Help! Does anyone know why they're acting like this?

Drew Morgan said:It would be different if it fell into the hands of someone truly dedicated who just lacked the resources. As it stands, the system mostly writes off the elderly 😢

I'm right there with you. My grandmother used to forget who we were—she wouldn't even recognize us—yet the doctors kept insisting it was just "old age" and that she was being difficult. 😢

One of my incredibly clueless sisters even had the nerve to suggest that since Grandma was 85, it wasn't worth wasting anyone's time on her. 👎

The family needs to step up even more.
If it were a younger family member—say, a kid—battling cancer, nobody would just sit there taking one doctor's word for it. People would scour the entire country to find anyone who could actually fix the problem. That’s just how it works. The family should be putting in that same level of effort.

If you have the capital, you could take her to a private neurology clinic for an evaluation, but heaven forbid she actually gets hospitalized. Furthermore, anything forced upon her against her will—and we've already established she won't see a doctor—will only make her condition worse.

I honestly think it’s better to let a doctor make that call. I already brought up the possibility of suicide prevention earlier. If that’s actually on the table, then hospitalization is probably the more useful route—avoiding it could end up doing more harm than good.
And besides, why not just go to a private clinic? A single consultation shouldn't break the bank.

Drew Morgan said:It would be different if it fell into the hands of someone truly dedicated who just lacked the resources. As it stands, the system mostly writes off the elderly 😢

The system simply discards those who lack financial means and those who aren't aggressive enough—those who refuse to fight tooth and nail for every single thing until their dying breath. For instance, both a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist I encountered refused to provide even a modicum of adequate psychological support.

One female psychiatrist actually dismissed me entirely after I shared that, following a prolonged period on benzodiazepines and hypnotics, I had successfully tapered myself off and was now using natural supplements to aid my sleep. (In truth, I haven't even used those for quite some time now.) Rather than feeling any sense of pride or relief at my success, she coldly informed me that since I had chosen self-treatment, I should stop coming to her altogether.

Admittedly, the focus here shouldn't be on myself, but rather on my grandmother, yet the situation remains just as dire...

Could there be any greater mystery than the quiet complexities of a soul like Leesha? Is it not true that we often overlook the profound depth held within such an individual? kaže:
Is there anything more disheartening than hearing such callousness from one's own flesh and blood? My sister actually had the audacity to suggest that since our grandmother is eighty-five years old, we shouldn't bother wasting any more of our precious time on her. 👎

I would venture to bet that the sister was sitting in a dark blue corner rather than a light blue one. Is it not true that the vast majority of those in the "dark blue" camp tend to behave exactly this way?

Keith Jones76 said:I honestly think it’s better to let a doctor make that call. I already brought up the possibility of suicide prevention earlier. If that’s actually on the table, then hospitalization is probably the more useful route—avoiding it could end up doing more harm than good.
And besides, why not just go to a private clinic? A single consultation shouldn't break the bank.

Nobody said there were any signs of suicidal tendencies. But fine—theoretically, anything is possible. Even if hospitalization prevents her from taking her own life, she'll likely end up dead anyway. I don't know, maybe there's some high-end sanatorium in Switzerland costing over $1,000 a day that could change the outcome, but within our current system? I doubt it. I'm talking about psychiatric or geriatric wards here. Maybe an internal medicine ward is different. Who knows...

Nicole Barrett76 said:The system simply discards those who lack financial means and those who aren't aggressive enough—those who refuse to fight tooth and nail for every single thing until their dying breath. For instance, both a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist I encountered refused to provide even a modicum of adequate psychological support.

One female psychiatrist actually dismissed me entirely after I shared that, following a prolonged period on benzodiazepines and hypnotics, I had successfully tapered myself off and was now using natural supplements to aid my sleep. (In truth, I haven't even used those for quite some time now.) Rather than feeling any sense of pride or relief at my success, she coldly informed me that since I had chosen self-treatment, I should stop coming to her altogether.

Admittedly, the focus here shouldn't be on myself, but rather on my grandmother, yet the situation remains just as dire...

Now imagine being over 80 and facing this. It's a nightmare.

The bolded part is a total disaster. 😲

There's really no need to start catastrophizing before anything has even happened.

boldjackal10 said:Just let the old lady enjoy herself with her friends.

If she’s actually having that much fun, then I’m a yes too! 👍👍👍

Nicole Barrett76 said:The system simply discards those who lack financial means and those who aren't aggressive enough—those who refuse to fight tooth and nail for every single thing until their dying breath. For instance, both a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist I encountered refused to provide even a modicum of adequate psychological support.

One female psychiatrist actually dismissed me entirely after I shared that, following a prolonged period on benzodiazepines and hypnotics, I had successfully tapered myself off and was now using natural supplements to aid my sleep. (In truth, I haven't even used those for quite some time now.) Rather than feeling any sense of pride or relief at my success, she coldly informed me that since I had chosen self-treatment, I should stop coming to her altogether.

Admittedly, the focus here shouldn't be on myself, but rather on my grandmother, yet the situation remains just as dire...

Benzodiazepines can actually be found in everyday foods like potatoes—naturally, of course. Every single potato contains a certain amount of benzodiazepines.

William Reed3 said:Benzodiazepines can actually be found in everyday foods like potatoes—naturally, of course. Every single potato contains a certain amount of benzodiazepines.

Good heavens! How could I have been so unaware of such a fact?

So you were "smart" enough to "know" they were unnatural, and now somehow it's my fault because I called you an idiot regarding benzodiazepines? Sure, okay. Fine.
Keep acting like you're the smartest person in the room. Whatever. See ya.
That's your response to me.
________________________
________________________
A few fun facts for you:

Benzodiazepines started being used long before anyone realized they could basically be grown in a potato patch—as if the potatoes were just manufacturing them on their own. Honestly, most doctors around here wouldn't know what to make of that if it hit them in the face.

So, here's the deal with morphine: it was originally pulled from poppies—which is why they called it morphine, basically naming it after the Greek god of dreams. But turns out, our brains actually produce its own version of the stuff naturally, just slightly tweaked with some peptide chains. Eventually, scientists realized there’s a pure, straight-up morphine produced internally by the brain itself. That's where we get the term "endorphins"—it's just shorthand for "endogenous morphines."

Paradise has serotonin baked right into its DNA, and since serotonin lives in your brain, I guess you could say the whole thing is a chemical loop.

DMT—which, let’s be real, is basically just what happens when you're tripping on LSD—is actually produced naturally within the human body. Of course, we only figured that out after stumbling upon it in plants first.

There’s also some talk—which I haven't really looked into myself—about these things called endocannabinoids. Apparently, they're like the body's own version of marijuana that the brain produces naturally. It's funny how we only even realized they existed after scientists started studying the cannabinoids found in cannabis.

There are plenty of plants out there that pack up to four different human neurotransmitters inside them, basically doing our job for us. Does that actually say something about the nature of plants?

Science still hasn't even figured out basic stuff—like, for instance, what cocaine actually does for the coca plant. We still don't truly understand its specific role in their biology.

It’s pretty wild when you think about it—modern anesthesiology still relies so heavily on opium poppy derivatives. It really is the cornerstone of almost every general anesthesia setup we use today.

Cough syrups—the kind kids sometimes chug like they’re at an open bar—contain codeine, which comes from poppies. It’s honestly hard to believe that a kid wouldn't actually *want* to get high off a syrup containing codeine. There has to be a motive there. Just like sexual or social drives, I'm convinced that the urge to get high will eventually be added to the list of basic human instincts.

Endorphins (again): Sigmund Freud is pretty much the only person in history who managed to battle a brutal, twenty-year struggle with jaw and palate cancer—undergoing countless surgeries along the way—without ever touching morphine or anything else like it. He could even keep working, writing, and running sessions. His doctor was reportedly so stunned by his ability to endure such agonizing pain without medication that he dedicated years of his career to studying Freud’s case. It turns out Freud was somehow ahead of official medical consensus; he baffled the experts so much that people have actually written books trying to figure out how he avoided morphine while dealing with one of the most painful cancers imaginable.

I bet there are countless other examples of science lagging behind like this that I haven't even stumbled upon yet.

The point is: Look, if you want to take pills or experiment with substances, just do it. Deep down, that’s what you actually want. There are plenty of legal ways to get high, anyway. Humans have been using drugs since the beginning of time—it's a primal instinct. If you try to suppress that urge, you run into the same issues as suppressing any other natural drive: neuroses, decreased productivity, and all that good stuff.

Look, theoretically, someone could hit the heroin once a week and stay functional for years without becoming a total wreck. But that’s just theory. In reality, once you start chasing that high day after day, you're done. Everyone knows how this goes, but nobody has the willpower to actually wait until next weekend, so don't be stupid. Honestly, a little bit of Benadryl on a needle hits harder than cocaine when you're snorting it. Don't be an idiot.

Sigmund Freud (again): He’s basically the only guy in history who could dose himself with cocaine day after day—likely switching over to crack later on—without actually getting hooked. There are entire books written about this, and honestly, he kind of caught mainstream medicine off guard. So, what does that mean? Does it mean he just had more endorphins running through him than your average person?

It’s the same old Eastern clichés about endorphins on loop. They claim meditation or acupuncture can hit you just as hard as morphine. Honestly, you see plenty of MDs in mainstream medicine leaning into acupuncture for purely recreational, quasi-addictive purposes—even if they play it off differently when they aren't around friends. But once they realize you've caught onto what they're actually doing, they give you that little knowing wink, especially if they're trying to keep up appearances in a group.

William Reed3 said:So you were "smart" enough to "know" they were unnatural, and now somehow it's my fault because I called you an idiot regarding benzodiazepines? Sure, okay. Fine.
Keep acting like you're the smartest person in the room. Whatever. See ya.
That's your response to me.
________________________
________________________
A few fun facts for you:

Benzodiazepines started being used long before anyone realized they could basically be grown in a potato patch—as if the potatoes were just manufacturing them on their own. Honestly, most doctors around here wouldn't know what to make of that if it hit them in the face.

So, here's the deal with morphine: it was originally pulled from poppies—which is why they called it morphine, basically naming it after the Greek god of dreams. But turns out, our brains actually produce its own version of the stuff naturally, just slightly tweaked with some peptide chains. Eventually, scientists realized there’s a pure, straight-up morphine produced internally by the brain itself. That's where we get the term "endorphins"—it's just shorthand for "endogenous morphines."

Paradise has serotonin baked right into its DNA, and since serotonin lives in your brain, I guess you could say the whole thing is a chemical loop.

DMT—which, let’s be real, is basically just what happens when you're tripping on LSD—is actually produced naturally within the human body. Of course, we only figured that out after stumbling upon it in plants first.

There’s also some talk—which I haven't really looked into myself—about these things called endocannabinoids. Apparently, they're like the body's own version of marijuana that the brain produces naturally. It's funny how we only even realized they existed after scientists started studying the cannabinoids found in cannabis.

There are plenty of plants out there that pack up to four different human neurotransmitters inside them, basically doing our job for us. Does that actually say something about the nature of plants?

Science still hasn't even figured out basic stuff—like, for instance, what cocaine actually does for the coca plant. We still don't truly understand its specific role in their biology.

It’s pretty wild when you think about it—modern anesthesiology still relies so heavily on opium poppy derivatives. It really is the cornerstone of almost every general anesthesia setup we use today.

Cough syrups—the kind kids sometimes chug like they’re at an open bar—contain codeine, which comes from poppies. It’s honestly hard to believe that a kid wouldn't actually *want* to get high off a syrup containing codeine. There has to be a motive there. Just like sexual or social drives, I'm convinced that the urge to get high will eventually be added to the list of basic human instincts.

Endorphins (again): Sigmund Freud is pretty much the only person in history who managed to battle a brutal, twenty-year struggle with jaw and palate cancer—undergoing countless surgeries along the way—without ever touching morphine or anything else like it. He could even keep working, writing, and running sessions. His doctor was reportedly so stunned by his ability to endure such agonizing pain without medication that he dedicated years of his career to studying Freud’s case. It turns out Freud was somehow ahead of official medical consensus; he baffled the experts so much that people have actually written books trying to figure out how he avoided morphine while dealing with one of the most painful cancers imaginable.

I bet there are countless other examples of science lagging behind like this that I haven't even stumbled upon yet.

The point is: Look, if you want to take pills or experiment with substances, just do it. Deep down, that’s what you actually want. There are plenty of legal ways to get high, anyway. Humans have been using drugs since the beginning of time—it's a primal instinct. If you try to suppress that urge, you run into the same issues as suppressing any other natural drive: neuroses, decreased productivity, and all that good stuff.

Look, theoretically, someone could hit the heroin once a week and stay functional for years without becoming a total wreck. But that’s just theory. In reality, once you start chasing that high day after day, you're done. Everyone knows how this goes, but nobody has the willpower to actually wait until next weekend, so don't be stupid. Honestly, a little bit of Benadryl on a needle hits harder than cocaine when you're snorting it. Don't be an idiot.

Sigmund Freud (again): He’s basically the only guy in history who could dose himself with cocaine day after day—likely switching over to crack later on—without actually getting hooked. There are entire books written about this, and honestly, he kind of caught mainstream medicine off guard. So, what does that mean? Does it mean he just had more endorphins running through him than your average person?

It’s the same old Eastern clichés about endorphins on loop. They claim meditation or acupuncture can hit you just as hard as morphine. Honestly, you see plenty of MDs in mainstream medicine leaning into acupuncture for purely recreational, quasi-addictive purposes—even if they play it off differently when they aren't around friends. But once they realize you've caught onto what they're actually doing, they give you that little knowing wink, especially if they're trying to keep up appearances in a group.

On what possible basis are you concluding that I have assigned any blame to you whatsoever?

My bad if I sounded a bit harsh there. My mistake. 😢 Honestly, I’m just on edge today.

William Reed3 said:My bad if I sounded a bit harsh there. My mistake. 😢 Honestly, I’m just on edge today.

Look, you've got uncles (and aunts) in the medical field who could probably help you sort this out. 😉

I wanted to check in with an update—for the last few days, we’ve mostly been pretending everything is fine, or at least I have been since I’ve been by her side 24/7, which is honestly starting to wear me down. She’s been claiming there are listening devices hidden all over her apartment and that he can hear everything—could this be schizophrenia? She eventually gave me a full name for this man, and when I brought it up to my mother, she told me the man actually passed away six years ago. Apparently, he had asked her to marry him about ten years ago, but she turned him down back then because she felt he was just trying to exploit her—his plan was to move into her place, sell his own house, and hand all the cash over to his kids. Now, though, she insists he is a wonderful person.
To make a long story short, she barely mentioned him on Wednesday or Thursday, so I thought she was finally calming down, but then Friday hit like a ton of bricks. Out of nowhere, she starts planning to buy rings, booking a venue, and even calling a cousin—who had absolutely no idea what was happening—to drive them around to get everything done. When I tried to step in and tell her not to waste money like this, she got upset and spent the rest of the day in tears, though I didn't have the heart to tell her that the man isn't even alive. When she woke up Saturday morning and told her aunt, who lives with us, things really boiled over. Her aunt wasn't screaming, but she was speaking with this frantic, nervous energy, trying to explain that this man doesn't exist and that she’s just driving everyone crazy. That caused her to break down, and things were quiet until this morning, when she snapped that she doesn't care if we don't want her to marry him; she’s going to do it regardless. Now, we’re starting to fear that this whole "wedding" obsession might have nothing to do with his death. 😢 😢 😢 😢 By the way, she isn't sleeping at all, she's hardly eating, and she's already lost about nine pounds. And when we suggested that maybe it’s time to go talk to a professional, she just looked at us like we were the ones losing our minds. 😳/

Just slip some Lorazepam into her soup. Look, I don't give a damn about you, I just want my grandma to get some relief.

Morgan Cooper34 said:You’ll get used to it.
In the beginning, it’s rough. Her reality and yours just don't align. But honestly, it's much easier to just lean into it—to play along with this fiancé business—than to watch her suffer because you won't validate her experience. To her, it is all very real.
Just support Grandma. Tell her you're happy if she's happy, and that you're fine with her choice. And please, stop trying to force her back into your version of reality. 😢
It reminds me of the hallucinations my grandfather had right before he passed away. We all played along just so he could feel some peace. There was no point in arguing facts with him. 😢
It takes very little effort from your side, but for her, it means everything. 🤷

My grandmother went through the same thing 😢 seeing people staring at her, calling her name, cars passing by... it was just too much for her.

Walter Evans3 said:I wanted to check in with an update—for the last few days, we’ve mostly been pretending everything is fine, or at least I have been since I’ve been by her side 24/7, which is honestly starting to wear me down. She’s been claiming there are listening devices hidden all over her apartment and that he can hear everything—could this be schizophrenia? She eventually gave me a full name for this man, and when I brought it up to my mother, she told me the man actually passed away six years ago. Apparently, he had asked her to marry him about ten years ago, but she turned him down back then because she felt he was just trying to exploit her—his plan was to move into her place, sell his own house, and hand all the cash over to his kids. Now, though, she insists he is a wonderful person.
To make a long story short, she barely mentioned him on Wednesday or Thursday, so I thought she was finally calming down, but then Friday hit like a ton of bricks. Out of nowhere, she starts planning to buy rings, booking a venue, and even calling a cousin—who had absolutely no idea what was happening—to drive them around to get everything done. When I tried to step in and tell her not to waste money like this, she got upset and spent the rest of the day in tears, though I didn't have the heart to tell her that the man isn't even alive. When she woke up Saturday morning and told her aunt, who lives with us, things really boiled over. Her aunt wasn't screaming, but she was speaking with this frantic, nervous energy, trying to explain that this man doesn't exist and that she’s just driving everyone crazy. That caused her to break down, and things were quiet until this morning, when she snapped that she doesn't care if we don't want her to marry him; she’s going to do it regardless. Now, we’re starting to fear that this whole "wedding" obsession might have nothing to do with his death. 😢 😢 😢 😢 By the way, she isn't sleeping at all, she's hardly eating, and she's already lost about nine pounds. And when we suggested that maybe it’s time to go talk to a professional, she just looked at us like we were the ones losing our minds. 😳/

Those symptoms can show up in several conditions besides Schizophrenia, so it might not be that specifically; it doesn't quite fit the classic profile.

It just reinforces what I already told you— psychotic depression, more or less. Either way, it’s an equally serious issue. And like any major illness, the longer this drags on, the worse it gets, and things can spiral for both her and everyone around her!

When someone's mental health is this fragile, you shouldn't leave the heavy lifting of decision-making to them—including deciding whether to see a doctor! That responsibility falls on her family.
I’ll say it again: it is unethical not to ensure she gets help , especially since she is clearly suffering through all of this. This isn't a game. 😢 Family doctors are available—you can go in for a consultation, get referrals, and follow medical advice; and if things escalate, there's the ER. Not to mention, primary care physicians do house calls. You don't, none of you, have a single valid excuse.
The way you've been handling this so far—arguing and waiting for someone to snap—is completely unacceptable ! It’s more reason to bring in a trained professional who actually has the capacity for this. If you came into my clinic and told me this was how you were managing, saying it's easier to vent anonymously online than to take action and wait for a crisis to force your hand—and if you still refused to cooperate in the end—I would give you such a lecture you'd be feeling it in your teeth!😠

I feel terrible for your grandmother, but honestly, I don't feel a shred of sympathy for the rest of you. Most of you are adults—well, at least a few of you are. You’re clearly literate, you know how to navigate the internet, and you're living in the 21st century. You aren't exactly lacking anything in life, except for a basic sense of responsibility.

And just so we're clear, you can yell at her all you want, or keep fighting against whatever delusions she's having, but it’s not going to change a thing. This is a serious medical condition, not some set of whims she can just snap out of. She’s the victim here, not you. If you keep this up, you might actually make things worse or even push her toward suicide (which has already been mentioned)...

...but honestly, why am I even bothering to weigh in when there's nothing I can actually do to help...