I'm at my wit's end with my ex

Everything she imagines becomes an absolute necessity, regardless of logic or reason. Of course, trying to reason with her is a completely futile exercise.

We can't bring ourselves to toss out her belongings, even when they’re ancient or worn out, but anything that isn't hers just becomes clutter that could actually be useful...

Whenever she decides she needs to buy something—even if we don't need it at all—she spends whatever it costs. Then she has the nerve to lecture me about "going broke" when I need cash for gas or unexpected car repairs.

She nitpicks every tiny, insignificant detail, and nothing I do ever seems to be quite right.

She insists on doing everything herself, only to complain later about how much she has to carry.

The moment I question her actions, she immediately starts the theatrics, acting like the entire world is out to get her.

My patience is wearing thin because her constant nagging and whims seem to escalate every single day... 🙄 ...while my father was still around, he managed to handle her somehow, but now (since I'm just a kid to her, it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall no matter what I say)... 🙄

Everyone else living in the house really needs to step up and help her out with the chores!

I can't help but wonder if she's just feeling totally burnt out because she hasn't had a single moment to herself lately?🤷

As for her holding onto all that old junk... honestly, it feels like she’s just avoiding facing reality. She’s basically living in the past, and I guess that’s where she feels most comfortable.

She seriously needs a wake-up call.

Gary Reyes3 said:Everyone else living in the house really needs to step up and help her out with the chores!

I can't help but wonder if she's just feeling totally burnt out because she hasn't had a single moment to herself lately?🤷

As for her holding onto all that old junk... honestly, it feels like she’s just avoiding facing reality. She’s basically living in the past, and I guess that’s where she feels most comfortable.

She seriously needs a wake-up call.

What household? It’s just been the two of us since my father passed away. She works, and I’m busy trying to finish my degree... 🙄

Gary Reyes3 said:Everyone else living in the house really needs to step up and help her out with the chores!

I can't help but wonder if she's just feeling totally burnt out because she hasn't had a single moment to herself lately?🤷

As for her holding onto all that old junk... honestly, it feels like she’s just avoiding facing reality. She’s basically living in the past, and I guess that’s where she feels most comfortable.

She seriously needs a wake-up call.

Or perhaps she's dealing with OCD...

Megan White4, hey.

Seems to me she still hasn't really dealt with your old man passing.
And that whole thing about hoarding junk and causing chaos? Yeah, I know that tune all too well...🙄
Honestly, I've got no clue how you're gonna fix this... she probably wouldn't even listen if you suggested therapy, so I guess (maybe) your only move is to get some financial breathing room and put some distance between you two.
Good luck. Hang in there...

👋

Megan White4 said:What household? It’s just been the two of us since my father passed away. She works, and I’m busy trying to finish my degree... 🙄

Or perhaps she's dealing with OCD...

It's also possible she's going through menopause and her hormones are just all over the place, which would totally explain why she's constantly whining, craving attention, and picking fights...
Trust me, women can be completely different people during that stage of life.

Don't take everything so hard, just live your life and try to make some time for her every now and then!

Gary Reyes3 said:It's also possible she's going through menopause and her hormones are just all over the place, which would totally explain why she's constantly whining, craving attention, and picking fights...
Trust me, women can be completely different people during that stage of life.

Don't take everything so hard, just live your life and try to make some time for her every now and then!

👍

Could be.

Gary Reyes3 said:It's also possible she's going through menopause and her hormones are just all over the place, which would totally explain why she's constantly whining, craving attention, and picking fights...
Trust me, women can be completely different people during that stage of life.

Don't take everything so hard, just live your life and try to make some time for her every now and then!

How can you not feel that way when you're living with her🤷?

I guess the guy isn't even the issue here.

I’d say there’s a 90% chance that's true!

I see it all the time with my own mom—if she gets a specific idea in her head and doesn't get her way, the waterworks start immediately, followed by total fury and claims that nobody loves her... then my dad just loses his mind trying to apply logic to a situation where logic simply doesn't exist!

She also constantly insists she needs more attention, so I’ll set aside a few hours just to hang out and be sweet with her... and then she hits me with, "Are you doing this just because you feel obligated, or do you actually love me?" And honestly, what am I even supposed to say to that?😍

Honestly, the best move is usually just to stay quiet, help her out, and give her some space to herself.
But hey, that's just our wonderful moms for you!🙂 🙂

Megan White4 said:What household? It’s just been the two of us since my father passed away. She works, and I’m busy trying to finish my degree... 🙄

Or perhaps she's dealing with OCD...

Megan, look, I really don't want to start something here, but—forgive me if I push back just a little on this whole list of grievances you have against maybe your mom...

You're 27, right? And you're still wrapping up college? While she's pulling all the shifts? Are you working at all? Have you ever worked? Is this even your second time being in school?

If I were feeling particularly mean about it, I’d read your situation like this: "I lost my husband, and now I've got this 27-year-old slacker finishing up his degree 🙄, constantly dipping into my pocket while lecturing me every time I spend money on myself. Of course I'm pissed off—I should be at a stage in life where things are finally getting easier, but instead of enjoying myself, I buried my husband and now I'm stuck with a kid who won't stop whining, won't stop getting his way, and keeps telling me how to live my life instead of just growing up and finding a job!"

Anyway, devil's advocate has spoken 😁

Timothy Campbell2 said:How can you not feel that way when you're living with her🤷?

I guess the guy isn't even the issue here.

They really just need to find some common ground... especially regarding all that old stuff... they should probably try to get that sorted out as soon as possible!🤷

Jose Miller3 said:Megan, look, I really don't want to start something here, but—forgive me if I push back just a little on this whole list of grievances you have against maybe your mom...

You're 27, right? And you're still wrapping up college? While she's pulling all the shifts? Are you working at all? Have you ever worked? Is this even your second time being in school?

If I were feeling particularly mean about it, I’d read your situation like this: "I lost my husband, and now I've got this 27-year-old slacker finishing up his degree 🙄, constantly dipping into my pocket while lecturing me every time I spend money on myself. Of course I'm pissed off—I should be at a stage in life where things are finally getting easier, but instead of enjoying myself, I buried my husband and now I'm stuck with a kid who won't stop whining, won't stop getting his way, and keeps telling me how to live my life instead of just growing up and finding a job!"

Anyway, devil's advocate has spoken 😁

It’s a long story, but since I have to explain myself... I first enrolled back in 2003. Before that, I cycled through a few different programs, mostly because my parents were insisting on specific majors they thought would guarantee a steady paycheck or a "good" career. In 1999, I finally gave in and went to the school they chose for me. Once they realized I was struggling, they let me choose my own path, so I started a different program in 2001. Since studying wasn't exactly my forte at the time, I took a job and worked for about a year until early 2003. Eventually, I quit, decided to go back to a field more aligned with what I actually studied in high school, and things finally clicked. I'm a senior now. So... there's your answer regarding "laziness."

And yes, every time I mention looking for a part-time gig through a campus job board—just so I don't have to ask for money for every little thing—the response is always some variation of "Decide if you want to study or work. How do you expect to graduate like this?" and so on.

The pattern has always been the same: whenever I wanted to take the initiative on something, they’d jump in to do it for me (or lecture me on why my way was wrong), yet whenever I had any other responsibilities, I was expected to jump at their every command.

Jose Miller3 said:Megan, look, I really don't want to start something here, but—forgive me if I push back just a little on this whole list of grievances you have against maybe your mom...

You're 27, right? And you're still wrapping up college? While she's pulling all the shifts? Are you working at all? Have you ever worked? Is this even your second time being in school?

If I were feeling particularly mean about it, I’d read your situation like this: "I lost my husband, and now I've got this 27-year-old slacker finishing up his degree 🙄, constantly dipping into my pocket while lecturing me every time I spend money on myself. Of course I'm pissed off—I should be at a stage in life where things are finally getting easier, but instead of enjoying myself, I buried my husband and now I'm stuck with a kid who won't stop whining, won't stop getting his way, and keeps telling me how to live my life instead of just growing up and finding a job!"

Anyway, devil's advocate has spoken 😁

:asshole:

NHF

🙄

Gary Reyes3 said:I’d say there’s a 90% chance that's true!

I see it all the time with my own mom—if she gets a specific idea in her head and doesn't get her way, the waterworks start immediately, followed by total fury and claims that nobody loves her... then my dad just loses his mind trying to apply logic to a situation where logic simply doesn't exist!

She also constantly insists she needs more attention, so I’ll set aside a few hours just to hang out and be sweet with her... and then she hits me with, "Are you doing this just because you feel obligated, or do you actually love me?" And honestly, what am I even supposed to say to that?😍

Honestly, the best move is usually just to stay quiet, help her out, and give her some space to herself.
But hey, that's just our wonderful moms for you!🙂 🙂

That's the catch.

Your dad is actually around, so I guess the situation is a bit different, no offense intended.

☕

Megan White4 said:It’s a long story, but since I have to explain myself... I first enrolled back in 2003. Before that, I cycled through a few different programs, mostly because my parents were insisting on specific majors they thought would guarantee a steady paycheck or a "good" career. In 1999, I finally gave in and went to the school they chose for me. Once they realized I was struggling, they let me choose my own path, so I started a different program in 2001. Since studying wasn't exactly my forte at the time, I took a job and worked for about a year until early 2003. Eventually, I quit, decided to go back to a field more aligned with what I actually studied in high school, and things finally clicked. I'm a senior now. So... there's your answer regarding "laziness."

And yes, every time I mention looking for a part-time gig through a campus job board—just so I don't have to ask for money for every little thing—the response is always some variation of "Decide if you want to study or work. How do you expect to graduate like this?" and so on.

The pattern has always been the same: whenever I wanted to take the initiative on something, they’d jump in to do it for me (or lecture me on why my way was wrong), yet whenever I had any other responsibilities, I was expected to jump at their every command.

:asshole:

NHF

🙄

It all comes down to one decision—whether you actually want financial independence or not. Simple as that.
Quincy:

It was always the same pattern—whenever I actually wanted to build something myself, they’d immediately scramble to take over—or, more often than not, they’d just start lecturing me on all the reasons why my idea wouldn't work.

And you let them do your work for you.
Quincy:

Back when I was working my other jobs—you know how it goes—I basically had to jump through every single hoop they threw at me. Just mindless compliance, really. Every little command, every arbitrary rule... I just had to follow it without question.

Did you really have to?

Megan White4 said:Everything she imagines becomes an absolute necessity, regardless of logic or reason. Of course, trying to reason with her is a completely futile exercise.

We can't bring ourselves to toss out her belongings, even when they’re ancient or worn out, but anything that isn't hers just becomes clutter that could actually be useful...

Whenever she decides she needs to buy something—even if we don't need it at all—she spends whatever it costs. Then she has the nerve to lecture me about "going broke" when I need cash for gas or unexpected car repairs.

She nitpicks every tiny, insignificant detail, and nothing I do ever seems to be quite right.

She insists on doing everything herself, only to complain later about how much she has to carry.

The moment I question her actions, she immediately starts the theatrics, acting like the entire world is out to get her.

My patience is wearing thin because her constant nagging and whims seem to escalate every single day... 🙄 ...while my father was still around, he managed to handle her somehow, but now (since I'm just a kid to her, it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall no matter what I say)... 🙄

So why don't you just move out?
It seems like the obvious fix. You'd dodge the drama and finally learn how to hold your own.

placidranger said:It all comes down to one decision—whether you actually want financial independence or not. Simple as that.
Quincy:

It was always the same pattern—whenever I actually wanted to build something myself, they’d immediately scramble to take over—or, more often than not, they’d just start lecturing me on all the reasons why my idea wouldn't work.

And you let them do your work for you.
Quincy:

Back when I was working my other jobs—you know how it goes—I basically had to jump through every single hoop they threw at me. Just mindless compliance, really. Every little command, every arbitrary rule... I just had to follow it without question.

Did you really have to?

What exactly do you think I'm after, or what have I decided?

placidranger said:It all comes down to one decision—whether you actually want financial independence or not. Simple as that.
Quincy:

It was always the same pattern—whenever I actually wanted to build something myself, they’d immediately scramble to take over—or, more often than not, they’d just start lecturing me on all the reasons why my idea wouldn't work.

And you let them do your work for you.
Quincy:

Back when I was working my other jobs—you know how it goes—I basically had to jump through every single hoop they threw at me. Just mindless compliance, really. Every little command, every arbitrary rule... I just had to follow it without question.

Did you really have to?

No. They’d always find a way to squeeze themselves in, though. Usually accompanied by a lot of shouting or a bit of shoving.

placidranger said:It all comes down to one decision—whether you actually want financial independence or not. Simple as that.
Quincy:

It was always the same pattern—whenever I actually wanted to build something myself, they’d immediately scramble to take over—or, more often than not, they’d just start lecturing me on all the reasons why my idea wouldn't work.

And you let them do your work for you.
Quincy:

Back when I was working my other jobs—you know how it goes—I basically had to jump through every single hoop they threw at me. Just mindless compliance, really. Every little command, every arbitrary rule... I just had to follow it without question.

Did you really have to?

It’s either this or a total mess.

placidranger said:So why don't you just move out?
It seems like the obvious fix. You'd dodge the drama and finally learn how to hold your own.

And go where?

Megan White4 said:What exactly do you think I'm after, or what have I decided?

No. They’d always find a way to squeeze themselves in, though. Usually accompanied by a lot of shouting or a bit of shoving.

It’s either this or a total mess.

If I'm reading this right, you've been living off her dime for a while now. You figured it was easier to just beg and deal with the constant nagging than to actually get a job and deal with the same nagging (which, honestly, sounds like a logical trade-off)🤷

Maybe you want something else—but wanting things and actually working for them are two different worlds.
Quincy:

No. But we’d always find a way in. Either through a massive blowout or by playing hardball.

So you were letting it happen.
Quincy:

It’s either that or an all-out fight.

Your call.

Megan White4 said:And go where?

Into some... you know... apartment.

Megan White4 said:And go where?

Somewhere where you don't have to deal with that kind of crap... there are plenty of beautiful rental apartments all over the States.

The thing is—you actually have to work and make enough money to cover rent, utilities, food, everything 😉

And yeah, I guess I was being an asshole there... 🙂

I should probably point out that it isn't exactly a walk in the park—moving out, working enough to afford an apartment that doesn't leak every time it rains, all while trying to finish school.
Maybe you could just take out a loan and head out?

Alternatively, you could just grind it out for another year. Once you graduate, finding work to fund a move will be a lot more manageable.

Good luck with everything. 🙂