Love as a fixed idea

Sean Cruz said:Fair point—he clearly isn't aware of just how unconscious he really is. 😁

Maybe a pack of Marlboro will finally snap him out of it... 😍

Sean Cruz said:That’s pretty much how it works here, too. She knows there isn't a future there, so she maintains a friendship, but that doesn't mean the affection has faded. You can't just flip a switch on love like it's an on/off button. 😉

It’s not some obsessive fixation where someone is being stalked; they see each other because they both genuinely want to. You can't force anyone to spend time with you if they don't want to, right?

Ugh, tell me about it... people just need to live their lives and do their thing. Honestly, everyone is so sick of explaining themselves all the time. 🙂

Sean Cruz said:Love doesn't require you to be inseparable—it looks like you're confusing symbiosis with actual affection.
Love is one-sided, regardless of what people like to tell themselves. Even when two people claim to love each other, that doesn't mean the feeling is balanced. In most cases, it simply isn't.

Unrequited love isn't actually love at all.

You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m certainly entitled to disagree.

A fantasy is just a fantasy, no matter how much people insist on calling it love.

And you're stepping in here like some kind of judge to tell us what love is and isn't? ☕

I agree that fixation—in the sense of a pathological obsession—is a sickness. When someone relentlessly pursues another person who has zero interest in them, that individual is clearly unwell. However, what I am referring to when I use the term "fixation" in this specific context is something entirely different from the scenario you’ve constructed. Frankly, you seem to have no idea what the actual issue is here.

I dig everything you wrote... but I'd also argue there is a connection here. It might not be obvious, but it's definitely there. 🙂

Gerald Ward61 said:What exactly do you mean by "different kind of love"? 😍
...me, I'm just sitting here waiting for someone to finally shut you up... with kisses. 😍

Well, he shuts me up, obviously. 🙂🙂

I honestly don't get why my sister gets so worked up over everything I post... 🤷
I shared my own sad little story about a guy who meant the world to me. He still does, in his own way, but that doesn't mean I'm still stuck emotionally in the past. My heart is where it belongs now, with my partner. And honestly, that's the only thing that actually matters...

I don't know all the specific details that you and my sister are hung up on; I'm just speaking generally, from the perspective of someone who lived through it. It’s something several women close to me have experienced too, and if you ask any therapist or psychologist, they’d tell you exactly what I described is what real love looks like. So, I really can't be blamed for how I see things...

cosmictinker21 said:Well, he shuts me up, obviously. 🙂🙂

I honestly don't get why my sister gets so worked up over everything I post... 🤷
I shared my own sad little story about a guy who meant the world to me. He still does, in his own way, but that doesn't mean I'm still stuck emotionally in the past. My heart is where it belongs now, with my partner. And honestly, that's the only thing that actually matters...

I don't know all the specific details that you and my sister are hung up on; I'm just speaking generally, from the perspective of someone who lived through it. It’s something several women close to me have experienced too, and if you ask any therapist or psychologist, they’d tell you exactly what I described is what real love looks like. So, I really can't be blamed for how I see things...

😍 Just "uh-huh" isn't gonna cut it. 🤣

Gerald Ward61 said:😍 Just "uh-huh" isn't gonna cut it. 🤣

I mean, what would be the point of me even chiming in if I didn't have an opinion?😢

Besides, who’s actually going to shut me up?😂 I come from a family of chatterboxes, after all...🤷

Other than that, looking at the whole topic this guy brought up, I figured I was probably on the right track. It was presented as a real-world scenario, so I'm just sticking to the facts of the case...

cosmictinker21 said:I mean, what would be the point of me even chiming in if I didn't have an opinion?😢

Besides, who’s actually going to shut me up?😂 I come from a family of chatterboxes, after all...🤷

Other than that, looking at the whole topic this guy brought up, I figured I was probably on the right track. It was presented as a real-world scenario, so I'm just sticking to the facts of the case...

I mean, seriously... kiss it goodbye... 😍

Gerald Ward61 said:I mean, seriously... kiss it goodbye... 😍

Anyway, they aren't here right now😢
so I've just been trying to drown out the sadness in every way possible. I write, I read, I go out, I party, I work, I take care of the kids and the dog, I hang out with good people... but nothing works. There's just this void... we talk almost every single day, just keeping each other's spirits up, waiting for them to get back soon... I'm sitting here like Penelope waiting for Odysseus... I don't even have the inspiration to write poetry anymore...😢😢😢

It’s honestly so easy to catch feelings for someone when there’s distance between you. But once you put that love to the test in a relationship where you're practically glued to each other 24/7, that’s when you see if the quality is actually there and if you two truly vibe. Couples who live in that sweet spot—where there's constant daily satisfaction without swinging wildly between extremes—are the ones where love is actually winning in every sense of the word.

That’s why, personally, whenever I hear those stories where people idolize someone by saying they hit the jack pot, I don't take it too seriously unless they’ve already spent a massive chunk of their lives together. They can't predict the future, and in a way, it kind of devalues everyone else who deserves that same "treatment." I could easily point to a few people and claim they're my "soulmates" and go on forever about it, totally getting lost in the fantasy, but that would just be lying to myself.

At the end of the day, I think there are way too many incredible people out there to just single one person out like that. For me, the real backbone of a relationship isn't just having things in common or matching on certain levels; it's that unique individual space we build together over time. That space is what makes a relationship authentic and gives it real value. It’s just silly to go chasing some "dream" that only exists in old memories or an imaginary future, especially when there's a whole new field right in front of us, waiting for us to decide exactly what we want to plant.

Basically, you've got to live a full, awesome life on your own first (completely independent of any partner) before you can even start building a "movie-worthy" story. People should really enter a relationship or marriage as two individuals who already know how to thrive solo, but are simply choosing to share their journey together.

This is exactly what I needed to hear... It’s like a balm for a bruised ego. Honestly, if you haven't mastered the art of being alone first, you're basically flying blind. You need that solitude to actually think for yourself, make your own calls, and figure out what you actually want out of life without someone else's thumb on the scale. That’s true maturity—being able to show up and give something meaningful because you’re a whole person, not just half of a broken one. Because love? Love isn't just some cinematic fever dream or this overwhelming, gut-wrenching cosmic explosion we see in movies... it's not just an endless ocean of emotion.

Love is a continuous process, not just a single moment frozen in time. It’s something you have to nurture, water, and protect like a delicate plant in a garden. At its core, love is about creating space for the other person to grow alongside you, so that two separate individuals can intentionally build something real together.

dustyharbor18 said:maybe that was meee
🙂

it was a long time ago or maybe recently, some knight I saw passing by... amidst thunder and lightning... funky 😍

Good grief, honestly, what if it actually was?

Should I send a photo? But please, just be naked—I met this little one at a nudist resort back in the day.

Look, there’s zero contradiction here. You can spiral into an illusion from a dozen different directions—that’s a given. People build connections with everyone, not just the person sleeping next to them; we build them with friends, exes, whoever. I don't see any difference there. And don't get me wrong, I do believe in those "movie stories." They happen. They're rare, sure, but they exist. When passion hits that hard, you just have to try and survive it. That overwhelming, out-of-control feeling that pulls the rug right out from under you... it happens. Not to everyone, but it's out there. Look, we aren't the first people to talk about love or the way passion burns out... we aren't reinventing the wheel here, and we certainly can't go around "selling" our personal stories, fears, or desires to anyone else. I've seen the happy endings, I've seen the tragedies... I've seen people find peace, and yeah, I've seen people be absolute idiots. And let's face it, our life plans never actually turn out the way we sketch them out. Like Microsoft says: just stay human, balancing who you were yesterday with who you are today. Isn't that basically what life is? We can't control it... wars, random natural disasters 😁, death... life, love (if you even let some people 😉). Humans are constantly fighting against nature, trying to micromanage it. But we forget to respect it, forget how massive it actually is... how unpredictable it stays. We're terrified of the unknown, even though we know so little... then again, we act like we know more than we do. And we pay for it. If it isn't today, it'll be tomorrow.

Lullaby. 🙂

velvetbear11 said:Good grief, honestly, what if it actually was?

Should I send a photo? But please, just be naked—I met this little one at a nudist resort back in the day.

Whatever, I guess. I can't even remember what that gorgeous girl looked like anyway...🤣😂

Being gay, I have this recurring habit of falling for people who are totally out of reach... it’s become a bit of a pattern at this point. I’ve actually been head over heels for unavailable people twice now—and honestly, I still haven't quite moved past it.

cosmictinker21 said:This is exactly what I needed to hear... It’s like a balm for a bruised ego. Honestly, if you haven't mastered the art of being alone first, you're basically flying blind. You need that solitude to actually think for yourself, make your own calls, and figure out what you actually want out of life without someone else's thumb on the scale. That’s true maturity—being able to show up and give something meaningful because you’re a whole person, not just half of a broken one. Because love? Love isn't just some cinematic fever dream or this overwhelming, gut-wrenching cosmic explosion we see in movies... it's not just an endless ocean of emotion.

Love is a continuous process, not just a single moment frozen in time. It’s something you have to nurture, water, and protect like a delicate plant in a garden. At its core, love is about creating space for the other person to grow alongside you, so that two separate individuals can intentionally build something real together.

Such as? 🤷

We keep growing and growing... but for what? Just to be "successful" once we're in the grave? What's the actual point?

Gerald Ward61 said:Ugh, tell me about it... people just need to live their lives and do their thing. Honestly, everyone is so sick of explaining themselves all the time. 🙂

Exactly. 🙂

Gerald Ward61 said:I dig everything you wrote... but I'd also argue there is a connection here. It might not be obvious, but it's definitely there. 🙂

In this instance, it exists. That said, love can certainly involve togetherness, but it doesn't have to. It isn't a requirement.

cosmictinker21 said:Well, he shuts me up, obviously. 🙂🙂

I honestly don't get why my sister gets so worked up over everything I post... 🤷
I shared my own sad little story about a guy who meant the world to me. He still does, in his own way, but that doesn't mean I'm still stuck emotionally in the past. My heart is where it belongs now, with my partner. And honestly, that's the only thing that actually matters...

I don't know all the specific details that you and my sister are hung up on; I'm just speaking generally, from the perspective of someone who lived through it. It’s something several women close to me have experienced too, and if you ask any therapist or psychologist, they’d tell you exactly what I described is what real love looks like. So, I really can't be blamed for how I see things...

Oh, please. Look at how someone can play the innocent victim. 😁
First, you write this sci-fi story about my friend—knowing about her only as much as I’ve shared in this thread—yet you jump to conclusions that she’s some "poor, sick woman." 🙄 Then, you wrap it up by claiming I'm "angry" at everything you say, simply because I told you I wasn't interested in your opinion. 🤣
We’ve exchanged maybe twenty posts on this entire forum, if I recall correctly, so I genuinely have to wonder if you're doing okay. 🤷
I’d warmly suggest you apply for an internship with the visionary folks over at Microsoft. Maybe they'll actually take you.

I was speaking generally.

No, you weren't speaking generally. You jumped into this thread specifically to respond to Lin-Manuel Miranda's post directed at me; essentially, you gave your answer regarding my story. Because of the sheer nonsense you wrote, I pointed out that you're just making up scenarios in your head (which you are, since you don't even know who the people in the story are, let alone the plot itself), and that’s why I said I didn't care what you thought.

cosmictinker21 said:This is exactly what I needed to hear... It’s like a balm for a bruised ego. Honestly, if you haven't mastered the art of being alone first, you're basically flying blind. You need that solitude to actually think for yourself, make your own calls, and figure out what you actually want out of life without someone else's thumb on the scale. That’s true maturity—being able to show up and give something meaningful because you’re a whole person, not just half of a broken one. Because love? Love isn't just some cinematic fever dream or this overwhelming, gut-wrenching cosmic explosion we see in movies... it's not just an endless ocean of emotion.

Love is a continuous process, not just a single moment frozen in time. It’s something you have to nurture, water, and protect like a delicate plant in a garden. At its core, love is about creating space for the other person to grow alongside you, so that two separate individuals can intentionally build something real together.

Sure. But once that person passes away, we immediately go hunting for new "meat"—pardon me, I mean looking for new "love." After all, you can't love someone in a grave; they aren't growing or evolving with you anymore. They're just being eaten by worms. 😍

Sean Cruz said:Sure. But once that person passes away, we immediately go hunting for new "meat"—pardon me, I mean looking for new "love." After all, you can't love someone in a grave; they aren't growing or evolving with you anymore. They're just being eaten by worms. 😍

That’s a pretty interesting observation. Almost worthy of Baudelaire. Is that your usual move?

Anyway, the point of this thread is exploring love as a fixed idea. Honestly, I feel for people who can't tell the difference between actual love and the fictionalized, idealized version we crave. I don't know the backstory regarding your friend, but the OP's reasoning has been laid out pretty clearly. What's actually bothering you? This is just a discussion about the concept of romanticized love. Everyone here is just sharing their thoughts, regardless of whether others find it disagreeable. I'm not trying to diminish your perspective or anyone else's... I'm just stating mine...

cosmictinker21 said:That’s a pretty interesting observation. Almost worthy of Baudelaire. Is that your usual move?

Anyway, the point of this thread is exploring love as a fixed idea. Honestly, I feel for people who can't tell the difference between actual love and the fictionalized, idealized version we crave. I don't know the backstory regarding your friend, but the OP's reasoning has been laid out pretty clearly. What's actually bothering you? This is just a discussion about the concept of romanticized love. Everyone here is just sharing their thoughts, regardless of whether others find it disagreeable. I'm not trying to diminish your perspective or anyone else's... I'm just stating mine...

I have to admit, your grasp of literary devices is somewhat lacking.

As for Baudelaire, I suspect you might have missed the specific type of woman he’s describing in verses like these:

When the fly sucks all my marrow from the bone,
I turned to her in my utter exhaustion
To offer her my whole being, but then I saw
A sticky, festering mješina, full of stench!

(Vampire Metamorphoses)

P.S. For the record, the rhetorical device I used was sarcasm. I highly recommend this book🙂 as required reading.

Apologies for the tangent.