Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

Thanks for the link.

Yeah, she had surgery about three weeks ago. They removed her entire uterus and basically everything else they could, but the issue is it spread to the ureters, and apparently, they aren't allowed to touch those. All we know is that the most dangerous areas are drying up (I think?), which should be a good sign. But today at the clinic in Mayo Clinic, the doctor told us things are pretty serious. Honestly, the explanation was so brief it felt sketchy, especially since they supposedly went through a massive pile of previous treatment records just this one day. We even have a contact over at Mayo, but those two sentences I mentioned just feel... I don't know. I’d really like to get a second opinion. Can anyone recommend someone?

casualraven24 said:Thanks for the link.

Yeah, she had surgery about three weeks ago—they ended up removing her entire uterus and pretty much everything else they could manage. The complication is that it spread to the ureters, and apparently, they aren't allowed to touch those. All we know for sure is that the most critical areas are drying out (I assume), which should technically be a good thing. However, during our visit to the clinic at Mayo Clinic today, the doctor told us the situation is quite serious. Honestly, the brevity of that explanation left me feeling unsettled, especially considering they had access to a massive pile of previous treatment records from just yesterday. On top of that, we have some connections over at Mayo, but those two sentences she gave us felt... I don't know, a bit thin. I’d really like to get a second opinion. Does anyone have a specialist they can recommend?

Give me until tomorrow to run this by the doctors who have been helping us. I'll get back to you by tomorrow at the latest.

Megan Chase63 said:I’m facing a similar situation myself. My mother was diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer with metastases spread throughout her entire body. The doctors basically told us there was no point in surgery or even attempting treatment, so we decided to buy a herbal blend from a phytotherapist based in Indianapolis. He uses 180 different types of herbs and insists his tea will cure her, actually advising us to steer clear of conventional medical treatments altogether. After purchasing the tea, however, the doctors decided to proceed with surgery anyway, and tomorrow—just 20 days after the operation—she starts her first round of chemo. Since the surgery, we've been giving her these herbal teas, and now we're stuck in a bit of a dilemma: should we continue using them alongside the chemotherapy, or are we risking making things worse due to potential contraindications? We asked the herbalist about it, and he claimed there’s absolutely no issue and she can drink the tea continuously while undergoing chemo; he suggested that if we asked the doctors, they’d just call us crazy because they don't recognize anything outside of standard medicine. We’re truly at a loss on how to proceed. Has anyone here ever tried the herbal treatments provided by the phytotherapist John Branko from Indianapolis?

If herbs could work their magic and cure someone without the help of modern medicine🙄 then people would be collecting Nobel Prizes left and right....
My own mother passed away from that specific type of cancer, so believe me when I say I understand the desperation to try absolutely everything to save her. I truly hope you find strength and success in your mother's treatment.

Megan Chase63 said:That’s exactly what I’m thinking, but honestly, if you heard how confidently he defends his herbal concoctions, you’d be just as confused as I am. I don't know whether to stop the tea while she’s undergoing chemo—I’m terrified things might get complicated. I mean, can herbal tea actually be dangerous? Could it cause some kind of adverse reaction when mixed with chemotherapy drugs????
Is it seriously possible that nobody on this forum has ever heard of the phytotherapist John Branko, P.E., from Indianapolis??? He makes preparations for treating all sorts of ailments too...

I think I received your email, so I replied there, but I'll post my response here as well so everyone else can see:

Herbs might sound completely healthy and harmless, but they are essentially packed with naturally occurring chemicals that can wreak havoc if they clash with the compounds found in chemotherapy. That is why doctors strictly advise against consuming these kinds of mixtures—which often have unknown ingredients and are produced without any rigorous oversight—during chemotherapy treatment.

Personally, I suggest giving your mom certain immunostimulants that you can pick up at a pharmacy, which have undergone standardized testing. This includes things like Noni, Aloe, Beta Glucan, native propolis, Royal Jelly, and so on.

There is one golden rule regarding cancer treatment that you absolutely have to understand and accept:

Avoid therapists who:
-refuse to cooperate with the oncologist and suggest abandoning conventional medical treatment
-recommend treatments whose effectiveness hasn't been proven, yet there is plenty of evidence regarding their harmfulness.
-propose treatments where the price tag vastly outweighs the proven results
-guarantee that their approach will work, especially when you are desperately trying to get well

I am not saying we should exclude any form of treatment, but I simply place more trust in scientific evidence and proven medications. When dealing with cancer, even one tiny mistake can be fatal. Chemotherapy is prescribed and administered by highly trained scientists who monitor your blood and your entire system at every single moment to ensure things don't spiral out of control. Unfortunately, most alternative preparations are handed out without any real supervision or control.

slyseal28, thanks, if you could help me out by asking around, I'd appreciate it. I have all my lab results right here in my files, so I can bring them in if I need a second opinion.

I was reading up on alternative stuff—OCC, MMS, colloidal silver, DMSO, and MSM. Apparently, they aren't even that expensive and can be a huge help, especially when things get serious. Does anyone here actually have experience with this? Where do I even find it, how do you use it, and what kind of results should I expect? If you know a reliable company to buy from, please just shoot me a DM.
I also came across some mushroom supplements like those IMMUNOMAX capsules (Japanese mushroom extract) and GRAVIOLA capsules (Brazilian paw paw, which is supposed to be brutal against cancer cells). There’s just so much out there that it’s overwhelming. Does anyone know if certain methods or supplements clash with each other?

casualraven24 said:slyseal28, thank you—if you could possibly help by asking around, I’d really appreciate it. I have all my lab results right here in my files, so I can bring them along whenever needed. I'm just looking to get a second opinion.

I'll let you know tomorrow once I have a time confirmed for that second opinion.

casualraven24 said:Does anyone have Mr. Domančić's number or any contact info for anything that might actually help? I'm totally lost and don't even know where to start.

Are there any specific details regarding how this sarcoma is treated?

Hang in there, everyone. Wishing you all a speedy recovery.

Here’s the number for Domančić:

1-800-555-0199
1-800-555-0122
555-010-509

Just a heads up though—his schedule is absolutely slammed, so don't expect to get in anytime soon. On top of that, once he sets an appointment, if you call him close to the date to iron out the logistics of your visit, he acts all high and mighty, acting like he has no clue who even gave you his info...

Honestly, I wouldn't bank too much on him...🙂

Megan Chase63 said:I find myself facing a strikingly similar dilemma... my mother was diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer with metastases spread throughout her entire body, and the doctors essentially told us there was no point in surgery or even attempting treatment. In our desperation, we purchased a blend of herbs from a phytotherapist in Indianapolis—some mixture of 180 different plants—who insists his tea will cure her, provided we abandon conventional medical protocols entirely. However, after purchasing the tea, the doctors decided to proceed with surgery anyway, and tomorrow—just twenty days post-op—she begins her first round of chemotherapy. We have been giving her these herbal teas since the surgery, and now we are paralyzed by indecision, wondering if we should continue this alongside the chemo or if we might inadvertently cause harm through potential contraindications. When we consulted the herbalist, he dismissed our concerns, claiming she could drink the tea indefinitely during chemo, and suggested that if we asked the doctors, they would simply call us crazy because they refuse to acknowledge anything outside of mainstream medicine. We are at a complete loss as to how to proceed... has anyone here ever attempted treatment using the herbal formulas from John Branko, P.E., out of Indianapolis?

As you previously noted, your mother has just undergone surgery and is about to begin chemotherapy. Since the medical team reacted swiftly and will initiate therapy in short order, one really shouldn't be contemplating alternatives or herbal teas at this specific juncture... Most oncologists will tell you that mixing alternative therapies with standard medicine can lead to adverse effects, a sentiment that Angela Wright expressed quite similarly before I did...

My own mother underwent surgery two years ago for Stage IIIC (also ovarian cancer with metastases throughout the abdomen, reaching toward the lungs and liver), and initially, we could only hope she might spend another six months with us. She lived much longer than expected, doing everything she ever wanted, thought, or finally chose to do, all while strictly consulting with her oncologist... They wouldn't allow her to take Aloe Vera, and certain vitamin supplements were rejected altogether... however, she did go through Native Propolis and Beta Glucan...

Unfortunately, there is no single, universal recipe for successfully fighting cancer. While alternative methods have helped some, those remain isolated individual cases...

Stay strong and keep your courage up...

Megan Chase63 said:I’m dealing with something pretty similar here. My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer with metastases everywhere. The doctors basically told us there was no point in even trying surgery or treatment, so we ended up buying this massive herbal blend from a phytotherapist out in Indianapolis. He uses 180 different kinds of herbs and swears his tea will cure her, but he also told us to steer clear of conventional medical treatment altogether. Anyway, after we bought the tea, the doctors actually decided to go ahead with surgery, and tomorrow—which is 20 days post-op—she starts her first round of chemo. Since the surgery, we’ve been giving her these teas, and now we’re stuck. We don't know if we should keep going with them alongside the chemo or if we’re gonna mess things up because of potential contraindications. We asked the herbalist about it, and he just said it’s fine and she can drink it whenever she wants during chemo, but then he claimed if we asked the doctors, they’d think we were crazy because they won't acknowledge anything outside of mainstream medicine. Now we’re lost on what to do. Has anyone here actually tried the herbal treatments from John Branko, the phytotherapist in Indianapolis?

My husband went through lung cancer about four and a half years ago. It was bad. Like, really bad. He was on chemo and radiation. While he was doing all that, he used Aloe, Noni, Chlorella, and various immune boosters. But zero herbal teas from any random herbalists. Believe me, out of nowhere—and I have no clue how they even found me—these "healers" and herbalists started calling me constantly. I shut them all down. Every single one. Because whenever I asked what exactly was in their little potions or teas that they supposedly guaranteed would "cure" you—and they charged an absolute fortune for them—they’d just say it was their "SECRET recipe"!!
Look, I’m a skeptic by nature. I don’t give my husband anything unless I’m 100% sure about it, meaning I need to know every single ingredient. Doing stuff blindly can be incredibly dangerous. Who knows what kind of chemical reaction you could trigger in the body when you mix mystery stuff with the actual meds your mom is taking for chemo? It's risky.
We stuck strictly to conventional medicine and immunotherapy (you know, Noni, Aloe, Chlorella... lots of fruits and veggies...) but absolutely nothing from those herbalists!

casualraven24 said:I saw some stuff on an alternative health site about OCC, MMS, colloidal silver, DMSO, and MSM. Apparently, they aren't even that expensive and could be helpful, especially in severe cases. Now, I'm not sure if anyone here actually has experience with them—where to buy them, how to use them, what kind of results you get, etc. If you know a specific company where this stuff can be sourced, feel free to send me a DM.
I also came across some mushrooms that help, specifically those IMMUNOMAX capsules (Japanese mushroom extract) and GRAVIOLA capsules (Brazilian paw paw, which is supposedly great at killing cancer cells). I'm stuck on what to choose; there's just so much out there, and I have no idea if certain methods or supplements clash with one another.

Listen, casualraven24, run for the hills from anything being peddled without oversight that claims to cure everything from a common eye twitch to AIDS and cancer. That kind of thing simply doesn't exist. It’s a fantasy. It doesn't exist because human biology is incredibly complex, and the diseases attacking us are equally intricate. First off, if these "miracle cures" actually worked, wouldn't cancer rates be plummeting instead of climbing? When I say "control," I’m talking about actual medical professionals, not some self-proclaimed gurus or snake oil salesmen. Go read the threads on MMS very carefully and look at what people with actual education are saying about it. Personally, my hair stood on end reading the nonsense those "geniuses" claim versus what sensible, educated people are reporting.

As for those substances that supposedly kill cancer: they sprayed cancer cells with garlic, and they died... unfortunately, the analogy for treating cancer doesn't work like that. The problem is far more complicated due to the sheer nature of the disease and the terrifying speed at which malignant cells can divide within the body.
There is no such thing as a universal cure for cancer. What does exist are substances that bolster the immune system, which is the most critical player in the fight against cancer. In that regard, you need to look toward alternative approaches.

My dear friends,
it feels like this is the only place where I can truly let it all out, because every single one of you actually understands what I'm going through...😢

I’m having a really rough day today. My mom went in for her second round of chemo. She is being so incredibly brave and isn't complaining one bit; she's holding up so well. But I suppose we're all doing the same thing... just trying to weather these crises as they come, much like I am right now.

I feel so heavyhearted. I'm sitting here at work, but honestly, all I want to do is be tucked away at home in bed with a mountain of tissues, the TV on, and nothing but my favorite comfort shows...

I just don't have the strength to keep going. There isn't even a tiny spark of energy left inside me.

I just spoke with my mom, and she’s already back in her room. They'll probably start the therapy soon—likely more pills today, followed by the actual chemo tomorrow.

I'm really hoping they'll let her come home tomorrow after everything is finished.
😢 I keep looking at all these little emojis on my screen, but none of them can truly capture how I feel right now. It's this deep, endless ache, this sorrow that just won't quit... I feel like I'm in a complete fog...🙂🙂🙂

I just want today and tomorrow to fly by as quickly as possible. I want Mom to handle the chemo well, and I pray she doesn't have to deal with those same agonizing pains she had last time... she could barely stand it then...

The tears just keep coming...
God, please protect us all through these trials... I'll leave a little bit of my music playing in the background—maybe Tony D's rhythm will lift my spirits just a little bit...

Today's post is a total downer, I know. Please forgive me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~for the rest of you—since nothing seems to help me today...

Kisses,

I'll check back in once I've pulled myself together...🙂

Linda Cox69 said:Hey everyone,
it feels like this is the only place where I can actually let it all out, because you guys truly get what I’m going through...😢

I’m having a rough one today. Mom headed out for her second round of chemo. She’s being incredibly brave—no complaining, just taking it like a champ. She’s holding up well, though I guess we’re all just trying to weather the storm right now. It’s hitting me hard today.

I feel so heavy. I'm sitting here at work, but honestly, all I want to do is crawl into bed at home with a mountain of tissues, the TV on, and just lean on my Xanax...

I have zero drive left. Not even a shred of energy left in my soul.
I just got off the phone with Mom; she’s already in her room. They’ll start the therapy soon. It’ll probably be more pills today and then the actual chemo tomorrow.

I’m really hoping they let her come home tomorrow.

I'm looking at all these emojis on my screen, but none of them can touch how I feel right now. There isn't a symbol for this kind of bottomless grief and pain... I feel like I'm in a complete coma.😢🙂🙂🙂

I just want today and tomorrow to be over already. I just want Mom to handle the chemo okay. I pray she doesn't deal with the same agony she did last time—she could barely stand it then...

The tears won't stop...
God help us all through this nightmare... Here’s a little bit of poetry to keep my head up, maybe it'll lift my spirits a bit...

Today’s post is a total downer. Sorry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~for the rest of you—since nothing is helping me today...

Love,

I'll check back in once I pull myself together..🙂

Linda, take this virtual 🙂
Honey, try to lean into your work and everything else in your life that still gives you focus outside of Mom's illness. You feel drained because you're exhausting yourself by constantly spiraling about "what ifs" and worrying about things that haven't happened yet... and that path leads nowhere.
Try to stay rational. Mom has what she has, and you are doing everything within your power and knowledge. If it's beyond your control, you can't force it. Things will happen as they happen, and you'll handle them when they arrive.
Unfortunately, life isn't just laughter and happy moments; it's also woven with days like this one. This is natural. And honestly? Let the tears flow and take your Xanax if you need to. Right now, there is no reason *not* to cry. Mom is here, she is fighting, and that is what matters most. The fight is everything, and weakness is just fuel for cancer. Don't let that monster feed on your spirit! Instead, think about the little ways you can cheer Mom up when she gets back from the hospital. With Easter coming up soon, maybe a small holiday gesture would brighten her mood. You know best what makes her smile, so cherish this quality time with her. We are all transient, whether healthy or sick—it’s just that those who are ill are much more aware of it.
And never forget:
Even when life feels its darkest and most hopeless, know that this too shall pass, and that you carry a strength inside you that you don't even realize exists.
Hang in there, dear. We are all standing right there with you.🙂

Linda Cox69 said:Hey ladies,
it feels like this is the only place where I can actually vent, since you all pretty much know exactly what’s going on with me...😢

today just sucks. Mom went in for her second round of chemo. She’s being incredibly brave, no complaining at all. She's hanging in there. Honestly, probably just like the rest of us... these crises just hit you out of nowhere. Just like they hit me today.

I'm feeling so low. I'm stuck at work right now, but man, I’d give anything to be home in bed with a massive pile of tissues, the TV on, and nothing to do but zone out on some Normabelles...

I have zero drive. Not even a tiny spark of energy left in me.
Just talked to Mom. She's already in her room. They'll start the therapy soon. Probably more pills today, then chemo tomorrow.

I'm really hoping she gets to come home tomorrow.

Looking at all these little emojis on my screen... none of them actually capture how I feel. This level of pain, this endless sadness... I'm basically in a coma.😢🙂🙂🙂

I just want today and tomorrow to be over with. I want Mom to handle the chemo okay. I really hope she doesn't deal with that same brutal pain from last time—she could barely take it...

Just crying and crying...
God, please help us all get through this nightmare... Here's a little song for everyone—maybe some Tony D will lift my spirits a bit...

Today's post is a total depressant. Sorry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~for the rest of you—since nothing is helping me today...

kisses

I'll check back in once I pull myself together..🙂

I know exactly how you feel. I've been through it all before, and honestly, I'm still going through it. When it hits you hard, go somewhere by yourself and just let it out... cry. That helps me.
Try talking to someone close to you. They might not totally "get" what you're going through, but the main thing is not to bottle it up. You need someone to listen, you need to speak.
Focus on your Mom. She's the one facing the hardest part, but she's tough. She's going to make it. Be her rock, give her all the love and tenderness in the world. She needs you.

Well, I suppose it’s my turn to chime in. I don't have an official diagnosis just yet, but there's a strong suspicion of Hodgkin. About a week ago—which feels like a lifetime ago now—I went to get a color Doppler ultrasound of the blood vessels in my neck, almost on a whim because they seemed a bit swollen. During the scan, they noticed a slightly enlarged lymph node in my armpit and nudged me toward getting a biopsy. A few days later, they called to say it could potentially be Hodgkin or ALCL. Just like that.

The only symptoms I actually experienced were pain in the lymph nodes in my neck and my left armpit (where the enlarged node is now) specifically after drinking alcohol (here is the link to the thread). However, the doctors' reactions were either "I've never heard of such a symptom" or just outright laughter. I had some tests done, but nothing concrete turned up at the time. My blood work was a bit off, but nothing catastrophic, and after a while, things settled down and I gave up trying to fight the windmills. Now, that very same doctor—the one who laughed when I mentioned that symptom—calls me on the phone without even a "hello" to tell me I have lymphoma.

Over the last two days, I’ve only gone through a handful of tests at the Mayo Clinic, but it was enough to leave me deeply disillusioned with our healthcare system and, more importantly, the inhumane way doctors treat patients. From using phrases like "if the biopsy doesn't work, we'll just have to go in surgically and dig it out," to the fact that no one sat down with me for even a single minute to explain what comes next. During the node biopsy, I nearly had a nervous breakdown despite having taken Apaurin. The doctor performing the biopsy actually asked why I was crying and acting like someone had hurt me, and then she just continued chatting with her colleague about my "damn..." node that, apparently, is being difficult to biopsy. An hour of them just grumbling, and they aren't even sure if they'll get anything useful from the sample. They were openly talking about other patients, commenting on how some are impossible to puncture because everyone is so "deformed." And so what? I'm sitting here, and my preliminary tests clearly indicate Hodgkin, so what else do the hematology folks want with a biopsy? It’s as if I’m not even there, or as if they think I can't understand what they're saying or that I'm somehow ignorant. Like I'm just a piece of meat. It wasn't the pain that broke me, really; it was their behavior and their attitude. If the diagnosis is confirmed, I have a bone biopsy coming up, which, according to them, is much worse than the one I barely endured yesterday. I just hope I can have the option of being put under general anesthesia, because otherwise, I'm not doing it—to hell with it all.

I actually work with quite a few medical professionals, and I simply cannot believe this is how patients are treated, especially those facing a malignancy or even the possibility of one. When I mentioned this to my colleagues, they were speechless. I'm not even 30 yet; I just got married, things are finally looking up professionally, my husband and I are starting to plan a family... and then someone just calls me on the phone to say I have lymphoma. Then, I'm shuffled around the hospital like a slab of meat, poked and prodded with no information, and then they wonder why I'm crying or upset. Honestly, it isn't the diagnosis or the illness that scares me—it's our doctors.

wanderingharbor61 said:Just saw this on CNN, figured maybe it’d help someone out there:

http://www.cnn.com/news/article/example_link

Stay strong, everyone...

Anyone actually tried this stuff? My neighbor was rambling about it because she used it three years ago when she was dealing with ovarian cancer, though she was also throwing everything at the wall—Noni, beet juice, Taheebo tea, who knows what else... I don't dare give it to my dad since it's got alcohol in it. He's stuck in the hospital right now waiting for chemo, which keeps getting pushed back because he's fighting a UTI and they've got him on antibiotics. Antibiotics plus alcohol...👎

😘Dear drag Ivanicapeca and Ružica 44.What can I even say besides THANK YOU.🙂
I completely agree with everything you both shared, and I truly feel the weight of your words. I know I’m just having one of those heavy days, but reading your posts honestly made me feel a little lighter immediately...

I mean this sincerely and from the bottom of my heart—this kind of support means so much, even if it is just through a screen. Thank you once again.😍

As my username suggests, I generally try my best to stay positive and just really embrace life.
Reacting this way isn't exactly my nature, but I suppose I just hit a breaking point...

Regarding the suggestion to cheer Mom up, that's actually something we've been doing for a while now. We go out for manicures, hit the shops, and just spend time doing all the things she loves most.
I know the first few days following her chemo treatment are going to be incredibly tough, but I have total faith that she’ll pull through this whole ordeal with a smile on her face...😍

I’ve never explicitly told her, not even right now, just how brave she is and how much I respect her. We aren't exactly one of those families that constantly showers each other with "I love yous" every five minutes—though I always find that beautiful to witness—but I know she knows. And honestly, that's enough for us. I'm not really the type of person who finds it easy to show emotion openly; it's always felt more natural for me to write it down (which I think you might have already noticed😁).
I would give anything to be able to ease this entire burden for her, but I realize I can't simply take the fight onto myself so she doesn't have to carry the load alone...

But I won't turn this into a novel, so thank you all so much. It's true, life still has its beautiful moments. I just need to pause, reflect, and I know I'll find them again, surely...
There's a lump in my throat, but I'm swallowing it down, fighting through, and moving forward👍

Pusa, my dears😍

Melissa Parker37 said:Has anyone actually tried this? A neighbor was telling me about it because she used it three years ago when she was battling ovarian cancer, though she was also taking Noni, beet juice, Taheebo tea, and who knows what else. I’m hesitant to give it to my dad because there's alcohol in it. He’s currently in the hospital waiting for chemo, which has been pushed back because he has a UTI and is on antibiotics. Mixing antibiotics and alcohol 👎

I’ve taken this myself. I didn't notice any issues with the alcohol content—to be fair, I wasn't on antibiotics at the time—but since you only take this by the spoonful, I don't think it will be an issue. 👍

gentletiger46, I went through the exact same thing... honestly, they didn't even have the decency to tell me face-to-face that I had Hodgkin; they just dropped the news on my parents instead. And I'm 28 years old! Like, seriously, what kind of people do that?🙄
Look, even if you're dealing with Hodgkin, it's not like it's an impossible mountain to climb. It’s definitely doable. It just takes a while. You go through about 2-3 months of chemo followed by radiation, and then you're back in the game.👍

And hey, you can actually use that downtime to enjoy the stuff you never would've had time for otherwise. For me, I finally sat down and knocked out those books I'd been planning to read forever and all that. Hang in there.

Linda Cox69 said:My dear ones,
it seems this is the only place where I can truly let it all out, because every single one of you understands exactly how I feel...😢

Today isn't going particularly well. Mom headed out for her second round of chemo. She’s being so brave, never once complaining; she’s holding up well. Most likely, just like the rest of us... these crises simply swallow you whole, much like they have me today.

I feel so incredibly heavy-hearted. I’m sitting here at the office, when all I want to do is be curled up in bed at home with a mountain of tissues, the TV on, and nothing but Nordorbals to focus on...

I have no strength left to live. There isn't even a tiny shred of energy left inside me.
I spoke with Mom; she’s already in her room. They’ll start the therapy soon. It will probably just be pills again today, followed by chemo tomorrow.

I’m hoping she gets to come home early tomorrow, too.

I look at all these little emojis around me, but none of them could ever capture what I am actually feeling. This kind of pain, this endless sadness... it feels like I'm in a coma.😢🙂🙂🙂

I just want today and tomorrow to pass as quickly as possible. I want Mom to handle the chemo well. I hope she doesn't suffer through those pains like last time—she could barely endure them then...

I just keep crying and crying...
God help us all through this Calvary... Here is my little poem for the forum—maybe my tone of D will lift me up just a little...

Today's post is a total depression dump. Please forgive me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~for the rest of you—since nothing is helping me today...

Pusa

I'll check back in once I've pulled myself together...🙂

Others have already left words of support for you! I can only add that the fear we all carry, triggered by situations like this, is something that defies description and cannot truly be conveyed...

I’ve spoken to many people, wondering if they were braver than I am, but generally, the answer is always: "Those things happened last year, and even though we don't know the specifics, we still remember exactly which month and day everything unfolded!"

During most of my mother's chemo sessions, I spent my time frozen in front of my computer screen, unable to get any work done, alternating between sobbing, laughing hysterically, or trying to force a fake smile... All those days ended with me in physical tension while my mother grew frustrated, unable to understand why I was so preoccupied with it all. My father and brother understood me, though; they both say that on those specific days, they can only sit there and laugh, unable to do anything more or less than that.

During her last two rounds, I actually forgot she was even going to the hospital that day, because I buried myself under such a massive workload that I didn't have the headspace to think about what was happening or how it would go.

We can't change much on our own, and besides, our mothers are in good hands. Tears won't help them; they might actually make things worse. If we put in the effort, stay busy, find some personal joy in our day, and power through it just as strongly as they are powering through their treatment, then maybe we can actually be of help!

Hang in there, and don't let these thoughts break you!

Linda Cox69 said:😘Dear friends... Ivanicapeca and Ružica, age 44...What else is there to say besides thank you...🙂
I find myself in complete agreement, and I am fully aware of everything you all have laid out here. I suppose I am just having one of those days... but reading through your posts provided a sense of relief that I didn't quite expect...

I am speaking with complete sincerity when I say that this means more than I can easily put into words, even if it is just support found within this digital space... Thank you once again.😍

As my username might suggest, I generally make an effort to maintain a positive outlook on life, and... To live...
Reacting this way isn't exactly my style, but I suppose I've simply reached my breaking point...

Regarding the suggestion that I should find ways to cheer my mother up, I have actually been quite diligent about that for some time now... We go out for manicures, hit the shops, and spend our time doing exactly what she enjoys most...
I am fully aware that the initial days following chemotherapy will be incredibly taxing, yet I remain certain that she will emerge from this entire ordeal with her spirit intact and a smile on her face...😍

I never actually told her—not then, and certainly not now—just how much I admire her courage and how deeply I respect her... We aren't one of those families that constantly showers each other with "I love yous" dozens of times a day, though I’ve always found that kind of openness quite beautiful to witness. But I know she knows. And honestly, that is more than enough for me. I have never been the type of person who finds it easy to wear my heart on my sleeve; I find it much simpler to put my thoughts into words instead... a tendency I suspect many of you have probably noticed by now...😁).
I truly wish there were some way to lighten the burden she’s carrying right now, though I am painfully aware that I cannot simply step in and shoulder the entire weight myself... It isn't as if I can take the fight upon my own shoulders just to spare her from facing it alone...

I am certainly not about to pen any more novels, so thank you all for that... It is true, life does have its bright spots. I simply need to take a moment to reflect and center myself, and I am certain I will find them...
There is this persistent sensation, like a lump caught in my throat... I swallow, I struggle, and yet, I simply press on...👍

My dear Pusa...😍

In the realm of human psychology, there exists a certain tendency that can inadvertently amplify fear, and that is the trap of excessive worrying... It is certainly a lovely sentiment to want to bring joy to one's mother by catering to her every preference, but one must strive to act with a sense of spontaneity, lest she senses the underlying weight of overbearing anxiety...

My family is quite small, and we aren't the type of people who feel the need to constantly check in a hundred times a day or repetitively offer platitudes like "how are you feeling?" or "I love you" or "I’m worried about you"... we are all distinct individuals here. However, we did make a mistake in how we approached things; at various points, each of us would shower our mother with so much attention that she eventually concluded we were only doing it because we believed she was dying... that we were desperately trying to cling to her life or force her to find joy... and she told us quite plainly that by acting this way, we were essentially confirming her fears that she was fading away. We stopped that excessive hovering immediately, stepping back to give her the space to simply exist and go about her business exactly as she always has, just as she did before the illness set in...

I never quite had the courage to pull my mother close and tell her "I love you" when she was healthy... but now that things have changed and there are days where we go without even speaking, I find myself calling her just to say, "Just so you know—I love you." It feels as though mothers almost crave those moments, even if we never expressed it that way before...

Just stay brave... because fortune favors the bold...