Feeling like a total failure

Linda Diaz3 said:I don't want to sound like a know-it-all since I'm still just a high school student myself, but I’m actually dealing with something very similar:
I just finished my sophomore year, and while my grades have stayed pretty solid at straight A's, I absolutely loathe this school because my parents were the ones who forced me into it.
My heart was set on a liberal arts high school because that’s where my passions lie, but my mom insisted on a pre-med track because she’s convinced it’s the only way to ensure a stable career, a high salary, and constant respect in the community... and honestly, what am I supposed to do about my interest in the humanities?
I despise being here with everything in me; it has pushed me toward an eating disorder, deep depression, and lately, I’ve even had thoughts of ending it all.....

In theory, you're supposed to just ignore all the nonsense and follow your dreams, BUT, there's always that huge "but"................ I just don't know

Look, don't let this weigh you down quite so much, because once you're through with high school, you can totally pivot to language studies or whatever else you're actually into. It’s really not the end of the world, seriously. My sister went through vocational training, then did business studies, and now she's studying Japanese. And yeah, she's already halfway through her junior year of college and things aren't exactly perfect—we lived in Germany for a while, so you know how it goes, you have to understand the bigger picture here.
You're still young, and while high school matters, it doesn't dictate your entire career path—not even close. After any kind of schooling, you can find work basically anywhere if you try hard enough.
Plus, I honestly think some of the knowledge you pick up in that pre-med track might actually come in handy later on...🙂

As for the eating disorder stuff, though... please, talk to someone, get professional help, or whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.

It’s easy to say, "just change something." But there’s always some massive complication standing in the way. I ended up enrolling in pre-law, and that’s what I’m stuck studying right now, even though I couldn't care less about it and can't see myself ever being an attorney. I tell myself there are other career paths you can take with this degree, but it’s a hollow consolation. I always wanted to go into architecture, but I never picked up a drafting pencil, my math and physics grades were mediocre at best, and let's not even get started on how cutthroat the admissions process is for those programs. Even if I tried now, it feels too late—not to mention my parents definitely wouldn't foot the bill for tuition after I blew my chance by picking law in the first place. So, I gave up. Since I had to pick something, I landed here. I'm struggling through it because, besides the lack of interest, I'm just not the type to pull all-nighters in the library.
I thought about transferring, but I've already wasted a few years on that idea. What am I supposed to do? Wait another year for entrance exams only to potentially get rejected from every other school? Honestly, I don't even know anymore. My drive for anything else has completely evaporated, including that old dream of architecture. I've looked into options, but none of the art schools seem like they'd offer any real stability. Long story short: I'm not doing what I love, and I probably never will.

I finished my Master’s, but now I don't have a dime set aside for a PhD.🤷 It’s funny how life works out sometimes—you find yourself wishing you could just swap places with someone else for a moment, just to see what it feels like.😵
Getting through my Master’s thesis was an absolute uphill battle; I struggled so much just trying to access full academic papers. Since I’m not affiliated with a major university, I don't have access to half the databases I actually need.😢 And oh, the things I want to look into!🙂 I had such big dreams of conducting research and writing papers... but reality usually has other plans, doesn't it? 😢

Maybe you’re just burnt out. Sometimes when you're completely overextended, everything starts looking a lot bleaker than it actually is. Or maybe you're hitting that mid-life realization where you feel like you've already hit your ceiling, and it all just piles up at once.🤷

How are things at home? Honestly, grab your partner's hand and just get out of town for the weekend. Or better yet, take some vacation time, head down to Maui, and just focus on being creative. Sketch, paint, do some 3D modeling—just find a way to recharge those batteries.🙂

It feels like everyone is struggling lately. So many people I know are going through their own personal crises right now.

James Allen6 said:A lot of people find themselves in a similar situation to yours.
I suppose you shouldn't let all of this weigh on you quite so heavily, mostly because your life isn't actually in a bad place, and I think it’s important to keep that in mind.
My own parents tend to view the arts through the lens of "you can't pay the rent with that," but if you feel certain about your path, maybe you should take the leap and head in a different direction.

If I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't make any radical moves just yet, since financial security carries so much weight in today's world.
However, I wouldn't neglect the things that truly fulfill me and feed my soul either.
As a teaching assistant or a professor at a university, you'll likely have plenty of free time for your hobbies. Since you're still at the beginning of your career, things might feel more difficult now, but once you earn your credentials, you'll have much more time to dedicate to your art.
I guess you should just be patient until you've secured a steady job, and then you can pursue what actually makes you happy.
Life is long. Have patience.

Looks like we've got two totally different schools of thought here. Some of you think you should go all in, while others say you need to balance your passions against reality...

I actually stumbled upon this site that breaks down how to pull off a career pivot... http://www.quintcareers.com/career_change.html

Guess I'm not the only one overthinking this...

Gerald Jones3 said:It’s easy to say, "just change something." But there’s always some massive complication standing in the way. I ended up enrolling in pre-law, and that’s what I’m stuck studying right now, even though I couldn't care less about it and can't see myself ever being an attorney. I tell myself there are other career paths you can take with this degree, but it’s a hollow consolation. I always wanted to go into architecture, but I never picked up a drafting pencil, my math and physics grades were mediocre at best, and let's not even get started on how cutthroat the admissions process is for those programs. Even if I tried now, it feels too late—not to mention my parents definitely wouldn't foot the bill for tuition after I blew my chance by picking law in the first place. So, I gave up. Since I had to pick something, I landed here. I'm struggling through it because, besides the lack of interest, I'm just not the type to pull all-nighters in the library.
I thought about transferring, but I've already wasted a few years on that idea. What am I supposed to do? Wait another year for entrance exams only to potentially get rejected from every other school? Honestly, I don't even know anymore. My drive for anything else has completely evaporated, including that old dream of architecture. I've looked into options, but none of the art schools seem like they'd offer any real stability. Long story short: I'm not doing what I love, and I probably never will.

I felt pretty much the same way when I was retaking my sophomore year... So, how's it going now? Am I back at square one at some other university?

But you know what? Maybe I should have done it. (Though saying that ten years later feels a lot easier than it actually was...)

Gerald Jones3 said:It’s easy to say, "just change something." But there’s always some massive complication standing in the way. I ended up enrolling in pre-law, and that’s what I’m stuck studying right now, even though I couldn't care less about it and can't see myself ever being an attorney. I tell myself there are other career paths you can take with this degree, but it’s a hollow consolation. I always wanted to go into architecture, but I never picked up a drafting pencil, my math and physics grades were mediocre at best, and let's not even get started on how cutthroat the admissions process is for those programs. Even if I tried now, it feels too late—not to mention my parents definitely wouldn't foot the bill for tuition after I blew my chance by picking law in the first place. So, I gave up. Since I had to pick something, I landed here. I'm struggling through it because, besides the lack of interest, I'm just not the type to pull all-nighters in the library.
I thought about transferring, but I've already wasted a few years on that idea. What am I supposed to do? Wait another year for entrance exams only to potentially get rejected from every other school? Honestly, I don't even know anymore. My drive for anything else has completely evaporated, including that old dream of architecture. I've looked into options, but none of the art schools seem like they'd offer any real stability. Long story short: I'm not doing what I love, and I probably never will.

You sound like you're having a harder time than I did. Give me a little optimism here—you're only in your early twenties. Look at me: 32 years old, two kids, a mother-in-law in the guest room, and an endless PhD dissertation.

Larry Lewis2 said:I finished my Master’s, but now I don't have a dime set aside for a PhD.🤷 It’s funny how life works out sometimes—you find yourself wishing you could just swap places with someone else for a moment, just to see what it feels like.😵
Getting through my Master’s thesis was an absolute uphill battle; I struggled so much just trying to access full academic papers. Since I’m not affiliated with a major university, I don't have access to half the databases I actually need.😢 And oh, the things I want to look into!🙂 I had such big dreams of conducting research and writing papers... but reality usually has other plans, doesn't it? 😢

Maybe you’re just burnt out. Sometimes when you're completely overextended, everything starts looking a lot bleaker than it actually is. Or maybe you're hitting that mid-life realization where you feel like you've already hit your ceiling, and it all just piles up at once.🤷

How are things at home? Honestly, grab your partner's hand and just get out of town for the weekend. Or better yet, take some vacation time, head down to Maui, and just focus on being creative. Sketch, paint, do some 3D modeling—just find a way to recharge those batteries.🙂

It feels like everyone is struggling lately. So many people I know are going through their own personal crises right now.

Sometimes all this research feels like a total scam. All the charts are just rigged to make my boss look good. Honestly, there’s barely any difference between five of his papers—just moving empty data from one pile to another. One study uses 57% ethanol, the next uses 53%. It's all just filler to pad a resume.

My old man decided to head back to college at 43.
He’d finally had enough after two decades of staring at spreadsheets in some cubicle—just total burnout. He enrolled in a part-time program about sixty miles away, knocked everything out right on schedule, and now he's hunting for a new gig. He worked full-time while studying, too; managed to cut a deal with his manager to flex his hours and make up the time later.

That whole "it's too late" narrative? It's complete nonsense.
edit:
I suppose—and I hate to say this—it probably helped him that he doesn't have his own father hovering over him anymore, criticizing every move or trying to dictate his life.

Samuel Phillips2 said:I felt pretty much the same way when I was retaking my sophomore year... So, how's it going now? Am I back at square one at some other university?

But you know what? Maybe I should have done it. (Though saying that ten years later feels a lot easier than it actually was...)

You sound like you're having a harder time than I did. Give me a little optimism here—you're only in your early twenties. Look at me: 32 years old, two kids, a mother-in-law in the guest room, and an endless PhD dissertation.

Great 😢. Especially when things are already this messy. I wouldn't even have the cash for a second degree. I'd have to work just to pay tuition, which means failing out of my current classes anyway—not to mention I probably wouldn't even get in. It would be a total waste of time working toward something I can't even start. I'd just be losing on both ends.
Dammit, I'm such a pessimist 😢

If only I could find some joy in the right... hm... let me go grab a beer😬

At least I actually know how to put one together—a legitimate, high-quality article—and if I could just get my hands on those full-text archives, I’d be diving straight into my PhD 😢

Hang on a second, though. Who is actually publishing this stuff? Isn't it standard practice to provide some kind of fresh scientific insight if you want a top-tier journal to even look at your work? Or am I just being incredibly naive here? 😢

Bah... changes are barely even noticeable. You won't see any real shift for maybe 10 or 15 years—which is why you actually have to bother reading reviews.

So, what area are we even talking about here?

placidranger said:My old man decided to head back to college at 43.
He’d finally had enough after two decades of staring at spreadsheets in some cubicle—just total burnout. He enrolled in a part-time program about sixty miles away, knocked everything out right on schedule, and now he's hunting for a new gig. He worked full-time while studying, too; managed to cut a deal with his manager to flex his hours and make up the time later.

That whole "it's too late" narrative? It's complete nonsense.
edit:
I suppose—and I hate to say this—it probably helped him that he doesn't have his own father hovering over him anymore, criticizing every move or trying to dictate his life.

Good for him. 👍

this dump, genius😬 either kill me now or let's just pack up and move to the suburbs😘

Samuel Phillips2 said:Good for him. 👍

I agree.
First off, switching careers isn't nearly as rare in the States as people think.
Second—and this is the big one—everyone is constantly chasing parental approval and looking for that validation. It’s a universal human drive, sure, but once you actually sit down and weigh your priorities against your values, personal fulfillment and finding actual meaning always come first. You'll find yourself staring at your own reflection in the mirror far more often than you'll be looking for your father's nod of approval.

placidranger said:I agree.
First off, switching careers isn't nearly as rare in the States as people think.
Second—and this is the big one—everyone is constantly chasing parental approval and looking for that validation. It’s a universal human drive, sure, but once you actually sit down and weigh your priorities against your values, personal fulfillment and finding actual meaning always come first. You'll find yourself staring at your own reflection in the mirror far more often than you'll be looking for your father's nod of approval.

Well put.

placidranger said:I agree.
First off, switching careers isn't nearly as rare in the States as people think.
Second—and this is the big one—everyone is constantly chasing parental approval and looking for that validation. It’s a universal human drive, sure, but once you actually sit down and weigh your priorities against your values, personal fulfillment and finding actual meaning always come first. You'll find yourself staring at your own reflection in the mirror far more often than you'll be looking for your father's nod of approval.

I don't know, I might disagree. Change isn't even common; honestly, any kind of pivot is still terrifying in America. Society here is pretty stuck in its ways—it's improving, sure, but incredibly slowly. If you deviate from what most people value, you're basically asking for social backlash in one form or another. And men seem to have it easier; when it comes to being "indecisive," women get judged a bit differently. 😉
Most Americans don't want change. Most people won't even leave their hometown for a better job, let alone retrain for a new career... those who actually want to shake things up are in the minority.
Anyway, good on the old guy for having the guts. 🙏

Samuel Phillips2 said:Do what? I'm stuck in Chicago for work four days a week—then I spend the other three back home with family. I can't exactly spend my time off out in the garage hacking away at some firewood.

Of course you can.

It’s like having a long-distance relationship where you only get three days to visit.

If there's any spark left—if there's actual passion, if you truly love it, if your soul just craves the act of creation, and if you're one of those dreamers and artists who feels restless without an outlet—then

OF COURSE YOU CAN

carve out a few hours every single day.
And if you can't make it work during the day,
you can do it at night,
or in the quiet moments early in the morning.

Starting with small steps is how you begin a transformation that could take you anywhere. I know a biochemist who spends her free time painting in her garage. Over time, she developed this incredibly delicate, hyper-realistic style. Then, quite by chance, she met a gallery owner from New York City. He buys everything she produces. Depending on the size, she gets anywhere from $600 to $1,000 per piece. He charges a premium for them, of course—but what she does isn't just a hobby anymore, and she still manages to balance her lab work, motherhood, and running a household.

So yes, you absolutely CAN. You're just getting in your own way.

I'm with Jeremy Palmer on this one... I won't even bother quoting 👍

Thinking back, I can still recall another perfect example—that unstoppable, almost manic passion for art that just won't quit.

A friend of mine has three little kids, but she managed to turn one of her rooms into a full-on studio, painting whenever she could catch a spare second.

With toddlers running around, enrolling in a traditional fine arts program wasn't really an option, so she found this online academy based out of the UK. The setup was actually pretty impressive: they provide structured assignments, reading lists, and mentorship, and then you study, practice, and paint following their specific guidance. You take photos of your work or mail physical pieces to them, and after about three years of hard work, she officially earned her degree.

Nowadays, she’s actually exhibiting her work, and I see her listed in exhibition catalogs as a graduate of a prestigious academy in New York City (it never mentions it was through a correspondence program). But honestly, the technicality of the diploma isn't the point; what matters is that through her relationship with those mentors, she truly matured as an artist, sharpened her skills, and started selling her pieces...

So, hey, if a mom juggling three kids and a career can pull it off, there’s no excuse for you!

Maybe you'll catch a little spark of excitement right at the finish line of your PhD.—it happens more often than you'd think.
It’s still a massive win, even if it doesn't feel quite as fulfilling as you expected.
Just try to appreciate where you are—so many people never even get the chance to go to college, let alone earn a doctorate.
Honestly, how many people actually get everything they ever wanted? Maybe we only feel empty because we finally have nothing left to chase.🤷

Samuel Phillips2 said:I realized while working in the molecular biology lab that this field just isn't for me—but I’ve been white-knuckling it this far. Everyone kept telling me to just finish what I started... So many years wasted, when my heart was always pulling me toward painting, sculpting, and all those "childish" pursuits. I ended up enrolling in a PhD program just because everyone else was doing it—it felt like the only way to avoid being stuck as a high school teacher forever.😢
Even when I manage to scrape by on an exam or a term paper, the whole thing just crushes me. I feel like I'm going to snap.

I'm drifting further and further away from what actually matters to me. What kills me most is knowing I actually have talent—some of my amateur sculptures have even gotten praise—but I'm past thirty now. I've got a wife and kids to think about, so I need a paycheck. I hate my job, and honestly, I hate myself for being such a coward. Now I don't even have the time to take a class, and I definitely don't have the expertise required for AT&T 🤷

I want to switch careers, but I'm terrified it's too late and that I've already blown my shot at life.
Sometimes I think about just running away... but then I think about being broke... and about my kids, who'll end up being teased by their classmates for having a "starving artist" dad.

I was always the star student, and my parents are so proud of their future PhD, but underneath it all, I'm just filled with self-loathing. I know deep down that as a scientist, I'm a total zero and just lazy. I read research papers without understanding them and without any passion. I loathe it. I hate the lab. Even the people there—the ones who are actually upbeat and hardworking—aren't bad people. But I despise them; I subconsciously resent them for my own failures. It drives me crazy seeing them do better than me.

I want to work, and I have the energy and the drive, just not for pipettes and microscopes. Not for writing abstracts or running statistical tests.

Please—give me some advice, because if I keep going like this, this frustration is going to permanently kill my spirit and my will to live.

You finished your degree, whatever it was, and that's already a huge advantage. You're probably just feeling burnt out right now. Since your artistic side won't necessarily pay the bills, you'll have to do something more practical. I think that should eventually just become a hobby for you.
You don't even have to work in your field; for instance, someone with a chemistry degree might work in real estate or office administration. If you knew at the start of college that you didn't like it, you could have dropped out and applied for something else.
You shouldn't always listen to what people tell you; you have to make your own decisions.