Topic of the day > You find out your friend cheated on her boyfriend...

sense said:I just can't get behind this, especially looking back at it now. The women doing this stuff back then? They’re still doing it today. Most of them aren't actually trying to fix their insecurities or their massive egos... they're just looking for validation. It’s like a rush for them to see if they can pull any guy, even if it means messing with a friend's husband or boyfriend.
I don't have friends like that personally, but I definitely know people who do.

But in the specific cases I'm talking about, we're dealing with an ex. So, nobody is "stealing" anyone.

I totally get what you're getting at, and honestly, the girl who snatched my boyfriend away (what a stupid way to put it) was kind of that type—even though you two actually look great together, she always had this habit of being a total gossip despite having some good qualities. But the other woman I mentioned in the post you're quoting is the complete opposite. She's blunt, tells it like it is, and is just incredibly self-assured; she doesn't need constant attention because, frankly, almost everyone finds her attractive. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't even dream of messing with my man unless she fell head over heels for him.
Anyway, she and my guy absolutely despise each other, so there's zero chance 🤣.

amberviper70 said:How long does it take for an ex to become "less" of an ex?
🤔

I’ve been wondering lately—how many years actually need to pass before an ex feels a little less like someone from your past and more like just another person?

Honestly, I don't really see the issue here. Just because I’m not okay with it doesn't mean they can't be. I shouldn't have to act as some kind of moral gatekeeper for their lives.
Of course, seeing something like that would definitely shake me up a bit, especially since we were together not too long ago, but I refuse to let emotions cloud my judgment or dictate how I process things.

Thomas Nelson25 said:It’s a proven fact—women go crazy for guys who are already taken or married.

Oh, absolutely!!! I learned that one the hard way. Back when I was married, two women were all over me—and they weren't even friends with my ex, just random acquaintances.
Once the divorce went through, it was like someone flipped a light switch; suddenly, I wasn't interesting to them anymore.
And look, I haven't changed—I was the same guy before, during, and after the marriage. So clearly, it isn't about me—it's probably some weird sexual fetish or whatever they've got going on...

amberviper70 said:I was absolutely head over heels for Peter.
But then Peter just walked out on me.
Now I'm just moping around—drinking, partying, trying to deal with the mess.
My friend is the one helping me through it.

Then someone else comes along, and suddenly, I'm feeling that spark all over again.🙂.

Is it finally time to let go of my grudge against Peter and tell my friend she’s officially off the hook from making sure my ex doesn't look my way?
Or is Peter destined to haunt me forever(even though he clearly wasn't really mine to begin with)?

Well, that’s usually how life works, isn't it? You meet someone new, and you eventually realize—mostly because we can be pretty slow on the uptake sometimes—that things are actually much better this way. No more holding onto bitterness, anger, or old grudges... because love is supposed to be good. Just let Peter go, give my friend a break,
and move on with a clear conscience.

amberviper70 said:I was head over heels for Peter.
But then Peter just walked out on me.
Now I'm just drifting through life, nursing my sorrows with a drink or two and trying to stay sane.
My friend is the one helping me get through it.

Then some other guy wanders by and suddenly I'm falling in love all over again.🙂.

Is it finally time to hold Peter accountable for his betrayal and tell my friend she's officially forbidden from even looking at my ex?
Or am I stuck with Peter until the end of time(even though he clearly wasn't mine to begin with)?

Yes, it’s definitely time. Honestly, you shouldn't even have to ask...

amberviper70 said:How long until an ex stops being an ex?
🤔

Seriously though, how many years have to pass before an ex becomes... slightly less of an ex?

I’m dying to know this too. I get that you need a breather, but if this "rule" actually existed, everyone in my small town would’ve been living like monks for the last 15 years.

The only guy I actually know who ended a friendship over this was some dude who dumped his girl after cheating on her—which, honestly, was his move with every single girl he ever dated. Fast forward at least a year, and when his buddy told him he was finally seeing her, the guy absolutely lost it. I don't even know what to say about that one...

William Thompson10 said:Honestly, I don't really see the issue here. Just because I’m not okay with it doesn't mean they can't be. I shouldn't have to act as some kind of moral gatekeeper for their lives.
Of course, seeing something like that would definitely shake me up a bit, especially since we were together not too long ago, but I refuse to let emotions cloud my judgment or dictate how I process things.

BOLD: Exactly.
That's how level-headed, rational people look at things.

The only real issue would be if the breakup was still super recent.
I'd still have my eyes on my 😁ex.

But honestly, I wonder when that feeling will finally fade.🤔

Keith Johnson56 said:Oh, absolutely!!! I learned that one the hard way. Back when I was married, two women were all over me—and they weren't even friends with my ex, just random acquaintances.
Once the divorce went through, it was like someone flipped a light switch; suddenly, I wasn't interesting to them anymore.
And look, I haven't changed—I was the same guy before, during, and after the marriage. So clearly, it isn't about me—it's probably some weird sexual fetish or whatever they've got going on...

So basically, you gotta bluff. Pretend you're taken.
How do you "smell" like a family man if you aren't actually one, just to boost those odds?

Noah Moore61 said:Well, that’s usually how life works, isn't it? You meet someone new, and you eventually realize—mostly because we can be pretty slow on the uptake sometimes—that things are actually much better this way. No more holding onto bitterness, anger, or old grudges... because love is supposed to be good. Just let Peter go, give my friend a break,
and move on with a clear conscience.

So, what—you think the friendship can stay exactly the same size?

We'd be sitting at a Starbucks together, chatting about the physical side of their relationship.
The part I actually experienced with him...🤔

Hmm...

She’d head home with her blessing, but there wouldn't be any "blessing" left in our friendship.
Not that I’d hold it against her—it would just feel wrong. It would feel unnatural.

Quercus said:Honestly, the only guy I know who actually ended a friendship over something like this was some dude who dumped his girl after cheating on her—which he did to every girl he ever dated. Fast forward a year or so, and when his buddy told him he was now seeing her, he absolutely lost it. What can you say?

Pure male territorialism.

amberviper70 said:BOLD: Exactly.
That's how level-headed, rational people look at things.

The only real issue would be if the breakup was still super recent.
I'd still have my eyes on my 😁ex.

But honestly, I wonder when that feeling will finally fade.🤔

Of course, it stings a little. But eventually, you'll look back and be glad it happened for their sake as much as yours.
Recovery isn't one-size-fits-all; some breakups take longer than others. But you really have to sit with those emotions and try to view everything from a neutral perspective. Ultimately, everything has to click into place within yourself. I hope that makes sense. 🤔
Thinking back to a past split of mine, what actually helped me move on was realizing she had already moved on with someone else. Once you see that reality, the door finally closes, and you can actually start walking forward.

Keith Johnson56 said:Oh, absolutely!!! I learned that one the hard way. Back when I was married, two women were all over me—and they weren't even friends with my ex, just random acquaintances.
Once the divorce went through, it was like someone flipped a light switch; suddenly, I wasn't interesting to them anymore.
And look, I haven't changed—I was the same guy before, during, and after the marriage. So clearly, it isn't about me—it's probably some weird sexual fetish or whatever they've got going on...

That's just how Mother Nature wired things. Women are drawn to men who are already attracting other women.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been out and told some random guy, "Hold on, let me go check on my friend," only for him—or the whole group—to chime in with some snide comment about how she isn't *actually* my friend... basically implying they were all throwing themselves at her.
Honestly, compared to me, they don't stand a chance—they just come off as pathetic little 🙄
I’m not even in touch with one of them anymore... and the connection with the other is pretty thin at best...
But I didn't bother reacting to those miserable little attempts at relevance... I just quietly filed them away under "not worth my time" in the back of my mind...

Kevin Barrett22 said:I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been out and told some random guy, "Hold on, let me go check on my friend," only for him—or the whole group—to chime in with some snide comment about how she isn't *actually* my friend... basically implying they were all throwing themselves at her.
Honestly, compared to me, they don't stand a chance—they just come off as pathetic little 🙄
I’m not even in touch with one of them anymore... and the connection with the other is pretty thin at best...
But I didn't bother reacting to those miserable little attempts at relevance... I just quietly filed them away under "not worth my time" in the back of my mind...

It's hard to pull that off in real life because women can be pretty flirtatious in how they communicate.
It works if she acts more like a sister or whatever (though you definitely hear stories about people overstepping).
Basically, she just needs to be chill toward your boyfriend.

Thomas Nelson25 said:It's hard to pull that off in real life because women can be pretty flirtatious in how they communicate.
It works if she acts more like a sister or whatever (though you definitely hear stories about people overstepping).
Basically, she just needs to be chill toward your boyfriend.

People usually take my word for things when I make a recommendation—so naturally, they figure they might as well try a little bit of it themselves...🙄

amberviper70 said:So, what—you think the friendship can stay exactly the same size?

We'd be sitting at a Starbucks together, chatting about the physical side of their relationship.
The part I actually experienced with him...🤔

Hmm...

She’d head home with her blessing, but there wouldn't be any "blessing" left in our friendship.
Not that I’d hold it against her—it would just feel wrong. It would feel unnatural.

Pure male territorialism.

Well, honestly, maybe things would actually be better off that way. God works in mysterious ways, I guess. 🙂

Kevin Barrett22 said:I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been out and told some random guy, "Hold on, let me go check on my friend," only for him—or the whole group—to chime in with some snide comment about how she isn't *actually* my friend... basically implying they were all throwing themselves at her.
Honestly, compared to me, they don't stand a chance—they just come off as pathetic little 🙄
I’m not even in touch with one of them anymore... and the connection with the other is pretty thin at best...
But I didn't bother reacting to those miserable little attempts at relevance... I just quietly filed them away under "not worth my time" in the back of my mind...

That’s easy for those reckless kids to say, but who's actually standing a chance against you?

Noah Moore61 said:Well, honestly, maybe things would actually be better off that way. God works in mysterious ways, I guess. 🙂

That’s easy for those reckless kids to say, but who's actually standing a chance against you?

from the hunter

Kevin Barrett22 said:People usually take my word for things when I make a recommendation—so naturally, they figure they might as well try a little bit of it themselves...🙄

Maybe they were just testing the guy out, and he immediately jumped to thinking they were hitting on him.
Basically, his ego gets a boost (because let’s be real, would he think anything else?), but then he tells you they're being difficult—which could just be because they're annoying him. Typical guy move.

Noah Moore61 said:Honestly, this might be the best thing you've ever posted on here. 🙏
You stumbled a little bit in the second half, but I'll give it to you.

I’ve never really had an ex-friend try to move in on a girl I was seeing.
If someone does that, can you even call them a friend anymore, or are they just some jerk?

There's this coworker of mine, she's about 32, and she's been dropping hints about being my mistress, which is awkward enough because her husband works right alongside me.
The thought hasn't even crossed my mind to go there, mainly because the guy is a colleague and a genuine friend.
I suppose some people would jump at the chance, but isn't that just what low-life, disrespectful people do?

Thomas Nelson25 said:Maybe they were just testing the guy out, and he immediately jumped to thinking they were hitting on him.
Basically, his ego gets a boost (because let’s be real, would he think anything else?), but then he tells you they're being difficult—which could just be because they're annoying him. Typical guy move.

Or hey, maybe he actually tried something and they blew him off, so now he's just looking for payback. Could totally be that...

amberviper70 said:So, what—you think the friendship can stay exactly the same size?

We'd be sitting at a Starbucks together, chatting about the physical side of their relationship.
The part I actually experienced with him...🤔

Hmm...

She’d head home with her blessing, but there wouldn't be any "blessing" left in our friendship.
Not that I’d hold it against her—it would just feel wrong. It would feel unnatural.

Pure male territorialism.

Bottom line, I don't think it works. Maybe in La La Land. 😁