Issues with socializing

Gary Perez9 said:well, if you aren't in the loop, I guess your clones definitely are.🤣

get lost, you damn clone🙄☕

lonegardener said:Have you considered the possibility that you might have misread the situation? 😉

Look, you even admitted that people constantly misinterpret you. Do you think it’s impossible that you might be doing the same—misinterpreting things yourself?

You wrote, "ignore me, just like everyone else." While it doesn't follow with mathematical certainty that you view yourself as "different," it certainly implies it. Human conversation isn't a logic puzzle where everything has to be stated with 100% precision. There are nuances, implications, and subtext at play here.

But let's move past that. So, you believe you're a completely normal person. If that's the case, what exactly is the issue? Why are you struggling with socializing when other "normal" people aren't? I assume you have some sort of initial theory on why that is.

I suppose it’s because I haven't left my apartment in five days. ☕ Most people are just kind of boring to me anyway, so I don't really feel the urge to build friendships with them. It’s just... I don't know, it feels a little awkward that nobody talks to me at college. I don't get why. ☕
I'm in a new city now, so I mostly just talk to the cashier and my parents on the phone. I guess that's why I end up posting so much on this forum.

Chris Cooper5 said:get lost, you damn clone🙄☕

I'm definitely not a clone myself, though I might know who actually is😛

Chris Cooper5 said:I suppose it’s because I haven't left my apartment in five days. ☕ Most people are just kind of boring to me anyway, so I don't really feel the urge to build friendships with them. It’s just... I don't know, it feels a little awkward that nobody talks to me at college. I don't get why. ☕
I'm in a new city now, so I mostly just talk to the cashier and my parents on the phone. I guess that's why I end up posting so much on this forum.

Maybe people aren't actually that boring. You don't really know until you actually meet them. But how do you even do that? I don't know. Every time I do meet someone, we never become friends. It almost never happens. The thing is, I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't have the energy to go out and hunt for friends or try that hard. I've got way too much other stuff going on. But then, in the end, I just get lonely.

Take my major, for example. There are about a hundred people in my program, and they all hang out in these little groups, while I'm always just... there by myself. I really don't understand why. And I guess it's pretty normal that people gossip about me since I'm always alone. To be fair, I am a bit of a loner, so maybe they're laughing at me, but the truth is I've always had a million things running through my head and I just don't have the drive to socialize. Then boredom hits, and I realize I don't actually have any friends. I don't really see how a psychologist could help with that part. I don't know.

Gary Perez9 said:I'm definitely not a clone myself, though I might know who actually is😛

so, uh... you wanna be friends or what? 😍

Chris Cooper5 said:Maybe people aren't actually that boring. You don't really know until you actually meet them. But how do you even do that? I don't know. Every time I do meet someone, we never become friends. It almost never happens. The thing is, I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't have the energy to go out and hunt for friends or try that hard. I've got way too much other stuff going on. But then, in the end, I just get lonely.

Take my major, for example. There are about a hundred people in my program, and they all hang out in these little groups, while I'm always just... there by myself. I really don't understand why. And I guess it's pretty normal that people gossip about me since I'm always alone. To be fair, I am a bit of a loner, so maybe they're laughing at me, but the truth is I've always had a million things running through my head and I just don't have the drive to socialize. Then boredom hits, and I realize I don't actually have any friends. I don't really see how a psychologist could help with that part. I don't know.

Yeah, you're describing a really tricky situation here. It truly is, and personally, I don't have some magic recipe to "overcome" it—something that's guaranteed to work. I often get the feeling it just comes down to pure luck, or maybe just a lack of interest.

To be honest, I’d say the only real difference between us is that I never actually get bored. I can't remember a single time in my life when I felt that way. Even if I wasn't doing anything particularly important. For instance, even being here on this forum isn't boring at all; if anything, it's the opposite. I'd go as far as to say that "boredom" is a state of being that I don't really understand. 😕

Chris Cooper5 said:so, uh... you wanna be friends or what? 😍

I mean, aren't we already close, plus I'm pretty sure you're secretly head over heels for me anyway.☕

Chris Cooper5, you’re totally contradicting yourself here—like, pick a lane! You say nobody wants to hang out with you and that you're lonely, but then you turn around and say you blew off a friend because you just aren't feeling the social vibe. Make up your mind and stop venting about nothing.

quietheron6 said:Chris Cooper5, you’re totally contradicting yourself here—like, pick a lane! You say nobody wants to hang out with you and that you're lonely, but then you turn around and say you blew off a friend because you just aren't feeling the social vibe. Make up your mind and stop venting about nothing.

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, AND NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE☕

Chris Cooper5 said:I have this issue where whenever I try to join a group of people who have known each other forever and they're already deep in some conversation I know nothing about, I just... I don't know how to jump in. It feels like I'm forcing myself on them, you know? I always end up feeling awkward or just plain stupid, and then they just keep talking amongst themselves like I wasn't even there. Also, I can't stand those people who just talk and talk without ever letting anyone else get a word in because they aren't actually interested in listening. But then again, it feels like nobody ever wants to listen to me either. I guess I don't really get why that is. Can anyone help? I usually just stay quiet, but when I finally do say something, I immediately regret it. 😢

Oh, and I should probably mention that I don't really have any friends. My doctor actually referred me to psychotherapy because my social life is basically non-existent, but I don't have the money to pay for it. 😢

It’s like... I feel like a ghost walking among people, like nobody actually sees me. Even if I do manage to hang out with someone, it never even gets to the point where we swap numbers. On top of that, I struggle because most people just aren't really my type of person to be friends with. It's not that I'm being picky or anything, I just... I can't find common ground. Maybe it's because I deal with depression and I expect too much from people, I guess. Once, back in summer school, I met my absolute best friend. We were together constantly for fifteen days, and I've never felt that kind of connection before or since. But then we went our separate ways, and since she lives in another state now, we've only seen each other once more. 😢

I feel this on such a deep level.😁

It doesn't even have to be about breaking into an existing conversation, either—sometimes it's just being around people and realizing you have absolutely nothing to say to them. Maybe I'm just overthinking it, maybe I'm not, but sometimes when you just drop by to see your coworkers for a bit, you realize there really isn't much common ground to actually talk about.

lonegardener said:Yeah, you're describing a really tricky situation here. It truly is, and personally, I don't have some magic recipe to "overcome" it—something that's guaranteed to work. I often get the feeling it just comes down to pure luck, or maybe just a lack of interest.

To be honest, I’d say the only real difference between us is that I never actually get bored. I can't remember a single time in my life when I felt that way. Even if I wasn't doing anything particularly important. For instance, even being here on this forum isn't boring at all; if anything, it's the opposite. I'd go as far as to say that "boredom" is a state of being that I don't really understand. 😕

Alright then, why are you always so perfect yet so gloomy?🤷

lonegardener said:Yeah, you're describing a really tricky situation here. It truly is, and personally, I don't have some magic recipe to "overcome" it—something that's guaranteed to work. I often get the feeling it just comes down to pure luck, or maybe just a lack of interest.

To be honest, I’d say the only real difference between us is that I never actually get bored. I can't remember a single time in my life when I felt that way. Even if I wasn't doing anything particularly important. For instance, even being here on this forum isn't boring at all; if anything, it's the opposite. I'd go as far as to say that "boredom" is a state of being that I don't really understand. 😕

It doesn't always boil down to luck, I guess. Honestly, a lot of it comes down to who you actually are as a person. Looking back at my old school days, I noticed so many people were always surrounded by these huge groups of friends, mostly just because they were social butterflies or whatever. I wasn't really that type—I never really hung out with anyone outside of class. And those massive friend groups? Most of them don't even speak to each other anymore. For me, if I decide someone is a friend, I’m that kind of person for life. It's just... well, I don't really have many friends to apply that to right now. I have a few left over from high school, but we never actually see each other. They're good people, and they've helped me out plenty of times—I really do care about them—but they aren't exactly what I picture when I think of a "best friend." There are just so many different factors involved in all of this, I suppose.

lonegardener said:Yeah, you're describing a really tricky situation here. It truly is, and personally, I don't have some magic recipe to "overcome" it—something that's guaranteed to work. I often get the feeling it just comes down to pure luck, or maybe just a lack of interest.

To be honest, I’d say the only real difference between us is that I never actually get bored. I can't remember a single time in my life when I felt that way. Even if I wasn't doing anything particularly important. For instance, even being here on this forum isn't boring at all; if anything, it's the opposite. I'd go as far as to say that "boredom" is a state of being that I don't really understand. 😕

Boredom is usually defined as this lack of purpose or meaning, I guess. Or maybe that's just it. For me, honestly... I don't know, everything feels pretty tedious all the time. It’s probably just hit this weird, unhealthy phase in my life. Not that there’s much sense to anything anyway, if I'm being real. Some people can spend their whole lives alone and never feel bored, but for others—people like me—everything just feels flat. Even hanging out with people gets old fast. So, I don't really get why I'm even typing this out, saying I need friends or whatever.🙄

quietheron6 said:Chris Cooper5, you’re totally contradicting yourself here—like, pick a lane! You say nobody wants to hang out with you and that you're lonely, but then you turn around and say you blew off a friend because you just aren't feeling the social vibe. Make up your mind and stop venting about nothing.

Look, that friend was just boring, so I guess I was right to ditch her. And yeah, maybe I am being contradictory... I know that. I'm just trying to figure it all out, I guess.☕

Gary Perez9 said:I mean, aren't we already close, plus I'm pretty sure you're secretly head over heels for me anyway.☕

fine then, so when are we grabbing coffee? or am I just not your type either?

Gary Perez9 said:YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, AND NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE☕

Honestly, I feel like nobody really gets me. It’s like... I don't know, maybe I just don't say things the right way? Or maybe people aren't actually listening. I guess it just feels that way most of the time.😢 I guess I’m just one of a kind. Or maybe that's just me thinking that. It’s a weird feeling, I suppose.🥳

Chris Cooper5 said:fine then, so when are we grabbing coffee? or am I just not your type either?

Oof, you're actually a bit out of my way, but maybe once I'm heading up to visit my aunt in New York City.😉

Gary Perez9 said:Oof, you're actually a bit out of my way, but maybe once I'm heading up to visit my aunt in New York City.😉

Dammit, I’m stuck up here on the high ground, but I think I'm gonna head down to the Spinney.

Gary Perez9 said:YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, AND NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE☕

If they had gone through everything you and I did... man, it's tough. Finding a real friend is harder than it looks, I guess.

Thomas Howard93 said:Alright then, why are you always so perfect yet so gloomy?🤷

😱 😲 😲
Sure, if you define "perfect" as having this obsessive-compulsive need to nitpick everyone else's logic—even when there’s zero payoff—then yeah, call me perfect. If that compulsion stems from a professional habit or some other psychological quirk, then fine. I guess I really am flawless. 🤣

I wasn't speaking in general terms; I was just saying that I'm perfectly fine with myself.