Condemnation

Lisa Parker6 said:I try my best not to be one of those people who constantly judges others. I mean, if we’re being honest, most of us probably deal with enough situations in our daily lives to realize that people are way too quick to pass judgment based on information that's usually wrong or just totally incomplete anyway.

As for judging someone based on their clothes, their haircut, or whatever other superficial stuff they have going on—I just don't do it. Everyone has their own vibe, and that's fine. To me, picking on someone for their style feels about as nonsensical as judging them for their race, religion, or where they come from. It just doesn't hold water.

At the end of the day, I think whoever said that judging others says much more about the person doing the judging than the person being judged is actually right.

I really think we need to take a much closer look at what we actually mean when we talk about "judgment." We can't just throw that word around without breaking it down first.
Every single thought you have about someone else is basically a mini-trial. You’re sitting there acting like a judge, weighing the evidence and passing sentence. Honestly? That’s actually a good thing. It’s totally fine. That’s exactly how we build our mental map of the world and figure out where everyone fits in.
Picture this scenario: You’re stuck in an elevator, the doors won't budge, and you've got to kill some time. Who would you actually rather be trapped with? On one hand, you’ve got this massive, six-foot-six meathead wearing nothing but a white undershirt and a chunky gold chain. He’s looking all intimidating, with some intense gang tattoos plastered across his shoulders—one side says something like "Rangers" and the other has some hardcore patriotic slogan. Or, you know, just your average, chill guy from around the neighborhood wearing a flannel and jeans. Who are you picking?
Look, maybe that first guy is actually a total sweetheart—like, a real "salt of the earth" kind of dude. But then you’ve got this second character who’s clearly a stone-cold professional killer. Honestly? We don't know for sure yet, but I bet my bottom dollar that 99% of people would choose to be stuck with the assassin every single time. It’s one of those things where you don't even need to spell out the reasons; we all just get it.

Look, let’s be real here—you can tell a whole lot about someone just by looking at them. Physicality actually says something. But things like religion, race, or where they come from? That tells you absolutely zero. It's just not how it works.

So how are we even supposed to navigate life then?🤷

Let me ask you again: how do you actually define judging someone? Is it just this binary way of weighing "good" versus "bad"?
To me, judging isn't about morality—it’s more like slapping a label on someone the second you see them. It doesn't even have to be a positive or negative thing.
The truth is, we all carry around this massive mental filing cabinet of stereotypes. We instantly try to shove people into little boxes: the bum, the genius, the trust fund kid, the hipster, the grumpy old lady, the guy who lives off his mother-in-law😁, you name it. Honestly, I don't know why we bother, or if we even have the energy to figure everyone out. And if they aren't part of our inner circle, why even care?
You walk down a street in Chicago or NYC, building this whole worldview based on the quick labels you toss at strangers. Is it possible we’re totally wrong about people sometimes? Absolutely. But is it also true that those labels are usually built on stuff we've already been through? Yeah, that's true too.

Andrew Doyle said:The mere fact that you even use a word like that is incredibly toxic. You can always express an opinion without being poisonous—you could say, "I don't think her outfit was tasteful," or "I'm not a fan of that look," or whatever. But resorting to calling someone a slut? That doesn't actually say anything about the girl; it just exposes your own massive issues. Honestly, it just screams that you're uncultured and crude.

I have no idea why you're taking my sentence out of context!?
Right after that, I wrote: "Sorry for being so blunt, but it's getting late and I don't feel like sugarcoating every single word I type."

And wait, isn't that also judging me? You literally called me unrefined and rude. Maybe I grew up on the streets and never had the chance to sit down with all those classic books everyone calls "essential reading," so I don't have this fancy vocabulary to make everything sound pretty! Or maybe I do, and I just don't feel like writing exactly how you want me to 🤷... who knows? Maybe I'm just messing with your whole idea of what "judging" even means 😕...

Hannah Alvarez2 said:I really think we need to take a much closer look at what we actually mean when we talk about "judgment." We can't just throw that word around without breaking it down first.
Every single thought you have about someone else is basically a mini-trial. You’re sitting there acting like a judge, weighing the evidence and passing sentence. Honestly? That’s actually a good thing. It’s totally fine. That’s exactly how we build our mental map of the world and figure out where everyone fits in.
Picture this scenario: You’re stuck in an elevator, the doors won't budge, and you've got to kill some time. Who would you actually rather be trapped with? On one hand, you’ve got this massive, six-foot-six meathead wearing nothing but a white undershirt and a chunky gold chain. He’s looking all intimidating, with some intense gang tattoos plastered across his shoulders—one side says something like "Rangers" and the other has some hardcore patriotic slogan. Or, you know, just your average, chill guy from around the neighborhood wearing a flannel and jeans. Who are you picking?
Look, maybe that first guy is actually a total sweetheart—like, a real "salt of the earth" kind of dude. But then you’ve got this second character who’s clearly a stone-cold professional killer. Honestly? We don't know for sure yet, but I bet my bottom dollar that 99% of people would choose to be stuck with the assassin every single time. It’s one of those things where you don't even need to spell out the reasons; we all just get it.

Look, let’s be real here—you can tell a whole lot about someone just by looking at them. Physicality actually says something. But things like religion, race, or where they come from? That tells you absolutely zero. It's just not how it works.

Yeah, fair enough. I guess I hadn't looked at the issue from that specific angle before; I was looking at it from somewhere else entirely. When you put it like that, I might actually agree with you. That was a pretty solid example.

Richard Wells said:People judge out of fear and pure ignorance. It’s that simple. It's way easier to just slap a label on something and condemn it than to actually take the time to get to know it and try to understand what's really going on.

Yeah, that’s definitely the easiest way to go. Unfortunately.

Why is this entire discussion trending toward the idea that any form of judgment is inherently negative? If we perceive someone's actions as wrong, unjust, or simply corrupt—shouldn't they be called out?

Someone else's drama is just noise—it has absolutely nothing to do with our lives. We always have the choice to rise above it instead of getting our hands dirty with endless comments, deep dives, and all that other nonsense.

Richard Wells said:Someone else's drama is just noise—it has absolutely nothing to do with our lives. We always have the choice to rise above it instead of getting our hands dirty with endless comments, deep dives, and all that other nonsense.

If even half the people in this world actually thought and acted that way, things would be so much better. 👍

placidmason58 said:If even half the people in this world actually thought and acted that way, things would be so much better. 👍

We could, if only people realized they aren't perfect. But I mean, truly realizing it—not just saying the words.

I really need to get this off my chest and see if anyone here can actually help me out. I’m new to this forum and honestly, I haven't found anyone else dealing with anything even remotely close to this mess... To make a long story short, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 15 months. We lived together for about 6 months at his place—it’s a big house where he lives with his parents, though he does have his own separate apartment area. Everything was basically perfect; I actually worked for him at his family’s business, and we were such an incredible team until April 1st of this year. That’s when everything went south. His father actually threatened me—told me he'd kill me because he thinks I'm some easy woman or whatever trashy names you can think of. Since that day, my life has just been one long nightmare, trying to escape what used to feel like a warm, wonderful home with the man I love. As time goes on, the gossip in our small town is just getting worse and making my life miserable, even though I haven't even gone out! I'm 42 and he's 47, and the pressure from his mother to dump me is just constant now. She’s convinced I’ve "bewitched" him or that I'm controlling him and that I'm the absolute worst. Turns out, all of this started with her—she’s always meddled in his relationships, which I only found out later. So, I have to ask—does this woman suffer from some kind of psychological disorder? Because there is no way someone could harbor that much pure hatred toward a person who is completely devoted to her son, heart and soul!!! Right now, we aren't living under the same roof, but obviously, we talk every single day because I am four months pregnant!!! I am desperate for advice or if anyone has dealt with something similar! My boyfriend is in a terrible spot because his whole livelihood depends on that family business... if he cuts ties with his parents, he loses everything. Honestly, we could fix all of this by just moving away, but he has a child from a previous relationship, so leaving our current situation isn't simple—I don't want to hurt the kid, obviously!!!

shadowcobra4 said:Why is this entire discussion trending toward the idea that any form of judgment is inherently negative? If we perceive someone's actions as wrong, unjust, or simply corrupt—shouldn't they be called out?

I think there’s a massive distinction here between condemning an action—basically saying "that was wrong"—and judging a person's entire character or their way of life. It feels like this thread is getting bogged down in the latter.

Eric Gray2 said:I think there’s a massive distinction here between condemning an action—basically saying "that was wrong"—and judging a person's entire character or their way of life. It feels like this thread is getting bogged down in the latter.

At the end of the day, judgment is judgment. Who are we to stick our noses into how other people live when we have absolutely no clue what drove them to make those choices?

Richard Wells said:At the end of the day, judgment is judgment. Who are we to stick our noses into how other people live when we have absolutely no clue what drove them to make those choices?

Is it because we're—well, human?

I find it pretty difficult to walk in other people's shoes sometimes. It’s not like I’m proud of that or think I have any right to do it, but yeah—I know myself well enough to admit that I still catch myself judging people.

You don't always have to go walking in someone else's shoes. Sometimes, just staying quiet is enough. If you can't actually help, don't make things worse by adding your two cents. 🙂

Richard Wells said:You don't always have to go walking in someone else's shoes. Sometimes, just staying quiet is enough. If you can't actually help, don't make things worse by adding your two cents. 🙂

Look, I can certainly stay quiet—and it doesn't even cross my mind to lecture anyone based on my own narrow perspective—but if I have an opinion on something, I'm going to share it. Period.

Eric Gray2 said:Look, I can certainly stay quiet—and it doesn't even cross my mind to lecture anyone based on my own narrow perspective—but if I have an opinion on something, I'm going to share it. Period.

Having an opinion is one thing, but judging people is a whole different story.

placidmason58 said:That is precisely the point I am trying to make regarding those individuals who, driven by jealousy or some other petty grievance, feel entitled to pass judgment on others. In our national psyche, this behavior is treated as perfectly acceptable; if someone acquires wealth, there is an immediate, knee-jerk assumption that they must be a thief or otherwise corrupt. Instead of lifting one another up, we tend to pull each other down. It reminds me of how Perkins once remarked to his neighbor that he’d rather see the neighbor's cow die just to ensure he wasn't the only one left without anything. It is, quite frankly, a pathetic way to live.

I am actively fighting against that reflexive urge to judge others, primarily because we all stumble from time to time, and I truly believe our only real path forward is through mutual understanding. There is one particular song that captures this sentiment perfectly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ96rfEtrcU Before you jump to conclusions, hurl insults, or start pointing fingers, I’d ask one thing of you: try walking a mile in my shoes first. 🙂

I don't know about you, but it sounds like you just took a massive swing at judging an entire nation.

Pervan once said he'd rather his neighbor's cow drop dead than have nothing himself. It's pretty pathetic when you think about it.

As far as I know, that's an old saying that used to fly all over this part of the world. And honestly, it usually goes more like: "I don't care if my cow dies, as long as my neighbor loses two."

Richard Wells said:You don't always have to go walking in someone else's shoes. Sometimes, just staying quiet is enough. If you can't actually help, don't make things worse by adding your two cents. 🙂

Why would anyone stay quiet, and who decided that's what "making things worse" even means?

Take, for instance, some girl waiting for the bus, dressed a bit provocatively...Person A and Person B start gossiping about how slutty she looks right then and there. Then Person A and B go their separate ways. End of story, right?

But it's never the end, because a week later, Person A hears from Person C that the same girl was apparently "seeing" multiple guys at once.
And now, in that moment, Person A brings up what they said to Person B earlier, and A and C form a solid opinion.

Still not over, because then Person D walks in, heard everything, and formed their own view. Person D doesn't approve of them talking trash about the girl and lets them know it.
Immediately, Person A and C pivot and form a brand new opinion—not about the girl, but about Person D. They slap the label of "holier-than-thou" or "sellout" on them just because they didn't join in on the judgment.

All of this serves to create these social divisions and reinforce stereotypical behavior. Why?
Maybe it's some evolutionary thing where we're hardwired to recognize patterns to avoid dangerous or stupid situations—like that elevator example or something else—or maybe we just do it to manufacture a consensus for some unspoken purpose...

briskwolf16 said:I find this trait deeply unattractive. So many people resort to judgment simply because they're drowning in jealousy. The other day, I was standing at a bus stop, just waiting, when I overheard a group of people tearing into their neighbors. They were obsessing over the neighbor's fleet of vehicles, making all these snide remarks about how they must have stolen them, claiming there’s absolutely no way someone with their line of work could afford such a collection. It struck me then—if these people spent half as much time focusing on their own lives instead of policing everyone else's, they might actually build up a fleet of their own. A friend of mine was telling me about a business trip he took to Mexico recently, and he noted how much more cohesive people seemed there, really pulling together and supporting one another. Meanwhile, back at his firm, it’s nothing but constant bickering and backstabbing. As Perkins once wisely said: "Americans will forgive you for almost anything, except for your success." Honestly, I think if people just turned their attention inward toward their own struggles and goals, they’d have far less energy to waste on judging others.

Boom. That's it. Everything worth saying has been captured in this post.

Because, apparently, someone else's business is always more fascinating than our own. Nowadays, people fret so much over whether some guy down the street is making money under the table—honestly, people, if he's breaking the law, the FBI or local police will handle it; there's no need for you to bicker and waste your energy. We worry so intensely about trivial matters and insignificant people who have zero impact on our actual lives... much like how people fight tooth and nail over politics for no real reason. If we stopped sticking our noses into other people's affairs and focused more on our own paths, I believe things would look very different...

When I was younger, I used to spend way too much time talking smack about people and everything happening around town, mostly because I just didn't get it back then, and honestly, I kind of thought certain things would just never happen to me...
I wasn't trying to be a jerk or anything, but I definitely talked, and yeah, I probably judged them along the way. But man, getting older really shows you how easy it is to point fingers, and sometimes that judgment actually comes right back at you.
I don't judge anymore, and I’m definitely not out here looking down on anyone. Everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do, and if someone thinks their choice was okay for them, well, that’s their business, and we don't need to step in.
Maybe even that person, looking back from a distance, thinks to themselves, "Man, maybe I shouldn't have done it that way," but whatever, it's done and dusted now.
It’s always so easy to sit on the sidelines, watching everyone else and commenting or judging, especially when it feels totally obvious to us how they should've handled things—we're sitting there thinking, "How can they not see this?"
But hey, they just don't see it.
Everyone is just out here doing the best they can with what they've got, but sometimes that isn't enough and we just screw up big time.
Plus, I really think people love to judge because pointing out someone else's "flaws" is basically just a way to make themselves feel better, like, "Oh, look at them, at least I'm doing fine."