Falling for an ex with an addiction problem

Jeffrey Stewart4 said:That’s exactly what keeps me up at night—the fear that he'll relapse. But honestly, what am I supposed to do? I feel like I'm completely paralyzed by everything happening right now😢. I'm 28 years old—and look, I'm not some naive kid; I have a college degree and a career behind me.
It’s heartbreaking because I see this reality all too often at my job; I've seen plenty of users, and I even saw one colleague pass away, which was just devastating... And now, here I am, having fallen for someone just like them. It’s a heavy situation, and I think I might care a little too much.

Samuel Davis16 said:My husband’s best friend is an addict.
They grew up together, so they're still inseparable.
He’s been with his girlfriend for three years now.
She knew he was shooting up for years, but she wouldn't be with him if he hadn't stopped—or at least, that's her excuse.🙄
She knows exactly what someone on a bender looks like (and he is—sometimes it's just pills, sometimes it's coke, but lately, it's all IV), yet she chooses to look the other way.
They make it work. But only because she’s so high herself that it’s honestly unbelievable.
(He isn't your typical street junkie who steals from people; he doesn't have the legal baggage he used to.)
What I can't wrap my head around is this: how one addict can't give a normal woman everything she needs, and how a normal woman can endure it even when she knows.
Even while she's high.
Look, if you could actually provide everything—emotionally speaking—maybe he wouldn't be using. She'd see that instantly, no matter how blind she might be.☕
It would be great if that were the case, but nobody can guarantee he won't slide right back into the pills.
Anyone using is a hard-core hedonist. They love the high too much to stay clean.
They are rare—I mean reaaaaally rare—people who get clean. Even when they manage to detox physically, they never truly get clean mentally.
Anyway, hope that gives you something to think about.

Jeffrey Stewart4 said:I honestly believe that even those who successfully get clean still have drugs constantly playing on their minds. My partner and I are always out and about, just taking things slow... I asked him earlier if he felt ready to go outside, and he told me he wasn't quite ready yet (when I pressed him on what he meant, he said he wasn't ready for "the environment")... I don't even know, I'm just completely overwhelmed right now.
But seriously, what kind of "environment" is he talking about?? wtf??
He used to be heavily into coke, and people told me that users often have tiny pupils. So now I find myself constantly observing him, but his pupils seem to fluctuate between being tiny or huge.😕
I went to the CVS today and bought a test kit, thinking maybe I could ask him to take it. Is that being rude or intrusive? Honestly, I feel like it’s the only way I’ll ever find any peace of mind.
It’s hard to believe I'm sharing my life with complete strangers while I can't even open up to my best friend... But talking here feels a little easier.

He pulled the lever, and honestly, people started telling me that their pupils looked incredibly small. It got me thinking, so now I find myself constantly researching the whole thing, but from what I can see, his pupils are either tiny or absolutely massive.😕

I picked up a test at the local CVS today, and I actually had this sudden, fleeting thought about handing it over to her just to let her run the diagnostic herself. I found myself wondering for a moment—would that come across as rude or perhaps a bit patronizing? Part of me feels like it might be the only way to truly put her mind at ease, as seeing the results firsthand might be the only thing that could really settle her nerves.
It feels a bit surreal, doesn't it? I honestly can't believe I’m sharing the intimate details of my life with complete strangers on the internet, especially when I find myself unable to open up to my absolute best friend about these things. Ali, there is just something about this space that makes it feel easier to let it all out.

brightridge59 said:He just isn't quite ready to jump back into the mix because he’s become so completely disconnected from everyone around him.
That’s precisely why I believe we should prioritize the local community and our surrounding neighborhood.

He pulled the lever, and honestly, people started telling me that their pupils looked incredibly small. It got me thinking, so now I find myself constantly researching the whole thing, but from what I can see, his pupils are either tiny or absolutely massive.😕

It’s a bit of a pattern I’ve noticed; when they're using heroin, it tends to be more about those smaller, subtle doses, whereas things really escalate and become much more intense during the withdrawal phases.
If they’re absolutely tiny—I mean, looking like little specks even when you're standing in total darkness—then there isn't even a question about it; he definitely went ahead and took them.

I picked up a test at the local CVS today, and I actually had this sudden, fleeting thought about handing it over to her just to let her run the diagnostic herself. I found myself wondering for a moment—would that come across as rude or perhaps a bit patronizing? Part of me feels like it might be the only way to truly put her mind at ease, as seeing the results firsthand might be the only thing that could really settle her nerves.
It feels a bit surreal, doesn't it? I honestly can't believe I’m sharing the intimate details of my life with complete strangers on the internet, especially when I find myself unable to open up to my absolute best friend about these things. Ali, there is just something about this space that makes it feel easier to let it all out.

I don't think it’s rude at all; honestly, you have every right to ask. If he turns you down, then it’s a pretty clear sign that he's trying to hide something.

Take a moment to really sit with that thought and ask yourself: is this truly the kind of life you want to lead—one defined by constant doubt and a lingering sense of fear? 😢

riječkaleptirica;15619347 said: (I’m not some idiot, I actually have a college degree).

🙄

Just because you finished school doesn't mean you're a genius in every other aspect of life...

People who have gone through a divorce usually only have one God, and honestly, your whole vibe is like a cliché from a bad Hollywood movie—you know, the kind where everyone tells you to stay away, but your "heart" just won't listen...

Man, I would feel absolutely pathetic if I had to ask a girl to take a test for me, or even if I had to spend a single second thinking about it. I wouldn't even let myself get in that position. And my "heart"? No way. I’d never let myself fall for a woman I couldn't trust completely. All this talk about following your "heart" is just stuff people tell themselves when they're looking for cheap thrills—at least, that's how it looks to me.

Good luck with that.🙂

George Chavez8 said:

Dennis Doyle3 said:

George Chavez8 said:Must be nice being able to choose who you fall for... or in your case, just choosing who you "fall" for.☕

Samuel Davis16 said:It blows my mind how people act like you get a choice in who you fall for.
If we actually had a say, half these debates wouldn't even exist.

I’d love to say I hadn't fallen for the person I did, but here we are.

That’s why they call love blind. You don't see the addict, the gambler, or the jerk... you just don't see any of it.

That’s the whole point. ;-)

Jeffrey Stewart4 said:That’s exactly what keeps me up at night—the fear that he'll relapse. But honestly, what am I supposed to do? I feel like I'm completely paralyzed by everything happening right now😢. I'm 28 years old—and look, I'm not some naive kid; I have a college degree and a career behind me.
It’s heartbreaking because I see this reality all too often at my job; I've seen plenty of users, and I even saw one colleague pass away, which was just devastating... And now, here I am, having fallen for someone just like them. It’s a heavy situation, and I think I might care a little too much.

Samuel Davis16 said:It blows my mind how people act like you get a choice in who you fall for.
If we actually had a say, half these debates wouldn't even exist.

I’d love to say I hadn't fallen for the person I did, but here we are.

That’s why they call love blind. You don't see the addict, the gambler, or the jerk... you just don't see any of it.

That’s the whole point. ;-)

That's why they say love is blind. You don't see the addict, you don't see the gambler, you don't see the abuser... you just don't see any of it.

And that's really the crux of the matter, isn't it? ;-)

brightridge59 said:He just isn't quite ready to jump back into the mix because he’s become so completely disconnected from everyone around him.
That’s precisely why I believe we should prioritize the local community and our surrounding neighborhood.

He pulled the lever, and honestly, people started telling me that their pupils looked incredibly small. It got me thinking, so now I find myself constantly researching the whole thing, but from what I can see, his pupils are either tiny or absolutely massive.😕

It’s a bit of a pattern I’ve noticed; when they're using heroin, it tends to be more about those smaller, subtle doses, whereas things really escalate and become much more intense during the withdrawal phases.
If they’re absolutely tiny—I mean, looking like little specks even when you're standing in total darkness—then there isn't even a question about it; he definitely went ahead and took them.

I picked up a test at the local CVS today, and I actually had this sudden, fleeting thought about handing it over to her just to let her run the diagnostic herself. I found myself wondering for a moment—would that come across as rude or perhaps a bit patronizing? Part of me feels like it might be the only way to truly put her mind at ease, as seeing the results firsthand might be the only thing that could really settle her nerves.
It feels a bit surreal, doesn't it? I honestly can't believe I’m sharing the intimate details of my life with complete strangers on the internet, especially when I find myself unable to open up to my absolute best friend about these things. Ali, there is just something about this space that makes it feel easier to let it all out.

I don't think it’s rude at all; honestly, you have every right to ask. If he turns you down, then it’s a pretty clear sign that he's trying to hide something.

Take a moment to really sit with that thought and ask yourself: is this truly the kind of life you want to lead—one defined by constant doubt and a lingering sense of fear? 😢

brightridge59 said:Look, Ronald Rogers27... you’re talking about two completely different things here.

If some woman posted online saying she was thinking about walking out onto a busy interstate to see if a car would hit her just to test her luck, what on earth would you say to her?
Would you tell her to go ahead and take the risk because "well, maybe it won't happen"? 😕

You're stuck in the realm of theory, but I’m speaking from actual life experience. When you're dealing with addicts, there is simply no such thing as trust—not even when people claim they've "rehabilitated."

Addiction is a chronic, recurring illness, not some temporary phase or a run of bad luck. There is no reliable future to be built with them.
That’s exactly why I offer this kind of advice and hold this perspective.

Andrew Ramos10 said:I mean, honestly... everything stays perfectly fine until you start obsessing over every little detail
It’ll be much easier to pull him away from all that nonsense if you just relax...

William Nelson7 said:If you truly love him, you’ll stick by his side through thick and thin. Just make sure you don't let yourself fall into drug use. If you see that he’s actually doing it, you have to walk away from him. If he loves you, he’ll stop.