#81 ·
Amanda Gonzalez66 said:I honestly don't know myself.
I've been thinking about this constantly lately.
I'm curious to hear what you all think. I'll share what I condemn and what I don't. Then, please tell me your thoughts.
If someone hurts me, I judge them. But if they apologize, I stop. I can value an apology. Still, there's that lingering feeling of being hurt or disappointed. I hold a grudge against the person who caused the pain. I'm not sure if that counts as judgment.
I judge dishonesty if the person refuses to own up to it (though some people do admit when they're wrong). In those moments, I feel personally wronged.
I judge people who take their insecurities out on others. That also causes hurt.
I judge rapists. I feel pure rage toward them.
I judge it when someone refuses to make amends after causing injustice (to anyone).
I judge exploitation, especially sexual exploitation.
I judge when someone lies about another person or makes up stories just to boost their own status.
I judge public insults if they look like a desperate attempt to elevate oneself. If it's just about being hurt, then no.
I judge people who constantly demand favors and expect them to be returned. They get offended if you don't help them, yet they wouldn't lift a finger if you asked.
Once a person apologizes or admits what they did, I stop judging.
Holding a grudge or judging someone doesn't mean I can't talk to them normally or empathize with them. Those same people can still be dear to me.
Regarding rapists, the only time I feel any pity is if I know they are genuinely remorseful.
Murderers—I don't know why, but I don't judge them. Instead, I feel a sense of pity. I feel like they don't truly understand what they've done. Sometimes they act in a moment of blind rage and regret it later, which makes me feel even worse for them.
People struggling with addiction—I could never judge them. I feel terrible for them because they are such vulnerable people.
Pedophiles—I judge them.
Alcoholics—I feel deep pity for them.
Promiscuity—generally speaking, I judge it. But when I talk to someone personally about it, I feel for them. Often, it's tied to a lot of underlying issues. A person might not even realize it isn't healthy, or they aren't conscious of what they're doing. They don't realize they aren't taking care of themselves.
I also judge if that person is simultaneously exploiting others sexually.
I judge when someone enters a relationship solely for physical gain, knowing the other person has genuine feelings involved.
Sometimes my feelings are a mix of pity and judgment for certain things.
But at first glance, I don't judge people.
Most of the time, I don't.
Thinking about it now, I realize I actually do judge certain people.
The ones who dress provocatively, making their bodies available for everyone to stare at.
Though that doesn't mean I wouldn't give them a chance or talk to them.
I don't know if that's "judgment." If a person hurts me, it will hurt, and I will judge them for it. I'll hold it against them.
🤷
Deep down, every single person wants to be happy. But the problem is, they often go about it in the most twisted ways possible, hurting themselves and everyone around them in the process. You should try stepping into the shoes of the person you're judging—just for a second. Look at things from their side. What could have pushed them to act like that? What are their relationships like? Did they deal with some heavy trauma growing up? Can you hear the fear or the struggle hidden in their words?
The more you understand the "why," the less you'll find yourself judging. And listen, that doesn't mean you're okay with what they did or that you're making excuses for them. It just means you're freeing yourself from all that negativity that does nothing but poison your own life.
Also, keep this in mind: you can't force an apology out of someone who hasn't even realized they messed up. You can try to help them see the light, or you can just walk away and let them figure it out on their own. Of course, if someone is genuinely dangerous to the people around them, you've gotta protect others from them. Period.
