Best way to knock down a wall?

I am in a complete state of freefall.
I dropped out of college—just drifting through life right now. My mom is drowning in credit card debt because she’s stuck working some minimum wage job, and I? I don't have a cent coming in.
I've put on about 45 pounds. I’m antisocial, weird, quiet... just extremely withdrawn. I don't have friends. And I've never even had a boyfriend (shocker, I know 🙄). I've also attempted suicide twice and spent time in a psych ward.
I've hit a wall. A massive one. I don't know where to go or what to do—my head is full of these wild fantasies about how life could be, but I don't have the cash to actually make any of them happen.
And honestly? I have zero motivation to lose weight, even though I absolutely loathe my reflection. In fact, for the last few months, I’ve been avoiding mirrors entirely. I’m terrified of people—especially guys—partly because I was bullied relentlessly back in middle school for being fat and quiet. I can never hold a decent conversation with a guy; I’m just too embarrassed by how I look, and even by my own brain. I don't think I'm stupid, per se, but I struggle to retain info, my logic is basically non-existent, and putting thoughts into words is such a chore. If I do manage to say anything, it usually comes out as, "uh, yeah, like, you know, I mean, damn..."

So, yeah... here I am, venting on a forum. Maybe there’s someone else out there feeling this same way, or maybe someone has some actual wise advice to offer.

What’s the point of some wise little nugget of advice? It’s not gonna fix your problems, trust me.

You basically have to cultivate this specific headspace where you look at the absolute cesspool we’re all wading through and somehow convince yourself it looks beautiful.
It’s a total delusion, obviously—but hey, it makes dealing with the daily grind a hell of a lot easier to stomach.

Go back to college, find a side hustle through the campus job board, and drop 20 lbs

Look, I’d need another 6 grand just to get back into college—and let’s be real, there’s zero chance I’ll actually make a living off this degree anyway.

I guess I was just holding onto too many delusions... they've mostly just evaporated for now.🙂

I mean, if you don't actually roll up your sleeves and get to work, you're probably not going to fix it.
Looking at all the similar threads floating around here, I’ve kind of gathered that most people don't really solve their issues; they just pop in, vent for a bit to blow off some steam, and then go right back to their old habits. They have their ups and downs, I guess, until they eventually find themselves opening yet another thread!🤣

gentlesailor25 said:I mean, if you don't actually roll up your sleeves and get to work, you're probably not going to fix it.
Looking at all the similar threads floating around here, I’ve kind of gathered that most people don't really solve their issues; they just pop in, vent for a bit to blow off some steam, and then go right back to their old habits. They have their ups and downs, I guess, until they eventually find themselves opening yet another thread!🤣

Anyway, hey—glad my little rant gave you a laugh. 👍

neonwolf19 said:Look, I’d need another 6 grand just to get back into college—and let’s be real, there’s zero chance I’ll actually make a living off this degree anyway.

I guess I was just holding onto too many delusions... they've mostly just evaporated for now.🙂

Just focus on childcare jobs over here, lose some weight, and master your English!
Save up for a solid degree—maybe pharmacy or something?—and then you can finally go out and find a boyfriend.

gentlesailor25 said:I mean, if you don't actually roll up your sleeves and get to work, you're probably not going to fix it.
Looking at all the similar threads floating around here, I’ve kind of gathered that most people don't really solve their issues; they just pop in, vent for a bit to blow off some steam, and then go right back to their old habits. They have their ups and downs, I guess, until they eventually find themselves opening yet another thread!🤣

Why the hell do you think that is?? 🙂

It’s probably not because they don't have a clue how to fix their own mess; it's more like they're just screaming for help without actually saying the damn words.
Forum advice is all well and good, but let’s be real—it rarely sticks when you actually need it. We’re all out here begging for a hand because we can't pull ourselves up by our bootstraps alone, especially when the people around us aren't giving us any real support or the kind of motivation needed to actually change things. It’s like trying to run a marathon in quicksand; you just end up spinning your wheels in the same damn circle. 🙂

I'm totally with you on the big picture—the real fix is just to sit your ass down, shut out the noise, get your thoughts on paper, and finally pull the trigger on a decision. But man, it’s always the same damn story: right when you feel like you're finally catching a break or gaining some momentum, life decides to throw a massive wrench in the gears and makes everything ten times harder. 😁

At the end of the day, if you aren't bringing that relentless grit and pure discipline to the table, you're basically just spinning your wheels and going nowhere fast. That's just my two cents, based on all those nuggets of wisdom I've picked up along the way. 🙂

Look, I know there’s no magic pill or universal life hack that’s just going to swoop in and fix everything wrong with my life—I'm not naive—but sometimes you just hit a wall where you need to vent to a bunch of complete strangers just to feel human. It's just one of those nights where I need to get it all out of my system just to lighten the load, even if it's only for tonight. Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I actually drifted off without my brain running a marathon... so, yeah, this is basically just me trying to find enough headspace to finally catch some sleep 🙂

neonwolf19 said:Look, I know there’s no magic pill or universal life hack that’s just going to swoop in and fix everything wrong with my life—I'm not naive—but sometimes you just hit a wall where you need to vent to a bunch of complete strangers just to feel human. It's just one of those nights where I need to get it all out of my system just to lighten the load, even if it's only for tonight. Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I actually drifted off without my brain running a marathon... so, yeah, this is basically just me trying to find enough headspace to finally catch some sleep 🙂

First things first: focus on how you present yourself. When you feel good about your look, your confidence naturally climbs, and once that happens, everything else starts falling into place.
I realize it’s an uphill battle to find the motivation to hit the gym or watch what you eat, but you really have to push yourself through that initial resistance...
Once you get that momentum going, you might even catch someone's eye—even if you aren't the most outgoing person in the room. And having a partner by your side? That could provide the exact spark you need to tackle all those other hurdles life throws at you. 😉

coastalgull34 said:First things first: focus on how you present yourself. When you feel good about your look, your confidence naturally climbs, and once that happens, everything else starts falling into place.
I realize it’s an uphill battle to find the motivation to hit the gym or watch what you eat, but you really have to push yourself through that initial resistance...
Once you get that momentum going, you might even catch someone's eye—even if you aren't the most outgoing person in the room. And having a partner by your side? That could provide the exact spark you need to tackle all those other hurdles life throws at you. 😉

Man, you have no idea how much I love seeing this posted! Seriously. Throughout my entire teenage years, and honestly even later on, my "friends" and acquaintances used to tell me that the reason I didn't have a boyfriend was because I was too withdrawn—not because I was overweight.🤣 They were so adamant about it, too, acting like it had nothing to do with looks and everything to do with my personality.🤣 I don't know... I guess they thought I was desperate enough to actually believe them.😬

I’m not going to lecture anyone on being shy, because honestly, I’m pretty much the same way :P... but let me tell you, looking sharp and having a bit of confidence certainly doesn't hurt 😉 In fact, that’s usually the main thing that catches a guy's eye 🙂

coastalgull34 said:I’m not going to lecture anyone on being shy, because honestly, I’m pretty much the same way :P... but let me tell you, looking sharp and having a bit of confidence certainly doesn't hurt 😉 In fact, that’s usually the main thing that catches a guy's eye 🙂

I mean, I see plenty of examples of people from both genders who are super withdrawn and just totally socially awkward—like, they stay in their own little bubble—but honestly? They still look like they've never once missed out on getting attention from the opposite sex. It’s wild, right? 😉

neonwolf19 said:I mean, I see plenty of examples of people from both genders who are super withdrawn and just totally socially awkward—like, they stay in their own little bubble—but honestly? They still look like they've never once missed out on getting attention from the opposite sex. It’s wild, right? 😉

There you go.🙂 So, what are you waiting for? :P

David Vaughn75 said:What’s the point of some wise little nugget of advice? It’s not gonna fix your problems, trust me.

You basically have to cultivate this specific headspace where you look at the absolute cesspool we’re all wading through and somehow convince yourself it looks beautiful.
It’s a total delusion, obviously—but hey, it makes dealing with the daily grind a hell of a lot easier to stomach.

So, self-defense is the answer?
"Just when I'm right on the edge of actually facing reality [due to some random factor; doesn't matter...]; I'll choose to hide behind illusions instead because I can't handle the truth. If I don't, I'll snap. And snapping is messy."
I mean, I get it. But by masking the problem [avoiding the truth], the "issue" never actually goes away. It just lingers. You're just delaying the inevitable. Basically just borrowing time until the next—likely much worse—total meltdown happens.

Hmm....

coastalgull34 said:There you go.🙂 So, what are you waiting for? :P

Preach...

Is it really that hard to hit the gym and eat better? Like, just look some stuff up online... seriously...

Nah, much better to just lay around and whine while we get older... we only live once, right?

There are people dealing with way bigger issues who still manage to stay positive...

ironrider11 said:So, self-defense is the answer?
"Just when I'm right on the edge of actually facing reality [due to some random factor; doesn't matter...]; I'll choose to hide behind illusions instead because I can't handle the truth. If I don't, I'll snap. And snapping is messy."
I mean, I get it. But by masking the problem [avoiding the truth], the "issue" never actually goes away. It just lingers. You're just delaying the inevitable. Basically just borrowing time until the next—likely much worse—total meltdown happens.

Hmm....

A friend of mine actually asked me recently whether I think hope is a good thing or a bad thing, and my response was simple: at the end of my life, I'll probably be thanking them for lying to me all along, and that’s that.

I can't quite remember when I first stumbled upon your post and felt that exact same way.

ironrider11 said:So, self-defense is the answer?
"Just when I'm right on the edge of actually facing reality [due to some random factor; doesn't matter...]; I'll choose to hide behind illusions instead because I can't handle the truth. If I don't, I'll snap. And snapping is messy."
I mean, I get it. But by masking the problem [avoiding the truth], the "issue" never actually goes away. It just lingers. You're just delaying the inevitable. Basically just borrowing time until the next—likely much worse—total meltdown happens.

Hmm....

I don't think so...
Everyone has to find their own way forward. There isn't one magic fix that works for everyone. It’s just like life—we’re all wired differently, so our solutions have to be different too. :S

And look, man... nobody can force you to make a move. I mean, wouldn't it be easier if we could just flip a switch and get motivated? Probably. But if you don't take that first step, nothing actually shifts.
You've just got to make some cuts and roll up your sleeves.🙂
ps. my inbox is open if you want to chat more privately.😉

Larry Lewis said:A friend of mine actually asked me recently whether I think hope is a good thing or a bad thing, and my response was simple: at the end of my life, I'll probably be thanking them for lying to me all along, and that’s that.

I can't quite remember when I first stumbled upon your post and felt that exact same way.

You know what they say about hope... 🙂 I'd say everything people are saying is spot on...
And here we go again... everything is just a matter of perspective. I really hope my take on this is totally off base...
Honestly? It’s better this way for everyone involved...

Look, whether you have a degree or not, landing a job is tough these days—it’s just the reality of the American job market. Having that diploma is definitely a plus, sure, but let’s be real: it isn't some golden ticket. And honestly? If you hated what you studied, having that degree won't do you much good anyway. Just stop beating yourself up over it and try to move forward. You could always look into getting a certification or taking a specialized course later on; they’re shorter, more focused, and can actually help you get hired. Just make sure you do your homework first to see if the certification is actually worth the money and if it carries weight here in the States.

First thing’s first: ask yourself what actually interests you and what you’d *actually* want to do for a living. Try to dig through your memory for anything that sparked an interest or something you were naturally good at. Grab a notepad and just dump all your ideas onto it. Then, dive a bit deeper into different hobbies or career paths—maybe even try testing out a few things in your free time just to see if you actually enjoy the grind.

You don't need "motivation" to lose weight; you need motivation to be active. There’s got to be some kind of sport, workout, martial art, dance, or running—something that pulls you in even just a little bit so you can actually enjoy it. If you find that, the weight loss will just happen as a byproduct. As for food, try to cut out those late-night snacking sessions, eat smaller meals throughout the day instead of one giant feast, and aim for healthier stuff. Pro tip from my end: don't put the whole box of pasta or the entire bag of chips on the table. Just put a realistic portion on your plate and leave the rest in the pantry or the fridge. It makes self-control a hell of a lot easier.

What are your big dreams? Money comes and goes in life, so don't let it consume you. What matters is knowing what you want and how you want it, and hey, it’s okay to daydream about it once in a while. Don't let those mental blocks like "I can't do that," "I don't have the cash," or "that's just a fantasy" shut you down. Keep a positive outlook.

I struggle with remembering things too, so don't sweat it. I just write the important stuff down on paper or in my phone, and boom—problem solved. Plus, I usually remember things better once they're written down. You can actually start building better logical reasoning by analyzing things on paper—for example, write down the pros and cons of a situation, list every detail you notice, and then give each point a score from 1 to 5. Total up the scores for the pros and the cons and see which side outweighs the other. After I started making decisions this way, I noticed I could think through things much faster and more clearly. Also, reading helps a ton with how you express yourself—you start subconsciously picking up the way authors phrase things. Read stuff you actually care about, and you'll enjoy it. And I definitely recommend diving into some self-help books regarding success and happiness; they can really shift your mindset and how you act.

Don't have any friends? Start approaching people in real life or reach out to folks online and just start talking. Eventually, you'll click with someone and find your tribe. And don't worry if a few people brush you off... that happens to everyone, it's totally normal. If you're too nervous to talk to people face-to-face, plan out how you'll introduce yourself or start a conversation beforehand. There's plenty of stuff on YouTube that gives good examples you can learn from. Just remember: you don't know these people anyway, so you have nothing to lose. On the flip side, you might meet someone who completely changes your life for the better and becomes a lifelong friend.

A boyfriend will show up once you've gotten your other ducks in a row. Some guys won't care if you've gained a few pounds, but you really need to build up your own self-confidence and optimism first. Live your life, laugh, crack a joke, make eye contact—people will notice. Besides, don't be afraid to approach someone if you're interested! The main thing is to kick off the conversation and make sure the vibe is fun. At the end of it, you can just leave your number and say, "Hey, hit me up if you want to hang out sometime." It’s a super easy, low-pressure way to do it.

Just take one tiny step forward every single day, and within a year, your life will look completely different. Small things make massive differences. 🙂