Love as a fixed idea

Gerald Ward61 said:She's a total cutie... 😍

So, I was just sitting there thinking about Leonardo DiCaprio... man, that guy really knows how to pick a role, doesn't he? He’s basically the king of playing guys who are either deeply troubled or just incredibly intense. It’s like his whole brand at this point. One minute he's chasing after some lost dream in a period piece, and the next he's staring intensely into the middle distance while everything around him goes to hell. Honestly, watching him is like watching a masterclass in "I have a lot of feelings but I'm going to express them through a single, heavy stare." Sometimes I wonder if he ever just gets to go to a regular grocery store without looking like he's about to solve a murder mystery or win an Oscar for it... anyway, just a random thought. He's good, though. Really good. 🙂

...and I still remember that little kid from... The Terminator... Or maybe even Sly's son... I think he popped up in one of the Rocky Balboa movies once... 😍Man... all those teenage crushes... and I basically had the entire script of Back to the Future memorized just because of Michael J. Fox. Seriously. Marty McFly was everything... 😍 Man, I was actually tearing up... just total heartbreak... and on top of that, he was played by Kevin Costner... I even shot him a message myself... and get this—he actually wrote back. Eheheeee.... 🙂
I just knew she’d be the absolute best girl in the world... if I’d only had the chance. 😍 🤣

There was this kid in my neighborhood who was a dead ringer for The Terminator. He even rocked the exact same hairstyle, and his whole vibe was spot on. 😍

I think we’re probably looking at over 30 LOLs by now.

northernbadger12 said:Man, I’ve been wondering about this too... why can't they just be together? I mean, they clearly love each other... or maybe they just love each other in some totally different way??? Please, please tell me! 😁

I won't get into the weeds here; it's nobody's business to pry into someone else's private life. 🙂 The bottom line is that there is simply no future for them as a couple. She loves him deeply—he’s her one true, fatal love—but as for him... I can't say for sure. He certainly cares for her, but the nature of that affection is a different story. I think he’s much more grounded than she is, and he views their "friendship" through a far more pragmatic lens.

lonegardener said:There was this kid in my neighborhood who was a dead ringer for The Terminator. He even rocked the exact same hairstyle, and his whole vibe was spot on. 😍

I think we’re probably looking at over 30 LOLs by now.

Ugh, that hair... such a crime... 😍 You can rock that look until you're like twenty-five—actually, let's say twenty-seven—but after that, you gotta get a real haircut. 🙂 And Keanu... (honestly, I had such a thing for those long-haired guys back in the day) I was totally obsessed... with him in this video... And then, boom... Keanumania started. 😍

Sean Cruz said:I won't get into the weeds here; it's nobody's business to pry into someone else's private life. 🙂 The bottom line is that there is simply no future for them as a couple. She loves him deeply—he’s her one true, fatal love—but as for him... I can't say for sure. He certainly cares for her, but the nature of that affection is a different story. I think he’s much more grounded than she is, and he views their "friendship" through a far more pragmatic lens.

Level-headed my ass!? If he were actually level-headed, he wouldn't have let that woman slip through his fingers. 🤣

Come on, spill the rest... I think she's pretty cute. 😍

Gerald Ward61 said:Level-headed my ass!? If he were actually level-headed, he wouldn't have let that woman slip through his fingers. 🤣

Come on, spill the rest... I think she's pretty cute. 😍

Poor woman. It’s clearly a one-sided situation. Honestly, it makes me wonder if love can even exist if it’s only coming from one side... If he actually felt anything substantial, you'd think they would have done something about it by now. But they haven't...

It seems to me that he might be the closest thing to what she actually needs in a partner—like, almost an ideal version of what she’s looking for. Obviously, she clearly saw some genuinely solid character traits in him, the kind of stuff that makes her see him as exactly the type of man who fits her life best...

I think there needs to be some distance here. It’s about accepting the reality that sometimes, you just can't get past a certain level of deep friendship and mutual respect... it’s just how things work out in the real world. She should probably just take some comfort in the fact that they actually shared those moments of genuine connection and happiness, and let that be the bedrock for whatever friendship comes next. But honestly, if she wants to move on, she needs to finally face the truth: he isn't going to be "the one." He was—and remains—just a partially realized ideal. It might be best if she starts looking elsewhere, if only to stop the endless cycle of heartache. I'm sure there are plenty of other guys out there with similar qualities, or maybe even better ones in different ways... she might even find a new kind of love. But this time, it would be a love that actually exists in reality...

There’s a massive difference between projecting qualities onto someone you want them to have and actually recognizing that they possess them. Then there's the third step, which is arguably the hardest: accepting that true unity might just be an impossibility... And if you're chasing that perfect romantic connection, maybe the move is to look for—and eventually find—the next person. And then, actually experiencing a love like that... To live...!

@cosmictinker21, you're spot on. At the end of the day, you just gotta be glad you're still breathing. 😁

And that whole "poor woman" thing? I'm picturing her as some total knockout. 😍 Then again, we don't actually know what goes on behind closed doors with cosmictinker21... and even if we did, who are we to judge? Right? I mean... seriously... 😉

Gerald Ward61 said:@cosmictinker21, you're spot on. At the end of the day, you just gotta be glad you're still breathing. 😁

And that whole "poor woman" thing? I'm picturing her as some total knockout. 😍 Then again, we don't actually know what goes on behind closed doors with cosmictinker21... and even if we did, who are we to judge? Right? I mean... seriously... 😉

I'm sure she's stunning. Any woman truly in love has that kind of glow—eyes bright, just radiating everything... though I suppose that changes when the feeling isn't returned. It’s hard to keep that light when things feel heavy and fruitless...

No, we don't know the full story. We aren't here to pass judgment on anyone... we're just exploring the possibilities that emerge when love simply can't be realized the way it was meant to be...

I actually went through something like this myself, a few years back...
I’d put it this way: he was the one. My person. We were perfectly aligned on every single level—intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, physically... you name it. But there were serious, heavy reasons why things couldn't work out, both for me and for him. He understood that I simply don't do compromises. And if I had insisted on having things my way, he wouldn't have survived the toll it would have taken on him, mentally or physically. He probably would have ended up back in the hospital, dealing with plasma exchanges, immunosuppressants, steroids... the whole ordeal. He just wouldn't have made it through all that. He would have died. There was nothing I could have done to change that outcome. It's just a shame...

I’ll probably never run into another man I could love with that kind of intensity. It wasn't just about the romance; he actually made me feel whole. He enriched my life just by being there—his intellect, his subtlety, that deep spiritual connection... it was everything. We went through so many cycles, breaking up and trying again, over and over. Eventually, the silence just became permanent. We stopped reaching out... and that was it.

Life keeps moving forward. I’m happy. Though, I am fully aware that I probably won't ever cross paths with someone who fit me quite as perfectly as the last one did. In this new chapter, I've discovered different sides of myself; we’re building a different kind of love, a different way of relating to one another. It's hard to explain to anyone else, but there's just this deep understanding between us... and at the end of the day, it's all just love...🙂

cosmictinker21 said:Poor woman. It’s clearly a one-sided situation. Honestly, it makes me wonder if love can even exist if it’s only coming from one side... If he actually felt anything substantial, you'd think they would have done something about it by now. But they haven't...

It seems to me that he might be the closest thing to what she actually needs in a partner—like, almost an ideal version of what she’s looking for. Obviously, she clearly saw some genuinely solid character traits in him, the kind of stuff that makes her see him as exactly the type of man who fits her life best...

I think there needs to be some distance here. It’s about accepting the reality that sometimes, you just can't get past a certain level of deep friendship and mutual respect... it’s just how things work out in the real world. She should probably just take some comfort in the fact that they actually shared those moments of genuine connection and happiness, and let that be the bedrock for whatever friendship comes next. But honestly, if she wants to move on, she needs to finally face the truth: he isn't going to be "the one." He was—and remains—just a partially realized ideal. It might be best if she starts looking elsewhere, if only to stop the endless cycle of heartache. I'm sure there are plenty of other guys out there with similar qualities, or maybe even better ones in different ways... she might even find a new kind of love. But this time, it would be a love that actually exists in reality...

There’s a massive difference between projecting qualities onto someone you want them to have and actually recognizing that they possess them. Then there's the third step, which is arguably the hardest: accepting that true unity might just be an impossibility... And if you're chasing that perfect romantic connection, maybe the move is to look for—and eventually find—the next person. And then, actually experiencing a love like that... To live...!

It’s like I wrote the whole thing myself...

I’ve been the target of that kind of obsession before (and honestly, I still am), but I’ve also found myself right in the middle of that exact same mess...

Feelings like that are never just a one-way street, because if it’s actually going somewhere, both sides have to be fueling the fire... In our case, it just wasn't meant to work out, so I accepted that pretty damn fast, but it lingered for a bit before eventually morphing into this sweet friendship that we still have today. I've had other guys, obviously, but with him, I was looking for that specific spark—that certain something everyone is always hunting for in a partner—and he really had it all... the whole package... 😁
Well, whatever, it is what it is...

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a bit of an idealist—honestly, it’s pretty nice to just drift through the clouds when you're actually in a relationship that works... but once that turns into a full-blown fixation, or even crosses the line into something pathological, then we've got a problem. It's not just about the potential for things to end badly, though that's definitely a factor, it's more about the fact that losing touch with reality entirely is never a winning move...

Edward Rivera98 said:It’s like I wrote the whole thing myself...

I’ve been the target of that kind of obsession before (and honestly, I still am), but I’ve also found myself right in the middle of that exact same mess...

Feelings like that are never just a one-way street, because if it’s actually going somewhere, both sides have to be fueling the fire... In our case, it just wasn't meant to work out, so I accepted that pretty damn fast, but it lingered for a bit before eventually morphing into this sweet friendship that we still have today. I've had other guys, obviously, but with him, I was looking for that specific spark—that certain something everyone is always hunting for in a partner—and he really had it all... the whole package... 😁
Well, whatever, it is what it is...

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a bit of an idealist—honestly, it’s pretty nice to just drift through the clouds when you're actually in a relationship that works... but once that turns into a full-blown fixation, or even crosses the line into something pathological, then we've got a problem. It's not just about the potential for things to end badly, though that's definitely a factor, it's more about the fact that losing touch with reality entirely is never a winning move...

The core issue here is that feeling miserable and like a failure after a long time—even when objective logic tells you otherwise because things didn't go your way—is a rough spot to be in. Even if you realize you aren't actually a loser because you experienced something beautiful, it's still a pretty shaky foundation for finding peace... or for ever feeling ready to fully open yourself up to someone else again down the road.

Gerald Ward61 said:Level-headed my ass!? If he were actually level-headed, he wouldn't have let that woman slip through his fingers. 🤣

Come on, spill the rest... I think she's pretty cute. 😍

Fair point—he clearly isn't aware of just how unconscious he really is. 😁

Edward Rivera98 said:It’s like I wrote the whole thing myself...

I’ve been the target of that kind of obsession before (and honestly, I still am), but I’ve also found myself right in the middle of that exact same mess...

Feelings like that are never just a one-way street, because if it’s actually going somewhere, both sides have to be fueling the fire... In our case, it just wasn't meant to work out, so I accepted that pretty damn fast, but it lingered for a bit before eventually morphing into this sweet friendship that we still have today. I've had other guys, obviously, but with him, I was looking for that specific spark—that certain something everyone is always hunting for in a partner—and he really had it all... the whole package... 😁
Well, whatever, it is what it is...

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a bit of an idealist—honestly, it’s pretty nice to just drift through the clouds when you're actually in a relationship that works... but once that turns into a full-blown fixation, or even crosses the line into something pathological, then we've got a problem. It's not just about the potential for things to end badly, though that's definitely a factor, it's more about the fact that losing touch with reality entirely is never a winning move...

That’s pretty much how it works here, too. She knows there isn't a future there, so she maintains a friendship, but that doesn't mean the affection has faded. You can't just flip a switch on love like it's an on/off button. 😉

It’s not some obsessive fixation where someone is being stalked; they see each other because they both genuinely want to. You can't force anyone to spend time with you if they don't want to, right?

Gerald Ward61 said:@cosmictinker21, you're spot on. At the end of the day, you just gotta be glad you're still breathing. 😁

And that whole "poor woman" thing? I'm picturing her as some total knockout. 😍 Then again, we don't actually know what goes on behind closed doors with cosmictinker21... and even if we did, who are we to judge? Right? I mean... seriously... 😉

She certainly is, very beautiful 🙂 — and that’s not just because she’s a friend of mine. 😁

Then again, we don't actually know her story... and even if we did, would we even have the right to judge?

Well, people will say whatever they want, including judging folks they know nothing about. But, it seems to me you've actually grasped the point. 🙂😉

Sean Cruz said:That’s pretty much how it works here, too. She knows there isn't a future there, so she maintains a friendship, but that doesn't mean the affection has faded. You can't just flip a switch on love like it's an on/off button. 😉

It’s not some obsessive fixation where someone is being stalked; they see each other because they both genuinely want to. You can't force anyone to spend time with you if they don't want to, right?

Sure, but the real question is why they feel this need for one another. Love can exist, sure, but is it a mature, partnership-driven kind of love—the kind that grows and builds something together—or is it just maintaining a status quo where both people are only getting half of what they need? Because real love is whole. When it's truly there. All those outside factors—marriage, living on opposite coasts, or realizing a real connection is impossible due to social or religious reasons—those are just obstacles preventing love from actually happening. And unfulfilled love isn't really love. If it was once realized (doesn't have to be physical) and then shifted, it usually just turns into a deep friendship and closeness. A platonic bond. Honestly, most people would probably love to have someone like an angel in their corner to turn to, even if they aren't their primary partner.

At the end of the day, a fixation is just a fixation, no matter what fancy name we give it...

cosmictinker21 said:Sure, but the real question is why they feel this need for one another. Love can exist, sure, but is it a mature, partnership-driven kind of love—the kind that grows and builds something together—or is it just maintaining a status quo where both people are only getting half of what they need? Because real love is whole. When it's truly there. All those outside factors—marriage, living on opposite coasts, or realizing a real connection is impossible due to social or religious reasons—those are just obstacles preventing love from actually happening. And unfulfilled love isn't really love. If it was once realized (doesn't have to be physical) and then shifted, it usually just turns into a deep friendship and closeness. A platonic bond. Honestly, most people would probably love to have someone like an angel in their corner to turn to, even if they aren't their primary partner.

At the end of the day, a fixation is just a fixation, no matter what fancy name we give it...

Love doesn't require you to be inseparable—it looks like you're confusing symbiosis with actual affection.
Love is one-sided, regardless of what people like to tell themselves. Even when two people claim to love each other, that doesn't mean the feeling is balanced. In most cases, it simply isn't.

Unrequited love isn't actually love at all.

You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m certainly entitled to disagree.

A fantasy is just a fantasy, no matter how much people insist on calling it love.

And you're stepping in here like some kind of judge to tell us what love is and isn't? ☕

I agree that fixation—in the sense of a pathological obsession—is a sickness. When someone relentlessly pursues another person who has zero interest in them, that individual is clearly unwell. However, what I am referring to when I use the term "fixation" in this specific context is something entirely different from the scenario you’ve constructed. Frankly, you seem to have no idea what the actual issue is here.

Sean Cruz said:Love doesn't require you to be inseparable—it looks like you're confusing symbiosis with actual affection.
Love is one-sided, regardless of what people like to tell themselves. Even when two people claim to love each other, that doesn't mean the feeling is balanced. In most cases, it simply isn't.

Unrequited love isn't actually love at all.

You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m certainly entitled to disagree.

A fantasy is just a fantasy, no matter how much people insist on calling it love.

And you're stepping in here like some kind of judge to tell us what love is and isn't? ☕

I agree that fixation—in the sense of a pathological obsession—is a sickness. When someone relentlessly pursues another person who has zero interest in them, that individual is clearly unwell. However, what I am referring to when I use the term "fixation" in this specific context is something entirely different from the scenario you’ve constructed. Frankly, you seem to have no idea what the actual issue is here.

No, and just like everyone else here, I’m just sharing my own perspective, talking about my own life or others', holding certain stances... but I really do feel for someone living in a fantasy world, no matter how pretty that fantasy might be. Unless, of course, they're genuinely unwell, in which case maybe staying in that delusion is easier for them...

People aren't symbiotic organisms; that much is obvious. An individual remains an individual.
Loving someone is just unfulfilled longing if it isn't mutual and shared, except perhaps in cases like a mother and her child...
The experience will never be identical because everyone has their own unique capacity for emotional depth...

@Maher18: Please, keep on spinning those imaginary scenarios in your head if it makes you feel better...
Frankly, I had no intention of debating you in the first place, nor do I have any interest in what you think.

I’m totally on board with what cosmictinker21 said 🤷 I mean, looking back at that friend mentioned at the start of the thread, I get the feeling he doesn't really let anyone get close to him emotionally. It’s like, every time I see him out on a date with someone, he just retreats into his own shell right after and starts obsessing over his old flame... it honestly feels like a defense mechanism to me, though I guess it's hard to say for sure

Maybe he really does love her, but if she isn't interested in being with him, I don't think it's a good idea to keep feeding into a one-sided relationship. It probably can't be healthy for his mental state, I guess 🙄

Edward Rivera98 said:It’s like I wrote the whole thing myself...

I’ve been the target of that kind of obsession before (and honestly, I still am), but I’ve also found myself right in the middle of that exact same mess...

Feelings like that are never just a one-way street, because if it’s actually going somewhere, both sides have to be fueling the fire... In our case, it just wasn't meant to work out, so I accepted that pretty damn fast, but it lingered for a bit before eventually morphing into this sweet friendship that we still have today. I've had other guys, obviously, but with him, I was looking for that specific spark—that certain something everyone is always hunting for in a partner—and he really had it all... the whole package... 😁
Well, whatever, it is what it is...

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a bit of an idealist—honestly, it’s pretty nice to just drift through the clouds when you're actually in a relationship that works... but once that turns into a full-blown fixation, or even crosses the line into something pathological, then we've got a problem. It's not just about the potential for things to end badly, though that's definitely a factor, it's more about the fact that losing touch with reality entirely is never a winning move...

Look, it doesn't even have to be about fixations or idealizing stuff. Maybe it's just about accepting things for what they are. If you can actually do that, everything gets way easier. On the flip side... life just throws stuff at you. It's rarely a straight line from A to B (well, maybe it is deep down, who knows). We honestly have no clue how this whole story is gonna play out...

cosmictinker21 said:I'm sure she's stunning. Any woman truly in love has that kind of glow—eyes bright, just radiating everything... though I suppose that changes when the feeling isn't returned. It’s hard to keep that light when things feel heavy and fruitless...

No, we don't know the full story. We aren't here to pass judgment on anyone... we're just exploring the possibilities that emerge when love simply can't be realized the way it was meant to be...

I actually went through something like this myself, a few years back...
I’d put it this way: he was the one. My person. We were perfectly aligned on every single level—intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, physically... you name it. But there were serious, heavy reasons why things couldn't work out, both for me and for him. He understood that I simply don't do compromises. And if I had insisted on having things my way, he wouldn't have survived the toll it would have taken on him, mentally or physically. He probably would have ended up back in the hospital, dealing with plasma exchanges, immunosuppressants, steroids... the whole ordeal. He just wouldn't have made it through all that. He would have died. There was nothing I could have done to change that outcome. It's just a shame...

I’ll probably never run into another man I could love with that kind of intensity. It wasn't just about the romance; he actually made me feel whole. He enriched my life just by being there—his intellect, his subtlety, that deep spiritual connection... it was everything. We went through so many cycles, breaking up and trying again, over and over. Eventually, the silence just became permanent. We stopped reaching out... and that was it.

Life keeps moving forward. I’m happy. Though, I am fully aware that I probably won't ever cross paths with someone who fit me quite as perfectly as the last one did. In this new chapter, I've discovered different sides of myself; we’re building a different kind of love, a different way of relating to one another. It's hard to explain to anyone else, but there's just this deep understanding between us... and at the end of the day, it's all just love...🙂

What exactly do you mean by "different kind of love"? 😍
...me, I'm just sitting here waiting for someone to finally shut you up... with kisses. 😍

northernbadger12 said:I’m totally on board with what cosmictinker21 said 🤷 I mean, looking back at that friend mentioned at the start of the thread, I get the feeling he doesn't really let anyone get close to him emotionally. It’s like, every time I see him out on a date with someone, he just retreats into his own shell right after and starts obsessing over his old flame... it honestly feels like a defense mechanism to me, though I guess it's hard to say for sure

Maybe he really does love her, but if she isn't interested in being with him, I don't think it's a good idea to keep feeding into a one-sided relationship. It probably can't be healthy for his mental state, I guess 🙄

The right girl will come along and love him... please... oh man... seeing love at sixteen is something else... 😍