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My epic curve

Started by Brian Hayes43 · · 👁 2 views · 31 replies

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Participants Brian Hayes43velvetsailor26David Vaughn75Matthew White4Brandon Lopez6Jason Fisher59Nicholas Gonzalez8shadoweagle39Larry CampbellKenneth Rivera10Matthew Castillo5Edward Reed2David Scott7
Brian Hayes43 Brian Hayes43 MemberOP
39 messages
joined Mar 2013
#1 ·
I found myself in a bit of a dark place just a moment ago. I was sitting there at my desk, heart racing and legs trembling with this overwhelming urge to head into the kitchen, grab a knife, and find the most vulnerable spot possible to let it all out.

I am currently thirty years old and residing in the beautiful city of V. g.

My earliest memory takes me back to when I was just two years old. It was late winter, just as the sun was beginning to dip, and my paternal grandmother arrived with my uncle at the small apartment where my parents lived. At the time, both of my parents were in their mid-twenties, living a quiet life until that evening when my grandmother essentially forced us out of our own home. I have this incredibly vivid image of my little green plastic sandbox—the one with those tiny little figurines where "Mr. Man Doesn't Get Mad"—lying discarded as I wandered into the kitchen. There, the scene was heavy with emotion: my mother was in tears, while my grandmother, bundled up in a thick winter coat and a heavy hat, was slamming her fist against the table in frustration, leaving my uncle to stand off to the side, looking down at the floor in somber silence.

After being successfully evicted from our apartment, my mother and I have relocated to a small house where I’m now living with her, my maternal grandmother, and my uncle. It honestly feels less like a home and more like a cramped, neglected workshop; there is no central heating, the floors are perpetually grimy, and we are constantly struggling to make ends meet. My mother carries the financial weight for all of us, while my uncle works tirelessly in the manufacturing sector, often returning home completely exhausted from his shifts. Every couple of years, when she manages to save enough, she treats me to a trip to the coast, and because of that, I feel an incredibly deep, unbreakable bond with her.

I find myself drifting off in this antique marital bed, sharing the space with my grandmother and her sister just as I did back when I was an eighth grader. During the winter months, frost patterns dance and shimmer across the ceiling like tiny constellations. It brings back those vivid memories of navigating the awkward turbulence of puberty, lying there next to my grandmother and trying my absolute best to stay perfectly still so I wouldn't wake her.

My childhood has mostly been defined by a certain sense of solitude. I find myself constantly chasing the idea of achieving some kind of social status, though it always seems to slip through my fingers like sand. While other kids are out there causing chaos—doing reckless things like tormenting animals or taking dangerous leaps off rooftops just for the thrill of it—I simply can't wrap my head around that mindset and choose to walk away. For me, true fulfillment comes from much simpler rhythms: riding my bike through the quiet countryside, gathering wood for the stove, or losing myself in the intricate puzzles of electronics.

The year was 1991 when war broke us apart, and my uncle—the man who stood in for a father to me—left for St. Louis, only to lose his life at Ovčara. He felt the house was simply too small to hold all of us, so he went to serve. I didn't find myself weeping at his funeral, mostly because we never quite managed to bridge that emotional gap between us while he was alive. My grandmother spent the service quietly counting the mourners, noting how many people had come to pay their respects. To the local community, he was something of a legend, serving as the ultimate moral compass for the V. G. scouts. It remains an incredibly painful memory, one that feels like a weight I’ve somehow failed to honor.

School life has been a constant struggle of friction and misunderstanding. I’ve never been one to bow down to arbitrary authority, though I’ve always had a sharp mind for what’s actually going on. Because of that, I find myself constantly being sent out into the hallway to sit with the guidance counselor—someone who used to be my mother's colleague back when she worked under the old, rigid social structures where a woman's merit was often overlooked, regardless of her family's resilience through hard times. To make matters even more complicated, my current English teacher actually went to elementary school with my mom; they were in the same class together. It’s quite a funny dynamic because, truth be told, my mother was always the superior student when it came to language arts, whereas this teacher was the type of overachiever who lived for perfectionism. I think we all know how those stories go.

Making friends back in elementary school? That was an uphill battle for me. From first through fourth grade, I was essentially nothing more than a human punching bag for every boy in class—it was relentless. It wasn't until fifth grade that I finally hit a growth spurt, and that was when everything shifted. One day, I just reached my breaking point and completely lost it on the kid who had been tormenting me the most. I will never forget the sheer, blinding fury and hatred that surged through me after school that afternoon. It was like a storm breaking; I felt absolutely nothing but pure, unadulterated rage as I stood my ground while a group of eighth graders looked on. I haven't experienced a feeling quite that intense ever since.

It’s a bit disheartening to realize that I haven't quite learned my lesson yet, as I find myself constantly clashing with the rest of the class through the eighth grade. While there are a few students who are certainly more formidable than I am, they generally prefer to leave me be rather than engage in any physical confrontation. However, most of my peers tend to keep their distance from me, largely because my family struggles financially; I don't have the luxury of keeping up with the latest designer trends or high-end fashion, and even my basic school supplies are just simple, budget-friendly items from a place like Walmart.

It was just toward the end of eighth grade, right before we headed out on those final school trips to the Grand Canyon and then up to Maui for graduation, that I finally felt a true sense of connection with the classmates I’d spent the last eight years alongside. It was like we were all little adults experiencing one last shared moment of childhood together.

Since my grades weren't exactly stellar after middle school, I managed to enroll in an electrical technician program for high school instead. However, I ended up crossing paths with a few troubled kids from around the outskirts of Portland, and once that introduction to drug culture began, everything just spiraled completely out of control. It was really just that classic, misguided urge to prove oneself through rebellion and a desperate need to deny any sense of inadequacy.

I’ve been skipping my apprenticeship sessions with a mentor who is truly the gold standard of decency—just a genuine, salt-of-the-earth kind of guy. He took me under his wing with the clear intention of investing in my future, believing that if he poured enough knowledge into me, I'd become someone he could actually rely on in the field. Honestly, I’ve completely blown it. It feels like a recurring pattern where I can't seem to stay on track; much like a student struggling through high school, I just can't catch a break. I failed my freshman year once, and then after being held back a second time by my counselor's decision, I simply reached my breaking point and walked away.

Around the age of fifteen or sixteen, I started hanging out with a crowd a couple of years older than me, and I began sourcing every high imaginable; back then, in the aftermath of the war, everything was incredibly cheap. I spent most of my days just lounging in the park. While most kids my age were cruising through high school, planning for college, or looking for steady jobs, I was the kid perpetually slumped on a bench, high on weed, wired on speed, or floating on ecstasy. My mom struggled to connect with me, eventually finding a partner of her own, which she truly needed after spending so many years grinding away to support our family.

Thanks to some inheritance my grandmother received from my uncle, she decided to renovate the house, and as part of that package, I got a little attic room where I could set up a bed. That became my sanctuary, though the crew was constantly dropping by so we could get high together. People were always coming and going, and honestly, I grew tired of the constant intrusion.

Eventually, my drive for physical intimacy became overwhelming. I ended up stealing a girl away from one of the guys in the group, and he began to look at me with this deep, calculated disdain. If my mother were here, she’d call him a sleazy character. It was then that I finally started paying attention to what people actually said about me. The mockery began, mostly coming from the older guy in the group whom I had hooked up with. Every time I was high, someone would take a jab at me, sending me into a spiral of shame—even though I was high from dawn until dusk. The first thing I'd encounter when the morning sun hit my eyes was the remains of last night's unfinished joint.

I remember one evening staying in with my girlfriend. It was summer, the window was wide open, and we were just relaxing and talking. The following Saturday, there was a massive party out in the hills near Seattle. Everyone was on something, and I was on absolutely everything. As I hovered near my "social circle," I noticed that certain things they were whispering seemed to mirror exactly what my girlfriend and I had discussed privately just a few nights prior. I am a hundred percent certain they had been standing right outside our window one night. The "elder" of the group pulled the same stunt on me a few days later at my place while we were both completely wasted on X. I could see the sadistic pleasure in his face as he threw those comments my way.

Some of them started moving toward heroin, and it finally clicked for me: if I didn't pull myself away now, I was headed for a disastrous end. People were already starting to crash hard, and I found I lacked the willpower to say no when an offer was put in front of me. I broke it off with the girl from the group, turned my back on everything, and frankly, I didn't care; I still had my stash. We stayed together, fueled by drugs, living like rabbits for over a year. But during that time, I stopped going out entirely; I stopped socializing, and I even neglected the dentist despite needing to fix a tooth I cracked falling off my bike in eighth grade. Eventually, she reached her breaking point and barely managed to walk away from me. I was left completely alone, with nothing but my computer.

Then came the standard descent: depression, rage, and a pervasive fear of everything. I lived with this constant paranoia that someone was lurking outside my window. Even then, I could still find stuff to smoke, but the meth only served to amplify my paranoia. Years passed, and even when I could no longer find anything to get high on because everyone had written me off, the paranoia persisted. I’d have episodes where I’d pull a blanket over my head, trembling with the terror that someone was filming me, watching me, eavesdropping... or even reading my thoughts. Sometimes, I’d hear these terrifying screams behind me—indescribable, haunting, shifting shrieks. My only connection to the world was IRC, but even there, I felt like everyone was reading me.

Ten years have slipped by now, and my mental state is a wreck, much like my dental hygiene. I can't bring myself to look people in the eye; my self-confidence has vanished into nothingness. You can't even attempt to move forward when your chipped tooth has fallen out and your breath is foul. I don't look good, and my teeth make it worse. It's pathetic. I can't meet anyone's gaze. I can't talk to them directly. I feel worthless. Don't expect any help from me; I am stuck in a dead end.

"OK, just scream! Scream your lungs out!" Suddenly, the voices stopped, and they never returned. In that moment, I felt a spark. I started fighting back against all this garbage, trying to reclaim my life. Through meditation, diving into the Zeitgeist, watching UFO videos—all sorts of things—I managed to pull myself back. I returned to IRC and Twitter. I met Anonymouse, and we went after Mastercard, Visa, and PayPal for the sake of justice. For the first time, I found a sense of purpose.

I started making actual progress. I began to understand my problems, how they formed, and how I might solve them. I started crafting ambitious plans. It’s wild—I’m actually giving advice to people online, and they genuinely value it. They even seem to like me. So, I guess I'm not a complete lost cause after all.

Today, it has been two years since I started communicating with the world again, though true change is a slow process. It's been thirteen years since I sat at this computer without attending school. However, I know a vast array of software technologies, I am proficient in two programming languages, and I can hack into at least five others if necessary. But none of that matters much when I lack a diploma, a certificate, a decent smile, the drive to chase nothing, or even a single relationship to help me land a job.

It has been thirteen years since I last allowed myself to truly laugh, because if I am being honest, I haven't felt genuinely happy in a very long time. There was a time when I could charm anyone with my silver tongue, but nowadays, I find myself struggling just to get the words out without stumbling over them. More than anything, I find myself aching for a sense of connection and a chance to love deeply again. I know I am finally ready to face this, because as I write these words, I am simultaneously weeping and smiling at the sheer absurdity of it all.

What drove me to write this was a recent encounter that felt much like those old stories where someone stands vigil outside a window only to be mocked; in my case, a group at a local radio station decided to broadcast their ridicule of my recent Twitter outburst right over the airwaves. The sting of being laughed at for my perceived immaturity hit me so hard that it triggered a wave of intense paranoia and doubt, making me feel as though I were losing my grip on reality. I ended up staging a bit of a scene on my timeline, practically demanding they confirm they were actually mocking me so I could prove to myself that I wasn't descending into madness. In a strange way, perhaps I should be thanking them for the clarity.

Friends, I am reaching out because I need help. After thirteen years of fighting through what feels like a lifetime of wasted opportunities—though I suppose I have had a few small victories along the way—I am finally standing on the threshold of a breakthrough, and I find myself needing guidance, advice, or simply a friend. I need someone to talk to, someone who can listen openly, honestly, and from the heart. I am not looking for a prescription, a hospital bed, or a therapist who is too burnt out by their own existential dread caused by the current state of the economy to actually care. I am looking for someone who understands this path because they have walked it themselves.

I am hoping there is someone out there who feels close to my situation. I've mentioned my general location, so please, send me a private message or just leave a reply.
Brian Hayes43 Brian Hayes43 MemberOP
39 messages
joined Mar 2013
#2 ·
Azerat said:Welcome to the club, my friend; welcome to today's messy, disconnected, and frankly broken world. There isn't much help to be found here. People in this country seem to have an unshakeable faith in psychotherapy and pills, operating under the assumption that everyone must navigate their own struggles in total isolation. To be honest, this entire forum feels like little more than a farce. Those who truly needed support haven't found it here; at most, they just get handed a phone number for a suicide prevention hotline, which is something anyone could easily find on Google. It’s quite disheartening to see the state of the world we inhabit today.

I took a look at some of your previous posts before you were banned. Hang in there, man. I've been fighting my own battles for a long time now, and I was almost at the finish line 🙂. What I really need right now is just that final push—someone to tell me that hope isn't lost, because if I can't make it this time, I fear everything might come crashing down again.

Feel free to vent or pour your heart out like I do; call the police, call a helpline, do whatever it takes. But remember, to receive compassion, you have to be willing to offer it too; there is a reservoir of kindness available if you are willing to tap into it. This intense aggression you're projecting won't solve a single thing. Try to find a reason to smile. It doesn't matter how difficult it seems—just find a way to do it, even if you have to run headfirst into a wall to make it happen.
Brian Hayes43 Brian Hayes43 MemberOP
39 messages
joined Mar 2013
#3 ·
And I suppose one could say this forum feels a bit like... enjoying a little digital indulgence, perhaps some gourmet chocolates and emojis paired perfectly with a morning latte and an iPhone 😁
velvetsailor26 velvetsailor26 Active Member
144 messages
joined Feb 2009
#4 ·
Honestly, whenever I run into those massive walls of text, I usually just scroll right past them. But I actually sat down and read yours—you’ve clearly got a knack for this.
Brian Hayes43 Brian Hayes43 MemberOP
39 messages
joined Mar 2013
#5 ·
velvetsailor26 said:Honestly, whenever I run into those massive walls of text, I usually just scroll right past them. But I actually sat down and read yours—you’ve clearly got a knack for this.

Much appreciated. 🙂. I truly attempted to keep things brief, but much like trying to capture the vastness of the Grand Canyon in a single snapshot, describing emptiness is a bit of a paradox. Still, I believe I've managed to touch upon all the essential points to provide a complete picture.
David Vaughn75 David Vaughn75 Regular
626 messages
joined Sep 2015
#6 ·
Check this out. My folks are pulling in about $6.75, they’ve got three houses, and zero debt hanging over their heads. But honestly? The best part is they absolutely adore me—they’d go to bat for me any day of the week. I'm doing great, really. Got a best friend who’s basically my brother for life (he’s living up in Seattle, but whatever, distance doesn't change a thing). Even if everything goes south, I've got a massive olive grove out on the coast that could provide a pretty decent living. And you want to know what I did? Back in '06, I went through a dark patch, slashed my wrists, and ended up stuck in a psych ward.

Look, we’re all our own little universes, so it’s kind of pointless for us to sit here and "give you advice"—people usually just hear whatever they want to hear anyway. What you actually need is to feel someone else's soul. Not listen to the words they're saying, but just... feel them say *something*, anything at all. You need faith—and I don't mean religious stuff. Personally, I think you'll find that faith pretty soon because you've finally realized you need it, and you've opened your soul up enough to let something in.

I've gotta ask you one thing: do you actually believe you deserve to be loved?
Brian Hayes43 Brian Hayes43 MemberOP
39 messages
joined Mar 2013
#7 ·
David Vaughn75 said:Check this out. My folks are pulling in about $6.75, they’ve got three houses, and zero debt hanging over their heads. But honestly? The best part is they absolutely adore me—they’d go to bat for me any day of the week. I'm doing great, really. Got a best friend who’s basically my brother for life (he’s living up in Seattle, but whatever, distance doesn't change a thing). Even if everything goes south, I've got a massive olive grove out on the coast that could provide a pretty decent living. And you want to know what I did? Back in '06, I went through a dark patch, slashed my wrists, and ended up stuck in a psych ward.

Look, we’re all our own little universes, so it’s kind of pointless for us to sit here and "give you advice"—people usually just hear whatever they want to hear anyway. What you actually need is to feel someone else's soul. Not listen to the words they're saying, but just... feel them say *something*, anything at all. You need faith—and I don't mean religious stuff. Personally, I think you'll find that faith pretty soon because you've finally realized you need it, and you've opened your soul up enough to let something in.

I've gotta ask you one thing: do you actually believe you deserve to be loved?

True, everyone’s journey is a unique universe unto itself. Still, I find myself drawn to those here who face struggles similar to mine. I am looking to learn from their experiences—not to mirror them, but to take the wisdom they have gained and offer back my own realizations, much like fitting together pieces of a puzzle so we can all understand and overcome. It serves as both emotional support and a source of motivation.

Every one of us is a vast cosmos on our own, so it feels futile to offer "advice" right now, since people generally only hear what they are looking for. What you truly need is to feel the resonance of another soul. It isn't about listening to the specific words being spoken, but rather just hearing that someone else is speaking at all. You need faith—and I don't mean religious dogma. I believe you will find that faith soon enough, because you have finally realized its necessity and opened your heart to let something in.

If you aren't ready to listen, then yes, you'll only hear what you want to hear. Personally, I don't think I've ever been more prepared than I am now.

I have a question for you: do you believe you deserve love?

Absolutely. I have never been a bad person. In fact, in a way, I am grateful for this "experience." When you approach people and life's situations with genuine empathy, you gain the capacity to be of service to others. That is exactly how I want to spend the rest of my days. So, I believe the answer is yes. 🙂

What about you? It seems to me that you are still resisting something.
David Vaughn75 David Vaughn75 Regular
626 messages
joined Sep 2015
#8 ·
Brian Hayes43 said:True, everyone’s journey is a unique universe unto itself. Still, I find myself drawn to those here who face struggles similar to mine. I am looking to learn from their experiences—not to mirror them, but to take the wisdom they have gained and offer back my own realizations, much like fitting together pieces of a puzzle so we can all understand and overcome. It serves as both emotional support and a source of motivation.

Every one of us is a vast cosmos on our own, so it feels futile to offer "advice" right now, since people generally only hear what they are looking for. What you truly need is to feel the resonance of another soul. It isn't about listening to the specific words being spoken, but rather just hearing that someone else is speaking at all. You need faith—and I don't mean religious dogma. I believe you will find that faith soon enough, because you have finally realized its necessity and opened your heart to let something in.

If you aren't ready to listen, then yes, you'll only hear what you want to hear. Personally, I don't think I've ever been more prepared than I am now.

I have a question for you: do you believe you deserve love?

Absolutely. I have never been a bad person. In fact, in a way, I am grateful for this "experience." When you approach people and life's situations with genuine empathy, you gain the capacity to be of service to others. That is exactly how I want to spend the rest of my days. So, I believe the answer is yes. 🙂

What about you? It seems to me that you are still resisting something.

That's actually a great way to look at it. Just by wanting to help others out, you've basically already done half the legwork.😉

Hell yeah. I was never a bad guy. If anything, part of me is almost glad I went through this "experience." When you approach people and situations with actual empathy, you gain the ability to truly help. And honestly? That’s exactly how I want to spend the rest of my days. So, yeah, I think so.

What about you? To me, it feels like you're still holding something back.

Ugh, man, my story is such a massive, tangled mess—it would take us days just to scratch the surface of the basics.

Look, all I'm trying to tell you is: stop overanalyzing the problem until you're blue in the face. It won't change a thing. Just listen to someone's soul for a minute and let yourself feel the music of the heart. Because that connection? That rhythm? It always goes both ways.🙂
Brian Hayes43 Brian Hayes43 MemberOP
39 messages
joined Mar 2013
#9 ·
David Vaughn75 said:That's actually a great way to look at it. Just by wanting to help others out, you've basically already done half the legwork.😉

Hell yeah. I was never a bad guy. If anything, part of me is almost glad I went through this "experience." When you approach people and situations with actual empathy, you gain the ability to truly help. And honestly? That’s exactly how I want to spend the rest of my days. So, yeah, I think so.

What about you? To me, it feels like you're still holding something back.

Ugh, man, my story is such a massive, tangled mess—it would take us days just to scratch the surface of the basics.

Look, all I'm trying to tell you is: stop overanalyzing the problem until you're blue in the face. It won't change a thing. Just listen to someone's soul for a minute and let yourself feel the music of the heart. Because that connection? That rhythm? It always goes both ways.🙂

Do you think it might actually help if you tried shaking loose just the most essential details, much like I did? Perhaps there is a lingering fear of being identified by others. Personally, I finally gathered my courage and laid everything out on the table—my age, where I live, even my name: Vedran.

In my experience, taking that leap feels like the most vital step toward progress. It’s about saying, "Here I am, these are my vulnerabilities, and I am stepping up to face them head-on."
Matthew White4 Matthew White4 Active Member
93 messages
joined Dec 2008
#10 ·
Clint, man, you really did something huge by laying all this out. I see the grind you're putting in, and I respect the hell out of it.
Look, this isn't on you. Life just dealt you a rough hand, and sometimes you get stuck with cards you didn't ask for. Now, it’s just about playing them smart.
It’s obvious you’ve got your head on straight. You’ve looked yourself in the mirror, faced your past, owned your mess, and decided to actually fix things. It is never too late for that!
You deserve some wins, honestly. You deserve a good life. It's entirely up to you to go out there and grab it.

First thing's first: education. Start with night school. And seriously, don't let anyone—including yourself—tell you otherwise: you're more than capable. Get that high school diploma squared away. Since you're already pretty sharp with computers, maybe lean into that...
Grab any job you can find to get some cash flowing. Seriously, anything. Every single gig teaches you something new, and meeting different types of people actually makes you a better person.
And hey, be brave enough to finally hit up the dentist. Yeah, it sucks for a minute, but it'll pass like a river under a bridge, and it'll make a world of difference. Get that smile back. You're young, and there's a great life waiting for you. Even when everything in this country feels like a total circus and nothing seems to be working right, just remember that real happiness comes from within.

I'm rooting for you. You deserve it. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how many times we trip and fall; what matters is how many times we get back up.
And you? You can definitely do this.
Brian Hayes43 Brian Hayes43 MemberOP
39 messages
joined Mar 2013
#11 ·
Thank you so much; I am going to give this my absolute all and get started right away. You have my word.
Brandon Lopez6 Brandon Lopez6 Regular
656 messages
joined Feb 2010
#12 ·
You’ve got a massive talent for storytelling. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I sat through a post this long without checking out five times because of boredom. But you actually kept me glued to the screen—you basically "forced" me to finish your story.

I haven't lived through what you have, but we’re definitely siblings when it comes to having too much confidence and being way too mouthy. So, there's that.

I kind of get what you're saying, but also I don't. On one hand, I feel your vibe, but on the other, I haven't been in your shoes, and my own life hasn't really touched any of this stuff either. So, I can't just drop a "totally get you, just do this and that, I'm the same way, everything will be fine" line.

I’m not gonna dump my whole life story here right now—I can if I need to, nothing wrong with that—but when someone opens up like this, I’m happy to answer whatever they throw at me. If you want, we can move this to DMs, or just keep chatting here. I've got some questions for you, so tell me: do you find it easier to talk "privately" or keep it public? (There, that's the first question 😁)
Jason Fisher59 Jason Fisher59 Member
12 messages
joined Mar 2013
#13 ·
I’m jumping in here to back up Clint—hang in there, keep your chin up, and just keep pushing forward. Honestly, what else is there to say?
David Vaughn75 David Vaughn75 Regular
626 messages
joined Sep 2015
#14 ·
Brian Hayes43 said:Do you think it might actually help if you tried shaking loose just the most essential details, much like I did? Perhaps there is a lingering fear of being identified by others. Personally, I finally gathered my courage and laid everything out on the table—my age, where I live, even my name: Vedran.

In my experience, taking that leap feels like the most vital step toward progress. It’s about saying, "Here I am, these are my vulnerabilities, and I am stepping up to face them head-on."

What good is it for me to vent my guts out to you?
I'm a textbook psychotic—living proof that karma (or whatever you want to call this sickness) catches up to everyone, no matter how high up they are in life.

I've already played myself by repeating this a hundred times, but honestly, the only thing that can pull you through is holding onto any shred of faith in the good stuff left in this world. Go see a psychiatrist and tell them every single, messy detail about what's going on.

And don't sweat being hospitalized. Seriously. I met some absolute legends in the psych ward that I still hang out with today.
Nicholas Gonzalez8 Nicholas Gonzalez8 Regular
293 messages
joined Feb 2015
#15 ·
Look, man, listen to me. Other people can throw some advice your way, and sure, someone might step up to help you out every now and then—that happens. But at the end of the day? Your life is on you. It’s entirely up to you. Every single thought, every emotion, every choice, and every action you take—it all ripples out and shapes the reality you're living in. So, you gotta value every second of it and be damn smart about what you do and how you do it. You've already seen for yourself that making just a few solid decisions can flip the script and bring some real positive changes into your world.

And hey, don't beat yourself up over not having a high school diploma. Seriously. I know plenty of people out there with fancy degrees from places like Harvard or Yale who still can't find a decent job to save their lives. Just keep teaching yourself. Dive deep into learning about life in general, and specifically whatever it is you actually enjoy doing. You've got computer skills, right? Well, try to turn those into cash online. Throw your services out there on freelance sites, or better yet, reach out directly to people who clearly need the help. For instance, find a website that has great content but looks like it was designed in 1995, and offer to fix the layout. At the same time, keep hunting for a steady gig, and once you've scraped some money together, maybe pay for a certification course so you have something official to show for it.

Cut out the smoking and the drugs, and get away from the crowd that's stuck in that lifestyle. Start looking for—and meeting—people who are successful, sharp, and genuinely good human beings. If you run into someone who doesn't fit that mold, don't waste your breath; just keep moving. The people who go looking are the ones who actually find what they're searching for.

Lastly, find something that actually makes you happy. Learn how to enjoy life and be grateful for the little things. People think happiness comes after success, but it's the other way around—happiness is the foundation you build success upon. Since you mentioned you've dabbled in meditation and studying certain topics, you probably get exactly what I'm driving at here.

As for the communication stuff—don't sweat it, just face it head-on. Try to clean yourself up a bit, get out there, and start talking to people. You don't need to walk in there trying to impress them or force a connection right off the bat. The whole point is just to sharpen those social skills and conquer that fear hanging over your head.

Good luck. 🙂
shadoweagle39 shadoweagle39 Newcomer
2 messages
joined Mar 2013
#16 ·
First off—thanks.
It takes guts to be this transparent about who you are. It isn’t even about being recognized; it’s because telling your own story is a necessary step toward facing yourself and the internal chaos we all deal with.

Second—you’re smart, articulate, emotionally intelligent, literate, and above all, a decent guy. I don't see what's stopping you from moving forward.

Third—actually, I do see it. Your self-confidence is shot. Take a look around and list the people whose opinions actually matter to you.
The voices on the radio, the internet, Twitter? Do you honestly think any of them are "better" than you? Are they important enough to ruin your life over their opinions? None of them have ever paid your bills or cared about your well-being. They aren't factors in your life.

Fourth—getting kicked to the curb is progress. If they walked away, just tell them thanks.
Brian Hayes43 Brian Hayes43 MemberOP
39 messages
joined Mar 2013
#17 ·
shadoweagle39 said:First off—thanks.
It takes guts to be this transparent about who you are. It isn’t even about being recognized; it’s because telling your own story is a necessary step toward facing yourself and the internal chaos we all deal with.

Second—you’re smart, articulate, emotionally intelligent, literate, and above all, a decent guy. I don't see what's stopping you from moving forward.

Third—actually, I do see it. Your self-confidence is shot. Take a look around and list the people whose opinions actually matter to you.
The voices on the radio, the internet, Twitter? Do you honestly think any of them are "better" than you? Are they important enough to ruin your life over their opinions? None of them have ever paid your bills or cared about your well-being. They aren't factors in your life.

Fourth—getting kicked to the curb is progress. If they walked away, just tell them thanks.

I hear you loud and clear. It’s tough to find your momentum when you're flying solo, but things are finally starting to move. I needed that dose of blunt reality rather than some sugar-coated version of the truth. Thanks for having my back.

I guess there's a little bit of everything here—emojis, applause, and even some debate over which kind of pain is more productive.
Best of luck to everyone out there.
shadoweagle39 shadoweagle39 Newcomer
2 messages
joined Mar 2013
#18 ·
Brian Hayes43 said:I hear you loud and clear. It’s tough to find your momentum when you're flying solo, but things are finally starting to move. I needed that dose of blunt reality rather than some sugar-coated version of the truth. Thanks for having my back.

I guess there's a little bit of everything here—emojis, applause, and even some debate over which kind of pain is more productive.
Best of luck to everyone out there.

And one more thing... you aren't solo. Not ever.
Willpower is the only metric that matters. We only truly lose what we choose to let go of.
Surround yourself with people who will help rebuild that drive when yours runs dry.😉
Larry Campbell Larry Campbell Member
16 messages
joined Mar 2013
#19 ·
Hey, Vince!
Take a good, hard look at everything you just wrote... it takes a rare kind of courage and actual intelligence to say those things, and honestly, you're making sense. May this be nothing more than the starting point for you to finally go after what you want and build the life you've been dreaming of.
Brian Hayes43 Brian Hayes43 MemberOP
39 messages
joined Mar 2013
#20 ·
Larry Campbell said:Hey, Vince!
Take a good, hard look at everything you just wrote... it takes a rare kind of courage and actual intelligence to say those things, and honestly, you're making sense. May this be nothing more than the starting point for you to finally go after what you want and build the life you've been dreaming of.

It also requires immense stamina. When you spend years in isolation, whether you realize it or not, you risk losing that essential edge and the practical life experience needed to function in the real world. A few people have reached out via DM offering to talk, but honestly, I don't think many people grasp just how precarious my situation actually is.

To summarize:

I don't have a single acquaintance, let alone a friend. The last people I was close with were back in my teenage years. Should I reach out to them? They probably have kids in elementary school by now. And should I try joining a local youth group at a church? It's not that I'm picky about who I associate with, but I simply can't bring myself to fit into a crowd that chooses blind faith over critical thinking, no matter how much they push it. I apologize if that offends anyone.

I don't have a high school diploma, which makes finding steady work nearly impossible. My plan is to enroll in an adult education program this fall, but I'm short on funds. My mom is currently taking out a loan just to help me cover dental work. Sometimes I feel like telling her to save that money instead, because I'm not sure I can pull all of this off. I can't see myself doing manual labor for the rest of my life. I tried working as an electrician, but listening to the guys on the construction site—who can barely communicate properly—was overwhelming. I wonder if I'm being hypocritical for feeling that way.

I have nothing to call my own. I have exactly one computer, which I bought with the money I earned during my last attempt to reintegrate into society before I gave up out of frustration. Everything else was provided for me. I'm wearing old clothes, I don't have my own apartment or a car, and even at thirty, I'm still sleeping in my childhood bedroom.

How does someone start from absolute zero at age thirty? To be perfectly honest, I have no idea how I'll manage, but I am taking steps forward. I'm moving quietly, heading toward an unknown destination. Ultimately, I hope that one day, my persistence might serve as a blueprint for someone else facing similar odds, though I can't guarantee success just yet.

Anyway, I have to head to the dentist now.

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