The Unbearable Lightness of Being Too Nice

The other day, someone actually said to me, "You know, sometimes it’s just easier to be honest—it takes way less effort," and I have to admit, it totally threw me for a loop.
I get the logic behind it; telling the truth is definitely simpler because you don't have to spend half your life playing mental gymnastics trying to remember which lie you told to whom.
But is "honesty" really that straightforward?
Is it truly just a simple thing?
Honestly, I don't think so.
To me, being an honest person isn't some innate quality you're just born with; it's more like a skill that you actually have to work at.
Think about little kids—they’ll happily grab a toy from someone else, but they find it incredibly hard to actually share one of their own. Parents have to step in and teach them how to act in a socially acceptable way.

I'm a firm believer that being honest pays off in the long run, but when you look at the short term, is being truthful always the easiest path?

p.s. I almost wrote this whole thing as a post about sincerity, but I realized those aren't quite the same thing.

Honestly, it’s just like telling the truth. You don't have to play mental gymnastics to remember your own lies, you don't need some elaborate master plan, and you don't have to constantly worry about keeping your guard up or looking over your shoulder. It’s much more complicated trying to navigate a web of deception than just being straight with people. Being honest is simply easier.

Sam Green73 said:The other day, someone actually said to me, "You know, sometimes it’s just easier to be honest—it takes way less effort," and I have to admit, it totally threw me for a loop.
I get the logic behind it; telling the truth is definitely simpler because you don't have to spend half your life playing mental gymnastics trying to remember which lie you told to whom.
But is "honesty" really that straightforward?
Is it truly just a simple thing?
Honestly, I don't think so.
To me, being an honest person isn't some innate quality you're just born with; it's more like a skill that you actually have to work at.
Think about little kids—they’ll happily grab a toy from someone else, but they find it incredibly hard to actually share one of their own. Parents have to step in and teach them how to act in a socially acceptable way.

I'm a firm believer that being honest pays off in the long run, but when you look at the short term, is being truthful always the easiest path?

p.s. I almost wrote this whole thing as a post about sincerity, but I realized those aren't quite the same thing.

Why wouldn't it be... honestly, if you value being able to actually sleep at night without some nagging guilt eating at you, or if you just want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every morning without feeling like a total fraud... 🤷

Sam Green73 said:The other day, someone actually said to me, "You know, sometimes it’s just easier to be honest—it takes way less effort," and I have to admit, it totally threw me for a loop.
I get the logic behind it; telling the truth is definitely simpler because you don't have to spend half your life playing mental gymnastics trying to remember which lie you told to whom.
But is "honesty" really that straightforward?
Is it truly just a simple thing?
Honestly, I don't think so.
To me, being an honest person isn't some innate quality you're just born with; it's more like a skill that you actually have to work at.
Think about little kids—they’ll happily grab a toy from someone else, but they find it incredibly hard to actually share one of their own. Parents have to step in and teach them how to act in a socially acceptable way.

I'm a firm believer that being honest pays off in the long run, but when you look at the short term, is being truthful always the easiest path?

p.s. I almost wrote this whole thing as a post about sincerity, but I realized those aren't quite the same thing.

It depends. For me, it's easier to be honest (and get screwed over, if you catch my drift 😂, metaphorically speaking ☕) than to be dishonest. When you're dishonest, you never know who might decide to settle the score. People hate being cheated, and they love paying it back in kind. I personally dislike having people "repay" me like that, so being honest is simply more straightforward.
As the saying goes: what goes around comes around.
Just to be clear, I've been this way since I was a kid.

"Honesty is the opening chapter in the book of wisdom,"
said Thomas Jefferson.
Honestly, you gotta have some serious guts to actually be an honest person.

That's exactly right. I guess if you don't have the guts to look someone in the eye and own up to what you did, lying becomes your only option. But if you really make an effort to nurture honesty until it just becomes second nature, it stays easy. On the flip side, if you get too used to bending the truth, lying starts to feel like the path of least resistance. Sometimes it might even seem like the better way to go, though I suppose that happens much less often than telling the truth.

There is that famous sketch from Saturday Night Live where Thomas Moore (acting as Robin Hood) steals flowers from the wealthy just to hand them out to the poor. In the background, you hear this song: "Thomas Moore, he steals from the rich to give to the poor, Thomas Moore, dum dum dum..." and so on. By the end, the poor have an absolute abundance of flowers and are tossing them around, while the rich have been stripped bare and don't have a single petal left. At that point, the background music shifts to:

Thomas Moore
He steals from the poor to give to the rich
STUPID BITCH.

This chorus forces Thomas Moore to remark: "Blimey, this redistribution of wealth is trickier than I thought!" (I guess this whole wealth redistribution thing is more complicated than anticipated)

I suppose what this means is that an honest man can often find himself in a situation where his integrity backfires—not just on himself, but on the very poor people he was trying to help as a good Samaritan. Instead, he might unintentionally play right into the hands of the wealthy and the corrupt. For instance, take our veterans who fought for the US with nothing but a rifle in their hands, sacrificing their health and lives believing they were defending the country and its people. It turns out their sacrifices ended up fueling immoral war profiteers and various PIF groups (following the era of the big holding companies), who managed to build literal little empires by exploiting those stocks.

A true revolutionary probably wouldn't agree with that kind of honesty, though even they eventually run into the same issue regarding redistribution—a new elite of wealth and power always emerges, and ultimately, the revolution eats its own children (including him, too, I guess).

My conclusion would be that being honest is easy enough, provided you're also somewhat cunning. But to be truly honest—without being a complete fool at the same time—requires a great deal of careful thought, maybe. 😬

Brenda Cook4 said:Honestly, it’s just like telling the truth. You don't have to play mental gymnastics to remember your own lies, you don't need some elaborate master plan, and you don't have to constantly worry about keeping your guard up or looking over your shoulder. It’s much more complicated trying to navigate a web of deception than just being straight with people. Being honest is simply easier.

Maybe we should actually sit down and break down what we mean when we use the word honest?
Here are two different scenarios to chew on:
1. You’re walking through a Target and happen to see someone slip an item into their pocket without paying, so you go ahead and alert a store employee.

2. You find out your boss is embezzling funds from the company. The problem is, the head of internal audit is his best friend.

In that second situation, what does being "honest" actually look like?

Sam Green73 said:Maybe we should actually sit down and break down what we mean when we use the word honest?
Here are two different scenarios to chew on:
1. You’re walking through a Target and happen to see someone slip an item into their pocket without paying, so you go ahead and alert a store employee.

2. You find out your boss is embezzling funds from the company. The problem is, the head of internal audit is his best friend.

In that second situation, what does being "honest" actually look like?

2. I’m not reporting it to the auditor; I’m just going to mind my own business and move on.
..even though, strictly speaking, when this thread talks about honesty, I tend to view it more as a matter of personal conduct—you know, things like not stealing from a shop, not skimming off the top of the company books, or simply not abusing your position of power...

Is it actually fair to just sit there and do nothing when someone else plays dirty?

Sam Green73 said:Is it actually fair to just sit there and do nothing when someone else plays dirty?

Look, reacting would definitely be the better move. But honestly, if everyone just operated with a bit of integrity—treating honesty as the default setting rather than an extra effort—we wouldn't have to spend our time reporting anyone in the first place.

dustyskipper3 said:There is that famous sketch from Saturday Night Live where Thomas Moore (acting as Robin Hood) steals flowers from the wealthy just to hand them out to the poor. In the background, you hear this song: "Thomas Moore, he steals from the rich to give to the poor, Thomas Moore, dum dum dum..." and so on. By the end, the poor have an absolute abundance of flowers and are tossing them around, while the rich have been stripped bare and don't have a single petal left. At that point, the background music shifts to:

Thomas Moore
He steals from the poor to give to the rich
STUPID BITCH.

This chorus forces Thomas Moore to remark: "Blimey, this redistribution of wealth is trickier than I thought!" (I guess this whole wealth redistribution thing is more complicated than anticipated)

I suppose what this means is that an honest man can often find himself in a situation where his integrity backfires—not just on himself, but on the very poor people he was trying to help as a good Samaritan. Instead, he might unintentionally play right into the hands of the wealthy and the corrupt. For instance, take our veterans who fought for the US with nothing but a rifle in their hands, sacrificing their health and lives believing they were defending the country and its people. It turns out their sacrifices ended up fueling immoral war profiteers and various PIF groups (following the era of the big holding companies), who managed to build literal little empires by exploiting those stocks.

A true revolutionary probably wouldn't agree with that kind of honesty, though even they eventually run into the same issue regarding redistribution—a new elite of wealth and power always emerges, and ultimately, the revolution eats its own children (including him, too, I guess).

My conclusion would be that being honest is easy enough, provided you're also somewhat cunning. But to be truly honest—without being a complete fool at the same time—requires a great deal of careful thought, maybe. 😬

Are you thinking... Dennis Moore?😉
He eventually scales up his operation from swiping small change 🤣 to looting gold, silver, and everything else under the sun.

..stupid bitch..😁

Cut the philosophical lecturing. Look, everyone knows what being an honest person actually means in this country—it’s basically a losing game in the long run. You don't get anything back for it. Not even the sincerity, which I'd argue you need if you want to actually pull off anything meaningful in life.

The justice system is supposed to be "fair" and conscientious when handing down verdicts. But honestly? There are plenty of cases where the jury or the judge knows damn well the suspect is guilty, yet they have to let them walk because of some technicality or lack of evidence. Meanwhile, this guy just laughs in our faces. So much for "justice."

Brenda Cook4 said:Honestly, it’s just like telling the truth. You don't have to play mental gymnastics to remember your own lies, you don't need some elaborate master plan, and you don't have to constantly worry about keeping your guard up or looking over your shoulder. It’s much more complicated trying to navigate a web of deception than just being straight with people. Being honest is simply easier.

Dishonesty and being fake? They both come wrapped up in just plain old apathy towards the truth.🙂
It makes it easy for everyone involved, honestly—it only feels hard if you weren't born with that lack of conscience.

Sam Green73 said:The other day, someone actually said to me, "You know, sometimes it’s just easier to be honest—it takes way less effort," and I have to admit, it totally threw me for a loop.
I get the logic behind it; telling the truth is definitely simpler because you don't have to spend half your life playing mental gymnastics trying to remember which lie you told to whom.
But is "honesty" really that straightforward?
Is it truly just a simple thing?
Honestly, I don't think so.
To me, being an honest person isn't some innate quality you're just born with; it's more like a skill that you actually have to work at.
Think about little kids—they’ll happily grab a toy from someone else, but they find it incredibly hard to actually share one of their own. Parents have to step in and teach them how to act in a socially acceptable way.

I'm a firm believer that being honest pays off in the long run, but when you look at the short term, is being truthful always the easiest path?

p.s. I almost wrote this whole thing as a post about sincerity, but I realized those aren't quite the same thing.

I’d argue the exact opposite.
This is pure philosophy. When we talk about honesty, we have to view it as some kind of "universal." Our current society is definitely not the best model to use if we want to have a deep philosophical debate about being honest.
To me, honesty means sticking to the rules of your society—whether they're written down or just unwritten customs. Psychologically, it’s easiest to be honest (or tell the truth, as Joshua tells the Master in Margaret), because you’ve got the weight of an entire society backing you up. But for a person to even have the chance to be honest, they have to exist within a functional society first. If a society values hard work, the laws will be built to protect everyone's labor, and anyone following those rules can call themselves honest. If a society rewards theft, then the system is rigged so that anyone who *doesn't* steal looks like the dishonest one.
Bottom line: in a society with realistic, enforceable rules, being honest is easy.
But in a society with unrealistic rules, or no rules at all, or zero enforcement (no matter why that is), being honest is damn near impossible.

Sam Green73 said:The other day, someone actually said to me, "You know, sometimes it’s just easier to be honest—it takes way less effort," and I have to admit, it totally threw me for a loop.
I get the logic behind it; telling the truth is definitely simpler because you don't have to spend half your life playing mental gymnastics trying to remember which lie you told to whom.
But is "honesty" really that straightforward?
Is it truly just a simple thing?
Honestly, I don't think so.
To me, being an honest person isn't some innate quality you're just born with; it's more like a skill that you actually have to work at.
Think about little kids—they’ll happily grab a toy from someone else, but they find it incredibly hard to actually share one of their own. Parents have to step in and teach them how to act in a socially acceptable way.

I'm a firm believer that being honest pays off in the long run, but when you look at the short term, is being truthful always the easiest path?

p.s. I almost wrote this whole thing as a post about sincerity, but I realized those aren't quite the same thing.

Don't go trying to lecture your old man, especially since he's getting pretty forgetful lately!🙂

I think the most vital thing when you're first starting out is just being honest with yourself. Don't lie to your own face, don't play games, and stop dragging out promises or deadlines that aren't real. You have to listen to that inner voice—your conscience—instead of just following the crowd. Every sane person has one. If you actually live by it, you might actually get a decent night's sleep, instead of lying awake in bed, sweating through your sheets and wondering if you're about to get caught. Live a full life, embrace all those private details that keep you going, but know when to play it safe and stay on top of things.
Then, when you're old and gray and shaving, you can at least know your hand didn't slip where it shouldn't have.

Mark Torres14 said:I’d argue the exact opposite.
This is pure philosophy. When we talk about honesty, we have to view it as some kind of "universal." Our current society is definitely not the best model to use if we want to have a deep philosophical debate about being honest.
To me, honesty means sticking to the rules of your society—whether they're written down or just unwritten customs. Psychologically, it’s easiest to be honest (or tell the truth, as Joshua tells the Master in Margaret), because you’ve got the weight of an entire society backing you up. But for a person to even have the chance to be honest, they have to exist within a functional society first. If a society values hard work, the laws will be built to protect everyone's labor, and anyone following those rules can call themselves honest. If a society rewards theft, then the system is rigged so that anyone who *doesn't* steal looks like the dishonest one.
Bottom line: in a society with realistic, enforceable rules, being honest is easy.
But in a society with unrealistic rules, or no rules at all, or zero enforcement (no matter why that is), being honest is damn near impossible.

I just can't get behind that. Honestly, God, if we follow that logic, it means there’s absolutely no hope left for integrity...😲

Integrity belongs to the individual, regardless of whatever mess they find themselves living in, and it’s the person alone who decides on it, not some vague concept of "society."
Take, for instance, a federal prosecutor who does a lousy job because the circumstances are what they are—maybe corruption is running rampant in Washington—and they tell themselves: "If I don't do it, someone else will," so they just sit there and do nothing. 🤷
That person made a choice not to be honest. Because if they truly were an honest person, they wouldn't stay in a position where they’re forced to act corruptly just to hold onto their title and their paycheck.
It makes you wonder how many brilliant, highly skilled, and expert people are kept away from the waters of politics simply because integrity prevents them from ever getting involved in the first place.
And as long as people keep waiting for society to become honest first before they feel they can behave honestly themselves, nothing is ever going to change...
Every single person individually needs to work on their own integrity, because that is the only way to build a society that actually values honesty and uses it as its foundation.

.. either deal with our own lack of integrity and brace for the end of the world ..
.. because if .. being honest .. isn't rewarded .. then sticking to your principles just ends up screwing you and the rest of the world for nothing ..