People who are always "too busy

Andrew Doyle said:
Yes, it is officially over.
Either you learn how to hold a civil discussion without resorting to insults and belittling your interlocutor, or we are going to have ourselves a very different kind of "conversation."

If this observation rubs you the wrong way, feel free to take your grievances up with the City Water Department.

Thanks.

edit: to the rest of the members—stop the trolling.

So, not only are you applying double standards without any actual logic, but you're also being condescending and passive-aggressive.

To summarize—you hit me with two infractions based on my well-argued and unrefuted defense , yet you don't even register—let alone sanction—people who throw around quotes they can't back up while using a massive dose of passive aggression, provocation, and condescension. I maintain my level because I have a backbone—I don't let people toss around unacceptable comments at me. Like I said, I'm not some pushover who’s just going to sit there and take it like most people here, especially when I'm right.

Believe me, if this were a normal forum, an admin or mod would have been stripped of their status in a heartbeat—since neither you nor those other users have any basis for the infractions you're handing out. And then you mention the water department management just to get the last word. 🤦 Sort out your priorities regarding your role—because even though this forum is a mess, I doubt it's that hard to actually handle the "duties" you aren't performing very well.

What a ridiculous thread. There’s no such thing as people "not having time," OP. It’s just that they can't wrap their heads around you, so they use that as an excuse to dodge you because they're too polite to give you a straight rejection. Honestly, you could just call them people who lack the guts to be direct.

I think I fall into that category myself. 😁

The way I see it, it’s just personality; some people bond easily through social interaction, while others find fulfillment elsewhere.

Now, I don’t mean to sound superior, but I can’t stand that endless "recounting" of life over coffee. I honestly don't understand how people find it engaging to listen to someone drone on about their workday for ninety minutes when nothing actually happened😵—like an old lady taking a seat on the subway, my kid failing a test, my nephew getting promoted, a clerk at the grocery store being rude, a friend's boyfriend saying something specific, picking up a jacket on sale at Gap, visiting an old friend, or even just getting a rash after sitting down for coffee. I don't listen to that from my own mother, my sister, or my partner; I'm just not interested. If there is a concrete problem, tell me and we can solve it, but I have no desire to act as a therapist for someone dissecting a day where absolutely nothing of consequence occurred. I respect that everyone is different, but I don't get how some people fail to realize that not everyone finds this interesting.

It's also funny how people like that are always convinced their version of friendship is the only valid one. If you don't live life according to their script, they decide something is wrong with you—suddenly you're angry at them, or you have a problem with them, or you simply cease to exist in their eyes. They won't even consider your needs or interests if they want to be your friend; they only accept you as a friend as long as you dance to their tune. The moment you stop meeting their criteria, you're out.

I prefer spending my time alone or engaged in activities where things are actually happening—where you feel something in the present, rather than depressively ruminating on what happened two days ago.

The issue is that being this way makes me the perfect target for those who love to suffocate people with small talk. Because you aren't wasting energy listening to their constant, trivial venting, you tend to have a sharper perspective on situations. Since you aren't filling the air with your own chatter, it leaves even more space for them to talk.

Ultimately, the best way to deal with them is to invite them to do something active instead of meeting for coffee. I recommend this to anyone dealing with similar people, because they rarely care about anything other than sitting down for a drink and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, without ever stopping. 😵

You’re talking about wasted time. And yeah, you're right—plenty of people feel that way about their relationships.

But honestly, it feels like we're actually talking about the folks who just don't have any time for anyone. Period. No matter how they try to frame "hanging out."

Roger Scott17 said:I don't get why everyone is so shocked by this.
As people get older, they just stop hanging out as much—it’s nothing personal, they just don't feel the need to broadcast their business to the world anymore. If they do run into someone they know, it’s usually just a quick "Hey, how's it going?" before moving on with their day.
Real friends? Man, those are hard to find, and if you actually have one, hold onto them tight. For me, a true friend is someone I can vent to about my entire private life, knowing—without a shadow of a doubt—that everything stays between us. Are there people like that out there? Honestly, hardly anyone. Personally, I've never been the type to go digging into other people's drama anyway. And hey, if you're bored and looking for some tea, just come hang out and read the threads here 😁
. Most of my time goes to my family and relatives—the people I actually care about, who I can tell absolutely anything to, knowing they'll always have my back (and I'll have theirs).
With neighbors, it’s mostly just polite small talk about the weather or whatever.
It’s just how things are these days, I guess. We've got the internet, so we can look up literally anything we want. We don't really need to go asking people for info anymore. Google knows everything 😁

I completely agree with this post. I don't have time for certain people either; for others, I do, but I have my own priorities to manage.
I put myself first, and I balance everything else around that. Does it sound selfish? Perhaps, but at least I don't fill my life with low-quality people.
For a while, I used the "I don't have time" excuse too, but honestly, that was just a way to avoid hanging out with people who didn't resonate with me. Does that sound cowardly? Maybe, but I'd rather have peace than subject myself to a multi-hour debate with someone who doesn't even matter to me.
I don't really have any particular need to vent about my life over coffee with random people. If I grab coffee with coworkers, it happens during a work break, and even then, it doesn't always happen.
I have one childhood friend who decided to pull back from society entirely; she lives a very routine, quiet life without the constant coffee dates or social outings. But when we do see each other, our coffee dates last three hours. I respect her choice and her lifestyle.
Then I have another friend who has kids, a cat, a dog, a husband, and is running her own business, and we manage to see each other once a week. That is more than enough!
But her version of "not having time" comes with plenty of excuses. For me, personally, when I am neck-deep in work and pulled in a dozen different directions, I don't have a single atom of energy left to waste on superficial coffees or casual hangouts.
A third friend is very much like me: she hates committing to plans in advance. We've known each other for over 12 years and we practically breathe as one. We spend our time working on joint projects, attending book presentations, or going on occasional dinners and trips. I can't even remember the last time we sat down just to gossip about everything under the sun.
My conclusion is this: I make time for the right people. Maybe twice a year if nothing else comes up, but it will be quality time. If I had to commit to a coffee date every single day... well, I think I'd move to a deserted island.

Richard Wells said:You’re talking about wasted time. And yeah, you're right—plenty of people feel that way about their relationships.

But honestly, it feels like we're actually talking about the folks who just don't have any time for anyone. Period. No matter how they try to frame "hanging out."

Could there be a connection there? I mean, why on earth would someone claim they don't have the time for a relationship that actually brings them value? The whole "I don't have time" excuse is incredibly ambiguous, if you ask me. I think I already laid out my full perspective on this in my previous post above. 🙂

Look, you’ve got people who aren't actually avoiding relationships—they just can't manage their damn schedules. They fill their lives with chaos, whether it's self-inflicted or just bad luck, until they're stuck in this constant cycle of complaining and rushing. Somewhere along the line, they neglect the people who actually matter, and then everything falls apart.

For every relationship someone cuts off on purpose, there's another one that just withered away because of pure negligence or the sheer grind of daily life. We don't all handle things the same way.

I don't get the logic behind it, but it's a reality nonetheless.

Complaining about being overworked or pulling overtime is really just a roundabout way of admitting you aren't actually competent at your job. I mean, think about it—who’s going to pick up ballet faster or more efficiently, a bodybuilder or a professional dancer? A guy obsessed with his gains is probably going to grind for 14 or 15 hours a day, cursing at everyone in sight, just waiting to crash in front of the TV with a beer in hand. If you ask him to do anything else, he'll just give you the usual, "Man, I'm dead, I don't have the time." Meanwhile, a professional dancer might only need 2 or 3 hours of practice to get it right and still have plenty of energy left to grab coffee with people if they actually want to maintain those social connections.
Then you've got the exact opposite scenario, where someone is getting paid way too much for what they actually contribute. if you spend two hours of a nine-hour workday actually working, and the other seven hours just sitting around, scrolling through news sites, chatting with coworkers, or taking long lunches—well, you can claim you're "exhausted from work" all you want, but let's be honest, you didn't actually break a sweat.

Basically, everyone loves to point the finger at everyone else instead of looking in the mirror. Work becomes this convenient scapegoat used to justify a bunch of parasites who just want a free ride.

Some people just can't get their act together.

Honestly, who even goes out for coffee every single day anymore? I don’t understand why everything on this forum always seems to spiral into these extreme debates! 🙄 Back in high school, I was practically at the local Starbucks every afternoon, but nowadays? I just don't have the energy or the time for those daily social rituals. That said, I would never dream of saying that time spent with friends was wasted. It honestly breaks my heart how some people try to act superior just because they don't spend their afternoons sipping lattes—as if knowing the exact ingredients in every bar of soap makes them somehow more enlightened. Some people grab coffee, some binge Netflix, some just mindlessly scroll through Reddit, and others spend their time worrying about everyone else's business. Everyone spends their downtime however they please, and let’s be real, nobody is discovering a cure for cancer while sitting in a cafe. 🤣

I will always make time for the people who truly matter to me. Maybe it won't be right this second, but I'll definitely reach out to set something up for later. As for people I'm not close with? They aren't going to be calling me constantly, and I certainly don't feel any obligation to go out of my way for them. I simply don't make promises I don't intend to keep, and I don't give people a reason to expect more from me than I can give. It’s really as simple as that.

I run into this same nonsense day in and day out. I actually confronted one person directly about why they never have any time, and their excuse was that they come home from work completely wiped out—so there's just no energy left for anything else. That is total bullshit. This person doesn't even work weekends, for crying out loud. Look, at least once a month, you MUST carve out an hour for someone who actually matters to you. Everyone uses their "exhausting job" as a convenient shield... but the absolute worst ones are those who hide behind the "my kids and family come first" excuse.
There is a palpable sense of alienation everywhere lately.

fadedrider17 said:I run into this same nonsense day in and day out. I actually confronted one person directly about why they never have any time, and their excuse was that they come home from work completely wiped out—so there's just no energy left for anything else. That is total bullshit. This person doesn't even work weekends, for crying out loud. Look, at least once a month, you MUST carve out an hour for someone who actually matters to you. Everyone uses their "exhausting job" as a convenient shield... but the absolute worst ones are those who hide behind the "my kids and family come first" excuse.
There is a palpable sense of alienation everywhere lately.

I hear where you're coming from, and I get the frustration. Still, I believe you have to put some effort into a relationship—even if that just means grabbing a coffee once a month—but there has to be a guarantee that the meeting will actually happen. That small amount of time provides much-needed perspective for the connection. It’s honestly pathetic when only one side keeps trying to initiate plans, only to be shut down with excuses about being too busy or too tired. If those excuses keep piling up without any actual interaction happening, then the friendship has lost its purpose. You really need to move on and just write off anyone who refuses to make time.

Exactly... that’s precisely what I just did—I put it all on hold and stopped giving that person even a single thought.
But let me ask you this: how are you supposed to deal with those people who constantly promise they'll be the first to reach out once things settle down—you know, after the busy season passes, or once their workload lightens up—only to vanish into thin air and never contact you again?

Just a total lack of social life, honestly. I’ve got acquaintances, sure, but everything is just polite small talk—nothing more, nothing less.

fadedrider17 said:Exactly... that’s precisely what I just did—I put it all on hold and stopped giving that person even a single thought.
But let me ask you this: how are you supposed to deal with those people who constantly promise they'll be the first to reach out once things settle down—you know, after the busy season passes, or once their workload lightens up—only to vanish into thin air and never contact you again?

Trust me, there is absolutely no point in trying to "handle" them or take a specific stance. It’s basically like casting pearls before swine (that's a famous saying from Jesus Christ. I'm mentioning the source because the last time I wrote that, some idiot accused me of calling him a pig).
If those people actually cared, if they were emotionally invested or even possessed a shred of empathy regarding how their excuses make you feel, they would have actually made an effort. They would have followed through on that much-discussed coffee date, which serves as a small but vital link in the chain of any meaningful relationship.

So, don't waste another single second of your precious time, and don't burn a single milligram of your brainpower on them. Shift your focus immediately to the people who actually value you. If you don't have anyone like that in your life right now, then focus your energy on making new connections.

I couldn't agree more—every single point you made is spot on 🙂

James Taylor28 said:Anyone else running into this? It feels like everyone in my age group—childhood friends, old classmates, people I grew up with—suddenly has zero time for even a quick drink or a casual hangout.
For years now, I’ve been hearing the same old excuses from people who can’t spare even thirty minutes for a quick catch-up. They claim they’re too busy on Fridays, too busy on weekends, too busy during the week... summer or winter, it doesn't matter. It's always something: kids, spouses, work, money stress, mortgages, utility bills... Look, most of us have wives, kids, job pressure, and financial headaches too, but I don't see why that should make it impossible to grab a beer and actually hang out.

I often find myself short on time myself. I genuinely empathize with anyone saying they're swamped because I've lived through it. And honestly, this whole idea of needing to "chat on the fly" escapes me; usually, only people who love to whine, brag, or hunt for gossip about my life want to engage in those kinds of coffee chats just so they can spread rumors later on 🤣to anyone who will listen.
I once had a friend who spent 58 minutes of our one-hour meeting talking exclusively about herself. It was all incredibly profound stuff: what she cooked today, what she’s cooking tomorrow, what she bought, and so on. If I ever dared to share anything personal, she’d immediately turn around and criticize me based on that information. She had a husband with a steady job and she was an unburdened homemaker, while I was essentially in her husband's shoes—juggling way more responsibilities and far heavier burdens. She didn't like that dynamic, so she had to end our "wonderful" friendship 🙏🤣
It feels to me like she would be the exact type of person to write an opening post like that😁.

Hahaha, I ran into this one woman the other day who’s spent months claiming she "just doesn't have the time" for me, and yet, there she was! I actually tried to look the other way, hoping she wouldn't spot me because I just wasn't in the mood for a confrontation right then. But no, she comes charging up, hugging me and kissing my cheeks like we’re supposed to be best friends or something.😵 Then comes the usual nonsense—trying to pin me down for coffee this weekend, talking a mile a minute like she’s been rehearsing a monologue. I gave her a quick goodbye and hopped onto the subway, only to find her following right behind me, sitting down next to me, and just... rambling on.🤦 To top it all off, she sends me a text later asking why I'm being so cold and distant toward her.🤦 Honestly, I just don't get the logic. If you tell someone you're too busy to hang out, that means you aren't interested in spending time together, right? So why go through all the theatrics and empty chatter? It’s honestly just pathetic.👎

Hypocrisy. Classic.

I don't really mind if someone gives me a ring in the middle of the night, honestly. It just gets a little awkward when my phone starts blowing up with multiple calls all at once. When you're hanging out or just trying to connect with people, the whole point is to keep things chill, right? At the end of the day, communication shouldn't be a source of stress.