Help! Does anyone know why they're acting like this?

You really need to get your grandmother to a doctor. Don't just let her sit there in this condition, because things could take a turn for the worse very quickly.
And please, don't go handing out any pills on your own; that’s strictly something a physician needs to prescribe.

Walter Evans3 said:So, my 83-year-old grandmother—who has always been incredibly sharp and well-read—has recently started acting quite strangely. She lives with her daughter, who works long hours and is rarely home, while the rest of the family only drops by once a week for short visits, so she spends a lot of time alone. Now we’re facing a real crisis because she suddenly announced to everyone that she’s getting married, which came as a massive shock to the whole family. She’s started going out and staying away from the house for an hour or two at a time, and we were all convinced she was out with this supposed fiancé, but then we discovered that he doesn't actually exist!!! She has begun inventing all sorts of things; she wanders off, stays out late, talks to herself on the street or in the house, and at night she'll lie in bed laughing, talking, or crying. She often holds her hand up to her ear and insists that we just can't see the receiver, claiming it’s a "military" earpiece that only she and her "boyfriend" can perceive... if anyone suggests she's just talking to herself, she gets defensive and laughs it off as if it isn't true. I tried a different approach once—when she said this person wanted to meet me, I told her I was ready, but when I actually got dressed, she told me "he" couldn't make it. Essentially, we've all come to the conclusion that this is like an imaginary friend for a child, but nobody knows how to handle it or how to talk to her about it. As her granddaughter, this is especially painful because, I have to emphasize, she was always such an intelligent, educated woman, and I never expected this to happen; plus, she is putting herself in danger by walking around at night, especially since her vision isn't what it used to be. We don't live close by, so unfortunately I can only visit a few times a year, but she always used to look forward to seeing me; now, she can hardly wait to lock herself in her room to talk to this imaginary person... I am deeply worried about her, and if anyone knows what kind of condition this might be, please help me... thank you in advance!

I am no expert, but it seems to me that these could be the early stages of Alzheimer's disease.

Honestly, what’s the endgame here? Is she actually going to see a specialist? Does anyone truly believe a doctor can just fix her?

It looks like psychotic-level depression, which actually isn't all that uncommon in older folks. We're talking about something very serious here, and there’s a solid chance that medication could either cure it or at least significantly improve the situation. In my opinion, it is completely inhumane and unethical to deny them help, regardless of whatever excuses are being made! Besides, doctors do house calls, and you always have > available if things go south. Someone acting out psychotically—which is definitely what we're seeing here—is a clear indicator that you need to call one of those two options for an immediate consultation. Ideally, you should start with the family doctor if that's an option, which it ought to be.
And you need to move fast, because we have no way of knowing the suicide risk, and we don't want to be caught off guard by that.
Naturally, they’ll probably need a brief hospital stay until the symptoms subside and the risk of self-harm is managed.

Keith Jones76 said:It looks like psychotic-level depression, which actually isn't all that uncommon in older folks. We're talking about something very serious here, and there’s a solid chance that medication could either cure it or at least significantly improve the situation. In my opinion, it is completely inhumane and unethical to deny them help, regardless of whatever excuses are being made! Besides, doctors do house calls, and you always have > available if things go south. Someone acting out psychotically—which is definitely what we're seeing here—is a clear indicator that you need to call one of those two options for an immediate consultation. Ideally, you should start with the family doctor if that's an option, which it ought to be.
And you need to move fast, because we have no way of knowing the suicide risk, and we don't want to be caught off guard by that.
Naturally, they’ll probably need a brief hospital stay until the symptoms subside and the risk of self-harm is managed.

I'm with you on this!👍

Thanks for the support.

William Reed3 said:Just slip some Lorazepam into her soup. If she starts acting more chill (give it at least 2 to 2.5 hours)... you'll see it work.

If that doesn't do the trick... try Xanax, maybe Bromazepam, or Diazepam.

And if all else fails... find a decent barbiturate.

Honestly, your little circle is going to calm her down much faster than any doctor will ever convince her that this "third person" isn't actually there. (And that goes for before, too).

It’s probably best if you witness firsthand how much she needs the meds, then use that to talk her into seeing a specialist who actually knows their way around a prescription pad.

Personally, I just prescribe Lorazepam for everything. I even pour a bit of Diazepam into the cat's milk when he starts meowing too much.

I guess you shouldn't go treating Grandma like some kind of lab rabbit for your little experiments. It seems like a bad idea, honestly. Maybe just stick to things that don't involve testing theories on her.

I mean, honestly, you should probably just take her to a psychiatrist for a formal evaluation. It might be worth getting a professional opinion on the situation.
Maybe even under some kind of pretext—it’s all just part of the show, I suppose. The wedding planner! 😂)
Paranoia isn't always just some psychological quirk, either. It can be a symptom of just about anything, really. I guess you could be looking at something as simple as a bad urinary tract infection causing a bit of delirium, or it could be something much heavier, like dementia or Alzheimer’s. Then there’s the physiological stuff—electrolyte imbalances, shifts in blood chemistry, or even a brain tumor. You name it. It’s all on the table, I suppose. Everything can manifest that way if you look closely enough.

I mean, look, you aren't exactly her doctor, so deciding her entire treatment plan and then just tossing medication into her food... I guess that’s a bit much. It probably isn't the best move, honestly.

If she refuses to see a psychiatrist, then honestly, whatever. I guess you could just pay for a private specialist to come out to the house for a day or two to keep an eye on things. It’s probably worth it if it keeps the situation from spiraling, though I suppose that's just more money down the drain.
I guess you really shouldn't be handing anything out until a specialist actually maps out the treatment plan. It might seem simple, but maybe it’s better to just wait for the professional to make the call first.

Nicole Barrett76 said:I am no expert, but it seems to me that these could be the early stages of Alzheimer's disease.

Yeah, honestly, that was the first thing that crossed my mind too.

That’s not exactly typical for Alzheimer's.

Walter Evans3 said:So, my 83-year-old grandmother—who has always been incredibly sharp and well-read—has recently started acting quite strangely. She lives with her daughter, who works long hours and is rarely home, while the rest of the family only drops by once a week for short visits, so she spends a lot of time alone. Now we’re facing a real crisis because she suddenly announced to everyone that she’s getting married, which came as a massive shock to the whole family. She’s started going out and staying away from the house for an hour or two at a time, and we were all convinced she was out with this supposed fiancé, but then we discovered that he doesn't actually exist!!! She has begun inventing all sorts of things; she wanders off, stays out late, talks to herself on the street or in the house, and at night she'll lie in bed laughing, talking, or crying. She often holds her hand up to her ear and insists that we just can't see the receiver, claiming it’s a "military" earpiece that only she and her "boyfriend" can perceive... if anyone suggests she's just talking to herself, she gets defensive and laughs it off as if it isn't true. I tried a different approach once—when she said this person wanted to meet me, I told her I was ready, but when I actually got dressed, she told me "he" couldn't make it. Essentially, we've all come to the conclusion that this is like an imaginary friend for a child, but nobody knows how to handle it or how to talk to her about it. As her granddaughter, this is especially painful because, I have to emphasize, she was always such an intelligent, educated woman, and I never expected this to happen; plus, she is putting herself in danger by walking around at night, especially since her vision isn't what it used to be. We don't live close by, so unfortunately I can only visit a few times a year, but she always used to look forward to seeing me; now, she can hardly wait to lock herself in her room to talk to this imaginary person... I am deeply worried about her, and if anyone knows what kind of condition this might be, please help me... thank you in advance!

😢 me too, I just remembered my own grandmother... She was also pretty lonely, and suddenly this hit her hard. We took her to doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists—you name it—and nobody could tell us anything; they all insisted she was perfectly fine and healthy for her age. Then she turned aggressive, so they put her on some sedatives, but they still maintained nothing was wrong. Meanwhile, she was seeing her late sisters, brothers, her son, even her old childhood hometown. She lost track of whether it was day or night, stopped sleeping, and would wander aimlessly around town picking flowers, leaving us frantic trying to find her. It was just pure chaos. In the end, after two years of that struggle, she passed away. Ten days before she died, she was admitted to a psychiatric ward for a week, and when she came out, she was basically a shell of herself. She passed shortly after. To this day, we still don't know exactly what happened to her 😢

I honestly don't know what to say to you. I really hope your grandmother gets better and that someone can provide the help she needs. Hang in there—don't give up on her 😘

Keith Jones76 said:That’s not exactly typical for Alzheimer's.

Is that because hallucinations aren't part of the Alzheimer profile?

Sarah Rodriguez4 said:😢 me too, I just remembered my own grandmother... She was also pretty lonely, and suddenly this hit her hard. We took her to doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists—you name it—and nobody could tell us anything; they all insisted she was perfectly fine and healthy for her age. Then she turned aggressive, so they put her on some sedatives, but they still maintained nothing was wrong. Meanwhile, she was seeing her late sisters, brothers, her son, even her old childhood hometown. She lost track of whether it was day or night, stopped sleeping, and would wander aimlessly around town picking flowers, leaving us frantic trying to find her. It was just pure chaos. In the end, after two years of that struggle, she passed away. Ten days before she died, she was admitted to a psychiatric ward for a week, and when she came out, she was basically a shell of herself. She passed shortly after. To this day, we still don't know exactly what happened to her 😢

I honestly don't know what to say to you. I really hope your grandmother gets better and that someone can provide the help she needs. Hang in there—don't give up on her 😘

I share that fear. I’ve seen enough cases where elderly people are practically beaten down by the system. Hospitalization is a dangerous gamble. Maybe try a neurologist or a full blood panel first to see if there's a physiological cause.

But psychiatry, geriatric wards, and forced hospitalization? That won't cure her; it'll likely destroy her.

If she's happy as she is, don't force treatment on her and risk making everything worse.

Andrew Barrett4 said:I guess you shouldn't go treating Grandma like some kind of lab rabbit for your little experiments. It seems like a bad idea, honestly. Maybe just stick to things that don't involve testing theories on her.

I mean, honestly, you should probably just take her to a psychiatrist for a formal evaluation. It might be worth getting a professional opinion on the situation.
Maybe even under some kind of pretext—it’s all just part of the show, I suppose. The wedding planner! 😂)
Paranoia isn't always just some psychological quirk, either. It can be a symptom of just about anything, really. I guess you could be looking at something as simple as a bad urinary tract infection causing a bit of delirium, or it could be something much heavier, like dementia or Alzheimer’s. Then there’s the physiological stuff—electrolyte imbalances, shifts in blood chemistry, or even a brain tumor. You name it. It’s all on the table, I suppose. Everything can manifest that way if you look closely enough.

I mean, look, you aren't exactly her doctor, so deciding her entire treatment plan and then just tossing medication into her food... I guess that’s a bit much. It probably isn't the best move, honestly.

If she refuses to see a psychiatrist, then honestly, whatever. I guess you could just pay for a private specialist to come out to the house for a day or two to keep an eye on things. It’s probably worth it if it keeps the situation from spiraling, though I suppose that's just more money down the drain.
I guess you really shouldn't be handing anything out until a specialist actually maps out the treatment plan. It might seem simple, but maybe it’s better to just wait for the professional to make the call first.

If that were actually the case, a neurologist or a standard blood panel would catch it immediately.

Morgan Cooper34 said:You’ll get used to it.
In the beginning, it’s rough. Her reality and yours just don't align. But honestly, it's much easier to just lean into it—to play along with this fiancé business—than to watch her suffer because you won't validate her experience. To her, it is all very real.
Just support Grandma. Tell her you're happy if she's happy, and that you're fine with her choice. And please, stop trying to force her back into your version of reality. 😢
It reminds me of the hallucinations my grandfather had right before he passed away. We all played along just so he could feel some peace. There was no point in arguing facts with him. 😢
It takes very little effort from your side, but for her, it means everything. 🤷

I'm with you on that.

🙂

Drew Morgan said:Is this senile dementia or Alzheimer, mixed with psychological issues stemming from isolation? I agree—you have to meet her where she is and enter her world.

Frankly, the people who want to just numb an elderly woman with a cocktail of pills because "she’s old and dying soon" drive me absolutely insane. I honestly don't know what goes through your heads when you think like that...😲😲😲

My grandma had Alzheimer for 8 years..
And yeah, I agree, there isn't much doctors can actually do here..
We took her to a doctor right at the start, but they sent her to a state psych ward, and we found her tied down to a bed. 😲 😲
We brought her home immediately and she lived with us for 8 years after that..
It's a brutal disease. Honestly, I'd say it's harder on the caregivers than the patient themselves.
Because they're living in their own universe.. eventually, she wouldn't recognize any of us.. She'd wake up in the middle of the night claiming she was heading to a Broadway premiere.. Over time, we started hiding anything sharp from her, like kitchen knives, because you never know how someone might react.
One day I was her neighbor, the next she was asking if I was married to her brother, and by the third day—she had no clue who I was..
It was exhausting, man, seriously..
If we had to play with Barbies, we did. Even though she was 88, she wanted to play with Barbies. 😍
Yeah, hallucinations and making things up are definitely part of it, along with everything else, but you just have to push through.. You just have to be patient. 😉

Gary Cox2 said:My grandma had Alzheimer for 8 years..
And yeah, I agree, there isn't much doctors can actually do here..
We took her to a doctor right at the start, but they sent her to a state psych ward, and we found her tied down to a bed. 😲 😲
We brought her home immediately and she lived with us for 8 years after that..
It's a brutal disease. Honestly, I'd say it's harder on the caregivers than the patient themselves.
Because they're living in their own universe.. eventually, she wouldn't recognize any of us.. She'd wake up in the middle of the night claiming she was heading to a Broadway premiere.. Over time, we started hiding anything sharp from her, like kitchen knives, because you never know how someone might react.
One day I was her neighbor, the next she was asking if I was married to her brother, and by the third day—she had no clue who I was..
It was exhausting, man, seriously..
If we had to play with Barbies, we did. Even though she was 88, she wanted to play with Barbies. 😍
Yeah, hallucinations and making things up are definitely part of it, along with everything else, but you just have to push through.. You just have to be patient. 😉

So, you're admitting they exist in Alzheimer's patients after all? Look at how they "treated" my friend's grandmother for neurological issues at the local VA hospital—they practically kept her strapped to a bed. A close acquaintance told me about her grandmother, who was battling cancer but remained completely lucid. One time, she showed a bit of her old-school grit and temper, and they immediately pumped her full of Haldol! They hit her with antipsychotics that were strictly contraindicated because of her heart condition. She believes those doctors at the geriatric ward essentially killed her.

mellowjackal76 said:Getting Grandma to the doctor is a given, but honestly, she could use some actual human interaction too. It’s pretty obvious she’s feeling incredibly isolated 😢

I completely agree. Medication should only be handled by a physician.
And loneliness is bad for anyone, let alone someone whose vulnerabilities are only increasing.

Being in your 80s is hard.
It's also hard to wrap your head around what that really entails.
Over these next few weeks, we should try to experience as much as possible
(though whether everything can be resolved in such a short window remains to be seen),
to find a more permanent solution.

I don't have all the answers,
and I struggle with the loneliness of my own loved one.
Despite being social and active,
despite my attention and the attention of others.

Everything from their former life is missing.
- Reading, for instance—it's tough to read when you're over 80,
and others rarely notice that! -
The husband is gone. The companionship is gone. The male company is gone. The female company is gone.

Missing those friends, both close and distant,
who were always nearby and part of life's fabric
(even if there wasn't enough time to hang out back then... sigh).
All those different activities suddenly feel out of reach...
...or she's just become too slow.

I think it's difficult to grasp what it means to be 80,
and I think we rarely take the time to truly understand,
to act,
...

or even to prepare for our own 80th year.

Walter Evans3 said:So, my 83-year-old grandmother—who has always been incredibly sharp and well-read—has recently started acting quite strangely. She lives with her daughter, who works long hours and is rarely home, while the rest of the family only drops by once a week for short visits, so she spends a lot of time alone. Now we’re facing a real crisis because she suddenly announced to everyone that she’s getting married, which came as a massive shock to the whole family. She’s started going out and staying away from the house for an hour or two at a time, and we were all convinced she was out with this supposed fiancé, but then we discovered that he doesn't actually exist!!! She has begun inventing all sorts of things; she wanders off, stays out late, talks to herself on the street or in the house, and at night she'll lie in bed laughing, talking, or crying. She often holds her hand up to her ear and insists that we just can't see the receiver, claiming it’s a "military" earpiece that only she and her "boyfriend" can perceive... if anyone suggests she's just talking to herself, she gets defensive and laughs it off as if it isn't true. I tried a different approach once—when she said this person wanted to meet me, I told her I was ready, but when I actually got dressed, she told me "he" couldn't make it. Essentially, we've all come to the conclusion that this is like an imaginary friend for a child, but nobody knows how to handle it or how to talk to her about it. As her granddaughter, this is especially painful because, I have to emphasize, she was always such an intelligent, educated woman, and I never expected this to happen; plus, she is putting herself in danger by walking around at night, especially since her vision isn't what it used to be. We don't live close by, so unfortunately I can only visit a few times a year, but she always used to look forward to seeing me; now, she can hardly wait to lock herself in her room to talk to this imaginary person... I am deeply worried about her, and if anyone knows what kind of condition this might be, please help me... thank you in advance!

This really does sound like an imaginary friend from childhood. My thought is that, given what was mentioned above, Grandma likely knows he isn't real, but creating him makes it easier to deal with the loneliness... and she simply doesn't want to let go, because honestly, what else is she getting in return??? Almost zero attention from the family, which isn't pleasant, and she probably feels unloved or left out... besides, if someone is highly intelligent and imaginative, they can't just flip a switch and turn their brain off to become a vegetable... instead of treating her like some freak who needs to be analyzed, maybe it wouldn't hurt to communicate with her more, so she sees she can get love and support in reality and doesn't have to seek it in her imagination...
I heard a story once about a gentleman who would walk or sit on a park bench every single day with his wife. Their conversations were lively and very intelligent... there was just one issue: the wife was invisible, meaning she had passed away a long time ago. But that didn't stop him from keeping her alive within himself... people would wonder who he was talking to, but when they spoke to him, he would respond quite intelligently; he didn't sound like a schizophrenic talking to a ghost... I suspect his imagination is exactly what keeps him going. Sometimes people feel so miserable and lonely that they'd rather end it all, and a psychiatrist once noted that what looks like psychosis to outsiders is often the final defense mechanism a personality uses to prevent suicide. So, just let Grandma have her joy, if you aren't able to fully replace it....

Drew Morgan said:Is that because hallucinations aren't part of the Alzheimer profile?

It’s not about whether hallucinations are present; it’s about the absence of a whole different set of signature symptoms.
That said, you really need a doctor to make the final diagnosis.

I have no idea why this thread turned into a discussion about Alzheimer's. 😕
I guess it's just the go-to mental health label people jump to whenever they hear an elderly person is struggling, even if they don't know anything else.
The grandmother might actually have something completely treatable. Instead, we're wasting time writing her off based on a non-existent case of Alzheimer's.

It would be different if it fell into the hands of someone truly dedicated who just lacked the resources. As it stands, the system mostly writes off the elderly 😢