I'm at my wit's end with my ex

Trust me, I’ve seen much worse mothers out there than her
Honestly, all the luck in the world wouldn't change my mind about needing some space from her
I only have to deal with her once a week, and even that feels like way too much...

Megan White4 said:Everything she imagines becomes an absolute necessity, regardless of logic or reason. Of course, trying to reason with her is a completely futile exercise.

We can't bring ourselves to toss out her belongings, even when they’re ancient or worn out, but anything that isn't hers just becomes clutter that could actually be useful...

Whenever she decides she needs to buy something—even if we don't need it at all—she spends whatever it costs. Then she has the nerve to lecture me about "going broke" when I need cash for gas or unexpected car repairs.

She nitpicks every tiny, insignificant detail, and nothing I do ever seems to be quite right.

She insists on doing everything herself, only to complain later about how much she has to carry.

The moment I question her actions, she immediately starts the theatrics, acting like the entire world is out to get her.

My patience is wearing thin because her constant nagging and whims seem to escalate every single day... 🙄 ...while my father was still around, he managed to handle her somehow, but now (since I'm just a kid to her, it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall no matter what I say)... 🙄

classic my old man... but hey... I guess it's somewhat acceptable...

Megan White4 said:What household? It’s just been the two of us since my father passed away. She works, and I’m busy trying to finish my degree... 🙄

Or perhaps she's dealing with OCD...

If we're talking about hoarding—you know, piles of trash, plastic bags, old newspapers, discarded scraps—then YES, that is textbook OCD.

As for your living situation—forget it. You aren't going to change her. It's impossible. Just tolerate it as much as you can and focus on finishing that degree. If you're in your fourth year and only have six and a half months left, plus another six months to wrap up your thesis, you'll be a free man by the end of 2008.

You're lagging a bit behind here—you're a grown man now. There comes a point where the urge to finally move out of your parents' place becomes so intense it starts driving you absolutely insane.

Generally speaking, kids in America stay under their parents' roof way too long. On one hand, you've got unemployment and those sky-high rents in cities like Chicago or NYC, but on the other, parents want to help so much—they make things so comfortable—that it's easy for kids to just stay put. But then, because it's unnatural, they start nagging and guilt-tripping you anyway...

Just remember: you stopped being a kid a long time ago. This isn't your place anymore—which is exactly why you're getting on her nerves, and she's getting on yours. Once that degree is in your hand, it's time to cut ties and move on.

My issue isn't really about the clock; it’s more about my grandmother...
For instance, we have a central heating stove that was only used for one winter, but she refuses to let us remove the radiators because someone might want to switch back to wood-burning heat someday.
Then there's this old sofa that's basically falling apart, yet it stays right in the middle of the living room just to act as a drying rack whenever it rains. We basically have two living rooms now: the actual one and the "laundry room" version.
On top of that, there's a 40-year-old couch from my dad that she insists on keeping in one of the rooms just so I have somewhere to crash when I visit. So, yeah... that's how it goes.

I don't know, it feels like you're stuck in that condescending "old lady" loop where you feel like you have to micromanage absolutely everything... but at the same time, you're just clearly frustrated because you *have* to watch over everything.. it's like this endless cycle...

you can't change people that difficult... honestly, you just finish college, get out of there, and then you finally do things your own way.

Jane Doe😁
She’s just missing a little love😉

Amanda Roberts21 said:If we're talking about hoarding—you know, piles of trash, plastic bags, old newspapers, discarded scraps—then YES, that is textbook OCD.

As for your living situation—forget it. You aren't going to change her. It's impossible. Just tolerate it as much as you can and focus on finishing that degree. If you're in your fourth year and only have six and a half months left, plus another six months to wrap up your thesis, you'll be a free man by the end of 2008.

You're lagging a bit behind here—you're a grown man now. There comes a point where the urge to finally move out of your parents' place becomes so intense it starts driving you absolutely insane.

Generally speaking, kids in America stay under their parents' roof way too long. On one hand, you've got unemployment and those sky-high rents in cities like Chicago or NYC, but on the other, parents want to help so much—they make things so comfortable—that it's easy for kids to just stay put. But then, because it's unnatural, they start nagging and guilt-tripping you anyway...

Just remember: you stopped being a kid a long time ago. This isn't your place anymore—which is exactly why you're getting on her nerves, and she's getting on yours. Once that degree is in your hand, it's time to cut ties and move on.

It isn’t quite hoarding trash... it’s more like an obsession with specific items...

Yesterday, I asked $67 for gas money (since I was running on empty)... she immediately started rolling her eyes and lamenting about how we can't afford it (though she did eventually give it to me). It’s as if we lack funds for basic necessities, yet there’s always plenty of money for her irrational whims and nonsense.

Amanda Roberts21 said:If we're talking about hoarding—you know, piles of trash, plastic bags, old newspapers, discarded scraps—then YES, that is textbook OCD.

As for your living situation—forget it. You aren't going to change her. It's impossible. Just tolerate it as much as you can and focus on finishing that degree. If you're in your fourth year and only have six and a half months left, plus another six months to wrap up your thesis, you'll be a free man by the end of 2008.

You're lagging a bit behind here—you're a grown man now. There comes a point where the urge to finally move out of your parents' place becomes so intense it starts driving you absolutely insane.

Generally speaking, kids in America stay under their parents' roof way too long. On one hand, you've got unemployment and those sky-high rents in cities like Chicago or NYC, but on the other, parents want to help so much—they make things so comfortable—that it's easy for kids to just stay put. But then, because it's unnatural, they start nagging and guilt-tripping you anyway...

Just remember: you stopped being a kid a long time ago. This isn't your place anymore—which is exactly why you're getting on her nerves, and she's getting on yours. Once that degree is in your hand, it's time to cut ties and move on.

That is exactly the plan...

Kyle Nelson2 said:I don't know, it feels like you're stuck in that condescending "old lady" loop where you feel like you have to micromanage absolutely everything... but at the same time, you're just clearly frustrated because you *have* to watch over everything.. it's like this endless cycle...

you can't change people that difficult... honestly, you just finish college, get out of there, and then you finally do things your own way.

Precisely. She inserts herself into everything, and when you tell her to back off (usually after ten failed attempts and finally raising my voice), she takes massive offense and plays the martyr. 🙄

Megan White4 said:It isn’t quite hoarding trash... it’s more like an obsession with specific items...

Yesterday, I asked $67 for gas money (since I was running on empty)... she immediately started rolling her eyes and lamenting about how we can't afford it (though she did eventually give it to me). It’s as if we lack funds for basic necessities, yet there’s always plenty of money for her irrational whims and nonsense.

That is exactly the plan...

Precisely. She inserts herself into everything, and when you tell her to back off (usually after ten failed attempts and finally raising my voice), she takes massive offense and plays the martyr. 🙄

It’s her money—she should be free to blow it however she damn well pleases. 🤷

Exactly that... She just forces her way into everything. Then, after you've tried telling her to back off—ten failed attempts later, usually involving me having to raise my voice just to be heard—she plays the victim. It’s always the same routine: she gets deeply offended and acts like she's some wounded soul. It's exhausting. 🙄

Let her pout. Let it pass. You’re the one who taught her that throwing a tantrum or acting helpless would get her exactly what she wants—total control over the situation—so now she’s just playing the hand you dealt her. You make it far too easy to manipulate you, and frankly, you don't need that kind of drama in your life.

Honestly, women hitting menopause act like they’ve been possessed by some demon or something.🙂 I know because I lived with one once—I ended up walking out on my house at 20, no degree and no career path to speak of. Luckily, I married well and I’m in a great marriage now, though honestly, I couldn't care less about my old lady or the rest of my family. It's just that unfinished college degree that still eats at me...:🤣
Those old guys will never be happy, either. Even my better half got into a massive blowout with his mom and they're still giving each other the silent treatment.🙂
If you really can't talk sense into her or settle anything, my advice? Just completely tune her out. Do the bare minimum she expects of you, then pivot all that energy back to yourself and your own life. Treat it like you're just paying rent to a landlord. Trust me, I've dealt with landlords way worse than your mother...
And seriously, go finish that degree for the rest of us who are way too old and exhausted to start over...

She thinks she’s some kind of genius, but honestly...
she just can't stop meddling and judging everyone else.
Zero clue what's actually going on in the real world.
Her tongue is sharp, too... way too much attitude.
Everything is such a struggle for her (always playing the victim, refusing help but complaining about it anyway)
She wants to call all the shots, but it just won't happen.
Superficial as hell when you talk to her—it's like she's only listening to herself.
Those Sunday family dinners have become so exhausting I've had to start skipping them more often...

Ryan Edwards94 said:Honestly, women hitting menopause act like they’ve been possessed by some demon or something.🙂 I know because I lived with one once—I ended up walking out on my house at 20, no degree and no career path to speak of. Luckily, I married well and I’m in a great marriage now, though honestly, I couldn't care less about my old lady or the rest of my family. It's just that unfinished college degree that still eats at me...:🤣
Those old guys will never be happy, either. Even my better half got into a massive blowout with his mom and they're still giving each other the silent treatment.🙂
If you really can't talk sense into her or settle anything, my advice? Just completely tune her out. Do the bare minimum she expects of you, then pivot all that energy back to yourself and your own life. Treat it like you're just paying rent to a landlord. Trust me, I've dealt with landlords way worse than your mother...
And seriously, go finish that degree for the rest of us who are way too old and exhausted to start over...

If you’re under seventy, you shouldn't be complaining about either. JUST GET STARTED.

Man, you basically just described my old lady... I just tune her out.

Terry Gray60, I’m totally with you on this—I might actually give it a shot this year—but honestly, my health has been a total wreck lately (two bouts of pneumonia, one of which landed me in the ICU for a month), 😢 so I’m seriously questioning if I have the stamina for this. Like, how am I supposed to spend all day trekking across campus, then come home to cook, laundry, and ironing? Plus, my husband runs his own business, so everything pretty much falls on my shoulders. Is there anyone out there who decided to major in science later in life and actually made it through? 😕

Look, if you want to move out, just move out. Find some roommates, split the rent, and boom—done. It’s really not as impossible as people claim when they're just making excuses 🙄 You’re a fresh grad; you can grab a part-time gig to cover the basics...
I get it, leaving home sucks even if you want to, because damn, it’s home. You always have food ready and clean laundry waiting, and you don't have to grind just to pay rent...
I know people in their 30s who are still living with their parents. It drives them absolutely insane, but they won't leave... even though they totally could because they actually have the cash... they just lack the motivation 🙄 but honestly, they'd kill to live on their own 🙄
Me? I moved to a different city when I was my age, with no degree and nothing to my name, and honestly, I'm doing fine. I hustle, save up for the apartment, bills, groceries, and just scrape by month to month... but nobody tells me what to do, nags me, or complains about anything. I’ve got my freaking freedom 😁
It’s hard for me to be all worked up about it, but at least I wasn't the type to just sit around crying about how awful it is living with my folks without actually doing anything about it... Look, man, I feel for you, but I don't know how else to help besides telling you this...
My partner also wants to desperately escape their parents, but they can't because they're only a freshman and balancing work and school is brutal, especially with this whole credit system mess...
And they REALLY want to leave, but they just can't figure it out... but the worst part is... their parents have basically forbidden them 😕 from moving out, saying stuff like, "You aren't moving until you finish college, find a career, get a spouse, blah blah blah... then maybe we'll consider if you're actually ready," 😲
It’s super sad and totally messed up, but what can you do? It's not like you can just pack a bag and vanish overnight....

I try to be understanding out of pure respect. I’m an independent woman, over 30, and already a mother myself, yet she still tries to micromanage my entire life. If things aren't done her way, she shuts down immediately. I'm honestly exhausted from constantly having to coddle her and deal with the guilt trips. She plays the martyr, making me feel like I'm always in the wrong, followed by endless criticism about everything I do. Lately, it feels like she's just hunting for reasons to fight. She scrutinizes every word I say, looking for any excuse to get upset. I don't even know how to ignore her because she's elderly, and I could never forgive myself if something happened to her. So, I call her, but when things are "fine"—meaning she isn't actively angry—she starts nitpicking every little thing. She needs to know where I am and what I'm doing at all times; I have to call her at least five times a day just to give her a full report on my life. I'm just drained. I used to defend her and try to see her side, but now I'm just burnt out and overwhelmed by her verbal outbursts. I've had enough. I just wanted to share my story. It seems I'm not alone.

Donna Sullivan7 said:She thinks she’s some kind of genius, but honestly...
she just can't stop meddling and judging everyone else.
Zero clue what's actually going on in the real world.
Her tongue is sharp, too... way too much attitude.
Everything is such a struggle for her (always playing the victim, refusing help but complaining about it anyway)
She wants to call all the shots, but it just won't happen.
Superficial as hell when you talk to her—it's like she's only listening to herself.
Those Sunday family dinners have become so exhausting I've had to start skipping them more often...

Exactly my point.

How do I get my mother to see a psychiatrist?

Maybe you should take yourself to a psychiatrist, because they might actually be able to help you, whereas she clearly can't...
While you're still in school, just look for some side gigs or freelance work to scrape some cash together, and try to get some internships too, so maybe—just maybe—it won't be such a nightmare finding your first real job later on.

Megan White4 said:Everything she imagines becomes an absolute necessity, regardless of logic or reason. Of course, trying to reason with her is a completely futile exercise.

We can't bring ourselves to toss out her belongings, even when they’re ancient or worn out, but anything that isn't hers just becomes clutter that could actually be useful...

Whenever she decides she needs to buy something—even if we don't need it at all—she spends whatever it costs. Then she has the nerve to lecture me about "going broke" when I need cash for gas or unexpected car repairs.

She nitpicks every tiny, insignificant detail, and nothing I do ever seems to be quite right.

She insists on doing everything herself, only to complain later about how much she has to carry.

The moment I question her actions, she immediately starts the theatrics, acting like the entire world is out to get her.

My patience is wearing thin because her constant nagging and whims seem to escalate every single day... 🙄 ...while my father was still around, he managed to handle her somehow, but now (since I'm just a kid to her, it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall no matter what I say)... 🙄

That is simply how all elderly people are.☕

Dear Megan White4,
Your mother is a TOXIC person. She likely won't ever realize it, which means she isn't going to be the one to change. You are the one who has to do the work on yourself, and honestly, that’s a long road. It would probably be best to pursue some psychotherapy—for your own sake—so you can learn how to actually manage her instability. Don't let her pin her own frustrations on you by making you feel guilty. And please, don't let her walk all over you under the guise of "love." That isn't love; it's just pathological selfishness.

Kenneth Price74 said:That is simply how all elderly people are.☕

@Toco
Look, you’re going to be hearing comments like this all the time...
That’s just the kind of mindset where people try to normalize negativity or sickness just because it happens all the time. I guess it's like saying because everyone gets sick, it shouldn't be a big deal. It's a total cop-out, really.
Regarding that whole thing where you’re basically condemned to suffer beforehand... like, being forced through this misery and then eventually dealing with the mental health fallout from it all. I mean, what kind of diagnosis do you actually have, Kenneth Price74?