Falling for an ex with an addiction problem

Ronald Rogers27 said:"Dear _Saveta_, I’m coming to you with a sincere plea to help me solve a problem that is serious, heavy, and honestly driving me to the brink of madness. I’m seeing this incredible girl—let's call her kappa_insomnije. I’ve never met anyone so beautiful, brave, educated, and sharp. Everything would be perfect if she weren't an ex-addict. She’s been 'clean' for three years now, having quit heroin for good, and she really threw herself back into life and her studies at the University of California. She’s finishing her law degree with straight A's, and I actually thought about hiring her at my dad’s firm. But my whole family is against us. They say I’ve lost my mind, that I'm dating a junkie who lies to me, drugs behind my back, and just uses me for my money to fund her habit. They call me naive, a 'walking ATM.' Dear _Saveta_, you’re my last hope!" Zvonko.

"Dear Zvonko, your situation is a dead end unless you walk away. You need to run from this woman, kappa_insomnije, headfirst. If I were in your shoes, knowing everything I know—I’d get out. I’d cry, I'd mourn, I'd wipe my tears, pick up the pieces of my heart, and move on. Leaving is much less painful than staying. But it’s not just about avoiding pain; it’s about doing what’s right for yourself. It is the right thing to do!

Have you lost your mind, Zvonko? Giving a job to an addict who can't even find her own direction in life? She lies, she cheats, she steals. Don't believe a single word she says, because her being 'clean' is just for show. People like that should NEVER be given jobs; they should be blacklisted forever for what they do to society and their loved ones.

Are you even aware, Zvonko, that only about 5% of addicts actually make it out of the grip of drugs? And even within that 5%, you can NEVER be 1000% sure that someone like kappa_insomnije won't crawl back to heroin.

Whatever you decide, you’re doing it entirely at your own risk.

Sincerely, Vasa _Saveta_
_______

Ronald Rogers27

I have a sudden urge to be a complete nuisance. 😈

But I'm keeping it together... mostly.🙂

And look, like brightridge59 said, I have zero intention of getting myself banned just because of you. 😉

Anyway, let's get back to the actual point. ☕

Long story short......... 🙂

Which, obviously, is something you aren't going to do. 🤷

So, the only thing I can really tell you is this: 🙂

You're gonna need 😢

P.S. There’s no such thing as an ex-addict—there are just addicts who haven't relapsed in a while.

Jeffrey Stewart4 said:I am fully aware, deep down, that walking away would be the better choice—honestly, it would have been best if I had never even started this journey—but...
I just can't bring myself to leave; I simply can't.
How am I supposed to just abandon him? I want him to know that I’ll be there, standing by his side, ready to help if he falls back into that hole again. But at the same time, I need him to tell me the truth, because I feel like I've earned that much. Back when he was using, he wasn't one of those guys out committing crimes or stealing from neighbors, mostly because he comes from such a well-to-do family. The only people he's truly hurt are his parents and his sister. He has betrayed their trust a thousand times over, and they are living in fear, just like I am.

Helping an addict? Don't you realize he has to actually want to get clean himself? From what I can see, he's at the stage where he won't even admit he has a problem...😢

Look, honey, you don't want to leave. Just admit that to yourself and everyone else here.

Staying with an addict is your own choice.

So, since you've made that call, you've gotta accept everything that comes with it—the endless tears, the excuses, the lies, the constant uphill battles, the broken trust... all of it.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you find the strength to deal with all the crap heading your way.

Honestly, I don't even get why you even started this thread? 🤷

brightridge59 said:You beat me to it! 🤣 🤣

God. Oh my goodness. : 5%: 😢

But I have to hand it to insomnia. 🙏

well, eh🤣 🙏 🙏 nothing is perfect😍 🤣

Nobody, I have to hand it to you for being so creative. Even if it's unrealistic, at least that optimism of yours is bringing something positive to the table.😁

Don't let the sleepless nights get to you.🙂 😍 😍 🤣

Mark Campbell5 said:I have a sudden urge to be a complete nuisance. 😈

But I'm keeping it together... mostly.🙂

And look, like brightridge59 said, I have zero intention of getting myself banned just because of you. 😉

Anyway, let's get back to the actual point. ☕

Long story short......... 🙂

Which, obviously, is something you aren't going to do. 🤷

So, the only thing I can really tell you is this: 🙂

You're gonna need 😢

P.S. There’s no such thing as an ex-addict—there are just addicts who haven't relapsed in a while.

But hey... we've definitely crossed paths before😍, and I remember thinking how all women fall for red heels... provided they're worn by someone who is, well... actually smart.🙂

Mark Campbell5 said:I have a sudden urge to be a complete nuisance. 😈

But I'm keeping it together... mostly.🙂

And look, like brightridge59 said, I have zero intention of getting myself banned just because of you. 😉

Anyway, let's get back to the actual point. ☕

Long story short......... 🙂

Which, obviously, is something you aren't going to do. 🤷

So, the only thing I can really tell you is this: 🙂

You're gonna need 😢

P.S. There’s no such thing as an ex-addict—there are just addicts who haven't relapsed in a while.

And of course she won't. Honestly, neither would I. 🤷
I remember people giving me all sorts of advice back then, but I just wasn't listening.

Even when I finally decided to take action, I had the full support of my friends, my family—everyone was behind me—and yet, things still didn't turn out well. It’s because at the end of the day, they can't fight against themselves.
And they can't, simply because they don't want to. 🙂

Roger Evans said:Helping an addict? Don't you realize he has to actually want to get clean himself? From what I can see, he's at the stage where he won't even admit he has a problem...😢

Look, honey, you don't want to leave. Just admit that to yourself and everyone else here.

Staying with an addict is your own choice.

So, since you've made that call, you've gotta accept everything that comes with it—the endless tears, the excuses, the lies, the constant uphill battles, the broken trust... all of it.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you find the strength to deal with all the crap heading your way.

Honestly, I don't even get why you even started this thread? 🤷

That is truly the hardest part, when there is no admission of the problem. They convince themselves that they don't need anyone or anything, and that they can handle it all on their own.

Honey, the truth is you don't actually want to leave. You should be honest with yourself and everyone else about that.

Your own choice is to stay with an addict.

👍
Perhaps we should just rename this entire thread to "Emotional Support for Everyone Dealing with Addicts"? 🤔

@ Christian Sanchez4 😍

Regarding our friend here:

The search function isn't working for me right now, and I really don't have the patience to scroll through everything manually, but there are two specific threads on this forum that you really ought to read. There's one called "Addiction"—it follows a young, idealistic user who thinks he can take on the whole system 😬 by using drugs.

Then there's "Addicts, please help"—a story about a girl who ended up in a relationship with an "ex"-addict, only to have her heart broken when she realized he had relapsed.

You'll find just about everything you need to know there; besides, many of us who are replying to you now were posting about these very same issues back then.

brightridge59 said:And of course she won't. Honestly, neither would I. 🤷
I remember people giving me all sorts of advice back then, but I just wasn't listening.

Even when I finally decided to take action, I had the full support of my friends, my family—everyone was behind me—and yet, things still didn't turn out well. It’s because at the end of the day, they can't fight against themselves.
And they can't, simply because they don't want to. 🙂

That is truly the hardest part, when there is no admission of the problem. They convince themselves that they don't need anyone or anything, and that they can handle it all on their own.

Honey, the truth is you don't actually want to leave. You should be honest with yourself and everyone else about that.

Your own choice is to stay with an addict.

👍
Perhaps we should just rename this entire thread to "Emotional Support for Everyone Dealing with Addicts"? 🤔

@ Christian Sanchez4 😍

Regarding our friend here:

The search function isn't working for me right now, and I really don't have the patience to scroll through everything manually, but there are two specific threads on this forum that you really ought to read. There's one called "Addiction"—it follows a young, idealistic user who thinks he can take on the whole system 😬 by using drugs.

Then there's "Addicts, please help"—a story about a girl who ended up in a relationship with an "ex"-addict, only to have her heart broken when she realized he had relapsed.

You'll find just about everything you need to know there; besides, many of us who are replying to you now were posting about these very same issues back then.

😉

😢

brightridge59 said:And of course she won't. Honestly, neither would I. 🤷
I remember people giving me all sorts of advice back then, but I just wasn't listening.

Even when I finally decided to take action, I had the full support of my friends, my family—everyone was behind me—and yet, things still didn't turn out well. It’s because at the end of the day, they can't fight against themselves.
And they can't, simply because they don't want to. 🙂

That is truly the hardest part, when there is no admission of the problem. They convince themselves that they don't need anyone or anything, and that they can handle it all on their own.

Honey, the truth is you don't actually want to leave. You should be honest with yourself and everyone else about that.

Your own choice is to stay with an addict.

👍
Perhaps we should just rename this entire thread to "Emotional Support for Everyone Dealing with Addicts"? 🤔

@ Christian Sanchez4 😍

Regarding our friend here:

The search function isn't working for me right now, and I really don't have the patience to scroll through everything manually, but there are two specific threads on this forum that you really ought to read. There's one called "Addiction"—it follows a young, idealistic user who thinks he can take on the whole system 😬 by using drugs.

Then there's "Addicts, please help"—a story about a girl who ended up in a relationship with an "ex"-addict, only to have her heart broken when she realized he had relapsed.

You'll find just about everything you need to know there; besides, many of us who are replying to you now were posting about these very same issues back then.

You could always just use Google:
Just type in this:
"Addicts help me" site:reddit.com
And you'll get results just like those.

Amanda Stewart7 said:But hey... we've definitely crossed paths before😍, and I remember thinking how all women fall for red heels... provided they're worn by someone who is, well... actually smart.🙂

Look, I know this is a completely random way to break the ice, but whatever.

Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith

😉

That probably wasn't my brightest moment...

Christian Sanchez4 said:I realized I had to reach out to you, analogsailor98 😁

It seems like we always get the exact same group of people chiming in on threads like this 🤣

Hope everyone is doing well 👋 😍

edit: Good grief, this glitchy forum finally decided to work 😁 It took long enough for my post to actually go through 😁

The General Discussion area... still can't get this place to pick up any steam, plus trying to even hit "post" is a total nightmare unless you're feeling lucky...

But seriously, I actually wanted to hang out with you guys again😢

brightridge59 said:You beat me to it! 🤣 🤣

God. Oh my goodness. : 5%: 😢

But I have to hand it to insomnia. 🙏

Today, 03:06 (EST)... Today, 04:30 (EST)
Christian Sanchez4
finishing up
_______

(Sanchez, I really hope I managed to show how flawed your logic is. I basically took YOUR own arguments and turned them right back on you—using you as the test subject instead of that guy from Butterfly Creek. Don't take it personally.) 👍

Ronald Rogers27

..a drowning man will grab at a straw...and honestly, it’s the exact same thing when people fall in love... I was watching this documentary the other day about addicts and former addicts—just one of those things that sticks with you... there was this guy, clean for fifteen years now, has the whole setup—wife, kids, a steady career... he even spends his free time volunteering at recovery centers, using his own history to help others get through it... he said that even today, he’s still fighting it, and he knows he never truly stops... for someone caught up in a crush on an addict, or anyone else in that kind of mess, a story like his should be enough to spark some hope... the chances of a happy ending aren't just zero, they're actually more than minimal... I'm not here to give advice... I don't have any... I'm just making an observation that most people lack the backbone to handle even minor setbacks, let alone something as massive and soul-crushing as overcoming addiction... anyway, I just hope she gets through this with as little damage to her heart and her life as possible...

Ronald Rogers27 said:Today, 03:06 (EST)... Today, 04:30 (EST)
Christian Sanchez4
finishing up
_______

(Sanchez, I really hope I managed to show how flawed your logic is. I basically took YOUR own arguments and turned them right back on you—using you as the test subject instead of that guy from Butterfly Creek. Don't take it personally.) 👍

Ronald Rogers27

you aren't😁 and it is quite interesting that you remain the only one who fails to see it😁

And because of the creative way this played out, I won't bother criticizing you on any thread ever again. You can write about the merits of religion or human reproduction for all I care😁 You have earned a pass from my counterarguments😁 Be happy; this isn't something that happens to me very often😁 You are officially free from my venom😁

🙂 :wink wink:

The absolute best advice I can offer you is this: fall out of love with him IMMEDIATELY.
I mean, look, you’ve already fallen, and now the inevitable cycle begins... "Oh, but he’s different from 99% of other guys," "He’s actually sweet and soft-spoken," "Sure, his mood swings are more frequent than most people change their socks, but we're the exception..." You'll tell yourself that everyone else is just cynical and judgmental, and you'll keep living that delusion... right up until the moment you finally stop lying to yourself.

That guy doesn't love himself, he doesn't love you, and he certainly doesn't love anyone else!
He is an emotional vampire who has likely sensed a soul in you that he can simply drain of every ounce of life energy.
And honestly, there are probably others besides you... it's highly probable.
If you also happen to have some rather well-founded suspicions that he's using drugs? Well, there it is.

Now, I am not suggesting that former addicts shouldn't be given a second chance—everyone deserves one, naturally.
But you absolutely must maintain a massive distance from them, and ONLY when they PROVE themselves through consistent actions should you allow them even a tiny bit of proximity... because if you don't, he will utterly DESTROY you.
I don't want it to seem like I'm just talking nonsense, so here is the reality: I've been tangled up with an ex-addict for three years now, and while miraculously he isn't using anymore, still...
If he hasn't completely changed, please, just walk away for your own sake... for your future, your youth, and the possibility of finding actual love.
Don't get me wrong, I understand perfectly what you saw in him; it is incredibly magnetic, but it is also damn dangerous.
As I said before, if you truly cannot bring yourself to leave him, then keep him at a significant distance, and only once he has proven his worth through his deeds, let him draw a little closer.😉

Raymond Sanchez7 said:The absolute best advice I can offer you is this: fall out of love with him IMMEDIATELY.
I mean, look, you’ve already fallen, and now the inevitable cycle begins... "Oh, but he’s different from 99% of other guys," "He’s actually sweet and soft-spoken," "Sure, his mood swings are more frequent than most people change their socks, but we're the exception..." You'll tell yourself that everyone else is just cynical and judgmental, and you'll keep living that delusion... right up until the moment you finally stop lying to yourself.

That guy doesn't love himself, he doesn't love you, and he certainly doesn't love anyone else!
He is an emotional vampire who has likely sensed a soul in you that he can simply drain of every ounce of life energy.
And honestly, there are probably others besides you... it's highly probable.
If you also happen to have some rather well-founded suspicions that he's using drugs? Well, there it is.

Now, I am not suggesting that former addicts shouldn't be given a second chance—everyone deserves one, naturally.
But you absolutely must maintain a massive distance from them, and ONLY when they PROVE themselves through consistent actions should you allow them even a tiny bit of proximity... because if you don't, he will utterly DESTROY you.
I don't want it to seem like I'm just talking nonsense, so here is the reality: I've been tangled up with an ex-addict for three years now, and while miraculously he isn't using anymore, still...
If he hasn't completely changed, please, just walk away for your own sake... for your future, your youth, and the possibility of finding actual love.
Don't get me wrong, I understand perfectly what you saw in him; it is incredibly magnetic, but it is also damn dangerous.
As I said before, if you truly cannot bring yourself to leave him, then keep him at a significant distance, and only once he has proven his worth through his deeds, let him draw a little closer.😉

All in all, this is a pretty bad post.🙂

What is it about addiction that draws people in so strongly? 😕 😁

wiredharbor22 said:What is it about addiction that draws people in so strongly? 😕 😁

Not all of them are. It’s just those specific types who manage to spin this whole illusion that they’re too fragile, too passionate, or too rebellious to ever settle down into some boring, cookie-cutter suburban life. That’s what draws people in. And once they actually start getting their act together? They become absolutely irresistible. They target these girls who think they can save them with the sheer force of their love... something mystical... something precious... while everyone else just looks on with contempt.
I know this one couple that is basically a walking cliché. He’s an ex-addict who barely made it out alive. Then he meets this girl who worships the ground he walks on, and they get married. His dad basically landed him a job at a local firm to get things moving. Everything starts looking like some cheesy Hallmark movie... except he’s constantly teetering on the edge, just slightly buzzed on booze, cigarettes, and flirting, bragging about his "iron will" because he hasn't touched the hard stuff or cheated yet. Meanwhile, she’s constantly having panic attacks, convinced she’s dying from some rare heart condition that doctors in every hospital in the States can't seem to find.

I think the more interesting question to ask ourselves is this: what is it about addicts that we find so strangely captivating? 😉

brightridge59 said:I think the more interesting question to ask ourselves is this: what is it about addicts that we find so strangely captivating? 😉

Well, you've certainly met me🥳 and I happen to be quite sharp too 😳

🤣 🤣

:love me: 😬

Christian Sanchez4 said:All in all, this is a pretty bad post.🙂

I'm with you.

I find all these self-proclaimed altruists quite fascinating, especially those who seem to have absolutely no connection to actual experience or real-world events.
For instance, if I were just spinning nonsense, there would be both a lioness here and brightridge59 has gone through something similar, so perhaps none of them lose their minds the way I do, though I could also certainly offer my own testimony regarding experiences with former addicts.

Raymond Sanchez7 said:I find all these self-proclaimed altruists quite fascinating, especially those who seem to have absolutely no connection to actual experience or real-world events.
For instance, if I were just spinning nonsense, there would be both a lioness here and brightridge59 has gone through something similar, so perhaps none of them lose their minds the way I do, though I could also certainly offer my own testimony regarding experiences with former addicts.

🙂 Still. You aren't reading this with any actual comprehension.