This is more or less how it went... I lived through the war back in '91, and I was perfectly fine until 1996, when I finally sought military medical care because my mental health was spiraling. I was plagued by restless dreams and couldn't catch a wink of sleep. The doctor diagnosed me with PTSD, which led to a two-month hospital stay where I was prescribed 1 mg of Xanax three times a day. After being discharged, I felt fantastic—better than ever, actually—so I stopped taking the pills altogether. I genuinely thought I was cured. I’d go to the local pool every single day and swim for an hour and a half straight without stopping; I could have gone longer, but honestly, I didn't even know what to think about while swimming, everything just felt perfect. Then one day, I stumbled upon that ancient IMF forum and started posting there. Back then, there were no moderators, and people were posting all sorts of intense stuff about the war. Some guy named Uzdanica kept uploading various war photos, and it really started getting under my skin. The atmosphere on the forum began to mirror the tension I felt when the war first broke out in '91. I felt like I was reliving 1991 all over again. I actually had this paranoid sensation that someone could see me right through the computer monitor. My head was a total mess; the internet, the TV, and reality all bled together. I couldn't tell what was real anymore. I felt like I was being watched, like I was being wiretapped. While I was driving, I started interpreting every license plate as some kind of coded message. For instance, "BJ" meant *run*, "CJ" meant *wait more*, and "BO" meant *no illness*—though "BO" felt good considering my handle was AlBundy. I would drive aimlessly around the outskirts of Indianapolis, trailing cars that looked suspicious to me. I was hallucinating, too. In Djakovo, I saw a massive sturgeon on a restaurant advertisement—something I'd seen online—but that sign didn't actually exist in the real world. At night, I’d drive endlessly through Naperville, Belize, Djakovo, Aljamás, Erdut, and Vukovar, and one night I even made it all the way to Washington, D.C. When I drove into D.C., I had this overwhelming feeling that the police were waiting for me. But as I reached the edge of the city, the entire road looked like it had been defaced with black hieroglyphics. At certain spots, I saw dead chickens scattered on the pavement; I swerved my car to avoid them because I was terrified that hitting them would bring some kind of curse upon me. I drove through a hilly residential area just outside Washington, D.C., before heading down into the city center. I ended up at a perimeter wall, got out of the car, walked the whole length of it, reading names inscribed there, until a lightbulb suddenly went off in my head telling me I had to go home. So I got back in the car to head back, but I couldn't find a way out of the city. I pulled up to the entrances of three different hospitals, wondering why on earth I was there, before turning around and leaving. Then the police pulled me over. They were checking something over their radio, but eventually, they let me go. I asked them for directions back to Indianapolis, they pointed the way, and I took off. I was tailing a car, matching its speed, when suddenly a foul stench filled my vehicle. The faster I stepped on the gas, the worse it smelled; the slower I went, the better. To me, that was a sign that following that car was wrong. Once that car disappeared from view, the smell vanished instantly. I rolled back into Indianapolis around 6:00 AM. I slept for a bit, then headed to the pool. While I was swimming, I found myself singing: *"Fly, bird of golden wings... my homeland calls me, and for her I shall die..."* Suddenly, I started feeling terrible at the pool. It felt like a spy nest; I felt like my life was in immediate danger. I rushed home, grabbed my Czech pistol, loaded one round in the chamber and 15 in the magazine and spare clip, and headed back to the pool in the middle of the night. I was hunting for spies. The pool was so packed with people that I realized if I started shooting, I’d definitely kill someone. But since no one looked suspicious, I just went home. For a few days, I wandered the city carrying a gun. I felt like there was a sniper watching me constantly, ready to take my shot at any second, but honestly, I didn't care. Since my phone and washing machine were being repaired at home, I became convinced someone had installed listening devices in them. I tossed the phone in the trash and loaded the washing machine onto my trailer to haul it to a local landfill. There was an empty tractor trailer parked there, and I thought it was specifically placed there for people to dump trash in. I threw the washer into the trailer and headed home. On the way, I saw a tractor missing a front wheel. Thinking, *why do I need a spare tire in my car?* (my car was brand new, not even a year old), I turned around, went back to the trailer, and dumped my spare tire in there. I figured if I got a flat, I could just grab someone else's car off the side of the road. Suddenly, it hit me: I am invincible. I can't even die, so why do I need a gun? I left it at home and stopped carrying it. I also felt like I could control the weather; even in November, it felt like spring to me. I’d drive around in short sleeves. I truly believed I was Jesus—that I could raise the dead and that I had to die to save humanity, only to rise again. One morning, while driving through the city, things got weird. The parking lots were completely empty. At a red light, I eased off the gas for a split second, then floored it straight into oncoming traffic. After slamming into two cars, I climbed out of my vehicle and started shouting at the intersection. I had this feeling that I had actually died, yet here I was, alive. I tried to get into someone else's car, but the driver locked the doors. A police officer approached me and demanded to know why I was making such a scene. Right then and there, I ripped the hat off his head and told him, "You don't work for the police department anymore. You're fired." The officer actually started shaking with fear, so I just handed him his hat back. Then, a civilian rushed up and punched me square in the head (I later found out he was special ops). That's when the fight with the police started. Actually, they beat me. I ended up in a psychiatric ward, strapped to a bed for a month. From the moment I arrived, I was suspicious of one patient in my room; he looked too much like a cop, and I was convinced they had planted him there specifically to watch me. After I was released, everything felt "off"—the sound of the streetcars, the idea of going back on the forums... it was all too much. I went through a rotation of medications: Leponex, then later Moditen, Akineton, and Amyzol. I couldn't sleep, my heart was racing like crazy, and I had these brain tremors. Eventually, things stabilized. It's been three years now and I feel great. I just take one Rispolept in the morning and nothing else. Three months ago, my doctor changed my diagnosis; it's no longer PTSD, but paranoid schizophrenia. Looking back, I have no idea how it all happened or why I didn't realize sooner that something was seriously wrong. And yeah, during that whole period, the color purple seemed suspicious to me—which is why I call it my "purple phase." So, that's basically the story. If anyone has questions, I'm here.🙂