People who are always "too busy

...or are my friends just total pushovers?! 🤷

It’s funny how life works—if you really want to make something happen, you find a way, but if you don't, you always find an excuse. I’ve noticed a recurring pattern with friends who are in relationships; they seem to gravitate toward other couples, almost as if being single makes you a secondary option for a social outing. Which, let’s be honest, is completely unfair! Then you have that other type—the ones who are your absolute best friends while they're single, but the second they land a partner, they suddenly act like they’re too important for everyone else. They vanish into their new lives until, inevitably, the breakup happens and they come crawling back. At the end of the day, if someone consistently can't make time for you, they aren't a true friend—you simply aren't a priority to them. And frankly? People like that just aren't worth your energy.

You’ve got this whole crowd of people who basically lose their entire identity the second they get into a relationship. It’s sad, really—like that partner is the only thing they have going for them in the world.

Then, once the breakup hits, they finally look around and realize they’ve got absolutely nobody else in their corner.

Bravo.

Honestly, there is nothing more exhausting than dealing with people who have two completely different personalities depending on whether they’re single or in a relationship. You know the type? When they’re flying solo, they’re all over you—responding to texts instantly, keeping their word, being incredibly reliable and available whenever you need them. But the second they get into a relationship, suddenly everything changes. They take hours to reply, their messages become short and dismissive, and they act like everyone else is just an inconvenience. Then, once the breakup happens, they flip right back to that first version of themselves and act genuinely shocked when you aren't running back to them the moment they call. It’s a bizarre cycle, isn't it?

It’s almost as if they think they can just drift into some kind of deep winter slumber and wake up whenever it suits them. People aren't light switches that you can just toggle on and off whenever you feel like having them around or pushing them away. At the end of the day, nobody has nothing better to do than wait around for someone who treats presence like an option rather than a commitment.

Exactly. That’s why they’re always caught off guard when things fall apart—they look around and realize there’s nobody left standing by them. Like, "Wait, what just happened?" 😁

So, what are we supposed to do with the people who get all bitter just because someone started dating? They can't wrap their heads around the fact that once you're in a relationship, you don't have as much free time to hang out anymore, so they just get pissed off at you.🍿

Everyone knows what jealousy feels like, but what do you call it when someone suddenly becomes a ghost the second they get into a relationship? Look, I get it—you aren’t going to have as much free time once you're coupled up, but there's a massive difference between scaling back your social life and completely shutting the rest of the world out. 🙂

Richard Wells said:Everyone knows what jealousy feels like, but what do you call it when someone suddenly becomes a ghost the second they get into a relationship? Look, I get it—you aren’t going to have as much free time once you're coupled up, but there's a massive difference between scaling back your social life and completely shutting the rest of the world out. 🙂

I haven't met anyone like that yet. I've heard they exist, though.🤔

I bet there are plenty of them. They get into a relationship and suddenly their entire lifestyle flips upside down overnight.

I actually have a friend who just had a baby, and we still hang out like usual. It really just comes down to how much someone can handle emotionally.

Richard Wells said:I bet there are plenty of them. They get into a relationship and suddenly their entire lifestyle flips upside down overnight.

I actually have a friend who just had a baby, and we still hang out like usual. It really just comes down to how much someone can handle emotionally.

Yeah, I believe you. I've heard it too. I always figured it happened more with younger crowds than later in life, but whatever. Every time one of my close buddies found a girlfriend, I knew I couldn't count on him to go out with me constantly anymore. It was just understood that he'd be spending more time with her, so I'd usually have to adjust my schedule around him. But for you, these kinds of shifts aren't even worth mentioning.🍿

It basically shows you where that person really stands on your priority list. It’s just something to do when you’ve got nothing better to occupy your time.

Everything in life shifts—people, circumstances, priorities... I’ve lost touch with so many people over the years that I haven't seen or heard from them in ages. Then, when our paths finally cross again, they act as if we were hanging out just yesterday, as close as we ever were. A massive amount of "communication breakdown" happens when life hits someone hard; when crises roll in, people tend to isolate themselves and drift away because they are pouring every ounce of their mental energy into survival. It isn't a personal vendetta, and it certainly doesn't mean they don't care about you or wouldn't hang out if things were different... it simply means a fundamental shift occurred that fundamentally altered the relationship. And anyone who assumes this only happens because someone "isn't a true friend" is dead wrong. Most people view everything through a self-centered lens, focusing solely on the feedback they receive. If that feedback doesn't stroke their ego, they interpret it as a personal slight. In reality, that behavior often has absolutely nothing to do with them or the friendship itself.
For instance: imagine a couple gets married, and then they have a child with significant developmental challenges... their entire world is turned upside down, and it will never be the same again. That doesn't mean they’ve forgotten their friends; it means they might not even have the capacity to talk about it because they are utterly exhausted by the battle life has forced upon them...

Sometimes, you just have to accept that a new chapter has begun, without assuming there's any malice or hostility involved. Life happens to people—it's messy, unpredictable, and sometimes brutal. And life has a way of writing those kinds of stories...

When things get rough, you reach out to a friend. Or maybe you don't. Everyone handles their own business differently, and I respect that.

But honestly, drifting apart isn't an overnight thing. It’s a slow process. You usually realize it’s happening when you finally try to find a moment to connect. There's no such thing as "never having time." People love to hide behind "priorities," but let's be real: you always make time for what you actually care about.

For me personally, once I lose touch with someone for a few months, the vibe is just gone. It never comes back. So much happens in that gap that I never got to share, and eventually, I just stop feeling the need to tell them anything. By the time we finally grab coffee, we're basically just acquaintances talking about the weather. Like I said: relationships take work. If you think they're worth it, you do the work. Anything else is just a lame excuse.

But then you have those immature types who suddenly find all the time in the world to forget everything overnight just because they found a new flame.

Andrew Doyle said:Everything in life shifts—people, circumstances, priorities... I’ve lost touch with so many people over the years that I haven't seen or heard from them in ages. Then, when our paths finally cross again, they act as if we were hanging out just yesterday, as close as we ever were. A massive amount of "communication breakdown" happens when life hits someone hard; when crises roll in, people tend to isolate themselves and drift away because they are pouring every ounce of their mental energy into survival. It isn't a personal vendetta, and it certainly doesn't mean they don't care about you or wouldn't hang out if things were different... it simply means a fundamental shift occurred that fundamentally altered the relationship. And anyone who assumes this only happens because someone "isn't a true friend" is dead wrong. Most people view everything through a self-centered lens, focusing solely on the feedback they receive. If that feedback doesn't stroke their ego, they interpret it as a personal slight. In reality, that behavior often has absolutely nothing to do with them or the friendship itself.
For instance: imagine a couple gets married, and then they have a child with significant developmental challenges... their entire world is turned upside down, and it will never be the same again. That doesn't mean they’ve forgotten their friends; it means they might not even have the capacity to talk about it because they are utterly exhausted by the battle life has forced upon them...

Sometimes, you just have to accept that a new chapter has begun, without assuming there's any malice or hostility involved. Life happens to people—it's messy, unpredictable, and sometimes brutal. And life has a way of writing those kinds of stories...

If a friend asks for space because they're going through something heavy, you don't necessarily have to just walk away. You can try to wrap your head around what they're dealing with and show up for them however you can. In times like that, a real friend is worth their weight in gold.

You’ll definitely find someone who wants to be by your side during those times. Besides, the rough patches don't stay intense forever—you'll eventually find your rhythm again.

Richard Wells said:You’ll definitely find someone who wants to be by your side during those times. Besides, the rough patches don't stay intense forever—you'll eventually find your rhythm again.

Look, people definitely need solitude, but cutting off your friends for good just because you're going through a rough patch? That's nonsense. I wouldn't let that happen if I were a real friend. Even when things suck, you've gotta find a way to grab a coffee with your buddies once in a while.🍿

Daniel Kelly57 said:Look, people definitely need solitude, but cutting off your friends for good just because you're going through a rough patch? That's nonsense. I wouldn't let that happen if I were a real friend. Even when things suck, you've gotta find a way to grab a coffee with your buddies once in a while.🍿

Look, people don't just "abandon" you. Life throws curveballs that force massive, tectonic shifts in who you are, and honestly, we’re lucky if we never have to face them. I used to work for a non-profit organization helping children with various developmental disabilities... and their parents—now that is a whole different story. When you have a child with cerebral palsy at twenty years old... your life is permanently altered. You aren't that same young person you were yesterday, and you certainly can't find humor in the same things anymore. Not to mention the endless stream of empty platitudes people throw at you... they think they're being comforting, but it's nonsense. Eventually, you realize the only people you can actually talk to are those walking the exact same path as you.

Now, if we are talking about superficial stuff—like someone falling in love and suddenly forgetting their buddies, or someone getting too busy with their "standard" lifestyle to make time for a hangout—then sure, those weren't real friendships to begin with. But even then, I don't see anything tragic about it. If someone is in a position where they can never find time for me, it simply tells me our bond wasn't solid and it was never a true friendship... and frankly, I don't waste my energy trying to maintain those kinds of connections.

Life is dynamic; it's in constant motion and flux. I’ve always believed that not every ending is a tragedy, because you can learn something from every single relationship, no matter how it turns out. And that’s perfectly fine. 👍

The most important thing is that we all know exactly who we are and what we stand for. Once you have that self-awareness, navigating life's complications and shifting relationships becomes a hell of a lot easier. 😉

Haha, oh please, let’s not call this jealousy.🤣 I have never once been jealous of guys, let alone the friends of my own friends—not even a little bit. Quite the opposite, actually! I’m simply pointing out how drastic this shift in behavior is. When people are single, they practically live off their social circles; it’s coffee here, lunch there, constant texting... you know the drill. But then they get into a serious relationship and suddenly they act like they don't need anyone else anymore. Look, we don't need to see each other every single day, or even every week, but reaching out once a month, sending a quick text, or grabbing a coffee—that’s just basic maintenance for someone you actually value.

I’ve had seasons where I was absolutely buried—juggling a demanding job while caring for a sick family member, running around in every direction imaginable—and yet, I always made sure to reply kindly to a message. If I couldn't talk right then, I’d just suggest another time. I have never just ignored someone or given them the cold shoulder just because I was "too busy." In my book, that's just not how you treat your friends.

Andrew Doyle said:Look, people don't just "abandon" you. Life throws curveballs that force massive, tectonic shifts in who you are, and honestly, we’re lucky if we never have to face them. I used to work for a non-profit organization helping children with various developmental disabilities... and their parents—now that is a whole different story. When you have a child with cerebral palsy at twenty years old... your life is permanently altered. You aren't that same young person you were yesterday, and you certainly can't find humor in the same things anymore. Not to mention the endless stream of empty platitudes people throw at you... they think they're being comforting, but it's nonsense. Eventually, you realize the only people you can actually talk to are those walking the exact same path as you.

Now, if we are talking about superficial stuff—like someone falling in love and suddenly forgetting their buddies, or someone getting too busy with their "standard" lifestyle to make time for a hangout—then sure, those weren't real friendships to begin with. But even then, I don't see anything tragic about it. If someone is in a position where they can never find time for me, it simply tells me our bond wasn't solid and it was never a true friendship... and frankly, I don't waste my energy trying to maintain those kinds of connections.

Life is dynamic; it's in constant motion and flux. I’ve always believed that not every ending is a tragedy, because you can learn something from every single relationship, no matter how it turns out. And that’s perfectly fine. 👍

The most important thing is that we all know exactly who we are and what we stand for. Once you have that self-awareness, navigating life's complications and shifting relationships becomes a hell of a lot easier. 😉

I can't even wrap my head around what that's like. But if one of my close friends went through that, I'd step up like it was happening to me. Empty clichés aren't even an option with real friends. And there's no way I'd let them spiral off into isolation because of the grief. I'd fight to be there. But if I realized my help wasn't making a dent, I'd have to accept defeat and give them space. Not without a fight, though.🍿

When people don't actually want to do something, they start hunting for excuses. It’s basically how life works.