Feeling like a total failure

Samuel Miller21 said:Samuel Miller21, have you ever considered opening your own career counseling practice for people struggling with their professional direction? I have a strong feeling you would truly excel at it. 😍 😉

Is that so? Well, once I finally sort out my own professional path and get my life together, I might consider it—provided that "career coaching" actually becomes my niche. 😂

mistybison said:That is absolutely true! I once held a job that I truly loathed, and it made me resent my colleagues, myself, and honestly, the whole world. If I had tried to just "accept my fate," I wouldn't have lasted more than three days before breaking down and crying for an hour straight, thinking how I'd rather be starving than face that office again. Just thinking about it now! 😢 And then there was the constant commentary from everyone around me: "A job is just a job," "Think of all the people who would kill for your position," "Look at all the benefits you have," "Money is what matters," "What else would you do? So many people are unemployed," "Just be grateful you have something," or "Even John and Lazarus 😬 are thrilled with their roles, yet here you are complaining." It was all just different versions of the same dismissive attitude. 😁 Consequently, I had to pretend to be fine both at the office and in my private life. I could only breathe when I was alone; the rest of the time, I was essentially living a lie. 😢

No amount of money can motivate me enough to endure something that goes against my very core. I wish it were different—life would certainly be easier. I truly envy those who can feel and think that way! 😢 I also admire anyone who carries a genuine passion within them, much like a dedicated hobbyist. If I possessed that kind of drive, I know I would move heaven and earth to achieve it. 🙂

Regarding the topic, you haven't wasted your life. 🙂 You’ve gained a fascinating experience and significant knowledge that will likely influence your new career path: life follows unpredictable routes, sometimes circling back to things we thought we left behind, just in a different form. There is a new passion waiting for you that deserves your full commitment. Don't push it away; stay involved, even if it starts as a hobby like sculpting. New opportunities will emerge once you take that first step. 🙂 If you deny that part of yourself, you'll end up feeling like a zombie, just going through the motions while life becomes increasingly hollow. Don't settle for merely surviving when you have the chance to truly live. 🙂

Exactly. Living someone else's life instead of your own will always catch up to you eventually. People might call you "selfish," but you are being selfish toward yourself and others if you don't choose what brings you joy. You cannot give anything meaningful to others if you are rotting from the inside.
👍👍 🙏 Enchantress, you have such a beautiful way of expressing yourself. After reading your posts, I always find myself feeling inspired. I am not sure why, but I do. 🤣

Samuel Miller21 said:My internet cut out on me this morning, so I didn't get a chance to tell you how much I appreciated your words. You truly managed to comfort me—and honestly, you even put a smile on my face. 😘
Thank you.

Honestly, I don't really care if my car breaks down or gets totaled. I’m not exactly the type of person who obsesses over technical specs or demands high-performance engineering. As long as it gets me from point A to point B, I'm satisfied. 😁Honestly, I sometimes find myself wishing I could just be tucked away in an intensive care unit somewhere, maybe with a medical wrap over my mouth so I wouldn't even have to deal with the burden of answering questions. Wouldn't it be something? To simply lie there, existing in a state of total stillness, just vegetating until the world around me finally shifts into something different.
Or perhaps it is simply my own attempt to find a justification for being lazy.
I felt a wave of embarrassment this morning when I realized my last post sounded so incredibly dark... please believe me when I say I’m not actually in that headspace. Writing those kinds of things is just how I process stress and try to find some sense of calm. Still, it feels a bit heavy to look back on. To make matters worse, I ended up failing another exam, so I think I’ll give myself permission to wallow just a little bit today. I am officially postponing all self-control until tomorrow; today, I'm just letting myself feel the weight of it all.

At the very least, you have managed to forge a single association with the concept of fairness that isn't steeped in nothing but shame and guilt. 😘

Quincy:

So, what is your major? You mentioned that you see yourself reflected in the opening post; does that imply you have a completely different set of interests—perhaps an affinity for the arts as well? It’s funny how things work out. I went ahead and enrolled in exactly what I thought I wanted—Computer Science at MIT—thinking it was my true calling. Yet, even that didn't bring me any sense of fulfillment. Now, looking back, I feel like I'm losing interest in that field entirely. Reading this introductory post, I almost find myself envying the author. Sure, the path isn't easy, but at least there is some semblance of passion involved. There are plenty of obstacles to face, certainly—but isn't it actually worse when you become completely indifferent, where nothing seems to pull at you anymore?

And I am the computer science department.

My interests lie elsewhere, and I'm honestly not quite sure if I could even classify what I do as art. I write certain things, though I struggle to decide whether they truly qualify as poetry or if they fall into a different category altogether. 😁
To be honest, poetry just isn't how I define myself. I don't look at my own work and see someone like Sylvia Plath or anything of that caliber; I simply don't feel that level of creative abundance within me. 😁 In order to truly be perceived as a potential artist, perhaps even a poet, one must consider what is required to inhabit that identity authentically. Is it enough to simply possess the inclination, or does one need to cultivate a certain presence? To be taken seriously in those creative circles, there is an art to how one presents their soul to the world.
Perhaps I should view this as a facet of my own identity that I am compelled to weave into something greater. It is, quite frankly, the most intense passion I possess. There is this profound, driving desire to truly grasp the human condition—specifically when navigating the complexities of mental health and psychological struggles. This pull toward psychology and its various analytical branches isn't just an interest; it is a fundamental part of who I am.
I have recently found myself quite fascinated by astrology—though I am fully aware that such an interest might cause me to lose some standing in the eyes of the rationalists among us. 😳Even without any grounding in actual reality, I find the whole concept absolutely fascinating. There is something deeply captivating about such an ancient way of interpreting the human condition—it represents perhaps the most complex system of personality typing ever devised. To me, it isn't really about using it as some sort of predictive tool; rather, I see it as an inexhaustible collection of symbols, a truly remarkable architecture of the human psyche.
If I were to distill everything we’ve discussed into a single concept, I would point toward psychology—specifically, something akin to a psychoanalytic approach.
That is more or less my take, 🙂

Regarding that final point you made, a close friend of mine actually said something very similar... there is a certain happiness found in knowing there is an underlying force pulling at you, but I am not entirely sure. It also seems to trigger this sense of hysteria or suffocation; you find yourself physically doing one thing while your mind is occupied by another, eventually resulting in complete paralysis and total resignation.

As for you, I get the distinct impression that you have the potential to be a philosopher. I have gathered the sense that you genuinely relish these philosophical debates, and you possess a rather divergent way of thinking—one where a single starting point can blossom into a vast array of potential questions. I don't know... I certainly wouldn't claim to be an expert capable of offering a truly competent critique, but that is simply my impression. 🤷

Oh, and if you ever decide to work on that little gadget again, perhaps you could integrate a function for a painless shutdown... (unless I am being too dark here) just a way to facilitate a temporary shutdown.
It would save him from having to loop endlessly while dealing with those "index was out of range" errors and similar exceptions.

I also thought Apement was a philosopher; his way of expressing himself and his reasoning is definitely philosophical. 😲 👍
And this is just adorable 😍, can I be the maid of honor when you two finally meet—whether you meet fairly or not, with fairness or without it, amidst all the philosophy, psychology, astrology, and whatever else is required? 😍 🤣
(p.s. I promise there won't be anything involving 0s and 1s at the wedding, just songs, astrology, philosophy, the human soul, psychology... personally, I'll be writing verses on the walls and philosophical quotes—ah 😍🤣)
I'm joking around a bit, but seriously, you two are quite sweet. 😍

Samuel Miller21 said:My internet cut out on me this morning, so I didn't get a chance to tell you how much I appreciated your words. You truly managed to comfort me—and honestly, you even put a smile on my face. 😘
Thank you.

Honestly, I don't really care if my car breaks down or gets totaled. I’m not exactly the type of person who obsesses over technical specs or demands high-performance engineering. As long as it gets me from point A to point B, I'm satisfied. 😁Honestly, I sometimes find myself wishing I could just be tucked away in an intensive care unit somewhere, maybe with a medical wrap over my mouth so I wouldn't even have to deal with the burden of answering questions. Wouldn't it be something? To simply lie there, existing in a state of total stillness, just vegetating until the world around me finally shifts into something different.
Or perhaps it is simply my own attempt to find a justification for being lazy.
I felt a wave of embarrassment this morning when I realized my last post sounded so incredibly dark... please believe me when I say I’m not actually in that headspace. Writing those kinds of things is just how I process stress and try to find some sense of calm. Still, it feels a bit heavy to look back on. To make matters worse, I ended up failing another exam, so I think I’ll give myself permission to wallow just a little bit today. I am officially postponing all self-control until tomorrow; today, I'm just letting myself feel the weight of it all.

At the very least, you have managed to forge a single association with the concept of fairness that isn't steeped in nothing but shame and guilt. 😘

Quincy:

So, what is your major? You mentioned that you see yourself reflected in the opening post; does that imply you have a completely different set of interests—perhaps an affinity for the arts as well? It’s funny how things work out. I went ahead and enrolled in exactly what I thought I wanted—Computer Science at MIT—thinking it was my true calling. Yet, even that didn't bring me any sense of fulfillment. Now, looking back, I feel like I'm losing interest in that field entirely. Reading this introductory post, I almost find myself envying the author. Sure, the path isn't easy, but at least there is some semblance of passion involved. There are plenty of obstacles to face, certainly—but isn't it actually worse when you become completely indifferent, where nothing seems to pull at you anymore?

And I am the computer science department.

My interests lie elsewhere, and I'm honestly not quite sure if I could even classify what I do as art. I write certain things, though I struggle to decide whether they truly qualify as poetry or if they fall into a different category altogether. 😁
To be honest, poetry just isn't how I define myself. I don't look at my own work and see someone like Sylvia Plath or anything of that caliber; I simply don't feel that level of creative abundance within me. 😁 In order to truly be perceived as a potential artist, perhaps even a poet, one must consider what is required to inhabit that identity authentically. Is it enough to simply possess the inclination, or does one need to cultivate a certain presence? To be taken seriously in those creative circles, there is an art to how one presents their soul to the world.
Perhaps I should view this as a facet of my own identity that I am compelled to weave into something greater. It is, quite frankly, the most intense passion I possess. There is this profound, driving desire to truly grasp the human condition—specifically when navigating the complexities of mental health and psychological struggles. This pull toward psychology and its various analytical branches isn't just an interest; it is a fundamental part of who I am.
I have recently found myself quite fascinated by astrology—though I am fully aware that such an interest might cause me to lose some standing in the eyes of the rationalists among us. 😳Even without any grounding in actual reality, I find the whole concept absolutely fascinating. There is something deeply captivating about such an ancient way of interpreting the human condition—it represents perhaps the most complex system of personality typing ever devised. To me, it isn't really about using it as some sort of predictive tool; rather, I see it as an inexhaustible collection of symbols, a truly remarkable architecture of the human psyche.
If I were to distill everything we’ve discussed into a single concept, I would point toward psychology—specifically, something akin to a psychoanalytic approach.
That is more or less my take, 🙂

Regarding that final point you made, a close friend of mine actually said something very similar... there is a certain happiness found in knowing there is an underlying force pulling at you, but I am not entirely sure. It also seems to trigger this sense of hysteria or suffocation; you find yourself physically doing one thing while your mind is occupied by another, eventually resulting in complete paralysis and total resignation.

As for you, I get the distinct impression that you have the potential to be a philosopher. I have gathered the sense that you genuinely relish these philosophical debates, and you possess a rather divergent way of thinking—one where a single starting point can blossom into a vast array of potential questions. I don't know... I certainly wouldn't claim to be an expert capable of offering a truly competent critique, but that is simply my impression. 🤷

Oh, and if you ever decide to work on that little gadget again, perhaps you could integrate a function for a painless shutdown... (unless I am being too dark here) just a way to facilitate a temporary shutdown.
It would save him from having to loop endlessly while dealing with those "index was out of range" errors and similar exceptions.

Honestly, lucky is the person who doesn't have to justify being lazy to anyone.😁

mistybison said:That is absolutely true! I once held a job that I truly loathed, and it made me resent my colleagues, myself, and honestly, the whole world. If I had tried to just "accept my fate," I wouldn't have lasted more than three days before breaking down and crying for an hour straight, thinking how I'd rather be starving than face that office again. Just thinking about it now! 😢 And then there was the constant commentary from everyone around me: "A job is just a job," "Think of all the people who would kill for your position," "Look at all the benefits you have," "Money is what matters," "What else would you do? So many people are unemployed," "Just be grateful you have something," or "Even John and Lazarus 😬 are thrilled with their roles, yet here you are complaining." It was all just different versions of the same dismissive attitude. 😁 Consequently, I had to pretend to be fine both at the office and in my private life. I could only breathe when I was alone; the rest of the time, I was essentially living a lie. 😢

No amount of money can motivate me enough to endure something that goes against my very core. I wish it were different—life would certainly be easier. I truly envy those who can feel and think that way! 😢 I also admire anyone who carries a genuine passion within them, much like a dedicated hobbyist. If I possessed that kind of drive, I know I would move heaven and earth to achieve it. 🙂

Regarding the topic, you haven't wasted your life. 🙂 You’ve gained a fascinating experience and significant knowledge that will likely influence your new career path: life follows unpredictable routes, sometimes circling back to things we thought we left behind, just in a different form. There is a new passion waiting for you that deserves your full commitment. Don't push it away; stay involved, even if it starts as a hobby like sculpting. New opportunities will emerge once you take that first step. 🙂 If you deny that part of yourself, you'll end up feeling like a zombie, just going through the motions while life becomes increasingly hollow. Don't settle for merely surviving when you have the chance to truly live. 🙂

In reality, when you find yourself trapped in a situation like that, you HAVE to give yourself that kind of release. The absolute worst thing you can do is try to gaslight yourself, which is exactly what I used to do. Now, I’ve simply admitted to myself that I don't love this job, and frankly, I don't care. I don't feel miserable about it anymore. I perform a job that doesn't resonate with who I am, I work hard enough to meet every expectation placed upon me, and I do it well, but please—don't expect any passion or enthusiasm from me. It’s not that I’m slacking off, but quite simply, I have emotionally and mentally detached myself from the whole thing. Honestly, it might almost be perverse to actually *love* a job like this, since it's the kind of work that isn't meant to be loved. But I do get this strange, twisted little satisfaction when I solve a difficult problem, or when I push past my own limits and actually succeed...
And if you were to ask me right now what else I would do instead—I DON'T KNOW! There are so many things that pique my interest, yet they all feel somewhat superficial. They say that if you don't know where you're headed, you're probably on the right track...

People have it right when they say: you don't walk away from a job until you've actually secured something better.

And honestly, that’s just common sense. You should always be hunting for a better opportunity—because let's face it, there's usually something out there that pays more or treats you better—but until that new contract is signed, you just have to grit your teeth and hold steady where you are.

Making massive, impulsive shifts or cutting everything off at once? That’s a recipe for disaster. It doesn't fix anything; it just makes a bad situation worse.

@ CRKOTINA: Look, if you're 32, statistics suggest you've got at least another 40 years of breathing room ahead of you. That gives you plenty of time to make moves, which is why you need to stay optimistic: Al-ways look on the bri-ght side of life!🙂

Lucky you, working in a lab... I always dreamed of doing something like that. Not molecular biology specifically, mind you, but something in that vein...
The truth is, I didn't major in bio because there wasn't a program like that in my hometown, and honestly? I just didn't have the guts. I was this confused, overweight kid back when I was nineteen. I moved to a new district during high school and just never felt like I fit in. I stopped doing everything I actually loved. I ended up gaining over twenty pounds back then—just a cycle of binge eating and then trying to starve myself to lose it. That’s basically how my high school years went... just eating...
So, I ended up enrolling in what I did enroll in. I sat through classes and studied, even though my heart wasn't in it, mostly just because I wanted to get it over with as fast as possible...
If I had actually studied what I was passionate about, I probably would have been an incredible student. I would have finished without all this struggle...
In the end, I felt the most regret during my freshman year. Later on, I managed to push those feelings down, sort of bury them. But then, right as I was becoming a senior, the insomnia hit. And since I had no idea what to do with myself, I turned to meditation. That's when it all came flooding back—everything I had spent years trying to suppress. I suddenly felt like I was fifteen again. I thought I had left that version of myself in the past, thought I had buried it and put it to rest, but there I was, feeling like a teenager. This intense, overwhelming longing for the things I used to love... it was like a total split in my personality. Like the fifteen-year-old inside me was demanding to live a completely different life, somewhere else entirely from where I am now...
Instead, I've dragged myself to this point through pure misery, making endless sacrifices and struggling through mediocre grades—though, frankly, I couldn't care less about the grades...
Now, I'm just listless. I have zero motivation to study this garbage, yet at the same time, I'm frustrated with myself for dragging out this damn degree for so long...
And deep down, I know I don't see myself ever working in the field this degree is actually for...
I just don't know what to do with my life. I have no drive, no will, and nothing brings me any joy anymore...
When I look back at the last eight or nine years, it feels like a complete waste. Years of endurance and bitterness, followed by binge eating and weight gain, several depressive episodes, and now, finally, nine and a half months of brutal insomnia—which hasn't really let up, just softened slightly...
I'm just sick of everything. Honestly, it would have been better if I had never been born. If I were to drop dead tomorrow, I wouldn't have anything to mourn, nor would I feel any regret...
So much of my life has slipped away uselessly. My best years, gone forever, for nothing...
I used to have the strength and the energy to fight, to keep pushing forward, but toward what? In the end, all I get is this massive void, this profound hopelessness, dark circles under my eyes, and headaches from lack of sleep. Just heavy, agonizing moments and this crushing pressure in my head—it's psychological, I don't even know how to describe it...
And I'm just furious. I hate myself, I hate my family, I hate everything around me...
I've just realized that nothing is working out for me. It's just not meant to be. And if it isn't, then what's the point in fighting? It's futile...
It seems like my family and their constant drama and nonsense will follow me for the rest of my life. I thought moving out would fix it, that I could escape it all, but clearly, that was an illusion...

Casey Morgan26 said:Lucky you, working in a lab... I always dreamed of doing something like that. Not molecular biology specifically, mind you, but something in that vein...
The truth is, I didn't major in bio because there wasn't a program like that in my hometown, and honestly? I just didn't have the guts. I was this confused, overweight kid back when I was nineteen. I moved to a new district during high school and just never felt like I fit in. I stopped doing everything I actually loved. I ended up gaining over twenty pounds back then—just a cycle of binge eating and then trying to starve myself to lose it. That’s basically how my high school years went... just eating...
So, I ended up enrolling in what I did enroll in. I sat through classes and studied, even though my heart wasn't in it, mostly just because I wanted to get it over with as fast as possible...
If I had actually studied what I was passionate about, I probably would have been an incredible student. I would have finished without all this struggle...
In the end, I felt the most regret during my freshman year. Later on, I managed to push those feelings down, sort of bury them. But then, right as I was becoming a senior, the insomnia hit. And since I had no idea what to do with myself, I turned to meditation. That's when it all came flooding back—everything I had spent years trying to suppress. I suddenly felt like I was fifteen again. I thought I had left that version of myself in the past, thought I had buried it and put it to rest, but there I was, feeling like a teenager. This intense, overwhelming longing for the things I used to love... it was like a total split in my personality. Like the fifteen-year-old inside me was demanding to live a completely different life, somewhere else entirely from where I am now...
Instead, I've dragged myself to this point through pure misery, making endless sacrifices and struggling through mediocre grades—though, frankly, I couldn't care less about the grades...
Now, I'm just listless. I have zero motivation to study this garbage, yet at the same time, I'm frustrated with myself for dragging out this damn degree for so long...
And deep down, I know I don't see myself ever working in the field this degree is actually for...
I just don't know what to do with my life. I have no drive, no will, and nothing brings me any joy anymore...
When I look back at the last eight or nine years, it feels like a complete waste. Years of endurance and bitterness, followed by binge eating and weight gain, several depressive episodes, and now, finally, nine and a half months of brutal insomnia—which hasn't really let up, just softened slightly...
I'm just sick of everything. Honestly, it would have been better if I had never been born. If I were to drop dead tomorrow, I wouldn't have anything to mourn, nor would I feel any regret...
So much of my life has slipped away uselessly. My best years, gone forever, for nothing...
I used to have the strength and the energy to fight, to keep pushing forward, but toward what? In the end, all I get is this massive void, this profound hopelessness, dark circles under my eyes, and headaches from lack of sleep. Just heavy, agonizing moments and this crushing pressure in my head—it's psychological, I don't even know how to describe it...
And I'm just furious. I hate myself, I hate my family, I hate everything around me...
I've just realized that nothing is working out for me. It's just not meant to be. And if it isn't, then what's the point in fighting? It's futile...
It seems like my family and their constant drama and nonsense will follow me for the rest of my life. I thought moving out would fix it, that I could escape it all, but clearly, that was an illusion...

It won't stop... not as long as you let them poison your head.
I'm dealing with the exact same crap. It's a constant fight. Sometimes things get so heated with my mom we’re basically one argument away from a knife fight—I honestly think one of us is gonna snap... and then it's back to square one.

As for the big picture? Yeah, pretty much identical. Throwing myself into a new environment where I don't fit, a college degree I hate, which led to a job I hate, which forced me to move all over again to some random city, barely having any friends, family constantly draining my mental health, and to top it all off... I eat my feelings and gain weight.

In the last year, things have started shifting a bit. Nothing massive happened to knock me off my feet and bring me back to life, but I finally realized I gotta be just as kind, empathetic, and helpful to myself as I am to everyone else. Once you do that, the way people treat you starts changing too. Basically, you get what you put out there.
Changing stuff that was drilled into you since you were a kid is brutal, but thank Quentin we can actually make progress so we don't end up totally losing our minds.

Hang in there.
Try to stop stressing about what everyone expects from you, or what you "should" do, or what's considered normal... instead, focus on the fact that you're the only one living your life. No one else gets how hard it is to deal with this stuff every single day except for you.

-Look, man, seriously, don't mess this up. You've gotta snap out of it. The best move is always doing what you actually love and getting paid for it... plus, I'm sure your wife can pull in some income too. If you’re even remotely independent from your parents, you really should be at that stage by now, since they aren't exactly footing your bills or buying your clothes anymore. They could walk away tomorrow, and you'd be stuck dealing with their control for the rest of your life. Why do that? Forget the cash, the cars, or those massive mansions with pools if you're miserable deep down. It's all about feeling fulfilled... if money gets tight, you can always find something else, maybe some freelance gigs in your field, just to cover the essentials. The call is yours, assuming you aren't still tied to your folks. And what does your wife think? Is she actually on your side, or is she just looking at the price tag?... Man, honestly, you're sounding a bit like a spoiled kid who's throwing a tantrum because he doesn't have his favorite toy, all while having three different banks backing him up. Besides, you've got more options than most people... stop making such a huge drama out of nothing.
Good luck and take care👍

Samuel Phillips2 said:I realized while working in the molecular biology lab that this field just isn't for me—but I’ve been white-knuckling it this far. Everyone kept telling me to just finish what I started... So many years wasted, when my heart was always pulling me toward painting, sculpting, and all those "childish" pursuits. I ended up enrolling in a PhD program just because everyone else was doing it—it felt like the only way to avoid being stuck as a high school teacher forever.😢
Even when I manage to scrape by on an exam or a term paper, the whole thing just crushes me. I feel like I'm going to snap.

I'm drifting further and further away from what actually matters to me. What kills me most is knowing I actually have talent—some of my amateur sculptures have even gotten praise—but I'm past thirty now. I've got a wife and kids to think about, so I need a paycheck. I hate my job, and honestly, I hate myself for being such a coward. Now I don't even have the time to take a class, and I definitely don't have the expertise required for AT&T 🤷

I want to switch careers, but I'm terrified it's too late and that I've already blown my shot at life.
Sometimes I think about just running away... but then I think about being broke... and about my kids, who'll end up being teased by their classmates for having a "starving artist" dad.

I was always the star student, and my parents are so proud of their future PhD, but underneath it all, I'm just filled with self-loathing. I know deep down that as a scientist, I'm a total zero and just lazy. I read research papers without understanding them and without any passion. I loathe it. I hate the lab. Even the people there—the ones who are actually upbeat and hardworking—aren't bad people. But I despise them; I subconsciously resent them for my own failures. It drives me crazy seeing them do better than me.

I want to work, and I have the energy and the drive, just not for pipettes and microscopes. Not for writing abstracts or running statistical tests.

Please—give me some advice, because if I keep going like this, this frustration is going to permanently kill my spirit and my will to live.

What you actually need is a break. If you haven't finished that PhD yet, just wrap it up, then go disappear somewhere for a few years to relax and decompress. Your energy will come back. You aren't a machine designed to just grind away endlessly.

I honestly don't even know what to tell you.

You're an adult now. Start owning your choices.
Do whatever you want, as long as it actually makes you happy.

It's pretty obvious you lack any real emotional maturity.
Seriously, go do some reading on self-respect and building actual confidence.

You're constantly just doing what people tell you to do, desperate for a pat on the head—even here.
Go sort out that inner child situation; you aren't a kid anymore.

And hey, they were right about one thing: just enjoy the moment.
If things start looking up, just pivot completely. You still have three free days a week, after all.

Man, what can I even say? Life is just one big, messy, unpredictable thing... what kind of advice could I possibly give you?..
I ended up finishing my degree in something I actually love, but I don't actually work in that field. My job isn't exactly what I dreamed about, but hey, I make the atmosphere at the office pretty pleasant, and I know I'm doing it so I can keep the fridge stocked... In my free time, though, I dive into my art. I make things for gifts, or maybe for a little local gallery show just to keep myself happy... My suggestion? Just look at your job as your everyday reality—the thing that puts food on the table for you and your family... and then turn your art into a hobby. Make it that something special that brings you joy whenever you finally get a moment to breathe...

And like that guy mentioned earlier, if you take a hobby and turn it into a serious career, you always have the option to walk away... It’s never too late. But there’s really no sense in rushing headfirst into the deep end before you're ready.

Look, I’m gonna drop one truth bomb on this thread—everything can change! There’s absolutely nothing written in stone saying what happened yesterday has to dictate tomorrow. The past isn't some permanent contract for your future!

It’s not like if I spent my whole life being overweight, I’m just stuck like that for the next 20 years. Or if I dressed like a total grandma, I couldn't pull it together in three months (with enough work and a little investment) and turn into a total Carrie Bradshaw type!

Come on, people, have a little optimism. I’m telling you this from actual EXPERIENCE, not just reading about it in some textbook!

Regarding work, here's the deal—people just want to be happy. What does that actually look like? It means having a job you don't hate, enough cash in the bank, a solid family life, friends, blah blah blah. Every one of those pieces carries different weight depending on the person. For you, work is clearly huge, which is why it’s messing with your head so much. Some people? They couldn't care less about their jobs. There are plenty of them out there!

I wanted to be a journalist, but my folks wouldn't let me go to the right high school or college for it. So, I played it smart: near the end of college, a few buddies and I started our own student paper. That landed me in newsrooms, eventually leading to a full-blown professional journalism career for years. In the end, I jumped ship to do something else, even though I swore I never would. Why? Because I saw the dark side, not just the perks (which seems to be your situation). My main reason was pretty existential—even though I loved the gig, I couldn't afford my own apartment or move out from under my parents' roof...

The point? Look at the downsides of being an artist too... would you really be happy if your kids were starving and you couldn't buy them what they need? Huh? I don't think so. Stop idealizing things. Just find the path of least resistance within your field. There's no such thing as a boring job, only boring people (take my word for it)...

Second tip: carve out some time for a hobby—sculpting or whatever. Sign up for a class, start hanging out with people who actually dig the same stuff you do. Who knows, maybe that hobby turns into a global phenomenon one day. Plus, that outlet will give you the energy to survive your day job... sounds crazy, but it's true...

And then... once you're world-famous, don't forget who gave you this advice 🙂🙂🙂 ME!

Stop whining. Do something real. And tell me EXACTLY what you decided to do! Did you find a class in your neighborhood? Ha! Do you have the cash for it? Are you going to actually save up? Let's get CONCRETE here, okay?

Austin Lopez4 said:Regarding work, here's the deal—people just want to be happy. What does that actually look like? It means having a job you don't hate, enough cash in the bank, a solid family life, friends, blah blah blah. Every one of those pieces carries different weight depending on the person. For you, work is clearly huge, which is why it’s messing with your head so much. Some people? They couldn't care less about their jobs. There are plenty of them out there!

I wanted to be a journalist, but my folks wouldn't let me go to the right high school or college for it. So, I played it smart: near the end of college, a few buddies and I started our own student paper. That landed me in newsrooms, eventually leading to a full-blown professional journalism career for years. In the end, I jumped ship to do something else, even though I swore I never would. Why? Because I saw the dark side, not just the perks (which seems to be your situation). My main reason was pretty existential—even though I loved the gig, I couldn't afford my own apartment or move out from under my parents' roof...

The point? Look at the downsides of being an artist too... would you really be happy if your kids were starving and you couldn't buy them what they need? Huh? I don't think so. Stop idealizing things. Just find the path of least resistance within your field. There's no such thing as a boring job, only boring people (take my word for it)...

Second tip: carve out some time for a hobby—sculpting or whatever. Sign up for a class, start hanging out with people who actually dig the same stuff you do. Who knows, maybe that hobby turns into a global phenomenon one day. Plus, that outlet will give you the energy to survive your day job... sounds crazy, but it's true...

And then... once you're world-famous, don't forget who gave you this advice 🙂🙂🙂 ME!

Stop whining. Do something real. And tell me EXACTLY what you decided to do! Did you find a class in your neighborhood? Ha! Do you have the cash for it? Are you going to actually save up? Let's get CONCRETE here, okay?

👍👍👍

If you actually have a creative soul, you can turn even the most mundane, "run-of-the-mill" job into a masterpiece.

It’s all about hunting for beauty in places where nobody else thinks to look...

"Quote:"

Samuel Phillips2 said:I realized while working in the molecular biology lab that this field just isn't for me—but I’ve been white-knuckling it this far. Everyone kept telling me to just finish what I started... So many years wasted, when my heart was always pulling me toward painting, sculpting, and all those "childish" pursuits. I ended up enrolling in a PhD program just because everyone else was doing it—it felt like the only way to avoid being stuck as a high school teacher forever.😢
Even when I manage to scrape by on an exam or a term paper, the whole thing just crushes me. I feel like I'm going to snap.

I'm drifting further and further away from what actually matters to me. What kills me most is knowing I actually have talent—some of my amateur sculptures have even gotten praise—but I'm past thirty now. I've got a wife and kids to think about, so I need a paycheck. I hate my job, and honestly, I hate myself for being such a coward. Now I don't even have the time to take a class, and I definitely don't have the expertise required for AT&T 🤷

I want to switch careers, but I'm terrified it's too late and that I've already blown my shot at life.
Sometimes I think about just running away... but then I think about being broke... and about my kids, who'll end up being teased by their classmates for having a "starving artist" dad.

I was always the star student, and my parents are so proud of their future PhD, but underneath it all, I'm just filled with self-loathing. I know deep down that as a scientist, I'm a total zero and just lazy. I read research papers without understanding them and without any passion. I loathe it. I hate the lab. Even the people there—the ones who are actually upbeat and hardworking—aren't bad people. But I despise them; I subconsciously resent them for my own failures. It drives me crazy seeing them do better than me.

I want to work, and I have the energy and the drive, just not for pipettes and microscopes. Not for writing abstracts or running statistical tests.

Please—give me some advice, because if I keep going like this, this frustration is going to permanently kill my spirit and my will to live.

Writing a PhD is a massive undertaking. Since everything is strictly deadline-driven, it’s common for that kind of pressure to trigger intrusive thoughts or sudden shifts in perspective. It's entirely possible you're going through something similar.

They already gave you a pretty good answer about not being lonely. I highly doubt most people actually do what they love. It’s common to pick a major based on a passing interest, only to realize later it was a mistake—it's pointless to commit to something that won't hold your attention long-term. People often just drift through grad school or PhD programs out of sheer momentum, finishing degrees they don't even care about simply because they're already stuck in the system. I went through all of that myself. Eventually, I had to draw the line; I realized I couldn't spend my entire life in this role without feeling miserable. I'm planning to start looking for something new in a year and see where life takes me. That was always the plan, even before I started my post-grad studies.

Once you finally shake off the weight of a PhD—which tends to sit heavy on your shoulders and warp your entire worldview—and the kids are older, you'll actually have breathing room for your art. It can be a great hobby. For most people, not just the lucky few, a job is simply a means to maintain a decent standard of living. No one is forcing you to stay in academia; if that life doesn't suit you, you can always jump into the private sector once the doctorate is out of the way. It might even be a better fit.

There's a fair amount of people out there without any real hobbies, or their entire existence revolves around hitting up the local pub. Instead of wallowing because you might have missed your true calling, you could just do your job and find some actual happiness through a creative outlet that actually fulfills you.

Austin Lopez4 said:Regarding work, here's the deal—people just want to be happy. What does that actually look like? It means having a job you don't hate, enough cash in the bank, a solid family life, friends, blah blah blah. Every one of those pieces carries different weight depending on the person. For you, work is clearly huge, which is why it’s messing with your head so much. Some people? They couldn't care less about their jobs. There are plenty of them out there!

I wanted to be a journalist, but my folks wouldn't let me go to the right high school or college for it. So, I played it smart: near the end of college, a few buddies and I started our own student paper. That landed me in newsrooms, eventually leading to a full-blown professional journalism career for years. In the end, I jumped ship to do something else, even though I swore I never would. Why? Because I saw the dark side, not just the perks (which seems to be your situation). My main reason was pretty existential—even though I loved the gig, I couldn't afford my own apartment or move out from under my parents' roof...

The point? Look at the downsides of being an artist too... would you really be happy if your kids were starving and you couldn't buy them what they need? Huh? I don't think so. Stop idealizing things. Just find the path of least resistance within your field. There's no such thing as a boring job, only boring people (take my word for it)...

Second tip: carve out some time for a hobby—sculpting or whatever. Sign up for a class, start hanging out with people who actually dig the same stuff you do. Who knows, maybe that hobby turns into a global phenomenon one day. Plus, that outlet will give you the energy to survive your day job... sounds crazy, but it's true...

And then... once you're world-famous, don't forget who gave you this advice 🙂🙂🙂 ME!

Stop whining. Do something real. And tell me EXACTLY what you decided to do! Did you find a class in your neighborhood? Ha! Do you have the cash for it? Are you going to actually save up? Let's get CONCRETE here, okay?

🤣 🤣 👍

electrictiger70 said:Exactly. Living someone else's life instead of your own will always catch up to you eventually. People might call you "selfish," but you are being selfish toward yourself and others if you don't choose what brings you joy. You cannot give anything meaningful to others if you are rotting from the inside.
👍👍 🙏 Enchantress, you have such a beautiful way of expressing yourself. After reading your posts, I always find myself feeling inspired. I am not sure why, but I do. 🤣

I couldn't agree more regarding her posts... I always experience that same sensation... a sudden surge of inspiration that makes me want to go out and create something wonderful... though, in reality, I usually just end up taking a walk around the neighborhood before coming right back to this forum. 😁

I had the exact same thought—Apple is a philosopher at heart; there is a deeply philosophical way he expresses himself and approaches thought.
And this is just precious. Can I be the maid of honor when you two finally cross paths? Whether it's at a county fair, a philosophy seminar, a psychology lecture, or an astrology workshop—wherever fate decides you meet!
(P.S. I promise there won't be any binary code at the wedding; just music, astrology, philosophy, the human soul, and psychology... personally, I’d probably just write poetry and philosophical quotes all over the walls!)
I'm teasing a little, but truly, you two are adorable.

Have you been diving into some psychoanalysis again? You're sounding remarkably romantic. 😁
Come on, don't be so modest—flaunt it a little, and maybe your wings will finally grow. 😛
😉

I have a suspicion that I might have lost him by leaning too heavily into my astrological enthusiasm. 😁 🤣

I find myself checking this thread titled "The Wasted Life" almost every single day. I have noticed a few specific things:

1. It has already been eight days since that letter regarding the Suffering of Young crkotina appeared on the forum.
2. Every day, people offer various types of advice, support, and encouragement to this romantic sufferer.
3. crkotina has been present on the forum for eight days now.

The whole situation is quite startling. It seems impossible to lay out one's problems to so many people and receive all this advice without ever saying thank you. My imagination has run wild, leading me to wonder if this is some kind of trap or a prank.
Perhaps crkotina is an author working on a novel about a tragic scientist who is secretly an artist—someone who carries their pain internally for years before finally snapping and opening up to the fanatic users of online forums. Or perhaps crkotina is a director filming a new soap opera set to air this summer. Or maybe crkotina was simply bored during the holiday on June 25th and decided to play games on the internet. Or...
I am unsure. Perhaps I am overthinking this. However, I must admit the entire thing feels strange. I wonder how many more people will step up with well-meaning advice while Mr. C. continues to inquire about funds and their stability (which is irrelevant).
Everyone, I truly admire the sheer volume of words you use to help someone who doesn't even seem to be in such bad shape. There are plenty of other people in the world who actually need help.

Tyler Clark5 said:I find myself checking this thread titled "The Wasted Life" almost every single day. I have noticed a few specific things:

1. It has already been eight days since that letter regarding the Suffering of Young crkotina appeared on the forum.
2. Every day, people offer various types of advice, support, and encouragement to this romantic sufferer.
3. crkotina has been present on the forum for eight days now.

The whole situation is quite startling. It seems impossible to lay out one's problems to so many people and receive all this advice without ever saying thank you. My imagination has run wild, leading me to wonder if this is some kind of trap or a prank.
Perhaps crkotina is an author working on a novel about a tragic scientist who is secretly an artist—someone who carries their pain internally for years before finally snapping and opening up to the fanatic users of online forums. Or perhaps crkotina is a director filming a new soap opera set to air this summer. Or maybe crkotina was simply bored during the holiday on June 25th and decided to play games on the internet. Or...
I am unsure. Perhaps I am overthinking this. However, I must admit the entire thing feels strange. I wonder how many more people will step up with well-meaning advice while Mr. C. continues to inquire about funds and their stability (which is irrelevant).
Everyone, I truly admire the sheer volume of words you use to help someone who doesn't even seem to be in such bad shape. There are plenty of other people in the world who actually need help.

I see this question pop up on the forum constantly—whether the story is actually true or just fiction. Personally, I don't care. It’s not worth the mental effort. There are undoubtedly plenty of people facing similar issues out there, and if nothing else, it's a reminder that you aren't alone.