CheckEmoji Community · the emoji forum
🏠 Home 🆕 What's new ❓ Unanswered 🔥 Popular 📡 RSS Members 👥 0 online
log in · register
Home › Society › Psychology › Feeling like a total failure

Feeling like a total failure

Started by Samuel Phillips2 · · 👁 13 views · 107 replies

📡 Subscribe to replies

Participants Samuel Phillips2William Lee3Richard White16bluetiger23placidrangerTyler Clark5Linda Diaz3James Allen6Morgan Bishop4Gerald Jones3Larry Lewis2hiddenhawk3Jeremy Palmerrapidskipper842wearypuma7feralcobra92electrictiger70Gerald FowlerSamuel Miller21wiredbear2lonegardenerdriftingstag23mistybisonnorthernsailor …
Olivia Lopez4 Olivia Lopez4 Newcomer
1 message
joined Jul 2008
#81 ·
Interesting topic... pretty sure there's a ton of us out there.
I realized early on that I wanted to dive into two different worlds 🙂 so I actually went for dual degrees (late in my twenties, actually). 🧐
Sometimes one side just totally eclipses the other... 🤷
But honestly, it’s way better than completely burying one passion just to be, you know, "professional" and "dedicated"—those are just buzzwords from others, mostly my mom 🙂, but it's such a classic trap... I tried doing it that way once and ended up in a total backwater situation—but hey, I shook it off just in time!—even if life itself can be a total nightmare, you nasty little Narcissus... ☕

My take? Life isn't meant to be one-dimensional, and we get so caught up in everyone else's opinions, prejudices, and fears that we're terrified to actually chase what we want. 🙂

Listen, if you have passions, forget all the noise and just go for them.
People will always judge you (out of spite, jealousy, fear, or just because they're bored), but whatever... people can be hell. Haha, maybe exaggerating a bit.

Anyway, just embrace the change. Read some Heraclitus and some good poetry—I'd recommend T. S. Eliot, or whoever speaks to you. Grow spiritually, tend to your own inner garden, but don't follow someone else's roadmap (ugh!) or some cheesy new age recipe 🙂 (so cringe!). Just trust your gut and lead with your heart (oh, and read William Blake too) and live your actual life before the vultures circle and pick you clean.

*sigh* 🙂
Donna Mitchell2 Donna Mitchell2 Newcomer
3 messages
joined Jul 2008
#82 ·
Honestly, I have so much respect for what you just said. I feel like I’m completely stuck in one spot—like, I’m spinning my wheels and getting absolutely nowhere. I'm not working, I'm not studying, and honestly, the motivation to learn anything new just isn't there anymore, which is kind of wild since I'm only 20. I don't really go out, I don't hang out with my girlfriends much... basically, my life is a total mess right now, if you catch my drift. Then I come along and read this thread by backwater, and I just can't wrap my head around it. How can someone with such an incredible education and all that knowledge still feel so unfulfilled? It makes me look at myself and realize I might be the absolute worst-case scenario here when it comes to having things totally figured out.
placidranger placidranger Regular
339 messages
joined Sep 2004
#83 ·
Donna Mitchell2 said:Honestly, I have so much respect for what you just said. I feel like I’m completely stuck in one spot—like, I’m spinning my wheels and getting absolutely nowhere. I'm not working, I'm not studying, and honestly, the motivation to learn anything new just isn't there anymore, which is kind of wild since I'm only 20. I don't really go out, I don't hang out with my girlfriends much... basically, my life is a total mess right now, if you catch my drift. Then I come along and read this thread by backwater, and I just can't wrap my head around it. How can someone with such an incredible education and all that knowledge still feel so unfulfilled? It makes me look at myself and realize I might be the absolute worst-case scenario here when it comes to having things totally figured out.

And there it is—just another issue we have to deal with in this backwater—misunderstanding. People see what he’s accomplished and where he’s ended up, and they probably just envy him, assuming his life is some flawless, problem-free existence.

@Donna Mitchell2, you’re seeing firsthand that fulfillment isn't guaranteed. It reminds me of an old saying: There is no way to happiness. Happiness IS the way 😁
Donna Mitchell2 Donna Mitchell2 Newcomer
3 messages
joined Jul 2008
#84 ·
Honestly, it’s just heartbreaking. I catch myself daydreaming about finally wrapping up my degree and landing a decent job somewhere, instead of feeling stuck in this constant state of "oh my god, help me." The thing is, though... I feel like I’ve lost my drive to study, and if I'm being totally real with myself, I've kind of lost interest in life altogether too.
shadowtrucker18 shadowtrucker18 Active Member
143 messages
joined Nov 2008
#85 ·
Tyler Clark5 said:I find myself checking this thread titled "The Wasted Life" almost every single day. I have noticed a few specific things:

1. It has already been eight days since that letter regarding the Suffering of Young crkotina appeared on the forum.
2. Every day, people offer various types of advice, support, and encouragement to this romantic sufferer.
3. crkotina has been present on the forum for eight days now.

The whole situation is quite startling. It seems impossible to lay out one's problems to so many people and receive all this advice without ever saying thank you. My imagination has run wild, leading me to wonder if this is some kind of trap or a prank.
Perhaps crkotina is an author working on a novel about a tragic scientist who is secretly an artist—someone who carries their pain internally for years before finally snapping and opening up to the fanatic users of online forums. Or perhaps crkotina is a director filming a new soap opera set to air this summer. Or maybe crkotina was simply bored during the holiday on June 25th and decided to play games on the internet. Or...
I am unsure. Perhaps I am overthinking this. However, I must admit the entire thing feels strange. I wonder how many more people will step up with well-meaning advice while Mr. C. continues to inquire about funds and their stability (which is irrelevant).
Everyone, I truly admire the sheer volume of words you use to help someone who doesn't even seem to be in such bad shape. There are plenty of other people in the world who actually need help.


I can think of a writer who could truly be described as a total backwater, lol🤣🤣🤣

But honestly, you people aren't much fun. Truly. Every three days there's some brand new conspiracy theory, and I suppose nobody here is actually being real. 🙄
Ronald Rogers27 Ronald Rogers27 Active Member
152 messages
joined Mar 2008
#86 ·
What I’m about to suggest sounds a little crazy... but honestly, it's worth a shot because you might kill two birds with one stone. 😛

Try to figure out what actually draws you to painting, sculpting, or art in general. Dig deep into those impulses. Try to turn your abstractions into something concrete—find the shapes that pull at you, isolate them, and then MATERIALIZE them. If you can nail that, you'll have the key to everything.

Molecular biology is primarily a science. But beyond the data, you need an artist's soul to *weave* together those active elements so they form specific shapes that an antipode can recognize. If you can master those forms, applying them to molecular biology won't be nearly as hard! 🙂

It won't be easy. You're going to fail a lot while searching, but you'll slowly start spotting patterns and applications you can use to build the active substance you want. You'll hit a wall plenty of times, but you'd hit a wall just as often if you were making mediocre art or sculpture. 😲

Every job is essentially a form of ART, and molecular biology is its own special kind of art! 🙂

Ronald Rogers27
Morgan Sanchez8 Morgan Sanchez8 Newcomer
1 message
joined Jun 2009
#87 ·
To all you folks stuck in some tiny backwater: listen, it is never too late to chase those dreams. Look at Henri Matisse—the guy actually started out practicing law before he finally ditched it all and headed to Paris to pick up a paintbrush. And look where that landed him... he’s basically the father of Fauvism now. My boyfriend is just finishing up his fine arts degree over at the Rhode Island School of Design, specializing in sculpture, and man, everyone has been riding him since day one. "You're wasting your time," they say. "Get a real job, or you'll starve." Whatever. He knew what he wanted since he was a kid, and if he hadn't ignored the constant nagging from his family and everyone else, he wouldn't be nearly as successful as he is today. Honestly, getting into an academy like RISD is incredibly tough; you need serious prep work with a pro just to stand a chance. But once you're in? You've made it. They're pretty chill about attendance, too, and most of the professors act more like buddies than instructors. It makes balancing a job and school totally doable. Sure, freshman year might kick your ass a little, but things get way smoother as you go. It would honestly be so much easier if families actually supported you instead of dragging you down. Like, do they even have a clue what's going on in your head? Anyway, that's all I got for now. Best,
Alex Patel96 Alex Patel96 Active Member
139 messages
joined Apr 2009
#88 ·
Look, man, don't throw in the towel. I went down the wrong path too, mostly because of my parents and that insane societal myth that artists can't make a living—something I realized was total BS years later. I refuse to hit 30 and wreck the only life I have just to please someone else. It sucks that you’ve been stuck like this for three decades, but it’s not too late. You’re going to run into plenty of people who don't get it, but honestly, those people aren't worth your time anyway.

Surround yourself with positive people who actually give a damn.
As for your dad and the whole art thing, I deal with a version of that myself. Only mine is a massive hypocrite. I'll never forget the look he gave me when I graduated high school and told him I wanted to go to art school. That's why we barely speak now unless it's strictly business.
The kicker? He was incredibly talented at music, and according to him, he never forgave his own parents for pushing him toward a "stable" career instead. And now he's pulling the exact same stunt on his own kid! Unbelievable.☕

You aren't alone in this. Hang in there and find your tribe. You can't just give up on who you are. Good luck.😘
Kenneth Cox21 Kenneth Cox21 Newcomer
1 message
joined Jun 2009
#89 ·
I’m actually reading this right now, and honestly, you really ought to carve out some time for it. You’ll probably stumble upon a copy at your local Barnes & Noble or just any decent bookstore nearby.🤷

A little context on the book:

My true self, Phil McGraw

What if there’s a version of you that never actually saw the light of day? One that never even got the chance to step up and say, "Hey, what about me?"
What if there's a part of you that you haven't even met yet—someone you never let exist because you were too terrified of being judged or looked down on?
What if you’re basically living your life from the sidelines, constantly looking over your shoulder, scared you won't meet the expectations of people who seem to be judging everything you do?
What if you realized you’ve been settling for mere scraps when you actually deserved—and wanted—the whole damn thing?
What if there are things you truly think and feel, but you’ve kept them buried deep inside, never letting them surface or acting on them? What if your marriage isn't actually what you need or want, but you're staying put, just hoping against hope that happiness might show up eventually?
What if you're just letting days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years, drifting through a life that feels like it was handed to you by some nameless, faceless world?

If any of that hits home, then we seriously need to talk—and we’re going to do that through the pages of this book. I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you. The bad news? You’re the one making the choices that landed you in this mess. But the good news? You’re also the one making the choices that brought you here. It is high time you make the single most important decision of your entire life. This book is my way of helping you get there.

I really, truly hope you give it a shot and read it. There’s no sense in wasting your life away. And look, when you're this unhappy, it's not just you feeling the weight of it—everyone around you feels it too.
Paul Jones12 Paul Jones12 Newcomer
1 message
joined Jun 2009
#90 ·
Man, what a total backwater situation. It looks like life just loves throwing curveballs at us, and you’re definitely catching them right now.
The absolute worst part is the "what if." We’ll never actually know if we made the right call because there's always that nagging thought about what might have happened if we had played a different card instead.
It’s a massive dilemma, seriously!
It really boils down to how much of an adventurer you are—how much guts you have to risk losing big just to potentially gain a little. That's the million-dollar question, right?
Looking at your specific spot, there's a chance you just didn't feel brave enough to pivot careers, but there's also a real possibility that life just pushed you into the lane you're in right now.
People get stuck in a fog all the time when they're making big moves. Everything gets blurry. Maybe it's just the sheer chaos of life, moving too fast, and making snap judgments without thinking it through. Or maybe it's just personality—some people just struggle to see the full picture, which makes picking the "right" path nearly impossible. And like I said, even if you do pick one, you'll never truly know if it was the winner.
Who knows where you'd be if you were out there in the art world, painting or sculpting? You'd probably still be sitting there doubting yourself and feeling unsatisfied. Honestly, I think being perpetually restless is just part of the human condition.
Think about it: you've got this degree and that postdoc or whatever under your belt. That's a huge achievement! You committed to that path for a reason. Now, deciding whether to ditch all that to chase a talent that might be fun but won't exactly pay the mortgage? That's entirely on you.
If you ask me, the smartest play is to stay put in the career you've built over the years and treat your art as a serious hobby. That doesn't mean it has to be amateur hour, either. You can paint, sculpt, or do your thing whenever you want, put on shows, and build a reputation while keeping your day job steady.
It’s a tough balancing act, but it’s totally doable.
Go for it! If you can't juggle both, then man up, find that courage, and make a clean break. Just don't forget that you can't eat vibes—you need cash. Try to find a way to monetize that art, especially for the sake of your family, because an artistic soul like yours could probably survive on nothing but inspiration if it had to. 🙂
Best of luck, professor. Go be the real deal!
slypuma17 slypuma17 Active Member
87 messages
joined May 2009
#91 ·
Samuel Phillips2 said:I realized while working in the molecular biology lab that this field just isn't for me—but I’ve been white-knuckling it this far. Everyone kept telling me to just finish what I started... So many years wasted, when my heart was always pulling me toward painting, sculpting, and all those "childish" pursuits. I ended up enrolling in a PhD program just because everyone else was doing it—it felt like the only way to avoid being stuck as a high school teacher forever.😢
Even when I manage to scrape by on an exam or a term paper, the whole thing just crushes me. I feel like I'm going to snap.

I'm drifting further and further away from what actually matters to me. What kills me most is knowing I actually have talent—some of my amateur sculptures have even gotten praise—but I'm past thirty now. I've got a wife and kids to think about, so I need a paycheck. I hate my job, and honestly, I hate myself for being such a coward. Now I don't even have the time to take a class, and I definitely don't have the expertise required for AT&T 🤷

I want to switch careers, but I'm terrified it's too late and that I've already blown my shot at life.
Sometimes I think about just running away... but then I think about being broke... and about my kids, who'll end up being teased by their classmates for having a "starving artist" dad.

I was always the star student, and my parents are so proud of their future PhD, but underneath it all, I'm just filled with self-loathing. I know deep down that as a scientist, I'm a total zero and just lazy. I read research papers without understanding them and without any passion. I loathe it. I hate the lab. Even the people there—the ones who are actually upbeat and hardworking—aren't bad people. But I despise them; I subconsciously resent them for my own failures. It drives me crazy seeing them do better than me.

I want to work, and I have the energy and the drive, just not for pipettes and microscopes. Not for writing abstracts or running statistical tests.

Please—give me some advice, because if I keep going like this, this frustration is going to permanently kill my spirit and my will to live.

Please—I need some advice.

It strikes me, somewhat, that you’ve spent quite enough of your life listening to everyone else's opinions. 😁
fadedbear92 fadedbear92 Veteran
1.1K messages
joined Dec 2008
#92 ·
electrictiger70 said:Exactly. Living someone else's life instead of your own will always catch up to you eventually. People might call you "selfish," but you are being selfish toward yourself and others if you don't choose what brings you joy. You cannot give anything meaningful to others if you are rotting from the inside.
👍👍 🙏 Enchantress, you have such a beautiful way of expressing yourself. After reading your posts, I always find myself feeling inspired. I am not sure why, but I do. 🤣

What a wise and profound sentiment! Honestly, bravo!image
Jerry Martinez5 Jerry Martinez5 Regular
278 messages
joined Apr 2009
#93 ·
Are you all aware that Ronald Rogers27 started this thread a year ago? And he hasn't even logged onto the forum in a month.
Brenda Cooper3 Brenda Cooper3 Active Member
157 messages
joined Apr 2009
#94 ·
The weather is finally turning pleasant, and I’ve been thinking about enrolling in design school. I feel like I could actually excel there, rather than just dragging myself through my current degree, but honestly? I'm terrified. I can't quite put my finger on why. Maybe it's the fear of judgment. I worry people will look at me and say, "Look at her—she can't even pass her exams on time at her current college, and now she thinks she can handle another one."
I'm feeling such intense anxiety and shame; I feel like a coward. I want to do something to regain my self-respect, but I just need some support right now. The problem is, I can't bring myself to accept help from certain people. My stubbornness gets in the way, and that pride only leads to misery... God, I've been being so hard on myself lately. 😢
James Ramirez10 James Ramirez10 Active Member
69 messages
joined Apr 2009
#95 ·
Actually, you can't just enroll in two different degree programs at once. You generally need a GPA above a 4.0 and official approval from the dean's office. I'd suggest looking into the specific university requirements first.
hiddenhawk3 hiddenhawk3 Active Member
160 messages
joined Oct 2007
#96 ·
man, you might get her to go 😛
but, I guess they'd only bite if one person pays and there's no special program included 😛
Brenda Cooper3 Brenda Cooper3 Active Member
157 messages
joined Apr 2009
#97 ·
It’s technically possible to enroll one as a full-time student and the other as a part-time student paying tuition. My dilemma is whether I should actually pull the trigger on this, or if I've already missed my window. 😢
James Ramirez10 James Ramirez10 Active Member
69 messages
joined Apr 2009
#98 ·
That used to be the case, but everything changed once the new credit system was introduced! It really varies depending on which college you're looking at. For instance, at a school like NYU, you can't get in without a formal petition, whereas at a place like UCLA, I think you could just enroll as a part-time student. You should definitely look into it!
Brenda Cooper3 Brenda Cooper3 Active Member
157 messages
joined Apr 2009
#99 ·
I actually looked into this last year, and here’s my take. I’ll sit for the entrance exams regardless of whether I end up paying the tuition. They have a strict cap on how many out-of-state students they can accept, anyway. Technically, it's possible to pursue two majors, but I’m still questioning if that’s actually a smart move. I don't want to get ahead of myself only to hit a wall later. Does anyone have any advice or personal experience with this?
fadedbear92 fadedbear92 Veteran
1.1K messages
joined Dec 2008
#100 ·
Jerry Martinez5 said:Are you all aware that Ronald Rogers27 started this thread a year ago? And he hasn't even logged onto the forum in a month.

Then he’s really just shooting himself in the foot.image

You must log in or register to reply here.

Log in Register

🔗 Similar threads