Topic of the day: Do you know anyone who has undergone a complete personality makeover?

May 19th. Do you know anyone who has undergone a drastic change in character or behavior, almost as if they became a completely different person?

Actually, I do know someone like that.

A few years back, I worked with a girl... she was quiet, timid, and you could tell just by her face and body language how insecure she was, though she was genuinely kind.
No makeup, nothing colorful in her wardrobe... she was always in black.

And then it happened... I'm not even sure exactly what triggered it. 😁
She worked on herself and changed over those couple of years we were friends... but then that change went way too far.
From an insecure, shy girl, she suddenly became incredibly self-centered and—frankly—arrogant. 😕

One sunny day, we were sitting in Central Park when a plus-sized woman walked past us.
And this girl, not even five or six seconds in, goes "I’d be too embarrassed to wear white pants, but look at how much butt she has."

Man, if I didn't nearly fall over right then, I never would have. 🤣

I told her she didn't know anything about the woman who just passed us, and that maybe just a few weeks ago that woman had a much bigger butt and might actually be really attractive now.
I mean, you can't really know.
You shouldn't talk about random people passing by like that.
It's just ugly.

And honestly... I kept thinking about that girl for a long time afterward and how things turned out that way.
From being quiet and unsure to becoming so (almost) toxic and conceited.

That was my example and the first person I thought of for this question.
Feel free to share yours; I bet most of us will associate this question with someone in our own circles. 🙂

Thanks to anonymous 🙂 for the suggestion.

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This thread was spun off from 54. post from the topic of the day.

She hasn't actually changed; she’s just finally saying what she’s always thought. The woman has incredibly high standards for herself and everyone else.
She’s spent her whole life dealing with her own issues, and now she’s just taking it out on people verbally. It's a textbook case of a victim turning into an aggressor.

I’m a firm believer in that old saying, "A leopard can change its spots, but it can't change its nature."

Sure, you can tweak a few habits or refine your style—and if you put in the actual work on yourself, you can definitely unlearn some things from your upbringing—but your core essence? That fundamental part of who you were born to be? I'm not so sure about that. 🙂

ps. I’m a total black-clothing enthusiast myself 🕺 If someone actually tried to put me in white pants—especially in the middle of winter and specifically those ankle-length ones—I think I’d forget how to walk. Plus, I'd be constantly paranoid about imaginary judgmental stares at my backside. It’s just way too easy to see whether or not someone is wearing underwear in white clothing. It's basically a tactical decision at that point! But yeah, it’s honestly pretty tacky for women to critique other women's bodies like that. Big, small... whatever. Honestly, that girl probably would have been a villain regardless of what color she was wearing.

In my opinion, it never actually happens—people just end up putting on an act to mask who they really are...
I’m not talking about growing up, obviously; you need time to find yourself as you mature...

Every change I've seen in people I know is usually just them playing a part until they finally can't hold it together anymore, or they just relax and their true self slips out...

Linda Johnson15 said:In my opinion, it never actually happens—people just end up putting on an act to mask who they really are...
I’m not talking about growing up, obviously; you need time to find yourself as you mature...

Every change I've seen in people I know is usually just them playing a part until they finally can't hold it together anymore, or they just relax and their true self slips out...

Yeah, there’s way too much acting going on.

It feels like we’re all just living on some massive stage filled with terrible actors performing an even worse play.

It’s actually pretty common to see people get a massive ego trip once they land a promotion or move up the corporate ladder. That’s why I have such deep respect for those who stay grounded and don't let a fancy title change who they are at their core.

That said, I do know one person who actually underwent a complete transformation for the better following a truly devastating tragedy. My sister's mother-in-law—when I first met her (and others had told me the same thing)—just gave off this incredibly negative vibe. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt from anyone else. When my sister married her only son, the mother-in-law invited them all to move in together. At first, things were fine, but then life hit them hard: her husband was deployed overseas, and my sister was pregnant and had to be extremely careful, which made the living situation increasingly tense. Once the husband returned from his deployment and went back to work, my sister had their son. She tried talking to him about the friction in the house, but nothing changed. So, one day while he was out at his job, she just called some friends to pick her and the baby up, packed their bags, and moved back home to stay with her parents and me, giving her husband a quick heads-up via phone.
He didn't take that news particularly well. One day, while my sister wasn't home, he showed up and took the boy, but he clearly wasn't in any state to actually care for him, so he ended up bringing him right back that same evening. A few months later, a friend offered my sister a place to stay in her apartment while she was traveling abroad, and my sister took the offer. My mom and I would drop by every now and then to help out with the little guy. Eventually, the husband moved in there too, though things remained incredibly strained. In the meantime, he lost his career and ended up working as a night security guard. My sister eventually moved out again, but this time she refused to let him move in with them. They had a second child a few months later, and the husband really hoped the new baby might bridge the gap and make her reconsider, but it didn't work. Then, he was deployed again, and during a weekend visit home, he took his own life. He had been struggling with depression for a while, and the PTSD from the service just pushed him over the edge.
And here is the paradox: that horrific event actually turned his mother into a better person. She became a better mother-in-law and a better grandmother—suddenly, she was a warmer, more caring individual.

Honestly, the weirdest part of this whole thing is the sister. She had a second kid with her husband, yet they’re still living separately?

It’s the same old story—mother-in-law drama and constant friction. The point should be simple: don't move in with in-laws. Most of the time, trying to share a roof just leads to massive blowouts or divorce, and it totally kills the relationship. But hey, that’s more of a topic of the day for Zud...

Yeah, but it wasn't just some random act of malice—it was more like their behavior (well, not totally radical, but still) shifted after they dealt with an illness. Their reactions got sharper, their temperament became way more pronounced... honestly, there were some real scenes, but I feel like you can justify it when someone's mental health has been compromised. There were moments where I felt genuinely uncomfortable, just sitting there thinking, "Please, just calm down so this doesn't turn into a total disaster."

Another example—and look, this is part of growing up and finding oneself, but it definitely "worsened"—that behavior which wasn't always the main thing (you know, the silly mocking, the inability to watch what they say, being rude or picking fights) just became super intense. They were around 16 or 17, and by the time they hit 25, it was incredibly obvious. It reached a point where it was just unbearable, so I had to distance myself.

I really don't buy the idea that someone in their 20s, 30s, or 40s just flips a switch and changes radically overnight. To me, it’s more that they were always like that, and the circumstances finally allowed them to show it. Maybe someone was just waiting for the right position so they could finally ride everyone else—both literally and figuratively—and be a total bully. They just didn't have the opening before.
You see it all the time—someone who has always had that "slightly mean" streak finally gets promoted to something like a store manager at a Target or a Starbucks, and suddenly they're riding everyone around. They weren't born yesterday; they've always been this way, they just finally have the platform to act on it. 😁

That second example isn't perfect since it involves someone growing up, but the first one is unfortunately tied to an illness, and you can't really hold that against someone. 🕺

There are people out there who change after a tragedy. Some people find clarity and become better versions of themselves, while others turn purely evil. But in my opinion, those are extreme cases. Nobody just undergoes a massive transformation overnight; it’s usually just something that was already simmering under the surface finally coming to light.

Matthew Castillo5's sad story😢

A close friend of mine underwent such a massive change after she got married; she basically became a full-time homemaker and now she either can't or simply won't budge from her husband's side... It's such a shame because she used to be this incredibly adventurous girl who was always traveling and out on the town, seeing everything there was to see, but now we can't even manage to grab a quick coffee together, and even when we finally do catch up, he ends up tagging along too🕺

Behavior can be changed, but character? Not so much.
I guess that’s just not something you can really switch up.

That old saying about how a wolf changes its fur but never its nature—it always feels a bit off when people try to apply it to things like alcoholism.
It’s well known that addicts tend to act like clones of one another, though I won't go through a whole list of traits here.
To him, this "nature" is just a byproduct of certain life events combined with the addiction itself. If that’s the case, then what is this unchangeable "nature" supposed to be?
It's nonsense.

"Nature" or "character"—as if it were some elusive category that defines your entire persona in the eyes of a narrow-minded observer, neatly tucked away in a box they can actually understand. ☕

Nicholas Bailey3 said:That old saying about how a wolf changes its fur but never its nature—it always feels a bit off when people try to apply it to things like alcoholism.
It’s well known that addicts tend to act like clones of one another, though I won't go through a whole list of traits here.
To him, this "nature" is just a byproduct of certain life events combined with the addiction itself. If that’s the case, then what is this unchangeable "nature" supposed to be?
It's nonsense.

"Nature" or "character"—as if it were some elusive category that defines your entire persona in the eyes of a narrow-minded observer, neatly tucked away in a box they can actually understand. ☕

I'm not quite sure how to give a smart explanation for my take on this while I'm running on an empty stomach... but let's look at it this way: if an alcoholic is like a wolf, then their "nature" would be that genetic predisposition toward addiction. That's something they can't just erase. Their "fur," on the other hand, represents the choice—whether they decide to give in and succumb to the addiction or choose to head down a completely different path. That's why some people manage to pull through while most don't; it's simply much easier to follow the path of least resistance.

Dennis Bennett28 said:I'm not quite sure how to give a smart explanation for my take on this while I'm running on an empty stomach... but let's look at it this way: if an alcoholic is like a wolf, then their "nature" would be that genetic predisposition toward addiction. That's something they can't just erase. Their "fur," on the other hand, represents the choice—whether they decide to give in and succumb to the addiction or choose to head down a completely different path. That's why some people manage to pull through while most don't; it's simply much easier to follow the path of least resistance.

So, temperament as a genetic predisposition? Sure. That stays constant—it's just incredibly difficult to spot in someone until the addiction takes over and strips away their inhibitions, making it obvious.

On the flip side, the people who actually master those predispositions end up being the pillars of their families and society—people whose character or Zud is considered phenomenal. In those cases, we can't even perceive the underlying struggle, unless we're picking up on subtle non-verbal cues...

To rephrase my initial point: what we colloquially call "character" or "Zud" is really just a label for how we experience interacting with a specific person.☕

Nicholas Bailey3 said:So, temperament as a genetic predisposition? Sure. That stays constant—it's just incredibly difficult to spot in someone until the addiction takes over and strips away their inhibitions, making it obvious.

On the flip side, the people who actually master those predispositions end up being the pillars of their families and society—people whose character or Zud is considered phenomenal. In those cases, we can't even perceive the underlying struggle, unless we're picking up on subtle non-verbal cues...

To rephrase my initial point: what we colloquially call "character" or "Zud" is really just a label for how we experience interacting with a specific person.☕

That’s my take on it too.

I suppose you could identify these traits if you had someone's birth chart handy—you can often see inclinations or predispositions for all sorts of things there, though I know how much you enjoy diving into that kind of stuff! 😁

Without those kinds of tools, yeah, you really only notice it when it becomes blatant.

Nicholas Bailey3 said:So, temperament as a genetic predisposition? Sure. That stays constant—it's just incredibly difficult to spot in someone until the addiction takes over and strips away their inhibitions, making it obvious.

On the flip side, the people who actually master those predispositions end up being the pillars of their families and society—people whose character or Zud is considered phenomenal. In those cases, we can't even perceive the underlying struggle, unless we're picking up on subtle non-verbal cues...

To rephrase my initial point: what we colloquially call "character" or "Zud" is really just a label for how we experience interacting with a specific person.☕

But those individuals—take someone who successfully battled an addiction and brought that predisposition under control—they are truly... rare. Honestly, you have to hand it to them; their strength of character is nothing short of remarkable.

Dennis Bennett28 said:That’s my take on it too.

I suppose you could identify these traits if you had someone's birth chart handy—you can often see inclinations or predispositions for all sorts of things there, though I know how much you enjoy diving into that kind of stuff! 😁

Without those kinds of tools, yeah, you really only notice it when it becomes blatant.

But those individuals—take someone who successfully battled an addiction and brought that predisposition under control—they are truly... rare. Honestly, you have to hand it to them; their strength of character is nothing short of remarkable.

Calling astrology just "psychology for housewives" ☕ makes sense... I'm not hating on it, far from it...
It’s an alternative for people who see the world through a different lens but, because of their specific totems, don't want to shape those views into anything more structured than fringe ideas or religion. At least, that's how I see it, anyway.

So, what defines "innate character"? Is it weak if you're a twenty-something alcoholic with rage issues and those classic distorted faces—basically the whole package of a bad childhood, complexes, booze, and impulsivity fueled by taking it out on your family—but then suddenly becomes "strong" once you seek help and finish rehab and psychotherapy?

Can anyone look at an alcoholic and see a "strong character" capable of defeating that monster? Not a chance...
We aren't seeing anyone's true "character."

I definitely agree that those who actually change enough for someone to rely on them are incredibly rare—most people just run from addicts, but still... ☕

Honestly? Not really...

Nicholas Bailey3 said:Calling astrology just "psychology for housewives" ☕ makes sense... I'm not hating on it, far from it...
It’s an alternative for people who see the world through a different lens but, because of their specific totems, don't want to shape those views into anything more structured than fringe ideas or religion. At least, that's how I see it, anyway.

So, what defines "innate character"? Is it weak if you're a twenty-something alcoholic with rage issues and those classic distorted faces—basically the whole package of a bad childhood, complexes, booze, and impulsivity fueled by taking it out on your family—but then suddenly becomes "strong" once you seek help and finish rehab and psychotherapy?

Can anyone look at an alcoholic and see a "strong character" capable of defeating that monster? Not a chance...
We aren't seeing anyone's true "character."

I definitely agree that those who actually change enough for someone to rely on them are incredibly rare—most people just run from addicts, but still... ☕

Usually, people like that only reach out for help when things start affecting their own bottom line or when they hit a physical breaking point—if they even bother at all. Honestly, I’d be pretty skeptical about any "reformed" individual who has twenty years of bad habits baked into their system.

To me, actual character would be someone who realizes they’ve been acting like an idiot after a short period of reflection, but not someone who spent years taking their frustrations out on children. No matter how much therapy they do later, that lack of core integrity stays with you.

Real character—the kind that actually matters—would be the person who, despite having a genetic predisposition toward it, doesn't touch a drop of alcohol. (Though, I suppose whether that counts as "character" or just discipline is its own debate.)

Dennis Bennett28 said:Usually, people like that only reach out for help when things start affecting their own bottom line or when they hit a physical breaking point—if they even bother at all. Honestly, I’d be pretty skeptical about any "reformed" individual who has twenty years of bad habits baked into their system.

To me, actual character would be someone who realizes they’ve been acting like an idiot after a short period of reflection, but not someone who spent years taking their frustrations out on children. No matter how much therapy they do later, that lack of core integrity stays with you.

Real character—the kind that actually matters—would be the person who, despite having a genetic predisposition toward it, doesn't touch a drop of alcohol. (Though, I suppose whether that counts as "character" or just discipline is its own debate.)

Agreed. After 20 years, nobody cares about your regrets, your "character," or how much you've changed once the stakes are high enough.
Especially since, interestingly enough, this sudden "change" always seems to happen right after their power has vanished out the window. I wouldn't call it a transformation—more like a weakling adapting to doing exactly what they've done their whole life: following the rules. ☕
You have some sharp insights...

Ashley Vaughn79 said:May 19th. Do you know anyone who has undergone a drastic change in character or behavior, almost as if they became a completely different person?

Actually, I do know someone like that.

A few years back, I worked with a girl... she was quiet, timid, and you could tell just by her face and body language how insecure she was, though she was genuinely kind.
No makeup, nothing colorful in her wardrobe... she was always in black.

And then it happened... I'm not even sure exactly what triggered it. 😁
She worked on herself and changed over those couple of years we were friends... but then that change went way too far.
From an insecure, shy girl, she suddenly became incredibly self-centered and—frankly—arrogant. 😕

One sunny day, we were sitting in Central Park when a plus-sized woman walked past us.
And this girl, not even five or six seconds in, goes "I’d be too embarrassed to wear white pants, but look at how much butt she has."

Man, if I didn't nearly fall over right then, I never would have. 🤣

I told her she didn't know anything about the woman who just passed us, and that maybe just a few weeks ago that woman had a much bigger butt and might actually be really attractive now.
I mean, you can't really know.
You shouldn't talk about random people passing by like that.
It's just ugly.

And honestly... I kept thinking about that girl for a long time afterward and how things turned out that way.
From being quiet and unsure to becoming so (almost) toxic and conceited.

That was my example and the first person I thought of for this question.
Feel free to share yours; I bet most of us will associate this question with someone in our own circles. 🙂

Thanks to anonymous 🙂 for the suggestion.

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This thread was spun off from 54. post from the topic of the day.

Not quite.
Most people here change at a glacial pace—it’s just how things work. 🤔

Brandon Foster7 said:She hasn't actually changed; she’s just finally saying what she’s always thought. The woman has incredibly high standards for herself and everyone else.
She’s spent her whole life dealing with her own issues, and now she’s just taking it out on people verbally. It's a textbook case of a victim turning into an aggressor.

👍
I'm seeing the same thing—it looks like displaced aggression is at play here.

Dennis Bennett28 said:I’m a firm believer in that old saying, "A leopard can change its spots, but it can't change its nature."

Sure, you can tweak a few habits or refine your style—and if you put in the actual work on yourself, you can definitely unlearn some things from your upbringing—but your core essence? That fundamental part of who you were born to be? I'm not so sure about that. 🙂

ps. I’m a total black-clothing enthusiast myself 🕺 If someone actually tried to put me in white pants—especially in the middle of winter and specifically those ankle-length ones—I think I’d forget how to walk. Plus, I'd be constantly paranoid about imaginary judgmental stares at my backside. It’s just way too easy to see whether or not someone is wearing underwear in white clothing. It's basically a tactical decision at that point! But yeah, it’s honestly pretty tacky for women to critique other women's bodies like that. Big, small... whatever. Honestly, that girl probably would have been a villain regardless of what color she was wearing.

A picture is worth a thousand words. 🤣
Any other good costume suggestions? 😁

A massive shift—it requires a significant catalyst, some kind of major upheaval in one's circumstances.
Take those stories about girls who completely lose their minds after moving from small towns to a place like New York City—it’s actually pretty logical.
A different environment—more freedom...

Linda Johnson15 said:In my opinion, it never actually happens—people just end up putting on an act to mask who they really are...
I’m not talking about growing up, obviously; you need time to find yourself as you mature...

Every change I've seen in people I know is usually just them playing a part until they finally can't hold it together anymore, or they just relax and their true self slips out...

👍

@Matthew Castillo5, he's speaking nothing but the truth—poor guy. 😲
Personally, I believe the worst thing that can happen to anyone in this life is losing a child. 🙂

Dennis Bennett28 said:That’s my take on it too.

I suppose you could identify these traits if you had someone's birth chart handy—you can often see inclinations or predispositions for all sorts of things there, though I know how much you enjoy diving into that kind of stuff! 😁

Without those kinds of tools, yeah, you really only notice it when it becomes blatant.

But those individuals—take someone who successfully battled an addiction and brought that predisposition under control—they are truly... rare. Honestly, you have to hand it to them; their strength of character is nothing short of remarkable.

Were you actually pulling birth charts, or just reading about them on some forum? 🍿

They say you’re a product of your environment, and honestly? They aren't wrong. The people around you can absolutely reshape who you are—for better or, more often, for worse.
Back when I was working as a waiter, I didn't see much difference between a regular customer and the boss when it came to picking their pockets. I remember once, I actually swiped $200 right out of the owner's wife's jacket—and I didn't feel a single shred of guilt about it.
Fast forward to today, and my life looks a bit different. Now, if I send a client a bill for $370 and they hand me a $400 bill saying "keep the change," I might actually give them that extra $30 back—but only if I feel like I actually earned it.

I also think health plays a huge role in how we evolve. Back in the day, I was easygoing, upbeat, and basically as sunny as a summer morning in California. Nothing could mess with my vibe or push me toward losing my cool or swearing at someone. Nowadays? My fuse is a hell of a lot shorter. I really miss those days. 😢