Let's talk perfectionism: General discussion

Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of flawlessness, where individuals strive for absolute excellence across all facets of life (Flett and Hewitt, 2002).

According to Slaney, Robert, et al. (1995), perfectionism is comprised of four distinct dimensions:
- maintaining extremely high standards
- orderliness
- tendencies toward procrastination
- interpersonal difficulties.

Modern psychological science distinguishes between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and values, whereas maladaptive perfectionism centers on the perception that one can never meet those lofty goals ("nothing is ever good enough").

Positive perfectionism involves thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching high standards to achieve successful outcomes; it is driven by a desire for achievement and results in genuine satisfaction.

Negative perfectionism refers to thoughts and behaviors driven by the need to reach high standards simply to avoid negative consequences; it is fueled by fear of failure rather than a drive for success.

More recent conceptualizations divide perfectionism into two categories—perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns—while classifying individuals into three groups: healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists.

While several theories attempt to explain the development of perfectionism, many have yet to undergo rigorous empirical testing.

This is a general discussion thread regarding perfectionism. It is intended for debating theoretical concepts, raising specific issues, sharing perspectives, or offering advice. Please adhere to the standard forum rules. Given that this thread was originally established in 2008, please check the timestamps before replying to ensure you aren't responding to ancient posts.

__________________________________________________ ______

I am struggling with perfectionism...
In my world, everything has to be flawless. I feel compelled to achieve constantly and be the best at everything I do—if I’m not, the activity stops being fun and just becomes frustrating. I also feel the need to look perfect (since I don't fit certain beauty ideals—I don't have a large bust or a curvy figure, and frankly, I hate my appearance). There is plenty more to list.
I set incredibly high standards for myself, and even if I actually meet them, I just raise the bar even higher.

Is anyone else fighting this same battle? Or has anyone actually managed to overcome perfectionism?

I read a book recently that suggested we should allow ourselves to be average... but I have to ask: why would anyone consciously choose to be mediocre?

Amanda Myers3 said:Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of flawlessness, where individuals strive for absolute excellence across all facets of life (Flett and Hewitt, 2002).

According to Slaney, Robert, et al. (1995), perfectionism is comprised of four distinct dimensions:
- maintaining extremely high standards
- orderliness
- tendencies toward procrastination
- interpersonal difficulties.

Modern psychological science distinguishes between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and values, whereas maladaptive perfectionism centers on the perception that one can never meet those lofty goals ("nothing is ever good enough").

Positive perfectionism involves thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching high standards to achieve successful outcomes; it is driven by a desire for achievement and results in genuine satisfaction.

Negative perfectionism refers to thoughts and behaviors driven by the need to reach high standards simply to avoid negative consequences; it is fueled by fear of failure rather than a drive for success.

More recent conceptualizations divide perfectionism into two categories—perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns—while classifying individuals into three groups: healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists.

While several theories attempt to explain the development of perfectionism, many have yet to undergo rigorous empirical testing.

This is a general discussion thread regarding perfectionism. It is intended for debating theoretical concepts, raising specific issues, sharing perspectives, or offering advice. Please adhere to the standard forum rules. Given that this thread was originally established in 2008, please check the timestamps before replying to ensure you aren't responding to ancient posts.

__________________________________________________ ______

I am struggling with perfectionism...
In my world, everything has to be flawless. I feel compelled to achieve constantly and be the best at everything I do—if I’m not, the activity stops being fun and just becomes frustrating. I also feel the need to look perfect (since I don't fit certain beauty ideals—I don't have a large bust or a curvy figure, and frankly, I hate my appearance). There is plenty more to list.
I set incredibly high standards for myself, and even if I actually meet them, I just raise the bar even higher.

Is anyone else fighting this same battle? Or has anyone actually managed to overcome perfectionism?

I read a book recently that suggested we should allow ourselves to be average... but I have to ask: why would anyone consciously choose to be mediocre?

That is quite literally the absolute pinnacle of perfectionism. 😁

Do you realize that by clinging to that particular brand of idealism, you’re essentially just adding another layer to your already exhaustive list of perfectionist tendencies?
And that right there? That’s easily the absolute worst kind. 🙂

I was flipping through this book recently... it makes this rather provocative argument that we ought to give ourselves permission to simply be average. It’s an interesting thought, I suppose, but it leaves me scratching my head. Why on earth would anyone consciously choose to settle for mediocrity? Is there actually some hidden virtue in aiming for the middle of the pack?

Well, wanting that is just as legitimate and perfectly reasonable as having the ambition to be above average.
It’s simply easier to reach—and significantly easier to sustain. When you’re sitting at the summit, there is always that looming threat of a fall, the constant possibility of being dethroned. Maintaining that kind of peak performance requires an exhausting amount of upkeep. You have to pour in so much more effort just to stay level, whereas when you’re just an average Joe, you don't really have to do anything at all. There is a certain peace in being mediocre. You live a quiet, carefree life; you aren't constantly pushing against the grain or dealing with the frustration of high stakes. No one views you as a threat, no one is looking at you with envy, and nobody expects anything extraordinary from you. Plus, you actually find common ground with more people because there are so many others living in that same middle ground. It’s quite simple, really... a sort of suburban nirvana. 👋

Amanda Myers3 said:Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of flawlessness, where individuals strive for absolute excellence across all facets of life (Flett and Hewitt, 2002).

According to Slaney, Robert, et al. (1995), perfectionism is comprised of four distinct dimensions:
- maintaining extremely high standards
- orderliness
- tendencies toward procrastination
- interpersonal difficulties.

Modern psychological science distinguishes between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and values, whereas maladaptive perfectionism centers on the perception that one can never meet those lofty goals ("nothing is ever good enough").

Positive perfectionism involves thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching high standards to achieve successful outcomes; it is driven by a desire for achievement and results in genuine satisfaction.

Negative perfectionism refers to thoughts and behaviors driven by the need to reach high standards simply to avoid negative consequences; it is fueled by fear of failure rather than a drive for success.

More recent conceptualizations divide perfectionism into two categories—perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns—while classifying individuals into three groups: healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists.

While several theories attempt to explain the development of perfectionism, many have yet to undergo rigorous empirical testing.

This is a general discussion thread regarding perfectionism. It is intended for debating theoretical concepts, raising specific issues, sharing perspectives, or offering advice. Please adhere to the standard forum rules. Given that this thread was originally established in 2008, please check the timestamps before replying to ensure you aren't responding to ancient posts.

__________________________________________________ ______

I am struggling with perfectionism...
In my world, everything has to be flawless. I feel compelled to achieve constantly and be the best at everything I do—if I’m not, the activity stops being fun and just becomes frustrating. I also feel the need to look perfect (since I don't fit certain beauty ideals—I don't have a large bust or a curvy figure, and frankly, I hate my appearance). There is plenty more to list.
I set incredibly high standards for myself, and even if I actually meet them, I just raise the bar even higher.

Is anyone else fighting this same battle? Or has anyone actually managed to overcome perfectionism?

I read a book recently that suggested we should allow ourselves to be average... but I have to ask: why would anyone consciously choose to be mediocre?

Yeah, I think I'm finally getting there... 🙂

From what I've gathered, perfectionism isn't the same thing as just having high standards—not when we're talking about this specific, compulsive kind of madness.

In my case, it was tied directly to some sort of grandiose, narcissistic, depressive mess where mistakes were okay for everyone else in the world except me. Basically, I felt like I had to maintain this flawless image of myself and be the absolute best at everything just to feel even remotely okay. If I wasn't going to be the best, I wouldn't even bother trying. I won't even mention how much stuff I’ve missed out on in life because of that.

As I worked through the depression, the perfectionism started melting away alongside it, and now my view of the world—and myself—is actually grounded in reality.

Anyway, if this is eating at you, maybe check to see if there's something deeper going on...

slypuma17 said:That is quite literally the absolute pinnacle of perfectionism. 😁

Do you realize that by clinging to that particular brand of idealism, you’re essentially just adding another layer to your already exhaustive list of perfectionist tendencies?
And that right there? That’s easily the absolute worst kind. 🙂

I was flipping through this book recently... it makes this rather provocative argument that we ought to give ourselves permission to simply be average. It’s an interesting thought, I suppose, but it leaves me scratching my head. Why on earth would anyone consciously choose to settle for mediocrity? Is there actually some hidden virtue in aiming for the middle of the pack?

Well, wanting that is just as legitimate and perfectly reasonable as having the ambition to be above average.
It’s simply easier to reach—and significantly easier to sustain. When you’re sitting at the summit, there is always that looming threat of a fall, the constant possibility of being dethroned. Maintaining that kind of peak performance requires an exhausting amount of upkeep. You have to pour in so much more effort just to stay level, whereas when you’re just an average Joe, you don't really have to do anything at all. There is a certain peace in being mediocre. You live a quiet, carefree life; you aren't constantly pushing against the grain or dealing with the frustration of high stakes. No one views you as a threat, no one is looking at you with envy, and nobody expects anything extraordinary from you. Plus, you actually find common ground with more people because there are so many others living in that same middle ground. It’s quite simple, really... a sort of suburban nirvana. 👋

I don't want to just drift through life... I want to see what I'm capable of achieving. :/

urbangardener35 said:Yeah, I think I'm finally getting there... 🙂

From what I've gathered, perfectionism isn't the same thing as just having high standards—not when we're talking about this specific, compulsive kind of madness.

In my case, it was tied directly to some sort of grandiose, narcissistic, depressive mess where mistakes were okay for everyone else in the world except me. Basically, I felt like I had to maintain this flawless image of myself and be the absolute best at everything just to feel even remotely okay. If I wasn't going to be the best, I wouldn't even bother trying. I won't even mention how much stuff I’ve missed out on in life because of that.

As I worked through the depression, the perfectionism started melting away alongside it, and now my view of the world—and myself—is actually grounded in reality.

Anyway, if this is eating at you, maybe check to see if there's something deeper going on...

I'm dealing with depression too... but it's all connected anyway. It's impossible to be happy when you never feel good enough for yourself...

Amanda Myers3 said:Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of flawlessness, where individuals strive for absolute excellence across all facets of life (Flett and Hewitt, 2002).

According to Slaney, Robert, et al. (1995), perfectionism is comprised of four distinct dimensions:
- maintaining extremely high standards
- orderliness
- tendencies toward procrastination
- interpersonal difficulties.

Modern psychological science distinguishes between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and values, whereas maladaptive perfectionism centers on the perception that one can never meet those lofty goals ("nothing is ever good enough").

Positive perfectionism involves thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching high standards to achieve successful outcomes; it is driven by a desire for achievement and results in genuine satisfaction.

Negative perfectionism refers to thoughts and behaviors driven by the need to reach high standards simply to avoid negative consequences; it is fueled by fear of failure rather than a drive for success.

More recent conceptualizations divide perfectionism into two categories—perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns—while classifying individuals into three groups: healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists.

While several theories attempt to explain the development of perfectionism, many have yet to undergo rigorous empirical testing.

This is a general discussion thread regarding perfectionism. It is intended for debating theoretical concepts, raising specific issues, sharing perspectives, or offering advice. Please adhere to the standard forum rules. Given that this thread was originally established in 2008, please check the timestamps before replying to ensure you aren't responding to ancient posts.

__________________________________________________ ______

I am struggling with perfectionism...
In my world, everything has to be flawless. I feel compelled to achieve constantly and be the best at everything I do—if I’m not, the activity stops being fun and just becomes frustrating. I also feel the need to look perfect (since I don't fit certain beauty ideals—I don't have a large bust or a curvy figure, and frankly, I hate my appearance). There is plenty more to list.
I set incredibly high standards for myself, and even if I actually meet them, I just raise the bar even higher.

Is anyone else fighting this same battle? Or has anyone actually managed to overcome perfectionism?

I read a book recently that suggested we should allow ourselves to be average... but I have to ask: why would anyone consciously choose to be mediocre?

The only part of this that doesn't quite resonate with me is the idea that one "must be the best," because that feels like a polite way of saying "I have to be better than everyone else."

Everything else sounds like nothing more than having high standards, which is actually a good thing to possess, as nobody truly desires to live an average life.

Amanda Myers3 said:I'm dealing with depression too... but it's all connected anyway. It's impossible to be happy when you never feel good enough for yourself...

There is a massive difference between having high standards and ambitions, and essentially hating yourself because you can't reach some phantom perfection—an ideal we’ve basically hallucinated into existence ourselves.
Where do we draw the line? When is something actually "good enough," and when will that nagging little inner critic finally shut up and just let us live? 🤷

Try making a list of everything you think you "must" do to finally feel worthy of your own respect.
Then, take everything on that list that is fundamentally impossible and cross it out. As for the things that are actually doable, try pursuing them with a different mindset: focus on enjoying the work itself. Try to find satisfaction in the process, rather than treating life like a grueling marathon where the finish line is the only thing that matters.

"I have to be the best..."
"I have to outdo everyone else..."

But you realize you're always better than *someone*, yet at the exact same time, there’s always someone better than you, right?
That’s just how life works—it was like that before, and it'll be like that forever...

And here you are, still tilting at windmills.🙂

Lisa Barnes5 said:"I have to be the best..."
"I have to outdo everyone else..."

But you realize you're always better than *someone*, yet at the exact same time, there’s always someone better than you, right?
That’s just how life works—it was like that before, and it'll be like that forever...

And here you are, still tilting at windmills.🙂

I get it. I really do... There will always be someone out there who excels more or hits higher milestones than you ever will.

I’ve been reflecting on why I act this way and view the world through this lens. It feels like I'm in a constant state of needing to prove myself. That implies I care far too much about external validation. Looking back, it's clear I didn't receive even half the affection I actually needed growing up. I won't go into the details of what happened or how. We can move past it now, but what they did is done. As for how I feel today... honestly, it feels like there isn't a place for me in this world.😢
The question weighing on my mind is: how do I build self-esteem after all of this? Where do I even start?
Because I believe that if I could actually build some self-respect—if I could truly love myself—I wouldn't feel this desperate need to constantly achieve things and pile tasks upon myself.

slypuma17 said:There is a massive difference between having high standards and ambitions, and essentially hating yourself because you can't reach some phantom perfection—an ideal we’ve basically hallucinated into existence ourselves.
Where do we draw the line? When is something actually "good enough," and when will that nagging little inner critic finally shut up and just let us live? 🤷

Try making a list of everything you think you "must" do to finally feel worthy of your own respect.
Then, take everything on that list that is fundamentally impossible and cross it out. As for the things that are actually doable, try pursuing them with a different mindset: focus on enjoying the work itself. Try to find satisfaction in the process, rather than treating life like a grueling marathon where the finish line is the only thing that matters.

I have no idea when I'll ever be satisfied with myself, so making a list feels impossible right now. However, in that book I mentioned earlier, I think I found some advice: draw circles on a piece of paper, stack them like a building, and every time I achieve something, write it inside a circle and celebrate it. Not like, throwing a huge party or anything 😁 but just finding a way to be happy about what was accomplished... I think that might help, because I've realized I never actually celebrate my wins; I just wave them off like, "well, I had to do that anyway."
Anyway, I've been prescribed some medication to pull me out of this depression just enough to function normally, and I'm starting psychotherapy soon, so... maybe things will improve. :/

I mean, why would anyone actually choose to be average?

Because we all are. There’s always someone better out there, and even if you hit the top, you're just fighting yourself. It's an endless loop with no real winner. Honestly, just throw in the towel and embrace being mediocre. Trust me, it’s better that way. 🙂

Amanda Myers3 said:I get it. I really do... There will always be someone out there who excels more or hits higher milestones than you ever will.

I’ve been reflecting on why I act this way and view the world through this lens. It feels like I'm in a constant state of needing to prove myself. That implies I care far too much about external validation. Looking back, it's clear I didn't receive even half the affection I actually needed growing up. I won't go into the details of what happened or how. We can move past it now, but what they did is done. As for how I feel today... honestly, it feels like there isn't a place for me in this world.😢
The question weighing on my mind is: how do I build self-esteem after all of this? Where do I even start?
Because I believe that if I could actually build some self-respect—if I could truly love myself—I wouldn't feel this desperate need to constantly achieve things and pile tasks upon myself.

Social standing—or rather, the approval of those around us—is something the brain interprets as a direct boost to our survival odds (meaning our own survival and that of our offspring). Consequently, we are dealing with incredibly intense emotions here; they aren't something you can just brush aside.
When our social reputation is low or damaged, we tend to feel fundamentally threatened.
That’s essentially where this desperate need to be the absolute best at everything comes from.

In my estimation, if one wants to lead a sufficiently decent and stable life, it requires a balance of social standing, family, career, and so on...
You really can't rely on just one of those pillars alone.

p.s. What do you call a perfectionist in America? A masochist.

Amanda Myers3 said:I get it. I really do... There will always be someone out there who excels more or hits higher milestones than you ever will.

I’ve been reflecting on why I act this way and view the world through this lens. It feels like I'm in a constant state of needing to prove myself. That implies I care far too much about external validation. Looking back, it's clear I didn't receive even half the affection I actually needed growing up. I won't go into the details of what happened or how. We can move past it now, but what they did is done. As for how I feel today... honestly, it feels like there isn't a place for me in this world.😢
The question weighing on my mind is: how do I build self-esteem after all of this? Where do I even start?
Because I believe that if I could actually build some self-respect—if I could truly love myself—I wouldn't feel this desperate need to constantly achieve things and pile tasks upon myself.

look, people don't give a damn about you,,, folks are selfish,,, they're only looking out for themselves....
you're stressing over nothing.... maybe it's just in your head that everyone's watching you, judging, wondering what you'll pull off next or how far you'll go...
but it's not like that,, people don't care what you do with your life, or where you end up... they just care about lining their own pockets and feeding themselves....

just worry about yourself being okay,,, because whatever others think of you... trust me,,, they aren't gonna waste five minutes thinking about you,
if that's how things worked, this world would be paradise...

Amanda Myers3 said:I get it. I really do... There will always be someone out there who excels more or hits higher milestones than you ever will.

I’ve been reflecting on why I act this way and view the world through this lens. It feels like I'm in a constant state of needing to prove myself. That implies I care far too much about external validation. Looking back, it's clear I didn't receive even half the affection I actually needed growing up. I won't go into the details of what happened or how. We can move past it now, but what they did is done. As for how I feel today... honestly, it feels like there isn't a place for me in this world.😢
The question weighing on my mind is: how do I build self-esteem after all of this? Where do I even start?
Because I believe that if I could actually build some self-respect—if I could truly love myself—I wouldn't feel this desperate need to constantly achieve things and pile tasks upon myself.

Exactly. When you set goals based on perfectionism, you're chasing ghosts. You'll never hit them. Plus, all that time you waste obsessing over every tiny detail is time stolen from everything else. You end up stuck as a complete amateur in other areas of your life, or worse, you just never actually finish anything.

Amanda Myers3 said:I get it. I really do... There will always be someone out there who excels more or hits higher milestones than you ever will.

I’ve been reflecting on why I act this way and view the world through this lens. It feels like I'm in a constant state of needing to prove myself. That implies I care far too much about external validation. Looking back, it's clear I didn't receive even half the affection I actually needed growing up. I won't go into the details of what happened or how. We can move past it now, but what they did is done. As for how I feel today... honestly, it feels like there isn't a place for me in this world.😢
The question weighing on my mind is: how do I build self-esteem after all of this? Where do I even start?
Because I believe that if I could actually build some self-respect—if I could truly love myself—I wouldn't feel this desperate need to constantly achieve things and pile tasks upon myself.

You’re probably just trying to prove a point to the people who didn't give you enough love back in the day. It's like you're showing them how much they messed up by overlooking you. You're trying to make them feel guilty, even if you don't realize you're doing it.

Just let it go. Forget about all those injustices and stop trying to get even. Seriously, don't waste your breath trying to punish them. Just move on with your life. Why burn through all that energy? Once you finally stop dwelling on them and start focusing back on yourself, you're going to find you have so much more time, energy, and freedom for the things that actually matter—for you. They’re invisible. They’re out of reach. It's like they aren't even there. Man...

Amanda Myers3 said:I get it. I really do... There will always be someone out there who excels more or hits higher milestones than you ever will.

I’ve been reflecting on why I act this way and view the world through this lens. It feels like I'm in a constant state of needing to prove myself. That implies I care far too much about external validation. Looking back, it's clear I didn't receive even half the affection I actually needed growing up. I won't go into the details of what happened or how. We can move past it now, but what they did is done. As for how I feel today... honestly, it feels like there isn't a place for me in this world.😢
The question weighing on my mind is: how do I build self-esteem after all of this? Where do I even start?
Because I believe that if I could actually build some self-respect—if I could truly love myself—I wouldn't feel this desperate need to constantly achieve things and pile tasks upon myself.

Where does it come from? It comes from hard work, pure grit, and that gut drive to fix your life up so you can actually enjoy it. Look, life is an obligation. Period. But if you spend every single minute obsessively micromanaging it—trying to make everything perfect—you’re just turning your existence into a living hell. I've been there. If you do that, your life loses all meaning. You end up stuck in this loop of mechanical, perfectionist tasks where the chores themselves become the only goal. That's not living. 👎

Ronald Rogers27

Amanda Myers3 said:Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of flawlessness, where individuals strive for absolute excellence across all facets of life (Flett and Hewitt, 2002).

According to Slaney, Robert, et al. (1995), perfectionism is comprised of four distinct dimensions:
- maintaining extremely high standards
- orderliness
- tendencies toward procrastination
- interpersonal difficulties.

Modern psychological science distinguishes between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and values, whereas maladaptive perfectionism centers on the perception that one can never meet those lofty goals ("nothing is ever good enough").

Positive perfectionism involves thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching high standards to achieve successful outcomes; it is driven by a desire for achievement and results in genuine satisfaction.

Negative perfectionism refers to thoughts and behaviors driven by the need to reach high standards simply to avoid negative consequences; it is fueled by fear of failure rather than a drive for success.

More recent conceptualizations divide perfectionism into two categories—perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns—while classifying individuals into three groups: healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists.

While several theories attempt to explain the development of perfectionism, many have yet to undergo rigorous empirical testing.

This is a general discussion thread regarding perfectionism. It is intended for debating theoretical concepts, raising specific issues, sharing perspectives, or offering advice. Please adhere to the standard forum rules. Given that this thread was originally established in 2008, please check the timestamps before replying to ensure you aren't responding to ancient posts.

__________________________________________________ ______

I am struggling with perfectionism...
In my world, everything has to be flawless. I feel compelled to achieve constantly and be the best at everything I do—if I’m not, the activity stops being fun and just becomes frustrating. I also feel the need to look perfect (since I don't fit certain beauty ideals—I don't have a large bust or a curvy figure, and frankly, I hate my appearance). There is plenty more to list.
I set incredibly high standards for myself, and even if I actually meet them, I just raise the bar even higher.

Is anyone else fighting this same battle? Or has anyone actually managed to overcome perfectionism?

I read a book recently that suggested we should allow ourselves to be average... but I have to ask: why would anyone consciously choose to be mediocre?

Man, I used to obsess over that whole perfectionism thing too, until it finally clicked that "perfection" isn't even a real thing, and once I realized that, it was like a weight just lifted off my shoulders.

The truth is, you become whatever you dwell on. If you spend all your time obsessing over being perfect, then yeah, you're a perfectionist. If you focus on just being average, then that's what you are. Honestly, if you stop stressing about labeling yourself like some kind of psychological specimen, you'll free up so much mental space from all that nonsense.

At the end of the day, the only thing that actually matters is where you decide to point your focus.

Amanda Myers3 said:Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of flawlessness, where individuals strive for absolute excellence across all facets of life (Flett and Hewitt, 2002).

According to Slaney, Robert, et al. (1995), perfectionism is comprised of four distinct dimensions:
- maintaining extremely high standards
- orderliness
- tendencies toward procrastination
- interpersonal difficulties.

Modern psychological science distinguishes between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and values, whereas maladaptive perfectionism centers on the perception that one can never meet those lofty goals ("nothing is ever good enough").

Positive perfectionism involves thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching high standards to achieve successful outcomes; it is driven by a desire for achievement and results in genuine satisfaction.

Negative perfectionism refers to thoughts and behaviors driven by the need to reach high standards simply to avoid negative consequences; it is fueled by fear of failure rather than a drive for success.

More recent conceptualizations divide perfectionism into two categories—perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns—while classifying individuals into three groups: healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists.

While several theories attempt to explain the development of perfectionism, many have yet to undergo rigorous empirical testing.

This is a general discussion thread regarding perfectionism. It is intended for debating theoretical concepts, raising specific issues, sharing perspectives, or offering advice. Please adhere to the standard forum rules. Given that this thread was originally established in 2008, please check the timestamps before replying to ensure you aren't responding to ancient posts.

__________________________________________________ ______

I am struggling with perfectionism...
In my world, everything has to be flawless. I feel compelled to achieve constantly and be the best at everything I do—if I’m not, the activity stops being fun and just becomes frustrating. I also feel the need to look perfect (since I don't fit certain beauty ideals—I don't have a large bust or a curvy figure, and frankly, I hate my appearance). There is plenty more to list.
I set incredibly high standards for myself, and even if I actually meet them, I just raise the bar even higher.

Is anyone else fighting this same battle? Or has anyone actually managed to overcome perfectionism?

I read a book recently that suggested we should allow ourselves to be average... but I have to ask: why would anyone consciously choose to be mediocre?

you don't really have a problem here... you're just bored...🙂

Amanda Myers3 said:Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of flawlessness, where individuals strive for absolute excellence across all facets of life (Flett and Hewitt, 2002).

According to Slaney, Robert, et al. (1995), perfectionism is comprised of four distinct dimensions:
- maintaining extremely high standards
- orderliness
- tendencies toward procrastination
- interpersonal difficulties.

Modern psychological science distinguishes between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and values, whereas maladaptive perfectionism centers on the perception that one can never meet those lofty goals ("nothing is ever good enough").

Positive perfectionism involves thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching high standards to achieve successful outcomes; it is driven by a desire for achievement and results in genuine satisfaction.

Negative perfectionism refers to thoughts and behaviors driven by the need to reach high standards simply to avoid negative consequences; it is fueled by fear of failure rather than a drive for success.

More recent conceptualizations divide perfectionism into two categories—perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns—while classifying individuals into three groups: healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists.

While several theories attempt to explain the development of perfectionism, many have yet to undergo rigorous empirical testing.

This is a general discussion thread regarding perfectionism. It is intended for debating theoretical concepts, raising specific issues, sharing perspectives, or offering advice. Please adhere to the standard forum rules. Given that this thread was originally established in 2008, please check the timestamps before replying to ensure you aren't responding to ancient posts.

__________________________________________________ ______

I am struggling with perfectionism...
In my world, everything has to be flawless. I feel compelled to achieve constantly and be the best at everything I do—if I’m not, the activity stops being fun and just becomes frustrating. I also feel the need to look perfect (since I don't fit certain beauty ideals—I don't have a large bust or a curvy figure, and frankly, I hate my appearance). There is plenty more to list.
I set incredibly high standards for myself, and even if I actually meet them, I just raise the bar even higher.

Is anyone else fighting this same battle? Or has anyone actually managed to overcome perfectionism?

I read a book recently that suggested we should allow ourselves to be average... but I have to ask: why would anyone consciously choose to be mediocre?

I’m a perfectionist too, and personally, I don't mind it all that much, though it definitely bothers the people around me. But honestly, what can you do? Everyone wants to be the best and reach their full potential in life, so I don't see anything wrong with that.

I find the whole thing quite amusing, actually...
being a bit of a perfectionist...it seems to really get under some people's skin, doesn't it?

I do have a question for the group...
does anyone else feel that perfectionism might be linked to OCD...?

Ronald Rogers27 said:Exactly. When you set goals based on perfectionism, you're chasing ghosts. You'll never hit them. Plus, all that time you waste obsessing over every tiny detail is time stolen from everything else. You end up stuck as a complete amateur in other areas of your life, or worse, you just never actually finish anything.

You’re probably just trying to prove a point to the people who didn't give you enough love back in the day. It's like you're showing them how much they messed up by overlooking you. You're trying to make them feel guilty, even if you don't realize you're doing it.

Just let it go. Forget about all those injustices and stop trying to get even. Seriously, don't waste your breath trying to punish them. Just move on with your life. Why burn through all that energy? Once you finally stop dwelling on them and start focusing back on yourself, you're going to find you have so much more time, energy, and freedom for the things that actually matter—for you. They’re invisible. They’re out of reach. It's like they aren't even there. Man...

Where does it come from? It comes from hard work, pure grit, and that gut drive to fix your life up so you can actually enjoy it. Look, life is an obligation. Period. But if you spend every single minute obsessively micromanaging it—trying to make everything perfect—you’re just turning your existence into a living hell. I've been there. If you do that, your life loses all meaning. You end up stuck in this loop of mechanical, perfectionist tasks where the chores themselves become the only goal. That's not living. 👎

Ronald Rogers27

I am not trying to prove anything to anyone...
It seems I just have a greater need to prove things to myself.
I don't know.

Rebecca Scott3 said:you don't really have a problem here... you're just bored...🙂

Just fuck off.👎