a drink sometime this weekend? The weather is looking pretty great, so I figured...
A few Americans are heading out to Appalachia this Sunday... maybe someone from Psychic would be interested in joining us?🙂

Hey everyone.
I’m feeling a little off today, mostly because I think I just slept for fifteen hours straight after pulling two consecutive all-nighters. I had this major assignment for my university course that I absolutely had to crush yesterday, and luckily, I managed to get it done pretty well. But then, once I finished, I had two melatonin tablets in the evening and I think I basically drifted into another dimension. For the past week, I’ve been riding this intense wave of high energy where I barely slept at all, even though I knew I could probably knock back three or four 100mg doses if I really needed to.
It feels like I’ve crashed right back into one of those sluggish, low-energy phases now, so I'm just hoping it passes quickly today.. ☕

Thanks so much.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Life would be so much simpler if we could view everything through the lens of pure science—just data, without the weight of emotions or love. If I had lived that way for years, my existence would have been empty and meaningless. Is it simpler? Perhaps. But even then, enthusiasm finds a way to emerge because you can develop a passion for anything, not just for a person.
After all this time, I’m finally feeling something again... and it feels wonderful. It makes me feel alive. Every time a part of me dies, it’s as if a completely different person is born. Along the way, I feel like I've lost myself... or maybe I never truly existed at all. I just don't know.

I used to think along those same lines myself. In fact, I managed to function that way for quite a while, which is probably even stranger. Just operating without any real emotion.
But you just can't live like that indefinitely. There are these things called feelings, and I really believe everyone needs them. You have to be able to celebrate when things go right and find joy in success, but you also need to be able to grieve when life gets heavy.
Connecting with people and sharing both the highs and the lows... even physicists understand that necessity eventually. 🙂

It’s been about two months since this thread was temporarily locked here in the US. Would someone mind unlocking it for us?