Spanking and physical discipline: what are your thoughts?

hollowscout57 said:I honestly couldn't bring myself to ever lay a hand on a child. It would feel like I was breaking some fundamental law of nature or something. To me, there’s just nothing more unnatural than someone stronger using their power to hit someone weaker.

Well, you're right; hitting someone weaker than yourself is just plain ugly. But let's face it, kids today have way too much nerve, and they have zero respect for their elders. Not in school with their teachers or professors, and certainly not at home with their parents or grandparents. They aren't afraid to raise their voices at an older person, insult them, or even get physical. Whether this is a direct result of modern parenting styles or something else entirely, I can't say for sure, but it's happening more and more often...

A little discipline never hurt anyone

Jesse Fowler said:A little discipline never hurt anyone

There are definitely plenty of different ways to handle discipline with kids.

Frank Wells said:Well, you're right; hitting someone weaker than yourself is just plain ugly. But let's face it, kids today have way too much nerve, and they have zero respect for their elders. Not in school with their teachers or professors, and certainly not at home with their parents or grandparents. They aren't afraid to raise their voices at an older person, insult them, or even get physical. Whether this is a direct result of modern parenting styles or something else entirely, I can't say for sure, but it's happening more and more often...

Exactly! But it's also because moms and grandmas just let those kids get away with hitting them and acting out like total jerks.☕

ruggedmarlin18 said:Exactly! But it's also because moms and grandmas just let those kids get away with hitting them and acting out like total jerks.☕

Kids just mimic what they see! There’s no way a little one just randomly decides to start hitting and kicking out of thin air—they definitely picked that up from the adults around them. It's just more proof that physical punishment is absolute nonsense.

I honestly can't wrap my head around the idea that my buddies actually kicked a muse or their own kids. Especially this one lady who’s a single mom—she didn't even have anyone to kick in the first place. They're just straight-up furious and frankly, they can go jump. Like, does it never cross a kid's mind to actually strike their own mother? Or someone else at daycare? Instead, these others are just practically itching to lay a hand on anyone they see.

ruggedmarlin18 said:I honestly can't wrap my head around the idea that my buddies actually kicked a muse or their own kids. Especially this one lady who’s a single mom—she didn't even have anyone to kick in the first place. They're just straight-up furious and frankly, they can go jump. Like, does it never cross a kid's mind to actually strike their own mother? Or someone else at daycare? Instead, these others are just practically itching to lay a hand on anyone they see.

I haven't read the whole thread, so I'll just weigh in on the latest comments...

My two cents: it’s because those moms and grandmas take the path of least resistance. They let things slide instead of setting firm boundaries from day one. They lose control of the situation because they never established it in the first place.

Some kids are just naturally chill and quiet, while others are more aggressive—they instinctively want to lash out or bite when things don't go their way, almost like little animals. It isn't always about mimicking adults in their environment, though it can spiral once they get older.

As adults, we have to step in right then and there so they actually learn. We need to redirect them calmly and talk to them on their level—meaning, sitting down next to them and explaining things, rather than pulling that condescending "authority" act where you hover over them and wag a finger just to show off your power.
We also have to give them the space to explain why they did what they did without being afraid.

It's just common sense.

Plain and simple: you reap what you sow.

George Davis6 said:There are definitely plenty of different ways to handle discipline with kids.

Sure, there are. That’s why guards in juvenile detention centers carry batons—so they can give kids a little affection when they start acting up.

George Davis6 said:Kids just mimic what they see! There’s no way a little one just randomly decides to start hitting and kicking out of thin air—they definitely picked that up from the adults around them. It's just more proof that physical punishment is absolute nonsense.

Not true.

George Davis6 said:Kids just mimic what they see! There’s no way a little one just randomly decides to start hitting and kicking out of thin air—they definitely picked that up from the adults around them. It's just more proof that physical punishment is absolute nonsense.

Actually, it is. Aggression is hardwired into humans. That isn't the issue—the issue is when they start using it to dominate others. And you have to teach them from childhood that they aren't allowed to do that.

hollowscout57 said:I honestly couldn't bring myself to ever lay a hand on a child. It would feel like I was breaking some fundamental law of nature or something. To me, there’s just nothing more unnatural than someone stronger using their power to hit someone weaker.

Until you see someone treating your kid with the most brutal cruelty imaginable. Then those "natural laws" of yours might shift a little... 🙂

PS: if you don't believe small children are capable of unimaginable cruelty, just say the word and I'll drop some links to videos.

briskwalker10 said:Sure, there are. That’s why guards in juvenile detention centers carry batons—so they can give kids a little affection when they start acting up.

Not true.

Actually, it is. Aggression is hardwired into humans. That isn't the issue—the issue is when they start using it to dominate others. And you have to teach them from childhood that they aren't allowed to do that.

Until you see someone treating your kid with the most brutal cruelty imaginable. Then those "natural laws" of yours might shift a little... 🙂

PS: if you don't believe small children are capable of unimaginable cruelty, just say the word and I'll drop some links to videos.

So what, we're supposed to use "eye for an eye" logic and beat kids into submission?

Quincy:

If you don't believe little kids can be unimaginably cruel, just say the word and I'll drop some links to videos.

Don't get mad at me, man, but it's a little... weird that you even know those videos exist and where to find them.

Mark Martin10 said:So what, we're supposed to use "eye for an eye" logic and beat kids into submission?

Quincy:

If you don't believe little kids can be unimaginably cruel, just say the word and I'll drop some links to videos.

Don't get mad at me, man, but it's a little... weird that you even know those videos exist and where to find them.

They shouldn't be hit.

It isn't weird. Unfortunately, the internet just shoves this kind of stuff in your face without checking if you actually want to see it. ☕

The source advocating for any specific parenting style matters deeply to me:

• If someone is just unintelligent or driven purely by emotion—and they persist in a certain type of parenting despite the fallout—they’ll be too stubborn to admit they messed up. They can't face the fact that they failed the most important little beings in the world. When people feel their ego is on the line, they tend to double down on their existing biases rather than listen to reason.

• A second unreliable source I refuse to listen to is anyone who grew up with emotionally unstable or abusive parents. I’ll volunteer myself here: my punishments depended entirely on whether my parents were having a bad day or not. It took me years to realize that. One kid was the favorite and could do no wrong, while the others were constantly under pressure. If they were angry, everything was my fault and I'd get punished multiple times a day. If they weren't (which was rare), they'd let things slide that I expected would hurt. To be honest, the psychological abuse I experienced left much deeper scars; it took years of therapy to deal with the aftermath.

The problem is that since I came from a home like that, I have no idea how healthy parents actually make decisions. I don't know what the impact would have been if there had been actual structure and love instead of chaos. I don't know if discipline would have felt earned rather than arbitrary. Neither I nor anyone else raised by unstable parents is capable of judging whether physical discipline is acceptable or not.

Worst of all, most people who dealt with parents who weren't outright monsters aren't even aware of what happened to them until much later in life when they wonder why their lives are falling apart. They stay stuck in their ways because they can't see their own bias. They write about how "logical" their views are... These people usually talk about bad "parenting methods," when they are actually describing abuse because they didn't have a name for it. Or they describe abuse and claim it's "normal" and that everyone else is "overreacting," simply because they didn't know any better.

• A third source I won't touch is any study based on a tiny sample size or a handful of participants. Likewise, I avoid any study rooted in a specific ideology or philosophy. Whether it's religious, hyper-traditionalist, neoliberal, feminist, or any other nonsense—if they hide an agenda behind psychological or sociological research, it's straight in the trash for me.

Now, since I want children and have no clue if physical discipline is ever a smart move, please take what I've said into account. Help me find a mentally sound, neutral person or study that can help me form a real opinion.
Thanks

They aren't really interested in partying, drinking, or smoking. They get along fine with their parents, but they tend to be loners. Here is a glimpse into how American teenagers are living these days...

I was watching a movie with my daughter on Friday night. Honestly, I don't know what to make of it. Is it normal for a 17-year-old girl to spend her weekend watching a movie with her dad without being forced into it?... asked a father of a 17-year-old girl—a top student at a high-end prep school in Chicago—during a recent discussion. The girl doesn't smoke, which is a huge relief for her father, a smoker, and she doesn't drink either. She has clear interests, knows exactly what she wants to major in, and works hard in school (even though she doesn't particularly like or value it) because she understands that grades matter for her future, according to USA Today. She spends most of her time online, on social media, or on YouTube, following specific topics and discussing them with friends. No boyfriend. Just a few girlfriends she grabs a soda with occasionally. She rarely goes out, and almost never stays out late.

Her father grew up in the late 80s and early 90s. His youth was a completely different world. Going out every Friday and Saturday was mandatory, and any chance during the week was taken. There was plenty of drinking, smoking, and experimenting with drugs. Every day was a battleground with his parents. Watching a movie with them on a Saturday night sounded like a nightmare. The whole goal was just to break away from the parents. My old man was strict; he’d definitely punish me if I messed up. She knows she wouldn't even get grounded, because we don't really have to discipline her. She knows there would be a conversation if she stepped out of line, but that would be it. Nothing more. I honestly don't think she's ever even had a drink, he said, nodding slowly, wondering at the end if perhaps he should talk to a professional, get some advice, and see if his child has an underlying issue he isn't aware of—or if she's simply becoming overly responsible.

Are today's kids just naturally more withdrawn because of the constant pull of technology, or is it because parenting styles have shifted so much?

Eric Newman4 said:They aren't really interested in partying, drinking, or smoking. They get along fine with their parents, but they tend to be loners. Here is a glimpse into how American teenagers are living these days...

I was watching a movie with my daughter on Friday night. Honestly, I don't know what to make of it. Is it normal for a 17-year-old girl to spend her weekend watching a movie with her dad without being forced into it?... asked a father of a 17-year-old girl—a top student at a high-end prep school in Chicago—during a recent discussion. The girl doesn't smoke, which is a huge relief for her father, a smoker, and she doesn't drink either. She has clear interests, knows exactly what she wants to major in, and works hard in school (even though she doesn't particularly like or value it) because she understands that grades matter for her future, according to USA Today. She spends most of her time online, on social media, or on YouTube, following specific topics and discussing them with friends. No boyfriend. Just a few girlfriends she grabs a soda with occasionally. She rarely goes out, and almost never stays out late.

Her father grew up in the late 80s and early 90s. His youth was a completely different world. Going out every Friday and Saturday was mandatory, and any chance during the week was taken. There was plenty of drinking, smoking, and experimenting with drugs. Every day was a battleground with his parents. Watching a movie with them on a Saturday night sounded like a nightmare. The whole goal was just to break away from the parents. My old man was strict; he’d definitely punish me if I messed up. She knows she wouldn't even get grounded, because we don't really have to discipline her. She knows there would be a conversation if she stepped out of line, but that would be it. Nothing more. I honestly don't think she's ever even had a drink, he said, nodding slowly, wondering at the end if perhaps he should talk to a professional, get some advice, and see if his child has an underlying issue he isn't aware of—or if she's simply becoming overly responsible.

Are today's kids just naturally more withdrawn because of the constant pull of technology, or is it because parenting styles have shifted so much?

Too many of them are hooked on some kind of tech. Giving a kid their own laptop is basically handing them heroin. I'm not even exaggerating. If you don't know, look up digital addiction. It's real. 🕺

Also, we're talking about a girl here... I get that men can have calmer temperaments too, but I honestly have no idea how these people would handle raising an average American boy. 🤷 I'm being serious, I actually want to know what you all think about this.

The article also includes this:

Quincy:

Children have never held such a pivotal role within the family unit, nor have they ever been so deeply involved in the decision-making processes that shape their lives. They aren't just being heard; they are being validated in ways previous generations could never imagine, fundamentally shifting the traditional family dynamic. Much of this stems from the evolving role of fathers: men today are more present in their children's lives than at any other point in history—even if they still trail behind mothers—as they move away from being strictly authoritarian figures. Consequently, that old-school sense of awe and fear once reserved for fathers is evaporating. It seems we are creating home environments where children feel no inherent need to rebel or run away, because they already possess enough autonomy and agency within the household to avoid being contrarian, unlike their parents' generation. They follow the rules not out of compulsion, but because those rules are often negotiated rather than dictated, reflecting a total shift in how modern parents view their responsibilities. Fathers are increasingly adopting the warmth and closeness traditionally associated with mothers, while mothers are stepping into the structured consistency once held by fathers. These roles are converging in a way that benefits children, according to Dr. Gordana Kuterovac Jagodić from the Department of Developmental Psychology at Harvard University, though she cautions that this is a general trend and its intensity varies wildly depending on factors like a family's socioeconomic and educational background.

And honestly, this whole technology issue isn't anything revolutionary. It’s the same logic you'd apply to ice cream: if it’s constantly available and you don't bother setting any boundaries regarding how much is consumed, you can't be surprised by the outcome. Is it really realistic to introduce kids to a digital world overflowing with infinite possibilities and then expect them to instinctively know when to pull back without guidance? Of course, the opposite extreme is just as hollow: sitting there glued to our own phones and laptops, watching TV, while telling our kids they can't even touch a screen because technology is somehow "bad"?

ruggedmarlin18 said:I honestly can't wrap my head around the idea that my buddies actually kicked a muse or their own kids. Especially this one lady who’s a single mom—she didn't even have anyone to kick in the first place. They're just straight-up furious and frankly, they can go jump. Like, does it never cross a kid's mind to actually strike their own mother? Or someone else at daycare? Instead, these others are just practically itching to lay a hand on anyone they see.

It's because some kids grow up watching their parents actually respect one another. Others don't.
When a child sees a father being allowed to insult or strike their mother, they aren't going to respect that mother—mostly because she isn't respecting herself. If she had any self-respect, she wouldn't permit that kind of behavior from a partner or from her own children.

Andrew Anderson4 said:It's because some kids grow up watching their parents actually respect one another. Others don't.
When a child sees a father being allowed to insult or strike their mother, they aren't going to respect that mother—mostly because she isn't respecting herself. If she had any self-respect, she wouldn't permit that kind of behavior from a partner or from her own children.

A good old-fashioned spanking works—those methods are tried and true. Everything else is just talk..

briskwalker10 said:A good old-fashioned spanking works—those methods are tried and true. Everything else is just talk..

You're an idiot for saying what you said. Just drop it. We all see you just love picking on people weaker than you. You're acting like such a coward here, just talking trash endlessly without any point.