#41 ·
The bus is fueled up and ready to roll for our big campaign through all those Adobe files starting Monday. 👍
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Parliamentary Elections for Reddit
Parliamentary Elections for Reddit
Started by Maria Barnes · · 👁 10 views · 95 replies
Participants
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#44 ·
I just got word that some underground splinter group is forming— SPERMA, an alliance of the permabanned. I don't know anything about them, other than they're scouting Loom for a spokesperson and drafting a platform titled "Adult content in America"... we'll find out more once they wrap things up.
#45 ·
Adam Doyle63, I might actually owe you an apology here.
When I first looked over the founding documents for the Penis party and spent some time digging into your platform—even though I felt a bit of a pull toward it—I ended up dismissing you guys as just a controlled opposition group.
The party is barely even established, yet the media is all over you; it seems like you've made some sort of deal with Maria Barnes to barge into this campaign through the front door (well, maybe more like a big bus)... I don't know, my heart is with the Penis party, but my head is telling me to be cautious. ☕
But, seeing those first moves you announced regarding the "Gray is the new Blue" initiative, I decided I should probably give you guys another look.
It’s just... it really stands out how much more resources you have compared to the other parties. 🕺 I guess I have to ask, what are the actual sources of funding for your campaign?
When I first looked over the founding documents for the Penis party and spent some time digging into your platform—even though I felt a bit of a pull toward it—I ended up dismissing you guys as just a controlled opposition group.
The party is barely even established, yet the media is all over you; it seems like you've made some sort of deal with Maria Barnes to barge into this campaign through the front door (well, maybe more like a big bus)... I don't know, my heart is with the Penis party, but my head is telling me to be cautious. ☕
But, seeing those first moves you announced regarding the "Gray is the new Blue" initiative, I decided I should probably give you guys another look.
It’s just... it really stands out how much more resources you have compared to the other parties. 🕺 I guess I have to ask, what are the actual sources of funding for your campaign?
#46 ·
Penis and Sperm - nature's bounty.
Now I'm seeing Nothin' signature flashing everywhere! That's gotta be the party.
I think I might have to change the party name. To... Boobs and Butts...? While the opportunity is still there. Man, imagine the posters. 🙂
Now I'm seeing Nothin' signature flashing everywhere! That's gotta be the party.
I think I might have to change the party name. To... Boobs and Butts...? While the opportunity is still there. Man, imagine the posters. 🙂
#47 ·
Looks like someone from Sperm is leaking data to Penis. And now a slogan from Sperm has leaked out to Penis: Don't trust the Sith Jedi. 🤷
#48 ·
Henry Campbell5, that’s straight-up misinformation. I’ve got absolutely nothing to do with Sperm and I don't even touch politics.
I'm strictly part of the civic initiative Providing obvious experience to the inexperienced in finishing and right now we're just debating whether we should suggest our volunteers support the Pond program.
I'm strictly part of the civic initiative Providing obvious experience to the inexperienced in finishing and right now we're just debating whether we should suggest our volunteers support the Pond program.
#51 ·
Larry Walker24 said:SLOGANS:
dick is our idol
the dick needs to boost the altar
nothing beats an American dick
Manchi, we're talking about the Penis as a foreigner here! 😉
#52 ·
Chris Myers said:Manchi, we're talking about the Penis as a foreigner here! 😉
We over in the Penis community—unlike the rest of you folks—actually embrace diversity. To us, everyone is on equal footing, whether they're travelers, minorities, different ethnicities, the LGBTQ+ crowd, or just people who live for Eurovision... We don't judge fellow Redditors based on their worldview or political ideology. Every single user here holds the same value.
Manchi, welcome aboard, and make sure to check in with Majama in the workgroup to grab your badge 👍
PS: Expect our responses to your questions and the official press release later this evening.
#54 ·
Adam Doyle63 said:We over in the Penis community—unlike the rest of you folks—actually embrace diversity. To us, everyone is on equal footing, whether they're travelers, minorities, different ethnicities, the LGBTQ+ crowd, or just people who live for Eurovision... We don't judge fellow Redditors based on their worldview or political ideology. Every single user here holds the same value.
Manchi, welcome aboard, and make sure to check in with Majama in the workgroup to grab your badge 👍
PS: Expect our responses to your questions and the official press release later this evening.
What’s the membership fee?
I'm interested.
#55 ·
rowdytiger13 said:What’s the membership fee?
I'm interested.
Our task force leader is currently out hiking in the mountains and should be back tonight; it's nothing major, but we pay in kind and you get a badge.👍
#56 ·
Adam Doyle63 said:The bus is fueled up and ready to roll for our big campaign through all those Adobe files starting Monday. 👍
Which dark money funds are bankrolling this whole operation? 😁
Look, we—the true American forum sovereigns—have to settle for squeezing onto the subway for now. But that’s going to change once we take power. We'll hold a referendum on the official fleet procurement. Audi or a Bear. Let the people decide sovereignty for themselves.
If the Penises and Spermić are on board, I suggest a virtual protest against the current state of the forum and all this moderator torture. Enough is enough—they've had their turn piercing us. It's time to flip the script.
#57 ·
Larry Walker24 said:SLOGANS:
dick is our idol
the dick needs to boost the altar
nothing beats an American dick
Oh, really? That's news to me. I guess you just go whichever way the wind blows, huh? 🕺
I don't really approve of all these parties being so crude, by the way! Could we please get at least one that aligns with American decency? 🙂:
Well, this might be my last post, but here's a potential suggestion for the anthem of the party. It’s pretty vulgar though, so I should probably warn you. Even I wouldn't personally enjoy it, especially since I already don't care much for 🤔 (and honestly, it's more about the nostalgia than the actual quality of the song, I suppose).
#58 ·
THE FDZ DEMAGOGUE COLLECTIVE
It is truly an honor to introduce to this wonderful little community a political party specifically designed to deepen your misery, all for the sake of my own personal gain. We intend to fight for plenty of battlegrounds, most of which involve selling nothing but smoke and mirrors, and even the tiny sliver of actual substance we might find, we won't bother fulfilling. Casting your vote for us will benefit exclusively you, because if you actually place your trust in the FDZ, then you clearly possess the maturity required for placement in a closed institution (to put it in layman's terms, a mental asylum), and there really is no better metric than self-assessment.
Our Party Platform:
1. Splitting the forum into multiple districts to create more moderator job openings. Each district should be further fragmented into sub-districts to be managed by sub-moderators. Moderator positions would be awarded based on a strict system of qualifications, which will include (rules regarding such a system will be subject to change to allow for cheating and rigged bidding, should such a thing even exist)
a) The mandatory maintenance of a forum dossier: essentially, your applications will be reviewed based on a points system tied to your disciplinary record (for example, if you have 10 strikes, you get 10 positive points; however, if you’ve had zero strikes in your entire career, we’ll have to disqualify you). Furthermore, you receive extra bonus points if you have been banned (specifically, an amount of points equal to the number of strikes used to ban you).
b) Mandatory proof of having voted for our party during the elections, provided in the form of a screenshot.
c) Educational requirements: a minimum of the first four grades of elementary school (not strictly necessary)
d) You must be widely hated, ensuring that as many threads about you as possible are opened on the PŽK—because that drives our engagement numbers up.
Additional qualifications will not be rewarded. We couldn't care less if you are fluent in Arabic or if you happen to hold a Nobel Prize; frankly, go do that somewhere else.
2. People frequently ask us whether we are left-wing or right-wing. Our answer is: whatever makes us feel like messing with you.
3. Implementing the full force of Forum lustration: this means everyone who moderated under the current regime (which will soon be the former regime) must be purged from every sphere of forum life, placed on a pillar of shame, publicly humiliated, and banned for life (and even beyond that, just in case they decide to reincarnate).
4. Opening a new sub-forum titled Forum eavesdropping, where private messages sent by users from 2005 all the way to the present day will be published on a daily basis.
5. Supporting freedom of speech, which we will carefully regulate through special ordinances, because only a good government knows exactly what its citizens need and are allowed to think.
6. Renaming the Messages, Complaints, and Comments sub-forum to "Praises and Messages"; after all, you don't have much to complain about if the government has already sent you to the history department's detention room.
7. Granting amnesty to everyone banned over the last 20 years who was punished for "serious" offenses like insulting others, instigating arguments, or trolling. We need more of those constructive and interesting users back in the mix.
8. The possibility of forming coalitions with anyone whose vision doesn't extend beyond our own interests.
9. Replacing the PŽK with Forumite, a space where formerly banned users can enjoy all the blessings of Reddit as if they were never banned in the first place.
This list is subject to expansion. Please be patient; even for top-tier thieves, swindlers, and shameless opportunists, compiling a complete list of interests all at once is a daunting task.
How to join? Completely free of charge, though perhaps a little grease under the table wouldn't hurt. I believe that fighting for one's personal interests is a fundamental right, as the great Enlightenment thinker Voltaire once suggested.
Slogan: Best when trolling.
Who knows.
United by petty interests.
New era. New loot.
It is truly an honor to introduce to this wonderful little community a political party specifically designed to deepen your misery, all for the sake of my own personal gain. We intend to fight for plenty of battlegrounds, most of which involve selling nothing but smoke and mirrors, and even the tiny sliver of actual substance we might find, we won't bother fulfilling. Casting your vote for us will benefit exclusively you, because if you actually place your trust in the FDZ, then you clearly possess the maturity required for placement in a closed institution (to put it in layman's terms, a mental asylum), and there really is no better metric than self-assessment.
Our Party Platform:
1. Splitting the forum into multiple districts to create more moderator job openings. Each district should be further fragmented into sub-districts to be managed by sub-moderators. Moderator positions would be awarded based on a strict system of qualifications, which will include (rules regarding such a system will be subject to change to allow for cheating and rigged bidding, should such a thing even exist)
a) The mandatory maintenance of a forum dossier: essentially, your applications will be reviewed based on a points system tied to your disciplinary record (for example, if you have 10 strikes, you get 10 positive points; however, if you’ve had zero strikes in your entire career, we’ll have to disqualify you). Furthermore, you receive extra bonus points if you have been banned (specifically, an amount of points equal to the number of strikes used to ban you).
b) Mandatory proof of having voted for our party during the elections, provided in the form of a screenshot.
c) Educational requirements: a minimum of the first four grades of elementary school (not strictly necessary)
d) You must be widely hated, ensuring that as many threads about you as possible are opened on the PŽK—because that drives our engagement numbers up.
Additional qualifications will not be rewarded. We couldn't care less if you are fluent in Arabic or if you happen to hold a Nobel Prize; frankly, go do that somewhere else.
2. People frequently ask us whether we are left-wing or right-wing. Our answer is: whatever makes us feel like messing with you.
3. Implementing the full force of Forum lustration: this means everyone who moderated under the current regime (which will soon be the former regime) must be purged from every sphere of forum life, placed on a pillar of shame, publicly humiliated, and banned for life (and even beyond that, just in case they decide to reincarnate).
4. Opening a new sub-forum titled Forum eavesdropping, where private messages sent by users from 2005 all the way to the present day will be published on a daily basis.
5. Supporting freedom of speech, which we will carefully regulate through special ordinances, because only a good government knows exactly what its citizens need and are allowed to think.
6. Renaming the Messages, Complaints, and Comments sub-forum to "Praises and Messages"; after all, you don't have much to complain about if the government has already sent you to the history department's detention room.
7. Granting amnesty to everyone banned over the last 20 years who was punished for "serious" offenses like insulting others, instigating arguments, or trolling. We need more of those constructive and interesting users back in the mix.
8. The possibility of forming coalitions with anyone whose vision doesn't extend beyond our own interests.
9. Replacing the PŽK with Forumite, a space where formerly banned users can enjoy all the blessings of Reddit as if they were never banned in the first place.
This list is subject to expansion. Please be patient; even for top-tier thieves, swindlers, and shameless opportunists, compiling a complete list of interests all at once is a daunting task.
How to join? Completely free of charge, though perhaps a little grease under the table wouldn't hurt. I believe that fighting for one's personal interests is a fundamental right, as the great Enlightenment thinker Voltaire once suggested.
Slogan: Best when trolling.
Who knows.
United by petty interests.
New era. New loot.
#59 ·
Finally, it looks like the party might actually be making headway against American hypocrisy and choosing the lesser of two evils. Maybe! 👍
#60 ·
Welcome, fellow FDZ-ers; I’m looking forward to a high-quality campaign and some decent debates in the near future 👍
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