I think I might be a pedophile. Help?!

Donna White50 said:I’ve got some seriously dirty thoughts that drive me crazy—until I actually try to make them happen. Then it’s usually just tears... because imagination is one thing, but real life is a whole different beast...😁

So you're really out here hitting us up on a Saturday afternoon, huh...
Man, you’re honestly just terrified of your own sexuality—you’re carrying around this massive amount of guilt over nothing more than some random fantasies... you've got yourself all wound up and repressed, your libido is basically non-existent, and now you're gonna try to claim you're going after kids? Give me a break...
Look, just stop messing with everything—seriously, just leave it alone. Between all those unanswered questions, the constant anxiety, that feeling of being stuck, and all that guilt... it’s no wonder you're feeling this way. Honestly? Your biggest issue isn't what's happening around you, it's that you won't just give yourself a break and you're overthinking every single little thing...🤣

Alright then...

Michael Diaz6 said:Whatever, man... if it's just a fantasy, anything goes.
You just gotta realize it's a dirty little fantasy you're into... not some actual sickness.

Actual sickos don't have doubts... they know exactly what they want.

Go ahead then—keep laughing and finding your little joy in someone else's misfortune.😁

graniteeagle3 said:Go ahead then—keep laughing and finding your little joy in someone else's misfortune.😁

😁 I’ve already cooked up a thousand dirty little schemes😂
If this were a real PDF, it'd be a joke...
😁

Michael Diaz6 said:😁 I’ve already cooked up a thousand dirty little schemes😂
If this were a real PDF, it'd be a joke...
😁

You really seem to be enjoying my struggle here... It honestly feels like you might be a bit of a sadist😁

It’s kind of awkward to suggest this to a new partner
"Hey... why don't you play the angry CEO and I'll be the lazy employee getting disciplined"

You feel me?

I should probably write a book that's basically a social game—you know, group style—filled with all that dirty stuff...
Then you just go to a guy and say, "Oh, I got this for my birthday, wanna play?"
Whatever side we pick, we gotta follow the rules.

See what I mean?
It's just... you wouldn't want to ruin the vibe, and you aren't even that type of guy. It never even crossed your mind, you innocent soul..

Michael Diaz6 said:Hahahahah, I'm actually tearing up laughing while typing this. Someone might actually think I'm the one with those kinds of fantasies.🤣
Damnnn.

I've got my share of dirty thoughts too, but I wouldn't do half that stuff in a million years.

So wait, if you aren't going all out, how exactly are you handling things down there? lol...🤣
Hahaha...
The guy's just messing with us—I asked him when he last hooked up and he totally dodged the question, which pretty much tells you everything you need to know...🍿

Donna White50 said:So wait, if you aren't going all out, how exactly are you handling things down there? lol...🤣
Hahaha...
The guy's just messing with us—I asked him when he last hooked up and he totally dodged the question, which pretty much tells you everything you need to know...🍿

I'm not joking... well, not entirely.
What I meant was... I haven't been in a relationship, nor have I had sex with anyone, regardless of gender.

Donna White50 said:So wait, if you aren't going all out, how exactly are you handling things down there? lol...🤣
Hahaha...
The guy's just messing with us—I asked him when he last hooked up and he totally dodged the question, which pretty much tells you everything you need to know...🍿

You really asked him "when was the last time you had sex"?
Maybe he can't answer because he's doing it right this second. 😂

He isn't joking around, I just turned the topic into a joke myself, though it wasn't entirely a joke..
By acting like he's "not serious," I'm basically taking the weight out of what he's saying so he realizes how ridiculous he sounds...
and eventually he'll stop.

It's actually more like therapy than a joke...
I guess I just realized he’s already in treatment. 😁

graniteeagle3 said:I'm not joking... well, not entirely.
What I meant was... I haven't been in a relationship, nor have I had sex with anyone, regardless of gender.

Oh wow... so you're innocent?
And man... you're getting played by someone who knows what they're doing...
Just chill out.
You'll be fine.
Stop overthinking it.

Michael Diaz6 said:You really asked him "when was the last time you had sex"?
Maybe he can't answer because he's doing it right this second. 😂

He isn't joking around, I just turned the topic into a joke myself, though it wasn't entirely a joke..
By acting like he's "not serious," I'm basically taking the weight out of what he's saying so he realizes how ridiculous he sounds...
and eventually he'll stop.

It's actually more like therapy than a joke...
I guess I just realized he’s already in treatment. 😁

I can tell you right now that the treatment is working. As much as you've irritated me by turning this entire discussion into a farce and refusing to take things seriously, 😁 you've actually improved my mood enough that, even if only for a fleeting second, I am not thinking about it.

graniteeagle3 said:The zoophilia thoughts have passed, much like the ones involving incest did. Now, the only thing left is necrophilia.
But it feels like the fear itself is what feeds the cycle—I realize that intellectually, I know these are just intrusive thoughts, yet there is this persistent, nagging unrest in my mind that keeps whispering: "But what if they aren't?"

Right now, I find myself terrified that if I even brush against a child or catch their eye, I'll suddenly feel an attraction. And if that happens... what then?

Go see a psychiatrist. They will explain what's going on and prescribe medication that should help you feel better.

Lawrence Anderson19 said:Go see a psychiatrist. They will explain what's going on and prescribe medication that should help you feel better.

I have no interest in taking drugs. And frankly—and I mean this quite sincerely—I don't think a psychiatrist would even be able to grasp the nature of this particular issue if I were to tell them.

graniteeagle3 said:I'm not joking... well, not entirely.
What I meant was... I haven't been in a relationship, nor have I had sex with anyone, regardless of gender.

But then how can you really know who you're attracted to? And you mentioned struggling with accepting that you're gay...🤔
Like, what specifically draws you to guys versus girls—both physically and emotionally? How long have men been on your radar? Are your fantasies strictly one-way, or do they involve both?
Look, since you tend to overthink things and deal with OCD, it’s super easy to run into sexuality issues that haven't been fully worked through. Without actual physical experience, you aren't really seeing the full picture of how it plays out or which way you lean more... right now, it's all just happening in your head, and we both know how wild the imagination can get...

Just something to chew on. Unresolved questions about your sexuality, combined with unaddressed stuff or past heartbreaks, can seriously mess with how you perceive your own identity. Sexuality is such a massive spectrum—hardly anyone is purely one thing or the other; most people fall somewhere in the middle. Even if you identify as gay, it doesn't mean you won't have certain fantasies or find the opposite sex attractive at times, and vice versa. It's a pretty fluid and interesting thing...

It might actually be worth grabbing a session with a therapist to talk this through...

graniteeagle3 said:I have no interest in taking drugs. And frankly—and I mean this quite sincerely—I don't think a psychiatrist would even be able to grasp the nature of this particular issue if I were to tell them.

Whatever you were planning to tell a psychiatrist, they have heard it a hundred times already. Don't waste your energy worrying about shocking them or feeling ashamed.

Donna White50 said:But then how can you really know who you're attracted to? And you mentioned struggling with accepting that you're gay...🤔
Like, what specifically draws you to guys versus girls—both physically and emotionally? How long have men been on your radar? Are your fantasies strictly one-way, or do they involve both?
Look, since you tend to overthink things and deal with OCD, it’s super easy to run into sexuality issues that haven't been fully worked through. Without actual physical experience, you aren't really seeing the full picture of how it plays out or which way you lean more... right now, it's all just happening in your head, and we both know how wild the imagination can get...

Just something to chew on. Unresolved questions about your sexuality, combined with unaddressed stuff or past heartbreaks, can seriously mess with how you perceive your own identity. Sexuality is such a massive spectrum—hardly anyone is purely one thing or the other; most people fall somewhere in the middle. Even if you identify as gay, it doesn't mean you won't have certain fantasies or find the opposite sex attractive at times, and vice versa. It's a pretty fluid and interesting thing...

It might actually be worth grabbing a session with a therapist to talk this through...

How can you even know if you're straight before you've ever been intimate? It all comes down to attraction, not necessarily just who you happen to have sex with. There are plenty of straight guys who have experimented with the same sex, and plenty of gay guys who have slept with women. But there is a massive difference between curiosity, experimentation, and genuine, core attraction.
As for me, I always knew I was gay; I've always been drawn to men, while I felt completely indifferent toward women. They just didn't move me.
It's just that I only admitted it to myself much later—but then again, that isn't surprising. Between the social pressures, family expectations, and just general peer groups... well, most gay Americans face that same hurdle.
The truth is, the imagination can conjure anything, but a fantasy is just a fantasy. At the end of the day, you just *know*.. Haha, please don't try to confuse me further on this matter 🤣
Up until now, men have only attracted me sexually; none of them, emotionally speaking—though that makes sense, since I haven't been close to any of them, and you need a relationship for that kind of connection. Once you enter a relationship, that's when the emotional pull really happens.
Women—nothing at all.
If we're talking about fantasies involving the opposite sex, it usually involves some handsome guy and a girl in the scenario. That's about it..
But honestly, it isn't a problem for me anymore.. I know I'm gay, and I've made peace with it. Even if I discover later that I'm bisexual, hey, that just means more options for me 👍

But this is what is weighing on me most heavily right now... I was out running in the park earlier, and I found myself facing my fears. I acted perfectly normal around the children. I felt somewhat relaxed—well, "relaxed-unrelaxed," if that makes sense. I wasn't anxious, I didn't feel bad.. I simply looked at the kids and went about my business.
But as I was heading back, my OCD kicked in again, making me worry that I would start imagining perverse thoughts about children in my head. Even though, to this point, I haven't done that.

graniteeagle3 said:How can you even know if you're straight before you've ever been intimate? It all comes down to attraction, not necessarily just who you happen to have sex with. There are plenty of straight guys who have experimented with the same sex, and plenty of gay guys who have slept with women. But there is a massive difference between curiosity, experimentation, and genuine, core attraction.
As for me, I always knew I was gay; I've always been drawn to men, while I felt completely indifferent toward women. They just didn't move me.
It's just that I only admitted it to myself much later—but then again, that isn't surprising. Between the social pressures, family expectations, and just general peer groups... well, most gay Americans face that same hurdle.
The truth is, the imagination can conjure anything, but a fantasy is just a fantasy. At the end of the day, you just *know*.. Haha, please don't try to confuse me further on this matter 🤣
Up until now, men have only attracted me sexually; none of them, emotionally speaking—though that makes sense, since I haven't been close to any of them, and you need a relationship for that kind of connection. Once you enter a relationship, that's when the emotional pull really happens.
Women—nothing at all.
If we're talking about fantasies involving the opposite sex, it usually involves some handsome guy and a girl in the scenario. That's about it..
But honestly, it isn't a problem for me anymore.. I know I'm gay, and I've made peace with it. Even if I discover later that I'm bisexual, hey, that just means more options for me 👍

But this is what is weighing on me most heavily right now... I was out running in the park earlier, and I found myself facing my fears. I acted perfectly normal around the children. I felt somewhat relaxed—well, "relaxed-unrelaxed," if that makes sense. I wasn't anxious, I didn't feel bad.. I simply looked at the kids and went about my business.
But as I was heading back, my OCD kicked in again, making me worry that I would start imagining perverse thoughts about children in my head. Even though, to this point, I haven't done that.

Just asking. If you know for sure who you're attracted to, then it's totally fine.
That OCD loop is going to hit you a lot. Every time you feel down or get lost in your thoughts, it’ll come back. Your job is to just ignore it... stay mindful of how you handled things today without any issues, and know you'll do the same in the future. If a problem pops up, you'll handle it just like you always have. After working on yourself for a few months, it should fade away...
I'm attracted to women and I'm married, but I love to daydream about all sorts of things, so having fantasies isn't exactly rare for me.

Donna White50 said:Just asking. If you know for sure who you're attracted to, then it's totally fine.
That OCD loop is going to hit you a lot. Every time you feel down or get lost in your thoughts, it’ll come back. Your job is to just ignore it... stay mindful of how you handled things today without any issues, and know you'll do the same in the future. If a problem pops up, you'll handle it just like you always have. After working on yourself for a few months, it should fade away...
I'm attracted to women and I'm married, but I love to daydream about all sorts of things, so having fantasies isn't exactly rare for me.

So, yeah... that's the thing about OCD returning. It can always crawl back in the moment you start overthinking.
I have a question...
Is it possible that when you're dealing with OCD, you might feel some sort of physical attraction toward something you aren't actually attracted to? For instance, it didn't happen to me in that specific way, but back when I was struggling with thoughts about animals or family members—which, again, I don't actually desire—there was this sense of... well, arousal. There were even instances of an erection, despite the fact that there was zero actual attraction involved.
I realize how strange this sounds to say out loud... but is it possible?
That is exactly what scares me—the fear that if I'm near children, I might experience an erection, even though that has never happened before. But I do know that during the period when I was plagued by those inappropriate thoughts regarding animals or relatives... it went from mere stimulation to a full physical response.
Could it be that once the OCD finally passes, something like that won't happen anymore? Like, if I were to hug a child, for example, and it wouldn't even cross my mind to worry about such a reaction?

graniteeagle3 said:So, yeah... that's the thing about OCD returning. It can always crawl back in the moment you start overthinking.
I have a question...
Is it possible that when you're dealing with OCD, you might feel some sort of physical attraction toward something you aren't actually attracted to? For instance, it didn't happen to me in that specific way, but back when I was struggling with thoughts about animals or family members—which, again, I don't actually desire—there was this sense of... well, arousal. There were even instances of an erection, despite the fact that there was zero actual attraction involved.
I realize how strange this sounds to say out loud... but is it possible?
That is exactly what scares me—the fear that if I'm near children, I might experience an erection, even though that has never happened before. But I do know that during the period when I was plagued by those inappropriate thoughts regarding animals or relatives... it went from mere stimulation to a full physical response.
Could it be that once the OCD finally passes, something like that won't happen anymore? Like, if I were to hug a child, for example, and it wouldn't even cross my mind to worry about such a reaction?

Yeah, when you've got OCD, your brain treats you like a little kid. Since you're constantly thinking about these things in a sexual context, you can end up having fantasies about kids, or whatever else your OCD is fixated on. It's just like how if you imagine certain food, you can almost taste it, smell it, or crave it... similarly, you can pull all sorts of stuff into sexual fantasies, and of course, you can get stimulated—and then naturally, you might misinterpret that stimulation as arousal and get an erection.
So basically, an erection isn't proof that you're attracted to kids, it's just that you're sexually triggered and hypersensitive to stimulation.
Getting an erection doesn't mean you're going to attack a child, just like men aren't going to attack a woman just because she triggers sexual thoughts or an erection.
Just look at how intense and irrational your fear is... did you go out and assault some boy just because you got turned on? Think about it... your mind is playing these brutal, totally irrational games with you.
You aren't a pedophile. If you're feeling some kind of "devilish" sensation that you're interpreting as arousal, that's just anxiety. If you happen to get an erection, it's not because of the kids, it's because you're totally hyper-focused on the sexual sensations you're feeling and you're experiencing arousal based on that...

I could write a whole novel about this, honestly. Because of this stuff, OCD is incredibly hard on patients—it can literally drive you insane. People with OCD disorders end up scrubbing their houses for days because they're terrified of germs, or avoiding men because they're scared they might be gay... it's just that kind of crap...

Donna White50 said:Yeah, when you've got OCD, your brain treats you like a little kid. Since you're constantly thinking about these things in a sexual context, you can end up having fantasies about kids, or whatever else your OCD is fixated on. It's just like how if you imagine certain food, you can almost taste it, smell it, or crave it... similarly, you can pull all sorts of stuff into sexual fantasies, and of course, you can get stimulated—and then naturally, you might misinterpret that stimulation as arousal and get an erection.
So basically, an erection isn't proof that you're attracted to kids, it's just that you're sexually triggered and hypersensitive to stimulation.
Getting an erection doesn't mean you're going to attack a child, just like men aren't going to attack a woman just because she triggers sexual thoughts or an erection.
Just look at how intense and irrational your fear is... did you go out and assault some boy just because you got turned on? Think about it... your mind is playing these brutal, totally irrational games with you.
You aren't a pedophile. If you're feeling some kind of "devilish" sensation that you're interpreting as arousal, that's just anxiety. If you happen to get an erection, it's not because of the kids, it's because you're totally hyper-focused on the sexual sensations you're feeling and you're experiencing arousal based on that...

I could write a whole novel about this, honestly. Because of this stuff, OCD is incredibly hard on patients—it can literally drive you insane. People with OCD disorders end up scrubbing their houses for days because they're terrified of germs, or avoiding men because they're scared they might be gay... it's just that kind of crap...

But could this stop happening once the OCD passes and those thoughts are gone?
Your answers are, as always, fantastic. Thank you so much.👍

You aren't a pedophile. You're just overthinking things.
However, since these thoughts seem to be affecting your quality of life, I would suggest scheduling an appointment with a psychologist or a therapist...