Would you date someone with mental health issues?

James Ramirez10 Active Member

69 messages
joined Apr 2009

#41 · Jun 30, 2009

Carl Ruiz4 said:As someone living with BPD, I honestly couldn't deal with a partner who’s just as scattered and emotionally volatile as I am.
Maybe they’d be an interesting distraction if I didn't already have enough experience in that particular circle of hell, 🙄

I think I could handle someone who's a little eccentric. But honestly, it couldn't be a perfectly "normal" person—would a completely stable person even be interested in being with me?😕🤷

Alex Patel96 Active Member

139 messages
joined Apr 2009

#42 · Jun 30, 2009

James Ramirez10 said:I think I could handle someone who's a little eccentric. But honestly, it couldn't be a perfectly "normal" person—would a completely stable person even be interested in being with me?😕🤷

Honestly, I'm not even into those normal types. I've always had a thing for the ones who are a little more unstable.🙂

Andrew Davis4 Newcomer

3 messages
joined Jun 2009

#43 · Jun 30, 2009

I see so many people attacking someone just for being honest, usually coming from folks who probably don't have a clue what it's actually like to live with a partner dealing with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or similar manic conditions.

I guess you really have to be mentally resilient and incredibly patient if you’re going to commit to a relationship with someone facing these types of disorders. If you don't have those qualities—if you can't truly empathize while they're going through their "episodes" (which, honestly, can be hell for both partners)—that relationship could end up breaking you. You might find yourself needing therapy just to cope, or worse, if things reach a breaking point.

Not everyone is cut out for a relationship like this. Things might be wonderful, like milk and honey, for a whole year, but then a psychotic episode hits and lasts for a month or three. Not everyone can weather that and come out okay on the other side. It’s especially tough when you realize these conditions can be hereditary. Watching the person you love suffer through psychosis is heartbreaking, and it weighs on you knowing there's a real chance your future children could inherit the same struggle. For instance, there's about a 50% chance a child will have bipolar disorder if one parent does.

After weighing everything, I've already made my choice. I decided to move forward with the relationship, and we've been married for quite some time now. Looking back at everything we've survived together, I wouldn't change a single thing. I love her more than anything, and I don't regret it for a second.

Alex Patel96 Active Member

139 messages
joined Apr 2009

#44 · Jun 30, 2009

This actually reminded me of a specific illness. Alzheimer's. Honestly, compared to that, I’d take any other psychiatric case in my book!🤣

Just picture this: you look at someone you love, and they don't even realize who you are.🙂😱

Angela Morgan3 Member

14 messages
joined Jul 2009

#45 · Jun 30, 2009

Alex Patel96 said:👍 It’s hilarious. One bigot turns around and accuses someone else of being the discriminator!🤣🤣

Look, I’m not out here discriminating against gay people or anything... I was just trying to point out that even they deal with some level of bias, though honestly, it feels like nothing compared to what people living with schizophrenia go through. It’s like, they can be open about their orientation, but people with schizophrenia? They practically have to hide away in some corner just to get by.
In my opinion, being gay is more of a choice, whereas you don't really get to choose an illness like that.

Alex Patel96 Active Member

139 messages
joined Apr 2009

#46 · Jun 30, 2009

Angela Morgan3 said:Look, I’m not out here discriminating against gay people or anything... I was just trying to point out that even they deal with some level of bias, though honestly, it feels like nothing compared to what people living with schizophrenia go through. It’s like, they can be open about their orientation, but people with schizophrenia? They practically have to hide away in some corner just to get by.
In my opinion, being gay is more of a choice, whereas you don't really get to choose an illness like that.

Neither one is a choice.☕
And frankly, society is just too primitive and narrow-minded to handle either group properly.

redharbor9 Regular

272 messages
joined Aug 2009

#47 · Jun 30, 2009

It’s not even a choice (go read the thread if you don't believe me :P), and it's just certain people advertising it—you can't paint the whole population with the same brush... In America, gay people actually have to hide more than people with schizophrenia...

If you've got schizo, you can just stay on your meds and be fine, and nobody even notices. Or you can claim you're cured. But if you're gay, you're gay. There's no "moving the needle" there...

Anyway, that's a whole different topic..

bluecyclist64 Regular

369 messages
joined Oct 2011

#48 · Jun 30, 2009

Look, Legion, just go for it. If she’s actually interested in you—which, to be fair, you haven't explicitly confirmed—then by all means, pursue it. But don't rush straight into marriage. Live together for a while, see how things actually play out in the real world, and then make your decision based on experience rather than impulse.
As for the whole question of children, considering the state of the world we're living in—and let's face it, things seem to be spiraling downward by the day—it’s going to be a mess regardless of whether they are healthy or not.
And regarding those trolls attacking you for being "expert" at something, just tune them out. Everyone has the right to steer their own life however they see fit. For instance, I personally wouldn't want my wife to have a penis, yet there are some people out there who would be satisfied with much more than that—they'd probably prefer her to suffer from satyrism too!

redharbor9 Regular

272 messages
joined Aug 2009

#49 · Jun 30, 2009

Satire is for men only 😍 you were probably thinking of nymphomania I guess 😁

gentletiger20 Member

38 messages
joined Sep 2008

#50 · Jun 30, 2009

I could probably handle someone dealing with an illness, but selfishness? No way. Like, I might give a chance to someone struggling with schizophrenia, but if they hold views like Legionov's... man, I wouldn't care if he was Brad Pitt himself, or if he had muscles like a bodybuilder, or even if he was loaded with cash. Because let's be real—if you listen to someone like Legion say, "but if shit hits the fan while I love you, I won't leave," I just wouldn't buy it. If you're a selfish person, you're a selfish person. Eventually, when things actually go south, I’m expecting that kind of person to crack under the pressure... For example, if I get sick, sure, he’s there at first because he loves me, right? But then I’m not that same old fun, beautiful version of myself anymore, and eventually, he gets bored, the spark dies, and he leaves me hanging—sick, miserable, just a shadow of the person he originally fell for... Maybe I'm looking too far ahead, but that’s just how my brain works.

To me, the whole point of love is sharing life, not just being someone's cheerleader. (I can entertain myself or hang out with my girlfriends or my besties, but I can't *share* my life with them in that way). Someone who's actually ready to give their all to me and take what I have to offer is someone capable of loving me—even if that exchange comes with some messy baggage, that's secondary. But on the flip side, someone pushing views like Legion's clearly isn't ready to truly share everything with a partner, so in my book, their ability to love is pretty questionable... I'd probably run the other way from someone like that. I wouldn't think they're a bad person, per se, I just wouldn't ever trust them to have my back.

I mean, maybe in a specific, real-life scenario, someone like Legion would actually step up and act like a better person than I would, but hey, we're just talking hypothetically here...

Nicholas Sullivan63 Newcomer

5 messages
joined Jun 2009

#51 · Jun 30, 2009

Seriously, did nobody catch what Andrew Davis4 posted? Go back up there and read it again. Like, multiple times.

crimsonheron80 said:Fair enough, that’s your take. People dealing with mental health issues need extra patience and support anyway, and you clearly aren't able to offer that. ☕I’m just surprised you didn't follow that up with some ridiculous poll asking: "Would you rather date: a) someone with a physical disability, or b) someone with schizophrenia?" 😂

Why do they need more love? Maybe they need it more because they're constantly looking for reassurance due to insecurity and stigma. Honestly, I'd love to hear from someone who was actually in a relationship with someone struggling with mental health—where the partner is perfectly fine—to get some first-hand experience... and see how they'd answer that ridiculous poll.
Theory is one thing, reality is another.

Anyway, back to the topic...
would you date someone with mental illness?

My answer is: it depends. It depends on how self-aware they are about their condition, how committed they are to treatment, and obviously, what my role would even be. At the end of the day, I'm willing to give someone all the support in the world if they are THE person for me and if they're putting in the work on their end. If they aren't, I might help them out, but there wouldn't be a romantic connection. The specific diagnosis isn't even the most important part.

Regarding that girl you mentioned as an example, look at how much her mother's illness affected her, especially during her early childhood (and whether she showed signs back then), and how she views the mental health issues present in her family.

@Andrew Davis4
if you don't mind sharing more details about that.

Angela Morgan3 Member

14 messages
joined Jul 2009

#52 · Jun 30, 2009

redharbor9;21314817 said:It’s not really a choice—if you actually dig into the thread, you'll see what I mean :P—and besides, it's just certain individuals promoting it, so you can't really paint the whole population with the same brush... honestly, being gay in this country often means having to hide much more than someone living with schizophrenia...

I mean, if you're managing schizophrenia with medication, you're basically fine and most people won't even notice, or you could even present as fully recovered. But if you're gay, well, you're gay, and there isn't really any way around that...

hm, even if you've managed to recover from schizophrenia, that diagnosis stays with you for life—it's like a shadow that follows you regardless of how well you're doing
And when it comes to employment, things get pretty dicey. These days, companies are always looking into potential hires, and sometimes they find out things through... let's just say, less-than-legal channels.

wearyhawk83 Active Member

170 messages
joined Feb 2015

#53 · Jun 30, 2009

I’d honestly rather connect with actual human beings, but lately, it feels like people are disappearing. Instead, we're just getting surrounded by artificial stuff and all these fake, pink facades. It feels like we're totally losing our way.

Andrew Davis4 Newcomer

3 messages
joined Jun 2009

#54 · Jun 30, 2009

I’ll probably write more tomorrow, but right now I’m just finishing up work and heading home to grab a drink and hang out with my "crazy" love 🙂

bluemaker52 Member

43 messages
joined Jan 2009

#55 · Jun 30, 2009

@ Legion

You know, there’s a common saying that psychiatrists eventually become "cases" themselves... not everyone, obviously, but it happens more than people care to admit. Still, I can't help but wonder about how many of those stories run in your family

@ Andrew Davis4

Honestly, hats off to you

James Vaughn5 Newcomer

1 message
joined Jun 2009

#56 · Jun 30, 2009

After everything that was said, I had already made my choice. I decided to commit, and we’ve been married for quite some time now. Looking back at everything we went through, I wouldn't change a single thing. I love her more than anything, and I have zero regrets.

I haven't read anything this moving in a long, long time.

I truly believe love conquers all. When you really love someone, you accept them exactly as they are—flaws, struggles, and their entire history included.

Rebecca Scott3 Active Member

154 messages
joined Jan 2009

#57 · Jun 30, 2009

Quincy:

says:
Alright, I’ll admit this topic feels a bit discriminatory, but it’s also incredibly real, and I honestly think it’s a pretty "interesting" question to pick apart.

Let me give you a specific example... I have a neighbor, she's a really cute and genuinely sweet girl 🙂, but there are actually two cases of schizophrenia in her immediate family—her mother and an uncle. Since we know this kind of illness can be hereditary (at least in most documented cases), would I date someone like her? To be honest, I wouldn't... partly because of her, and partly because of the chance our kids might end up dealing with it too (if things even get to that point 😁).
With all due respect to people living with these conditions, I just wouldn't knowingly enter a relationship with someone who is currently ill or has a massive, looming risk of becoming ill.
Now, I realize it's a totally different story if you're already in a committed relationship, everything is going great 😍, and then you suddenly find out some heavy details...

.... watch out for those with schizophrenia.... because once you're busy battling Hepatitis C or kidney cancer..... you really don't need to be managing someone with schizophrenia too...... you'll be stuck constantly checking to make sure they're taking their meds ...... and even when you pass away, who's going to look after them?....

Roger Rodriguez Active Member

220 messages
joined Jul 2009

#58 · Jul 1, 2009

Honestly, if I had the choice, I’d much rather be with someone managing schizophrenia than someone battling an incurable, terminal illness that can't be controlled with medication. It makes me wonder: why are people so adamant about avoiding relationships with those struggling with mental health issues? Is it the fear of the responsibility, like making sure they stay on their meds, or is there a deeper fear of being harmed? After all, you don't need a diagnosis to hurt someone, do you?

Rebecca Scott3 Active Member

154 messages
joined Jan 2009

#59 · Jul 1, 2009

Roger Rodriguez said:Honestly, if I had the choice, I’d much rather be with someone managing schizophrenia than someone battling an incurable, terminal illness that can't be controlled with medication. It makes me wonder: why are people so adamant about avoiding relationships with those struggling with mental health issues? Is it the fear of the responsibility, like making sure they stay on their meds, or is there a deeper fear of being harmed? After all, you don't need a diagnosis to hurt someone, do you?

At the end of the day, an illness is an illness... whether it's in your head or your body... and we all have something we're carrying... or something we will eventually deal with...
...The only way I'd walk away is if the person refused to get help... and let's face it, I can live with a lot, but I can't live with someone who won't take care of themselves... just like how I wouldn't want to ignore a broken tooth...

silentpilot6 RegularOP

295 messages
joined Sep 2004

#60 · Jul 1, 2009

silentpilot6: "Quote:"

Angela Morgan3 said:You say "with all due respect to people who are ill," which sounds so hypocritical to me. Your message clearly shows you're discriminating against people with schizophrenia, yet you mention having "due respect." Sadly, that's just how society works—we claim to have "due respect" formally, but in practice, we'd rather just lock those people away behind four walls so nobody even has to think about them.
Nobody actually feels empathy for the ill,
for instance, being gay is a personal identity, whereas people don't choose to be sick—but somehow, the gay population (who openly advocate for their sexual orientation) faces less discrimination than people with schizophrenia, who are basically at the bottom of the barrel in groups that society marginalizes, like gay people, HIV+ individuals, and so on. Plus, they have to hide and feel ashamed of being ill,

That’s not right. Being gay isn't a choice you make... I'm just not sure where you're getting that from. 🤷 As for everything else... I don't think I could ever be with someone who was hairy. 😁 Is that discrimination? I could never be with someone if we have nothing to talk about. Would that be considered discriminatory? I also wouldn't date anyone who doesn't know how to cook. 😁Is that discrimination? Some might see it that way, but I would simply call them my own personal criteria.
Another friend of mine struggled with depression for over two years. There were moments when things were incredibly heavy, and I honestly wasn't sure how to approach him or what to say. But I refused to turn my back on him or treat him differently because of his struggle. Thankfully, he is doing much better today.
On the other hand, a friend I mentioned earlier went through a really rough patch. He refused to stick with his therapy, and honestly, he became a completely different person. I tried to stay in touch and listen to what he was going through, but once I realized we were just spinning our wheels, it became exhausting. He’d come over for coffee, and instead of a normal conversation, he’d spend nearly two hours spiraling about how the mob is tracking him or how he thinks his neighbor is bugging his house. It’s frustrating. If you refuse to seek professional help and let your personality shift this drastically, it becomes impossible to have a rational conversation. I'm at a loss for what to do.🤷 I think I need to cut contact. At the end of the day, my own mental health and peace of mind have to come first—especially since he clearly isn't seeking any professional help or therapy. It's just the right thing to do. 👎

Would you date someone with mental health issues?

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