What were your biggest pregnancy surprises and pet peeves?

Jesse Perez4 said:That final point actually brought me to tears. It felt as if I had written it myself 🙂 absolutely beautifully!

🙂

Nicholas Kelly said:You aren't actually that soft deep down 😬
I’m more than just "not romantic"—I am a complete non-romantic. I don’t sit around whispering sweet nothings to a baby in my womb or doing those cheesy things like saying "under my heart."

To be honest, I have zero maternal instincts right now.
But I just know that once the kid is actually here, I’ll be a great mother. It’s just an instinctual certainty for me. 🙂

What really gets under my skin is people. Specifically, women who have already had kids and feel the need to bombard me with unsolicited advice about breastfeeding or parenting styles. And don't even get me started on my relatives. 🤣

I don't mean to imply anything—not that my opinion carries much weight around here anyway—but honestly, looking at this forum... 😁 I truly believe that women who don't experience that intense, overwhelming surge of maternal instinct—those who don't feel an immediate, profound connection to their baby while it's still in the womb, or those who don't find themselves instinctively talking to or writing to their unborn child—are absolutely nothing less than everyone else. I mean, let's be clear: I am not suggesting they are any worse than anyone else, nor do I think they will turn out to be any less capable or loving mothers. It’s simply a different way of experiencing the journey.
Look, let's be honest here—there are so many ways women end up facing unplanned pregnancies, and frankly, it’s a heavy reality that leads to many people becoming parents when they truly didn't intend to. While some go on to become wonderful mothers, we have to acknowledge the circumstances that get them there. To me, the idea of forcing anyone to feel a specific way about such a life-altering situation—telling them they *must* feel joy or fulfillment—is more than just rude; it borders on being outright aggressive. It’s an imposition on personal autonomy that I find deeply unsettling.

I am absolutely certain that you are going to be a wonderful mother—especially since you have such a deep desire to be one, and even more so because you actually possess the intuition and knowledge to make it happen. 🙂

silentsurfer76, regarding used gear like cribs and whatnot, you're doing the right thing by taking everything offered; you can always put that extra cash toward other necessities.
My younger child has five times more stuff than my oldest simply because everything was passed down, plus we received extra hand-me-downs, so he has more than enough, yet some people still insist on buying things he already owns just because they think it's "cute." That "cuteness" easily costs $100, and I tell them straight up that if they have surplus money, they should save it (since they won't exactly hand me the cash directly to save it myself :-) , and I don't want to save for the child for entirely different reasons), so when the kid hits maybe seven years old, they can shell out the cash for a decent bicycle. It truly makes zero sense to buy overpriced items that will only be used for a few months...
So, just hang in there—it works for me, even if it's a constant battle. :-)

Just another non-mother here 😬 — I’m not getting swept up in some huge emotional wave, I’m not overthinking it, and honestly, I can barely even think of a name.
But what a woman at 200 🙂 — I don't think it means the same thing.
I’ve never been much of a kid person, but I’m pretty sure I’ll love my own. 🙂

Anyway — nothing gets under my skin anymore, seriously. I have this feeling that I was way more high-strung and had a much shorter fuse before I got pregnant.
I am completely Zen. If I get sad or teary over something, it’s just random stuff I wouldn't even care about otherwise—but the irritation or the nerves? Gone.
If only it stays this way 😁

silentsurfer76 said:What really gets under my skin are those comments whenever I try to get things done or even just plan to be active: "You shouldn't do that," "You need to rest," "Be careful," blah blah blah. Like I’m some kind of invalid. Honestly, most of this comes from my mother-in-law.
As for my own mom and the rest of the family, they finally backed off after I shut them down a few times. They were pregnant too once and lived totally normal lives, so they get it—mostly. Why is pregnancy treated like a disease these days? Don't get me wrong, I know there are high-risk pregnancies and all that, but personally, I feel great. No morning sickness, no fatigue, just regular life. I do housework, I ride my bike, I head out to the farm with the family when they have gatherings😁 and enjoy it. Everything is just like it was before I got pregnant. Of course, I’m more cautious now because I don't want to risk anything for myself or the baby, obviously. But every woman's experience is different, and I think we know our own limits better than anyone else 👍

Then there's the commentary: "Have you really not gained any weight?" or "Well, what happens now?" I eat healthy, I stay active, I'm doing everything I did before. It's not like I'm just lying on the couch all day letting it all pile on—not that I mean to offend anyone 😁.

And since my husband is a merchant marine, I'll be on my own with the newborn while he's away, and my mother-in-law is always hovering. We even eat separately, yet she still starts in with, "Oh, what did you cook today? You aren't eating right," blah blah blah 😵🤦

Also, the idea that my mom or mother-in-law will just descend upon us to "help" once the baby arrives makes my skin crawl. Like one girl mentioned here, that’s exactly the period where I actually want to bond with my husband without everyone else's unsolicited advice ringing in my ears. Fine, we'll see how it goes once the baby is born, but honestly, I hope I can handle it on my own. I like doing things myself and I'm not exactly the type to jump at help. Like I said, we'll see 😉

And if I dare suggest that my kid might end up using hand-me-downs or second-hand stuff, that's when the real drama starts 😁😁. People act like it's a crime. "Tradition should be respected," "Use the old stroller," "Use the old crib," blah blah blah—or then they say nobody should buy anything until they're told exactly what's needed, which is also "wrong." Good grief 🙂

My mother-in-law acts like I'm incapacitated; maybe it's just their thing. 😁 But it doesn't bother me much because she isn't always here. If we lived together, I'd lose it. Right now, it's almost sweet how much she cares. Even if she treats me like I can't even walk, telling me "watch out" or "don't fall"...

On the flip side, I've only received positive feedback about not gaining weight. No one has accused me of not eating; instead, everyone says, "Oh, it's great you didn't gain weight, you look good. You'll have less to lose after the birth. After my second, the weight never left..."

As for gear, just take whatever is offered. Tell the family to feel free to give you the money they planned for a crib, so you can buy what the baby actually needs when the time comes.😉

What really gets under my skin are those comments... people saying stuff like, "Oh, the baby will come back to life at X months"...🙄
I mean, if I heard a heartbeat at five weeks, then the baby is already here. What kind of nonsense is that? Saying someone might "come back to life" at four or five months... as if they weren't alive to begin with. I can't stand hearing that.🙂

Austin Murphy5 said:Just like any other time—this forum serves as my go-to sanctuary for the things I simply can't share with anyone else in my life. So, let’s dive in:

1. I was actually quite surprised by how much less I feel like socializing lately. I had this mental image that once I became pregnant, I’d be bursting with the urge to hit the town because "it's my last chance," but honestly? I just don't have the energy—though, truth be told, I haven't really felt like it for years, but I fully expected pregnancy to change that. Instead, I find myself preferring a quiet coffee with dear friends over anything else.

2. It also caught me off guard how profoundly misunderstood I feel right now. I don't have many close friends who are already moms, and those who aren't currently dealing with kids seem to be celebrating *for* me, yet they don't truly grasp what I'm going through. It’s as if I’m preparing to buy a new sofa rather than prepare for a child—there’s no room for my anxieties in their eyes. To them, my fears seem completely irrational, almost as if they have nothing to do with reality, simply because I’m "that person" in our social circle who always seems to have everything perfectly under control.

3. I was also genuinely taken aback by how people I know with children tend to offer such depressing advice—it’s like they’re trying to spit in your soup just when you’re looking forward to eating it. I am, quite sincerely, overjoyed about this little one coming into my life, yet I constantly have to endure comments like, "Enjoy it while it lasts," or "Oh, you think you'll manage? Good luck with that, haha," or even "There's no such thing as fun kids, forget about it." Honestly, it doesn't bother me too much because most people are incredibly uninteresting to me anyway—so it isn't shocking that they find the prospect of a new life dull. I absolutely loved biology class, and I am genuinely excited to pass down something that has always fascinated me. However, what truly caught me by surprise was...

4....that out of all the "super helpful" advice I’ve received, not a single bit of it has been practical or material. Like, "Hey, do you need this? I can get it for you cheap."
I don't see that happening at all. But instead? I get a mountain of unsolicited advice on how to survive a marriage without sex, based on the assumption that it’s just going to be that way and there's no other way (why on earth would anyone assume that of me?).

5. I was also surprised by how little patience I have left for all the things I used to tolerate—quite forcefully, I might add.

6. And I was surprised by how much emotional energy everything new is taking from me: the intense back pain, the total impossibility of dressing in anything I actually *want* to wear, the nausea, the constant doubting of everything, and the realization that I’m absorbing it all without bothering anyone with my fears... plus, the loss of most people I thought would always be there. They aren't. Not now, when I actually need them.

7. Finally, it surprised me how quickly I—someone who has always been a "forever non-mother" type with very few maternal instincts—am starting to love this little being I'm carrying so deeply. For the first time in my life, I am experiencing this pure, selfless joy for someone else's arrival.
I love you so much, little muscle. I can't wait to meet you. :-)

I hear this almost every single day.🕺

Olivia Nguyen3 said:What really gets under my skin are those comments... people saying stuff like, "Oh, the baby will come back to life at X months"...🙄
I mean, if I heard a heartbeat at five weeks, then the baby is already here. What kind of nonsense is that? Saying someone might "come back to life" at four or five months... as if they weren't alive to begin with. I can't stand hearing that.🙂

I’ve actually had three different people ask me about this now, but honestly, it’s reached the point where it’s just funny to me. It's mostly older folks who are just used to using that specific phrasing—it's not like they're asking if the baby started moving or anything—so it doesn't even bother me anymore.

What *does* get to me is everyone jumping to conclusions about how I'm going to start opening up just because I go for walks or carry the little one around (which, by the way, was just for a few photos from a trip I sent over WhatsApp—I was just holding him so we could get the shot, you know?) 🙄

This pregnancy has been such a struggle compared to my first one, which felt absolutely perfect. Everything feels heavy right now—I feel sluggish, unmotivated, and like I just want to sleep all day... I am so ready for this to be over and for the baby to be here.

People asking things like, "Oh, I can't even tell you're pregnant," lol
We’re four months in now, so theoretically, the bump should be showing and the scale should be moving.
Part of me wants that visual confirmation, but the other part? Not so much. If I had to start buying specialized maternity leggings and stuff just to hide it, I'd rather just keep squeezing into my regular clothes. 😁
Juicer, I spent the entire day trekking through NYC. People were all like, "That's probably not the smartest move. You want to be able to do things, right? It's going to be exhausting. How are you even driving?" 🙄
The only real downside to being out and about all day was the constant need to find a restroom, which is way easier when you're just hanging out at home, haha.

As for baby gear, I’m buying the stroller myself. I don't want anyone else picking things out based on their own whims—I want exactly what I want.

silentnomad8 Honestly, I think I could live with not seeing my mother-in-law all that often either. 😁

And regarding that old saying about "when the baby breathes again"... thank God nobody ever said that to me. 😁

silentsurfer76, I'm still wearing my regular underwear and I've got four weeks left until my due date. I just avoid the low-rise pairs and stick to ones with a stronger waistband so I don't actually need maternity underwear. 😉

My bump didn't show for a long time either. People were constantly questioning me, wondering why there was no sign of a pregnancy at four or five months. Honestly, at five months, you couldn't even tell through my clothes if I was pregnant or just gained some weight. 😀 It wasn't until the third trimester that things finally popped out enough for people to realize.

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silentnomad8 said:silentsurfer76, I'm still wearing my regular underwear and I've got four weeks left until my due date. I just avoid the low-rise pairs and stick to ones with a stronger waistband so I don't actually need maternity underwear. 😉

My bump didn't show for a long time either. People were constantly questioning me, wondering why there was no sign of a pregnancy at four or five months. Honestly, at five months, you couldn't even tell through my clothes if I was pregnant or just gained some weight. 😀 It wasn't until the third trimester that things finally popped out enough for people to realize.

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I thought you meant maternity pants or general maternity clothes.😁 I wear one pair of jeans with the button undone, and I can still squeeze into another pair for now, but I think they’ll be unbuttoned pretty soon too.🙂

Olivia Nguyen3 said:What really gets under my skin are those comments... people saying stuff like, "Oh, the baby will come back to life at X months"...🙄
I mean, if I heard a heartbeat at five weeks, then the baby is already here. What kind of nonsense is that? Saying someone might "come back to life" at four or five months... as if they weren't alive to begin with. I can't stand hearing that.🙂

Ugh, tell me about it, that drives me absolutely crazy too. It didn't bother me quite as much during my first pregnancy, but now with this second one, it's just so much harder to deal with.

My bump has been pretty noticeable since day one, but now at six months, it’s definitely getting hard to ignore. Honestly, I’ve just been sticking to whatever I can actually button up—even my jeans—because I’m still in that mindset where I refuse to buy any specific maternity clothes.

Once the baby starts kicking 🤦

What really gets under my skin is how a handful of people constantly spout those old wives' tales, insisting, "Oh, you're carrying a boy, they just misled you about your bump shape" or "The way you're feeling means it's definitely a boy..."

My wife keeps saying it’s a girl every single time we talk. Look, I realize there can be surprises, but she's been showing from the very start and nothing suggests otherwise. My only wish is for a healthy baby, but I've had a gut feeling it was a girl since day one. Now that I'm nearly 35, I'm really hoping that intuition holds true, especially since we've all been addressing her as "she" for so long, and her mom is particularly excited... I am eagerly anticipating tomorrow's ultrasound just so they can confirm once again that it's a little girl. 🙄

Carol Palmer90 said:What really gets under my skin is how a handful of people constantly spout those old wives' tales, insisting, "Oh, you're carrying a boy, they just misled you about your bump shape" or "The way you're feeling means it's definitely a boy..."

My wife keeps saying it’s a girl every single time we talk. Look, I realize there can be surprises, but she's been showing from the very start and nothing suggests otherwise. My only wish is for a healthy baby, but I've had a gut feeling it was a girl since day one. Now that I'm nearly 35, I'm really hoping that intuition holds true, especially since we've all been addressing her as "she" for so long, and her mom is particularly excited... I am eagerly anticipating tomorrow's ultrasound just so they can confirm once again that it's a little girl. 🙄

All those superstitions about gender are ridiculous. I don't get how any young, smart person could actually believe them.
A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law and my aunt were intensely studying my wife's stomach to guess. My sister-in-law is convinced it's a boy, while my aunt isn't so sure. 😁
Supposedly, it should be a boy because of the skin tone, too. I remember hearing this myth that if it's a girl, the mother's skin and hair suffer because the baby is stealing her beauty. It sounded so absurd that it stuck in my head.
It would be pretty interesting if it turns out to be a girl in the end. 😁

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My two girls didn't steal my tennis racket or my hair 🙂 but they certainly did give me enough morning sickness to last through the entire first trimester. Personally, I’m thrilled because they’re girls, but my husband? He can't catch a break. People are constantly chiming in with, "Are you sure you didn't mix them up? Maybe the next one will be a boy." It drives me absolutely insane!

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Yeah, that point about the remote work thing is such a solid argument. Honestly, it’s a total win 🤦

It’s just fantastic because I’m actually at home, I'm not stressed out, I have plenty of time to catch up on sleep, and I'm definitely staying much better hydrated than I would be if I were still stuck at the office...🙂

Carol Palmer90 said:Yeah, that point about the remote work thing is such a solid argument. Honestly, it’s a total win 🤦

It’s just fantastic because I’m actually at home, I'm not stressed out, I have plenty of time to catch up on sleep, and I'm definitely staying much better hydrated than I would be if I were still stuck at the office...🙂

I really agree with this, because I feel like I’ve honestly blossomed since I started my medical leave...😁
I’m eating better, getting enough sleep, and there isn't any real stress involved besides just dealing with the pregnancy, plus I get to spend more time outdoors...🙂

I’ve managed to tune out all the mindless chatter, nothing really gets under my skin anymore, and whenever people around me try to make comments, I just shut them down immediately...😁

During my first pregnancy, I honestly thought I wouldn't need any help at all; my husband was home for a week, and then he had to head back to work.
Turns out, I was dead wrong. I ended up calling my mom to come over, which sparked a massive revolt from my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law, but honestly? In that moment, I just needed someone who wasn't going to lecture me—someone to actually help out instead of nitpicking every single mistake I made.

When I had my second baby, my mom took some sick leave and a bit of vacation time just so she could be there to help whenever it was needed.

It was mostly about helping with my son; if my husband hadn't been commuting to his office, they would have watched him, because once the baby established a routine on that very first day, it was nearly impossible to give him enough attention too.

As of today, I’ve realized that the question "is your husband helping?" absolutely drives me insane.
I don't get it—do people seriously think I married him just for decoration?

And then there's the question, "are you taking the baby out for walks?"
Do people think I gave birth to a houseplant that I’m supposed to just keep in a room 24/7?

My skin is absolutely flawless—smooth as a baby's bottom, really. I’m not overweight, and my hair has honestly never looked better 😬
I've got a girlfriend on my arm.

I have this friend who dealt with horrific acne, looking like a literal volcanic landscape, yet she still managed to pull a guy.

Honestly, both sets of parents are already getting on my nerves, and if it's this intense now, I can only imagine the chaos once I actually have kids.

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I was really hoping for a girl, but we ended up having a boy. We knew the gender pretty early on because I had the Nifty scan, which is 100% accurate about whether it's a boy or a girl.
Did anyone else deal with people saying, "But what if it's actually a girl?" even after I explained the Nifty results and how certain we were it was a boy?

I honestly don't get why some people feel the need to spout such mindless nonsense and make these incredibly stupid comments.
It’s a terrible comparison, but I heard this same kind of idiocy when my mom passed away—people just don't know what to say, so they end up blabbing absolute garbage instead.