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Common stereotypes about marriage in America

Started by fadedskipper21 · · 👁 5 views · 22 replies

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Participants fadedskipper21Elizabeth Bishop4Paul Adams31Anthony Garcia10bluewalker33steelskipper5Jerry Martinez5Dennis Bailey2Susan Lewis2Carl Castillo69AWalter Roberts48
fadedskipper21 fadedskipper21 NewcomerOP
6 messages
joined May 2010
#1 ·
Here we go—another topic for the pile.
What truly gets under my skin is how much people today just default to stereotypes. The typical American script is pretty rigid: get married by 25, take out those massive mortgages, find a husband (mandatory), and have a few kids—ideally as many as possible.

If you don't fit that mold, you usually end up being the target of judgment or scorn; most people look at you as if you’re somehow "lesser" or fundamentally broken.

I’m 31 now, so according to this social blueprint, I should have been settled down ages ago. I recently ran into an old classmate who already has three kids, and he spent a full two hours lecturing me on why I’m not married and don't have children yet—asking things like, "So what's the issue?" or "How haven't you found anyone?" or even implying that nobody wants me.

The reality of my life isn't that something is missing—everyone who actually knows me can attest that everything is fine. It's just that I hate being tied down; I value my independence, I dislike feeling suffocated, and frankly, I enjoy living on my own. That's just who I am. And because of that, I'm treated like a total anomaly. I could have easily married my long-term boyfriend if I had wanted to, but I didn't, because he had no drive to work or build a life, so I realized he wasn't the one for me. I could have also just proven I was "wanted" by checking off all the boxes society forces on us—from family to the media—but I refused to force a marriage just to satisfy everyone else instead of myself. Now, I'm viewed as this "oddity" that no one will touch at 31, when the truth is I simply chose not to marry someone who wasn't a perfect match for me. I chose to be happy. Instead, I was expected to just marry anyone, produce a brood, and call it a day just to satisfy some arbitrary sense of justice. 🙂 🙂

Why are there so many Americans clinging to these stereotypes, while so few women seem to be original or do things simply because they decided to, rather than because their environment demanded it? Why aren't there more people breaking away from the norm—people who are genuinely put-together, living their lives without needing to parade a "perfect" domestic image for show?
It would be lovely if it were all sincere, but most of those people just open a Meta profile to rub it in everyone else's faces—showing off how they "made it," how perfect they are, and how flawlessly they've adhered to the status quo. Who knows if they even love their poor spouses? You can say that again.
Thanks.
Elizabeth Bishop4 Elizabeth Bishop4 Member
16 messages
joined Jan 2009
#2 ·
fadedskipper21 said:What really gets under my skin is how almost everyone seems to just fall right into these cookie-cutter stereotypes these days.

I don't think that's some modern phenomenon, though; honestly, it’s been this way since forever—just peer pressure and all those same old social dynamics playing out over and over.

If you don't fit the mold, you usually end up being the target of judgment or scorn, where most people look at you like you're somehow lesser or just fundamentally broken.

But what about you? Is that really how you see yourself?

Why are there so many people in America who just follow the crowd, and why does it seem like there are so few women who are truly original and do things because they actually want to, rather than just doing what society expects of them?

I guess it's just easier, you know? It's the path of least resistance.

At the end of the day, none of it really matters anyway; we're all just eventually going to be worm food.
Paul Adams31 Paul Adams31 Newcomer
5 messages
joined May 2010
#3 ·
What can you even say? It’s pure primitivism. Personally, I find it best when someone steps up and pays for the wedding because their partner is pregnant—it just makes things easier. It seems most marriages eventually sour; living with someone for years without falling into a stagnant routine is incredibly difficult. Why bother getting married at all? What's the harm in a couple living together without the ceremony? It's essentially the same thing, and if the relationship fails, they don't have to deal with the headache of a divorce. Gender dynamics are complicated, and honestly, I'm not sure what purpose a wedding actually serves anymore. It's nothing more than a formality, which might not even be the smartest move given how chaotic things are these days. 🤷
fadedskipper21 fadedskipper21 NewcomerOP
6 messages
joined May 2010
#4 ·
Paul Adams31 said:What can you even say? It’s pure primitivism. Personally, I find it best when someone steps up and pays for the wedding because their partner is pregnant—it just makes things easier. It seems most marriages eventually sour; living with someone for years without falling into a stagnant routine is incredibly difficult. Why bother getting married at all? What's the harm in a couple living together without the ceremony? It's essentially the same thing, and if the relationship fails, they don't have to deal with the headache of a divorce. Gender dynamics are complicated, and honestly, I'm not sure what purpose a wedding actually serves anymore. It's nothing more than a formality, which might not even be the smartest move given how chaotic things are these days. 🤷

It also blows my mind that anyone would go into debt for $150 $0.00 or more just to throw this massive production, only to end up divorced three years later. I know plenty of people who have done exactly that.

I just don't get it. I could never justify dropping that kind of cash on some silly wedding. If I ever did decide to marry, I wouldn't spend more than maybe $3,000—just enough for a nice dinner with close family. I don't understand that mindset—the obsession with finding "the" dress, ensuring it's the most beautiful thing on Earth, or spending $15 $0.00 on accessories. I truly don't understand women who think like that; what world are they living in?
Some "princesses" get married thinking they'll be happy forever with their prince, only to be filing for divorce within a few years—ten at the absolute most.
Anthony Garcia10 Anthony Garcia10 Member
13 messages
joined Mar 2010
#5 ·
To hell with templates and to hell with stereotypes... I see so many marriages around me that are absolute garbage, if you'll excuse my language. It happens precisely because people blindly follow these conventional scripts instead of actually using their heads. In the end, they suffer mental breakdowns, wind up in marriage counseling, psychotherapy, or even on medication, withdrawing from society for a few years before finally calling it quits. Then comes the onslaught of expensive lawyers and legal battles dragging through the courts over child custody. Or, they just rot away in these lackluster marriages, only to snap at age 45 when they hit a sort of second adolescence. The point is—DO NOT follow any templates; they are dreadfully boring. You have to follow yourself and your own heart (I know, that sounds incredibly cheesy, but it’s true) as much as humanly possible. There is simply too much idiocy being shoved into our brains through the media, traditions, prejudices, and all that other nonsense... we reach a point where we don't even know what we want anymore. But it is far better to wait for the right person and the right moment than to rush into something driven by the wrong motives. It is better to be alone than to be in a toxic relationship or a failing marriage. And it was a long time ago that we defined ourselves solely through the lens of whether we are married or whether we have children; that kind of thinking is truly pathetic.
bluewalker33 bluewalker33 Member
35 messages
joined Feb 2010
#6 ·
So my childhood friend hit me up last night asking when I’m finally getting hitched, since she’s married now and so is this other girl from our old group... Like, okay, maybe it is time for me to settle down, but having people lecture me about it feels so low-rent. I just haven't met the right guy yet, and that's really all there is to it...

So that girl went and married some total con artist... a master manipulator if I ever saw one. I’ve never seen eyes filled with that much deceit in my life. He’s so shady that just being near him makes me want to shake... She’s only 25 and he’s pushing 50. She’s always been shallow and airheaded, while he’s playing the high-stakes game—smart enough to pull off massive scams without leaving a paper trail. They’re loaded, but they stay under the radar because everything they do is strictly illegal. She looks at him like he’s some kind of god, completely oblivious to how dangerous this actually is. Sure, plenty of white-collar criminals in this capitalist mess get away with murder and live large, but she doesn't realize how bad this ends. Why would I ever marry someone like that blindly and bring kids into that mess? I’d rather stay single and actually sleep at night. But she isn't built like that; she’s just obsessed with the money. Greedy since she was a kid, always wanting more, never satisfied. And her dad is totally enabling the whole thing. We grabbed dinner, but she acts like she hasn't eaten in weeks—ordered enough food to feed a small army and packed on the pounds. I guess when you're married to that kind of cash, you don't bother worrying about being healthy or staying fit... just eat, drink, and spend. Pure greed through and through...
fadedskipper21 fadedskipper21 NewcomerOP
6 messages
joined May 2010
#7 ·
Honestly, I’m really enjoying the women in this thread—it's refreshing to see people who don't just chase every passing trend and actually have enough sense to look down on mediocrity.

I’ve always had an affinity for women who blaze their own trails, though—unfortunately—there comes an age where being a total outlier becomes difficult. There's this constant, nagging pressure to prove to the world that you've checked all the boxes—marriage, kids, the whole "standard" life path.

Then, predictably, you get targeted by the masses—that average, uninspired crowd that loves nothing more than discrimination and attacks. And let me tell you, there are plenty of them. Most are incredibly aggressive, likely because they're miserable with their own lives and feel the need to drag everyone else down to their level just to justify their own choices.

I simply cannot wrap my head around people who bully others into conformity. It represents such a profound level of idiocy—an absolute failure of personal growth and basic empathy.

While I personally adore the eccentric and the unconventional, most people just flat-out hate them. To me, those people are just... intellectually stunted.
fadedskipper21 fadedskipper21 NewcomerOP
6 messages
joined May 2010
#8 ·
I suppose I’ve been lucky here—mostly because every time I start a thread about how mediocre people can be, especially regarding the whole marriage circus, some women descend upon me like dragons. They love to question my authority—asking who I am to judge, or implying that if nobody wants me, then my opinion must be invalid.

It’s a losing battle trying to explain to people like that—those absolute idiots—that a woman’s entire existence isn't defined solely by who happens to be chasing her.
bluewalker33 bluewalker33 Member
35 messages
joined Feb 2010
#9 ·
Unfortunately, the average Joe outnumbers the educated crowd... which is why mediocrity and pure stupidity seem to be everywhere you look.

Where did this happen? What forum or thread was this on?

Look, for those of us who wait longer to get married—or don't at all—it’s because we’d rather have nothing than settle for something subpar.
steelskipper5 steelskipper5 Active Member
176 messages
joined Feb 2010
#10 ·
fadedskipper21 said:Here we go—another topic for the pile.
What truly gets under my skin is how much people today just default to stereotypes. The typical American script is pretty rigid: get married by 25, take out those massive mortgages, find a husband (mandatory), and have a few kids—ideally as many as possible.

If you don't fit that mold, you usually end up being the target of judgment or scorn; most people look at you as if you’re somehow "lesser" or fundamentally broken.

I’m 31 now, so according to this social blueprint, I should have been settled down ages ago. I recently ran into an old classmate who already has three kids, and he spent a full two hours lecturing me on why I’m not married and don't have children yet—asking things like, "So what's the issue?" or "How haven't you found anyone?" or even implying that nobody wants me.

The reality of my life isn't that something is missing—everyone who actually knows me can attest that everything is fine. It's just that I hate being tied down; I value my independence, I dislike feeling suffocated, and frankly, I enjoy living on my own. That's just who I am. And because of that, I'm treated like a total anomaly. I could have easily married my long-term boyfriend if I had wanted to, but I didn't, because he had no drive to work or build a life, so I realized he wasn't the one for me. I could have also just proven I was "wanted" by checking off all the boxes society forces on us—from family to the media—but I refused to force a marriage just to satisfy everyone else instead of myself. Now, I'm viewed as this "oddity" that no one will touch at 31, when the truth is I simply chose not to marry someone who wasn't a perfect match for me. I chose to be happy. Instead, I was expected to just marry anyone, produce a brood, and call it a day just to satisfy some arbitrary sense of justice. 🙂 🙂

Why are there so many Americans clinging to these stereotypes, while so few women seem to be original or do things simply because they decided to, rather than because their environment demanded it? Why aren't there more people breaking away from the norm—people who are genuinely put-together, living their lives without needing to parade a "perfect" domestic image for show?
It would be lovely if it were all sincere, but most of those people just open a Meta profile to rub it in everyone else's faces—showing off how they "made it," how perfect they are, and how flawlessly they've adhered to the status quo. Who knows if they even love their poor spouses? You can say that again.
Thanks.

Because if they didn't, it wouldn't be a stereotype in the first place. End of story. ☕
fadedskipper21 fadedskipper21 NewcomerOP
6 messages
joined May 2010
#11 ·
bluewalker33 said:Unfortunately, the average Joe outnumbers the educated crowd... which is why mediocrity and pure stupidity seem to be everywhere you look.

Where did this happen? What forum or thread was this on?

Look, for those of us who wait longer to get married—or don't at all—it’s because we’d rather have nothing than settle for something subpar.

Well, thank God for that. True equality today means having total autonomy over one's own body—deciding what to do with it without being forced into motherhood if that isn't the goal. If someone wants to live a life of pure leisure, that should be their choice, not dictated by some narrow-minded view of "nature." I've had enough of those lectures.

I suppose I would have married if I’d actually met an exceptional man—but I haven't. Just because the most intellectually stunted girls in my class ended up married with kids doesn't mean I'm somehow "lesser." It just means they settled for whatever mediocre guy came along, whereas I refused to settle for anyone who was dull, limited, or simply unimpressive.
If I had encountered a man who truly impressed me, I might be married by now; however, since I haven't, I refuse to marry just to satisfy social expectations. Besides, nobody really believes in the institution of marriage anymore—so this whole frantic rush toward it feels pretty pointless to me.
Jerry Martinez5 Jerry Martinez5 Regular
278 messages
joined Apr 2009
#12 ·
We all lean on stereotypes and biases because, honestly, it makes life easier. These days, there’s way less pressure on women to get married, and I guess it isn't even a shock anymore if a woman marries in her late thirties—or doesn't marry at all.

That’s just how society works; it always pushes for some kind of average. For instance, if you’re 30 and unemployed, everyone’s going to nag you about it. Or if you head out in purple leggings covered in pink butterflies and green heels, people will act like you're totally losing it. Or if you decide at 25 to marry someone who's 50. 😉

No matter how hard you try, you’re never going to fully satisfy everyone's expectations. Especially since they're constantly at odds: your mom’s values are one thing, while your coworkers' are something else entirely. If your mother is happy with you, your colleagues might just label you a boring old lady. Maybe the only real answer to all those demands is to live by your own values as much as possible.
bluewalker33 bluewalker33 Member
35 messages
joined Feb 2010
#13 ·
Some women just hit the jackpot by birth and are living the dream, while others are out there struggling just to keep their heads above water. But those of us still looking? We’re hunting for the lucky ones, even if they’re rare as hell...

Back in high school, the hottest girl I knew was still single. She’s twenty-nine now, looks like a total doll, and she's still flying solo just like me. Probably still holding out for someone who actually deserves her.
bluewalker33 bluewalker33 Member
35 messages
joined Feb 2010
#14 ·
Jerry Martinez5, you even pay attention to what's going on around you? How do you even handle it when people start talking trash...
fadedskipper21 fadedskipper21 NewcomerOP
6 messages
joined May 2010
#15 ·
bluewalker33 said:Some women just hit the jackpot by birth and are living the dream, while others are out there struggling just to keep their heads above water. But those of us still looking? We’re hunting for the lucky ones, even if they’re rare as hell...

Back in high school, the hottest girl I knew was still single. She’s twenty-nine now, looks like a total doll, and she's still flying solo just like me. Probably still holding out for someone who actually deserves her.

It isn't just about luck; some women honestly prefer being solo—enjoying life without someone constantly hovering or nagging them. Take me, for instance. When I lived with a guy, I was losing my mind within two months. We just didn't click enough to build a lifetime together.
Jerry Martinez5 Jerry Martinez5 Regular
278 messages
joined Apr 2009
#16 ·
bluewalker33 said:Jerry Martinez5, you even pay attention to what's going on around you? How do you even handle it when people start talking trash...

I built a wall a long time ago. Honestly, nobody even dares to say anything to me. I’m not married either, and I’m well over 30.

I pay attention to my surroundings quite a bit. My clothes, how I act, that sort of thing. For the trivial stuff, I try to stay within those "stereotypical" boundaries. But when it comes to things I actually care about, I just do my own thing. It isn't even that I ignore criticism—it's more that I don't allow it to happen. Besides, if someone feels the need to lecture a woman about being single, they're just being rude. I use about 5 percent of my brain and I can usually tell exactly where that person is coming from. Like, if they bought a Mercedes they clearly can't afford, it's obvious they're overcompensating because they don't make much money or didn't finish college. It's easy to rattle men if you mention their haircut, or women if you mention they've gained five pounds.😁

The second someone thinks they can make a comment like that to me, I show my teeth.

You have to realize that the very people gossiping or lecturing others are usually the ones most obsessed with their own social standing. They're incredibly fragile.
Jerry Martinez5 Jerry Martinez5 Regular
278 messages
joined Apr 2009
#17 ·
fadedskipper21 said:It isn't just about luck; some women honestly prefer being solo—enjoying life without someone constantly hovering or nagging them. Take me, for instance. When I lived with a guy, I was losing my mind within two months. We just didn't click enough to build a lifetime together.

Exactly. There are plenty of perks to being single. If you actually realize what those benefits are, then you won't care when some jerk makes comments about why you haven't tied the knot yet. You’re above that, period.

But, I guess if you find yourself stuck in that position where you just spent years with some loser who clearly wasn't marriage material, and you're worried you wasted your prime years when you could've found a decent husband... well, then it's obvious why those comments would sting.

There are happy people and unhappy people, whether they're single or married. Studies suggest that single women are, on average, happier than unmarried men. Though, I suppose some of them are just desperate. If you believe the whole point of life is getting married, then yeah, it's pretty clear you'll be miserable if that didn't work out for you.
Dennis Bailey2 Dennis Bailey2 Active Member
76 messages
joined Oct 2013
#18 ·
fadedskipper21 said:Here we go—another topic for the pile.
What truly gets under my skin is how much people today just default to stereotypes. The typical American script is pretty rigid: get married by 25, take out those massive mortgages, find a husband (mandatory), and have a few kids—ideally as many as possible.

If you don't fit that mold, you usually end up being the target of judgment or scorn; most people look at you as if you’re somehow "lesser" or fundamentally broken.

I’m 31 now, so according to this social blueprint, I should have been settled down ages ago. I recently ran into an old classmate who already has three kids, and he spent a full two hours lecturing me on why I’m not married and don't have children yet—asking things like, "So what's the issue?" or "How haven't you found anyone?" or even implying that nobody wants me.

The reality of my life isn't that something is missing—everyone who actually knows me can attest that everything is fine. It's just that I hate being tied down; I value my independence, I dislike feeling suffocated, and frankly, I enjoy living on my own. That's just who I am. And because of that, I'm treated like a total anomaly. I could have easily married my long-term boyfriend if I had wanted to, but I didn't, because he had no drive to work or build a life, so I realized he wasn't the one for me. I could have also just proven I was "wanted" by checking off all the boxes society forces on us—from family to the media—but I refused to force a marriage just to satisfy everyone else instead of myself. Now, I'm viewed as this "oddity" that no one will touch at 31, when the truth is I simply chose not to marry someone who wasn't a perfect match for me. I chose to be happy. Instead, I was expected to just marry anyone, produce a brood, and call it a day just to satisfy some arbitrary sense of justice. 🙂 🙂

Why are there so many Americans clinging to these stereotypes, while so few women seem to be original or do things simply because they decided to, rather than because their environment demanded it? Why aren't there more people breaking away from the norm—people who are genuinely put-together, living their lives without needing to parade a "perfect" domestic image for show?
It would be lovely if it were all sincere, but most of those people just open a Meta profile to rub it in everyone else's faces—showing off how they "made it," how perfect they are, and how flawlessly they've adhered to the status quo. Who knows if they even love their poor spouses? You can say that again.
Thanks.

And you actually sat there listening to him because of 😕
Susan Lewis2 Susan Lewis2 Member
23 messages
joined Oct 2009
#19 ·
Oh, please, don't even bother exhausting yourself over this.
One should simply live their life as they see fit, provided it doesn't cause harm to others, and I certainly don't get the impression that you're some kind of criminal or anything of the sort.
I mean, honestly, who on earth is offended by—or how does it possibly infringe upon anyone else's rights—the fact that you aren't, say, married or following some perfectly curated, stereotypical lifestyle?
I am thirty-six years old, I live entirely on my own terms, and frankly, the opinions of others don't affect me in the slightest.
Besides, those people won't be standing by my side when things get difficult; they won't be helping me navigate my life choices, nor do they truly understand what matters to me, or what brings me joy or sorrow. Their opinions are much like the cars I pass while driving through heavy traffic in Chicago; I can't even begin to remember how many vehicles zipped by me that day or what brands they were... it really doesn't matter. I have my own life, and as long as I am happy, finding my way in my own unique fashion without hurting anyone else, let the small-minded folks talk all they want.
Don't let it weigh on you, or you'll find your life becomes much less pleasant than it could be.
Carl Castillo69 Carl Castillo69 Member
39 messages
joined May 2010
#20 ·
Honestly, people are just idiots—at least where I live. I know a few folks who rushed into marriage just because they "wanted kids." They haven't got a clue what they're getting into, much like me, except I’m flying solo and frankly, I couldn't care less about any of it...
Look, everyone’s got their own lifestyle. I don't go around interrogating people about why they do what they do; it's a personal choice. It’s basically like picking out a car or something, except people seem to obsess over marriages way more than they do over vehicles—and honestly, most used cars are probably better maintained than most marriages, lol. From what I can see, the vast majority of marriages are a total train wreck, and only a tiny fraction are actually okay. Just let people live. Like Carl Castillo69 said, "Those people aren't gonna be standing by my side when things get real anyway."

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