Posts by Arthur Young4

Hi 🙂 Is it possible to change my username to something without "desert" or maybe just "willow"?

Sure thing, Arthur Young4. Just send a DM to rustydrifter10 with the link to this post. 🙂

Sam Hayes said:...especially if you’re generally the type who stays quiet and keeps to themselves. When someone like that finally reaches their breaking point, everyone usually just shuts up—though, of course, they probably spent all that time before then pushing every single button they could find. That phrase, "you can try all you want, but you won't get anywhere," really hits home, doesn't it?🙂

Honestly, being the target of constant belittling or any kind of bullying is such an awful experience to go through. I truly hope anyone finding themselves in that kind of situation can find a way out as quickly as possible—whatever that looks like for them. At the end of the day, nothing is more important than your well-being, especially your mental health.

I agree. It seems if you happen to be calm and reserved, people label you as mute, a freak, or less valuable. They assume you can't defend yourself and that you're an easy target.
Never let anyone walk over you; if you don't value yourself, no one else will. A person's worth is found in their actions, not in constant chatter or projecting their own complexes onto someone they perceive as weak.

The past is behind me. I’m fully aware of my mistakes, and honestly, things might have gone differently if I weren't so emotional or if I had thicker skin. If I hadn't spent so much time overanalyzing everything and focused more on myself, the small stuff wouldn't sting so much. All I can do now is take the lessons learned, slam the door on what was, and move on.

Try to find some silver lining in rural life. There’s a certain peace in having nature right outside your door, fresh air, and a sense of freedom most city dwellers can't even fathom. Plus, having a pet can be a great way to force yourself into a regular walking routine. If running isn't your thing, just walking will do. It’s also an ideal time to pick up an old hobby or finally start a new one. I’d suggest diving into some psychology or self-help books to get a better handle on who you actually are. Or just read whatever interests you. As for TV, try to cut it back—specifically stay away from those trashy tabloids and sensationalist news sites. You need things that actually lift your mood; you're young, and you should surround yourself with things that feel positive. I'm not saying you shouldn't stay informed about the world, but don't let the news cycle be your only source of daily engagement.

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:I’ve always found myself wondering—seriously, what kind of deep-seated secrets are people actually terrified of leaking? It’s one of those things that sticks in my craw. Personally, I don't have much of a filter; if I think it or feel it, I'm putting it out there—no hesitation, no nothing. So, the whole concept of "trust" or being afraid of someone spilling your guts just doesn't bother me the way it seems to rattle everyone else. Honestly, though, I wouldn't mind stepping outside of my own head for a second and seeing how the rest of the world perceives things. Maybe then I'd get why everyone is so guarded.

It could be anything. A messy family situation you wouldn't want the neighbors hearing about, or perhaps a past trauma. Those kinds of things aren't meant for the public; they are meant for a trusted confidant. If you reveal a "secret" to the wrong person, there is a high probability they will misinterpret it because they don't truly know you. They won't just misunderstand—they'll end up gossiping about it to everyone from the guy next door to your closest friends.

Sophia Phillips75 said:It has happened to me more than once—opening up to someone only to have them betray my trust. I’ve always lived by the rule "keep it between us," and frankly, I can't wrap my head around people who feel this compulsive need to recount secrets to a third party. They love using that line, "Oh, you don't know this, but let me tell you what [Name] whispered to me..." I honestly can't decide if they're just being malicious or if their lives are simply too empty to sustain an actual conversation. I really don't get
people like that. I actually ended a friendship recently because of this exact issue. Looking back, the girl had been dropping hints that she was a total gossip, but I missed the signs. Apparently, I'm terrible at reading people. 👏 To make a long story short, I shared something with her during a moment of vulnerability. A few weeks later, some other "friend" from our same circle let it slip, mentioning something that only my then-BFF 🙂 could have known. I ended up asking her out for coffee to confront her with the facts. She used to constantly dish dirt on other people to me, too—secrets I never asked for and didn't care about since they didn't involve me. But when confronted, she pulled the classic move: "I didn't say anything, you're just twisting it. You're sticking to your guns, but I don't want to lose you as a friend..." Her excuse for spreading everyone else's business was, "Well, yeah, but I only told *you*." Except, it wasn't just me; it was three other girls. She didn't even apologize. If she had just said, "Look, I messed up, it slipped out, I'm sorry," the whole situation would have been different. I told her straight up that I couldn't trust her anymore and that I wasn't interested in a deep connection. I meant it in the sense of, "Fine, we can grab a drink or hang out, but I am absolutely not sharing my inner life with you." There were tears involved, sure, but I stood my ground. I told her she wasn't a real friend. Eventually, I distanced myself from that entire social circle she introduced me to. I never formed deep bonds with the others, but they're all the same breed—sitting around over drinks, gossiping about one another while pretending to be oblivious, acting like "you wouldn't believe this..."
This is the second time I've dealt with this pattern: opening up and being burned. So, no, I don't trust people. It's easier for me when I don't divulge my private business. Sometimes people try to pull me into their drama by confiding in me, but I've learned my lesson. You stay naive until you hit the floor hard enough to learn. Now, I prefer to keep things casual without any heavy, intimate questions
Just having fun and enjoying life...
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one with the problem. Am I socially maladjusted or something? Some other psychological label...
Has anyone else gone through something similar? 🕺

Of course you're fine. We learn from our mistakes. In the future, just don't trust anyone until you truly know them. By that, I mean spending enough time together to build a superficial friendship first—grabbing coffee without diving into emotions or intimacy. Only after time passes, you see you share common ground, observe their character, and realize they have actual substance, should you even consider deepening the connection.

This isn't a foolish topic. We all hit those slumps where nothing seems to matter or bring any joy anymore. I've been there myself, still trying to find my footing. Self-awareness—of both yourself and the world—is vital. Wandering aimlessly without purpose is the worst way to live. Life is a constant struggle, plain and simple. We convince ourselves we have everything planned out, only for it all to fall apart, forcing us back to square one. No one is perfect, and there's no sense in beating yourself up when things go sideways. You just have to learn from the mess and keep moving. Certain events might drag you back to old, uncomfortable places, but perhaps revisiting those moments is the only way to finally settle the score with yourself. An event only affects you as much as you allow it to. We come out of every fight stronger. Ups and downs are inevitable, even if it feels like the downs are winning.

There’s really no point in endless messaging if there isn't a genuine desire to meet in person. You’ve actually met him, so you’re in a better position to judge. He might just be insecure, lacking the confidence to face the reality of whether you'll actually click once the screen is gone. It’s also possible he’s dealing with some deep-seated frustrations regarding women, using this digital connection to patch up wounds left by someone from his past. Or maybe he’s just terrified of getting hurt again. Some people are simply lost in their own search for identity, drifting without knowing what they truly want—those types can be difficult to read. Regardless, it’s a dead end. What were his actual excuses for avoiding a meeting?

Don't worry, you're perfectly sane.😁 Based on your description, he really is an outlier, so I get why you feel this way. You grew attached because you focused on his best qualities, building this image of a truly exceptional guy who was always there for you. He might just be some misunderstood soul who hasn't figured himself out yet, but keeping you in limbo like that wasn't right. You aren't some emotionless machine; you're a person with feelings that can actually be hurt. Those emotions are hitting hard right now, making it feel like you'll never move on. Don't regret never meeting him in person or blame yourself—it happened the way it had to. You're young, and it isn't worth losing sleep over someone from a screen or a digital space. Time is the only thing that will break the grip of this illusion.

restlessdriver42, I see a bit of myself in what you wrote. It might be worth seeking out a therapist if you can find a way to make regular sessions work. While the heavy lifting is ultimately up to you, having a professional in your corner makes things significantly easier. Parents often act without realizing the damage they cause; their intentions aren't malicious, yet the impact remains. Those early experiences shape how we function in society later on. If you were a sensitive child, you likely internalized those moments, subconsciously convincing yourself you weren't worthy of attention or affection. That breeds deep-seated insecurity. Regarding the men you mentioned, it looks like a preemptive strike against rejection—you won't even start something because you're terrified of the inevitable end. You're bracing for the loneliness you assume follows a breakup. That’s a mistake. Carrying that level of caution is self-defeating. Sometimes things have to fail so we can learn and grow. The key is simply learning where to draw the line with others. You can't rewrite your childhood. The only path forward is forgiving yourself and them. Stop dwelling on what happened; that version of you is gone. By sharing this, you've already shown significant self-awareness. The most vital step now is learning to accept yourself—flaws and all—as someone who truly deserves respect and love.