What were your biggest pregnancy surprises and pet peeves?

Back when I was pregnant, I couldn't sit still for more than five minutes—not that I can even do that much now that I'm not expecting.
"Just sit down and take a break."
"Come on, you need to rest, you're working for the baby! It’s not healthy for you to be on your feet all day!"
"Don't leave the little guy alone by himself for too long."
And then there's the constant questioning: "Do you always have him with you?" (As if I'd ever just leave him home alone while I run errands! 😲)

Then you get those people asking the kid, "Are you excited about having a sister?" or "Would you rather have a brother instead?"
Not to mention the absolute gems where they tell the toddler, "Well, Mom and Dad are going to love your sister way more than you, so we're sending you to live with Grandma and Grandpa!" :bacitćubombu:

Olivia Nguyen3 said:It really bothered me when certain people at work would make comments like, "So what? I worked right up until my last day even with high blood pressure and didn't have any issues... surely you could manage too. You can handle a few more months of this." But honestly, I was already on six different blood pressure pills and only had room for two more before hitting my limit, and I was barely halfway through my recovery. Since I've been out on medical leave, my pressure has finally stabilized back down to a normal 125/85. When I was actually working, I was sitting at 155/110 and could barely function—and that was while I was already taking four pills plus three Normals.

Man, those people are the absolute worst. Always with the "I did it, why can't you?" attitude. Get lost. 😠

cosmiccyclist172 said:Back when I was pregnant, I couldn't sit still for more than five minutes—not that I can even do that much now that I'm not expecting.
"Just sit down and take a break."
"Come on, you need to rest, you're working for the baby! It’s not healthy for you to be on your feet all day!"
"Don't leave the little guy alone by himself for too long."
And then there's the constant questioning: "Do you always have him with you?" (As if I'd ever just leave him home alone while I run errands! 😲)

Then you get those people asking the kid, "Are you excited about having a sister?" or "Would you rather have a brother instead?"
Not to mention the absolute gems where they tell the toddler, "Well, Mom and Dad are going to love your sister way more than you, so we're sending you to live with Grandma and Grandpa!" :bacitćubombu:

😲 Good grief. If I actually said that, they'd probably give me such a rude response that we wouldn't speak for years because of how much they'd pout. 😁

I suppose I thought nothing could actually get under my skin. Apparently, I was wrong. Someone parked way too close to my car, so I ended up washing the entire thing while wearing a white t-shirt, just as I was walking up to the door and climbing inside. 🤣 🤣

- I’ve had people on the subway staring right at my stomach, and honestly, it’s such an uncomfortable feeling, even though I usually don't take the long commutes where I have to sit down for ages. It's just weird how some people feel entitled to stare so intensely at your belly.

- Then there’s the constant questioning about whether the baby was planned. It comes from everyone—close family and even people I’ve literally met only twice in my entire life. It feels so intrusive.

- And of course, there’s my mom, my mother-in-law, and just older women in general who seem to think my pregnancy should be a carbon copy of theirs. Like, my mom couldn't wrap her head around why I was so nauseous during the first two months since she didn't deal with that, and she thought it was totally crazy that I couldn't even look at a green salad when she used to crave nothing but that. It’s just wild how differently everyone experiences this.

silentnomad8 said:On a related note, what really gets to me is how some people assume that once the baby arrives, either my mom or my mother-in-law should basically move in to help. It's like they think I don't have a husband. As if he won't handle the housework or the baby just because he's a man.

Ugh, I honestly don't even know how to respond to that, but for me, my mom actually stayed with me for a full month and a half after my first baby was born. My husband had to keep working, so he'd take off his Fridays and Saturdays (even though he usually works every Saturday), which meant my mom was there Monday through Thursday, and then he would step up from Friday through Sunday. And honestly? I don't think I could've done it alone, like, at all. For those first ten or fifteen days, I was pretty much just lying there, nursing, eating whenever, and heading to the bathroom. So, this time around, I'm really hoping either my mom or my mother-in-law—maybe even both of them taking turns—will be there to help me out.🙂

William Perez4 said:Ugh, I honestly don't even know how to respond to that, but for me, my mom actually stayed with me for a full month and a half after my first baby was born. My husband had to keep working, so he'd take off his Fridays and Saturdays (even though he usually works every Saturday), which meant my mom was there Monday through Thursday, and then he would step up from Friday through Sunday. And honestly? I don't think I could've done it alone, like, at all. For those first ten or fifteen days, I was pretty much just lying there, nursing, eating whenever, and heading to the bathroom. So, this time around, I'm really hoping either my mom or my mother-in-law—maybe even both of them taking turns—will be there to help me out.🙂

That’s different. I wouldn't want to be alone either. But my husband is going to take three weeks of vacation and be 100% focused on us. If I realize toward the end of that time that I can't handle it, then I'll call my mom.
It seems more logical to me to have my mom or mother-in-law take three weeks of vacation to be with us instead of my husband. It's not like they're retired and just sitting at home; everyone knows they both work. I really don't see it working that way. I'd rather struggle through the beginning with him than with my mom. He's the parent to this baby, not my mother.

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I really hope I don't end up in a situation where I can't manage the kids on my own. Or rather, just me and my husband.

He actually took two weeks of sick leave just so he could stay by my side—I honestly couldn't have managed this on my own.

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I’ve already had both my mother and my mother-in-law dropping hints about stepping in to help, though I am sincerely hoping my husband can swing some vacation time so he can be right there by our side while I still maintain my own independence...
I honestly find myself in a bit of an uncertain headspace regarding how this will actually play out, because it feels like one of those situations where everything might go perfectly smoothly and I won't need a single hand, yet I could just as easily hit a wall with a hundred different issues and suddenly find myself needing everyone's support at once... I suppose I won't truly know until we are actually in the thick of it, but at least I know I have plenty of options on the table if things get complicated.

I honestly wish my husband would just focus on us, creating a tight-knit family of three right from the jump, rather than having his mother or my mom constantly hovering over us...
I’m really not looking for anyone else's unsolicited advice until we figure out what works best for our own lives.

Actually, thinking about it now, I can't even say for sure if I'll still feel this way once the baby actually arrives 😁

silentnomad8 said:That’s different. I wouldn't want to be alone either. But my husband is going to take three weeks of vacation and be 100% focused on us. If I realize toward the end of that time that I can't handle it, then I'll call my mom.
It seems more logical to me to have my mom or mother-in-law take three weeks of vacation to be with us instead of my husband. It's not like they're retired and just sitting at home; everyone knows they both work. I really don't see it working that way. I'd rather struggle through the beginning with him than with my mom. He's the parent to this baby, not my mother.

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Mine is already retired, so... 😁
And his mom is retired now too 😁 😁
For me, I basically just needed someone there to handle the laundry, the cleaning, and the cooking. 🙂 I really just couldn't manage it all on my own. And I honestly felt so good having that kind of support.
My husband should probably take some time off work soon to be with us, but I definitely won't hesitate to ask one of them to come over and help out, and I know they’d actually love to do it. It doesn't bother me one bit, and I’m not ashamed of it—I tell everyone I had help. On the other hand, I have this friend who absolutely refused to let anyone near her because she wanted to prove she could handle everything solo, and man, she really went through it. Then she goes around telling everyone how she pulled it all off by herself 🙂 I mean, who knows, I guess we're just built differently. 🙂

William Perez4 said:Mine is already retired, so... 😁
And his mom is retired now too 😁 😁
For me, I basically just needed someone there to handle the laundry, the cleaning, and the cooking. 🙂 I really just couldn't manage it all on my own. And I honestly felt so good having that kind of support.
My husband should probably take some time off work soon to be with us, but I definitely won't hesitate to ask one of them to come over and help out, and I know they’d actually love to do it. It doesn't bother me one bit, and I’m not ashamed of it—I tell everyone I had help. On the other hand, I have this friend who absolutely refused to let anyone near her because she wanted to prove she could handle everything solo, and man, she really went through it. Then she goes around telling everyone how she pulled it all off by herself 🙂 I mean, who knows, I guess we're just built differently. 🙂

Of course, I don't plan on doing the cleaning and laundry for the first week or two either. My husband will handle that. 😁 Plus, we already have an arrangement with my mother-in-law and my own family to take turns bringing food, so we aren't turning down their help. 🙂
My issue is knowing that if my mom comes over, she won't just cook and clean. She'll push her advice about the baby and breastfeeding. I don't want that. From our conversations, I can already see she has outdated views, and she's stubborn. She would just annoy me.
Even if she wasn't like that, like Lenny said, I want my husband and me to bond with the baby and figure things out ourselves. I don't want to be one of those couples where the mom does everything and the dad can't even stay alone with the baby for half an hour because he doesn't know what to do. Most people, especially older generations, expect that, which leads to questions about whether my mom or mother-in-law is coming. When I say "no, there's no need," people act like I'm a single parent. That's what gets on my nerves, if I explained it well enough. 🤣

You explained that perfectly👍—I totally see where you're coming from. Honestly, I think grandparents and in-laws shouldn't have much else to do with the baby besides dropping by for a quick coffee, getting some snuggles in, and then heading home—at least during this immediate postpartum phase. If they really feel like being helpful, sure, they can bring over some takeout or a meal... but I really believe parents should be able to handle things on their own, because at the end of the day, it’s their baby.
Of course, it's a different story if your husband can't get away from work, if there's an unexpected bill to pay, or if you're just tight on cash... obviously, you adapt to those situations.

My experience with my first baby was actually quite seamless since I gave birth prematurely at six months. My husband works in public education, so he had an incredibly long summer break, which meant we didn't need any outside help and honestly didn't want anyone hovering over us. This time around, things will be a different story entirely; I'm due at full term, and I can't help but wonder if I'll realistically be able to manage both of them on my own... I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.

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I suppose I need some assistance regarding my older kids. Not help in the traditional sense, per se, but rather someone to take them out for walks, to the park, or maybe the beach. I just feel bad having them stuck indoors with me 24/7

cosmicpanther71 said:I suppose I need some assistance regarding my older kids. Not help in the traditional sense, per se, but rather someone to take them out for walks, to the park, or maybe the beach. I just feel bad having them stuck indoors with me 24/7

I feel the exact same way. My oldest is pretty independent, but my little one isn't, and honestly, I'm so grateful for everything my dad does for us... he'll take her out and get her away from the house, which was a total lifesaver when I was stuck in the hospital. My dad works early shifts, so my dad and my father-in-law are huge helps. One of them drops her off at preschool, and if I'm running late for lunch, they always make sure she gets fed. Even when I first had the baby, he was right there because my dad was only home for a few days.

Just like any other time—this forum serves as my go-to sanctuary for the things I simply can't share with anyone else in my life. So, let’s dive in:

1. I was actually quite surprised by how much less I feel like socializing lately. I had this mental image that once I became pregnant, I’d be bursting with the urge to hit the town because "it's my last chance," but honestly? I just don't have the energy—though, truth be told, I haven't really felt like it for years, but I fully expected pregnancy to change that. Instead, I find myself preferring a quiet coffee with dear friends over anything else.

2. It also caught me off guard how profoundly misunderstood I feel right now. I don't have many close friends who are already moms, and those who aren't currently dealing with kids seem to be celebrating *for* me, yet they don't truly grasp what I'm going through. It’s as if I’m preparing to buy a new sofa rather than prepare for a child—there’s no room for my anxieties in their eyes. To them, my fears seem completely irrational, almost as if they have nothing to do with reality, simply because I’m "that person" in our social circle who always seems to have everything perfectly under control.

3. I was also genuinely taken aback by how people I know with children tend to offer such depressing advice—it’s like they’re trying to spit in your soup just when you’re looking forward to eating it. I am, quite sincerely, overjoyed about this little one coming into my life, yet I constantly have to endure comments like, "Enjoy it while it lasts," or "Oh, you think you'll manage? Good luck with that, haha," or even "There's no such thing as fun kids, forget about it." Honestly, it doesn't bother me too much because most people are incredibly uninteresting to me anyway—so it isn't shocking that they find the prospect of a new life dull. I absolutely loved biology class, and I am genuinely excited to pass down something that has always fascinated me. However, what truly caught me by surprise was...

4....that out of all the "super helpful" advice I’ve received, not a single bit of it has been practical or material. Like, "Hey, do you need this? I can get it for you cheap."
I don't see that happening at all. But instead? I get a mountain of unsolicited advice on how to survive a marriage without sex, based on the assumption that it’s just going to be that way and there's no other way (why on earth would anyone assume that of me?).

5. I was also surprised by how little patience I have left for all the things I used to tolerate—quite forcefully, I might add.

6. And I was surprised by how much emotional energy everything new is taking from me: the intense back pain, the total impossibility of dressing in anything I actually *want* to wear, the nausea, the constant doubting of everything, and the realization that I’m absorbing it all without bothering anyone with my fears... plus, the loss of most people I thought would always be there. They aren't. Not now, when I actually need them.

7. Finally, it surprised me how quickly I—someone who has always been a "forever non-mother" type with very few maternal instincts—am starting to love this little being I'm carrying so deeply. For the first time in my life, I am experiencing this pure, selfless joy for someone else's arrival.
I love you so much, little muscle. I can't wait to meet you. :-)

That final point actually brought me to tears. It felt as if I had written it myself 🙂 absolutely beautifully!

You aren't actually that soft deep down 😬
I’m more than just "not romantic"—I am a complete non-romantic. I don’t sit around whispering sweet nothings to a baby in my womb or doing those cheesy things like saying "under my heart."

To be honest, I have zero maternal instincts right now.
But I just know that once the kid is actually here, I’ll be a great mother. It’s just an instinctual certainty for me. 🙂

What really gets under my skin is people. Specifically, women who have already had kids and feel the need to bombard me with unsolicited advice about breastfeeding or parenting styles. And don't even get me started on my relatives. 🤣

What really gets under my skin are those comments whenever I try to get things done or even just plan to be active: "You shouldn't do that," "You need to rest," "Be careful," blah blah blah. Like I’m some kind of invalid. Honestly, most of this comes from my mother-in-law.
As for my own mom and the rest of the family, they finally backed off after I shut them down a few times. They were pregnant too once and lived totally normal lives, so they get it—mostly. Why is pregnancy treated like a disease these days? Don't get me wrong, I know there are high-risk pregnancies and all that, but personally, I feel great. No morning sickness, no fatigue, just regular life. I do housework, I ride my bike, I head out to the farm with the family when they have gatherings😁 and enjoy it. Everything is just like it was before I got pregnant. Of course, I’m more cautious now because I don't want to risk anything for myself or the baby, obviously. But every woman's experience is different, and I think we know our own limits better than anyone else 👍

Then there's the commentary: "Have you really not gained any weight?" or "Well, what happens now?" I eat healthy, I stay active, I'm doing everything I did before. It's not like I'm just lying on the couch all day letting it all pile on—not that I mean to offend anyone 😁.

And since my husband is a merchant marine, I'll be on my own with the newborn while he's away, and my mother-in-law is always hovering. We even eat separately, yet she still starts in with, "Oh, what did you cook today? You aren't eating right," blah blah blah 😵🤦

Also, the idea that my mom or mother-in-law will just descend upon us to "help" once the baby arrives makes my skin crawl. Like one girl mentioned here, that’s exactly the period where I actually want to bond with my husband without everyone else's unsolicited advice ringing in my ears. Fine, we'll see how it goes once the baby is born, but honestly, I hope I can handle it on my own. I like doing things myself and I'm not exactly the type to jump at help. Like I said, we'll see 😉

And if I dare suggest that my kid might end up using hand-me-downs or second-hand stuff, that's when the real drama starts 😁😁. People act like it's a crime. "Tradition should be respected," "Use the old stroller," "Use the old crib," blah blah blah—or then they say nobody should buy anything until they're told exactly what's needed, which is also "wrong." Good grief 🙂