Posts by wearyhawk83

Chris Peterson53 said:Or what about those people who just seem to have the universe on their side? I’m talking about folks who aren't even religious—so they don't credit God for their luck—and they don't buy into any spiritual "law of attraction" nonsense either. They’re just the type of people who happen to trip over a twenty-dollar bill on a sidewalk, or find a piece of jewelry just lying there. Or maybe they answer some random trivia question out of sheer boredom and walk away with a massive prize. Even that scenario where a wealthy aunt leaves her entire estate to one specific person instead of her twenty other nieces and nephews—even when that person barely spent any time looking after her...
Recently, a cousin of mine—someone who fits this description perfectly—inherited everything from another relative,
who didn't leave a single cent to their own immediate family.
Knowing plenty of other people blessed with this strange kind of luck, I've been sitting here wondering why, but I haven't found an answer... 😉
How do you actually explain these kinds of occurrences?
Is it pure predestination?
Some subconscious power to attract material wealth? ☕

I’m not totally sold on the idea that stuff like that is actually tied to luck or personal values. If that were true, being wealthy would basically guarantee a high-quality life every single time. Aside from those crazy freak accidents where someone finds exactly what they need to survive, you have to question whether these "lucky" people are actually winning at life. Honestly, I'd put a huge question mark over the whole thing.

There’s also this massive luck factor that everyone just ignores. People see their neighbor hit the Powerball jackpot and suddenly feel like life is totally unfair if they haven't won too. But just look at the lottery numbers—some digits pop up five times in a row while others don't show up for fifty draws. One person gets hit with pure luck or karma, while someone else is stuck working with nothing but the hand they were dealt.
Still, I really think true luck deserves a more honest place in our lives. To me, real luck is just what happens when you work hard to build a healthy mindset toward everything happening around you. As for the random stuff I mentioned above? I'd say that shouldn't even matter if we actually care about ourselves.

wearyowl29 said:So what’s the goal then? Is it even reachable?🤷...I feel like we gather all our real experiences while we're wandering.
Without those experiences, you can't truly realize any kind of spirituality.

Honestly, spirituality isn't a requirement for navigating life...for that, you mostly just need legs!

Look, goals are pretty much always there, whether we realize it or not. It’s not about "achieving" spirituality—it’s about the person growing.

Spirituality isn't even a requirement for getting through life...for that, you mostly just need legs.

Sure, having legs to move around is a necessity. But wearing fancy leather boots? Not so much.

wearyowl29 said:If spirituality actually had a destination, then even the Bible would have legs to walk on...😂
Spirituality is just one endless journey through different lifetimes.

Look, if we don't have a goal, we're basically just wandering aimlessly. You don't even need spirituality if you're just going to drift through life forever.

hollowtrucker77 said:Repeating Monica is totally pointless, but she did a killer job explaining why a thread about "meaning" itself feels redundant
or rather, it's useless for people who are already struggling with psychological issues.

Anyone who can grasp the echo of a single "why" asked of life will eventually have the answers to a thousand questions starting with "how." Some smart person said that once, even if they didn't use those exact words.

The whole point of living is having purpose. Not some mystical, airy-fairy thing, but a sense of meaning that makes every single thing we do worth doing. When you've got a solid motive, you can move mountains. Honestly, sometimes we're even willing to throw in the towel just because of sheer stupidity. So what could we actually achieve if we applied ourselves to something brilliant? Ignoring the question of meaning is basically self-sabotage. It’s ignoring our very core.

Meaning is a philosophical issue, but I’m telling you with everything I am: there isn't a single part of life where it isn't present! And here we are. In a psychology forum. Trying to sell philosophy as something separate from the human psyche, when they are one and the same. Let me be blunt: if people actually understood how deeply philosophy and psychology are intertwined, there wouldn't even be a need for psychology as a way to "make life easier."
"Make life easier." What a ridiculous phrase. It's just proof of how much we've fallen because we lack purpose. Life is joy! Nobody tells you that because nobody actually lives that way! Life is the ultimate beauty. It is the pinnacle of existence. And that pinnacle is infused with exactly what we call meaning!
There is nothing sadder than watching people get lost in the struggle instead of celebrating existence. They get lost because most people view life as this grueling chore that requires "help"—a crutch that barely works and only provides short-term relief. We walk around like cripples. Helpless, weak, and impoverished. Specifically, impoverished of meaning.
It's a disgrace. Life is becoming a disgrace.

I don't expect you guys to get me, because honestly, I know I won't get that understanding. If I did, there wouldn't even be a reason for this thread. But what I would love is for us to start developing an ear for what actually matters. To realize that certain values might transcend our narrow views. Not because they aren't part of us, but because every single brick we're built from is part of that greater whole we so ugly reject!

That's all I wanted to say. No need to keep this going. I don't have anything to fix, and I didn't come here to change anyone's mind anyway. Let's make that clear. It's your call, and I'll respect whatever you decide. As far as I'm concerned, you can close this thread.

Thanks for listening, and catch you later!

Ashley Mitchell81 said:So, this topic might fit in the Philosophy Department, but definitely not in Psychology.

Look, this sub isn't an actual university psychology department; it's a place for anyone—especially laypeople—to hang out and chat. If you don't see how philosophy and psychology are totally linked, then I honestly think you're missing the big picture. Good luck trying to keep those two separate!

Anyway, Jamie Chase6, Sandra Parker3, and Ashley Mitchell81, thanks for jumping in!

Edit: and thanks to you too, Lisa Morales4!

I just finished reading Viktor Frankl’s work on finding meaning through suffering. The guy was a total legend—one of those heavyweight psychiatrists right up there with Sigmund Freud and the rest of the greats, even if he doesn't get quite as much mainstream hype here in the States. What makes his perspective so heavy is that he actually survived a concentration camp. His whole big idea is that the people who truly thrive are the ones who have a "purpose"—some kind of goal to chase. He noticed that the survivors coming out of those camps were the ones who held onto hope, whether it was for their wives, their kids, their jobs, or even just a pet waiting for them back home. On the flip side, once people lost that sense of purpose and gave up hope, they got sick fast and didn't make it. It's pretty intense, but honestly, it makes so much sense!

So, after scrolling through the threads here and over on Psychocouch, I’ve pretty much nailed it: most people struggling with stuff just don't have any real goals. Honestly, if they just pushed themselves to actually set a target, it would change everything for them in the long run. And I'm not talking about small stuff like getting off the couch to grab milk at Target—I mean a real, long-term mission!

I noticed the exact same thing happening with my parents once they finally retired. They just spiraled into this heavy depression because they suddenly had zero "purpose" left to chase. So, what about you guys? Do you actually have personal goals—something real you’re striving for or trying to crush—or are you just letting the days drift by? Like, are you just riding the wave and thinking, "if it happens, it happens, and if not, oh well"? I'd love to hear how you all stay driven!

So, activist kicked off this thread, and honestly, I only just stumbled upon it today. I’m having a hard time seeing how the arguments used to shut it down actually hold water. To me, it feels like this topic has massive potential to turn into a really constructive, educational conversation, but the reasons given for closing it out seem way too subjective. Now, look, I could totally be wrong here—that’s why I’m putting this out there. But if things aren't as bleak as they're being made out to be, I’d love to see this thread get some life again!

Here’s why they shut down the thread—and I’m just gonna lay it all out there:

Look, Activia, I think I get where you're coming from... at least, I assume I’ve caught your drift. But honestly, making those broad, kinda insulting generalizations about the people posting here? Saying that users on this Forum don't have goals—or that their goals aren't "worthy" by your specific standards—is just not okay. Let’s be real: everyone here, including the folks over at the Psychology Forum, has their own set of goals and plans laid out. That much is crystal clear, and there's really no need to debate it. Whether someone actually wants to share those ambitions with the rest of the Forum, or whether other members decide those goals are important or not, is entirely up to the individual. It's their business, period!

I honestly don't see how the opening post is offensive enough to be the foundation of this whole thread. Just because the OP shared her subjective take doesn't mean the topic itself is problematic. Basically, the moderator just voiced her opinion that everyone has goals, which kind of downplays how much power those goals actually hold. What she missed is that beneath every single one of our goals—no matter how different they look on the surface—there’s the exact same engine driving us to act. Personally, I think people don't think about their goals nearly enough. Most of what people claim to "have" aren't actually goals at all; they're just mechanical reactions to outside influences. And if we're that easily swayed, then "we" don't really exist. If there is no "us," then there are no true goals—just default reactions. A real goal is a clear reflection of a being's will and the drive to make it happen. From where I'm standing, most people aren't actually striving for anything; they're just drifting, aimless, and totally lacking in agency. They aren't acting on their own authentic will to realize something meaningful. To me, a goal is the flip side of motivation for everything we do. It's the core engine of anyone's existence, and it's hands down the most important thing in a person's life. That's why this discussion is totally worth our time. Everything we are is defined by what drives us, and everything worth doing is what fills us with purpose!

Thanks for hanging out!

Richard Wells said:Exactly. Most people think they love themselves, but they’re doing it all wrong. They mistake egoism for self-love, or they force their views on everyone else because they're convinced they're always right. They lack any sense of self-reflection. Good grief, I love myself, and I'll be damned if I let anyone tell me otherwise. 🙄 Real self-love is actually the polar opposite of all that nonsense. If you truly love yourself, you want what's best for you.

I just wanted to jump in here and say that playing with semantics totally clouds our vision and makes the impossible seem doable. There's no such thing as "allegedly" loving yourself. It's pretty simple: you either love yourself or you don't.

Someone who loves themselves wants what's best for them.

Having the desire is one thing, but it isn't enough. If you truly love yourself, you act on that desire—you actually treat yourself well. You can want to love yourself all day long without ever actually doing it, but in that case, you're just chasing the idea of self-love rather than actually living it.

casualtiger2 said:Is someone who constantly overindulges, acts selfishly, and is obsessed with themselves actually practicing "self-love"?

Look, loving anyone—including yourself—doesn't mean you can't be totally delusional. Basically, a person might honestly believe they're practicing self-love, but that doesn't mean they aren't just lying to themselves.

brightbadger54 said:There is no such thing as a selfless person, really. It is merely a question of in which situations an individual chooses to exhibit their selfishness. Everyone has limits. Even someone like Mother Theresa was likely selfish under certain specific circumstances. The point, I guess, is whether that selfishness harms others or just serves oneself. If it affects others negatively while only benefiting you, that doesn't necessarily make it "wrong"... for instance, "would you give the keys to your house and car to a gang of criminals?" or "would you hand your child over to total strangers?" Of course you wouldn't; you would be acting selfishly by keeping them for yourself. Would you hand over your home and access to a shower to a homeless person for a day? Naturally, you would if you weren't a "selfish" person. Until people realize that the entire world—and perhaps the meaning of life itself—is governed by the highest principle of contradiction, they will struggle to find balance and improve themselves. Some people rebel against contradiction, while others eventually grasp what it means, at which point life takes on a slightly more pleasant hue.🙂

The Jewish and Roman interpretations of faith and the Bible are, incidentally, incorrect. They were constructed to rule over people through fear. Hell and Heaven have nothing to do with that.

You have essentially just described capitalism. Is capitalism a joyful thing, or is it actually a construct where man selfishly looks after his own interests? Selfishness doesn't take from others; it deprives them. Theft is what takes from others.

I wouldn't go so far as to say selfishness doesn't rob others, though. But you're totally right—it absolutely denies people opportunities.

Thanks for adding that perspective!

ambersailor85 said:Not sure where I picked this up, but it’s a killer metaphor for how society works today—even if it feels like an old fable from somewhere out East.

Basically, some higher power decides that when you pass away, you head to a place that looks like a dining room filled with every delicious meal imaginable. The rule is simple: once you've eaten, you get to indulge in whatever your heart desires next—whether that's just lounging around, chasing romance, or whatever else—and the cycle just repeats every day. It doesn't matter if you were a saint or a sinner; everyone goes to the same place. The only catch? You have to eat using chopsticks that are over six feet long.

Selfish people who end up there can never actually enjoy anything. Their greed drives them to try and grab as much food as possible, but they’ll never succeed because those massive chopsticks make it impossible to grab a bite. On the flip side, generous people will just feed one another and live better than they ever did on Earth.

What’s your take on the people who only care about themselves?

I heard this specific version was used to describe the souls stuck in Hell.

Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with being self-focused as long as you aren't stepping on anyone else to get ahead. If everyone just took care of their own business first, the world would actually be a much happier place—we'd all start sharing from a place of abundance instead of just trying to make every little trade!

Nathan Cook4 said:Perhaps because reaching that level of maturity is required, forgiveness is an ongoing process. How long it takes depends entirely on the depth of the scar and one's readiness and ability to accept it.

Exactly. There aren't many truly mature people out there, even if everyone is getting older.

Nathan Cook4 said:

Forgiveness and forgetting are not the same thing, nor is forgetting a prerequisite for forgiveness. To forgive means to release negative emotions—to stop assigning blame, to let go of anger, and to find acceptance. Forgetting implies an absence of memory. Therefore, they are not mutually exclusive.

Precisely. Generally speaking, it is quite difficult to support a victim without inadvertently triggering more self-pity or amplifying their feelings of shame, fear, guilt, or anger.
Forgiveness and forgetting are not the same thing, nor is forgetting a prerequisite for forgiveness. To forgive means to release negative emotions—to stop assigning blame, to let go of anger, and to find acceptance. Forgetting implies an absence of memory. Therefore, they are not mutually exclusive.

Precisely. Generally speaking, it is quite difficult to support a victim without inadvertently triggering more self-pity or amplifying their feelings of shame, fear, guilt, or anger.
That is so well put! I feel like trying to forget—whether we're talking about our own headspace or how major institutions handle things—is actually pretty short-sighted. If we just wipe the slate clean, we lose the chance to learn from the actions that hurt us, even if we weren't the ones who caused the mess. Shady actions should be remembered so we can learn from them and build a smarter future. We have to act in ways that tackle the root causes so people stop doing such shitty things in the first place.

To me, forgiveness is mostly about the person who got hurt finding the strength to accept what happened. It shouldn't require anyone else's permission; it’s your own personal power to realize that once those scars are there, no amount of reacting is going to undo them. That’s true maturity—looking the truth right in the eye and walking through that door so we can keep moving forward without limping. Otherwise, we're basically stuck in place because of someone else's coldness, some legal loophole, or just circumstances we can't control.

Thomas Booth5 said:I feel like you're right on one hand, but maybe you haven't said everything.
Forgiveness isn't some passive thing where you just roll over and accept fate; it's actually an active move that changes things. Some really tough moments of forgiveness can totally transform both people—the one forgiving and the one being forgiven—making them both better, more mature, and more whole.
And it changes the nature of the hurt itself. It doesn't just sit there as something purely malicious; it becomes... I don't know, humanized. And the people involved change too.

Everyone messes up, including you. You might do it one way, or another. Or maybe you won't do it much, or you'll do it a little, etc.
And I, just to be fair about everything 😍, tried to measure how much emotional reciprocity there should be. I realized you just can't measure it. You are who you are, and the other person is who they are. If you care about them, and if there's something good between you, I guess you shouldn't sweat the small stuff.
You just have to accept people for who they are, in places where it doesn't really matter.
But where it does bother you, you should point it out, and let that person deal with it.

Over time, through hanging out and just... I guess, practicing human interaction 😛, you develop this intuition for all sorts of things. You learn how you need to act. You shouldn't forgive everything, though—that's not good for anyone. Some things just shouldn't be forgiven. But most things? Yeah, from the heart 😍... it's just part of being human, and you just learn for next time.

You can't undo what's already happened. The better we wrap our heads around that reality, the more we realize how much responsibility we have to tackle the root causes of our actions if we want to build a better future.

Basically, I totally agree that focusing on healing the damage is important and often necessary, but it's way more vital to perform "surgery" on the actual cause that created the wound in the first place. That becomes even more obvious the deeper the injury goes.

silvereagle6 said:Well, you aren't Jesus Christ—you can't just exist solely by pouring love out into the world without taking anything back.
Even Jesus had a mother who loved him.

This isn't actually about me or Jesus—it's about something way wiser and much purer than both of us.

Susan Price30 said:silvereagle6 was talking about asocial individuals, which raises the question: what exactly does an asocial person have to offer, and to whom?😁 If we go by the literal definition, the actions and intentions of such a person are directed against their own environment and its social norms. Consequently, they stifle their own ability to grow within that community—referring back to her point about humans being inherently social creatures who can only truly find fulfillment through social interaction.

In that case, we call someone asocial because their behavior and internal motivations work against the well-being of those around them, making them socially maladapted. (And certainly, quite dangerous.).

By definition, an asocial person isn't necessarily acting against the well-being of society.

silvereagle6 said:But if someone is truly antisocial and avoids everyone, how exactly are they supposed to receive love, or have anyone to give it to?
And let's be real—we can't really use pets as an example here, since they aren't equals when it comes to human connection.

Look, love isn't about the person receiving it; it’s all about the way it's given.

silvereagle6 said:Well—it's because he’s just so socially disconnected—he honestly doesn't know how to give love or even how to receive it.

Look, I know plenty of antisocial people who are totally capable of giving and receiving love, so maybe it’s time to rethink those assumptions!

silvereagle6 said:The world around us shouldn't be an absolute lie.
That's such a turoban sentiment to hold onto.
I really hope you've surrounded yourself with people you can actually trust—people who offer that absolute truth and love that you can then pass along to others.
If you find yourself isolated, try to adapt; you can't really blame the entire world for your own solitude. Honestly, there's a good chance we might be responsible for our own isolation.
Humans are social creatures by nature—that's really the only way we can truly find ourselves and thrive.

What makes you think fulfillment depends on that, though?

The idea of having total free will is honestly just a drop in the ocean of our limitations. We're way more shackled by the laws of nature and the whole cause-and-effect grind than anything else. I’m convinced "degree of conditioning" is actually the better way to put it—that’s really what I was getting at in my previous posts. It’s what sets us apart from every other living thing on this planet. As for why we act like beggars when we're actually kings? That’s a whole different rabbit hole, and honestly, that's exactly why this PDF exists.

jademarlin26 said:On what basis are we establishing a scale for a "better" or "worse" position regarding the pursuit of life (whatever that implies to you)?

It’s all about instinct and drive! Every living thing is hardwired to follow the flow of life—you just have to look at the entire animal and plant kingdom to see it in action. Humans are the only ones who actually have to work to wrap their heads around it.

I totally get where you're coming from, but in my posts, I was really trying to emphasize the idea of degrees. I know we're splitting hairs here because if we want to be strictly technical, freedom can only ever be absolute—and if we go down that road, there's honestly nothing left to say. But since we're diving into this, I figured we'd assume a specific context, because there are definitely nuances when you talk about how much someone is "conditioned." Maybe it would have been clearer if I just used terms like "more or less free" or "more or less conditioned."

Benjamin Taylor6 said:DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY DISAGREE WITH ME HERE?

But where is there even to go?

I just hope my answer isn't as blunt as something a janitor might tell a drunk, retired professor. I remember this one guy—completely wasted—standing out on the sidewalk in front of a dive bar late one evening, shouting at the sky about where he was headed, what his path was...
And the janitor just looks at him and goes: "You old fool, and you actually went to college. All roads lead to Arlington National Cemetery."😲😲😂

Plenty of people have tried to help, but in the end, the only answer that actually matters is the one you figure out for yourself.

Where do you even go from here?

That’s the wrong question, and it'll just leave you spinning your wheels. It’s not about *where* to go, it’s about *how* to go.

Benjamin Taylor6 said:Look, I can decide right now to grab a Hershey bar from the aisle and inhale the whole thing in fifteen minutes while I finish my shopping. Or I can just toss my receipt behind some shelves. Am I going to face any kind of TRANSCENDENTAL consequences for that? That’s the kind of cosmic retribution that science doesn't even recognize—science just cares if a security guard catches me and hands me a fine. If nobody saw it, then nothing happened, right? But then you have the religious types claiming I'm going to be punished. What, is someone going to sneak into my backyard and steal a bushel of grapes from my garden just to balance the scales!? 😍
Maybe they'll swipe five pounds of fruit. Or maybe twenty. And honestly, maybe they wouldn't even bother stealing a single grape if I hadn't taken that chocolate in the first place.

You're basically just asking questions and answering them yourself. Maybe it's time you just move on already.