I’ve been a high-strung person for years—someone who reacts intensely to everything and finds it nearly impossible to sit still. But lately, it’s started causing real issues, and the restlessness seems to be escalating... I function perfectly fine when I’m physically active or spending time with people, but the moment I’m left alone, I completely fall apart. I can't focus on anything, I can't stay still, nothing. Over the last few days, my behavior has been a mess. When I sit down to eat, I intentionally overeat until my stomach actually hurts. I’ve even started biting my nails again—something I haven't done in at least five or six years. And don't even get me started on how much my studying for finals is suffering. I realize this might not seem like a major issue to you 🤣, but for me, it's a massive problem.
Does anyone know what might help me calm my nerves? 🤷
Michelle Thomas45 said:Well, great—so it’s working exactly how the manual says it should! What was the original reason your doctor put you on this stuff anyway? And how exactly did that "better" feeling start creeping in?
It says right here—mixed anxiety and depressive disorder. :/ I've been in a deep depression for a long time now. A total slump. I have a feeling this might actually be pulling me out of the grave...
I know two people who actually choose who they fall in love with... and frankly, they're incredibly cold...
Sure, at the start, you can pick who you want to go out with. You look at who’s more attractive or whose personality seems like a decent fit. But once you actually start building a connection—once someone starts to mean something to you—if you're still sitting there calculating things like you're picking out groceries at a Walmart, then you're just a cold person in my book. To me, it’s much better to spend your life actually loving someone than spending your whole existence hunting for the one person who will love you back and keep you on a tight leash.
My point is, I think those kinds of people are pretty selfish. They don't really know how to love.
I’ve been on it for about three weeks now... I only just started feeling the effects. Honestly, I assume this improvement in my mood is thanks to the 🙂 pills.
A guy and I have developed a bit of a hobby lately—testing our limits with things that are genuinely terrifying. Right now, we're obsessed with extreme roller coasters. Honestly, once we start making some real money, I wouldn't be surprised if we move on to even more dangerous thrills...
Anyway, I wanted to ask: is it actually possible to have a heart attack from the sheer adrenaline rush on these rides? You always see those warnings posted everywhere saying they aren't for people with heart conditions... The other day, this guy saw a video on TV of one insane coaster. It climbs incredibly high, flips you upside down so you're staring straight at the ground, and then drops you in a rapid spiral like you're just freefalling. Reading about it makes it sound manageable, but the reality is always way more intense than I can imagine. Is there a legitimate risk of someone suffering a heart attack simply because they're terrified of dying? (I've read accounts where people pass away before any physical injury occurs, purely because the shock or the fear of death is too much...)
To be clear, my heart is perfectly fine. But... I think I might be more terrified of this than everyone else combined. Even after the ride is over, I'm not laughing. Instead, I’m left in total shock for the rest of the day. My chest aches, and I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes, I get the sensation that the coaster is about to launch again...
Should I even keep doing this, or would it be smarter to find a different way to spend my time? 😁
I have nothing to say about certain posts... It seems some people don't actually understand what perfectionism entails. It isn't necessarily a positive trait; while it might drive progress, it can just as easily lead to self-destruction.
Ronald Rogers27 said:Exactly. When you set goals based on perfectionism, you're chasing ghosts. You'll never hit them. Plus, all that time you waste obsessing over every tiny detail is time stolen from everything else. You end up stuck as a complete amateur in other areas of your life, or worse, you just never actually finish anything.
You’re probably just trying to prove a point to the people who didn't give you enough love back in the day. It's like you're showing them how much they messed up by overlooking you. You're trying to make them feel guilty, even if you don't realize you're doing it.
Just let it go. Forget about all those injustices and stop trying to get even. Seriously, don't waste your breath trying to punish them. Just move on with your life. Why burn through all that energy? Once you finally stop dwelling on them and start focusing back on yourself, you're going to find you have so much more time, energy, and freedom for the things that actually matter—for you. They’re invisible. They’re out of reach. It's like they aren't even there. Man...
Where does it come from? It comes from hard work, pure grit, and that gut drive to fix your life up so you can actually enjoy it. Look, life is an obligation. Period. But if you spend every single minute obsessively micromanaging it—trying to make everything perfect—you’re just turning your existence into a living hell. I've been there. If you do that, your life loses all meaning. You end up stuck in this loop of mechanical, perfectionist tasks where the chores themselves become the only goal. That's not living. 👎
Ronald Rogers27
I am not trying to prove anything to anyone... It seems I just have a greater need to prove things to myself. I don't know.
slypuma17 said:There is a massive difference between having high standards and ambitions, and essentially hating yourself because you can't reach some phantom perfection—an ideal we’ve basically hallucinated into existence ourselves. Where do we draw the line? When is something actually "good enough," and when will that nagging little inner critic finally shut up and just let us live? 🤷
Try making a list of everything you think you "must" do to finally feel worthy of your own respect. Then, take everything on that list that is fundamentally impossible and cross it out. As for the things that are actually doable, try pursuing them with a different mindset: focus on enjoying the work itself. Try to find satisfaction in the process, rather than treating life like a grueling marathon where the finish line is the only thing that matters.
I have no idea when I'll ever be satisfied with myself, so making a list feels impossible right now. However, in that book I mentioned earlier, I think I found some advice: draw circles on a piece of paper, stack them like a building, and every time I achieve something, write it inside a circle and celebrate it. Not like, throwing a huge party or anything 😁 but just finding a way to be happy about what was accomplished... I think that might help, because I've realized I never actually celebrate my wins; I just wave them off like, "well, I had to do that anyway." Anyway, I've been prescribed some medication to pull me out of this depression just enough to function normally, and I'm starting psychotherapy soon, so... maybe things will improve. :/
Lisa Barnes5 said:"I have to be the best..." "I have to outdo everyone else..."
But you realize you're always better than *someone*, yet at the exact same time, there’s always someone better than you, right? That’s just how life works—it was like that before, and it'll be like that forever...
And here you are, still tilting at windmills.🙂
I get it. I really do... There will always be someone out there who excels more or hits higher milestones than you ever will.
I’ve been reflecting on why I act this way and view the world through this lens. It feels like I'm in a constant state of needing to prove myself. That implies I care far too much about external validation. Looking back, it's clear I didn't receive even half the affection I actually needed growing up. I won't go into the details of what happened or how. We can move past it now, but what they did is done. As for how I feel today... honestly, it feels like there isn't a place for me in this world.😢 The question weighing on my mind is: how do I build self-esteem after all of this? Where do I even start? Because I believe that if I could actually build some self-respect—if I could truly love myself—I wouldn't feel this desperate need to constantly achieve things and pile tasks upon myself.
urbangardener35 said:Yeah, I think I'm finally getting there... 🙂
From what I've gathered, perfectionism isn't the same thing as just having high standards—not when we're talking about this specific, compulsive kind of madness.
In my case, it was tied directly to some sort of grandiose, narcissistic, depressive mess where mistakes were okay for everyone else in the world except me. Basically, I felt like I had to maintain this flawless image of myself and be the absolute best at everything just to feel even remotely okay. If I wasn't going to be the best, I wouldn't even bother trying. I won't even mention how much stuff I’ve missed out on in life because of that.
As I worked through the depression, the perfectionism started melting away alongside it, and now my view of the world—and myself—is actually grounded in reality.
Anyway, if this is eating at you, maybe check to see if there's something deeper going on...
I'm dealing with depression too... but it's all connected anyway. It's impossible to be happy when you never feel good enough for yourself...
slypuma17 said:That is quite literally the absolute pinnacle of perfectionism. 😁
Do you realize that by clinging to that particular brand of idealism, you’re essentially just adding another layer to your already exhaustive list of perfectionist tendencies? And that right there? That’s easily the absolute worst kind. 🙂
I was flipping through this book recently... it makes this rather provocative argument that we ought to give ourselves permission to simply be average. It’s an interesting thought, I suppose, but it leaves me scratching my head. Why on earth would anyone consciously choose to settle for mediocrity? Is there actually some hidden virtue in aiming for the middle of the pack?
Well, wanting that is just as legitimate and perfectly reasonable as having the ambition to be above average. It’s simply easier to reach—and significantly easier to sustain. When you’re sitting at the summit, there is always that looming threat of a fall, the constant possibility of being dethroned. Maintaining that kind of peak performance requires an exhausting amount of upkeep. You have to pour in so much more effort just to stay level, whereas when you’re just an average Joe, you don't really have to do anything at all. There is a certain peace in being mediocre. You live a quiet, carefree life; you aren't constantly pushing against the grain or dealing with the frustration of high stakes. No one views you as a threat, no one is looking at you with envy, and nobody expects anything extraordinary from you. Plus, you actually find common ground with more people because there are so many others living in that same middle ground. It’s quite simple, really... a sort of suburban nirvana. 👋
I don't want to just drift through life... I want to see what I'm capable of achieving. :/
Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of flawlessness, where individuals strive for absolute excellence across all facets of life (Flett and Hewitt, 2002).
According to Slaney, Robert, et al. (1995), perfectionism is comprised of four distinct dimensions: - maintaining extremely high standards - orderliness - tendencies toward procrastination - interpersonal difficulties.
Modern psychological science distinguishes between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and values, whereas maladaptive perfectionism centers on the perception that one can never meet those lofty goals ("nothing is ever good enough").
Positive perfectionism involves thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching high standards to achieve successful outcomes; it is driven by a desire for achievement and results in genuine satisfaction.
Negative perfectionism refers to thoughts and behaviors driven by the need to reach high standards simply to avoid negative consequences; it is fueled by fear of failure rather than a drive for success.
More recent conceptualizations divide perfectionism into two categories—perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns—while classifying individuals into three groups: healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists.
While several theories attempt to explain the development of perfectionism, many have yet to undergo rigorous empirical testing.
This is a general discussion thread regarding perfectionism. It is intended for debating theoretical concepts, raising specific issues, sharing perspectives, or offering advice. Please adhere to the standard forum rules. Given that this thread was originally established in 2008, please check the timestamps before replying to ensure you aren't responding to ancient posts.
I am struggling with perfectionism... In my world, everything has to be flawless. I feel compelled to achieve constantly and be the best at everything I do—if I’m not, the activity stops being fun and just becomes frustrating. I also feel the need to look perfect (since I don't fit certain beauty ideals—I don't have a large bust or a curvy figure, and frankly, I hate my appearance). There is plenty more to list. I set incredibly high standards for myself, and even if I actually meet them, I just raise the bar even higher.
Is anyone else fighting this same battle? Or has anyone actually managed to overcome perfectionism?
I read a book recently that suggested we should allow ourselves to be average... but I have to ask: why would anyone consciously choose to be mediocre?
I actually really needed this thread 🙂 I have absolutely no idea how shipping works, and honestly, I can't even remember the last time I sent anything... but now it's necessary...
So, just to clarify, with Cash on Delivery, does the recipient cover the shipping costs? From what I gather, packages under 11 lbs usually cost the most $6.75 or am I wrong? Also, do they provide boxes at places like FedEx or UPS, or do I need to source my own? (I feel a bit foolish asking, but I genuinely have no clue where to go to pick up a box!)