I think I might be a pedophile. Help?!

Michael Diaz6 said:The longer you wait, the more weight you give this, and eventually, you'll trick your own subconscious into believing the lie.
Stop overthinking it and just say it out loud:
"I am not a predator, and I never will be."
Face the fear head-on.
Just don't turn it into some massive drama because the mind is a tricky thing.
It's like if a guy genuinely believes he's pregnant—his body can actually start mimicking pregnancy symptoms.
If you believe you're going to get sick... you will.
(That’s why you see those health nuts who live perfectly clean lives end up hitting the ICU—they're obsessed with staying healthy because they're terrified, just like you.)

Let it go...
Don't dwell on it; it's dangerous territory.
Stop making it a huge deal.
Your brain belongs to you, and yeah, it’s going to throw weird stuff at you sometimes.
Seriously...
WATCH WHAT YOU THINK 70% OF THE TIME—because that becomes your reality.

That is absolutely correct. If I tell myself right now, "Don't think about a giraffe," my brain is going to fixate on that giraffe relentlessly. And if I start worrying that I'm becoming obsessed with that giraffe, my brain will start sending me false signals that I actually *am* obsessed. It's because when I look at the giraffe, my mind starts racing toward sexual imagery, and suddenly I've convinced myself I'm aroused by the animal, when really, it's just the thought pattern itself.
Okay... as usual, I am overthinking things and writing far too much. 😁
The issue is that once I let something take root in my head, I become obsessive and start imagining things. If you start convincing yourself that you're attracted to a television set, you'll genuinely feel like you are. Once that passes, being near a TV feels perfectly normal again...

Our thoughts are such a convoluted, messy thing. They can be so deceptive. Everyone deals with negative thoughts, but the difference is that most people don't attach any weight to them. But this feels different. I just want to be able to act normally around children, just like I did before. My fear is that if I try to force normalcy, I'll trigger that "false signal" response where my brain tells me, 😈"Wait, what if seeing a child actually excites you right now?"

I often find myself in situations where my brain just starts firing off these nonsensical signals and obsessive loops.

Donna White50 always hits the nail on the head. I was actually wondering the same thing—maybe it isn't even about being gay.

They say every big shift starts with a simple change in how you think.
Life is pretty easy to manage and build if you just control your headspace... whatever you spend most of your day thinking ABOUT eventually becomes your reality.
If I look at someone's life, I can tell you exactly what's going on in their mind.

Keeping those thoughts in check is the hardest part, but also the easiest once you figure out the trick.
Positive affirmations really are a game changer.

Michael Diaz6 said:The longer you wait, the more weight you give this, and eventually, you'll trick your own subconscious into believing the lie.
Stop overthinking it and just say it out loud:
"I am not a predator, and I never will be."
Face the fear head-on.
Just don't turn it into some massive drama because the mind is a tricky thing.
It's like if a guy genuinely believes he's pregnant—his body can actually start mimicking pregnancy symptoms.
If you believe you're going to get sick... you will.
(That’s why you see those health nuts who live perfectly clean lives end up hitting the ICU—they're obsessed with staying healthy because they're terrified, just like you.)

Let it go...
Don't dwell on it; it's dangerous territory.
Stop making it a huge deal.
Your brain belongs to you, and yeah, it’s going to throw weird stuff at you sometimes.
Seriously...
WATCH WHAT YOU THINK 70% OF THE TIME—because that becomes your reality.

It doesn't really work like that, though... He’s spending all his energy trying to convince himself he isn't, but deep down he's wondering why he keeps obsessing over it if he isn't—why it takes such a toll on him, why those thoughts and images keep popping up if they aren't true...
He needs to realize that these associations are just a symptom of an anxiety disorder—basically, the brain likes to trip itself up with these intrusive thoughts. He's gotta tell himself, "Okay, even if I were, life goes on. Plenty of people deal with this, they get help, and they move forward. I've overcome plenty of things in my life, so I can handle this too..." He has to find peace with that thought just to make the fear fade away. Honestly, the fact that the whole "I'm not a pedophile" mantra feels like a lie is what's actually killing him... he just can't bring himself to admit it. If he could just accept that he has OCD, that these thoughts are just a side effect of being sick, then maybe by accepting them, he could lower the tension and make the associations stop. The more you fight it, the bigger the fear gets...

I'd like to build on the previous post here.

graniteeagle3 said:That is absolutely correct. If I tell myself right now, "Don't think about a giraffe," my brain is going to fixate on that giraffe relentlessly. And if I start worrying that I'm becoming obsessed with that giraffe, my brain will start sending me false signals that I actually *am* obsessed. It's because when I look at the giraffe, my mind starts racing toward sexual imagery, and suddenly I've convinced myself I'm aroused by the animal, when really, it's just the thought pattern itself.
Okay... as usual, I am overthinking things and writing far too much. 😁
The issue is that once I let something take root in my head, I become obsessive and start imagining things. If you start convincing yourself that you're attracted to a television set, you'll genuinely feel like you are. Once that passes, being near a TV feels perfectly normal again...

Our thoughts are such a convoluted, messy thing. They can be so deceptive. Everyone deals with negative thoughts, but the difference is that most people don't attach any weight to them. But this feels different. I just want to be able to act normally around children, just like I did before. My fear is that if I try to force normalcy, I'll trigger that "false signal" response where my brain tells me, 😈"Wait, what if seeing a child actually excites you right now?"

I often find myself in situations where my brain just starts firing off these nonsensical signals and obsessive loops.

You need to change your lifestyle. You've got way too much downtime for all this nonsense—you gotta find stuff to do that actually tires your body out and keeps your mind busy. Work, hanging out with friends, hobbies, reading, learning something new... basically anything just so you aren't sitting there alone with your own head...
If it doesn't get better, you might have to see someone at Apple.

Donna White50 said:This whole loop you're stuck in sounds like a textbook case of OCD. You aren't a pedophile. Also, it might be worth looking into your sexual orientation—are you absolutely sure you're gay?
Since you've been struggling to figure out your sexuality for years, it makes sense that there are lingering insecurities and frustrations messing with your head. That frustration, combined with compulsive thoughts and depression, basically clears a path for this disorder. It seems like this fear popped up—this dread that your sexuality might take an unexpected turn—and because "pedophile" is such a terrifying, deviant label, your mind latched onto it. Now you're just stuck in a loop, obsessing from sunrise to sunset, searching for reasons why you are one and reasons why you aren't...
It’s incredibly draining. Look, seeing children as vulnerable beings naturally triggers protective instincts in us, but you've twisted those protective feelings into sexual attraction (which isn't true), and now you're hunting for evidence to prove you're a pedophile. If you go looking for trouble, you're going to find it. Maybe during a fantasy, a random image of a child flashed through your mind by accident, it triggered the fear, and now it's just swirling around inside you constantly...
The usual way to deal with OCD is to try and accept whatever it is you're most afraid of. If you're scared of being a pedophile, try accepting the *thought* that you are. Once you lean into the worst-case scenario, the fear usually loses its grip.
There are also plenty of people who live in fear of being gay. Even if they aren't emotionally or sexually attracted to men, that underlying anxiety and discomfort can easily get confused with arousal when they see someone of the same sex, which just feeds the fear cycle. So, I'd suggest re-evaluating your sexuality—have you had sex with guys or girls, and which one did you actually enjoy more?

For instance, in your post, you spent sentence after sentence describing your fears of being a pedophile, even though you've never actually harmed a child. You're essentially bombarding yourself with these thoughts day and night, and it's a vicious cycle. First, the thought itself is frustrating, then the fact that you can't escape it becomes the problem. The more you fight that reality, the stronger it gets, until you end up in a psych ward because you just can't function anymore...

So, acceptance—try to imagine that you *are* a pedophile and you'll see the fear start to fade on its own. Stop labeling yourself with these obsessive thoughts; just realize they are ONLY OBSESSIONS IN YOUR HEAD. Your brain is playing games with you, inventing horror stories, but that isn't who you are. If you can't handle it, go straight to a psychologist for therapy and treatment...

A quick question: do you use porn, and could there be a link between that and your fear of being gay or a pedophile? Also, have you run into any issues sexually—like masochism, trouble enjoying sex, issues with masturbation, reaching orgasm, or just staying focused on your fantasies...?

You can read a bit more about NATO here if you're interested:
http://www.vaspsiholog.com/2014/03/h...oremecaj-hokp/

Thanks for the post—you really nailed everything you wrote there. Truly excellent work.
I find myself agreeing with that sentiment—it really does seem like we’re looking at a NATO issue here. It’s one of those situations where you start peeling back the layers, much like when I was trying to figure out why my old car wouldn't start back in Chicago, and you realize the core problem is something far more structural than it first appears. Everything keeps pointing back to them.
I truly cannot fathom how anyone could attempt to draw a direct line between pornography and pedophilia—it simply doesn't hold water. It’s one of those logical leaps that people make when they aren't looking at the actual facts—though I suppose it's easy to get swept up in the moral panic of the moment. In my experience, conflating two entirely different things is rarely productive—it just muddies the waters and prevents any real, nuanced conversation from happening. To suggest they are inherently linked is, frankly, a massive stretch.
It’s been happening lately—where I'll be in the middle of masturbating and these intrusive, unwanted thoughts just start flooding in. It's quite disruptive. There are moments where I'll actually start feeling aroused, only to have my interest completely vanish—just an abrupt "turn off," if you will. It ends up making the whole experience feel rather dull and unfulfilling.
Now that I’ve found myself caught up in all of this—honestly, I don't even have the energy to want it anymore...
And I haven't been in a relationship, nor have I had any sexual experiences, with either gender.

Donna White50 said:You need to change your lifestyle. You've got way too much downtime for all this nonsense—you gotta find stuff to do that actually tires your body out and keeps your mind busy. Work, hanging out with friends, hobbies, reading, learning something new... basically anything just so you aren't sitting there alone with your own head...
If it doesn't get better, you might have to see someone at Apple.

Wait, what is Apple?

graniteeagle3 said:That is absolutely correct. If I tell myself right now, "Don't think about a giraffe," my brain is going to fixate on that giraffe relentlessly. And if I start worrying that I'm becoming obsessed with that giraffe, my brain will start sending me false signals that I actually *am* obsessed. It's because when I look at the giraffe, my mind starts racing toward sexual imagery, and suddenly I've convinced myself I'm aroused by the animal, when really, it's just the thought pattern itself.
Okay... as usual, I am overthinking things and writing far too much. 😁
The issue is that once I let something take root in my head, I become obsessive and start imagining things. If you start convincing yourself that you're attracted to a television set, you'll genuinely feel like you are. Once that passes, being near a TV feels perfectly normal again...

Our thoughts are such a convoluted, messy thing. They can be so deceptive. Everyone deals with negative thoughts, but the difference is that most people don't attach any weight to them. But this feels different. I just want to be able to act normally around children, just like I did before. My fear is that if I try to force normalcy, I'll trigger that "false signal" response where my brain tells me, 😈"Wait, what if seeing a child actually excites you right now?"

I often find myself in situations where my brain just starts firing off these nonsensical signals and obsessive loops.

Give this method a shot...

Sometimes I’ll just be sitting there, listening to a track or watching some documentary or movie...
Man, I honestly feel like breaking down and crying over this too.
I feel the same way. The more I push myself, the more it actually pays off—even at my day job. 😂

Then I just lost it... and told myself, "Go ahead, you idiot, pay up since you're clearly out of your mind."
And then I just couldn't bring myself to pay them anymore. 🤣

I’m telling you, I actually broke down crying too—and it hit me way harder just because of how they suspended him.

Maybe try getting a little mad at yourself for a second. Next time, just force yourself to sit there, look at your kid, and let your mind wander. Just be present.
The craving will disappear instantly if you aren't some kind of creep. You’ll start feeling sick to your stomach immediately. Honestly, you can take off all those ridiculous rose-colored glasses yourself when you're acting this stupid. You don't need anyone else to do it for you.
If you realize there’s zero resistance and you’re actually kind of digging it...
So you're basically admitting you're a pedophile then? You've got those urges, and if that's the case...
Doc.

You eventually have to stand up to whatever's been haunting you. Usually, it happens right when you're already completely burnt out.
Then you just plant your feet and charge straight at it.

Facing your fears is pretty much the only way you're actually going to get past them.

Donna White50 said:It doesn't really work like that, though... He’s spending all his energy trying to convince himself he isn't, but deep down he's wondering why he keeps obsessing over it if he isn't—why it takes such a toll on him, why those thoughts and images keep popping up if they aren't true...
He needs to realize that these associations are just a symptom of an anxiety disorder—basically, the brain likes to trip itself up with these intrusive thoughts. He's gotta tell himself, "Okay, even if I were, life goes on. Plenty of people deal with this, they get help, and they move forward. I've overcome plenty of things in my life, so I can handle this too..." He has to find peace with that thought just to make the fear fade away. Honestly, the fact that the whole "I'm not a pedophile" mantra feels like a lie is what's actually killing him... he just can't bring himself to admit it. If he could just accept that he has OCD, that these thoughts are just a side effect of being sick, then maybe by accepting them, he could lower the tension and make the associations stop. The more you fight it, the bigger the fear gets...

I also fear that if I run into a child on the street or see one in a photo, I might start feeling attracted to them. That I might start "feeling" something. Because it happens to me... not with kids, right now, but there was a period where I genuinely thought I was a zoophile. And even though I'm not—I am 100% certain of that now—it actually happened during that phase where I would feel a genuine attraction to an animal. I remember once, while petting a dog, it felt as if I were truly becoming attracted to it. O.o
I'm losing my mind, I know it...☕

Michael Diaz6 said:Give this method a shot...

Sometimes I’ll just be sitting there, listening to a track or watching some documentary or movie...
Man, I honestly feel like breaking down and crying over this too.
I feel the same way. The more I push myself, the more it actually pays off—even at my day job. 😂

Then I just lost it... and told myself, "Go ahead, you idiot, pay up since you're clearly out of your mind."
And then I just couldn't bring myself to pay them anymore. 🤣

I’m telling you, I actually broke down crying too—and it hit me way harder just because of how they suspended him.

Maybe try getting a little mad at yourself for a second. Next time, just force yourself to sit there, look at your kid, and let your mind wander. Just be present.
The craving will disappear instantly if you aren't some kind of creep. You’ll start feeling sick to your stomach immediately. Honestly, you can take off all those ridiculous rose-colored glasses yourself when you're acting this stupid. You don't need anyone else to do it for you.
If you realize there’s zero resistance and you’re actually kind of digging it...
So you're basically admitting you're a pedophile then? You've got those urges, and if that's the case...
Doc.

You eventually have to stand up to whatever's been haunting you. Usually, it happens right when you're already completely burnt out.
Then you just plant your feet and charge straight at it.

Facing your fears is pretty much the only way you're actually going to get past them.

As for what you said about the fantasies—I can tell you right now that as soon as the thought even crosses my mind, I find it repulsive. I immediately try to change course so I don't think about it; it's so revolting that I don't even want to dwell on it. At least I am certain about that part.😁
It's just... like I mentioned, I'm afraid it will start attracting me—that if I touch or even imagine a child, I'll become aroused. o.O
And then, if I do get aroused, my brain starts screaming: "See? You're a pedophile."
So, honestly, I'm terrified of intimacy because I'm scared these thoughts will surface during sex...
And then... if it ever happens that I feel an attraction toward a child (which hasn't happened so far),
I'll start wondering: Is this because I am one, or is this just a false sensation I've manufactured in my own head? And it goes in circles, and circles, and circles... it just never ends.

Once you get past the phase of pedophilia or zoophilia, something else will pop up—maybe necrophilia or even incestuous thoughts.
What you’re dealing with are classic symptoms of OCD. There is no reason to worry; you aren't going to assault a child or an animal. People with OCD never act on their intrusive thoughts.

You aren't a predator.
You just have a dirty mind.
You'd probably love some seriously intense, kinky stuff in bed.
Find a partner you can actually trust with your fantasies.
Deep down, you're into CNC stuff.
So just ask your boyfriend to roleplay that kind of scenario with you...
You've got some heavy kinks.
Once you start exploring this with someone who truly gets you at your core, you'll look back and realize how much you were overthinking it. You might even feel silly for worrying so much.

What you really need is a friend who knows you well enough that you can share your darkest thoughts without feeling judged.

Lawrence Anderson19 said:Once you get past the phase of pedophilia or zoophilia, something else will pop up—maybe necrophilia or even incestuous thoughts.
What you’re dealing with are classic symptoms of OCD. There is no reason to worry; you aren't going to assault a child or an animal. People with OCD never act on their intrusive thoughts.

The zoophilia thoughts have passed, much like the ones involving incest did. Now, the only thing left is necrophilia.
But it feels like the fear itself is what feeds the cycle—I realize that intellectually, I know these are just intrusive thoughts, yet there is this persistent, nagging unrest in my mind that keeps whispering: "But what if they aren't?"

Right now, I find myself terrified that if I even brush against a child or catch their eye, I'll suddenly feel an attraction. And if that happens... what then?

graniteeagle3 said:The zoophilia thoughts have passed, much like the ones involving incest did. Now, the only thing left is necrophilia.
But it feels like the fear itself is what feeds the cycle—I realize that intellectually, I know these are just intrusive thoughts, yet there is this persistent, nagging unrest in my mind that keeps whispering: "But what if they aren't?"

Right now, I find myself terrified that if I even brush against a child or catch their eye, I'll suddenly feel an attraction. And if that happens... what then?

oh man...
damnnnn.
Seriously though, you just need to find a guy who will satisfy all your—well, YOUR specific kinks. As long as it's just between the two of you, nobody else is getting hurt.

Let him play dead, then go to town...
you know how it is...
yeah...

Problem solved.

Just find a guy like that.

Michael Diaz6 said:oh man...
damnnnn.
Seriously though, you just need to find a guy who will satisfy all your—well, YOUR specific kinks. As long as it's just between the two of you, nobody else is getting hurt.

Let him play dead, then go to town...
you know how it is...
yeah...

Problem solved.

Just find a guy like that.

I'm not quite sure why you'd think that? Why would he need to play dead when I haven't exactly been having any necrophilia fantasies up until now? :P

graniteeagle3 said:I'm not quite sure why you'd think that? Why would he need to play dead when I haven't exactly been having any necrophilia fantasies up until now? :P

What do you mean "you haven't"? What are you even talking about here
"The only thing left is necrophilia."

Look, just play dead. Relax, stay still, and if you actually get an erection, then you lost. Then he's the corpse and you're just... well...

Go ahead and pretend he's your brother since incest used to turn you on too.

You guys are all freaks.🤣

And I guess all gay guys are just like you...

Michael Diaz6 said:You aren't a predator.
You just have a dirty mind.
You'd probably love some seriously intense, kinky stuff in bed.
Find a partner you can actually trust with your fantasies.
Deep down, you're into CNC stuff.
So just ask your boyfriend to roleplay that kind of scenario with you...
You've got some heavy kinks.
Once you start exploring this with someone who truly gets you at your core, you'll look back and realize how much you were overthinking it. You might even feel silly for worrying so much.

What you really need is a friend who knows you well enough that you can share your darkest thoughts without feeling judged.

I’ve got some seriously dirty thoughts that drive me crazy—until I actually try to make them happen. Then it’s usually just tears... because imagination is one thing, but real life is a whole different beast...😁

graniteeagle3 said:The zoophilia thoughts have passed, much like the ones involving incest did. Now, the only thing left is necrophilia.
But it feels like the fear itself is what feeds the cycle—I realize that intellectually, I know these are just intrusive thoughts, yet there is this persistent, nagging unrest in my mind that keeps whispering: "But what if they aren't?"

Right now, I find myself terrified that if I even brush against a child or catch their eye, I'll suddenly feel an attraction. And if that happens... what then?

So you're really out here hitting us up on a Saturday afternoon, huh...
Man, you’re honestly just terrified of your own sexuality—you’re carrying around this massive amount of guilt over nothing more than some random fantasies... you've got yourself all wound up and repressed, your libido is basically non-existent, and now you're gonna try to claim you're going after kids? Give me a break...
Look, just stop messing with everything—seriously, just leave it alone. Between all those unanswered questions, the constant anxiety, that feeling of being stuck, and all that guilt... it’s no wonder you're feeling this way. Honestly? Your biggest issue isn't what's happening around you, it's that you won't just give yourself a break and you're overthinking every single little thing...🤣

Michael Diaz6 said:What do you mean "you haven't"? What are you even talking about here
"The only thing left is necrophilia."

Look, just play dead. Relax, stay still, and if you actually get an erection, then you lost. Then he's the corpse and you're just... well...

Go ahead and pretend he's your brother since incest used to turn you on too.

You guys are all freaks.🤣

And I guess all gay guys are just like you...

Your posts have actually made me laugh a few times before, but this? This isn't funny at all.
I was being honest when I mentioned having had thoughts regarding incest or zoophilia—that necrophilia is the one thing I haven't experienced yet. But honestly, it's just something that's still on my list.
To be perfectly clear, I am not actually attracted to incest or necrophilia.
Don't try to mess with my head—it's hard enough dealing with my own self-deprecation without you jumping in.🙂🙂

Donna White50 said:I’ve got some seriously dirty thoughts that drive me crazy—until I actually try to make them happen. Then it’s usually just tears... because imagination is one thing, but real life is a whole different beast...😁

So you're really out here hitting us up on a Saturday afternoon, huh...
Man, you’re honestly just terrified of your own sexuality—you’re carrying around this massive amount of guilt over nothing more than some random fantasies... you've got yourself all wound up and repressed, your libido is basically non-existent, and now you're gonna try to claim you're going after kids? Give me a break...
Look, just stop messing with everything—seriously, just leave it alone. Between all those unanswered questions, the constant anxiety, that feeling of being stuck, and all that guilt... it’s no wonder you're feeling this way. Honestly? Your biggest issue isn't what's happening around you, it's that you won't just give yourself a break and you're overthinking every single little thing...🤣

Hahahahah, I'm actually tearing up laughing while typing this. Someone might actually think I'm the one with those kinds of fantasies.🤣
Damnnn.

I've got my share of dirty thoughts too, but I wouldn't do half that stuff in a million years.

graniteeagle3 said:Your posts have actually made me laugh a few times before, but this? This isn't funny at all.
I was being honest when I mentioned having had thoughts regarding incest or zoophilia—that necrophilia is the one thing I haven't experienced yet. But honestly, it's just something that's still on my list.
To be perfectly clear, I am not actually attracted to incest or necrophilia.
Don't try to mess with my head—it's hard enough dealing with my own self-deprecation without you jumping in.🙂🙂

Whatever, man... if it's just a fantasy, anything goes.
You just gotta realize it's a dirty little fantasy you're into... not some actual sickness.

Actual sickos don't have doubts... they know exactly what they want.