I think I might be a pedophile. Help?!

George Cook said:Does it ever feel awkward when you’re around kids, knowing the inevitable questions from others are coming? "When are you getting married?" or "When are you having kids?" You start anticipating the pressure before they even open their mouths.

It hits differently when you realize that if you're gay, the path to parenthood is often limited to adoption rather than biology.

🤔

It isn't that...
It used to get under my skin quite a bit—honestly, it still irritates me whenever someone asks when I'm going to tie the knot—but these days, I just don't let it weigh on me like I used to.

Reading what you wrote, I’d say it’s highly unlikely you’re actually a pedophile. The core issue here seems to be that your brain is playing far too much with "forbidden" thoughts. Mental loops can happen at any level—like when you're walking down a sidewalk and trying your hardest not to step on a crack. Eventually, the compulsion becomes so strong you feel like you *can't* step on it, and suddenly that thought is running the show. Honestly, if you could just tell yourself firmly, "Stop being an idiot," it would all vanish. With a topic like this, though, it's harder because we're dealing with a massive social taboo. We're all occasionally drawn to controversial or shocking ideas—especially sexual ones—and those thoughts stick easily, particularly if your brain is used to idling, just passively absorbing mindless junk from the internet, Facebook, or sensationalist headlines on CNN. I’d suggest meditation to learn how to manage your thought patterns, along with some honest soul-searching. Maybe you used to view homosexuality as something deviant, and now you're re-evaluating other controversial things that might be on your list.
Thoughts like these aren't out of the ordinary, and it's actually healthy that you can verbalize them. If someone runs away from them or tries to suppress them, things can escalate in a destructive way and end up hurting others. All because they got spooked by passing, perverse thoughts and tried to bury them. So, just be honest and brave with yourself. Ask where these thoughts are coming from; tell yourself truthfully what you're feeling. You don't need to recount every detail to us, but if you realize these fleeting thoughts have turned into obsessive ones (which I assume you want to avoid), just accept them. When they hit, tell yourself: "This is just a bad moment." It doesn't define who I am as a person; it's just a glitch where my brain is messing with me.

I'd also recommend getting out into the real world more (not that you don't have a life, but still). These kinds of thoughts usually strike when you're home alone, spiraling into nonsense. That's when you're most vulnerable, feeling too weak to fight back against the intrusive thoughts, even though you're actually stronger than them overall.

graniteeagle3 said:I also fear that if I run into a child on the street or see one in a photo, I might start feeling attracted to them. That I might start "feeling" something. Because it happens to me... not with kids, right now, but there was a period where I genuinely thought I was a zoophile. And even though I'm not—I am 100% certain of that now—it actually happened during that phase where I would feel a genuine attraction to an animal. I remember once, while petting a dog, it felt as if I were truly becoming attracted to it. O.o
I'm losing my mind, I know it...☕

I honestly think what you’re actually terrified of is love itself—you know, the act of showing emotion or being affectionate—and you’re somehow blurring the lines between those feelings and sexual arousal. It’s perfectly normal to get this positive, happy, emotional rush in your brain when you’re petting a dog... which I guess you’re confusing with sexual excitement. I don't know, I'm probably just rambling here.😁

Richard Rodriguez17 said:I honestly think what you’re actually terrified of is love itself—you know, the act of showing emotion or being affectionate—and you’re somehow blurring the lines between those feelings and sexual arousal. It’s perfectly normal to get this positive, happy, emotional rush in your brain when you’re petting a dog... which I guess you’re confusing with sexual excitement. I don't know, I'm probably just rambling here.😁

Well, I get it. I always feel this surge of positivity whenever I see an animal and start petting it or playing around with it. And children—honestly, I've always loved kids. They were dear to me, sweet, funny... I used to love patting a child on the head. But now... now it feels like a total disaster. If I even let myself think about it, I start fearing that I might be some kind of potential predator.
I really don't understand why these things happen to someone like me.
Here I am—someone who is quiet, kind, reserved, and who has genuinely loved children my whole life—yet I find myself wondering if I'm a pedophile?
I truly can't wrap my head around what's happening to me...
I can't even begin to describe the flood of thoughts that hit me at the mere suggestion that I might be a pedophile. Thoughts that my entire life would be over, that I would become a pariah and end up hating myself. And then there's this latest thought—😁this fear that pedophilia will eventually become "normal" to me, that I'll just get used to it like it's nothing. I'm terrified of that possibility too. There isn't an end to what I'm afraid of; if I started listing them all, I wouldn't finish by tomorrow. I feel like I'm the very last person on Earth who should be having these kinds of intrusive thoughts. I have always been so careful around children, they've always been precious to me, and I still feel absolute revulsion when I hear about anyone abusing a child—it still does, even today.
I'm just not clear on myself anymore—good grief, haha... I never dreamed something like this could happen to me, yet here we are.

I didn't go through every single page because—well, there are just so many... what I can tell you is to try and breathe, relax, and maybe do a little digging into Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353443

Quoting here:
"7. Unwanted sexual thoughts

Much like the fear of violent imagery, intrusive sexual thoughts frequently surface for those living with OCD. These thoughts are typically inappropriate and touch upon various sexual taboos, such as imagining pedophilic acts or bestiality."

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) might be able to help you out... medications like Prozac, Zoloft, and things of that nature... please, just head over to a psychiatrist without any hesitation—be completely honest with them—and don't worry about a thing, because you aren't broken at all, you're going to be fine!!

Brenda Moore6 said:I didn't go through every single page because—well, there are just so many... what I can tell you is to try and breathe, relax, and maybe do a little digging into Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353443

Quoting here:
"7. Unwanted sexual thoughts

Much like the fear of violent imagery, intrusive sexual thoughts frequently surface for those living with OCD. These thoughts are typically inappropriate and touch upon various sexual taboos, such as imagining pedophilic acts or bestiality."

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) might be able to help you out... medications like Prozac, Zoloft, and things of that nature... please, just head over to a psychiatrist without any hesitation—be completely honest with them—and don't worry about a thing, because you aren't broken at all, you're going to be fine!!

Man, if only I could scrape enough money together (since I'm currently unemployed) to head straight to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I’d lay it all out for them—every single thought, every fear, everything I'm going through, just in alphabetical order. And believe me, I have quite a lot to say.
I actually had one rather unpleasant experience once with a psychiatrist who just sat there, totally silent and seemingly uninterested.
But then again, finding a decent psychiatrist isn't exactly easy either.
I just know it’s going to take a massive amount of courage to say all this to someone face-to-face. But, I suppose I'll just have to force myself to do it somehow.
Thanks for the reply; honestly, even before I started this thread a while back, I had a feeling I was dealing with OCD. I suspect a doctor will tell me the exact same thing.

Brenda Moore6 said:I didn't go through every single page because—well, there are just so many... what I can tell you is to try and breathe, relax, and maybe do a little digging into Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353443

Quoting here:
"7. Unwanted sexual thoughts

Much like the fear of violent imagery, intrusive sexual thoughts frequently surface for those living with OCD. These thoughts are typically inappropriate and touch upon various sexual taboos, such as imagining pedophilic acts or bestiality."

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) might be able to help you out... medications like Prozac, Zoloft, and things of that nature... please, just head over to a psychiatrist without any hesitation—be completely honest with them—and don't worry about a thing, because you aren't broken at all, you're going to be fine!!

Honestly, if I could just scrape together enough money—since I'm currently between jobs—I'd head straight to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I'll tell them everything—every single thought, every fear, every little thing happening to me—basically an alphabetical list of my struggles. And believe me, there is plenty to talk about.
I did have one rather uncomfortable experience once with a psychiatrist who just sat there, completely indifferent and seemingly uninterested in what I had to say.
But then again, finding a good doctor isn't exactly easy.
I just know it’s going to take a massive amount of courage to sit across from someone and say all this face-to-face. But, I suppose I'll just have to find a way to push through it.
Thanks for the response; actually, even before I started this thread a while back, I had a feeling I was dealing with OCD. I suspect a psychiatrist will tell me the same thing.

graniteeagle3 said:Honestly, if I could just scrape together enough money—since I'm currently between jobs—I'd head straight to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I'll tell them everything—every single thought, every fear, every little thing happening to me—basically an alphabetical list of my struggles. And believe me, there is plenty to talk about.
I did have one rather uncomfortable experience once with a psychiatrist who just sat there, completely indifferent and seemingly uninterested in what I had to say.
But then again, finding a good doctor isn't exactly easy.
I just know it’s going to take a massive amount of courage to sit across from someone and say all this face-to-face. But, I suppose I'll just have to find a way to push through it.
Thanks for the response; actually, even before I started this thread a while back, I had a feeling I was dealing with OCD. I suspect a psychiatrist will tell me the same thing.

You don't even need to worry about the money; just get a referral from your doctor and go talk to someone. There's really no reason to be scared of a psychiatrist—that's their whole job, helping people. This sounds like classic OCD and nothing else, which is actually good news, right? 👍

Brenda Moore6 said:You don't even need to worry about the money; just get a referral from your doctor and go talk to someone. There's really no reason to be scared of a psychiatrist—that's their whole job, helping people. This sounds like classic OCD and nothing else, which is actually good news, right? 👍

Of course it's good news—I honestly wish it were that simple to hear 😁
I'm not sure how things work elsewhere, but here in the States, you end up paying for everything regardless—whether it's a public clinic or a private practice, the costs just keep piling up.

I haven't read anything else besides your initial post, but I feel compelled to mention that this entire situation strikes me as a textbook case of OCD. I cannot say for certain whether it is or isn't, but that is my impression. That being said, reading through your words makes me realize that my own struggles with OCD can be somewhat overwhelming, so if you wouldn't mind, I would appreciate the opportunity to chat via private message.

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Sent from my Galaxy Tab A using Reddit

Brandon Johnson13 said:I haven't read anything else besides your initial post, but I feel compelled to mention that this entire situation strikes me as a textbook case of OCD. I cannot say for certain whether it is or isn't, but that is my impression. That being said, reading through your words makes me realize that my own struggles with OCD can be somewhat overwhelming, so if you wouldn't mind, I would appreciate the opportunity to chat via private message.

.

Sent from my Galaxy Tab A using Reddit

Well, for me, the thoughts just seem to line up one after another. They pop up constantly—it’s like mushrooms appearing after a rainstorm. As soon as one old thought settles, a new one takes its place. I tend to overanalyze things, which inevitably leads me to start questioning myself—and once I start, there's a whole mountain of questions to climb.
Feel free to reach out in my inbox whenever you feel like talking.