Posts by Harold Anderson3

Tyler Anderson40 said:Hey everyone. I’m laying this all out because I really need some actual advice. Honestly, I feel like nobody in my life actually gets what's going on with me. I'll try to keep the details brief. I'm 23. This whole thing started when I was about 16. Started smoking weed, a few drinks here and there... I fell in with the wrong crowd early on and, well, I liked it. Since I hung out with those people, you can probably guess I wasn't exactly easy to deal with. But here’s the thing—I scraped my way through school and just barely finished my degree. It gets worse. For years, I lived under this delusion that "it's fine, I'm smart, I'll figure it out once I graduate, this is just a phase." Turns out, the phase never ended. Right now, I’m sitting alone in my room, joint in hand, after about ten beers. I'm pretty wasted. Tomorrow I have to get up at 5 AM for some mediocre job that has nothing to do with my degree. I've tried to quit everything so many times. I've gone to meetings, taken those pathetic pills that leave you feeling like your brain is fried, only to end up right back where I started. At one point, I thought I had it under control, then everything just collapsed again. Half my old crew is either already in prison or halfway there, just like me. My parents don't get it—even though we're cool and talk about everything, including this, they still don't get it. My girlfriend doesn't get it either; she’s got her own stuff going on, so I can't even bring myself to lean on her too hard. I'm just stuck in this loop and I can't find the exit. There's more to it, and I could go on forever, but hopefully this is enough for some decent advice. 🙂

You need to pick a direction for your life immediately. If you can't find that path on your own, please seek out professional help. That's basically the universal rule for any life crisis, including your addiction. Just because you finished college doesn't mean you've solved anything; it certainly isn't a guarantee that you won't completely crash and burn one day if you keep going down this road. Hang in there, and good luck. 🙂

Hi everyone.
I’m turning 35 soon, and I currently live alone and work in a small town out in the Midwest. For the last fifteen years, my life has mostly been a revolving door between studying and working in Washington, D.C., and back here to the Midwest, splitting my time equally between both
locations. Anyway, this is where I am now, and since I know most of you guys are based in Washington, D.C., meeting up in person isn't really on the table or at least seems pretty unlikely. That’s why I’m looking for someone just to chat with online.
Life hasn't exactly handed me any easy wins from the start; I even have a scar on my face from a C-section 🙂. I lived with my mother, who unfortunately passed away about six months ago. We both dealt with schizophrenia, though mine is pretty well managed compared to hers, which was much harder to control, especially since she struggled with several other health issues before COVID finally took her. But, well, it's just been me for six months now, working as an assistant for a construction firm. I’m actually quite content with that part of my life—the pay and the working conditions are solid. I’m not quite sure what else to say, but if you find yourself in a similar boat and think we could be some kind of support for one another, please reach out.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen anything in the top right corner

'Private messages: Unread 1 '

😁

silentmarlin42 said:Earlier this year, I was hospitalized and diagnosed with psychosis, though for the most part, I don't actually experience hallucinations, making this whole situation quite unique...
Basically, my question is: am I allowed to just stop seeing my psychiatrist altogether? Can I simply decide not to show up anymore? And can I stop taking my medication? Do I even have the right to make that choice?

Legally speaking, you aren't obligated to see a psychiatrist or follow a treatment plan unless you've been involuntarily committed to a hospital. However, if you decide to walk away, there's a very real chance you'll end up back in the hospital quite quickly—or worse, you might do something dangerous while in a psychotic state. If you stop taking antipsychotics, every subsequent psychotic episode tends to be more severe than the last.

To be honest, my longtime doctor found a clever way to nudge me into sticking with my prescribed meds, even though she knows I'm not legally forced to take them. She basically told me that under the law, she isn't required to treat me if she doesn't want to. So, while I'm technically free to refuse her prescriptions, I'd have to go find an entirely different psychiatrist if I did. Believe me, if you happen to have a good doctor—and most of them really are wonderful—it’s worth listening to every bit of advice they give regarding your condition.

Honestly, you should just take whatever is on the table right now. I’m planning to stick with these kinds of physical jobs for another few years—at least until I can push through my mortgage and start looking toward some form of disability or retirement benefits. My mom was already retired by the time I hit my current age, and she managed to enjoy another twenty-five years of life after that.

Carol Barrett2 said:Looks like my situation might finally be sorted out, though I won't know for sure until next month 🎉

Wait, what actually got resolved?

Carol Barrett2 said:Maybe they think I've got schizophrenia—and honestly, why would they want someone like that on the payroll? That’s straight-up discrimination right there. Personally, I’ve been declared unfit for work and I'm just sitting around waiting for the Social Security Administration to approve my disability pension. If they reject me, we'll have to file an appeal regarding the disability rating. I'm currently at Category II, though it really should be Category I since I can barely handle basic daily tasks on my own without help.

Right now, I'm on a cocktail of Modafinil, Aripiprazole, Prazosin, and Ativan—doses are roughly 1-0.5; 1; 1-0.5; 1; then 1, 25, 25, and 5 mg. The only downside is the sleep. I've been sleeping for years, even before these pills started, just drifting off for 12 to 20 hours a day—sometimes hitting the 20-hour mark, easily.

I’ve been telling people for years that I might actually have narcolepsy.

It's been about a year and a half since I was last hospitalized.

But yeah, I'm still mostly living in my own little world, almost constantly.

@DR handles this illness pretty well—I haven't lectured him on it, and besides, I'm currently 🎉

Nicholas Bailey3 said:Besides, people discriminate based on skin tone—why wouldn't they judge something they don't understand?
Maybe they're just afraid of the medical leave paperwork?
Who knows. Usually, it's just because it's foreign to them and, frankly, terrifying.

The truth is, they don't even know I have schizophrenia. The doctor who evaluated my ability to work obviously knows, but all she officially noted was that I'm "fit for work, except for point 4 (operating a forklift in the warehouse)." Honestly, the management there is such a mess that I've grown to dislike them. It's incredibly grueling work there, and I'd honestly take it just to have something to do, but everything feels so uncertain right now...

bluegardener said:I totally get that those doses are on the lower side—my doctor tells me the exact same thing—but hey, if they work and the psychotic symptoms stay away, that's what matters! I've definitely toyed with the idea of switching to a depot, but I'm really not a fan of needles, so for now, I'm sticking with the tablets. Just curious though, when you were hospitalized on those smaller doses, did you actually hit a period of psychosis, or was it something else?

Oh yeah, that was actually about five or six years ago back when I was still in college. I was on the absolute minimum dose of Risperdal and Zyprexa at the time, and after having just two beers, I ended up getting into a fight right on campus! One of my classmates, who happens to be a boxer, didn't realize I was struggling with my mental health and landed a punch right in my eye. I ended up in the ER for eye trauma and then spent three weeks in the psychiatric ward. Fortunately, I recovered well, both physically and mentally, and I've been doing fine on Lexapro ever since. I might have a beer or a hard seltzer every once in a while, but I generally try to avoid them. You really shouldn't mix those medications with alcohol.

bluegardener said:Right now, I'm taking 2mg of Risset. They've got me starting on 10mg of Aripiprazole, so my new treatment plan is basically centered around that. As of today, I'm actually taking both antipsychotics together. I'll stick with this combo for two weeks, and then they're going to phase out the Risperidone. Honestly, during my last hospital stay and right after I got out, I was juggling three different antipsychotics all at once just to help level me out.

Honestly, those all seem like relatively low doses. When I was first treated with Risperidone, I was getting 50mg injections every two weeks—which averages out to about 4mg daily—but even when they halved the dose over time, combining it with 5mg of Zyprexa just wasn't enough for me, and I ended up back in the hospital.
On the other hand, Aripiprazole can go up to 30mg a day; personally, I receive a 400mg injection once a month, which works out to roughly 15mg daily. Have you ever considered switching to a long-acting injectable? I know, I know—getting the shot isn't exactly a walk in the park, but it provides much more stability and saves you from the daily grind of swallowing pills. Then again, some medications really are best taken orally, much like my own regimen, so I suppose it's a bit of a toss-up...

bluegardener said:I know I need to get my head on straight, but I’m still struggling to find my footing—this whole situation is all pretty new to me. Honestly, I had no clue you could even take two different antidepressants at once! I might actually ask my doctor about heading in that direction, though I'm honestly not sure yet. For now, I'm just going to see how this switch from risperidone goes, and then maybe take some next steps based on how I feel. Regarding the F29 diagnosis, I'm not sure if people ever actually get off antipsychotics or if that's just a permanent thing. Man, I'd love to try life without them, but my doctor is being super cautious about it. I mean, I really lost it during my last psychotic episode, so I totally get why he's worried.

If I remember right, F29 refers to acute psychosis; nobody gets slapped with an F20 schizophrenia diagnosis right out of the gate. Usually, it starts with something a bit milder, and if those episodes keep recurring, that's when they move to F20. But please don't let the label get you down—a diagnosis is really just a code, a number on a page. What matters much more is finding the right treatment plan so you can function as normally as possible while on it. How much Risset are you currently taking?

bluegardener said:Speaking of emotions, how are you holding up? Are things feeling okay for you right now? Because man, this stuff is killing me—I feel like a total robot sometimes. I'm actually in the middle of switching up my antipsychotics because I keep bugging my doctor about how flat I feel. I'm swapping out Risset for Aripiprazole, so fingers crossed that helps bring some life back!

It should help, mostly because Risset tends to ramp up those negative symptoms while Aripiprazole helps dial them back down. That said, neither one is a magic bullet; the effect is usually pretty subtle. Personally, I'm balancing Aripiprazole with Lexapro, along with Prozac and Latuda for the antidepressant side of things. At the end of the day, how you mentally process everything plays such a huge role too; medication is absolutely necessary, of course, but it can't do all the heavy lifting for you.

bluegardener said:Hey everyone! So, I’ve been diagnosed with F29. Last year was pretty rough—I went through my first and only psychotic episode, and honestly, it was a nightmare. I ended up being hospitalized against my will twice within just two months. It wasn't until after that second stay that things finally started to settle down. Currently, my med cocktail includes Effexor, Risset, Lamictal, and Parnassian. What’s really getting to me now, though, is what my doctor calls "negative symptoms." I'm talking a total lack of motivation, feeling totally numb, an inability to enjoy anything at all, and this lingering, low-key depression. How are you guys dealing with this stuff? And do you think these symptoms can actually fade away or at least become easier to live with?

I used to struggle quite heavily with those exact issues, though things are much more manageable for me now. Since I see you're taking Effexor, that's an antidepressant, which should hopefully help ease some of those depressive and negative symptoms. I've been managing schizophrenia for about 13 years now, and while dealing with occasional bouts of mini-psychosis, depression, or mania is almost inevitable, my main goal has always been to find a steady middle ground and stay as far from those extremes as possible. Wishing you the best.

Nicholas Bailey3 said:And please, don't go trying to lift 110 pounds over there!

steelwalker13 said:Wow, congrats!
I'm genuinely happy for you. 🥳🎉

Joshua Perez6 said:Nice one, Harold Anderson3 🙂

Carol Barrett2 said:Good luck, @Harold Anderson3—I’m still sitting here waiting on my paperwork to clear, so fingers crossed everything goes smoothly

So, it looks like the job is off the table after all.
My doctor actually cleared me for the position on my medical forms, noting that I'm fully capable—with the small caveat that I shouldn't operate a forklift (which isn't an issue since I don't have a license for that anyway), but their occupational safety department won't let them hire me because of it. I honestly can't wrap my head around their logic. They already covered my medical exam costs 😢, and now they're just turning me away like this. So, it seems I'm still back on the hunt for work...$233

Nicholas Bailey3 said:And please, don't go trying to lift 110 pounds over there!

Haha, no way, I'm not doing that. I've already got enough on my plate—I actually need to scale back, not ramp things up. 🙂

steelwalker13 said:Harold Anderson3, good luck with the job hunt, whatever happens!
If you ever end up back in Washington, D.C., you know where to find me. 😇😊

I wanted to follow up and let you know that, unfortunately, we won't be able to catch up. I actually ended up landing a job out here in the Midwest, working at a chip factory—it's the biggest one in the area and easily one of the most established companies in my town. I passed all the medical screenings, though the downside is that the pay is relatively low, even if it's decent enough for starting out, and the shifts can be pretty demanding. I was given an initial month-long contract, so now it's really just about proving myself as a reliable worker.

I thought I’d bump this thread since it somehow slipped all the way down to page three.

It was actually just 13 years ago that I went through my absolute worst episode and received a schizophrenia diagnosis. I spent six months in the hospital, staying there right up until Christmas 2009, and honestly, I still feel like I haven't fully recovered. It wasn't until I finished another four months of heavy medication that the doctors decided to scale back my dosage enough for me to handle a simple student job stocking beverage shelves at a local shopping mall. So, for ten months straight, I wasn't capable of doing anything at all. Even then, I struggled with this intense, subconscious feeling that I was being watched, even though my rational mind knew it wasn't true. Eventually, that sensation faded away.

What followed were several failed attempts at finishing college; I switched majors and moved from MIT to a technical institute, but I never quite crossed the finish line there either. I did get a bit lucky with work after my studies, managing to hold down a relatively straightforward but well-paying physical labor job for about two years. Then, everything hit at once—the pandemic arrived, followed by that major earthquake in Washington, D.C., which sent me spiraling back into a psychotic and somewhat arrogant mental state. Strangely enough, my brain convinced me the earthquake had been staged. But the most important thing is that during all of 2020, I stayed on my prescribed medication, which was a huge difference compared to how things were back in 2009.

Now, two years later, I find myself in a bit of a lethargic rut, unemployed and living alone. My mother passed away, and shortly after, I lost my job. I’m trying to take it one day at a time, but if I don't find something here soon, I'll be forced to move back to Washington, D.C. It’s not exactly where I want to go, but the job opportunities are much better there. I truly believe my life isn't over yet, and I can't allow myself to just retreat behind four walls at 35 and surrender to depression, loneliness, and being broke.

Maria King3 said:

Here is the link.

Something feels a little off about this one. It looks like the link just leads straight to an advertisement...

Maria King3 said:Hello everyone 🙂

I am new to this forum. A few days ago, I started a thread on another subforum regarding my struggles with romantic relationships, specifically one recent situation that left me quite shaken.
It wasn't a long-term relationship, just the early stages of getting to know someone, but we connected incredibly fast. I developed feelings that likely would have turned into deep love if things had gone smoothly.

A fellow member recommended I watch a video about attachment styles. I had done some light reading myself before, but didn't dive too deep. There are four types: anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure.

I am an anxious type, while my partners have consistently been either avoidant or fearful-avoidant
Relationships with them always end poorly due to their tendency to distance themselves, leaving me feeling pretty devastated for a while after the breakup.

I understand why I developed an anxious attachment style based on my early childhood experiences. I grasp the underlying mechanism.

My goal now is to work on changing this attachment style and correcting this pattern as much as possible.

I have a few questions: Does anyone else here share this attachment style, and how do you manage it? Have you managed to change even 50%, and if so, how? What helped you? What are your current relationships like? How does one resolve this type of attachment?
Psychotherapy is quite expensive, so I am not ready for that yet; I would truly value hearing about your personal experiences.

I want to improve and rise above this attachment style. I am aware that I won't "cure" it entirely, but I want to stop dating avoidant or fearful types. They always cause me emotional distress, making it impossible to build the healthy, high-quality connections I desire.

Could you drop the link to that video? At first glance, I feel like I might actually be an avoidant or fearful type myself, but I'd like to learn a bit more about the subject before I jump to any conclusions.

Nicholas Bailey3 said:So, what’s the actual game plan for your mom now? What changes, if anything?

Honestly, I haven't the slightest clue, and frankly, I don't think they have a clue either.
She's dealing with COVID, schizophrenia, diabetes, edema, high blood pressure, and obesity all at once.
It's a pretty heavy situation, and as I've mentioned quite a few times before, things are looking rather grim.

Carol Barrett2 said:Disability is about $120, and the survivor benefit would be closer to $140. That’s just your average pension in Canada. My old lady has the lowest tier, so she’d just get what she’s already getting—around $200. If it went to my dad, it would be his, and she’d keep hers.

We didn't have any steady income for years. We've been hit by everything under the sun during this whole COVID mess. Lost my dad, ended up in psych wards twice—once because of my dad's stroke, and the first time back during that initial lockdown.

If the old woman wasn't working, I don't know where we'd be. We were a charity case then, and honestly, we still are. As for me, I can't work. I sleep half the day—seriously, I suspect narcolepsy at this point—so even if I wanted to pull a shift, I just can't.

It looks like they officially pulled my ability to work. It says right here, verbatim: "unfit for employment."

🕺

My paycheck is roughly $550. Between that and my mom's pension and disability, which totals about $325, we manage. You can survive on it, but that's not really the point. The quality of life is pretty poor when you're working this hard. You make a little more, but then you end up spending more too. Now that Mom is in the hospital, the doctors are finally seeing how far these illnesses have progressed. I tried to warn everyone about this, but nobody seemed to care.

Carol Barrett2 said:Honestly, those local leaders are just out there looting everything in sight. 👎

I'm with you, 👍 and +1

I’ve actually traveled to Canada twice—once down to Little Rock and another time out to Saratoga Springs. We were over there setting up some prefabricated warehouses.
We ended up hanging out with the locals for a bit, too.
They’re really good people, though I can't stand the nationalists; that kind of bitterness feels so unnecessary and honestly quite damaging, especially when it's coming from kids born long after the conflict ended.