Issues with socializing

Look, I’ll just be honest—I struggle with socializing, and honestly, the whole concept of "socializing" itself is a massive headache for me.😎

I was just sitting here thinking about how much things have changed lately, and honestly, it’s kind of wild when you stop to look at it. I remember back in the day when everything felt a bit more straightforward, like when I used to spend my Saturday mornings wandering around downtown Chicago just soaking in the atmosphere before grabbing a coffee. Now, it feels like there's always this constant hum of activity and change happening right under our noses. It’s funny how life works that way, isn't it? One minute you're just cruising along, and the next, you realize the whole landscape looks different. Anyway, I hope everyone is having a wonderful day and finding some little moments of peace amidst all the chaos! kaže:
Well, I guess things are finally shifting around! I’ve been stuck up here on the high ground for a while now, but I’m actually getting ready to move down to the spin unit. It feels like a bit of a change, but honestly, I'm looking forward to it.

Don't worry about moving me over to the spin class just yet; I’m actually right on the verge of hitting that advanced level!🤣

Chris Cooper5 said:It doesn't always boil down to luck, I guess. Honestly, a lot of it comes down to who you actually are as a person. Looking back at my old school days, I noticed so many people were always surrounded by these huge groups of friends, mostly just because they were social butterflies or whatever. I wasn't really that type—I never really hung out with anyone outside of class. And those massive friend groups? Most of them don't even speak to each other anymore. For me, if I decide someone is a friend, I’m that kind of person for life. It's just... well, I don't really have many friends to apply that to right now. I have a few left over from high school, but we never actually see each other. They're good people, and they've helped me out plenty of times—I really do care about them—but they aren't exactly what I picture when I think of a "best friend." There are just so many different factors involved in all of this, I suppose.

Boredom is usually defined as this lack of purpose or meaning, I guess. Or maybe that's just it. For me, honestly... I don't know, everything feels pretty tedious all the time. It’s probably just hit this weird, unhealthy phase in my life. Not that there’s much sense to anything anyway, if I'm being real. Some people can spend their whole lives alone and never feel bored, but for others—people like me—everything just feels flat. Even hanging out with people gets old fast. So, I don't really get why I'm even typing this out, saying I need friends or whatever.🙄

Like I said, it’s a total lottery. You either get lucky or you don't. I highly doubt you can manufacture a friendship through some calculated strategy or forced effort. If you do, it isn't a friendship; it's more like a business partnership. You should check out the Tennessee Williams novella, *Suddenly Last Summer* by Stone. I think you might enjoy it... and it's a quick read, maybe around 60 pages or so.

Chris Cooper5 said:It doesn't always boil down to luck, I guess. Honestly, a lot of it comes down to who you actually are as a person. Looking back at my old school days, I noticed so many people were always surrounded by these huge groups of friends, mostly just because they were social butterflies or whatever. I wasn't really that type—I never really hung out with anyone outside of class. And those massive friend groups? Most of them don't even speak to each other anymore. For me, if I decide someone is a friend, I’m that kind of person for life. It's just... well, I don't really have many friends to apply that to right now. I have a few left over from high school, but we never actually see each other. They're good people, and they've helped me out plenty of times—I really do care about them—but they aren't exactly what I picture when I think of a "best friend." There are just so many different factors involved in all of this, I suppose.

Boredom is usually defined as this lack of purpose or meaning, I guess. Or maybe that's just it. For me, honestly... I don't know, everything feels pretty tedious all the time. It’s probably just hit this weird, unhealthy phase in my life. Not that there’s much sense to anything anyway, if I'm being real. Some people can spend their whole lives alone and never feel bored, but for others—people like me—everything just feels flat. Even hanging out with people gets old fast. So, I don't really get why I'm even typing this out, saying I need friends or whatever.🙄

Hmm. Nothing makes sense to me either, yet I never feel bored. Though, perhaps we define "boredom" differently.

Thomas Howard93 said:I wasn't speaking in general terms; I was just saying that I'm perfectly fine with myself.

😍 See? It's obvious to me that what you said above was a provocation, yet I still can't resist responding. Well, shoot.

But tell me—how exactly did you conclude that I am "perfect just the way I am"? Because if you truly perceive me that way, then you've managed to read me better in a moment than I have in all these years. In that case, I have no choice but to tip my hat to you. 🙏

silenttinker said:Look, I’ll just be honest—I struggle with socializing, and honestly, the whole concept of "socializing" itself is a massive headache for me.😎

Well, you aren't exactly making things interesting here... maybe try a different thread? I don't know, honestly.🤷

Just a quick heads-up, please try not to get into any heated arguments on my thread. I’m really just looking for some constructive conversation here.☕

Gary Perez9 said:

I was just sitting here thinking about how much things have changed lately, and honestly, it’s kind of wild when you stop to look at it. I remember back in the day when everything felt a bit more straightforward, like when I used to spend my Saturday mornings wandering around downtown Chicago just soaking in the atmosphere before grabbing a coffee. Now, it feels like there's always this constant hum of activity and change happening right under our noses. It’s funny how life works that way, isn't it? One minute you're just cruising along, and the next, you realize the whole landscape looks different. Anyway, I hope everyone is having a wonderful day and finding some little moments of peace amidst all the chaos! kaže:
Well, I guess things are finally shifting around! I’ve been stuck up here on the high ground for a while now, but I’m actually getting ready to move down to the spin unit. It feels like a bit of a change, but honestly, I'm looking forward to it.

Don't worry about moving me over to the spin class just yet; I’m actually right on the verge of hitting that advanced level!🤣

Well alright then, when are we actually gonna hang out?

Chris Cooper5 said:Just a quick heads-up, please try not to get into any heated arguments on my thread. I’m really just looking for some constructive conversation here.☕

Yeah, totally.

lonegardener said:Like I said, it’s a total lottery. You either get lucky or you don't. I highly doubt you can manufacture a friendship through some calculated strategy or forced effort. If you do, it isn't a friendship; it's more like a business partnership. You should check out the Tennessee Williams novella, *Suddenly Last Summer* by Stone. I think you might enjoy it... and it's a quick read, maybe around 60 pages or so.

Hmm. Nothing makes sense to me either, yet I never feel bored. Though, perhaps we define "boredom" differently.

😍 See? It's obvious to me that what you said above was a provocation, yet I still can't resist responding. Well, shoot.

But tell me—how exactly did you conclude that I am "perfect just the way I am"? Because if you truly perceive me that way, then you've managed to read me better in a moment than I have in all these years. In that case, I have no choice but to tip my hat to you. 🙏

😍

lonegardener said:Like I said, it’s a total lottery. You either get lucky or you don't. I highly doubt you can manufacture a friendship through some calculated strategy or forced effort. If you do, it isn't a friendship; it's more like a business partnership. You should check out the Tennessee Williams novella, *Suddenly Last Summer* by Stone. I think you might enjoy it... and it's a quick read, maybe around 60 pages or so.

Hmm. Nothing makes sense to me either, yet I never feel bored. Though, perhaps we define "boredom" differently.

😍 See? It's obvious to me that what you said above was a provocation, yet I still can't resist responding. Well, shoot.

But tell me—how exactly did you conclude that I am "perfect just the way I am"? Because if you truly perceive me that way, then you've managed to read me better in a moment than I have in all these years. In that case, I have no choice but to tip my hat to you. 🙏

I mean, look at me, I never even leave my apartment—especially not out at night—so I have no clue where someone would even meet a friend. It would probably just be the mailman, or the guy from Comcast coming to fix the cable, the cleaning lady, or the cashier at the grocery store downstairs. There aren't exactly many options there. Then again, it's a different story if you're out and about every day, being part of the world. Even if you are social and always down to hang out.

lonegardener said:Like I said, it’s a total lottery. You either get lucky or you don't. I highly doubt you can manufacture a friendship through some calculated strategy or forced effort. If you do, it isn't a friendship; it's more like a business partnership. You should check out the Tennessee Williams novella, *Suddenly Last Summer* by Stone. I think you might enjoy it... and it's a quick read, maybe around 60 pages or so.

Hmm. Nothing makes sense to me either, yet I never feel bored. Though, perhaps we define "boredom" differently.

😍 See? It's obvious to me that what you said above was a provocation, yet I still can't resist responding. Well, shoot.

But tell me—how exactly did you conclude that I am "perfect just the way I am"? Because if you truly perceive me that way, then you've managed to read me better in a moment than I have in all these years. In that case, I have no choice but to tip my hat to you. 🙏

I don't know, I deal with enough mental health stuff that life itself feels more boring than anything else, I guess. And, well, maybe you can live without friends if you're a peaceful person and you're okay with what you've got. But then again, humans are social creatures, and they say you're only worth as much as your circle of friends. Sometimes I'd love to just grab a coffee with someone, talk about interesting things, hang out, and share the highs and lows. When I don't have anyone, I just have to find other ways to stay busy. It would all be fine if I were healthy. But like this... it's not great whether I'm alone or out in a crowd.

Chris Cooper5 said:Well alright then, when are we actually gonna hang out?

I mean, am I hanging out with you, or with blurred, outoffblue, daimlerbenz, ginki, janeway, or whoever else happens to be around?😂

Gary Perez9 said:I mean, am I hanging out with you, or with blurred, outoffblue, daimlerbenz, ginki, janeway, or whoever else happens to be around?😂

So what's this trash even competing against now? Honestly, forget that eyesore... I can't even tell if it's male or female at this point.☕

Chris Cooper5 said:So what's this trash even competing against now? Honestly, forget that eyesore... I can't even tell if it's male or female at this point.☕

Anyway, I'm definitely not considering Ginki or any of those other losers.☕

You guys are being boring, go hang out upstairs somewhere.

Question for the OP: what’s your playlist looking like? Honestly, you really ought to get out there one Friday night—grab a drink, actually enjoy yourself for once... Look, I know it sounds ridiculous, but maybe it would actually make you a better person. It might even change your perspective on things—which, let’s be real, seems to be where your actual problem lies.

Chris Cooper5 said:I have this issue where whenever I try to join a group of people who have known each other forever and they're already deep in some conversation I know nothing about, I just... I don't know how to jump in. It feels like I'm forcing myself on them, you know? I always end up feeling awkward or just plain stupid, and then they just keep talking amongst themselves like I wasn't even there. Also, I can't stand those people who just talk and talk without ever letting anyone else get a word in because they aren't actually interested in listening. But then again, it feels like nobody ever wants to listen to me either. I guess I don't really get why that is. Can anyone help? I usually just stay quiet, but when I finally do say something, I immediately regret it. 😢

Oh, and I should probably mention that I don't really have any friends. My doctor actually referred me to psychotherapy because my social life is basically non-existent, but I don't have the money to pay for it. 😢

It’s like... I feel like a ghost walking among people, like nobody actually sees me. Even if I do manage to hang out with someone, it never even gets to the point where we swap numbers. On top of that, I struggle because most people just aren't really my type of person to be friends with. It's not that I'm being picky or anything, I just... I can't find common ground. Maybe it's because I deal with depression and I expect too much from people, I guess. Once, back in summer school, I met my absolute best friend. We were together constantly for fifteen days, and I've never felt that kind of connection before or since. But then we went our separate ways, and since she lives in another state now, we've only seen each other once more. 😢

I've had pretty similar experiences.

In a way, you should push yourself to be social, but you shouldn't force it either... because forcing things doesn't really yield anything useful. It isn't a real solution.
As for how you're feeling now, it shouldn't last forever, and you shouldn't let it.
For you, the fix would be—firstly, having some self-esteem and confidence, or working on building that up—basically, doing the work on yourself. The goal is to socialize and live among people who actually share your interests, people who are like you, even if that starts with just one person (it helps if they're around your age, though that's not a strict rule). Because those people exist; there are people out there just like us.
See, in certain social circles, you just can't be yourself, but you also shouldn't try to be someone you're not by over-adjusting. In those kinds of groups, you just hold your own, even if you're the odd one out. Sometimes, in certain settings, whatever you say might be misinterpreted, or people might just not like you because of how you carry yourself, and so on.

I guess you're just more of a passive type who prefers listening rather than being the center of attention (so maybe don't try to be). You can definitely succeed socially just being who you are. You just need to find a crew that matches you, like that friend from summer camp. Think about why that worked so well for you and try to aim for that again.

A therapist can't do all the heavy lifting here; you have to handle this yourself. Gradually. Step by step. Good luck, 👍

Chris Cooper5 said:Look, that friend was just boring, so I guess I was right to ditch her. And yeah, maybe I am being contradictory... I know that. I'm just trying to figure it all out, I guess.☕

What's the end goal here? You actually looking to hang out with people or what—is it even worth it? Honestly, you don't need a massive squad... just one real one is plenty.

Chris Cooper5 said:I mean, look at me, I never even leave my apartment—especially not out at night—so I have no clue where someone would even meet a friend. It would probably just be the mailman, or the guy from Comcast coming to fix the cable, the cleaning lady, or the cashier at the grocery store downstairs. There aren't exactly many options there. Then again, it's a different story if you're out and about every day, being part of the world. Even if you are social and always down to hang out.

I don't know, I deal with enough mental health stuff that life itself feels more boring than anything else, I guess. And, well, maybe you can live without friends if you're a peaceful person and you're okay with what you've got. But then again, humans are social creatures, and they say you're only worth as much as your circle of friends. Sometimes I'd love to just grab a coffee with someone, talk about interesting things, hang out, and share the highs and lows. When I don't have anyone, I just have to find other ways to stay busy. It would all be fine if I were healthy. But like this... it's not great whether I'm alone or out in a crowd.

I’m not so sure it’s ever that simple, even when you have plenty of "opportunities" at your fingertips. Take my situation, for instance—I have a massive network of professional contacts. In fact, I run in circles where I could easily steer things toward something more personal than just business if I actually wanted to. Between current colleagues, former coworkers, and various industry connections, the options are there. But even with all that, I still think finding a true friend is nothing more than a total lottery. 🤷 It often starts back in childhood or during those high school years... and more often than not, it just gets darker as you go, much like it did in my case.
Honestly, it would probably be for the best if you found a hobby or something to keep you busy outside of this forum...

Chris Cooper5 said:I mean, look at me, I never even leave my apartment—especially not out at night—so I have no clue where someone would even meet a friend. It would probably just be the mailman, or the guy from Comcast coming to fix the cable, the cleaning lady, or the cashier at the grocery store downstairs. There aren't exactly many options there. Then again, it's a different story if you're out and about every day, being part of the world. Even if you are social and always down to hang out.

I don't know, I deal with enough mental health stuff that life itself feels more boring than anything else, I guess. And, well, maybe you can live without friends if you're a peaceful person and you're okay with what you've got. But then again, humans are social creatures, and they say you're only worth as much as your circle of friends. Sometimes I'd love to just grab a coffee with someone, talk about interesting things, hang out, and share the highs and lows. When I don't have anyone, I just have to find other ways to stay busy. It would all be fine if I were healthy. But like this... it's not great whether I'm alone or out in a crowd.

Pure nonsense (this last part). People who judge their worth by their friend count usually have what I’d call "strictly professional" relationships. I know folks out there with 450 'friends' on Facebook. You really have to wonder—what kind of 'friends' are those, actually? 😁

Just to be clear—I’m not trying to gatekeep how anyone chooses to define a "friend." If you have a specific definition in mind that works for you, then sure, maybe it really is possible to claim 450 friends. 🤷

lonegardener said:I’m not so sure it’s ever that simple, even when you have plenty of "opportunities" at your fingertips. Take my situation, for instance—I have a massive network of professional contacts. In fact, I run in circles where I could easily steer things toward something more personal than just business if I actually wanted to. Between current colleagues, former coworkers, and various industry connections, the options are there. But even with all that, I still think finding a true friend is nothing more than a total lottery. 🤷 It often starts back in childhood or during those high school years... and more often than not, it just gets darker as you go, much like it did in my case.
Honestly, it would probably be for the best if you found a hobby or something to keep you busy outside of this forum...

Pure nonsense (this last part). People who judge their worth by their friend count usually have what I’d call "strictly professional" relationships. I know folks out there with 450 'friends' on Facebook. You really have to wonder—what kind of 'friends' are those, actually? 😁

Just to be clear—I’m not trying to gatekeep how anyone chooses to define a "friend." If you have a specific definition in mind that works for you, then sure, maybe it really is possible to claim 450 friends. 🤷

I’ve got 350 friends on Facebook myself.☕

lonegardener said:I’m not so sure it’s ever that simple, even when you have plenty of "opportunities" at your fingertips. Take my situation, for instance—I have a massive network of professional contacts. In fact, I run in circles where I could easily steer things toward something more personal than just business if I actually wanted to. Between current colleagues, former coworkers, and various industry connections, the options are there. But even with all that, I still think finding a true friend is nothing more than a total lottery. 🤷 It often starts back in childhood or during those high school years... and more often than not, it just gets darker as you go, much like it did in my case.
Honestly, it would probably be for the best if you found a hobby or something to keep you busy outside of this forum...

Pure nonsense (this last part). People who judge their worth by their friend count usually have what I’d call "strictly professional" relationships. I know folks out there with 450 'friends' on Facebook. You really have to wonder—what kind of 'friends' are those, actually? 😁

Just to be clear—I’m not trying to gatekeep how anyone chooses to define a "friend." If you have a specific definition in mind that works for you, then sure, maybe it really is possible to claim 450 friends. 🤷

Apple makes a good point; people love to boast about their acquaintances. But regardless of what kind of friends anyone has, you really need to be a friend to yourself first. You know, being honest with yourself, finding internal motivation, trusting your own gut, and just... getting along with yourself. Once you've figured yourself out, it’s easier to realize what you actually expect from a friend. One real one is enough; someone you can actually turn to for advice whenever.
I had a great group of friends growing up—but that fell apart. Same thing in high school—it scattered (though one person stuck around, someone very similar to me; I used to be under the illusion we were identical, which is impossible). That guy? He’s a true friend to me. Later on, during college or at different jobs, I didn't really have experiences like that. In marriage, I'm trying to "crystallize" a relationship like that (marriage is its own thing—a complex partnership), I'm working on it. But that colleague, friend, buddy, whatever—he's very much like me; I need him and I love him. He feels the same way about me, and we tolerate each other, even though we both know we can be difficult characters. We are. He’s a great guy, and it's a shame I can't just have him on standby.

P.S. And yeah; I still struggle with socializing, but I don't stress about it like I used to. Chris Cooper5, you can find my post about that on page 3.