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Student-teacher dynamics vs. parent-teacher dynamics

Started by Jessica Howard5 · · 👁 31 views · 874 replies

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Participants Jessica Howard5jadetinker85Andrew Rivera3Sarah James4Linda Price5Nicholas KingJason Ortiz5Peter Doyle2Charles Murphy6rowdypanther12wanderinggardener12Paul Wilson72urbantinker8copperheron18Sean FoxSusan JamesEmily Gonzalez51James Perez54Karen Rodriguez3Kate Cox2rustydrifter10nimblelynx7Karen Richardson3copperpuma11 …
Alex Barnes8 Alex Barnes8 Active Member
131 messages
joined Nov 2010
#661 ·
copperlynx22 said:Don't lose track of the clock (😁); the opening post mentioned the child already changed schools. 🙂

Generally speaking, I can't help but feel this whole discussion wouldn't even exist if the teacher had sincerely apologized and owned up to her error. This isn't about a mother seeking vengeance; it's about a desire for the teacher to genuinely realize that treating a student this way is unacceptable. Because that acknowledgment never came, the mother is understandably bitter.
(That is just my take, though I don't actually know what the original poster is thinking).

It just occurred to me that a teacher at my high school once called a girl stupid.
But he apologized right away, and it never happened again.
There was no trip to the principal's office or anything.
He just looked genuinely ashamed, like he knew it wasn't okay.
I suppose if someone doesn't have that kind of conscience, they'll probably just do it again.
copperlynx22 copperlynx22 Member
14 messages
joined Sep 2013
#662 ·
Precisely my thoughts. I've experienced this myself—though perhaps not with such dramatic flair: I make a mistake, realize I’ve tripped up, and immediately feel that pang of regret. I apologize, we clear the air, and eventually, everyone ends up offering each other a bit of mutual comfort. 😬

The situation as described feels more like a power struggle or someone being unnecessarily difficult over a triviality. Since we weren't there to witness the actual events, I can only offer this as my personal impression.
Rachel Jones8 Rachel Jones8 Active Member
220 messages
joined Dec 2011
#663 ·
Persephone... so how did that whole thing with the watch actually end? What happened after she asked if he was playing dumb?
Thomas Barrett84 Thomas Barrett84 Newcomer
9 messages
joined Apr 2010
#664 ·
wanderingbadger44 said:It’ll be the whole class traveling together, likely moving from a smaller rural district over to a larger hub like Chicago or maybe Atlanta.

If he hasn't even finished the entire school year yet, I just don't see how his mother could claim to be on such good terms with those parents. It feels like there simply hasn't been enough time in a single school year for that kind of bond to actually form.
Rachel Jones8 said:
I can't help but feel that none of these discussions would even be happening if the teacher had just been honest and owned up to her mistake from the start.
Hjao, I have to admit, I find myself completely captivated by this whole discussion.😁 How would you even go about measuring if her apology is actually genuine? I wonder if we’d need a polygraph test or something just to find out the truth.

Rachel Jones8 said:
It feels a bit like watching a rhinoceros charge through a glass house—all that heavy, unstoppable momentum just crashing into everything in its path without any regard for the delicate things it leaves behind. kaže:
I’ve been scrolling through the threads for a while now, trying to find that specific post where someone was asking about getting married or dealing with a cancellation, but I just can't seem to track it down.
But honestly, I just can't bring myself to do it.
🤷
I honestly can’t seem to find a single thread where anyone actually defends her actions or considers what she did to be the right way to handle things. 🤷 I feel like I could spend all day scrolling through dozens of different forums where people are constantly being threatened with termination.

It’s almost like there wouldn’t even be a need to offer an apology to a child who hasn't done anything wrong, because if the mistake never happened in the first place, you wouldn't find yourself in a position where an apology is necessary. In a perfect world, the kid would just look over what was written, spot the error themselves, and either fix it right then or reach out to talk about it.

It feels like there’s an underlying implication in what you’re saying, almost as if you’re suggesting she’s hurting the kids just because of the sports they play.
Rachel Jones8 said:
It’s funny how some things just strike you with such heavy, unmovable force, much like the sheer weight of a rhino charging through the brush. I'm not sure I follow what you mean by that.
In my view, it’s perfectly fine if the boy didn't explicitly say, "I made a mistake because of my dyslexia," nor did his classmates step in to tell the teacher, "Just so you know, he struggles with dyslexia."😕
If she doesn't have that specific insight, what is she even supposed to do with it?
Following that line of reasoning, there wouldn't be any need for her to receive formal written documentation either. What purpose would that serve?

Oh, brilliant. 👏
Maybe take a breath before you confidently claim that kids without dyslexia—or any other learning difference—always, immediately, and perfectly catch and correct their own mistakes right under a teacher's nose.

I remember plenty of times standing up at the chalkboard, totally freezing, and blabbing something stupid I’d never normally say. Or accidentally writing a 3 instead of an 8 and reading it as an 8.

And as for this whole "implying she insults kids over sports" thing... 🤦
crimsongull20 crimsongull20 Active Member
84 messages
joined May 2004
#665 ·
Thomas Barrett84 said:Oh, brilliant. 👏
Maybe take a breath before you confidently claim that kids without dyslexia—or any other learning difference—always, immediately, and perfectly catch and correct their own mistakes right under a teacher's nose.

I remember plenty of times standing up at the chalkboard, totally freezing, and blabbing something stupid I’d never normally say. Or accidentally writing a 3 instead of an 8 and reading it as an 8.

And as for this whole "implying she insults kids over sports" thing... 🤦

I remember too. That's why I never volunteer to speak in front of a crowd.
Alex Barnes8 Alex Barnes8 Active Member
131 messages
joined Nov 2010
#666 ·
wanderingbadger44 said:It’ll be the whole class traveling together, likely moving from a smaller rural district over to a larger hub like Chicago or maybe Atlanta.

If he hasn't even finished the entire school year yet, I just don't see how his mother could claim to be on such good terms with those parents. It feels like there simply hasn't been enough time in a single school year for that kind of bond to actually form.
Rachel Jones8 said:
I can't help but feel that none of these discussions would even be happening if the teacher had just been honest and owned up to her mistake from the start.
Hjao, I have to admit, I find myself completely captivated by this whole discussion.😁 How would you even go about measuring if her apology is actually genuine? I wonder if we’d need a polygraph test or something just to find out the truth.

Rachel Jones8 said:
It feels a bit like watching a rhinoceros charge through a glass house—all that heavy, unstoppable momentum just crashing into everything in its path without any regard for the delicate things it leaves behind. kaže:
I’ve been scrolling through the threads for a while now, trying to find that specific post where someone was asking about getting married or dealing with a cancellation, but I just can't seem to track it down.
But honestly, I just can't bring myself to do it.
🤷
I honestly can’t seem to find a single thread where anyone actually defends her actions or considers what she did to be the right way to handle things. 🤷 I feel like I could spend all day scrolling through dozens of different forums where people are constantly being threatened with termination.

It’s almost like there wouldn’t even be a need to offer an apology to a child who hasn't done anything wrong, because if the mistake never happened in the first place, you wouldn't find yourself in a position where an apology is necessary. In a perfect world, the kid would just look over what was written, spot the error themselves, and either fix it right then or reach out to talk about it.

It feels like there’s an underlying implication in what you’re saying, almost as if you’re suggesting she’s hurting the kids just because of the sports they play.
Rachel Jones8 said:
It’s funny how some things just strike you with such heavy, unmovable force, much like the sheer weight of a rhino charging through the brush. I'm not sure I follow what you mean by that.
In my view, it’s perfectly fine if the boy didn't explicitly say, "I made a mistake because of my dyslexia," nor did his classmates step in to tell the teacher, "Just so you know, he struggles with dyslexia."😕
If she doesn't have that specific insight, what is she even supposed to do with it?
Following that line of reasoning, there wouldn't be any need for her to receive formal written documentation either. What purpose would that serve?

I still don't really get why you're digging your heels in on this. 🤷
What is he even supposed to say in that situation?
It’s not like this is the first time a kid has gone quiet because they're stumped.

Whether he stays silent or not, it isn't an excuse for her to call him stupid.
Your wording implies she insults kids specifically because of sports.

And what else do people insult others for, if not sports?
Maybe just a misplaced need to be right? 😁
wanderingbadger44 wanderingbadger44 Active Member
215 messages
joined Feb 2023
#667 ·
Alex Barnes8 said:I still don't really get why you're digging your heels in on this. 🤷
What is he even supposed to say in that situation?
It’s not like this is the first time a kid has gone quiet because they're stumped.

Whether he stays silent or not, it isn't an excuse for her to call him stupid.
Your wording implies she insults kids specifically because of sports.

And what else do people insult others for, if not sports?
Maybe just a misplaced need to be right? 😁

At the end of the day, I'm just pointing out what seems pretty obvious to everyone here. 😁 Her reaction was completely inappropriate—and I want to emphasize that: INAPPROPRIATE—because it was triggered by how the child acted.

She wasn't grilling him on advanced calculus or anything complex like that. It's like when a student freezes up during a basic quiz because they didn't study the material they were supposed to learn; it's a common response. She was asking something incredibly simple, and kids usually have some kind of reaction when you ask them to double-check their work.

Her outburst didn't just happen in a vacuum. I could just as easily turn the question back on you and ask why you're so convinced she's saying these things out of habit, malice, or just for the sake of it.
Daniel Gomez10 Daniel Gomez10 Active Member
74 messages
joined Jul 2012
#668 ·
Hey everyone, let’s try to stick to the topic instead of picking on each other. It’ll definitely help keep things from crossing that line into trolling, which we’ve seen happen way too often lately.
I’m not going to hand out any bans this time, but if the attitude stays like this, I’ll have to move from warnings to weekly suspensions.
Thanks!
Alex Barnes8 Alex Barnes8 Active Member
131 messages
joined Nov 2010
#669 ·
wanderingbadger44 said:At the end of the day, I'm just pointing out what seems pretty obvious to everyone here. 😁 Her reaction was completely inappropriate—and I want to emphasize that: INAPPROPRIATE—because it was triggered by how the child acted.

She wasn't grilling him on advanced calculus or anything complex like that. It's like when a student freezes up during a basic quiz because they didn't study the material they were supposed to learn; it's a common response. She was asking something incredibly simple, and kids usually have some kind of reaction when you ask them to double-check their work.

Her outburst didn't just happen in a vacuum. I could just as easily turn the question back on you and ask why you're so convinced she's saying these things out of habit, malice, or just for the sake of it.

What kind of behavior?
The kid either stayed silent because he didn't know the answer or because he was confused.
Both happen every single day, I guess.
The mother isn't upset over a bad grade; she’s mad because the teacher insulted her son's intelligence.
To me, it seems foolish for adults to shift all the responsibility onto a child.
Her reaction didn't come out of nowhere. I could ask you why you're insisting she's doing this out of habit, malice, or just for no reason at all.

I'm not insisting.
I'm actually among those who think she should be forgiven and given a chance.

What do you think? Why do people insult others?

Maybe it was just an outburst from pure frustration.
But I don't see a child here doing anything particularly wrong.
And if the teacher hasn't realized how wrong she was, her improvement probably won't last long.

If this is someone who constantly insults people to build "authority"—then yeah, maybe they're just a mean person who does it for sport.
wanderingbadger44 wanderingbadger44 Active Member
215 messages
joined Feb 2023
#670 ·
Alex Barnes8 said:What kind of behavior?
The kid either stayed silent because he didn't know the answer or because he was confused.
Both happen every single day, I guess.
The mother isn't upset over a bad grade; she’s mad because the teacher insulted her son's intelligence.
To me, it seems foolish for adults to shift all the responsibility onto a child.
Her reaction didn't come out of nowhere. I could ask you why you're insisting she's doing this out of habit, malice, or just for no reason at all.

I'm not insisting.
I'm actually among those who think she should be forgiven and given a chance.

What do you think? Why do people insult others?

Maybe it was just an outburst from pure frustration.
But I don't see a child here doing anything particularly wrong.
And if the teacher hasn't realized how wrong she was, her improvement probably won't last long.

If this is someone who constantly insults people to build "authority"—then yeah, maybe they're just a mean person who does it for sport.

Sorry, but am I really the only one here who thinks this kid is just being thick?

What kind of "ignorance" are we even talking about? The kid wrote a sentence on the chalkboard. He messed it up. How much actual knowledge does it take to read a sentence you just wrote? Did his fifth-grade teacher forget to teach him how to read and write? It's just wild to me that she could expect that from a ten-year-old.

He was overwhelmed?
I’m asking again, and my post will probably get flagged for it anyway: did this kid suddenly develop dyslexia during that specific lesson, or has he been dealing with it all along? Has he ever run into a situation before where he misread or misspelled something? Has he? You can't just assume, based on what happened after the teacher told him to reread and fix it, that he likely made the exact same mistake again and simply couldn't see it.

If he can't see the error, then the teacher reached the right conclusion—that he's struggling—she just shouldn't have said it like that. ☕

Oh, so he was embarrassed in front of the class. 🙄
But wasn't it you who said it's a problem if someone hides something for four years and keeps it a secret from everyone else? Is dyslexia some kind of shameful thing?

If that's how he was raised to view it, then the poor kid is just stuck. 😢

edit: Not you, but Katy Perry concluded that it's a serious issue if a child hasn't learned to manage dyslexia in earlier grades and has been forced to hide it.
Jason Ortiz5 Jason Ortiz5 Regular
325 messages
joined Mar 2025
#671 ·
I’m going to go on a bit of a rant here, but honestly, this feels like it’s all tied back to how teachers view their students...

Back during the first parent-teacher meeting in first grade, I made my stance crystal clear to the teacher: I don't care about the grades; I care about actual learning. My reason? Well, she started nitpicking during PE; like, "she’s trying hard, but some moves aren't quite there," or "her form could be better," or "that candle pose needs work..." I told her straight up that as long as my daughter is putting in the effort, the PE grade is secondary to me, provided it stays at a C or better. We talked about other subjects too, and I reiterated that I want my kid to actually absorb the material—I’m not looking for any coddling or empty praise. We had similar chats during subsequent meetings.

Throughout the year, she mostly pulled A's. There were a few B's here and there, but overall, the grades were totally fine. For PE, we were expecting a C or maybe a B if we were being generous, and nobody was sweating it. But when the report card finally came home, I was floored. My girl had straight A's (which, let's be honest, she would have earned anyway, minus the PE thing), but there was also an elective listed that she hasn't even heard of, let alone attended. 😲 So, there I was, having to explain to my little one that I have no clue why that showed up, that it wasn't right, and that she shouldn't have been signed up for something without being asked. I don't even dare say anything to the teacher because my daughter still has three years of elementary school left to get through. And believe me, I have plenty to say. ☕

So, I’m asking any educators out there to please explain the motivation and the logic behind this teacher's actions. Aside from the fact that nobody asked for this, I think it could actually be harmful. At best, it just makes zero sense to me. 🤷

No one ever asked the teacher to inflate any grades. I truly thought the teacher and I were on the same page regarding the balance of knowledge, effort, and grading. Our talks were always pleasant; we’d even share a laugh. I genuinely felt our communication was constructive and that we were working well together. Instead, I ended up having to sit my child down and explain that her teacher made a mistake. 😵
Jason Ortiz5 Jason Ortiz5 Regular
325 messages
joined Mar 2025
#672 ·
By the way, isn't giving a bad grade actually a fair response to just not knowing the material? I mean, setting aside the dyslexia issue for a second, is this teacher experiencing student ignorance for the very first time? Probably not. Yet, every single time a kid doesn't know an answer, she asks if they're just being dim or if they're playing dumb.

Maybe teaching just isn't her calling after all. She should probably just pivot careers and become another Jason Betts. :coffee
amberskipper3 amberskipper3 Active Member
61 messages
joined Jul 2010
#673 ·
wanderingbadger44 said:I honestly believe we're witnessing a slow but steady shift in the cultural tide. It’s going to take reaching a certain tipping point where enough parents start demanding actual substance and real academic rigor from our schools for their kids. Right now, though, those types of families and students are still very much in the minority.

It feels like we’re watching a slow-motion train wreck when you look at how low American students' literacy and math scores have fallen lately. It’s honestly pretty alarming, and while we’re sliding downhill, you can already see certain parents starting to push for a shift in the system. There’s this growing idea that we need to move toward private education, but not just any private schools—we need ones that offer the exact opposite of what the current public system provides. Instead of coasting, these schools would focus on building deep, rigorous knowledge and instilling actual work ethic and a sense of responsibility, much like the high standards you see in successful educational models overseas.

It’s much like how some families choose to bypass the local public school system entirely, opting instead for elite private academies because they have the financial means to do so. We see plenty of students enrolling in our private institutions who might not have met the rigorous academic benchmarks required by the major state universities, or perhaps they simply find the intense pressure of a high-stakes public high school to be a bit too overwhelming for their learning style.

Right now, parents are essentially footing the bill for the privilege of just getting through high school. We’re going to have to hit an even lower point before we see a shift where parents actually start paying for specialized programs that prioritize real-world skills and actual expertise, but I truly believe that transition is coming.

It feels like we’re just moments away from finally hitting rock bottom.

And hey, maybe we’ll also see a critical mass of educators who just refuse to work under these current conditions.
They’ll simply stay home because they’re fed up with parents sending kids to school expecting them to come back smart, educated, and capable when the system isn't providing it.
They’re tired of a government that can't organize a system where being a teacher isn't just a job anyone can stumble into because nobody actually *wants* to be there.
They’re sick of being trashed by everyone from every direction, especially since you never hear about people who actually love this job and do it well.
They’ve had enough of education being treated like the lowest priority, when it’s blatantly obvious that this is the one field where the entire future is built.
Kate Cox2 Kate Cox2 Active Member
152 messages
joined Aug 2009
#674 ·
I find myself quite compelled by the sheer complexity of these discussions! It truly is fascinating how we all approach these topics from such wildly different perspectives. I simply must express my sincere admiration for the depth of thought being poured into this thread—it is nothing short of remarkable. kaže:
I shall allow myself a brief moment of deviation from the primary topic, if I may, though I firmly believe this issue is inextricably linked to the general attitude many educators hold toward their students.

During my very first parent-teacher conference when my daughter started first grade, I made my position incredibly clear to her teacher: I am not interested in grades; I am interested in actual knowledge. My reasoning for this was quite simple—the teacher had begun focusing far too much on physical education performance. She started making these little comments about how my daughter was trying her best, but that certain movements weren't quite right, or her form in a specific exercise could be improved, or perhaps her balance wasn't where it should be. I told her point-blank that what matters to me is that my child is putting in the effort, and as long as she maintains at least a C in PE, the specific grade is secondary to me. We eventually moved on to discussing other subjects, and I reiterated my stance: I want my child to actually master the material. I have absolutely no interest in any sort of coddling, empty praise, or being patronized by the faculty. I believe in substance over fluff. This wasn't just a one-time occurrence, either; I held myself to this same standard during every subsequent conference throughout the year.

For most of the school year, the report cards were almost entirely straight A's. We saw a few B's here and there, but looking at the big picture, the grades were perfectly fine. To be honest, we weren't even worried about PE; we fully expected a C or maybe a B if the teacher was feeling generous, but nobody really gave it a second thought. However, when the official transcript finally arrived at our house, I was absolutely floored. My daughter had managed to pull off nothing but A's—which, let’s be real, she would have done anyway, barring that physical education grade—but then I noticed something else entirely. There was an extracurricular activity listed on there that she apparently attended regularly, yet she hadn't uttered a single word about its existence! It was quite a shock to see her participation recorded for something she hadn't even mentioned to us. 😲 And then I found myself having to sit my daughter down and explain that I had absolutely no idea where this sudden behavior came from. I had to make it very clear to her that what she did was simply not okay—that receiving unearned praise or attention isn't how things work in the real world. It’s quite a difficult conversation to have with a child! As for the teacher, I find myself in a bit of a bind. I don't dare say a single word to her because, frankly, my little girl still has three more years of elementary school left to navigate. I really want to speak up about the situation, but I have to weigh that against her daily experience in the classroom. Honestly, if I could get some proper compensation for the emotional labor of fixing these behavioral lapses, I certainly wouldn't be complaining! ☕

I am earnestly requesting that anyone with a bit of pedagogical expertise please enlighten me regarding this teacher's motives and her specific course of action. I am truly struggling to wrap my head around it. There was absolutely no request made for this particular intervention—in fact, I would go so far as to suggest it could actually be quite detrimental to the student. At the very least, from my perspective, the entire exercise seems utterly nonsensical. 🤷

I never once approached the teacher to ask for a grade bump; honestly, I felt like she and I were actually on the same page regarding how one should balance actual knowledge against effort and final marks. Our discussions were always perfectly cordial—we’d even share a laugh now and then—and I truly believed our communication was constructive and that we had established a great rapport. Yet, somehow, the whole thing spiraled, and I ended up sitting there having to explain to my child that their teacher had made a mistake. 😵

It is entirely possible that a school policy allows for students to receive special commendations or awards—say, for exemplary behavior or maintaining a perfect 4.0 GPA—and yet, a teacher might feel genuinely torn because their student missed out on that recognition solely due to a single lackluster grade in Physical Education. It’s a peculiar dilemma, isn't it? You have this child who is essentially a model citizen, demonstrating impeccable conduct and academic excellence in every core subject, only to have the entire achievement undercut by a mediocre mark in gym class. One would think such a holistic view would be taken, but sometimes those specific grading rubrics can be quite unforgiving!
It is entirely possible that she has come to the conclusion that her physical exertion alone warrants that A, even if her ability to execute a perfect roll remains somewhat lacking. But, one must consider—she truly gave it her all, didn't she? And I firmly believe that such genuine effort deserves to be recognized and rewarded accordingly.
It is entirely plausible that a woman might have endured numerous uncomfortable confrontations with her parents regarding her grades during her formative years. If she faced constant scrutiny or criticism over her academic performance growing up, she likely developed a subconscious defense mechanism. Essentially, she learned early on how to "cover" her tracks or curate the information she shares just to preemptively avoid those unpleasant domestic frictions. It becomes a survival strategy—masking the reality to maintain peace.
Regarding those extracurricular activities—it is entirely possible that a clerical error occurred during the transcript generation process. It’s quite plausible that the system inadvertently attached someone else's activity to her record, particularly if you are looking at printed transcripts from the school's management portal. If the teacher didn't catch the discrepancy during the review, the error remains. These technical glitches happen; sometimes the computer fails to pull the correct data, or worse, it pulls information that doesn't even exist for that specific student. It is simply a systemic hiccup. However, I should note that in our district, we have a very rigorous protocol in place. We mandate that at least three different staff members cross-reference everything between the daily attendance logs, the official permanent records, and the final report cards to ensure total accuracy. Because of this triple-check system, such errors are exceedingly rare here—and if they do occur, they are corrected almost instantly. If your school relies on a single teacher to manually verify all three sets of documents, it is much more likely that an oversight could slip through the cracks.
Furthermore, there is a distinct possibility that she is simply being eccentric. While I can somewhat wrap my head around the situation involving the number five, I fail to see any logical justification for fabricating an extracurricular activity out of thin air. To my mind, this strikes me as nothing more than a genuine mistake.

Did you ever get a chance to ask her about that?
Rachel Jones8 Rachel Jones8 Active Member
220 messages
joined Dec 2011
#675 ·
Kate Cox2 said:
I find myself quite compelled by the sheer complexity of these discussions! It truly is fascinating how we all approach these topics from such wildly different perspectives. I simply must express my sincere admiration for the depth of thought being poured into this thread—it is nothing short of remarkable. kaže:
I shall allow myself a brief moment of deviation from the primary topic, if I may, though I firmly believe this issue is inextricably linked to the general attitude many educators hold toward their students.

During my very first parent-teacher conference when my daughter started first grade, I made my position incredibly clear to her teacher: I am not interested in grades; I am interested in actual knowledge. My reasoning for this was quite simple—the teacher had begun focusing far too much on physical education performance. She started making these little comments about how my daughter was trying her best, but that certain movements weren't quite right, or her form in a specific exercise could be improved, or perhaps her balance wasn't where it should be. I told her point-blank that what matters to me is that my child is putting in the effort, and as long as she maintains at least a C in PE, the specific grade is secondary to me. We eventually moved on to discussing other subjects, and I reiterated my stance: I want my child to actually master the material. I have absolutely no interest in any sort of coddling, empty praise, or being patronized by the faculty. I believe in substance over fluff. This wasn't just a one-time occurrence, either; I held myself to this same standard during every subsequent conference throughout the year.

For most of the school year, the report cards were almost entirely straight A's. We saw a few B's here and there, but looking at the big picture, the grades were perfectly fine. To be honest, we weren't even worried about PE; we fully expected a C or maybe a B if the teacher was feeling generous, but nobody really gave it a second thought. However, when the official transcript finally arrived at our house, I was absolutely floored. My daughter had managed to pull off nothing but A's—which, let’s be real, she would have done anyway, barring that physical education grade—but then I noticed something else entirely. There was an extracurricular activity listed on there that she apparently attended regularly, yet she hadn't uttered a single word about its existence! It was quite a shock to see her participation recorded for something she hadn't even mentioned to us. 😲 And then I found myself having to sit my daughter down and explain that I had absolutely no idea where this sudden behavior came from. I had to make it very clear to her that what she did was simply not okay—that receiving unearned praise or attention isn't how things work in the real world. It’s quite a difficult conversation to have with a child! As for the teacher, I find myself in a bit of a bind. I don't dare say a single word to her because, frankly, my little girl still has three more years of elementary school left to navigate. I really want to speak up about the situation, but I have to weigh that against her daily experience in the classroom. Honestly, if I could get some proper compensation for the emotional labor of fixing these behavioral lapses, I certainly wouldn't be complaining! ☕

I am earnestly requesting that anyone with a bit of pedagogical expertise please enlighten me regarding this teacher's motives and her specific course of action. I am truly struggling to wrap my head around it. There was absolutely no request made for this particular intervention—in fact, I would go so far as to suggest it could actually be quite detrimental to the student. At the very least, from my perspective, the entire exercise seems utterly nonsensical. 🤷

I never once approached the teacher to ask for a grade bump; honestly, I felt like she and I were actually on the same page regarding how one should balance actual knowledge against effort and final marks. Our discussions were always perfectly cordial—we’d even share a laugh now and then—and I truly believed our communication was constructive and that we had established a great rapport. Yet, somehow, the whole thing spiraled, and I ended up sitting there having to explain to my child that their teacher had made a mistake. 😵

It is entirely possible that a school policy allows for students to receive special commendations or awards—say, for exemplary behavior or maintaining a perfect 4.0 GPA—and yet, a teacher might feel genuinely torn because their student missed out on that recognition solely due to a single lackluster grade in Physical Education. It’s a peculiar dilemma, isn't it? You have this child who is essentially a model citizen, demonstrating impeccable conduct and academic excellence in every core subject, only to have the entire achievement undercut by a mediocre mark in gym class. One would think such a holistic view would be taken, but sometimes those specific grading rubrics can be quite unforgiving!
It is entirely possible that she has come to the conclusion that her physical exertion alone warrants that A, even if her ability to execute a perfect roll remains somewhat lacking. But, one must consider—she truly gave it her all, didn't she? And I firmly believe that such genuine effort deserves to be recognized and rewarded accordingly.
It is entirely plausible that a woman might have endured numerous uncomfortable confrontations with her parents regarding her grades during her formative years. If she faced constant scrutiny or criticism over her academic performance growing up, she likely developed a subconscious defense mechanism. Essentially, she learned early on how to "cover" her tracks or curate the information she shares just to preemptively avoid those unpleasant domestic frictions. It becomes a survival strategy—masking the reality to maintain peace.
Regarding those extracurricular activities—it is entirely possible that a clerical error occurred during the transcript generation process. It’s quite plausible that the system inadvertently attached someone else's activity to her record, particularly if you are looking at printed transcripts from the school's management portal. If the teacher didn't catch the discrepancy during the review, the error remains. These technical glitches happen; sometimes the computer fails to pull the correct data, or worse, it pulls information that doesn't even exist for that specific student. It is simply a systemic hiccup. However, I should note that in our district, we have a very rigorous protocol in place. We mandate that at least three different staff members cross-reference everything between the daily attendance logs, the official permanent records, and the final report cards to ensure total accuracy. Because of this triple-check system, such errors are exceedingly rare here—and if they do occur, they are corrected almost instantly. If your school relies on a single teacher to manually verify all three sets of documents, it is much more likely that an oversight could slip through the cracks.
Furthermore, there is a distinct possibility that she is simply being eccentric. While I can somewhat wrap my head around the situation involving the number five, I fail to see any logical justification for fabricating an extracurricular activity out of thin air. To my mind, this strikes me as nothing more than a genuine mistake.

Did you ever get a chance to ask her about that?

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to the principal and push for some kind of discipline... maybe a formal warning or something?
Why not? 😁
Honestly... I really don't think it's good for a kid to get credit for stuff they didn't actually earn.
(though, if she seriously gave it her all in PE... then that A is probably deserved in my book)
Jason Ortiz5 Jason Ortiz5 Regular
325 messages
joined Mar 2025
#676 ·
Not extreme at all—I didn't even bring it up. I’m really not one to go looking for trouble unless there’s a serious reason to. We haven't even officially withdrawn her from the school registry yet, and the little one tells me she hasn't even heard anything about that specific activity. As for the idea that she was given a passing PE grade just because she's scared of how my parents or I might react? That doesn't fly with me. I told the teacher point-blank that grades only matter to me if they’re actually backed by performance. Honestly, I even told her directly that I don't care about the PE grade as long as it's a pass. In my book, PE should be a bigger part of the curriculum, but I don't see the point in grading it, and I'm certainly not going to stress out over it.

On top of all that, our teacher definitely doesn't come across as some poor, terrified woman. If anything, she loves bragging about how tough, ruthless, and demanding she is... that’s just her whole vibe. That’s actually why we wanted her in our daughter's class in the first place! But then, out of nowhere... 🤷
crimsongull20 crimsongull20 Active Member
84 messages
joined May 2004
#677 ·
Jason Ortiz5 said:Not extreme at all—I didn't even bring it up. I’m really not one to go looking for trouble unless there’s a serious reason to. We haven't even officially withdrawn her from the school registry yet, and the little one tells me she hasn't even heard anything about that specific activity. As for the idea that she was given a passing PE grade just because she's scared of how my parents or I might react? That doesn't fly with me. I told the teacher point-blank that grades only matter to me if they’re actually backed by performance. Honestly, I even told her directly that I don't care about the PE grade as long as it's a pass. In my book, PE should be a bigger part of the curriculum, but I don't see the point in grading it, and I'm certainly not going to stress out over it.

On top of all that, our teacher definitely doesn't come across as some poor, terrified woman. If anything, she loves bragging about how tough, ruthless, and demanding she is... that’s just her whole vibe. That’s actually why we wanted her in our daughter's class in the first place! But then, out of nowhere... 🤷

If you get a choice next time, just skip the ones who spend all their time bragging about themselves.
Jason Ortiz5 Jason Ortiz5 Regular
325 messages
joined Mar 2025
#678 ·
crimsongull20 said:If you get a choice next time, just skip the ones who spend all their time bragging about themselves.

She wasn't actually bragging about herself, though. We actually heard it from the other parents first, and it wasn't even a compliment. 🙂 Knowing how those families operate, we just figured they’d be right up our alley.
crimsongull20 crimsongull20 Active Member
84 messages
joined May 2004
#679 ·
Jason Ortiz5 said:She wasn't actually bragging about herself, though. We actually heard it from the other parents first, and it wasn't even a compliment. 🙂 Knowing how those families operate, we just figured they’d be right up our alley.

My little one is four and a half, and I'm already dreading her first teacher. It’s such a critical role in a kid's life. Mine was incredible. I'll never forget her, and I'm still grateful today. During every long break, she’d stay behind in the classroom with me just so I could finish my sandwich. She’d also bring me reading passages and assignments to work on while the rest of the class was just learning their ABCs. She did all of this on her own—nobody asked her to, and nobody gave her any credit for it.

I wonder if teachers like that even exist anymore...
Kate Cox2 Kate Cox2 Active Member
152 messages
joined Aug 2009
#680 ·
Jason Ortiz5 said:Not extreme at all—I didn't even bring it up. I’m really not one to go looking for trouble unless there’s a serious reason to. We haven't even officially withdrawn her from the school registry yet, and the little one tells me she hasn't even heard anything about that specific activity. As for the idea that she was given a passing PE grade just because she's scared of how my parents or I might react? That doesn't fly with me. I told the teacher point-blank that grades only matter to me if they’re actually backed by performance. Honestly, I even told her directly that I don't care about the PE grade as long as it's a pass. In my book, PE should be a bigger part of the curriculum, but I don't see the point in grading it, and I'm certainly not going to stress out over it.

On top of all that, our teacher definitely doesn't come across as some poor, terrified woman. If anything, she loves bragging about how tough, ruthless, and demanding she is... that’s just her whole vibe. That’s actually why we wanted her in our daughter's class in the first place! But then, out of nowhere... 🤷

Honestly, I am completely lost as to what you are getting at, I swear! 🤷
Do you truly harbor such a low opinion of educators that you believe every single one of them is just sitting there waiting for a child to make one tiny mistake so they can start retaliating against them?? 😕
You simply walk up to the woman, say good morning, and mention, "Excuse me, I think there might be a clerical error on the report card; my daughter isn't signed up for that after-school program. Also, while I have you, I was a bit surprised by this 'A' in PE, as we were expecting a 'C' or a 'B'... How did that happen?"
Then you listen to her explanation...
Perhaps everyone else in the class got an 'A' in PE, and since your daughter has straight 'As' otherwise, the teacher just defaulted to giving her top marks everywhere. Perhaps she has her own reasoning... It doesn't really matter...
Seriously, I genuinely cannot fathom why you didn't just ask her. At the end of the day, a report card is an official legal document, and every single piece of data entered into it must be perfectly accurate, down to the last decimal point...
Good grief, instead of being bewildered and seeking counsel from a bunch of strangers on a web forum, you should just sit down with the teacher and find out what occurred. After all, you've been perfectly honest with her up until now, so why change that pattern now? 🤷

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