Best self-help books?

placidranger said:

We’re talking about the subconscious—that non-conscious layer of our total awareness that is just as real as anything else. Every single thing we've ever encountered—every sound, every scent, every lived experience in this life (and maybe others)—is tucked away in there. It's essentially how we exist. It builds our daily reality through memory, logic, emotion, and those automatic reactions we can't seem to stop. Because of this subconscious programming and those deep-seated habits, we end up inviting suffering into our lives—those endless, unresolved cycles—and, frankly, we bear some responsibility for it.

Sure, you could interpret it that way, but no matter how you slice it—thoughts don't actually pull physical objects toward us (unless we're speaking metaphorically).

Well, the question is whether they attract... that is a very thin and dangerous line between magical thinking (psychosis)—the belief that because you waved your hand here, something happened to someone two houses away😉 and other theories that actually hold some weight—that your subconscious patterns pull certain contents into your life that they "require." Not in the sense that you are emitting something radioactive😁 but not strictly through mere thoughts either; it’s more about actions. Or rather, it's at the level of behavior rather than just thought. For instance, someone prone to feeling guilty radiates those vibes quite clearly—and those vibrations usually "attract" someone who enjoys imposing guilt on others. That transmission doesn't even have to be verbal; it can be purely through body language and such...

What irritates me about this whole "self-help" nonsense, and what is particularly damaging, is the idea that one simply needs to "think positively." This isn't just harmful; it's absurd, because for most people, their problems are caused precisely by this unrealistic positive thinking—or what else should we call it😉? Denial. And then you find these groups claiming the power of positive thinking, and honestly, I feel like hitting them over the head☕. While the core concept might be decent, it is completely misinterpreted, and for someone already struggling with themselves, it can lead to even deeper trouble.

Then comes the notion that whatever you think will manifest—often presented in such a banal way—which is a total misinterpretation of a much more complex issue. The reality is that the "power of positive thinking" operates at the conscious level. If your subconscious is still driven by unexamined patterns, you could be thinking positively at a hundred miles an hour on a conscious level, and it won't do a thing to stop you from repeating those same old behavioral loops.
But here we are moving away from the magical idea of attracting bad things via thoughts and approaching subconscious patterns of behavior, action, and cognition, which falls much more under the domain of psychology and psychoanalysis than any mystical science...
Furthermore, this "power of positive thinking" often excludes any form of aggression. It doesn't just exclude it; it denies it. And that isn't just bad; it's dangerous. If we look at it through the lens of psychoanalysis—where every disorder is essentially a form of repression or denial—this becomes extremely hazardous because it encourages further denial and suppression... personally, I would ban such people from writing books.

I mean, in the self-help industry, there are plenty of crazies and unstable individuals out there (charismatic narcissists, sociopaths, or gurus?—that's the question now)😉 so one must know how to separate the wheat from the chaff. You have to keep in mind that certain worldviews are sometimes just convenient ways for someone to justify their own behavior, all while exploiting whatever opportunity they can get.

placidranger said:

We’re talking about the subconscious—that non-conscious layer of our total awareness that is just as real as anything else. Every single thing we've ever encountered—every sound, every scent, every lived experience in this life (and maybe others)—is tucked away in there. It's essentially how we exist. It builds our daily reality through memory, logic, emotion, and those automatic reactions we can't seem to stop. Because of this subconscious programming and those deep-seated habits, we end up inviting suffering into our lives—those endless, unresolved cycles—and, frankly, we bear some responsibility for it.

Sure, you could interpret it that way, but no matter how you slice it—thoughts don't actually pull physical objects toward us (unless we're speaking metaphorically).

Actually, I’d argue thought is more powerful than matter itself. Thought creates matter. No matter how you look at it, thoughts are what draw things toward us—whether it's objects, other ideas, people, or relationships.
You can find this principle echoed in almost every major world religion, from the Bible to Eastern philosophies (it’s the classic "ask and it shall be given" sentiment).
And for instance, electrictiger70 provided a beautiful explanation of this from a psychological perspective.

Now, the fact that your thoughts don't instantly materialize right in front of your eyes the second you think them—which might be why it's hard to wrap your head around—is a completely different conversation.
Just because modern science is still playing catch-up when it comes to explaining these laws doesn't mean they aren't real. A few centuries ago, people would have argued the Earth was a flat disc because they thought they'd fall off the edge if it weren't!

Kyle Lee7 said:Actually, I’d argue thought is more powerful than matter itself. Thought creates matter. No matter how you look at it, thoughts are what draw things toward us—whether it's objects, other ideas, people, or relationships.
You can find this principle echoed in almost every major world religion, from the Bible to Eastern philosophies (it’s the classic "ask and it shall be given" sentiment).
And for instance, electrictiger70 provided a beautiful explanation of this from a psychological perspective.

Now, the fact that your thoughts don't instantly materialize right in front of your eyes the second you think them—which might be why it's hard to wrap your head around—is a completely different conversation.
Just because modern science is still playing catch-up when it comes to explaining these laws doesn't mean they aren't real. A few centuries ago, people would have argued the Earth was a flat disc because they thought they'd fall off the edge if it weren't!

A counterpoint—
what exactly is the distinction between
1. the "thought creates matter" mindset found in primitive magical thinking or narcissistic and schizophrenic disorders—for instance, believing thought creates matter because white elephants have arrived here just for me, or that I can destroy an entire nation with a single thought (magical thinking, such as schizophrenia, for example)
2.
and this more complex version of yours?

Where is the line drawn? 😉

The idea that every single thought manifests physical reality leads straight to mental chaos rather than actual reality. Even if there is some sense to be made of it through popular interpretations or quantum physics regarding how the observer determines the observed, one must remain extremely cautious with such claims...

The boundary lies exactly here: one person can't just stop and declare they see white elephants, expecting them to manifest instantly right before their eyes.

But if you imagine that everything possesses its own unique energy—that thoughts have energy, feelings have energy, and matter itself has energy (or if it’s easier to call it vibration)—then, if you can accept that every vibration attracts another vibration on that same frequency... then you can realize that everything happening in your life is a perfect reflection of your vibrational output.

What happens to you, and what you actually create, is a vibrational match to the thoughts, beliefs, and emotions you are broadcasting (as you mentioned—whether consciously or unconsciously).

People will often argue, "But I developed this specific illness that I never even thought about, nor did I even know existed," or, "It's not like I WANTED this terrible thing to happen to me!"
And you're absolutely right; you might not have even heard of that illness. But on the other hand, if from early childhood you lived in an unstable environment and were raised to "learn" that life is dangerous, that you are susceptible to sickness, that people are out to get you, that there is no way to protect yourself, that you are constantly under attack, or that you're just unlucky... then the events in your life will reflect exactly that. That pattern eventually condenses into a vibrational output, which might manifest as a disease you never even knew was possible.

People also resist this idea because it implies they are responsible for the bad things in their lives, but you shouldn't look at it that way. First off, they aren't "to blame," and they certainly didn't want bad things to happen. However, without even realizing it, they were sending out signals that essentially said: "I am powerless, and the world is a terrifying, dangerous place."
But one day, once you understand how this mechanism works, you realize that from that very second onward, you have freedom and choice.

Of course, regarding what you said about trying to think positively at a hundred miles an hour: if you have deep-seated unconscious emotions, core beliefs, or childhood traumas buried inside, those conscious positive thoughts won't act like a magic wand. However, every single positive thought creates a small shift, which leads to new positive thoughts, which in turn brings further shifts.
The real work is inner work, and let's be honest, it's a lifelong journey.

Most people carry around this messy mix of positive and negative beliefs, and their reality ends up being a direct reflection of that—it’s really just a blend of the good and the bad. For instance, I’ve always held the firm belief that my education and career path will go well, and as long as I maintain that high vibration, I find myself constantly moving upward. Of course, I occasionally get tripped up by sudden waves of doubt or fear, which causes things to slide downhill for a bit. However, because my baseline frequency for my professional life stays so positive, any falls are short and minor, while the progress remains steady. On the flip side, I struggle with some deep-seated negative beliefs regarding my personal life that stem from my early childhood. As long as I’m clinging to those old patterns and mindsets, I find myself stuck in the exact same cycles in my private life.

shadowcrane192 said:Has anyone here actually delved into the titles found in those local bookstores under the "self-help" section? I find myself wondering if any of you have derived genuine value from them, or if it is all merely an exercise in selling smoke and mirrors. If you have encountered anything truly substantive, I would certainly welcome your recommendations.

Every single time I spot one of those titles on a shelf, my mind immediately jumps to some trendy influencer on TV doing a promo with Oprah Winfrey, acting like they personally stumbled upon the secret sauce to solving every single human struggle ever known. 🙄 Sometimes I'll grab one from the library just to skim through and see what the fuss is about, but honestly, I can't bring myself to take them seriously... I genuinely feel like scrolling through the threads on this forum provides way more substance than reading any of those glossy paperbacks. 🙂

We’re all wired differently, and life certainly doesn't follow a straight line... When things were falling apart and I was just trying to keep my head above water, I found myself clinging to these books like they were lifelines. But once the dust settles and everything feels fine again, I tend to drift into that same general state of indifference most people fall into. For me, reading a quick summary was often enough to get by...
A book like anything written by Luisa Hay, for instance.

I honestly don't see how anyone else can step in and fix things for you. At the end of the day, you're the only one who can actually help yourself—but only if you truly have the will to do it.

electrictiger70 said:A counterpoint—
what exactly is the distinction between
1. the "thought creates matter" mindset found in primitive magical thinking or narcissistic and schizophrenic disorders—for instance, believing thought creates matter because white elephants have arrived here just for me, or that I can destroy an entire nation with a single thought (magical thinking, such as schizophrenia, for example)
2.
and this more complex version of yours?

Where is the line drawn? 😉

The idea that every single thought manifests physical reality leads straight to mental chaos rather than actual reality. Even if there is some sense to be made of it through popular interpretations or quantum physics regarding how the observer determines the observed, one must remain extremely cautious with such claims...

Don't go being afraid of quantum physics.
🙂

Dr. Quantum - double slit experiment
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfPeprQ7oGc
😛

For me, the ultimate self-help book is the Bible—specifically the Psalms. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not some religious fanatic or anything. It’s just that there are so many terrible, "instant gratification" American books out there—you know the type, all that "you can do it!" and "just do it!" nonsense. It's mostly just junk. But then you have the actual gems, stuff like anatomy of spirit, Awareness, Toxic Parents, Healing the Soul and Body, and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Sorry if I went a little overboard with the bolded titles—they just felt like one giant wall of text otherwise! I didn't want to clutter things up by typing out all the authors too, just wanted to make sure you guys could actually spot the headings easily.

electrictiger70 Asks:
Honestly, I think Wayne Dyer is a complete fraud. The guy just takes these ancient Taoist tales, twists them around—and from what I’ve seen, he does a pretty terrible job of it—and calls it his own. That's exactly what makes his books so hollow. Honestly, I might just grab an old sackcloth and write my own version of those stories above him. interpretation by electrictiger70—because one day, that just led me straight into self-hanging. And that’s basically the gist of his statement regarding why he took up the profession. All in all—it's pretty straightforward. 👎 Deepak Chopra is just as much of a fraud—but Wayne Dyer actually reminds me of those cheap hacks you see peddling nonsense on local access cable. ☕

Yeah, his recent books are absolute garbage. *How to be a No Limit Person* is from back in the seventies—before he completely lost the plot. Sure, you can catch some hints of rambling here and there, but it’s manageable. He actually used to be a decent psychologist.
Deepak Chopra— 👎

Question—is Psycho-Cybernetics essentially the same thing as NLP? Are we looking at two distinct disciplines here, or just different names for the same concept?

No—this is mostly about self-image.

I’d back Brad Blanton-radical again—hundreds of times if I could. 👍👍 Look, the guy is a legitimate Gestalt psychotherapist—you can tell immediately. This isn't some self-proclaimed guru peddling nonsense; the author actually knows their stuff—at least most of the time.

Look, there’s plenty of actual value buried in the self-help genre—you just have to learn how to separate the wheat from the chaff. Unfortunately, the selection available in most local bookstores around here is hit-or-miss at best; half the stuff on the shelves feels like it was picked by someone who has never actually lived a day in their life. If you have the chance to order through Amazon, do it. It’s worth the wait—you can find just about anything interesting there. Personally, I tend to lean toward the more direct stuff, like Brad Blanton, or the semi-spiritual writers like Alan Watts and Jack Kornfield. Even the latter two can get a bit intense sometimes, but at least they keep one foot on the ground. They aren't just floating around in the clouds like most of those other charlatans out there.

👍

amberbadger8 said:How exactly do you plan on explaining that? 😉

By that logic—if we follow the Law of Attraction—everything that happens is just a direct result of our thoughts. There’s actually a thread somewhere discussing The Secret that mentions the "Levitin paradox": If Joe suddenly comes up behind you and hits you over the head with a stick, do you feel the pain even though you never saw the stick coming and didn't know it existed? (c)baphomet 🙂

Kyle Lee7 said:The boundary lies exactly here: one person can't just stop and declare they see white elephants, expecting them to manifest instantly right before their eyes.

But if you imagine that everything possesses its own unique energy—that thoughts have energy, feelings have energy, and matter itself has energy (or if it’s easier to call it vibration)—then, if you can accept that every vibration attracts another vibration on that same frequency... then you can realize that everything happening in your life is a perfect reflection of your vibrational output.

What happens to you, and what you actually create, is a vibrational match to the thoughts, beliefs, and emotions you are broadcasting (as you mentioned—whether consciously or unconsciously).

People will often argue, "But I developed this specific illness that I never even thought about, nor did I even know existed," or, "It's not like I WANTED this terrible thing to happen to me!"
And you're absolutely right; you might not have even heard of that illness. But on the other hand, if from early childhood you lived in an unstable environment and were raised to "learn" that life is dangerous, that you are susceptible to sickness, that people are out to get you, that there is no way to protect yourself, that you are constantly under attack, or that you're just unlucky... then the events in your life will reflect exactly that. That pattern eventually condenses into a vibrational output, which might manifest as a disease you never even knew was possible.

People also resist this idea because it implies they are responsible for the bad things in their lives, but you shouldn't look at it that way. First off, they aren't "to blame," and they certainly didn't want bad things to happen. However, without even realizing it, they were sending out signals that essentially said: "I am powerless, and the world is a terrifying, dangerous place."
But one day, once you understand how this mechanism works, you realize that from that very second onward, you have freedom and choice.

Of course, regarding what you said about trying to think positively at a hundred miles an hour: if you have deep-seated unconscious emotions, core beliefs, or childhood traumas buried inside, those conscious positive thoughts won't act like a magic wand. However, every single positive thought creates a small shift, which leads to new positive thoughts, which in turn brings further shifts.
The real work is inner work, and let's be honest, it's a lifelong journey.

I think we need to emphasize certain points here... it holds true that some of your thoughts or unconscious patterns might eventually lead to an energetic blockage or physical illness because the psyche and the body are not separate. However, saying that simply learning life is dangerous will cause you to contract a specific disease feels like a bit of an overreach to me. I understand your point, but I think you are exaggerating, primarily because the implications of your claim are extreme and parts of the logic don't quite hold up—this whole quantum physics angle isn't that simple. For instance, what about those people who do terrible things and think terrible things every day, yet nothing bad seems to happen to them? That’s where the error lies from the start: what we are discussing isn't just "thoughts," it is unconscious belief patterns. Saying thoughts shape the world is not the same as saying unconscious belief patterns shape the world.

People also resist this idea because it would imply they are responsible for the bad things in their lives, but that shouldn't be viewed that way. First off, they aren't "to blame" and they didn't desire for bad things to occur, but they were—unbeknownst to them—sending out signals that say: I am powerless, and the world is a terrifying and dangerous place.
But one day, when you realize how this works, you realize that from that moment on, you have freedom and choice.

Of course, as you noted, you can try to think positively at a hundred miles an hour, but if deep down you harbor unconscious emotions, beliefs, or childhood traumas, those conscious positive thoughts won't act like a magic wand. However, every single positive thought does bring a slight shift, which leads to new positive thoughts, which brings further shifts.
The real work is on oneself, and that is a lifelong endeavor.

I agree with your line of reasoning, but I would still choose to swap "positive thinking" for the underlying belief patterns behind those thoughts... And that is why this entire psychology of "positive thinking" doesn't work at all; you can hardly address unconscious patterns through conscious positive thinking. It's been tested, and it's ineffective.🤣, the best possible outcome when you find yourself in this position is simply negation.
If we are discussing the process of becoming aware of the underlying belief patterns that drive our thoughts, then we are dealing with an entirely different matter altogether 👍

Kyle Lee7 said:Most people carry around this messy mix of positive and negative beliefs, and their reality ends up being a direct reflection of that—it’s really just a blend of the good and the bad. For instance, I’ve always held the firm belief that my education and career path will go well, and as long as I maintain that high vibration, I find myself constantly moving upward. Of course, I occasionally get tripped up by sudden waves of doubt or fear, which causes things to slide downhill for a bit. However, because my baseline frequency for my professional life stays so positive, any falls are short and minor, while the progress remains steady. On the flip side, I struggle with some deep-seated negative beliefs regarding my personal life that stem from my early childhood. As long as I’m clinging to those old patterns and mindsets, I find myself stuck in the exact same cycles in my private life.

I agree with that point...

Anthony Bailey said:Don't go being afraid of quantum physics.
🙂

Dr. Quantum - double slit experiment
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfPeprQ7oGc
😛

I am not afraid of quantum physics. You completely misunderstood my point. I was simply saying that within the specific context of quantum mechanics—where the idea that you get what you seek, or that reality itself depends entirely on the observer, actually holds weight...

placidranger said:

electrictiger70 Asks:
Honestly, I think Wayne Dyer is a complete fraud. The guy just takes these ancient Taoist tales, twists them around—and from what I’ve seen, he does a pretty terrible job of it—and calls it his own. That's exactly what makes his books so hollow. Honestly, I might just grab an old sackcloth and write my own version of those stories above him. interpretation by electrictiger70—because one day, that just led me straight into self-hanging. And that’s basically the gist of his statement regarding why he took up the profession. All in all—it's pretty straightforward. 👎 Deepak Chopra is just as much of a fraud—but Wayne Dyer actually reminds me of those cheap hacks you see peddling nonsense on local access cable. ☕

Yeah, his recent books are absolute garbage. *How to be a No Limit Person* is from back in the seventies—before he completely lost the plot. Sure, you can catch some hints of rambling here and there, but it’s manageable. He actually used to be a decent psychologist.
Deepak Chopra— 👎

Question—is Psycho-Cybernetics essentially the same thing as NLP? Are we looking at two distinct disciplines here, or just different names for the same concept?

No—this is mostly about self-image.

I’d back Brad Blanton-radical again—hundreds of times if I could. 👍👍 Look, the guy is a legitimate Gestalt psychotherapist—you can tell immediately. This isn't some self-proclaimed guru peddling nonsense; the author actually knows their stuff—at least most of the time.

Look, there’s plenty of actual value buried in the self-help genre—you just have to learn how to separate the wheat from the chaff. Unfortunately, the selection available in most local bookstores around here is hit-or-miss at best; half the stuff on the shelves feels like it was picked by someone who has never actually lived a day in their life. If you have the chance to order through Amazon, do it. It’s worth the wait—you can find just about anything interesting there. Personally, I tend to lean toward the more direct stuff, like Brad Blanton, or the semi-spiritual writers like Alan Watts and Jack Kornfield. Even the latter two can get a bit intense sometimes, but at least they keep one foot on the ground. They aren't just floating around in the clouds like most of those other charlatans out there.

👍

He was a psychologist? 😲 Well, look where that gets you... 🤣

No, this is mostly about self-image.

Is it an e-book? If I send you my email via PM, could you send it over? :blink,blink: I would really love to finally wrap my head around what this is all about and how it actually differs from NLP.

Kyle Lee7 said:Actually, I’d argue thought is more powerful than matter itself. Thought creates matter. No matter how you look at it, thoughts are what draw things toward us—whether it's objects, other ideas, people, or relationships.
You can find this principle echoed in almost every major world religion, from the Bible to Eastern philosophies (it’s the classic "ask and it shall be given" sentiment).
And for instance, electrictiger70 provided a beautiful explanation of this from a psychological perspective.

Now, the fact that your thoughts don't instantly materialize right in front of your eyes the second you think them—which might be why it's hard to wrap your head around—is a completely different conversation.
Just because modern science is still playing catch-up when it comes to explaining these laws doesn't mean they aren't real. A few centuries ago, people would have argued the Earth was a flat disc because they thought they'd fall off the edge if it weren't!

Thoughts shape subjective reality—but they have zero impact on objective reality. There's still no proof that thought influences physical matter, despite countless attempts to prove otherwise. Just because religions claim something doesn't make it true.

The fact that your thoughts don't physically manifest right in front of your eyes the moment you think them—which is why you can't wrap your head around it—is a completely different issue altogether.
And just because modern science is struggling to explain these laws doesn't mean they don't exist.

A few centuries ago, people like you were arguing that the Country was a flat disc, simply because you thought we'd all fall off if it weren't.

Actually, it's the exact opposite—what you're describing is an ancient dogma, essentially the equivalent of believing the Earth is flat. Both are nothing more than unverified convictions.

feraltrucker5 said:Every single time I spot one of those titles on a shelf, my mind immediately jumps to some trendy influencer on TV doing a promo with Oprah Winfrey, acting like they personally stumbled upon the secret sauce to solving every single human struggle ever known. 🙄 Sometimes I'll grab one from the library just to skim through and see what the fuss is about, but honestly, I can't bring myself to take them seriously... I genuinely feel like scrolling through the threads on this forum provides way more substance than reading any of those glossy paperbacks. 🙂

Offt:
"Occasionally," huh? Look, Nex, it's fine, 🙂 there's no need to be embarrassed. You can just admit that you actually swallow everything those authors write and occasionally tune into Oprah too. This is a Psychology thread; we allow even more blunt confessions here than people do in the US. 😂 From "I can't find a partner" to "I am hitting my head against a wall," provided you include the mandatory disclaimer of "occasionally" or "I have a friend who does that," depending on which version makes you feel more comfortable. 🤣

Jonathan Kelly33 said:For me, the ultimate self-help book is the Bible—specifically the Psalms. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not some religious fanatic or anything. It’s just that there are so many terrible, "instant gratification" American books out there—you know the type, all that "you can do it!" and "just do it!" nonsense. It's mostly just junk. But then you have the actual gems, stuff like anatomy of spirit, Awareness, Toxic Parents, Healing the Soul and Body, and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Caroline Myss's anatomy of spirit is a little pathetic and overly sentimental in an American way, but it’s actually good. It’s especially useful when someone has been struggling with a chronic illness for years without understanding the cause; modern medicine often completely overlooks the mind-body connection.
As for Consciousness—is that by Mel? That one is alright. Toxic Parents is pretty infuriating; it’s helpful to understand the mechanics of it, but honestly, who wouldn't want to strangle their own parents after reading it? 🤣 I haven't read the others.