Eat up, kid! Come on, get some food in you!

The mindset among the younger generations seems to be entirely different—it's all about "let's grab a drink," "let's go dancing," and "just have fun" (!?!?), which is honestly exhausting. It was much easier to deal with my grandmother—may she rest in peace—back then. Eventually, you just get tired of hearing nothing but constant talk about food.

Humans are actually quite limited creatures. We function best when following set patterns. For instance, a grandmother or mother is primarily raised to be a caregiver, so her subconscious tells her to ensure her offspring is well-fed. On the flip side, a grandfather or father is raised to be a provider, making his subconscious focus on whether the guests have enough to eat.

And from there, you get this intense social conditioning. The issue is that we take all of this for granted. Nobody actually stops to think—wait a second, is our guest eating this roast turkey because they love it, or does it give them acid reflux? Or maybe they just aren't hungry, or there’s some other completely mundane reason. Americans (and honestly, it’s not just an American thing, though it's very pronounced here in the States) always assume a guest is turning down food out of shyness. Think about that paradox: because you were taught to be a good host, you were also taught to be modest, unobtrusive, and temperate. So, you feel embarrassed to overindulge at someone's house—even though you’d actually prefer to pig out—but you're too ashamed. Meanwhile, your host would actually be happiest if you ate like a hog. That’s the paradox. Then there’s that famous Bon-Ton. Bon-Ton, or whatever you want to call it, is just a total load of nonsense that serves absolutely no one. Who benefits from Bon-Ton? Nobody living. It forces people to act according to certain patterns, but those patterns mostly just cause discomfort.

Bon-Ton is like a Victorian corset—uncomfortable as hell—but if a woman wasn't wearing one, she was considered unattractive and would never get married (speaking of the old days). What a joke. Not to mention the health issues. But let's bring it back to the present.

Say you're sitting at the table and the host serves you something that gives you terrible gas. What are you going to do? Just suffer through it! You'll deal with bloating and cramps, and then you'll end up having an accident once you finally get home. On top of that, you'll be irritable because you're in pain, so you'll end up snapping at your wife for no reason at all. Instead of just letting it rip right there at the table as soon as you feel bloated, you should just ask the host to crack a window and call it a day. Same goes for burping—just burp properly instead of risking stomach pains. And don't even get me started on how licking your plate is actually a noble thing to do. Aside from not wasting food, you're doing a huge favor for whoever has to do the dishes, which is usually the host's wife. But to make the paradox even bigger, if you actually licked your plate, she’d be the most offended person in the room and would gossip about you to her friends for months. "Can you believe that hillbilly is licking his plates?"—"Can you imagine!"

So, I wrote this little bit to show you the sheer stupidity of the society we live in and the social norms we are slaves to.

slywolf45 said:Fair enough, she was being a bit tedious about it.
Do you think all that actually left any lasting psychological scars?
I mean, we are in the psychology sub, after all, aren't we?🤷

I had a similar reaction when I first read those posts.
Since I live alone now, sometimes I really miss having someone there to greet me, so people judged me for being so standoffish.
BUT....then I remembered.....it wasn't my grandma...my godparents used to host these dinners...and I used to adore people...but those gatherings were such absolute nightmares that I tried my best to avoid them at all costs. They just...they could force-feed you so much. Before you know it, the whole dinner becomes this strategic mission of moving food around your plate just so nobody can pile more on and force you to eat...only to end up with stomach issues for three days straight. I know this sounds like "oh, poor her..." but it truly can be torture. It’s easy for me to talk about my grandma...I would always sneak a couple of her potatoes or a cookie from her plate...and she was never pushy...we'd just be happy together over coffee...but these people were different....and then they'd come to your house and criticize everything, saying things like "why aren't you eating?" or "you don't even set the table right,"🙄 even though you *are* eating.....
that really is a form of torture, plain and simple....which is why I gave up on those kinds of get-togethers altogether.
A hug is wonderful...but when it turns into strangulation....you miss the hug, but you definitely don't want the strangulation.

Honestly, they’ve driven me so insane that I’m basically dodging any possible family get-together if there's even a slight chance I can slip away.

This whole thing with chasing down plates and dishes has become my literal nightmare—they just keep coming in endless waves, hitting me one after another.

There’s actually one more thing on my end—just another little detail to throw into the mix.

People keep acting like they totally forgot I’m vegetarian—they'll just hand me a slice of pepperoni pizza like, "Oh, here, it's no big deal..." It’s honestly kind of ridiculous. I haven't touched meat in 17 years... you'd think people would have figured it out by now. 😵

Honestly, nothing beats dealing with some old lady trying to play me—she’s out here insisting there’s zero meat in everything I'm eating, acting like I've lost my mind or something. Like, excuse me? As if I wouldn't notice the sheer amount of fat just floating on top... please.

My exes always seemed to "forget" that I don't eat meat... honestly, I spent half my weekends eating plain risotto because they just couldn't be bothered to remember—and we were only together for six years.
Back in the day, I used to swing by their place for lunch with a baggie of soup just so I’d actually have something decent to eat.

Back in the day, the old folks used to pull the same exact stunt... they'd invite me over for lunch and then basically tell me, "Oh, there's plenty of stuff in the fridge, just whip something up for yourself."
Either they call me in to help out at the BBQ—and then I just end up standing there watching everyone else eat—or whatever.

And then they just give me these pitying looks every thirty seconds—like, seriously?—asking if I’m sure I don't want anything to eat.

Honestly, I’m about two seconds away from filing some official paperwork declaring that I’m officially off the grid when it comes to food—like, just tell everyone I'm not eating anything anywhere so they can all collectively pout and finally leave me alone.

silvercobra68 said:Humans are actually quite limited creatures. We function best when following set patterns. For instance, a grandmother or mother is primarily raised to be a caregiver, so her subconscious tells her to ensure her offspring is well-fed. On the flip side, a grandfather or father is raised to be a provider, making his subconscious focus on whether the guests have enough to eat.

And from there, you get this intense social conditioning. The issue is that we take all of this for granted. Nobody actually stops to think—wait a second, is our guest eating this roast turkey because they love it, or does it give them acid reflux? Or maybe they just aren't hungry, or there’s some other completely mundane reason. Americans (and honestly, it’s not just an American thing, though it's very pronounced here in the States) always assume a guest is turning down food out of shyness. Think about that paradox: because you were taught to be a good host, you were also taught to be modest, unobtrusive, and temperate. So, you feel embarrassed to overindulge at someone's house—even though you’d actually prefer to pig out—but you're too ashamed. Meanwhile, your host would actually be happiest if you ate like a hog. That’s the paradox. Then there’s that famous Bon-Ton. Bon-Ton, or whatever you want to call it, is just a total load of nonsense that serves absolutely no one. Who benefits from Bon-Ton? Nobody living. It forces people to act according to certain patterns, but those patterns mostly just cause discomfort.

Bon-Ton is like a Victorian corset—uncomfortable as hell—but if a woman wasn't wearing one, she was considered unattractive and would never get married (speaking of the old days). What a joke. Not to mention the health issues. But let's bring it back to the present.

Say you're sitting at the table and the host serves you something that gives you terrible gas. What are you going to do? Just suffer through it! You'll deal with bloating and cramps, and then you'll end up having an accident once you finally get home. On top of that, you'll be irritable because you're in pain, so you'll end up snapping at your wife for no reason at all. Instead of just letting it rip right there at the table as soon as you feel bloated, you should just ask the host to crack a window and call it a day. Same goes for burping—just burp properly instead of risking stomach pains. And don't even get me started on how licking your plate is actually a noble thing to do. Aside from not wasting food, you're doing a huge favor for whoever has to do the dishes, which is usually the host's wife. But to make the paradox even bigger, if you actually licked your plate, she’d be the most offended person in the room and would gossip about you to her friends for months. "Can you believe that hillbilly is licking his plates?"—"Can you imagine!"

So, I wrote this little bit to show you the sheer stupidity of the society we live in and the social norms we are slaves to.

That's true.

Regarding Bon-Ton—it isn't even "real," per se—it was created just so people can feel more comfortable in various social settings. These are suggestions on how to act so that both you and those around you remain at ease. I mean, we can't all just pass gas in restaurants or on the subway—that would be absurd. If you can hold it, you hold it until a more appropriate moment. It’s simply about being considerate of others. That is what being polite means. Social norms serve a purpose.

//A quick side note here, though it's relevant: "norms" or "standards"—take ISO standards, for example—aren't actually mandatory! Yet, everyone from the manufacturer to the retailer to the consumer has realized they are useful to follow. Even if they seem silly sometimes. The market is a complex system, much like human society; having standards makes things easier.

Look, I’ve got a super sensitive stomach—if things get bad, I’m not too embarrassed to just lose it right by the table or over the sink...
...whether it's because I ate way too much or just hit something that didn't sit right.

Usually, I end up muttering "I told you so" under my breath...

...but honestly, I've got a better excuse now. I've been officially diagnosed with gastritis, cirrhosis, gallbladder issues, blood sugar problems, high cholesterol... basically, everything.
And the thing is, I practically can't eat anything at all... yet people just don't seem to pause and actually think about it when it comes to health matters...😉

Betty Chase54 said:Yeah, they are bored, especially the older folks who aren't up for hiking anymore. They're retired, sitting at home, and they're bored. They don't have a ton of different hobbies, they're limited by their resources and entertainment options, and they just don't know what to do with themselves...

Honestly, you're just as limited as they are—if not more.
You've got the whole internet at your fingertips and you actually think people back in the day just sat around out of boredom? Please. People worked from sunup to sundown just to put food on the table... for themselves and their kids... just to survive.
My grandfather knows how to fill his day way better than I ever could. He’s out in the garden early, tidies up the house, makes lunch... eats a decent meal after that... takes a little break to watch a show... or if there's no TV, he just chats with the neighbor. In the evening, he's out checking the vineyard, chopping wood, fixing things up, or just catching up with everyone. Or he'll spend the evening debating politics or talking about local news with the neighbors—kind of like what we do here on this forum. Okay, okay, I know this is off-topic, but... he tells me all the time: "Kids today are so stuck, they can't see past their computer screens."
And he eats right there next to them. Moderator, please don't get mad at me.
I hate it when people look down on folks from rural areas. And I totally disagree with the idea that laziness is the root cause of everything. Let's move on...

Quote:>

mistyseal11 says: I've got a super sensitive stomach—if I have to, I won't feel bad about losing it right at the table (or next to it, or even in the sink...) from eating too much or just hitting something my body can't handle. accompanied by my usual phrase, "well, I did warn you," ...but honestly, I've got a much better excuse now... I've been diagnosed with gastritis, liver issues, gallbladder problems, blood sugar issues, high cholesterol... basically, I'm on a diet where I practically can't eat anything... and yet, when it comes to health, people just don't seem to stop and actually think for a second... 😉

Just show them how it is, then!🤣 🙏

silverwalker27 said:That's true.

Regarding Bon-Ton—it isn't even "real," per se—it was created just so people can feel more comfortable in various social settings. These are suggestions on how to act so that both you and those around you remain at ease. I mean, we can't all just pass gas in restaurants or on the subway—that would be absurd. If you can hold it, you hold it until a more appropriate moment. It’s simply about being considerate of others. That is what being polite means. Social norms serve a purpose.

//A quick side note here, though it's relevant: "norms" or "standards"—take ISO standards, for example—aren't actually mandatory! Yet, everyone from the manufacturer to the retailer to the consumer has realized they are useful to follow. Even if they seem silly sometimes. The market is a complex system, much like human society; having standards makes things easier.

Okay, fine, maybe the farting thing isn't the best example.

But licking your plate is the perfect example of why etiquette can be pointless. You're actually helping whoever has to wash the dishes later, nothing goes to waste, and you aren't bothering anyone.

Zachary Mendoza2 said:Their parents lived through the Great Depression, and those lean years stayed with them forever. 😳
We need to make sure our kids eat their fill while food is actually available, because who knows what tomorrow looks like.

That’s spot on. I remember my late grandmother talking about how food was always the main topic of conversation—which makes sense, given that hunger was a constant shadow during her childhood. She and one of her brothers were actually sent out to the Midwest as kids to find relief from the famine. She had better luck; she was taken in by a family in a small town and treated like one of their own. Her brother, on the other hand, really caught the short end of the stick. The family that took him in basically put him to work in a barn, making him toil away all day long.

Honestly, the whole thing is just blatant self-promotion

I mean, come on, give us more of the same—just a bunch of housewives and amateur cooks playing pretend
Look, I’ve actually put in the work myself, you know? That’s what real home cooking is. This stuff we're seeing? It’s mostly just guys acting like they're master vintners when they're really just hobbyists with an ego

They couldn't care less if you're hungry or thirsty or anything else; all they care about is getting a pat on the back for their "hard work" so they can feel like they're the absolute best in the business

hollowtrucker77 said:Honestly, the whole thing is just blatant self-promotion

I mean, come on, give us more of the same—just a bunch of housewives and amateur cooks playing pretend
Look, I’ve actually put in the work myself, you know? That’s what real home cooking is. This stuff we're seeing? It’s mostly just guys acting like they're master vintners when they're really just hobbyists with an ego

They couldn't care less if you're hungry or thirsty or anything else; all they care about is getting a pat on the back for their "hard work" so they can feel like they're the absolute best in the business

Exactly.

It's not like they're worried about you dying of hunger... honestly, they'd probably prefer if you choked on their "culinary masterpiece" instead.

And that whole bit about how they survived during those famine years...

Honestly, give me a break. If they were actually smart enough to realize they were starving back then, they probably would have been smart enough to figure out they weren't hungry anymore by now.

hollowtrucker77 said:And that whole bit about how they survived during those famine years...

Honestly, give me a break. If they were actually smart enough to realize they were starving back then, they probably would have been smart enough to figure out they weren't hungry anymore by now.

exactly.
I just don't get this whole "eating until you pop" culture.

People don't show up to socialize, they show up to force unnecessary amounts of food down their throats.

Whenever I go to a wedding, it honestly makes me feel sick.

I guess they figure since they're already there and paid for, it’d be a waste not to gorge themselves on everything in sight.

Like, I don't care how gourmet the food is—if I'm not hungry, I'm not stuffing myself.

Man, back in the day, people actually had a hearth right in the middle of the house...

Kevin Flores2 said:But honestly, that kind of situation can feel like absolute terror. I know from experience. 🙂 😬 Things actually started to look up a bit after I finally managed to just vent everything out during lunch one day. 🥳

Are we even still here?🙏 😂😂
Honestly, any progress I made was short-lived.😢

My grandma’s big life lessons were always: don't go hungry and dress sharp, kiddo.🙄

Anonymous said:Honestly, you're just as limited as they are—if not more.
You've got the whole internet at your fingertips and you actually think people back in the day just sat around out of boredom? Please. People worked from sunup to sundown just to put food on the table... for themselves and their kids... just to survive.
My grandfather knows how to fill his day way better than I ever could. He’s out in the garden early, tidies up the house, makes lunch... eats a decent meal after that... takes a little break to watch a show... or if there's no TV, he just chats with the neighbor. In the evening, he's out checking the vineyard, chopping wood, fixing things up, or just catching up with everyone. Or he'll spend the evening debating politics or talking about local news with the neighbors—kind of like what we do here on this forum. Okay, okay, I know this is off-topic, but... he tells me all the time: "Kids today are so stuck, they can't see past their computer screens."
And he eats right there next to them. Moderator, please don't get mad at me.
I hate it when people look down on folks from rural areas. And I totally disagree with the idea that laziness is the root cause of everything. Let's move on...

if they were working that hard, they wouldn't have time to constantly offer everyone food, and imagine what they'd do if they didn't have a vineyard to tend; not everyone in the countryside is loaded

damn, no matter where I post, some fanatic always latches onto me, I guess I'm just a controversial one

My mother used to resort to constant nagging as her primary method of maintaining control over my life.

I have come to believe there are essentially two distinct categories of food-based compulsions: there are those driven by genuine kindness, intended solely to comfort or delight you, and then there are the others—those rooted in subconscious malice and serves as mere instruments of psychological manipulation. But, well...

My mother dropped bymy place a few days ago, and honestly, you won't believe how this conversation unfolded 🙏

Mom: Have you eaten yet?
Me: I have.
Mom: What kind of coffee are you drinking today?
Me: Just my second cup.
Mom: You shouldn't be drinking this much coffee and smoking if you aren't eating properly.
Me: But Mom, I ate just an hour ago!
Mom: Ugh, when was that exactly? And who knows what you actually ate? You really need to eat; look how thin you've gotten.
Me: I'm just not hungry, I don't want to eat, I really can't!!!
Mom: Well, at least try a little something.
Me:🙂

She eventually calmed down and we moved on to a completely different topic, which was fine, especially since I actually have lost some weight.
But then, she just couldn't help herself again.

Her: Are you sure you won't have a bite to eat while I'm still here?
Me:...

I mean, I know I am thin, but I am certainly not unintelligent. 🙄
It is truly exhausting to have to listen to this constantly.

Joshua Rogers11 said:My mother dropped bymy place a few days ago, and honestly, you won't believe how this conversation unfolded 🙏

Mom: Have you eaten yet?
Me: I have.
Mom: What kind of coffee are you drinking today?
Me: Just my second cup.
Mom: You shouldn't be drinking this much coffee and smoking if you aren't eating properly.
Me: But Mom, I ate just an hour ago!
Mom: Ugh, when was that exactly? And who knows what you actually ate? You really need to eat; look how thin you've gotten.
Me: I'm just not hungry, I don't want to eat, I really can't!!!
Mom: Well, at least try a little something.
Me:🙂

She eventually calmed down and we moved on to a completely different topic, which was fine, especially since I actually have lost some weight.
But then, she just couldn't help herself again.

Her: Are you sure you won't have a bite to eat while I'm still here?
Me:...

I mean, I know I am thin, but I am certainly not unintelligent. 🙄
It is truly exhausting to have to listen to this constantly.

Next time she does that, just show her the door and slam it shut. Or better yet, let your husband or boyfriend handle it.