Posts by wearyhawk83

We honestly don't know enough to even try defining it—any other attempt is just guesswork and making fun of ourselves.

hollowraven3 said:How exactly do you think timing played a role here?
I’m hesitant to take that leap, not just because I’d risk ruining—or at least seriously damaging—our friendship, but because I honestly don't know if my heart is truly in it. I suspect the issue is simply that we spend way too much time together. Between our morning commitments and going out nearly every single night (it’s usually just the two of us, though friends jump in occasionally; I can count on one hand the number of times I've been out without her), we are constantly inseparable. We even end up sharing a room or a bed, all the time. I don't know about anyone else, but if it were anyone else, I would have grown bored ages ago. With her, it's the opposite—I always have a blast. Even when I happen to go out with someone else, I find myself missing her. It isn't that she bothers me; rather, it scares me. I've started subconsciously nitpicking small, trivial things, hoping it might give me an excuse to pull away, when the truth is, I don't actually want to.

Timing is everything. Whatever way you look at it, I meant that it's time for a shift, and the real question is what that shift looks like for you. You need to act—and I don't mean just doing "something," but rather trying to get on the same wavelength and explain where your head is at. I truly believe a relationship can't be deep unless there's total honesty involved. So, you're looking at either cutting ties completely (which, based on what you said, doesn't seem likely) or you guys will eventually realize you're meant to be together, or maybe you'll stay friends with just a slightly different dynamic regarding how much time you spend together. Man-woman friendships have always been a gray area with no set rules; it all depends on the vibe, the intensity, and that weird subconscious communication. Statistics don't matter here because every situation is totally unique.

Anyway, I'm rambling too much now, so let me wrap this up. What I'm really saying is that it's time for a change—specifically, an honest conversation that you need to initiate. Whether you're ready for it or not, it's coming soon, judging by what you've told me. Also, don't stress too much about how the talk turns out; I'm pretty convinced that staying in limbo will do more harm than good. When you're stuck not knowing where you stand, just remember what language is actually for: having smooth, easy conversations, being totally real, and making sure the energy flows both ways. That last part is the hardest thing to nail, but honestly, I think a sincere, chill conversation is the universal fix.

hollowraven3 said:I recently started a thread over on Reddit, and even though people were helpful, I still feel like I’m missing some clarity. Someone suggested I cross-post this here (though I'm not sure if it's actually that serious, but whatever). I'll just paste what I already wrote:
"About 4 or 5 years ago, I met this girl. From the very start, we've been inseparable; hundreds of people could be walking right past us, but at the end of the day, it’s always just the two of us. We have everything in common. Neither of us has ever—and I mean ever—gotten into an argument about anything. In these nearly five years, she has completely transformed me for the better. We spend every single day and night together, talking ten times a day. There isn't anything I wouldn't do if she asked, and vice versa. We've become so close that I'm starting to question the sincerity of our friendship... Something in my gut keeps telling me I need to find a way out of this situation, I just don't know how..."
Oh, and she has a boyfriend...
I'm normally an incredibly jealous person, but I've never felt that way about her guy. He was there before I showed up, so it feels totally fine to me. I'm certain she could find someone better, but I'd never say that to her. However, when someone new shows up and she spends time with them or gives them more attention while we're hanging out, it really gets under my skin. It's probably because I know how people perceive her; I've seen a million times how people misinterpret her intentions, and it hurts her. I realize I act way too protective when it comes to her, but it's just instinctive. Honestly, I'd rather never see her again if it meant knowing she was happy, but I'm terrified that's exactly what will happen—that she'll end up stifling all that incredible energy of hers. I'm not saying I'm "in love," but it's deeper than that. I'm struggling with whether this can stay a pure friendship or if I'm eventually going to have to burn the bridge entirely.

I think time has finally made its decision for you...

What's really going on here? Honestly, I think the only way to find out is to dive in. And man, why not? It’s obvious you totally get the vibe and you know exactly where this is heading. You know the plot is reaching its climax and you're about to make your move. Whatever happens, just keep a smile on your face. Like the legend says... "The show must go on!"

Jerry Martinez5 said:I second everything Charlotte wrote, great post 👍

To add to that: why would anyone bother with you? For what reason? Maybe you should flip the script: why don't you bother with someone else?

And don't just look at the most popular kids who have a hundred friends. Look around you; surely there's someone out there with a shared interest (music, or whatever) who isn't totally obsessed with being social.

And think about the vibe you're putting out there. Whenever I hear someone say "everyone is conceited," I bet they're projecting this vibe: I'm tough, I'm the smartest one here, I don't need anyone. If you've built up that kind of armor, it’s only natural that people assume you're alone because that's clearly your choice. A little smile, a bit of effort... for example, if you're in high school, offer to let a teammate copy your homework. Just once, then a second time, then a third... eventually, they'll get used to your presence and start inviting you out. In college: be the first one to grab the study guides and mention you're happy to share them. At work: if you see someone struggling, just ask: "How's it going? Can I help?" 🙂 It's actually pretty easy to make contact with people when you actually want to. If you just sit at home thinking everyone else sucks—well, that's impossible.

Man, that is just beautifully put. Seriously, that message just radiates positivity. If everyone could catch that vibe—if we all just made an effort to do one kind thing for someone every single day without expecting a damn thing in return—the whole world would basically do a complete 180.
Look, if you can build yourself up to be strong enough and self-aware enough to actually function on your own, you’re building on solid ground. Once you lay that foundation, nothing can shake you. It’s a huge contrast to people who are surrounded by a million so-called "friends" but don't actually have a single soul they can lean on. Those people just end up bitter at the world because life isn't meeting their expectations, especially when it comes to how people communicate—which is basically the main energy source in society these days. I've learned that you have to get comfortable with yourself first. That means doing the deep work, looking inward, and treating self-growth as a lifestyle rather than some quick fix. Once you do that, you become self-sufficient, and because you're acting in harmony with others, you naturally become the kind of person people actually want to call a friend.

swiftotter95 said:🙂 Is this getting closer to what I was aiming for??? I'm happy to try, but I always seem to trip over my own feet regardless of how much effort I put into it...

Not quite. If you look at life in general, Nancy goes hand-in-hand with expectations. Mastering the art of living without any expectations at all is a real skill, but honestly? You just gotta find that sweet spot in the middle.

swiftotter95 said:How can I start helping myself? Deep down, there’s this heavy sense of despair and listlessness that I feel like I’ve been tripping over my own feet over for my entire life... Every single time I face a new experience, holding onto this tiny flicker of hope that I might finally encounter something truly authentic, something liberating and joyful, I just seem to stumble at the very first hurdle, as if this profound state of being is woven into the very fabric of who I am.
Has anyone else here, dealing with a similar internal struggle, actually managed to find their way out of this darkness???

Honestly, I think you just perfectly described what it's like to live life with a much deeper perspective on things.
I really feel like the sticking point is that word "hope" in your sentence—to me, that’s the secret to breaking free. You just have to focus on taking action a bit more and spending a little less time stuck in your own head. 🙂

Edward Flores4 said:Don't mention it!

The issue here isn't really about the formal definitions themselves, but rather the actual meaning and the "direction of action." Empathy isn't an "action" you perform; it's an experience you undergo—and honestly, that’s not just some trivial semantic nitpick or a debate over word choice.

What you're saying is a completely inaccurate interpretation of what empathy means, and frankly, it's a total mischaracterization of how empathy actually manifests itself.

"The roots of morality lie within empathy"—that isn't my own profound wisdom, and whether it's objectively true doesn't even matter to me; it's more than enough for me to bring it up to clarify my intent within this broader context.

It doesn't matter "whose wisdom" it is—what matters is whether it makes sense, or if that "wisdom" is actually just nonsense. For a discussion to work, we need to deal with facts; otherwise, we're just spinning our wheels, shouting nonsense without any real direction or progress.

Maybe try looking at other people's posts through a more constructive lens. If you try to see things from the author's perspective, you might find you lose that urge to constantly push your views or hunt for a counterpoint.

And what exactly is "constructive" about reaching a conclusion based on faulty assumptions and wrong interpretations?

I’m not trying to force anything on anyone, and I truly couldn't care less if you decide to change your mind or not. My only concern is that you aren't spreading misinformation to others.

If you want to facilitate actual change, maybe think a little less and spend a moment actually considering what the words being discussed mean... if possible, before you dive headfirst into a debate.

Because if I personally wanted to play devil's advocate against someone's post, they might as well move their entire setup into the software of their laptop.

When I feel the need to push back, you'll know. Right now, I'm simply correcting you by offering a different interpretation, which is pretty much the whole point of having a discussion. If that bothers you, then maybe don't engage in the discussion at all.

I can see you possess a rich vocabulary and significant knowledge, so you are quite eloquent; therefore, I have no doubt you will understand my words and my intent.

No... I still don't get the purpose of drawing conclusions based on incorrect and unfounded premises. Honestly, I think it's a complete failure—a total waste of time and a waste of space on a web server!

Thanks again for the feedback—even if you didn't mean for it to be constructive, I'm betting the intention was definitely there.

The thing is, being constructive isn't just about what you intend to do, and having an opinion isn't quite the same thing as actually understanding the subject matter.

I'm with you on this. Thanks for pointing those things out. 🙂

Edward Flores4 said:The first part of that is sort of on the mark, but the second half misses the target entirely.

empathy
The word dates back to 1903, translating the German *Einfühlung* (from *ein* "in" + *Fühlung* "feeling"), which was actually coined back in 1858 by the German philosopher Rudolf Lotze (1817-81) from the Greek *empatheia* "passion"—derived from *en-* "in" + *pathos* "feeling" (check out *pathos* if you want more context). It originally stems from a theory regarding how we appreciate art. We didn't start using "empathize" as a verb until 1924, and "empathic" popped up as an adjective around 1909.

If sympathy is basically an affinity toward a person—you know, our subjective perception of them—then empathy can't possibly be an action; it has to be an experience, too!

Plus, compassion isn't just about mirroring someone else's feelings—that's way too simple. The reality of compassion is much more nuanced than that.

Think about it this way: imagine we're sitting in a board meeting at a big firm like Microsoft, and I hear through the grapevine that you're being laid off because your role is being automated. In that exact moment, I feel compassion for you, even though you don't even realize yet that you're losing your job and your paycheck.

So, compassion ISN'T just identifying with someone's mood. It’s actually a cognitive quality—it comes from your ability to project yourself into the specific circumstances another person is facing. That allows you to form your own internal understanding of their position, rather than just blindly "copying" whatever emotional vibe they happen to be putting out.

The roots of morality are hidden within empathy.

I disagree.

Thanks for the feedback! There's always room for different interpretations, but my comment wasn't meant to be a dictionary entry—I was trying to jump into the conversation with a specific goal in mind. If I actually wanted to drop a formal definition, I could have pulled ten scholarly versions off Google in two seconds.

And hey, saying "the roots of morality lie in empathy" isn't my own deep wisdom; whether it's 100% true doesn't even matter to me. For my purposes, it was plenty enough to mention so I could clarify what I was getting at in the bigger picture.

Maybe try looking at people's posts a bit more constructively? If you try to see the point through the author's eyes, you might lose that urge to push your own views or just hunt for an argument. Honestly, if I personally wanted to spend my time nitpicking everyone's posts, I could probably just move my consciousness into my MacBook's software. 🙂

I can tell you've got a massive vocabulary and a ton of knowledge, and you're super eloquent, so I'm sure you'll catch my drift on how I view this.

Thanks again for the critique! Even if it wasn't constructive in its wording, I'm betting the intention was there. 😉

wisdom belongs to the 😉

Haha, cool link! I've actually seen something similar before—like with those optical illusions involving bumps and dips. If you look at a picture of some painted circles, people will always swear one way because they're hardwired to assume light is coming from above. But the second they flip the image, they see the exact opposite because the shading on the edges shifts. It’s basically just unconscious reasoning at work. Sadly, I've got an example of this in a physical book, but nothing handy in a virtual format right now.
As for the whole emotion thing, I’d suggest taking a much deeper dive into what that word actually means. Once you do, I honestly think the conclusion is just a state of being non-living.
I’m probably going to step back from this topic, though. There are so many different perspectives on it that I feel like I don't even have the right vocabulary to do it justice. Plus, I've already absorbed so much info on this that I can just tell you: the answer is right there. It’s so simple it doesn't even need to be said since everyone just interprets their own "version," yet on the flip side, you can talk about it so sophisticatedly that you'd need a 160 IQ just to wrap your head around it. At the end of the day, it all leads to the same spot, so I'm gonna save my brain cells the extra effort. 🙂

Charles Diaz56 said:By this, I am referring to a sense of liberation from one's own emotions. Is it truly possible to attain absolute stillness within a restless mind, to actually perceive the voice of silence?
How does one learn to master their biological senses? And how can one achieve a state of heightened, transcendent sensitivity?

That's a total contradiction, honestly. It’s just too vague. On one hand, you want to ditch emotions, but on the other, chasing "absolute peace" is just another emotion itself! If you look at it closely, emotions are pretty much all we are, unless you're talking about some super narrow definition.

I think it’s a huge stretch to generalize like that, especially since there’s such a massive spectrum between the two extremes. But if we're talking pure selfishness? Honestly, everyone is a little bit egoistic. We all feed our egos one way or another—whether we're being selfless or just grabbing what we want, it all serves the self. That said, I see a pretty clear distinction here: people who "feed" their ego by constantly taking from others (which is how most folks define selfishness) can be empathetic, sure, but usually only with their inner circle. On the flip side, I'd argue that people who are more introspective and find ways to nourish their ego through internal growth or external experiences tend to be much more empathetic overall. Of course, that’s just a rough breakdown; most people land somewhere in the middle. My main point is that we are all undeniably egoistic—it really just comes down to how objective an individual can be about it. It’s awesome to be self-aware, but living with others means feeding your ego by giving of yourself to get what you need, rather than constantly draining everyone else's energy through pure egocentrism, attention-seeking, being pushy, or those darker behaviors like intentionally hurting people.

The more people argue about it, the more I actually dig it. It all just depends on your perspective. -cogito, ergo sum
Reality might be an illusion, sure, but the things we feel—the highs and the lows—those are as real as it gets.
If you really want to experience what you're aiming for, fine, take the shortcut: one bullet to the head and boom, you become whatever people say you are. But hey, think twice—aren't you already everything you ever wanted to be?
I'd love to express myself clearly enough for someone to actually get me, but honestly? A morning coffee while watching the sunrise is plenty to satisfy my ego. 🙂
Since these debates never seem to end... here’s a famous one for you. I can't even remember where I dug these words from...

"I live in expanding circles, longing to be embraced by them more and more. I may never reach the final circle, but I am trying. I circle and circle around God, that ancient tower, for thousands of years, and I still don't know if I am a hawk, a whirlwind, or the great song of this world." T. S. Eliot

From what I gather, the rough difference between compassion and empathy is pretty simple: compassion is basically identifying with someone else's vibe or emotions. Empathy takes that a step further by adding an actual reaction to the situation. So, if you see someone struggling, being compassionate means you get where they're coming from and maybe adjust your behavior to be respectful of their situation—though how much you do varies wildly. But empathy? That’s feeling for them *and* taking action, like giving them a hug or doing something tangible to make their life easier. To me, the roots of true morality are buried right there in empathy.
Honestly, when it comes to debating empathy versus compassion, I don't think we need to overanalyze the definitions too much. You can just look them up online. What really matters is actually living by them every day, which is something you almost never see nowadays. Especially in massive American cities—you could have someone literally dying on a sidewalk in NYC or LA, and a sea of people could walk right past without lifting a finger. Sure, some might feel bad for them, but only the empathetic ones are actually going to step up and help.
Also, let's be real: the capacity for empathy and compassion is hardwired into our brains. Some people are just born with those specific neural pathways being less developed, which can make them more prone to violence or just being totally out of touch. I'm not trying to excuse extreme behavior, but for the vast majority of us, these qualities are there; it just comes down to how much we choose to nurture them. That's where you see someone's true maturity and "goodness." It’s honestly a tragedy how we've all collectively forced this frantic pace of life on ourselves using excuses like, "Oh, my schedule is just too packed." (Again, that's the majority, obviously there are always outliers). Everyone claims life is moving too fast to stop and care about anyone else, but most people aren't even conscious of what they're running toward anymore. They've just fallen into this mindless loop and they're weirdly comfortable with it. But hey, if that's how they want to live, that's their call. They found their ego boost in hollow things, just like I found mine in my own pursuits. At the end of the day, it's a personal choice, and nobody has the right to judge.