Talking about Borderline Personality Disorder on Psychocouch

I wasn't exactly feeling creative when I had to come up with a title for this "so sue me" thread. 😁

I just wanted to say that I’m going through a pretty messy, complicated personal crisis right now. It means a LOT to me to be able to dump all my problems onto a thread where people might actually get it—whether they have BPD or they don't. Honestly, I was caught off guard yesterday seeing the thread locked just to "punish" certain users for being disobedient.

I don't know. I truly believe we’re capable of having constructive discussions here. What’s the actual solution? Delete the most read thread on the Psychology board? This place is clearly useful to people, and it gives everyone—BPDers and non-BPDers alike—real insight into how complex this condition is. 🤷

Look, if there’s really no other way, I suggest segregation. It’s obvious we can't play nice in the same sandbox on this specific topic (again, BPDers vs. non-BPDers). Would it honestly be such a huge deal to just open two separate threads? One titled Borderline Personality Disorder, and another for Partners of people with BPD—experiences, advice, and opinions.

After that, it’s easy for a BPDer to jump over and browse the Partners thread, or vice versa. As long as we stop the constant bickering. 🤷 But even then, both threads would need strict moderation to make sure everyone stays on topic.

Also, I agree that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I don't know how easy it is for some women—who may have been victims of physical abuse themselves—to read arguments claiming domestic violence doesn't exist or that it’s just a consequence of a woman's BPD. In my book, no amount of verbal abuse justifies physical violence, whether it's against women or men. From what I know, even someone in a psychotic state has to answer for the physical injuries they inflict on others, let alone a lucid person who loses control while, say, living with someone with a mental illness.

It's not like people with BPD should be immune to criticism. But again, anyone who has become aware of their condition and the negativity they've directed at their Partner can easily hop over to the future "Partners of BPDers" thread and read up on it.

I’m not trying to excuse how we’ve been acting toward our partners lately—I’ve been feeling the weight of it myself over the last few days. But it’s weirdly paradoxical: even though most of us struggle so much with our own sense of self and identity, the whole BPD conversation here seems to revolve almost entirely around our relationships with partners.

It feels like my issues, or the struggles of a BPD person like XY, don't even matter unless they involve how we coexist with someone else. I honestly think we need a thread where we can actually focus on ourselves for once. It’s the same for the partners. Because if someone tells you 😁 in a discussion about relationships, it’s hard to build anything meaningful with anyone else if you haven't sorted yourself out first.

Trust me, it would work better. We’d understand each other more easily, and there wouldn't be as much bickering because the focus would stay on our own perspectives. You wouldn't get that total chaos when a partner's worldview crashes head-first into a BPD person's lived experience.

Look, I’m asking nicely: please don't let this thread turn into a series of ad hominem attacks. I am really not in the mood for verbal warfare. I’ve had enough of that in RL yesterday and today. 🙂

Don't get me wrong, it would be great to integrate relationship stuff into the standard BPD threads. But given our incredibly low tolerance for criticism and how emotionally charged a partner's worldview can be, I can say with total certainty that mixing them just doesn't work.

The biggest issue I see is that if BPD folks only focus on their individual functioning, they might miss out on feedback regarding how they affect their partners—which is a massive part of the BPD struggle. On the flip side, partners might be too rigid or biased due to their own varied negative experiences (and some of those stories I've read are genuinely horrific), which could negatively impact the BPD people reading them. After all, with BPD, we aren't all completely the same.

VA, please don't just scatter like a bunch of amateurs; I truly don't care how this thread ends. Honestly, my only hope—and I say this for your sake and for everyone else on this forum who comes here looking for a shred of comfort or a way to cope—is that the moderators actually decide to unlock this.

I honestly don't mind at all that this thread got locked. I'm totally on board with whatever the moderators are doing to keep things under control... especially when it comes to Almost Rosey and Michelle Evans

vividorca9 said:I just wanted to say that I’m going through a really messy and complicated personal crisis right now, and it means a lot to be able to write about my struggles on a thread where people will actually understand me (whether they have BPD or aren't—doesn't matter). Yesterday, I was honestly caught off guard and felt quite uncomfortable seeing the thread locked just to "punish" certain users for being disobedient.

Hi, vividorca9!

There are two main things to clarify here.

First, locking this thread has absolutely nothing to do with "punishing" anyone.

The thread is locked while we work out how to structure it properly (with clear guidelines posted) or until we can launch a new one that includes a link back to the old, locked version.

For years, this specific thread has struggled with the same issue, following a predictable pattern. The dynamic is such that after any period of quiet, communication quickly turns into subtle—or not so subtle—provocation and insults. I'm not saying it hasn't had its beautiful moments; it certainly has. Plenty of them. But what I am saying is that most of those bright moments eventually end in the same way—in destruction.

We want to redesign it so it's less stressful and frustrating for everyone involved. We need some time to step back and figure out the best way forward, so please bear with us...

Secondly, if you feel the need to vent about your current life struggles, you are more than welcome to start your own personal thread over on the Psychology forum. Or, you could look for an existing thread that touches on similar themes and join that conversation.
You can always find support on the Psychology forum.

All I ask is that you don't open a new general thread regarding BPD or partners of those with BPD.

I don't know, I truly believe we are capable of having constructive discussions there. What’s the solution then? Delete the most-read thread on the Psychology forum? It’s clearly useful to people (again, both those with BPD and their partners) and provides insight into how complex this condition is. 🤷

It hasn't been deleted. If it were gone, you wouldn't be able to see it. It's simply locked and remains available for anyone who wants to read it or find the information they need.

Look, if there's no other way, I suggest separating them, because it's obvious we can't function together on this single thread (again, BPD patients and their partners). Would it really be such a huge problem to open two distinct threads: one titled "Borderline Personality Disorder," and another called "Partners of those with BPD: experiences, advice, and opinions"?

There have been unsuccessful attempts to do exactly that in the past, from what I can tell by reading and cleaning up the archives. It usually ends with participants pushing each other toward the other thread or coming over just to provoke "the others."

Until now, the idea of splitting the threads has been rejected (even before the current moderation team took over), but we are certainly considering it...

Once again, please be patient and understanding!

granitecyclist99 said:I’m perfectly fine with this thread being locked. I fully support the moderators and everything they do to keep things orderly... especially Almost Rosey and Michelle Evans

Yeah, it was pretty obvious when you immediately started a trolling thread over on the general boards right after this one got shut down.

Just because the Psychology mods aren't running this specific section doesn't mean you have a free pass to troll. The same rules apply across the entire forum. Just stop it...

I think I tried starting a separate thread just for people dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder once, but it went absolutely nowhere. Neither side would budge or agree to move over to the other thread because they both felt like moving meant "losing" the argument.

Wait, so you're telling me I can start a thread about my own experiences with BPD and how it messes with my relationship, but I'm not allowed to open a general discussion about BPD itself?

vividorca9 said:Hold on, so I can start a thread about my own experiences with BPD and how it messes with my relationship, but I can't just make a general discussion thread about BPD itself?

From what I've seen, pretty much anyone can post about their own issues, even if there's already a dedicated thread for that specific diagnosis. Your only real issue is that you'll end up with people chiming in who have never even heard of BPD—or barely know anything about it—and they might try giving you totally useless advice. It’s like when someone mentions they have chronic insomnia and some random person suggests drinking warm cocoa before bed so they can "sleep like a baby."

The thread is locked until we figure out how to structure it (either by adding specific guidelines to this topic) or just starting a fresh one with new rules and a link back to this locked version.

Setting strict guidelines feels like a bad move to me. I guess, after thinking about it for a second ☕ my take is that we’d be better off just opening a dedicated BPD sub-forum within the Psychocouch section.
That way, people could spin up their own threads to talk or read about whatever specific slice of BPD they actually care about. We’d see certain issues bubble up naturally, everyone would have their own unique angle, and they could seek out support or answers on their own terms. If things ever got heated—and I don't mean that as a negative thing, maybe just someone giving empty platitudes or a totally wrong answer—we could have a designated space, maybe call it the Ring or the Arena or something like that, where individuals or groups could hash things out to the bitter end (or not), correct someone's logic, or point out when someone's being destructive.
We could have all sorts of specific spots: an ambercyclist50 corner, Medication, Vinina's thoughts, anorexia, bulimia, addiction, Assange's generalizations, PTSD, prostitution, self-harm, homosexuality, larceny, DBT therapy... you get the idea, just various BPD-related topics...

Guidelines wouldn't even be necessary because, honestly, people just won't bother engaging in discussions that don't interest them. It would preserve that sense of creativity and free speech regarding this subject—which any kind of rulebook would just stifle and eventually kill—and everyone could express their individuality just by starting their own thread.
In the end, we'd probably see some really valuable general topics and personal ones crystallize. I know you guys might not agree with me, but given how incredibly witty and insightful people can be (those with BPD can be pretty hilarious, actually), plus the sheer potential for learning through studying BPD, Non-arguments, defense mechanisms, and the various reasons why conflicts happen, it might be better to skip the whole "Arena" thread concept and instead open an Arena sub-forum under the BPD umbrella, featuring threads like those from berlinlover-Harry, Max-Silent, and so on... 😂 Even the arguments don't have to be personal; we can argue and go at each other's throats over broader topics too...
I mean, it's probably a total utopia to think that Non-arguments and people with BPD will ever truly agree on anything, in any capacity. There’s always going to be some level of friction (it's part of the clinical picture, after all), so why fight it?
Anyway, hope that helps a bit.

granitecyclist99 said:granitecyclist99's generalizations

That really got to me. 🤣 🤣

The PDF idea isn't terrible, but is it actually worth the effort? We'd probably end up with a document that's barely longer than the original thread topic. I think making that work is going to be a massive uphill battle, at least on a forum like this.🤷

Elizabeth Davis said:I think anyone can start a thread about their own struggle, regardless of whether they have a formal diagnosis or belong to a specific diagnostic group (at least from what I've seen here). Your only issue is that you'll end up with people chiming in who probably haven't even heard of BPD, let alone understand it. They'll try to offer useless advice—kind of like telling someone with chronic insomnia to just drink some warm cocoa and sleep like a baby.

Yeah, but the thread wouldn't just be about, I don't know, "Me and my chaotic 😍 boyfriend." It would inevitably turn into me asking for help and hearing how other people deal with BPD.

vividorca9 said:I honestly believe we are more than capable of engaging in constructive dialogue here. So, what’s the actual solution being proposed? Are we really going to delete the most read thread on the Psychology subforum? It’s clearly a vital resource that provides genuine insight into the complexities of this condition—and I say that for everyone involved, whether they’re neurotypical or living with BPD. 🤷
.

I honestly believe it would be far more productive to open this discussion up to both sides of the coin—for "them" and for "us." BPD is an incredibly complex issue, and its most intense manifestations almost always play out within the crucible of close relationships. It isn't just a struggle contained solely within the individual living with BPD; rather, it creates a ripple effect that impacts everyone in their immediate orbit—partners, children, and close family members alike. While those living with the disorder endure their own internal storms, the people surrounding them are often caught in the crossfire, bearing a significant weight of their own.

Those living with BPD who are truly serious about finding lasting, meaningful recovery have to face a hard truth: they must confront the collateral damage they inflict on those around them. If you only focus on treating the secondary symptoms—the things that feel like they're hurting *only* you, such as depression, anxiety, phobias, anorexia, bulimia, paranoia, instability, impulsivity, PTSD, or OCD—you aren't actually addressing the core issue. You can chase those individual symptoms forever, but without tackling the underlying pattern, you'll never truly escape the grip of BPD.

In all my experience, I have never seen—nor have I ever heard of—someone with Borderline Personality Disorder actually making progress without first tackling the core issue: that fundamental stall in emotional development and a fundamentally flawed personality structure. Everything else? All those secondary issues are merely symptoms, the inevitable fallout of the primary cause. Without professional intervention, it is an uphill battle that’s almost impossible to win; someone living with BPD often lacks the necessary self-awareness to truly grasp the mechanics of their own behavior. This is precisely why therapists are so indispensable. Of course, the process is rarely smooth—expect volatile reactions and intense turbulence—but let’s be honest: psychotherapy isn't exactly a walk in the park for anyone involved. These sessions are incredibly taxing, both for the individual struggling with BPD and for the therapist navigating the storm.

Every single individual living with Borderline Personality Disorder who "simply cannot stay quiet" regarding those testimonies from Nonovska—it all feels so incredibly detached from any actual, meaningful change. We see plenty of these BPD-related admissions floating around, but they lack substance. When someone with BPD refuses to take accountability for the full scope of the issues their condition creates, it almost always triggers these volatile, explosive reactions from Nonovska—who, let’s be clear, is undeniably a victim in this situation, and absolutely not the cause of the BPD itself.

For those who don't live with it, understanding Borderline Personality Disorder is absolutely vital. Honestly, if you can't wrap your head around BPD and the specific patterns of behavior that come with it, finding any semblance of inner peace is nearly impossible—it’s like trying to navigate a storm without a compass. We've had plenty of similar accounts shared on this forum before, haven't we?

It seems that one of the defining characteristics of BPD is this fundamental inability to resolve internal struggles without the presence of someone else—it’s almost as if the conflict requires an external anchor to even exist. I don't think there is any other mental health condition where you see such starkly polarized sides clashing so frequently. It is incredibly rare for someone living with BPD to easily acknowledge the devastating impact they might have on their Partner; let’s be honest, that kind of realization is a bitter pill to swallow. Because it’s so difficult to face, the resistance—often manifesting as intense anger or outbursts—can be massive. It would be wonderful if we could find a way to navigate through all this more peacefully.

People living with BPD who have fully embraced their diagnosis—those who are genuinely putting in the work to change—find themselves met with nothing but support and validation from non-BPD individuals (without exception). Seriously, just take a look at the last few pages of the locked threads; the pattern is unmistakable.

Outsiders have always been a lightning rod for controversy—they tend to stir up intense reactions from everyone they encounter, whether it’s one side or both. I mean, just look back at the legendary saga involving Chloe and that golden girl—though, honestly, was she even a "golden girl," or just a total socialite?

@granitecyclist99/">@@granitecyclist99, @vividorca9/">@@vividorca9:
That kind of organization might work on a highly specialized, professional forum. It just doesn't fit here. That's why we don't have a dedicated section for Health, or Foot Fungus, or even a Gourmet Cooking subforum...

We need clear guidelines.

vividorca9 said:Wait, so I can start a thread about my own experiences with BPD and how it impacts my relationship, but I can't start a general discussion about BPD itself?

The administration will handle any general BPD topics.
Feel free to open a thread about whatever you're currently struggling with—your relationship, your job, family issues, or anything else. You mentioned you're going through a messy, complicated personal crisis and need support. Please, share what's on your mind...

Just a heads-up for anyone joining in—and we’ll include a disclaimer on your thread once it's live (either from me or a sub-mod)—that the focus will be on supporting you and your specific situation.

To give an example, since we don't have specific topic threads yet: discussions regarding violence in people with BPD aren't welcome unless that's your specific issue; stories about promiscuity among those with BPD won't be tolerated unless that is what you are personally dealing with.

This thread should remain focused on you.

We shouldn't overlook the fact that even a topic this "contentious" and—let's be honest—completely disorganized has become our most read thread in the psychology section. Most people haven't even heard of BPD, let alone understood it, which makes it a far cry from something universally known like schizophrenia or depression. So, how do we account for this sudden explosion in interest? We saw 650 visits in just the last 24 hours, and that’s with the thread being locked since yesterday.

During the first eleven months of last year, we were averaging fewer than 150 daily views. How on earth do you explain a massive 500% surge like this?

ambercyclist50 said:We shouldn't overlook the fact that even a "controversial" and "chaotic" topic like this one became the most read thread in the psychology section. Most people haven't even heard of BPD, unlike schizophrenia or depression. How else can we explain such high engagement? In just the last 24 hours, there were 650 visits, yet the thread was locked yesterday.

During the first 11 months of last year, the average daily readership was less than 150. How do we account for a nearly 500% surge?

One explanation might be that users on the Depression or Schizophrenia forums don't engage in heated arguments or bickering quite like this. When those rare clashes do happen over there, we see a sudden spike in both views and posts...
Some people—perhaps even most—simply enjoy reading about volatile topics, even without a personal connection. It’s basically bread and circuses, much like waiting for the next season of a favorite TV show to drop...

Right now, maintaining high readership feels like a lower priority than temporarily calming the atmosphere, which we felt had become a bit too intense and potentially harmful. We decided to put the numbers on the back burner for a moment. High traffic isn't everything...

Are you suggesting that BPD has gained traction among the general public primarily through online arguments? Honestly, I don’t see that as an entirely negative thing—it might actually serve a purpose by introducing people to the concept of BPD in the first place.
How do you account for the fact that so many people are reading up on something most of them have never even heard of before?

I was browsing another forum recently where users were constantly bickering over trivial nonsense—like whether roses or tulips are better—and they spend all their time hurling insults at one another, yet the readership is lower than the actual number of active forum members. How on earth do you explain that phenomenon?

ambercyclist50 said:How do you explain why so many people are reading about something most have never even heard of before?

I can't exactly read the minds of everyone who wanders into this thread to figure out their motivations.
I can't read anyone's mind, including yours—I just want to know if this inquiry is actually leading somewhere or if it's just an exercise in itself. If there's a point to this, please be direct so we can actually discuss it...
Otherwise, I feel I've already covered all the important bases.

How could it not lead there?! It’s simply a matter of re-evaluating your stance on that controversial closed thread and abandoning the editorial policy you've laid out. You know how the saying goes—don't change horses in the middle of a

Who, specifically, is actually bothered by the way that topic unfolded? I’m curious—who exactly found it problematic, and conversely, who felt it was perfectly fine? Let's look at this through a bit of a cost-benefit lens—what were the actual pros and cons here?

ambercyclist50 said:How could it not be?! Just reconsider your stance on that controversial closed thread and drop the offensive attitude you've been showing. You know what they say, don't change horses midstream...

Then just say it plainly. I'm not a fan of hinting. It's too easy to misinterpret things... projection and all that.

All of us—meaning the moderators—will be thoroughly reviewing our positions on this topic. Otherwise, we won't be able to decide which direction to take regarding the options mentioned so far.

Why would you think I haven't revisited my views multiple times already? You seem focused on me backing down, but this could just as easily be seen as maintaining a decision. Which is exactly what it is. The thread stays locked. I explained why in the post above.