I think I might be a pedophile. Help?!

OP... I think you might be getting a little carried away here... though, I suppose that’s just my two cents.🤷

Donna White50 said:This whole loop you're stuck in sounds like a textbook case of OCD. You aren't a pedophile. Also, it might be worth looking into your sexual orientation—are you absolutely sure you're gay?
Since you've been struggling to figure out your sexuality for years, it makes sense that there are lingering insecurities and frustrations messing with your head. That frustration, combined with compulsive thoughts and depression, basically clears a path for this disorder. It seems like this fear popped up—this dread that your sexuality might take an unexpected turn—and because "pedophile" is such a terrifying, deviant label, your mind latched onto it. Now you're just stuck in a loop, obsessing from sunrise to sunset, searching for reasons why you are one and reasons why you aren't...
It’s incredibly draining. Look, seeing children as vulnerable beings naturally triggers protective instincts in us, but you've twisted those protective feelings into sexual attraction (which isn't true), and now you're hunting for evidence to prove you're a pedophile. If you go looking for trouble, you're going to find it. Maybe during a fantasy, a random image of a child flashed through your mind by accident, it triggered the fear, and now it's just swirling around inside you constantly...
The usual way to deal with OCD is to try and accept whatever it is you're most afraid of. If you're scared of being a pedophile, try accepting the *thought* that you are. Once you lean into the worst-case scenario, the fear usually loses its grip.
There are also plenty of people who live in fear of being gay. Even if they aren't emotionally or sexually attracted to men, that underlying anxiety and discomfort can easily get confused with arousal when they see someone of the same sex, which just feeds the fear cycle. So, I'd suggest re-evaluating your sexuality—have you had sex with guys or girls, and which one did you actually enjoy more?

For instance, in your post, you spent sentence after sentence describing your fears of being a pedophile, even though you've never actually harmed a child. You're essentially bombarding yourself with these thoughts day and night, and it's a vicious cycle. First, the thought itself is frustrating, then the fact that you can't escape it becomes the problem. The more you fight that reality, the stronger it gets, until you end up in a psych ward because you just can't function anymore...

So, acceptance—try to imagine that you *are* a pedophile and you'll see the fear start to fade on its own. Stop labeling yourself with these obsessive thoughts; just realize they are ONLY OBSESSIONS IN YOUR HEAD. Your brain is playing games with you, inventing horror stories, but that isn't who you are. If you can't handle it, go straight to a psychologist for therapy and treatment...

A quick question: do you use porn, and could there be a link between that and your fear of being gay or a pedophile? Also, have you run into any issues sexually—like masochism, trouble enjoying sex, issues with masturbation, reaching orgasm, or just staying focused on your fantasies...?

You can read a bit more about NATO here if you're interested:
http://www.vaspsiholog.com/2014/03/h...oremecaj-hokp/

That was the very first question that crossed my mind when I started reading the original post.☕

Michael Diaz6 said:It’s kind of awkward to suggest this to a new partner
"Hey... why don't you play the angry CEO and I'll be the lazy employee getting disciplined"

You feel me?

I should probably write a book that's basically a social game—you know, group style—filled with all that dirty stuff...
Then you just go to a guy and say, "Oh, I got this for my birthday, wanna play?"
Whatever side we pick, we gotta follow the rules.

See what I mean?
It's just... you wouldn't want to ruin the vibe, and you aren't even that type of guy. It never even crossed your mind, you innocent soul..

I don't really follow...🤔 I mean, I'm not sure what part of that is considered awkward...🙂

If you aren't suggesting what you actually want to your partner, then what exactly are you proposing?☕

graniteeagle3 said:So, you're suggesting that some pedophiles are actually intimidated by kids? And you honestly think there's a chance that *I* am one of them?
What if my frustration isn't sexual? What if even after trying everything you suggested, nothing changes?

Man, you aren't a predator, relax.
If you were, you wouldn't be writing long essays on an American forum; you'd be looking for ways to get close to children and making excuses for it, rather than avoiding them entirely.😲

graniteeagle3 said:But could this stop happening once the OCD passes and those thoughts are gone?
Your answers are, as always, fantastic. Thank you so much.👍

Nah, what you're feeling right now is strictly because of the OCD. Once you finally get your head straight regarding all that nonsense, you won't be spiraling like this anymore—or at least, you'll learn how to spot the pattern and just stop giving it any weight. Right now, you're totally caught up in the drama... you're living in a movie, man. Spending from sunrise to sunset exhausting your brain like that... honestly, anyone sane would lose their mind if they spent that much energy obsessing over the same thing over and over...
I've been through the ringer myself—depression, anxiety, panic attacks, even some pretty gnarly phobias over nothing, plus OCD tied to phobias and sexuality. So yeah, I know exactly what this feels like, which is why I'm talking to you like this...😉

I wanted to say thank you all for your posts. You truly are wonderful people!
I am feeling much, much better now 🙏
I’m going to do my absolute best—really give it my all—to arm myself with positive thoughts... and just try not to give any weight to those obsessive thoughts when they drift through my mind. It’s really just about ignoring them, isn't it?

graniteeagle3 said:I wanted to say thank you all for your posts. You truly are wonderful people!
I am feeling much, much better now 🙏
I’m going to do my absolute best—really give it my all—to arm myself with positive thoughts... and just try not to give any weight to those obsessive thoughts when they drift through my mind. It’s really just about ignoring them, isn't it?

Well, that’s easy enough to say... just like how you ignore politicians, degenerates, and the scum of society... how you ignore corruption, the mob, murders, assaults, fraud, lies, wars, slavery, famine, poverty, even cannibalism... I guess it's all possible to just look the other way.☕

Have you actually pulled it off? 😉

Good luck with that! 👍

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Well, that’s easy enough to say... just like how you ignore politicians, degenerates, and the scum of society... how you ignore corruption, the mob, murders, assaults, fraud, lies, wars, slavery, famine, poverty, even cannibalism... I guess it's all possible to just look the other way.☕

Have you actually pulled it off? 😉

Good luck with that! 👍

I will succeed. I won't back down.😁
It is simply because I possess this rather obsessive—and admittedly peculiar—mindset; one that seems specifically wired to find ways to irritate me, or perhaps to drive me toward an obsession with certain matters.
Thank you...

Author, if you ever decide to make the trek to Tibet... that’s where our true wisdom resides. It existed long before our civilization, and it will remain long after we're gone...
What you're actually experiencing is just a chaotic cocktail of distorted perceptions and societal pressures—labels slapped on by a culture drowning in paranoia and fears rooted in pure ignorance.
The US is certainly more advanced than Pakistan, but we still have such a massive gap to bridge before we can truly claim the collective consciousness of a fully developed society...

Samuel Price6 said:Author, if you ever decide to make the trek to Tibet... that’s where our true wisdom resides. It existed long before our civilization, and it will remain long after we're gone...
What you're actually experiencing is just a chaotic cocktail of distorted perceptions and societal pressures—labels slapped on by a culture drowning in paranoia and fears rooted in pure ignorance.
The US is certainly more advanced than Pakistan, but we still have such a massive gap to bridge before we can truly claim the collective consciousness of a fully developed society...

I’m sorry, but I didn't quite follow what you were getting at here.🙄
Here is the crux of my struggle right now. The folks on this forum have been incredibly helpful—really, they have—but now I'm facing a new hurdle.
My fear is what happens when the symptoms subside—when the OCD finally lets go of me. I worry that once the intrusive thoughts pass, if I were to simply look at or even accidentally brush against a child, I might experience some sort of physical response—some kind of sexual stimulation—and then I would genuinely start to believe I am a pedophile. What if the OCD passes, but the reaction remains?
That is the part that haunts me... the idea that the obsession fades, but the actual sensation occurs..

Are you running some kind of social experiment here to see how people react if you claim to be a pedophile? Just so you know, you can't really "think" you are or aren't one—it's not some sort of mental state where you can sit there observing your own thoughts thinking about whether or not you're thinking those things. You either are or you aren't, and you definitely aren't. But hey, it’s pretty obvious you just love messing around for no reason...

Seriously, go see a psychiatrist tomorrow and tell them you think you're a pedophile. I'd love to see what they do with that.

Total waste of time.

Joseph Jones2 said:Are you running some kind of social experiment here to see how people react if you claim to be a pedophile? Just so you know, you can't really "think" you are or aren't one—it's not some sort of mental state where you can sit there observing your own thoughts thinking about whether or not you're thinking those things. You either are or you aren't, and you definitely aren't. But hey, it’s pretty obvious you just love messing around for no reason...

Seriously, go see a psychiatrist tomorrow and tell them you think you're a pedophile. I'd love to see what they do with that.

Total waste of time.

I am not conducting an experiment. It is just my own brain playing tricks on me—it has always had a bit of a mischievous streak, I suppose. I have no intention of seeing a psychiatrist. And honestly, I am not quite sure why you are getting so worked up about this right now? If my posts bother you, then perhaps it would be best to simply look the other way.

Look, I wasn't even worked up about this at first. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty chill right now. But you? You're out here acting like you're in a total crisis—I mean, that's literally what your headline says, you're asking for help. Well, newsflash: I already gave it to you. Maybe I was a little blunt or came on too strong, but you just aren't seeing it because you're choosing to stay in this headspace. It seems like, for some reason, staying stressed actually works for you.

Honestly, I think your whole "cure" boils down to one thing: you just need to get some manual labor in. You know, get your hands dirty and actually work with your body so that—as you put it—your brain finally stops messing with you. That’s really all you need, and honestly? Nothing else.

So, you’ve basically diagnosed yourself with "my brain just loves messing with me," and honestly? I get it. I really do. It’s like there's a tiny, mischievous little gremlin living in your head just waiting for the perfect moment to throw a wrench in your gears. But hey, if you think the cure for that mental chaos is just getting out there and doing some actual, honest-to-god physical labor, I'm not gonna argue with you. Sometimes you just gotta sweat it out to quiet the noise.

And hey, don't forget that old saying—idle hands are the devil's workshop. Honestly, I’d suggest finding some actual work to do; I bet it would do wonders for clearing your head and helping you move past this whole obsession with being a predator.

Joseph Jones2 said:Look, I wasn't even worked up about this at first. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty chill right now. But you? You're out here acting like you're in a total crisis—I mean, that's literally what your headline says, you're asking for help. Well, newsflash: I already gave it to you. Maybe I was a little blunt or came on too strong, but you just aren't seeing it because you're choosing to stay in this headspace. It seems like, for some reason, staying stressed actually works for you.

Honestly, I think your whole "cure" boils down to one thing: you just need to get some manual labor in. You know, get your hands dirty and actually work with your body so that—as you put it—your brain finally stops messing with you. That’s really all you need, and honestly? Nothing else.

So, you’ve basically diagnosed yourself with "my brain just loves messing with me," and honestly? I get it. I really do. It’s like there's a tiny, mischievous little gremlin living in your head just waiting for the perfect moment to throw a wrench in your gears. But hey, if you think the cure for that mental chaos is just getting out there and doing some actual, honest-to-god physical labor, I'm not gonna argue with you. Sometimes you just gotta sweat it out to quiet the noise.

And hey, don't forget that old saying—idle hands are the devil's workshop. Honestly, I’d suggest finding some actual work to do; I bet it would do wonders for clearing your head and helping you move past this whole obsession with being a predator.

Well, it’s true—I have an enormous amount of free time on my hands. I'm not employed right now, nor am I in college. So, I just spend the entire day idling around the house, wondering what to do, and in the end, I still don't know. It gets incredibly boring.
But the thing is—even when I actually have things to do or when I am working—my brain still messes with me. That's just how it functions, haha. I don't know how to explain it properly, but there is this tendency for it to just wait until something comes along that I can become obsessed with, or something that makes me imagine I am this or that. Even when I'm busy with work.

graniteeagle3 said:Well, it’s true—I have an enormous amount of free time on my hands. I'm not employed right now, nor am I in college. So, I just spend the entire day idling around the house, wondering what to do, and in the end, I still don't know. It gets incredibly boring.
But the thing is—even when I actually have things to do or when I am working—my brain still messes with me. That's just how it functions, haha. I don't know how to explain it properly, but there is this tendency for it to just wait until something comes along that I can become obsessed with, or something that makes me imagine I am this or that. Even when I'm busy with work.

I get it, man. I can see exactly what you're going through, which is why I gave you the advice I did.

graniteeagle3 said:I’m sorry, but I didn't quite follow what you were getting at here.🙄
Here is the crux of my struggle right now. The folks on this forum have been incredibly helpful—really, they have—but now I'm facing a new hurdle.
My fear is what happens when the symptoms subside—when the OCD finally lets go of me. I worry that once the intrusive thoughts pass, if I were to simply look at or even accidentally brush against a child, I might experience some sort of physical response—some kind of sexual stimulation—and then I would genuinely start to believe I am a pedophile. What if the OCD passes, but the reaction remains?
That is the part that haunts me... the idea that the obsession fades, but the actual sensation occurs..

It doesn't just vanish on its own. This is an illness that requires treatment from professionals. It isn't a phase that comes and goes; it is a psychological disorder. That question about what happens when the OCD "passes" is actually part of the OCD itself—the dark thoughts, the foreboding, the panic attacks, and the constant speculation. Self-doubt and intense questioning are core components of OCD. Over time, the specific fear regarding pedophilia will likely fade, but a different fear will take its place. It is a continuous cycle.

Lawrence Anderson19 said:It doesn't just vanish on its own. This is an illness that requires treatment from professionals. It isn't a phase that comes and goes; it is a psychological disorder. That question about what happens when the OCD "passes" is actually part of the OCD itself—the dark thoughts, the foreboding, the panic attacks, and the constant speculation. Self-doubt and intense questioning are core components of OCD. Over time, the specific fear regarding pedophilia will likely fade, but a different fear will take its place. It is a continuous cycle.

I certainly realize it’s a vicious cycle that keeps spinning back around. I assume you're suggesting that OCD doesn't simply disappear.
But I wanted to pose this specific question because it’s been weighing heavily on my mind today—just one of those things I can't stop ruminating on.
If the OCD were to pass, and I no longer felt like a pedophile, but then I found myself near a child and experienced sexual arousal just by looking or if I accidentally brushed against them—would that mean I actually *am* one? Because, given how things have been going lately... 🤔
I know I've probably been a bit of a bore to you all—really, I do apologize—but it's hard when my brain refuses to stop asking these questions. This is the final one.

I’m telling you, those questions are what if fundamental components of your business plan. If you didn't have a plan, you wouldn't be asking them in the first place.

Lawrence Anderson19 said:I’m telling you, those questions are what if fundamental components of your business plan. If you didn't have a plan, you wouldn't be asking them in the first place.

I realize this is technically against the community guidelines—and I truly mean to respect the rules here—but I find myself needing to ask... when these intrusive thoughts regarding pedophilia cross my mind, is that actually happening to me? It’s a heavy thing to carry, and I just wanted to reach out and see if others have experienced this kind of mental interference.

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Well, that’s easy enough to say... just like how you ignore politicians, degenerates, and the scum of society... how you ignore corruption, the mob, murders, assaults, fraud, lies, wars, slavery, famine, poverty, even cannibalism... I guess it's all possible to just look the other way.☕

Have you actually pulled it off? 😉

Good luck with that! 👍

Personally, I find the whole mess of politicians, those lowlifes, and the general dregs of humanity absolutely gut-wrenching.
The corruption drives me straight to the brink of insanity—not to mention the organized crime, the killings, the rapes, the fraud,
the constant lying, the endless wars, the starvation, the poverty, the sheer depravity of cannibalism... it's all too much. It’s been over a year now where I haven't been able to get more than five hours of sleep at a time because my mind won't shut up about it.
It’s truly exhausting. 😢

Does it ever feel awkward when you’re around kids, knowing the inevitable questions from others are coming? "When are you getting married?" or "When are you having kids?" You start anticipating the pressure before they even open their mouths.

It hits differently when you realize that if you're gay, the path to parenthood is often limited to adoption rather than biology.

🤔

Guy's just bored—so he's being a total jerk.

graniteeagle3 said:Go ahead then—keep laughing and finding your little joy in someone else's misfortune.😁