Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

I've been keeping a close eye on this thread for a while now, mainly because there's a chance my dad might have lung cancer. We're still stuck waiting on the CT scan results...
Hannah James76, I am so incredibly sorry 😢 . My heart goes out to you. 🙂

Hannah James76, I am just so incredibly sorry... please accept my deepest, most sincere condolences... there really aren't any words that can fix this... we can try to tell ourselves that he isn't suffering anymore, and thank God his pain has finally ended—for him, at least—but for those of you left behind, nothing anyone says seems to help... all I can say is stay strong, and please, honey, cry as much as you need to... tears won't bring him back, but....
I'm thinking of you.... and unfortunately, my dad will be heading down that same path soon too....

My dear friends, I haven’t posted in quite a while, and catching up now, I am met with so much heartbreaking news. Hannah James76, my heart truly goes out to you regarding your father and to everyone here who is mourning his loss. I see that some newcomers have also weighed in on this topic, and frankly, I feel sorry that their journey led them to this specific corner of the internet, but I am sending you all my warmest thoughts and praying for the strength you need to navigate this difficult path.

As for us, nothing has changed; we are simply fighting our way from one cycle to the next, constantly monitoring leukocyte counts and everything else that comes with it. This lifestyle has consumed us to the point where even during dinner, we find ourselves debating what is healthy and what isn't, overthinking every single bite to ensure we aren't eating anything subpar. It has become an instinctual part of who we are now. Our patient is nothing short of a miracle, and we are profoundly proud of his sheer resilience and willpower. When I recall how much he wanted to give up after that first round of therapy, I barely recognize the man he was. Now, he pushes himself to eat things he doesn't even like, insists on walking, and stays active just to avoid being confined to a bed. Sometimes, we actually forget that there is a Sarcoma the size of a handball sitting on his lung. We are all fighting this battle together—him alongside us—and slowly, that Sarcoma is melting away. 🙂))
Right now, we are a bit concerned about his hemoglobin and platelet levels, but we are holding onto the hope that by tomorrow, the numbers will look good enough to proceed with the next cycle.
Warm regards to everyone; stay strong for the ones you love.

What I’m about to write might come across as selfish, or maybe just like pure self-pity, but that’s honestly how it is.
I feel so incredibly frustrated and alone.
My dad is battling metastatic prostate cancer, and he’s right in the middle of switching up his treatment plan and everything else.
I can see how depressed he is, which isn't surprising at all since my mom passed away this past spring. Now it’s just the two of us left; most of his friends have passed away too, except for one... so yeah, I feel terribly lonely, worried, and honestly a little terrified (even though we went through the whole ordeal of surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy about ten years ago when Mom had her cancer and beat it). He’s also an incredibly stubborn man; whenever things go wrong, he just shuts down and refuses to talk. Right now, he’s in a phase where the medication is making his throat sore and swallowing difficult, he's dealing with nausea, he has no appetite, and he won't even take fluids (; and I just can't talk him into anything anymore. I mean, I'm looking for something to boost his immunity or just give him some strength, etc. The worst part is watching him weaken so much. I try to encourage him to drink some Brezov juice—not to fast, but just to sip on that juice, because it's what Mom used to drink; or maybe some Tahēebo tea... all those things Mom relied on when she was sick; but nothing works. One day he'll agree, then three days he won't, then five days he's willing, then five days he's not.
And I have this feeling like I've caught something contagious; even though I don't talk about this constantly, and truthfully, I don't really talk to anyone about it. When something was weighing on me and I tried to open up to a friend—well, honestly, it really hurt that my two so-called best friends didn't even show up to my mom's funeral, let alone be there for me back then—it felt like I had the plague. I know it’s not a fun topic, but what kind of damn friend are you if you can't tell them what you're afraid of?
So, I just feel so isolated.
Since it's just me and Dad, he's truly the only person I have; I don't have any brothers, sisters, cousins, or close family friends... and I really feel that void right now—I miss having a support system, that sense of having someone in this whole world who is truly mine. Does that sound ridiculous?

placidbear10 said:What I’m about to say might sound selfish, maybe even like I'm wallowing, but this is just my reality right now.
I feel so incredibly frustrated and alone.
My dad has metastatic prostate cancer, and he's currently in the middle of switching up his treatment plan and everything.
He’s clearly depressed. It’s no surprise, honestly—my mom passed away this past spring. Now it’s just the two of us. His friends have mostly passed away too, except for one... so yeah, I feel terrible—isolated, worried, and honestly, a little terrified (even though we went through the whole ringer ten years ago with surgery, radiation, and chemo when Mom had her cancer and beat it). But he’s an incredibly stubborn man; when things go wrong, he just shuts down and goes silent. Right now, he’s at a stage where the medication makes his throat sore and swallowing difficult, he’s dealing with nausea, has zero appetite, and won't even touch liquids (; and I just can't get through to him. I'm looking for something to boost his immunity, something to strengthen him, etc. The worst part is seeing him lose strength so fast. I try to nudge him toward drinking some Brezov juice (not fasting, just sipping the juice; Mom used to drink it), or taheebo tea... all those things Mom relied on when she was sick; but nothing works. One day he’ll listen, then three days he won't, then five days yes, then five days no.
And I feel like I’ve become contagious; even though I don't talk about this constantly; actually, I don't talk to anyone about it at all. When I was struggling before and tried to open up to a friend—well, frankly, it crushed me that my two so-called best friends didn't even show up for my mom's funeral, let alone be there for me back then—it was like I had the plague. I know it's not a fun topic, but what kind of damn friend are you if you can't tell them what you're afraid of?
So, I just feel lonely.
Since it’s just me and Dad, he’s the only person I have left; I don't have siblings, cousins, or any close relatives... and I really feel that void right now—the lack of a family, the fact that there isn't a single soul in the entire world who is truly mine. Does that sound ridiculous?

Gigi, you aren't alone. I am right here with you, and I truly feel for you from the bottom of my heart!🙂
You know, it might feel like every door is slammed shut, but there's always a window opening somewhere. Put your faith in God's providence; things have to fall into place for you eventually.
Try to take it one day at a time and just deal with things as they come. I know it's brutal with your dad. Try to give it your all, but you can't force him into things he refuses to do. Try talking to him openly—tell him your fears, remind him that you only have each other, and that you want to make things easier for one another rather than harder...
If you need to vent, I'm here.
And like Tin Ujević said:
"Do not fear! You are not alone! There are others besides you
who, unknown to you, live your life.
And everything that flees from you, and everything that burns
within them, burns with the same fervor, beauty, and purity."

Hannah James76 said:My dad is gone 🙂

I am so sorry. Sending you my sincere condolences.

My dad just got admitted to oncology. I can't believe he's the same man I saw just twenty days ago. He’s aged so much and lost about 35 pounds. He has such a strong will to live, though, and keeps saying he’s going to beat this. I just smile and hope for a little miracle, I guess.
I feel like I’m definitely running low on milk, even though my little guy is nursing like crazy. I feed him, but he still keeps asking for more. He just keeps sucking and sucking until the poor thing starts crying... It's tough. I guess I can't help but feel a bit guilty about it.

placidbear10 you aren't alone... if you feel like you have nothing left, you have us... we might just be your virtual friends, but we're yours, we get it, and you could never be ridiculous to us... I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely... on my end though, this huge extended family is driving me absolutely crazy... everyone thinks they're such an expert with their own little ideas, and yesterday my dad finally snapped at all of it and just lost his will... he's stuck on folk remedies and won't even consider starting chemo... which we actually start this Monday... maybe try some reverse psychology, like what Angela Wright mentioned before? maybe that'll work on Dad, so he'll at least take something or eat something? I can only imagine how you feel, my dad had his first big "revolt" yesterday and I just sank... I can't even imagine what you're going through... please write to us so we know how you guys are doing...

goldenorca9 said:They admitted my dad to Oncology. I can't believe he's the same man from just 20 days ago. He's aged so much and lost 15 pounds. He wants to live so badly and keeps saying he's going to beat this. I just smile and pray for a little miracle.
I'm definitely running out of milk even though the little guy is nursing like crazy. I feed him and he just keeps asking for more. He nurses and nurses and then the poor thing just starts crying... It's awful. I somehow feel guilty.

I know exactly what you mean... when I look at my dad, I don't believe it's the same man who was out digging retaining walls around our cabin and doing masonry just two months ago... yesterday I was helping him get dressed (because it hurts him even to take off a shirt) and I saw how his skin just hangs off him... so, is your dad going to be at the Oncology clinic? Wishing you guys luck!
As for the breastfeeding, don't you dare think for one second THAT YOU ARE GUILTY... not even a little bit... unfortunately, stress just does its thing... it makes sense the little one cries if he's trying to nurse and nothing is happening... try to stay persistent for a bit, keep nursing, but try to be as calm and relaxed as possible, maybe just you and the baby if you can manage it... he needs to feel your peace... and maybe try getting that lactation spray from the pharmacy, and if that doesn't work, just let go... it's not even the worst thing that could happen... your baby will grow up healthy, happy, and smiling even without the breast... hang in there, dear goldenorca9

Hey everyone, can someone help me make sense of my aunt's ultrasound results? She's dealing with metastatic melanoma:
"Liver is normal size with regular contours and echo structure. The entire V segment and part of the VI segment are filled by a large soft tissue mass measuring up to 100*85 mm, which includes an area of necrotic breakdown about 10 mm in size."
Gastroscopy findings: "Stomach shows strip-like hyperemia and slightly more prominent folds in the antrum and prepylorus; two biopsies were taken from there for the Pronto Dry HP test."

Thanks for all the support! (I know the grammar might be slightly off, but since this isn't a school exam, I’m going to take a little liberty—not everything needs to be perfect)

You all know how it goes.
I used to have a relatively large extended family—my mom's brothers and sisters—but none of them had children; they've all passed away now. We were incredibly close, though, talking about absolutely everything; they were like second parents to me.
I'm trying to nudge my dad to stay active and engaged without being too pushy or getting on his nerves. I tend to be a bit of a hyperactive type myself; over the last twenty years, as my aunt, uncle, and another aunt fell ill one after another, we did everything humanly possible to help them heal and feel better—including when Mom was battling cancer. I want to do the same now, but Dad is very much his own man. He isn't like my mom at all, and just as different as they were in their general approach to illness, he is here too. I suppose that makes me even more anxious because, unlike my late mother, he's quite guarded. He doesn't really have any theories to discuss regarding sickness or treatment, even if it's just a common virus.
Actually, things have taken a visible turn for the worse quite suddenly, just in the last few days, ever since he started his new chemotherapy drug, Estramustin. They've actually paused it until week two because of thrombocytopenia and anemia—which are classic side effects of chemo, a whole chapter unto themselves in American oncology; nobody really pays attention to them unless you advocate for yourself, unless you're dealing with nausea.
I know how this specific type of cancer progresses; honestly, anyone who has dealt with a loved one being sick could probably write a master's thesis on it 🙂. But still, all you really want is for that person's quality of life to be better and for them to suffer as little as possible.
Tonight, I'm planning to make a juice recipe I found online. It's beet, carrot, lemon, apple, and honey. I'm constantly cooking up piles of vegetables because he loves thick pureed soups but absolutely hates vegetables unless they're pureed... thank God for the immersion blender!
Tell me how you all are doing, what you're up to, and how you're coping with everything.
As for me, I've been walking like crazy (thankfully I love walking), and I'm checking out tons of books from the library. I've realized that crime novels are incredibly relaxing for me (even though my friend thinks they're trash because he's a bit of an intellectual snob and obsessed with Houellebecq—but whatever, back when things were more or less okay, I didn't mind, but now they just annoy me). So, right now, I'm reading "Ice Princess" and "The Woods" by Cobenov in parallel (though I think "Ice Princess" is totally overrated; Mankell is much better). And yesterday, I hit such a low point that I actually watched something I wouldn't normally watch in a million years: the X-Factor on Vox. It was just such a beautiful view of Till Broenner 🙂

placidbear10, don't you dare let yourself slip into loneliness or spend your energy mourning friends who clearly weren't actually there for you. You have to push forward and find activities that bring genuine happiness back into your life. While caring for your father is an incredibly vital responsibility, you absolutely cannot afford to completely lose sight of your own well-being in the process. Most of us here are navigating the exact same struggle; we are all walking this same unpredictable path together. Hang in there!
Everything is under control on our end for the moment, though we'll see how things unfold down the road. Our patient went through a similar phase where he refused to eat properly and even reached a point where he wanted to give up entirely, but now he’s fighting back with everything he's got and isn't deviating from his healthy diet at all. Best,

frozenotter72 said:Hi everyone, can someone help me make sense of my aunt's ultrasound results? She has metastatic melanoma:
"Liver is normal size, regular contours, normal echostructure. The entire segment V and part of segment VI are filled by a large soft tissue mass measuring 100*85 mm, containing an area of necrosis about 10 mm in diameter."
Gastroscopy findings: "Stomach shows band-like hyperemia and slightly more pronounced folds in the antrum and prepylorus; two biopsies were taken from there for the Pronto Dry HP test."

It looks like probable liver metastases.
As for the gastroscopy—it's gastritis. We need to wait and see if the Helicobacter pylori test comes back positive.

Thanks for the reply, but I don't get it. If they took two biopsies for that Pronto Dry test, why didn't they tell us anything? They just sent us home without any explanation, and I only realized what happened when we got back and saw the results... And if they already took a sample for a biopsy, how are we even supposed to get the results?

frozenotter72 said:Thanks for getting back to me, but I honestly don't get it—if they took two biopsies for that Pronto Dry test, why didn't they tell us anything? They just sent us packing without a single word of explanation, and I didn't even realize what happened until we were already home looking at the report. And if they actually took a biopsy sample, how on earth are we supposed to track down the results?

Pronto Dry test results are usually ready in about 15 minutes.
You really ought to ask the technicians at GE who performed the test to get the real story.

placidbear10 you’re doing great, honestly... sounds like you’re feeling a little better too... what are we even doing? just fighting the good fight, I guess... my dad is obsessed with creamy soups, so I always tell him, long live the immersion blender... yesterday afternoon I went to see Ms. Tonković (she's a nutritionist and biochemist) and she gave us some dietary guidelines for him. Everything she said actually makes sense to me... given the type of cancer he’s dealing with—adenocarcinoma of the stomach with liver metastases—bitter, alkaline foods are key. Lots of nettle tea and oak bark, absolutely no fruit, no green veggies at all, and then a tiny pinch of baking soda in water after every meal... she had plenty of other tips that I really liked... nothing to lose, right? chemo starts this Monday and he’s actually looking forward to it. poor guy, he’s just so hopeful that one day someone will finally be able to just cut the tumor out, but...

Could you take a look at this post in this thread?

Thanks.

Chloe Flores95 said:placidbear10 you’re doing so great, and honestly, it sounds like things might be looking up just a little bit... what can we even do? We just keep fighting. My dad is actually a huge fan of creamy soups, so I always tell him, thank God for the immersion blender. I actually went to see Mrs. Tonković yesterday afternoon—she’s a nutritionist and biochemist—and she gave me some dietary guidelines for my dad. Everything she suggested actually makes a lot of sense to me. Given the type of cancer my dad is dealing with—an adenocarcinoma of the stomach with liver metastases—bitter and alkaline foods are really important. She recommended plenty of nettle tea and oak bark tea, strictly forbidding fruit, avoiding green vegetables entirely, and having a tiny bit of baking soda dissolved in water after every meal. She shared a lot of other tips too, and I really liked them... we don't exactly have anything to lose. He starts chemo this Monday, and he's actually looking forward to it. The poor man is just so hopeful that someone will eventually be able to just go in and remove the tumor, but...

Thanks!
Well, you don't really have much of a choice other than to keep moving forward and find your own way to push through and endure.
I just pulled up my dad's recent blood work—CBC, metabolic panel, and everything else. What really bothers me is the way they handle patients at that one hospital up on the hill in NYC. Looking at his results (his new oncologist actually prescribed a new drug, Estracyt, but then had to pull him off it temporarily due to anemia and thrombocytopenia), I can see he's still anemic and his platelet count is still low. But what strikes me is that his levels were basically the same a few months ago; they've just fluctuated slightly, but they've always been low (platelets around 100-125), along with his RBC and hemoglobin. Not a single oncologist at that clinic even blinked at those numbers. Now, the new oncologist at the clinic was actually quite surprised by the latest labs (though I have no idea if she even looked at his old ones), but since she's staying on with him, I'm going to try to find out tomorrow how his previous results compared to today's. But, like I said, they operate on this system where oncologists rotate constantly. You don't even see your own doctor before treatment; instead, you see whoever happens to be working in the Chemotherapy Clinic that day. You end up meeting a whole parade of doctors—my dad has seen six different oncologists during his treatment, and this new lady is number seven. And because you aren't technically "their" patient, it's hard to actually have a real conversation. They just tell you to ask your primary oncologist, but your oncologist is either a) on vacation, b) out with the flu or gallstones, c) at a symposium, or d) somewhere else on the planet for professional development... so it's constant restarts. Essentially, you're left to fend for yourself—which I think we all know by now.
I tried searching for anyone in the US who is currently taking Estracyt, but I didn't have much luck. So, I'm going to look internationally, because I really want to hear about people's experiences with this specific medication. It's always helpful to hear what others have gone through.
It's actually estramustin (manufactured by Pliva under the name Estracyt).
As for friends... I might get a bit repetitive with quotes, but I love them (if anyone is interested, back in the '70s there was this wonderful "Great Epohin Encyclopedia of Aphorisms"—a brilliant little book with all the best bits in one place);
- A friend becomes a true friend only when our crisis ends.
But there's also this one that's quite funny:
- Friend, to cheer you up, let me tell you about my latest misfortune. 🙂

Well, when it comes down to it, no one can truly understand you unless they've lived through something similar. It isn't just about being understood; it's much more important that they accept what you're going through and how you feel, and that they simply stand by you, knowing you'd do the same for them. Sometimes, all you need is someone to help you find the strength to keep going, to relax, to laugh, or to just enjoy a moment. Everyone seems to think you have to talk about the illness constantly, but all the other topics in life still exist, and hey! Let's talk about those too.

I was browsing through some cancer advocacy websites recently, and I have to say, I was pretty disappointed by how lacking they are. They don't even have a dedicated forum, let alone any professional guidance from doctors or psychologists... honestly, nothing at all. It feels like such a missed opportunity because that kind of support is exactly what people need.

So, I wanted to ask everyone here: what have you or your loved ones used to help improve blood counts—specifically for dealing with anemia—and to get those platelet levels up? I came across some information suggesting that taking iron in the form of standard over-the-counter mineral supplements might not be the right move. The idea is that since this isn't a primary iron deficiency, but rather a side effect of the illness or the treatment itself, the iron levels in the body might actually look normal, yet the body just isn't able to utilize it effectively... or something along those lines. I'm really wondering if there's actually anything worth taking. I plan to ask my doctor about it tomorrow, of course. In the meantime, I'll stick to the basics like beets, carrots, and other plant-based options...

Hey placidbear10, I haven't checked the bloodwork yet, but starting next week, I'll be right there in the thick of it too... I've been hearing people swear by taking Endovit syrup when they head in for chemo... For now, I'm just trying to keep Dad's strength up with those Biota juices you can grab at DM—specifically that one blend with beet, carrot, potato, and celery

I want to thank you all so much for the support. I’m still struggling to wrap my head around everything—it honestly doesn't feel real yet—and I can only hope that, in time, the wounds begin to heal...
My sincere wish is that all your loved ones stay healthy and get to enjoy every moment life has to offer.

Hannah James76 said:Thanks everyone for the support. I'm still spinning... honestly can't believe this actually happened. Just hoping time heals everything eventually...
I hope all your loved ones stay healthy and get to live long, full lives.

Oh honey Hannah James76... yeah, time heals wounds, that’s for sure... but man, you just have to survive that waiting period... I don't even know what to say besides hang in there and be strong. Grieve however you need to... I'm already a total wreck, and she's still right here with us...😢😢😢